August Proof 2018

LOVE WHAT YOU DO WOMEN FARMERS ARE CHANGING THE FACE OF THE BUSINESS

# MAINETOO

BOOM!

POW!

PINE TREE STATE NOT IMMUNE TO ALLEGATIONS OF SEXUAL MISCONDUCT

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

Strong! powerful!

STRONG

WOMEN

$5.95

August 2018

AND...

SUMMERTIME HIKES & A VISIT TO CAMPOBELLO

CONTENTS

AUGUST 2018

FEATURES 46

IN CONVERSATION

The national #MeToo conversation hits home in Maine

56

DEAR ME

Sage advice to our younger selves

64

THE FINE ART OF SAYING NO!

Harnessing the power of the word “no”

70

GET OUT

24 hours on Campobello Island

IN EVERY ISSUE 08

46

#MAINETOO

70

GET OUT: CAMPOBELLO ISLAND

WHAT’S HAPPENING

Local news & sightings

16

OBSESSIONS

What we can’t get enough of this month

THE VIEW FROM HERE

Parenthood: The struggle is real

ON THE COVER Meet the strong, powerful, super women of Maine.

Design by Amy Allen

2 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

PHOTOS: (TOP) AP PHOTO/ TED S. WARREN; (BOTTOM) JULIA BAYLY

80

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

FOOD & DRINK

HEALTH & FITNESS

20

22

14

Tips for enjoying shishito peppers fresh from the farmers’ market

Cool off with the perfect hike-swim combo this summer

HOW TO

HOME & FAMILY

OUTSIDE

28

32

78

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT

PHOTOS: (CLOCKWISE FROM TOP LEFT) JACQUELINE HALL; SARAH WALKER CARON; AISLINN SARNACKI; BOB DUCHESNE; OLIVIER LANTZENDARFFER/GETTY IMAGES; AMY ALLEN

Meet Maine author Gillian French

CRAFTING WITH KIDS

IN SEASON NOW

DOING WHAT THEY LOVE

Create a cactus rock garden

Female farmers on the rise in Maine

30

38 THE NORTH MAINE WOODS GATEKEEPERS

CREATE IT AT HOME

Composting with attracting unwanted vermin attention

HIKE ME

WOODS & WATERS

How Maine’s Department of Inland Fisheries and Wildlife monitors eagle nests in our area

The eyes and ears of the North Woods

44

LET’S VOTE

Creating change in 2018 www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 3

EDITOR’S NOTE

STRONG powerful!

WOMEN ON THE DAY AN ESSAY appeared online, shining a light on sexual misconduct at a Maine publisher, a thought needled its way through my brain. Did the national story need to spark a local conversation? What if Bangor Metro led that? What started as a “what if” quickly snowballed into a full-fledged plan: Bangor Metro, as a magazine, needed to address this because Maine is not immune from the #MeToo movement. Not only have women here been on the receiving end of sexual misconduct, but it has been serious enough to unseat people in positions of power.

I am so proud of the work that Julia Bayly, Abigail Curtis and Aislinn Sarnacki have done on our special report #MaineToo and I am grateful to the hard work photographers Gabor Degre and Troy Bennett, copy editor Kaylie Reese and art director Amy Allen have done to transform this important story into a breathtaking visual package. I do hope you will pause beginning on page 48 to read.

But this issue, The Woman’s Issue, is more than just #MeToo. It’s about smart, driven, powerful women who are changing the face of farming (see Crystal Sands’ story on page 22). It’s also about the advice successful women would give to their younger selves (see Sarah Cottrell’s story on page 38). And it’s about the importance of saying no (see Emily Morrison’s story on page 58).

And, as in every issue, Aislinn Sarnacki takes you outdoors with Maine hikes perfect for August (page 28), Bob Duchesne shares a bit of the great outdoors (page 78) and I fill you in on a vegetable you want to be eating this month (page 20).

Hope you love this issue of Bangor Metro as much as we do.

HAVE A WONDERFUL MONTH,

SARAH WALKER CARON, EDITOR

Connect With Us Online bangormetro.com facebook.com/BangorMetro @BangorMetro bangormetro talkback@bangormetro.com 4 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

www.bangormetro.com P.O. Box 1329 Bangor, Maine 04402-1329 Phone: 207.990.8000

PUBLISHER

Richard J. Warren

EDITOR

Sarah Walker Caron scaron@bangordailynews.com

ART DIRECTOR

Amy Allen

aallen@bangordailynews.com

COPY EDITOR

KAYLIE REESE kreese@bangordailynews.com

SUBSCRIPTION & PROMOTIONS MANAGER

Fred Stewart

fstewart@bangordailynews.com

STAFF WRITER

Julia Bayly

jbayly@bangordailynews.com

STAFF WRITER

Abigail Curtis acurtis@bangordailynews.com

STAFF WRITER

Aislinn Sarnacki asarnacki@bangordailynews.com

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS & PHOTOGRAPHERS Sarah Cottrell, Gabor Degre, Bob Duchesne, Emily Morrison,

Crystal Sands

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 5

6 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

MEET OUR CONTRIBUTORS

Behind the Story Bangor Metro Magazine. August 2018, Vol. 14, No. 6.

Copyright © Bangor Publishing Company.

Bangor Metro is published 10 times annually by Bangor Publishing Company. All rights reserved.

This magazine may not be reproduced in whole or part in any form without the written permission of the Publisher.

Bangor Metro is mailed at standard rates from Portland, Maine.

Opinions expressed in either the editorial or advertisements do not represent the opinions of the staff or publisher of Bangor Metro magazine. Advertisers and event sponsors or their agents are responsible for copyrights and accuracy of all material they submit.

Bangor Metro magazine to the best of its ability ensures the acuracy of information printed in the publication.

Inquiries and suggestions are welcome and encouraged. Letters to the editor, story suggestions, and other reader input will be subject to Bangor Metro’s unrestricted right to edit and publish in the magazine both in print and online.

Editorial: Queries should be sent to Sarah Walker Caron at scaron@bangordailynews.com.

Advertising: For advertising questions, please call the Sales Director Todd Johnston at 207-990-8129.

Subscriptions/Address Change: The one year subscription cost is $15.95. Address changes: to ensure delivery, subscribers must notify the magazine of address changes one month in advance of the cover date. Please contact Fred Stewart at 207-990-8075.

Accounts Payable/Receivable: For information about your account please contact Todd Johnston at 207-990-8129.

COVER DESIGN: Amy Allen

WE ASKED OUR THREE STAFF WRITERS TO SHARE SOMETHING THAT STOOD OUT TO THEM IN THE COURSE OF REPORTING FOR THE AUGUST 2018 ISSUE OF BANGOR METRO. HERE’S WHAT THEY SAID.

“ “ “

WHILE WORKING ON the story about the #MeToo Movement in Maine, it dawned on me how brave and selfless my sources were to go on record with their stories. Sexual misconduct and harassment is difficult to talk about, whether you’re a victim or not. I hope readers realize that these people aren’t defined by this issue, but that their words are a part of the solution.”

—AISLINN SARNACKI

FOR THIS MONTH'S article about the #MeToo movement in Maine, I learned that it takes real bravery to tell the truth about your experience. I’d like say a sincere thank you to everyone I interviewed, even those whose stories were not included in the end result. It is hard to talk about difficult chapters of our lives and I appreciate the women and men who took a deep breath and did so.”

—ABIGAIL CURTIS

# moeo t

VISITING CAMPOBELLO ISLAND for this issue’s Get Out feature ‘24 Hours on Campobello’ reminded me why Maine is such a great place for travelers. Think of it: We border another country, two other states and thanks to Bangor International Airport and Portland International Jetport, have a dozen or so major metropolitan destinations within easy reach. And of course within our own borders we have miles of coastline, islands, wilderness, lakes, rivers and enough four-season food, culture, art, music and sports in our towns and cities to satisfy even the deepest of wanderlust.

No wonder I ‘get out’ near and far whenever I can.”

PHOTOS: JULIA BAYLY

—JULIA BAYLY

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 7

WHAT’S HAPPENING

JULY 27 TO AUGUST 5 BANGOR STATE FAIR

The Bangor State Fair returns to Bass Park in Bangor for its annual celebration of agriculture and fun. Hours vary.

Admission starts at $7 (no rides or games included). $22 for unlimited rides. Visit bangorstatefair.com for more information.

AUGUST BANGOR BAND

One of the oldest continuous community bands in the United States, the Bangor Band has performed in greater Bangor every summer since 1859. Join them for their final three summer concerts of 2018. Tuesday, August 7 at 6:45 p.m. (Bangor Waterfront), Saturday, August 11 at 1 p.m. (Civil War Concert at Dow Field) and Tuesday, August 14 at 6:45 p.m. (Bangor Waterfront).

All ages. Free.

AUGUST SAVVY CAREGIVER TRAINING

Join the Eastern Area Agency on Aging for a free Savvy Caregiver Training for people who are caring for family members or friends 8 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

with dementia. The training is a 12-hour, six-week education program and registration is required. Call 207-941-2865 for more information or to register. The trainings will be held on Fridays from Aug. 17 through Sept. 21 from 10:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. at the Boyd Place Conference Room.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 1 AUTHOR GERRY BOYLE

Maine crime novelist and creator of the acclaimed Jack McMorrow mystery series Gerry Boyle will speak about why Maine is a perfect setting for crime fiction. His 12th McMorrow novel “Random Act” is expected to be published next year. Bangor Public Library Lecture Hall, 5:30-7 p.m.

Free. Books will be available for purchase and signing at the event.

AUGUST 2-5 MACBETH

Ten Bucks Theatre Company’s annual Shakespeare Under the Stars returns to Fort Knox for their summer production of Macbeth. Shows begin at 6 p.m. Tickets are $10. For more information, visit fortknox. maineguide.com.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 3 DOWNTOWN BANGOR FIRST FRIDAY ARTWALK

Join local and regional artists and artisans for an evening celebrating creativity throughout downtown Bangor at the Downtown Bangor First Friday Artwalk. The artwalk, presented by the Downtown Bangor Arts Collaborative, aims to bring the community together through art. 5-8 p.m. Free.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 4 KIDS IN NATURE: TREASURE HUNTERS

Test your treasure seeking and technology skills to find geocaches already located at Hirundo Wildlife Refuge in Old Town.

Next, use what you have learned to hide a treasure of your own and create a treasure map to guide others. Kids In Nature is geared for youth ages 9 years old to 12 years old. Parents are welcome to stay and enjoy Hirundo Wildlife Refuge as well! Kids are encouraged to bring a snack. Beverages will be provided. 9 a.m. - 12 p.m. Admission is $8 for members $12 for nonmembers. For more information or to see the other events in the Kids in Nature series, visit hirundomaine.org.

PHOTO: ROBIN MERCHANT

AUGUST

AUG. 24-26 American Folk Festival

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 9

WHAT’S HAPPENING THURSDAY, AUGUST 8 DIRIGO SPEAKS PRESENTS ABDI NOR IFTIN

THURSDAY, AUGUST 16 EILEN JEWELL

What does it mean to be an American?

Immigrant, Mainer and newly minted author Abdi Nor Iftin will join the Bangor Daily News’ Dirigo Speaks series to share his journey of becoming American and speak about his book “Call Me American.”

Books will be available for purchase and signing at the event. Bangor Public Library Atrium, 5:30-7 p.m. Free.

For over a decade, Eilen Jewell has taken her brand of sultry surf-noir and dynamic Americana music to cities from Melbourne to Madrid to Manhattan. Her subtle but powerful musical approach, combined with her warm stage presence and evocative original lyrics, continue to gain her the loyalty of fans worldwide. She’ll be playing at the Bangor Arts Exchange Ballroom. All ages. Doors open at 7:30 p.m. Admission is $20 in advance or $25 on the day of show.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 11 DAVID MYLES

AUGUST 24-26 AMERICAN FOLK FESTIVAL

Canadian singer/songwriter David Myles from Halifax, NS, brings his lush arrangements and danceable rhythms with timeless rock ‘n’ rock structures to the Bangor Arts Exchange Ballroom. It’s the Bangor debut fro this Juno awardwinning artist. All ages. Doors open at 6:30 p.m. Admission is $10 in advance, $15 on the day of show.

Bangor State Fair

Bangor’s annual celebration of music, dance and other performing arts representing cultural traditions from across America and the world returns to the Bangor Waterfront for the annual three-day festival.

Check out the food and handmade items available from the vendors and hear some great music. For more information visit www.americanfolkfestival.com. Free, but donations accepted.

STILL STUMPED? 

JULY 27 TO AUGUST 5



Here are the answers to last month’s Pop Quiz.

 

 

10 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

 

Visit our Bangor Metro Facebook page to play online!

PHOTO: BDN FILE



www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 11

WHAT’S HAPPENING

HERE’S A LOOK AT JUST A FEW SPECIAL EVENTS FROM THE PAST MONTH...

2 1 1: LONGEST DAY LEMONADE BENEFIT — Woodlands Senior Living of Brewer sold and delivered Lemonade and Hot Coffee throughout the Bangor area recently to raise funds for Alzheimer’s Research.

2: DIRIGO SPEAKS — Mary Bonauto, a lawyer and civil rights advocate who has worked to eradicate discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity, speaks during a Bangor Daily News Dirigo Speaks event at the Bangor Public Library.

3: STORY SLAM — A crowd gathers for a recent story slam event at West Market Square Artisan Coffeehouse in Bangor.

SHARE YOUR EVENT PHOTOS! 12 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

Email your photos and captions to

talkback@bangormetro.com

PHOTOS: (1) JEFF KIRLIN / THE THING OF THE MOMENT; (2) CONRAD LUMM/BDN FILE; (3) COURTESY OF CHERYL MICHAUD

3

WONDER WOMAN!

Test your knowledge of one of Maine’s top wonder women: Margaret Chase Smith!

Play online at bangormetro.com for your chance to win a FREE one-year subscription!

4 4: BANGOR PRIDE PARADE — Thousands of people lined the streets along the route of the 2018 Bangor Pride Parade.

5: FAMILIES BELONG TOGETHER BANGOR RALLY — The Families Belong Together Bangor Rally drew a large crowd to Cascade Park on Saturday, June 30 in support of reunification of families separated at the US-Mexico border.

PHOTOS: (4) GABOR DEGRE/BDN FILE; (5) SARAH WALKER CARON

5

FIND ANSWERS TO LAST MONTH’S POP QUIZ ON PAGE 10! www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 13

ARTS & CULTURE

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT:

GILLIAN FRENCH

BY SARAH WALKER CARON

SEVENTEEN-YEAR-OLD Darcy Prentiss has a reputation, but there’s a lot more to her below the surface. Sixteen-year-old Natalie Payson has unusual nightmares about the town she left and a door that beckons to her. Eighteen-year-old Pearl Haskins is a local resident in a summer vacation town who needs to find the truth about how three of four members of a wealthy family died in a tragic fire to clear the suspicion surrounding her dad, who was their property caretaker.

These three fictitious teens have one thing in column: Gillian French.

French is a writer of three books all published in less than a year.

Her latest, “The Lies They Tell,” was released in April by HarperTeen. “Grit” was released by HarperTeen in May 2017. “The Door to January” was published in September 2017 by Maine’s Islandport Press. Her fourth book, “The Missing Season,” is slated to be released in summer 2019 by HarperTeen.

“It definitely was a whirlwind. It all of a sudden just broke wide open,” French said of her writing career. Hearing from readers, she said, has been the more rewarding part.

“It seems like people have really been struck by the slow-burn, character-driven mystery. I tried to write the book that I like to read. That’s always been my challenge to myself,” French said. She aims to make the setting a character in of itself. “It’s been really exciting so far.”

Also exciting is the professional reception the books have received.

“Grit” was awarded the 2017 Juvenile/YA Lupine Award by the Maine Library Association and the 2018 Book Award for Young People’s Literature from the Maine Literary Awards presented by the Maine Writers & Publishers Alliance. It also was a 2018 Edgar Award Nominee for Best Young Adult Mystery.

Meanwhile “The Door to January” was a 2017 Bram Stoker Awards Final Ballot Nominee for Superior Achievement in a Young Adult Novel.

Although French’s publishing success seems meteoric, it came after years and years of writing. She wrote her first book a freshman in high school. It wasn’t published. During those years, French tried many things before realizing the stories she wanted to write were rooted in her experiences and memories as a woman from small town Maine.

“Find your truth. That was something that was very difficult for me. I wrote for 17 years before I got my first publishing contract,” French said. “Tap into your memories. Some emotion that stayed with you. Use as a germ for a story.”

French has done that with her latest novel. She drew on experiences working, both as a librarian and earlier at a midcoast hotel.

“When I was working in Castine, you really get to know the locals that stay. You get to know them well and there’s a lot of really quiet, still time,” French said. “Summer is crazy and you get quadruple [the population].”

French noticed that the people who own homes are “in a very different place, mentally,” when in town. They may only visit a few weeks of the year.

“I think it can create — depending on the community you’re in — sort of create an us versus them mentality,” French said. “It’s such a disparate social stratum … and it just struck me as a powder keg.”

In “The Lies They Tell,” Pearl Haskins lives with her father in Tenney’s Harbor, a tony coastal town. As year-round residents, the contrast between their scraping-by lives and the privileged lives of the summer people is glaring. When their town becomes the site of an unexplained fire that ravaged the Garrison house, killing four of five family members, fingers point to Pearl’s father, the caretaker of the property. But Pearl doesn’t believe it. She sets out to find the truth, befriending the rich kids she serves at the country club she works at — and putting herself in danger.

French’s stories are more than just small-town Maine life, though. They are nuanced, layered tales that grip the reader. Written for the young adult market, they also unflinchingly address sexuality, something French said is “challenging [to write about] in the best possible way.”

“You really have to distill your writing down to these little gems. You have to suggest. … You really have to get across the power and the intensity in [these situations] … and you also have a responsibility to your reader to show consequences,” French said.

Her next novel will take readers to another small Maine town. “The Missing Season” is set in a fictional Maine town, where a kid goes missing every Halloween, never to be seen again. While adults in the town explain away the disappearances, the kids know the truth: It’s the town’s fabled boogieman called The Mumbler.

“The adults all have excuses for what happened to this kid,” French explained.

What’s next for French? More words, of course — after a break.

She says she’s deciding between two story ideas.

And there are scheduled appearances for her books, too.

She’s particularly excited about one happening in September.

French will be at “Nerdy Evening with Authors and Illustrators” from 6 to 8 p.m. Friday, Sept. 28, at the Morse Street School in Freeport. The annual gathering of writers and illustrators as part of Nerd Camp is a fun time for readers to meet the people behind their favorite books.

PHOTOS: (BOOK COVERS) COURTESY GILLIAN FRENCH; (GILLIAN FRENCH PHOTO) JACQUELINE HALL

FRENCH’S STORIES ARE MORE THAN JUST SMALL-TOWN MAINE LIFE, THOUGH. THEY ARE NUANCED, LAYERED TALES THAT GRIP THE READER.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 15

ARTS & CULTURE

OBSESSIONS

OBSESSIONS WHAT WE CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF THIS MONTH.

READ

“THE PARIS SECRET” BY KAREN SWAN — Flora Sykes is a wellrespected fine art agent who is summoned to assess a major collection of art found in an abandoned apartment owned by a powerful family — who didn’t know it existed. This is a story of long-held secrets, forgotten treasures and a quest to uncover the truth. This gripping book is filled with history, intrigue, suspense and a touch of romance. It’s a great read. (Adult) “ALWAYS FOREVER MAYBE” BY ANICA MROSE RISSI — When high school senior Betts meets Aidan, she is drawn to him. He’s a high school dropout who got his GED and has a steady job … and their connection is magic. She’s sure they’re meant to be together, even if her best friend finds him needy and controlling. This is a novel about obsessive love, relationships and what true friendship is. Good for teens but also worth reading for parents, who might just get an important reminder from the story. (YA) —SARAH WALKER CARON

THE FIRESIDE INN, BANGOR WHY DO WE LOVE IT? Once upon a time when traveling, the first thing I looked for in a hotel was the presence of a decent restaurant.

But ever since welcoming my tiny four-legged canine travel sidekick Chiclet into my life, my first concern is now whether a place is petfriendly or not. That’s why The Fireside Inn (570 Main Street, Bangor / firesideinnbangor.com) is our go-to spot to rest our heads for a night or two when Chiclet and I are in Bangor.

After staying there just a couple of times, most of the staff knew Chiclet by name on sight.

This poster welcomes all guests — human and canine — at the front desk: “Dogs are welcome in this hotel. We’ve never had a dog that smoked in bed and set fire to the blankets. We’ve never had a dog who stole the towels, played the TV too loud or had a fight with his traveling companion.

We’ve never had a dog who got drunk and broke up the furniture. So, if your dog can vouch for you, you’re welcome, too!”

Beyond that, every pet is given a special treat upon check-in and a bright red water bowl.

They do charge an extra $10 to cover any cleaning costs associated with dogs in the room, but Chiclet and I think that is more than fair.

While she has never made a mess, she does enjoy burrowing into and under every pillow on the beds making her own doggy pillow forts.

An added bonus? Geaghan Brothers Pub (geaghans.com) is attached to the hotel.

Total human & dog win-win.

— JULIA BAYLY

16 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

PHOTO: FRANCESCOCORTICCHIA/GETTY IMAGES

“COOKING MAINE STYLE” EDITED BY SANDRA OLIVER — Bangor Daily News food columnist Sandra Oliver digs into the archives of longtime Maine food columnist and author Marjorie Standish for a look back at cooking through the years. She highlights certain recipes as “A Period Piece” when they are interesting but dated, such as Scalloped Potatoes and Bologna. But mostly, this is a wonderful tribute to good home cooking from an iconic home economist. (Nonfiction)

STAY

PHOTO: TKTK

“VOX” BY CHRISTINA DALCHER — Rarely does a book grip me the way this book about a dystopian future in which women are effectively silenced with new technology that limits them to speaking only 100 words each day. In this reality, one where women-hating-men rule and enforce old ideals on a modern society, women are expected to stay home, interact only with family, cook, clean and have babies. But one mother, a brilliant neuroscientist, is determined to find a way to free herself and her young daughter from their reality. Told in engaging prose, I couldn’t put this down. (Adult, release date Aug. 20)

RUN BELFAST RAIL TRAIL WHY DO WE LOVE IT? No matter what season, I love putting on my sneakers and heading out to the Belfast Rail Trail on the Passagassawaukeag River. For just about two miles, the Rail Trail follows the Passy, as locals call the river, from the Armistice Bridge downtown all the way to the trail’s terminus at the City Point Station. Its crushed rock surface is perfect for walking or jogging, and the trail is a popular destination for serious athletes along with meanderers and wildlife watchers. Whether I’m moving fast or slow, I find that the trail, lined with wildflowers, can soothe a stressful day. It’s not uncommon to see bald eagles soar and dive above the Passy, and at low tide, long-legged herons stalk the tidal flats in search of a fishy meal. Sometimes life in a city — even a small, Maine-style city — can separate us from the natural world.

The Rail Trail is an antidote to that.

—ABIGAIL CURTIS

Find your perfect

AUDIENCE

Advertise your business in BANGOR METRO! CALL 990-8134 for details

bangormetro.com www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 17

FOOD & DRINK

OBSESSIONS

OBSESSIONS WHAT WE CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF THIS MONTH.

RESTAURANT DISH LOBSTER STEW AT LUNT’S GATEWAY LOBSTER POUND

—SARAH WALKER CARON

SWEET TREATS HAND-DIPPED BONBONS FROM MONICA’S CHOCOLATES WHY DO WE LOVE IT? I’d love to say I’m not one of those pretentious foodie types. But that would be a lie, because there are certain things about which I will not compromise, such as good chocolate and good bourbon. Because, let’s face it: What’s more disappointing than a glass of bland bourbon or a piece of tasteless chocolate?

So imagine my delight when I discovered on a drive through Lubec, Monica’s Chocolates.

Among the dizzying array of hand dipped bonbons, specialty shapes (chocolate sea cucumbers, sea urchins or shells, anyone?) and fruit and nut clusters are the Bourbon Truffles. Monica Elliott creates all of of her candies from family recipes adapted from her native Peru (the country, not the town in Maine).

These bourbon delights are every inch of what a gourmet chocolate truffle should be. Dense with chocolate flavor without being cloyingly sweet, creamy but not gooey and tinged with the perfect amount of bourbon to impart its smoky flavor but not overpower.

In short, it’s the perfect marriage of flavors, and I am so thankful I don’t have to travel to South America to enjoy them.

Monica’s Chocolates are available from her shop in Lubec and in stores around the state including The Natural Living Center in Bangor. 100 County Road/Route 189 in Lubec. www.monicaschocolates.com.

—JULIA BAYLY

PHOTO: (TOP) ©FEIRLIGHT/ ADOBE STOCK

WHY DO WE LOVE IT? Rich and buttery, this creamy stew is bold and satisfying. Its flavor is slightly sweet, with notes of sherry or a flavor that reminds me of sherry. The cup of Lobster Stew (about $10) is packed — absolutely packed — with lobster. Big, meaty, tender, perfectly cooked chunks. Tossing in the ubiquitous oyster crackers adds a pleasant crunch to this already satisfying dish.

1133 Bar Harbor Road in Trenton.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD TRUCK DISH IN BANGOR?

SMALL BATCH GIN

PIZZA FROM POMPEII. Usually anything. Today I got the White Garlic.

—ASHLEY RYAN, HAMPDEN

BLACK RIVER GIN FROM SWEETGRASS WINERY & DISTILLERY WHY DO WE LOVE IT? Sometimes it feels as though Mainers wait all year for summer to arrive. Now that it’s here, why not toast it with the most summery of drinks: a gin and tonic. If you do, my favorite Mainemade spirit, Back River Gin from Sweetgrass Winery & Distillery in Union, is a perfect match for the season. It’s distilled in small batches with botanicals and Maine blueberries — and sea air, according to its creators. And when you mix it with ice cubes, tonic and a twist of lime, it seems to ask you to slow down. To sit down, to talk and laugh with friends while plotting summer adventures, preferably ones that involve camping, sailing, canoeing or just jumping in a cool, refreshing Maine lake. Here’s to summer and Maine and the occasional gin and tonic to mark our good fortune at being here.

—ABIGAIL CURTIS

THE MARGHERITA PIZZA FROM POMPEII. —HEATHER BURGESS, STOCKEN SPRINGS TACOS FROM CASA MEXICANA. I have the beef and steak with pico de gallo and sour cream.

—MARIA MATA, HOUSTON, TEXAS PIZZA FROM POMPEII. It’s my go-to.

I like the barbecue chicken.

The Melt [food truck] is pretty good, too.

—BRAD CALLAHAN, BANGOR

BY ROSEMARY LAUSIER

TIME TO VOTE FOR THE

2018 Best Restaurants!

VOTING IS OPEN NOW! VISIT BANGORMETRO.COM www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 19

in season now

FOOD & DRINK

SHISHITO PEPPERS

STORY & PHOTOS BY SARAH WALKER CARON

IT WAS THE COINCIDENCE of coincidences that I tasted some of these little peppers at a dinner party last year and then discovered I’d actually planted one seedling of this variety. So, it was quite by accident that I ended up with a bumper crop of shishito peppers to enjoy all season.

It’s no accident this year that I am growing more shishito peppers.

I sought out another single seedling plant (one is enough for us). It’s happily growing in our community garden plot.

The venerable shishito pepper is small in size but robust in flavor.

Usually sweet in flavor — once in a while you’ll get a spicy one — these little peppers are excellent served blistered and warm with a squeeze of lemon juice.

But how to blister them?

Frying them in a cast-iron skillet in hot oil is great. But for a more healthful take, try roasting them, as in this recipe.

Roasted Shishito Peppers starts with tossing the peppers with olive oil and seasoning them with salt and pepper. Spread them on a baking sheet, and them roast them in a hot oven for a minute until they begin to brown and blister.

Serve these as a side dish with a drizzle of lemon juice.

If you don’t have shishito peppers growing in your garden though, don’t fret. Check with local farmers. At least one farmer at the Bangor Farmers’ Market on Sundays had them last year.

ROASTED SHISHITO PEPPERS Serves: 4

INGREDIENTS 15-20 fresh shishito peppers 1 teaspoon olive oil Salt and pepper Lemon wedge (optional)

INSTRUCTIONS Preheat oven to 500 degrees.

In a small bowl, toss together the peppers and olive oil.

Season with salt and pepper and toss again. Spread over the baking sheet.

Bake for 5-8 minutes, until browned and blistered. Remove from the oven and sprinkle with lemon juice (if desired).

Serve.

SARAH WALKER CARON is the editor of Bangor Metro Magazine. A longtime food writer, she is co-author of “Grains as Mains: Modern Recipes Using Ancient Grains,” and author of the popular food blog Sarah’s Cucina Bella (www.sarahscucinabella.com).

We are the first and only Maine hospital to be part of the Dana-Farber Cancer Care Collaborative.

Cancer puts life on hold, but we put you a step ahead. As one of only four hospitals nationwide to be part of the Dana-Farber Cancer Care Collaborative, our care team gives you every advantage. We consult with experts on the latest treatments and clinical trials, and can offer them to you close to home. And when needed, our patients have two-day access to Dana-Farber specialists in Boston. So if it is cancer, choose the strongest team possible.

Be confident your cancer care team will

be as determined as you

Learn about our collaboration: cancer.emmc.org www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 21

HIKE ME

T R E K and

TREAD COOL OFF WITH THESE HIKE-SWIM COMBOS STORY & PHOTOS BY AISLINN SARNACKI

HER T-SHIRT WAS DRENCHED in sweat as she trudged through the woods, ferns lapping at her legs. The cool breeze that greeted her atop the mountain seemed a distant memory in the dense forest, where the afternoon heat sat still. As she neared the end of the hike, all she could think about was dipping her tired body in the cold mountain water of Nesowadnehunk Stream.

There, at a series of natural water slides, she would ease into the frothing water, raise her arms in the air and let the current carry her away. Over hills of slippery, smooth granite, she’d slide downstream to be dumped into a pool, where the current would calm and she could gently float on her back, her hair fanning out around her head in the water.

Goosebumps would rise up on her arms and legs. The stream, frigid even at the height of summer, would refresh her in a matter of minutes. But it wouldn’t be until her fingers started to tingle that she’d tread to shore, crawl out of the water and sit on a sunbaked ledge.

In August, a swim is the perfect ending to a great hike.

22 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

DOUBLETOP MOUNTAIN AND THE LEDGES,

BAXTER STATE PARK CHALLENGING RISING 3,488 FEET ABOVE SEA LEVEL in Baxter State Park, Doubletop Mountain has a distinct profile, a nearly symmetrical cone shape with steep slopes and two distinct peaks. While much of the mountain is forested, the trees disappear at both peaks, revealing stunning views of the park. To the east and southeast, mountains break up the horizon — North and South Brother, Mount Coe, Mount OJI and, of course, Katahdin.

To the west, you’re looking outside the park at a flatter landscape broken up by water — Harrington Lake and the connected Ripogenus, Chesuncook and Caribou lakes.

Hiking the mountain, depending on the route you take, is between 6.6 and 7.6 miles total.

Nearby, Ledge Falls, also known as “The Ledges,” is a popular swimming spot on Nesowadnehunk Stream, where the water has worn the rock into several smooth natural water slides. While being swept

downstream by the current, swimmers can enjoy an amazing view of Doubletop Mountain. When through with swimming, the flat rock along the stream’s edge is a perfect spot for sunbathing and picnicking.

Visiting Baxter State Park is free for Maine residents, but camping is permitted by reservation only May 15-Oct. 15, and Dec. 1-March 31. For nonresidents, it costs $14 per vehicle in the summer. Dogs are not permitted.

For more information about fees and park rules, visit baxterstateparkauthority.com or call 207-723-5140.

DIRECTIONS: Start at the Togue Pond Gate, the south entrance of Baxter State Park. Veer left on the Park Tote Road after checking in at the gate, and drive along the narrow, winding gravel road for about 17 miles to Nesowadnehunk Campground.

The speed limit is 20 mph. After the road crosses a bridge over Little Nesowadnehunk Stream, you will come to an intersection by a field. Turn left and park in the day-use parking area on your right. Signs will direct you to cross a bridge over Nesowadnehunk Stream to reach the north trailhead to Doubletop Mountain Trail. After hiking to both peaks, turn around and hike back down the way you came. Don’t continue on the trail, or you’ll end up at the south trailhead without a car.

To reach The Ledges after your hike, drive back toward the park’s south entrance on the Park Tote Road about 2 miles, and you’ll see The Ledges on your right. There are a few parking areas, but people also park alongside the road, where there’s room to be out of the way of traffic. www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 23

HEALTH & FITNESS

HIKE ME

BEECH CLIFFS AND ECHO LAKE BEACH, ACADIA NATIONAL PARK MODERATE THE CLIFFS ON BEECH MOUNTAIN feature fun, moderately challenging trails that require a little handover-foot climbing. Just below this hike lies Echo Lake.

With crystal clear waters, a sandy bottom and plenty of shallow areas that warm up in the sun, it’s no wonder Echo Lake is one of the most popular swimming destinations in Acadia National Park.

The half-mile Beech Cliffs Trail starts at Echo Lake Beach and steeply switchbacks up the mountain.

This trail includes ladders, rungs and beautiful stone steps. Like many mountain trails, this trail becomes increasingly steep as it approaches the top of the cliffs, where you’ll find the 0.4-mile Beech Cliffs Loop. The loop explores the top of the cliffs, offering great views of the island, including the lake below.

After completing the small loop, I suggest descending the mountain on the 1-mile Canada Cliffs Trail, because it’s more gradual and not as dangerous to descend as 24 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

the Beech Cliffs Trail. The Canada Cliffs Trail will lead to the Echo Beach parking lot, where you can take a short path to Echo Beach for a swim.

All visitors to Acadia National Park must pay an entrance fee upon entry May through October. A private vehicle is $30 for 7 days, and an annual pass is $55. Dog are permitted but must be on a leash no longer than 6 feet at all times.

DIRECTIONS: Drive onto Mount Desert Island from the mainland on Route 3. The road splits at the end of the causeway. Veer right onto Route 102-Route 198, heading south, and drive 8.6 miles, passing through Town Hill and Somesville on the way. Before reaching the town of Southwest Harbor, turn right onto Echo Lake Beach Road.

Drive 0.3 to the parking lot at the end of the road.

The trails start right at the parking lot.

HEALTH & FITNESS

HIKE ME

SANDY POINT BEACH PARK, STOCKTON SPRINGS LOCATED ON FRENCH’S POINT, where the Penobscot River enters the Penobscot Bay, Sandy Point Beach Park features a beautiful beach of sand and rocks, as well as network of about 2 miles of trails that wind through a lovely forest to a more private spot on the shore.

This place is rich in history. Artifacts found along the shoreline indicate it once was a summering and trading spot for Native Americans. During the American Revolution, a major naval battle took place in nearby waters, where 39 American vessels were lost.

For a long time, this site was bustling with industry.

Today, the park is a favorite among families, dog owners and wildlife enthusiasts. Osprey and cormorants nest on the pilings that remain from an old wharf, and a wide variety of birds can be found in the grasses and bushes along the shore.

AISLINN SARNACKI is a staff writer for Bangor Metro and the Outdoors and Homestead sections of the Bangor Daily News. An expert on the Maine outdoors, she is author of the just-released guidebook, “Maine Hikes Off the Beaten Path,” and also “Family Friendly Hikes in Maine.”

Follow her adventures on her blog, actoutwithaislinn.bangordailynews.com.

26 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

PHOTO: (ABOVE) BDN FILE/LINDA O’KRESIK

EASY

DIRECTIONS: In Stockton Springs, turn off Route 1 onto Steamboat Wharf Road and drive 0.5 mile to the parking lot at the end of the road. On Google Maps, this road is unnamed and lies just south of Sandy Point Road and north of Pirates Cove Road. The trail network starts with a wide gravel path at the south end of the parking lot.

A wooden boardwalk that leads to the beach starts on the east side of the parking lot.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 27

HOW-TO

CRAFTING WITH KIDS

CREATE A CACTUS

ROcK gArdEn

DECORATE WITH A PAINTED CACTUS GARDEN STORY & PHOTOS BY AMY ALLEN

A SUMMERTIME TRIP TO the beach always yields a pocketful of smooth weather-worn rocks for my kids — and this is the perfect project to put those treasures to good use. Small smooth rocks (bonus if they’re flat enough to stand up on end when pushed into a base of sand) are fun to glue together and paint to look like funky cacti.

These fun gardens are a simple project for almost any age, require no watering and are cute enough to mix and match with real succulents for a fun display.

28 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

WHAT YOU’LL NEED: • Small bowl, pot or container • Small smooth rocks of different sizes • Hot glue gun • Acrylic paint • Sand or small pebbles

DIRECTIONS & TIPS 1. Choose a small vase or bowl in which to plant your cactus garden, or use a small clay pot and paint it a neutral color to help your cacti stand out.

2. Pick your rocks – smooth, flatter rocks will stand up best in the sand base.

Decide how many and what sizes will work well together in your container.

3. To make a cactus with arms, hot glue smaller rocks onto a taller base rock.

We found we needed a lot of glue to make sure the arms stuck solidly.

4. Paint your rocks. Try varying shades of green with stripes, or add a tiny pattern of dots or V or X shapes to give the look of needles.

5. Fill your base with sand or small pebbles and "plant" your garden.

with KIDS

HOW-TO

CREATE IT AT HOME

ClEAN COMPOST HOW TO FOOD COMPOST WITHOUT ATTRACTING VERMIN

BY JULIA BAYLY

WHEN DONE WELL, food composting is an excellent way to dispose of waste while creating garden-friendly soil additives. But, when done in a slipshod manner, all that organic waste becomes a convenient and smelly buffet for rats, mice and other vermin.

According to Mark King, specialist with the Maine Department of Environmental Protection and co-founder of the Maine Compost School, moisture management is the key to effective and clean composting.

“The easiest way to control those odors is not to create those conditions which cause them in the first place,” King said. “You need to break up the compost materials to let the oxygen flow.”

30 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

COMPOST IS HAPPIEST AND AT ITS MOST PRODUCTIVE WHEN IT IS MIXED AT A RATIO OF ONE PART “GREEN” — OR ORGANIC — WASTE TO TWO PARTS CARBON PRODUCING “BROWN” WASTE, SUCH AS LEAVES OR MANURE.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED: A SOURCE OF BROWN WASTE: King’s go-to brown waste is horse manure, which he said is just about the best thing anyone can use. To this you’ll add food or green waste — leftover cooking scraps or garden waste. You’ll need a bin to hold the waste.

Don’t be afraid to make your own out of wire fencing or stiff netting.

FOR THE BIN: Take a 6- or 10-foot length of 4-foot-high fencing/netting (King uses lobster trap fencing) and roll it into a large cylinder, fastening the ends with bent, wire coat hangers. These homemade bins are strong enough to hold the composting materials, and the open squares allows for proper aeration. When done properly, these bins are effective, odorless and do not attract pest like rats or other vermin.

PHOTOS: (TOP RIGHT) MARK KING; KARIHOGLUND, NOBILIOR, STGRAFIX/GETTY IMAGES

HOW TO LAYER IT: Begin your compost pile with a 6-inch layer of manure in the bottom of the compost bin, leaving 6 inches between the manure and the sides of the bin.

Add a layer of food waste on top of that manure and then another 6-inch layer of horse manure that covers the food and extends down into that space between the bottom layer and the sides of the bin. This will seal off the food layer and prevent any odor.

From there, it’s simply a matter of consistent layering the compost in a sort of food wastebrown manure parfait all season.

“There is no smell at all from the manure,” King said. “The cool thing about horse manure is it will compost on its own and the food is just along for the ride.”

If it does start to smell or attract vermin, there is a simple fix. Just add more brown compost material, give it a stir and the problem is solved.

The compost will be ready for garden by the next growing season.

at

HOME

PHOTO: LIUDMYLASUPYNSKA/GETTY IMAGES

HOME & FAMILY

32 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

DOING WHAT THEY

LOVE

FEMALE FARMERS ON THE RISE IN MAINE

PHOTO: RAWPIXEL/GETTY IMAGES

BY CRYSTAL SANDS WHEN THE SUN RISES across the state of Maine, farmers rise, too. The animals need food, water and attention. The day in the life of a farmer starts early. But the traditionally maledominated industry is seeing an increase in the number of women joining its ranks.

“Maine has a tradition of being full of hardworking people willing to roll up their sleeves.

Women up here were brought up without the traditional gender roles because everyone had to pitch in to get the work done. This has given women the power to do anything they want. We don’t look at fencing, plowing, putting up firewood and think, ‘That’s the man’s job.’ We look at it and think, ‘That needs to be done,’ and we do it,” Steph Grant of Hawthorn and Thistle Farm in Damariscotta said.

It’s not hyperbole to say that Maine is bucking trends when it comes to women as farmers.

There has been a national decline in the number of female farmers, but Maine has seen an increase in their numbers. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, the number of female farmers

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 33

HOME & FAMILY

“LEARNING HOW TO KNIT PUSHED ME TO WANT TO KNOW THE NEXT STEP AND THEN THE NEXT... OH, HOW DO I SPIN IT? NOW, HOW DO I TAKE IT FROM SHEEP TO YARN? WHEN I TURNED 22, I BOUGHT MY FIRST TWO EWES, EUNICE AND ESTHER. THE REST IS HISTORY.” — STEPH GRANT

tripled nationally between the years of 1978 and 2007, but there was a small drop in the number of female farmers between 2007 and 2012, corresponding with an overall drop in the number of farmers.

The numbers in Maine, however, tell a different story. The number of overall farms in Maine increased during these same years, as did the percentage of female farmers.

According to the most recent census data from 2012, the percentage of female farmers was up in Maine to 41 percent, compared to 31 percent nationally. And the number of females as principal operators of a farm is up as well, according to the data — from 16 percent in 1997 to 29 percent in 2012. This means that nearly one-third of the farms in Maine are run by women.

Steph Grant knew for a long time that she wanted to be a farmer. Her interest began she was 10 years old and learned how to knit. “Learning how to knit pushed me to want to know the next step and then the next. How do I dye the fiber? Oh, how do I spin it? Now, how do I take it from sheep to yarn? When I turned 22, I bought my first two ewes, Eunice and Esther. The rest is history,” she said.

Grant now runs a livestock farm by herself. She has 27 sheep and 26 rabbits.

She sells handspun and hand-dyed yarns to the public, along with the meat from the sheep and rabbits.

34 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

PHOTO: COURTESY STEPH GRANT

Steph Grant of Hawthorn operates Thistle Farm in Damariscotta.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 35

PHOTO: OLIVIER LANTZENDARFFER/GETTY IMAGES

HOME & FAMILY

36 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

Hope Ciccone runs Ramblin Rooster Farm in Cornville. There, she raises poultry and vegetables and sells young turkeys to the public. Ramblin Rooster is working to re-establish two heritage breeds of turkeys, one of which is almost extinct. Ciccone got into farming because she wanted to know where her meat was coming from and how the animals were cared for.

“Mainers are known for our independence. Females like myself don’t hesitate to try to take on new challenges for the betterment of our families,” Ciccone said.

Female farmers in Maine are changing things in farming, bringing a new sense of community to farming. Ciccone and Grant both say female farmers are more likely to ask for help and give it, creating a sense of community among farmers that helps to bring everyone together. Informal female farmer organizations are popping up, offering activities like potluck dinners and special guest speakers. Farm Friends, a place for female farmers to gather, offers

“MAINERS ARE KNOWN FOR OUR INDEPENDENCE. FEMALES LIKE MYSELF DON’T HESITATE TO TRY TO TAKE ON NEW CHALLENGES FOR THE BETTERMENT OF OUR FAMILIES.” —HOPE CICCONE

activities throughout the summer. And at the Farmer to Farmer workshops hosted by the Maine Organic Farmers and Gardeners Association, or MOFGA, an all-female farmer workshop was offered last year.

“What we bring to the table is a chance to build stronger communities. We are not as physically strong as men, no matter how tough we try to be. Sometimes we

need to ask for help. We reach out to our neighbors, friends, other homesteaders and farmers for a hand,” Grant said.

“This asking for help brings people to your homestead or us to theirs. This gives you the opportunity to get to know them better, talking, laughing sharing food and stories. It may just be two people or it may be 20. Either way, they are coming together for a common goal to help each other.”

Ciccone sees another benefit in the rise of female farmers. Although there are exceptions, Ciccone said in her experience that the ethics of care for the animals is a higher priority for female farmers. “I’ve noticed that many of my female farming friends put ethics of animal care as one of the priorities.

It’s not just about feeding our families but also about proper care and treatment of the animals,” Ciccone said.

With the number of female farmers on the rise, there’s a good chance that, if you’re buying locally and supporting local farms, you’re supporting female farmers as well.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 37

HOME & FAMILY

GATEKEEPERS ARE THE EYES AND EARS OF THE NORTH MAINE WOODS STORY & PHOTOS BY JULIA BAYLY IF YOU’RE PLANNING a trip north into the North Maine Woods, get ready to meet the “gatekeepers,” the men and women who keep track of who goes in and comes back out and what their plans are while within its borders.

Covering more than 3.5 million acres of commercial forestland, the North Maine Woods is a partnership of large and small landowners, including corporations, individuals and families, that manages a large chunk of Maine.

Over the years, landowners have established a series of gated entrances into the North Maine Woods, not to restrict access but to control it, according to Al Cowperthwaite, executive director of the North Maine Woods.

38 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

NORTH MAINE WOODS’ EYES AND EARS The eyes and ears keeping track of all comings and goings are the 40 receptionists who monitor the 14 checkpoints — or gates — leading to and from the North Maine Woods.

“Those [receptionists] are very important to the mission of the North Maine Woods,” Cowperthwaite said. “They are sort of the Wal-Mart greeters for people coming in.”

Anyone entering the North Maine Woods must first check in at one of the gates.

The checkpoints are monitored by the receptionists, who live in gatehouses or nearby cabins, either physically or electronically 24 hours a day, seven days a week from May 1 to Nov. 30.

When a visitor comes through, the receptionist takes down some basic information including vehicle license plate number, name and home address, and the visitor pays an entrance fee based on residency, age, purpose of the trip and how long they plan to stay.

Because of that system, which is now computerized, they know at all times who is where and doing what in the North Maine Woods, Cowperthwaite said.

“There are no secrets in the North Maine Woods,” he said.

THE GATEKEEPERS At one time, the role of gatekeeper or receptionist was dominated by women — retirees looking for something to do for

Receptionists at the entry gates are crucial contacts for anyone entering the area and are the go-to for directions and recommendations on where to go and how to stay safe.

AT ONE TIME, THE ROLE OF GATEKEEPER OR RECEPTIONIST WAS DOMINATED BY WOMEN — RETIREES LOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO DO FOR SEVERAL MONTHS OUT OF THE YEAR OR MARRIED WOMEN LOOKING FOR EXTRA MONEY FOR THE FAMILY.

several months out of the year or married women looking for extra money for the family.

These days, according to Cowperthwaite, women still outnumber the men by about 3 to 1, but the demographic has changed.

“We have some great guys who are gatekeepers,” he said. “We also have two married couples who work gates as a team.”

Carolyn Gardner has been a North Maine Woods receptionist for eight years at the St. Francis Gate located about a quarter-mile off Route 162 and 30 miles west of Fort Kent.

“We register the recreationist people going in and keep records of the loggers going in and out,” Gardner said. “Basically it’s for safety. We know if someone doesn’t come out, someone is going to have to go in and look for them.”

The system, Gardner explained, does not require someone entering the woods to exit through the same gate.

“They have a paper from us showing where they came in and would show that to the receptionist at whatever gate they go out,” she said. “That allows us to keep track of them and record when and where they went out.”

Access is controlled by a simple cable stretching from the gatehouse porch to a pole across the road. Once a person is cleared to enter or exit, the receptionist lowers the cable with a simple wooden lever inside the building.

The gates are closed and locked from 9 p.m. to 5 a.m., but Gardner said no one has ever been trapped in the woods overnight who didn’t want to be.

“I’ve had someone wake me up at night because they were coming out after 9,” she www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 39

HOME & FAMILY REALTORS Carolyn Gardner, receptionist at the St. Francis Gate in the North Maine Woods, logs the names and times of people entering the woods at her gate.

Your listing could be on this page.

Sell it faster.

Advertise in Bangor Metro’s Home section.

Call 207-990-8000.

40 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

said with a laugh. “That’s just part of the job. We are here to help.”

Darlene Kelly Dumond, an Allagash native who works weekends at the Little Black Gate just outside the village of Allagash, has returned to her roots.

“I grew up right across the road,” she said, pointing to a plot of land near the St. John River about 100 yards from the gatehouse.

“That’s the old family homestead.”

Kelly Dumond admits she could not wait to leave once she graduated high school.

More than three decades later, she’s back and there is nowhere else she’d rather be.

Working as a receptionist for the North Maine Woods, she said, is a perfect fit for her rediscovered lifestyle.

“My grandfather worked this gate,” Kelly Dumond said. “Some days I look out and see the fog rise from the river and the sun hits it and I think, ‘My God, this must be just how Grammy and Grampy saw it.’”

Kelly Dumond’s alarm goes off at 4 a.m., and the coffee is brewing soon after.

“At 5 a.m. I turn on the lights, unlock the door and we are open for the day,”

​With a friendly wave, North Maine Woods receptionist Carolyn Gardner sends a logger on his way into the woods.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 41

HOME & FAMILY

​ oads can be confusing for first time visitors to the North R Maine Woods where logging trucks have the right of way.

(Below) A truck hauling logging equipment heads into the North Maine Woods.

she said, adding there are times people are already waiting to get into the woods.

More often than not, the traveler stays to exchange pleasantries before hitting the roads to that favorite fishing hole or campsite.

“I really enjoy meeting the people,” Gardner said. “We get people from all over the world [and] you meet people who came as teenagers and now 20 or so years later they are back.”

READY FOR ANYTHING Beyond checking people in and out of the North Maine Woods, the receptionists often have to be ready at a moment’s notice to render aid — be it assisting an unlucky traveler who has a flat tire or assuring rescue personnel can respond quickly to medical emergencies.

“There is a large percentage of our visitors going into the Allagash who have never been there before,” Cowperthwait said. “Our receptionist can help them find their way around and warn them of anything they should watch out for.”

For example, many newcomers may not know all roads within the North Maine Woods are private. Logging trucks always have right of way.

The drivers of those big rigs communicate with each other over special radios so they pretty much know the location of every truck on the roads. Recreational visitors, however, are often clueless.

So it’s up to the gatekeepers to warn nonloggers and other visitors to drive slowly, take extra caution at all curves and to always give the logging trucks the right of way.

“That is very important information,” Cowperthwaite said. “If you’ve never been there, the North Maine Woods can be pretty intimidating so our staff is integral to people have a safe trip.”

MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, THE TRAVELER STAYS TO EXCHANGE PLEASANTRIES BEFORE HITTING THE ROADS TO THAT FAVORITE FISHING HOLE OR CAMPSITE. 42 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

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990-8040

LET'S

VOTE IT IS UP TO US TO CREATE CHANGE IN 2018

BY JANE MARGESSON, AARP MAINE COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR

THIS MIDTERM ELECTION SEASON has many critical issues on the line. While some Maine voters may feel disheartened by current political upheaval and discord, we hear from our AARP members that it’s more important than ever to cast a vote in the general election on Nov. 6.

This is encouraging. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, Mainers 50 and older voted in the 2014 midterm elections at higher percentages than the national average — 68 percent of Maine registered voters ages 50 to 59 compared to the national average of 49 percent for that same age group.

Interestingly, women in Maine cast their vote at a much higher rate than the national average — 63 percent in Maine compared to 43 percent nationally. With this in mind, I asked several women to share their thoughts on why voting in 2018 matters.

“Every time I cast a ballot, I still cannot believe that women have had the right to vote for less than 100 years,” Carol Taylor of Bangor said.

Women were granted the right to vote with the passage of the 19th Amendment, which was ratified by U.S. on Aug. 18, 1920.

Women like Andrea Littlefield from Hermon take the responsibility to vote very seriously.

“I’ve never missed an election,” Littlefield said. “Even when I lived away for school I made sure that I got my absentee ballot. It’s just important. If you want to complain about things, you can’t complain if you haven’t been a part of the process.”

As the November general election nears, Lorain Francis in Union wants to make sure everyone who can votes. “It’s absolutely important that all voices are heard. If you need a ride [to the polls], call somebody,” Francis said.

This commitment to voting is inspiring, and through AARP’s non-partisan initiative “Be the Difference. Vote.” Mainers are taking a pledge to vote in November. Visit aarp.org/Pledge2Vote to add your name.

On the “Be The Difference. Vote.” website (www.aarp.org/me) multimedia information for Maine voters will be available regarding where candidates stand on critical issues such as Social Security, prescription drug costs and affordable housing, as well as information about scheduled community conversations, debates and more.

“Every election is important, but oftentimes women's issues are not at the forefront, and we need to make sure our voices are heard. Caregiving, the long-

PHOTO: ©BIZOO_N/ADOBE STOCK

HOME & FAMILY

term solvency of Social Security and Medicare — these are just some of the issues that affect women proportionately more than men. It is up to us to create change in 2018 and in every election after that,” Taylor said.

As we near Election Day, Mainers can further fruitful discussions with candidates, community leaders and neighbors by using the resources and tools available online through the National Institute for Civil Discourse Initiative to Revive Civility available at revivecivility.org. AARP Maine has partnered with the local offshoot, Maine Revives Civility, to help spread the word about how to have respectful conversations on tough issues.

What issues matter the most to you and your family? If you are discouraged by the current political climate, you might be interested in spearheading opportunities for civil discourse in Greater Bangor. We invite you to join our efforts to combat degradation of public dialogue and generate change on a local level.

It is important to remember that while our system may have its flaws, every voice does matter and we all have the opportunity to make it count. Let’s make it count on Nov. 6. www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 45

FEATURE

IN CONVERSATION

#MAINETOO THE NATIONAL #METOO CONVERSATION HITS HOME IN MAINE WHERE FOLKS ARE WORKING TO FIND A WAY FORWARD

BY JULIA BAYLY, ABIGAIL CURTIS AND AISLINN SARNACKI 46 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

PHOTO: GABOR DEGRE

ME TOO. LIKE A HEARTBEAT and a drumbeat, those two small words reverberated around the globe last October. It was the rallying cry of a nascent international movement against sexual misconduct, but it was also a quiet invitation to tell your story to people who would at last believe you.

You can talk about it, if you want. Yes, you too.

By now, it seems every woman has a story to share. Nearly a year later, the stories haven’t stopped coming. Assault and harassment survivors, from glittering Hollywood stars to down-to-earth Mainers, have been emboldened to speak out. The list of seemingly invincible men toppled by the movement has continued to grow, too, and includes movie producers, comedians, journalists, authors, businessmen, celebrity chefs and more.

# ME T

OO

IN CONVERSATION

Maine, of course, has not been immune. During the past few months, Mainers have had conversations about consent and coercion, about workplace harassment, about the importance of believing victims, about privilege, about due process, about the inevitable backlash to the movement.

These conversations are often difficult, but they have had staying power.

Amy Blackstone, a University of Maine sociologist who has studied workplace sexual harassment for 20 years, said that has come as a welcome surprise. She was at a conference during the October weekend when the national story about Harvey Weinstein, the Hollywood producer accused of IT’S THIS sexual assault, broke. Her phone started ringing, and it didn’t stop.

COLLECTIVE MOMENT “I wound up talking to reporters on the phone all weekend about sexual AND DECISION THAT WE harassment,” Blackstone said. “My MADE, THAT ENOUGH IS first thought was, ‘This is great. And it’ll last for about two days.’”

ENOUGH, AND WE’RE GOING But she was wrong.

TO KEEP ON TALKING ABOUT “There are so many more spaces, places, opportunities, for IT UNTIL WE DO all of us to keep the conversation SOMETHING ABOUT IT. going. That’s what I think is so amazing about this,” she said. “It’s this —AMY BLACKSTONE collective moment and decision that we made, that enough is enough, and we’re going to keep on talking about it until we do something about it.”

# Me

Too

JEN’S STORY It was snowing heavily on the March 2008 night when the trouble happened, the night that Jen, whose name is changed because of fear of retaliation, still can’t remember.

It’s almost as though the blizzard somehow blotted out her memory along with the landscape outside the Belfast Armory.

The 25-year-old had joined the Army the year before and was excited for the life she was building for herself and her young son. A member of the Maine Army National Guard, she was assigned to a Belfast-based engineering unit and reported for her second drill weekend with her new team. Because of the storm, they were required to stay the night at the Armory. A party soon got underway. There was a room there that served as a kind of non-commissioned officer’s club, complete with cheap alcohol, pool tables and games.

At first, she was having fun.

“I was led to believe it was kind of a tradition,” she said. “I was under the impression it was like being in a new family.

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... We’re a family, and it was a celebration.

But really it was anything but.”

One of the guys — one of her commanding officers — was mixing drinks for her, which she accepted. That’s when her memory stops.

Hours later, she woke up in a dark room in the attic, naked and in someone else’s sleeping bag. She was traumatized and distraught when she realized she had been raped. She was worried about getting pregnant or getting a sexually transmitted disease and went to the hospital, where a doctor conducted a sexual assault forensic exam. She didn’t want to press charges, and wasn’t sure who to press them against anyway. She didn’t really know what she wanted to do, so she didn’t do anything except drink more and more.

A few months later, she reached out for help for her escalating substance abuse from the unit’s chaplain. She told him why she was drinking, and he asked her if she would speak to a sexual assault advocate. That’s when Jen’s attempt to get justice and answers began.

Amy Blackstone is a University of Maine sociologist who has studied workplace sexual harassment for 20 years.

Through a joint investigation of the Belfast Police Department and the Maine Army National Guard, a few of the blank spaces in the night eventually were filled in, but not all of them. Detectives talked to all the soldiers who had been at the armory with Jen that night. They all had different stories about what had happened.

Jen believes that more than one man sexually assaulted her. One man said a sexual encounter happened, but it was consensual. The other men denied anything happened at all.

“It’s usually a ‘he-said, she-said’ situation,” Belfast police Chief Mike McFadden, who investigated the case in 2008, said. “But she wasn’t able to say anything.”

Even with the DNA evidence from the sexual assault kit, without Jen’s side of the story, there wasn’t enough clear evidence for police to charge anyone with a crime.

Instead, the matter was handled internally by the Maine Army National Guard.

Some of the soldiers involved faced repercussions, including permanent rank

PHOTO: ADAM KÜYKENDALL

FEATURE

PHOTOS: (TOP) AP PHOTO/STEVE GRIFFIN; (BELOW) AP PHOTO/DAMIAN DOVARGANES

reductions and mandated counseling, but no one received a court martial for their role in what happened, a National Guard official confirmed. The military did not take the situation lightly, according to Lt. Col. Darryl Lyon, the media liaison with the military branch.

If the attack had happened today, it is likely that it would have been handled differently, Lyon said. During the past 10 years, the Maine National Guard and the military have changed their protocols to put a greater emphasis on the victim and their rights and increased advocacy services, too.

“Obviously, the safest place any soldier should be is with their battle buddy. We take these things very seriously.

As an organization, we’re committed to our soldiers and their safety. This is unacceptable behavior,” Lyon said.

Still, it did not feel to Jen that justice was done.

Soon after she came forward with her story, the National Guard offered her a medical discharge with a classification of post-traumatic stress disorder. But she didn’t want to take it.

“I felt that if I accepted that, in a small way I was letting them win,” she said of her attackers. “They were already not criminally punished, and I had to live with it. They would have robbed me of the career I had signed up for, and I fought for it.”

It was far from easy. Jen, who was assigned to a new duty station, battled substance abuse and the ongoing trauma of still seeing the men periodically. She did intensive therapy through Togus, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs medical center in Augusta, and had to be evaluated twice to determine whether she was mentally fit to continue serving.

Because of PTSD, Jen said she was prevented from going on deployments and believes she lost out on promotions and salary increases because of the time she took fighting the medical discharge.

One of the men involved seemed to have a vendetta against her and harassed her at her work, she said. Finally, after about eight years, it was too much for her. In 2016 she accepted a medical discharge, with the disabling condition listed as PTSD because of military sexual trauma.

“It was taking a huge mental toll on me. My last two years of service in uniform I was basically terrified every day that I went to work,” she said. “It’s a huge

(Above) Thousands attend a women’s march on the Capitol in Salt Lake City in 2017.

(This photo) The #MeToo March in the Hollywood section of Los Angeles in 2017.

blow to realize how unjust things can turn out. How it feels is that the burden of proof is on you.”

Still, she hopes the MeToo movement will help bring about some needed changes that will empower assault and harassment victims and make justice feel a little more just.

“I don’t think we’re there yet, but I think it’s a good start,” Jen said. “Over the course of trying to recover from this ordeal, the most relief you get is saying it out loud. Me too. It is a great comfort to know it’s becoming more acceptable to admit what’s happened to you. And in a strange way, it’s comforting to understand you’re not the only person to endure something of that nature.”

# moeo t

IN CONVERSATION

# ME T

Sara Trunzo has spent years being stalked by a man she briefly dated. She put off a music career to avoid being in the public eye and an easier target for her stalker.

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SARA’S STORY Sara Trunzo was 17, still attending high school in New Jersey, when she went on a couple of dates with a guy she met by chance. He was much older, and it didn’t take long — perhaps two weeks — before she decided it was “a little creepy” that a guy twice her age would want to hang out with me.

“I broke it off,” she said. “And he would not go away.”

That’s an understatement, said Trunzo, now in her 30s. Even as her life took twists and turns, and even after she moved several states away, he wouldn’t leave her in peace.

After high school she attended Unity College and fell in love with Maine. For several years, she was the director of nonprofit Veggies for All, the Unity-based food bank farm, but she recently decided to go all-in on her dream of being a country singer. Now, she is living largely on the road while touring to support her music career, but she will always call Waldo County her home base. Through it all, the man she knew so briefly when she was a teenager has resurfaced in her life, when he is least expected or wanted.

“The very short version is that this person has stalked and harassed me for almost 15 years,” she said, adding that she didn’t put a name to his behavior until she was older. “Someone said, ‘You are getting stalked.’ No. Gwyneth Paltrow gets stalked. I’m an environmental writing major. Who would stalk me? But it’s about power and intimidation. It kind of doesn’t matter who I am.”

Since she left New Jersey, the unwanted contact has always been remote: emails or calls or sending unwanted gifts, no matter how much or how forcefully she told him to leave her alone, to stop getting in touch.

Police officers have even told him to stop contacting her. But it hasn’t worked.

“Boundaries being violated are boundaries being violated,” she said. “It’s someone who’s been asked to go away, and he has not gone away. Therefore, I feel threatened. Has this person clearly not respected a boundary? Yes. And that is scary. That’s how unpredictable or unwell or something that he is that makes me uneasy.”

Although her dream was to become a musician, she for years didn’t want to pursue it to minimize the avenues he had into her life. She felt fear and shame that this person kept popping up in a way that made her uneasy and was hard to explain.

PHOTOS: DANIELLE SHEILDS

FEATURE

“I thought, ‘If you do music, you have to be public.’ And I wanted to be “SOMEONE SAID, private,” Trunzo said.

Then, something changed. She ‘YOU ARE GETTING began to pursue music. She decided STALKED.’ NO. GWYNETH that she couldn’t allow him to PALTROW GETS STALKED. change her behavior anymore.

Then, last spring, he subscribed I’M AN ENVIRONMENTAL to her music listserv. She WRITING MAJOR. WHO WOULD recognized his email address and STALK ME? BUT IT’S ABOUT decided enough was enough.

“I’ve been through a lot in POWER AND INTIMIDATION. the past year. I’m not scared. I IT KIND OF DOESN’T want to put this to bed for good,” she said.

MATTER WHO I AM.” She filed for an order of protection and was given a court date, —SARA TRUNZO but the man sent a note to Maine, saying it would be a hardship for him to be there.

The order was denied on grounds that he never threatened her physically.

“It felt so unfair,” she said. “I still have But once those stories have been shared, “Frankly, what was alleged against the it in the back of my mind, is that person what happens next? owner of Waterfront Concerts and what going to crop up again? I don’t live in fear Blackstone, the University of Maine he plead guilty to is unacceptable from every day. But the internet is my workplace. sociologist and workplace sexual the city’s point of view,” Portland City And I would like to have, you know, a note harassment expert, knows taking action Manager Joe Jennings said. “We just felt in the file [saying] that this person is not can be challenging in a small state like strongly that we have a responsibility to not supposed to reach out to me.”

Maine where people are often deeply only protect people, obviously through the What she does have is a song she wrote, interconnected. That can make cases feel police department and fire department, but called “Wishbone.” It tells the story of a more personal, Blackstone said. also to set a moral standard.” woman who is the victim of harassment.

“We are not immune. ... Everybody But some have called Portland’s deWhenever she plays it in public, women knowing everybody — that can work in cision an empty gesture. They instead and often men come up and tell her their our favor. But it can also work against us, contracted directly with Live Nation, the own stories of being harassed or assaulted. in some ways. … Speaking up in a small largest live entertainment company in “It is the women that I have heard stories community in some ways can be scarier. the United States that previously subconfrom, and of course it’s so many of us. It’s You feel the repercussions more quickly tracted local promotions and venue manalmost all of us. There is this really inspiring and easily than you can in other places,” she agement to Waterfront Concerts. There’s vein of defiance and it’s not just how I feel, said. “But we can use that as a motivation nothing to prevent Live Nation from conit’s also how I want to feel,” she said. “Fear for positive change. Rather than looking tinuing to subcontract. is not the boss of me. That’s what I’m doing at is as, ‘If I don’t go to these concerts, my “It’s very difficult to police everything,” right now. Hey, I am doing music. I will not local restaurant will be harmed,’ you can Jennings said. “We can control who we hide out. I will not hide out.” look at it as, ‘How can I collaborate with directly work with, but we can’t be the judge And that’s the point of the MeToo my local restaurant?’” and jury for every issue. Whatever Live movement, she feels. It’s to shine light in Waterfront Concerts owner Alex Nation decides to do, that’s up to them.” the dark corners, and to replace shame, Gray pleaded guilty to assaulting his exMeanwhile, Bangor City Council has isolation and fear with empathy and girlfriend, Erica Cole, last fall. He received faced public scrutiny over signing a new solidarity. a deferred disposition, which means the 10-year contract with Waterfront Concerts, “Let’s put that stuff out in the light of conviction will be dismissed if he abides locking in a deal with the entity while Gray day,” she said. “And, actually, it’s scary. by conditions set by a judge. Meanwhile, was awaiting trial. Many area women and We’re going to have to talk about stuff that Waterfront Concerts has continued to ink men spoke out about their desire for the is hard stuff.” deals and books shows. This spring, Cole city to cut its ties with the concert promoter wrote a powerful letter telling her story of after its passage. They’ve written letters to FROM COURTROOM TO surviving domestic violence, and she shared the editor, attended city council meetings to CITY COUNCIL it publicly. She also chastised leaders in demand the city change its path and lit up In Maine, the MeToo movement has Bangor and Portland for doing business social media, but to no avail. shaken the foundations of major with Gray’s company.

“We have a contract with Waterfront businesses and nonprofits as victims of In response, Portland city councilors Concerts the entity and not any one sexual misconduct have boldly stepped voted to rescind the city’s contract with individual,” Bangor City Council Chairman forward to tell their stories.

Waterfront Concerts.

Ben Sprague, who declined to be interviewed

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IN CONVERSATION

for this story, wrote in a Facebook post about the matter. “The City of Bangor does business with hundreds of entities in any given year and we have no legal recourse to cancel contracts based on the actions of any one person within one of those companies or organizations.”

ME TOO IN THE WORKPLACE Another situation that brought the national conversation home to Maine is the controversy over Maine Media Collective that was sparked when former Maine Home + Design Art Director Jessie Lacey accused the collective’s founder, Kevin Thomas, of making unwanted advances one night at a bar. That was followed by months of “systematic bullying, relentless gaslighting, and calculated mental harassment the likes of which I had never before, or since, experienced,” she wrote in an essay published on the online platform Medium.

Immediately after Lacey went public with the story in April, Thomas stepped back from the company he’d founded and run for over a decade, handing the reins to Andrea King, formerly the chief operating officer of the Maine Media Collective and now the publisher and CEO. On June 14, Maine Media Collective announced its assets had been purchased by State 23 Media LLC, severing ties from Thomas completely.

“I’m really just focused on the future,” King said, “having best practices, having someone assess our company culture and

having new owners who are committed to the same values I have of being progressive, offering employees a wonderful place to work that’s open and communicative.”

“PART OF ME FELT TERRIBLE FOR DRAGGING ANYONE THROUGH ANY OF THIS. BUT I FELT A RESPONSIBILITY TO THE OTHER PEOPLE I HEARD WERE GOING THROUGH SIMILAR SITUATIONS.” —STEPHANIE BROCK

While the events Lacey went public with occured eight years ago, they profoundly impacted the company, said King, who has since hired a third-party human resources consulting team to review the company’s employee manual and policies. She also plans to hire a third-party group to review the company culture.

n speaking A marcher carries a sig assment as out against sexual har men's March she takes part in a Wo year. in Seattle earlier this

The company’s employees had already received training about sexual harassment within a year of starting there, which is required by Maine law for all workplaces with 15 or more employees.

THE LAST STRAW In January, Venture Hall, a Portland nonprofit focused on educating entrepreneurs and helping startup companies grow, unexpectedly shut down. A notice on the nonprofit’s website stated one of the co-founders had resigned for “personal reasons.”

It didn’t take long for the mystery to unravel.

The next day, Stephanie Brock, general manager of Red Thread, a Portland company that helps create office space, publicly accused Venture Hall’s co-founder and president Jess Knox of sexual misconduct, not only toward her but to other women, as well.

“I, like many other women in corporate America, have seen a lot of inappropriate behavior in my career and have been taught to marginalize it and shove it aside and keep plodding on,” Brock said. “Women.

We’re resilient. That’s what we do.”

This time was different. This time, she wasn’t the only one. Other women confided in Brock about Knox. Suddenly, she felt like she had a responsibility to speak up. And in the midst of the Me Too movement, she thought people would actually listen.

“Part of me felt terrible for dragging anyone through any of this,” Brock said. “But I felt a responsibility to the other people I heard were going through similar situations.”

In response, Knox publicly admitted to “inappropriate text messages” and “making a colleague uncomfortable during

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THEIR DECISION, THEY SAID, ISN’T ABOUT CENSORSHIP. IT’S ABOUT CHOOSING WHAT WORKS TO SHOWCASE IN THEIR ESTABLISHMENT. THEY CHOOSE NOT TO SUPPORT WRITERS WHOSE ACTIONS THEY CONDEMN.

WHEN OUR HEROES DISAPPOINT US AT MAINE BOOKSTORES, allegations of sexual misconduct by authors has posed questions about what to do. Emily Russo and Josh Christie, co-owners of Portland’s Print: A Bookstore, removed from their shelves the books of writers who recently have been accused of sexual misconduct.

This includes the work of Junot Diaz, a Dominican-American writer who won the 2008 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction for his novel “The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao.” It also includes Jay Asher, author of the popular young-adult novel that became a Netflix series “Thirteen Reasons Why,” and James Dashner, author of the “Maze Runner” series. All three have been recently accused of sexual misconduct.

Their decision, Russo and Christie said, isn’t about censorship but about choosing not to support writers whose actions they condemn.

“We’re in no way advocating the books not be available to people, not exist or be removed from the library,” Christie said. “But we have room for about 20,000 titles in our store. That’s about a tenth of 1 percent of all books out there in English. We’re just making decisions about what we carry, what fits for our store.”

Lacey Simmons, owner of Hello Hello Books in Rockland, is of like mind. She removed the same books from her store’s shelves, even though in many cases she finds it to be heartbreaking.

“Junot Diaz just released this kids’ book [Islandborn] that means a lot to to kids that look like him,” Simmons said. “People identify so deeply with the work that they love and don’t want to believe these things are possible.

People who write the work mean so much to them on a fundamental and personal level.”

The bookstores will still special order books

from these writers for their customers, but they won’t be placing them back on the shelves.

At The Briar Patch in Bangor, owner Gibran Graham feels there are certain responsibilities that come with running a predominantly children’s book store. He and his staff decided to sell through the stock they have but will only reorder by customer request.

“We want to show diversity and inclusivity,” he said. “But when you have something that rings terrible in people’s eyes, there is obviously a big conversation on whether you carry those authors or not.”

But, he said, there are so many other authors his store can support.

“I feel we have a strong opportunity here,” he said. “Those are just a few authors in a sea of thousands. We can push debut authors, diverse authors, authors of color or minorities and the books in which those are the subjects.”

However not all bookstore owners are of like-mind. Simmons recently attended the annual BookExpo in New York City, where this issue was a huge topic of discussion, and she said the bookstore owners there had differing opinions about whether to continue to support those writers.

“It varies widely,” Simmons said. “There are those who say, ‘No, we aren’t carrying that person’s work anymore at all,’ then some will say, ‘It’s not the writer, it’s the work [that’s important].’”

At The Briar Patch, Graham has looked to turn those sales into a positive.

“I don’t necessarily want to make money on an author who has admittedly done something dastardly wrong.” Graham said.

“Any proceeds we make from those books we have on stock or reorder will go to an applicable nonprofit organization.”

Josh Christie co-owns Portland’s Print: A Bookstore with Emily Russo. They have removed from their shelves the books of writers who recently have been accused of sexual misconduct.

PHOTOS BY TROY R. BENNETT

IN CONVERSATION

a business trip.” The details of what actually occurred remain vague, and that’s the way Brock wants to keep it.

“I think everybody loves a juicy story, of course,” Brock said. “People want the icky details. But at the end of the day, it’s not the details that matters. It’s the fallout. It’s more about not allowing toxic behavior to continue.”

Brock said she was in a position where she felt fairly safe speaking up. She had the full support of the company she’d been working at for several years. She realized her privilege as a white, 42-year-old, accomplished businesswoman who knew plenty of lawyers. Still, she was worried.

“I was worried about it affecting my family and business honestly,” Brock said.

“I was grateful it didn’t drag out. I could have taken a very different path. There were a lot of things I was worried about because no road map exists. The movement of Me Too and Time’s Up — we’re still working out way through how to manage this.”

THE CONVERSATION MOVING FORWARD As high-profile men such as Weinstein and Bill Cosby stand accused of sexual

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harassment, the MeToo movement has put everyone —women, in particular — in an uncomfortable, albeit necessary place having equally as uncomfortable and necessary conversations. In May, Weinstein was arrested and charged with rape, a criminal sex act, sexual abuse and sexual misconduct for cases involving two women.

“It’s important to be in this uncomfortable place,” Cara Courchesne, communications director at Maine Coalition Against Sexual Assault, said.

“There has been a lot of focus on [MeToo] with Harvey Weinstein being charged and Bill Cosby being convicted, and that is great, but there is still a lot more to be done.”

Those conversations, according to Dr. Judith Rosenbaum, assistant professor of communication and journalism at the University of Maine, are crucial to keep the MeToo movement moving forward.

Social media, Rosenbaum said, can play an important role in that momentum.

“If everyone on Twitter is talking about MeToo and then the media starts talking about it, that will keep people on their toes, and we will hopefully see companies reforming their policies and

People march in support of female empowerment and women’s rights earlier this year in Portland, Oregon.

taking steps against ongoing sexual harassment,” Rosenbaum said. “In fact, you can argue the pressure that came from social media played a large role in the arrest of [Harvey] Weinstein.”

It’s that attention, according to Rosenbaum, that will bring about meaningful change in workplace harassment policy. Moreover, the public and businesses can take responsibility to ensure that happens.

Maine law also requires businesses with fewer than 15 employees to display a poster about sexual harassment in a prominent and accessible location in the workplace. The poster must include specific information, including how to report sexual harassment to the Maine Human Rights Commission. But there’s more that can be done — and that includes keeping the conversation in the public dialogue.

“In the past, many employers have used a sexual harassment video they show during orientation and then move on, but I’ve found in the past couple years there has been an increase in employers wanting to use live trainers,” Sarah Newell, an attorney at Eaton Peabody in Bangor who offers in-person training programs about sexual harassment for businesses throughout Maine, said. “I think in part that’s because of the MeToo movement.”

MAINE IS NOT IMMUNE “We have this idea about Maine that it is beautiful and ‘Vacationland,’ and it is,” Courchesne said. “But it is also important to acknowledge these things happen here like everywhere else, and unless you pay attention to it, the more the problems just grow.”

Workplace sexual harassment can be found in all employment sectors in Maine, Courchesne said.

“Sexual harassment reports to the Maine Human Rights Commission have more than doubled in recent years, so this is clearly an issue,” she said. “Where you have a workplace, you have sexual harrasment.”

Last year, the commission received 58 complaints of sexual harassment from Maine employees, which was a jump from the 39 complaints in 2016 but lower than the 10-year average of 65 between 2008 and 2017.

What makes the issue more pressing, according to Courchesne, is the fact that, according to the Equal Employment

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FEATURE

Opportunity Commission, an esti“SOMEONE SAID, mated 75 percent of workplace ‘YOU ARE GETTING sexual harassment incidents are never reported.

STALKED.’ NO. GWYNETH For the MeToo movement PALTROW GETS STALKED. to have its intended impact, that number has to go down, I’M AN ENVIRONMENTAL she said. That can’t happen WRITING MAJOR. WHO WOULD when women believe there is STALK ME? BUT IT’S ABOUT nowhere to turn for meaningful help and resolution.

POWER AND INTIMIDATION. “Many victims of sexual IT KIND OF DOESN’T harassment may think their only option is to ignore it or MATTER WHO I AM.” laugh it off,” Courchesne said.

“They worry about when it will —SARA TRUNZO happen next, if it will escalate or if they will lose their job. They may not know where to find more information.”

BACKLASH Any time there is a push for social change, a backlash is not far behind. In the case of MeToo, it can manifest in the accused expressing feelings of victimization.

“There will always be that first person who gets punished for the thing that has always been a problem but someone finally noticed and did something,” Courchesne said. “Much of the MeToo backlash has taken place around companies who have adopted a zero tolerance when it comes to workplace sexual harassment.”

Under those zero-tolerance policies, a male employee could find himself out of job if he is found to have made any of a range of sexual advances or actions against a female employee. According to Courchesne, that policy often prevents women from reporting instances of harassment.

“We know that victims often don’t report because they don’t want the person to get fired,” she said. “They just want the behavior to stop.”

Even the EEOC does not advocate for a zero-tolerance workplace.

Rather, the commission recommends companies and businesses establish clear, easily understood and transparent “best practices” policies be in place so employees know from the start what is and is not acceptable behavior and the ranges of consequences for unacceptable behaviors, from a report being placed in a personnel file to termination.

“With zero tolerance you have a policy that may prevent someone from reporting another employee for telling sexist jokes because they don’t want to see that person

fired,” Courchesne said. “But what that has done is created an environment that allows the jokes to continue while missing an opportunity to control the behavior before it gets out of control.”

A WAY FORWARD Thanks to women of all ages, backgrounds and social demographics coming forward, the MeToo movement has progressed this far, Courchesne said.

“At this point you are the sum of your life experiences and if part of that experience has been to be subjected to workplace sexual harassment, of course it is going to still effect you,” she said. “Having someone listen to you and honoring your story is important.”

Experts are hopeful the conversation will continue moving forward.

“I hope this is just the start of the conversation and that people keep talking and addressing it,” Rosenbaum said. “That is what will eventually inspire policy changes and hopefully cultural changes [because] the best changes are the ones driven by people for people.”

Above all, Courchesne said, people must not become complacent.

“We need to stay uncomfortable,” she said. “I think the conversations around workplace sexual harassment are uncomfortable for a lot of people and that’s what happens when the status quo is challenged. The difference we are seeing now is the focus and energy of the MeToo movement [and] that has the capacity to shift things.”

Cara Courchesne, communications director at Maine Coalition Against Sexual Assault.

A new website aims to help with that.

MaineCanDo.org provides information for anyone who has been harrassed, for those who want to help people who have been harrassed and for small businesses and nonprofits to learn how to meet legal requirements and follow best practices to provide a healthy and safe workplace.

“There is just amazing stuff on this site,” Courchesne, one of the site co-founders, said.

“This is where you find trainers on how to provide that safe workplace; this is where you find information on how to conduct an investigation; this is where you find information on your rights as an employee and where to report harassment.”

Seventy businesses, nonprofits, investors and board members signed MaineCanDo’s pledge to improve how sexual harassment is handled in the workplace.

They include the heads of Tilson Technology, Maine Association of Nonprofits, Maine Angels, Bangor Savings Bank and the Bangor Daily News.

As MeToo moves forward, it will continue to raise awareness of what women experience in the workplace when it comes to sexual harassment.

“That awareness is key,” Rosenbaum said. “Yes, we have seen the initial explosion of attention with the MeToo movement, but that is really just scratching at the surface of what has been going on for decades.”

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1. YOUR VOICE IS YOUR BEST ASSET, SO USE IT WISELY “Regardless of the career or job you choose, strong speaking, writing and collaborative skills will always be an asset. The same is true of kindness and generosity. You never know where your next opportunity will come from, but in my experience it is usually from or through someone you know.”

b Kat Johnson

ACTRESS, ARTIST AND SENIOR MUSEUM EDUCATOR AND MARKETING MANAGER AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MAINE MUSEUM OF ART

2. ALWAYS REMEMBER TO TREAT YOUR PASSIONS SERIOUSLY “For most of my adult life, I associated my passions, which are writing and history, with hobbies — fun undertakings that occasionally gave me an outlet in which to pour my heart and soul onto paper and learn more about our world. I worked in fields that were very unfulfilling and, at times, harmful to my mental health. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I finally realized I could pursue my passions in the same way anyone pursues a career they love and enjoy. Since, I’ve been a successful freelance journalist and podcast host. Taking the plunge has opened the door to so many new opportunities. I only wish I had done it sooner. But I’ll never look back!”

c Crystal Ponti

PHOTOS: (BACKGROUND) RAWPIXEL LTD./ADOBE STOCK; (INSET) BDN FILE

FREELANCE JOURNALIST AND HOST OF THE HISTORY PODCAST HISTORIUM UNEARTHIA

FEATURE

3. AGE OLD WISDOM IS STILL TRUE TODAY “Be yourself. Stay true to yourself and your beliefs. Follow your dreams, even if you are scared. You don't have to do it all yourself.

Look at the big picture — details are important — but don't sweat the small stuff and things you can't control. You can set the atmosphere of your work environment by your actions and example.”

fMaureen Lynch Robinson

ARTISTIC DIRECTOR EMERITUS FOR THE ROBINSON BALLET AND DIRECTOR OF THE SCHOOL OF ROBINSON BALLET

4. NEVER FORGET YOUR FOUNDATION — FAMILY! “Family first, no matter what. The rumor that each year goes faster and faster — it is true! Never, never, never put your career before your family. Family keeps you strong and makes you who you are. Your career succeeds because of who you are.

Family creates this. Don't ever put off going to visit family, calling family or spending time with family. Those times can not be postponed or made up.”

u Dawn Moore

2018 MAINE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL PRINCIPAL OF THE YEAR AND PRINCIPAL OF LEROY H. SMITH SCHOOL IN WINTERPORT

A VI RT UE 5. PATI EN CE IS CI NG TI AC PR W OR TH job didn’t happen or t tha If nt! tie “Be pa u n’t work out or yo that relationship did ’t ren we s ng e, those thi didn’t get that hous its on is r tte be thing meant to be. Some at the lookout for wh on be ys wa Al y. wa u.” to tell yo the universe is trying

le lPRKESriIDstENenT OFMGOiaOD

BA NK SH EP HE RD FO OD

58 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

6. DON’T FORGET THAT THE PRESENT TIME IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS LOOKING TO THE FUTURE “Having a toddler grandson, it’s so clear to me ... family is about the little moments. He doesn’t care if the meal is fancy, if the house is clean or if the weather is rainy. Toddlers live in the here and now. My favorite times with family aren’t planned big gatherings but rather spontaneous get-togethers, when we play cards and matchbox cars, pull together a potluck meal, tell stories and laugh — savoring the here and now.”

c Lynn Plourde

AUTHOR OF “MAXI’S SECRETS,” “WAKE UP, BABY BEAR” AND OTHER CHILDREN’S BOOKS

7. BE BR AV E EN OU GH TO TA KE RIS KS IN LIF E “Give yourself time to seek within to find your higher pur pose and do that, no matter if people sup port you or think you’re tak ing too much of a risk. Your home is you r temple. Keep it sacred, no matter where you are. Remember to live in the present, always express gratitude for each day you are given, and never settle or limit yourself, because we do only have this life, and it is meant to be utilized to its full est capacity.”

b Ana Rapp

SIN GLE MO M AN D YO GA INS TRU CTO R

8. MONEY IS NOT THE ENEMY, EMBRACE IT NOW “The biggest thing I would tell my younger self is to start taking money seriously. The making of it is not of the devil. It’s a constant, internal battle I still poke at today with my artmaking career. I’m supposed to be splattered in paint, with $2 in my account. Start having a better relationship with money. You’re a good person. When you have it, only good things will come out of using it. It’s OK.”

e Rebecca Krupke VISUAL ARTIST

9. NEVER FORGET THAT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU HELP TO MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON “Be well-rounded, but really focus on people. If people can understand inherent worth, all the other challenges we face will fix themselves. Trust your intuition and have faith. Don't play small ever again.

And, no matter what, don't let anyone steal your joy or excitement. It is what feeds you.”

l Jill Sallade-Packard

PHOTOS: BDN FILE

CO-FOUNDER AND EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF THE HEMOPHILIA ALLIANCE OF MAINE

11. LOV E WIL L CO ME IN IT’S OW N TIM E “Try not to feel so lonely, love will come in its own good time.

I fell in love with my husband, Mit ch, in my mid-30s, which actually was the best thing that could have happened to me.

I got all my wanderlust out of the way by traveling the world before settling down here in Ban gor with him. I'm OK with devoting this time of my life to raisi ng our daughter and living a slower paced life back in Maine, beca use I've already been there and done the independent world-tr aveling thing.”

m Sarah Spangler Pfeiffer McCarthy

DIR ECTOR OF DEV ELO PME NT FOR THE BAN GOR SYM PHO NY ORC HES TRA

10. THE MORE FLEXIBLE YOU ARE WITH CAREER, THE MORE AWESOME IT WILL BE “You're not going to have your dream job right away. Not only are you almost certainly not qualified, it may not even exist. Your career at 40 won't be what you thought it would be at 20. That's not only OK, it's pretty interesting. Do all you can to keep learning and asking questions, not only so you can figure out how things work and what you should do but also so you can figure out what you don't want to do. Don't be afraid to say you don't know something, and learn as much as you can from people who are older than you. Make sure you have people who will tell you when you're wrong and will support you when you're right.”

f Kate Dickerson

FOUNDER AND DIRECTOR OF THE MAINE SCIENCE FESTIVAL

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 59

FEATURE

12. IT IS ALWAYS OK TO TOOT YOUR OWN HORN “Never be afraid to be enthusiastic. Don’t hold back. Don’t be afraid to be proud of your accomplishments, your work or the place you work. Don’t play it too cool. Ask for help when you need it and always be on the lookout for when other people need help.”

k Sarah Newell

ATTORNEY AND SHAREHOLDE R AT EATON PEABODY

13. BE A FA IR AN D CO MM ITT ED PA RE NT “If you choose to become a parent with another adu lt, make the commitment to share the work 50/50. And then stick to it once the baby has arrive d, no matter how seductive ly easy it seems to give in. Make the decision to become a parent knowing that this is a servic e job and that your childr en owe you nothing in return for the work you choose to do. Also know that this job lasts at least 18 years, in which you decide to think about another per son and meet their needs.

And finally, begin to build the relationship you want wit h your teenager as soon as you me et your baby.”

fChristine Yentes

CE RTI FIE D PR OF ESS ION AL MID WIF E

14. A SENSE OF HUMOR GOES A LONG WAY “Your body is fine, he’s not as important as you think, and start developing Russian bot-blocking software now so you can sell it to a guy named Mark Zuckerberg before 2016. Always remember to laugh, no matter what. Don’t wait for a seat at the table — always carry a folding chair with you everywhere you go. They fit easily in a hatchback.”

b Sarah Hutto

MAINE-BASED HUMOR WRITER AND CONTRIBUTO R TO THE NEW YORKER

15. BEING SMART IN BUSINESS MEANS LEARNING SOME TOUGH LOVE “No one has everything all figured out. Some people are better at appearances, and some just have a better safety net, so they don’t have far to fall. Listen to all the free business advice you can get from those more experienced than you, especially dad. Don't take out the maximum amount of student loans each semester.

Finding a well-paying job after college isn’t easy, and you’ll still be paying off those loans in 15 years. Also, learn to save money.

It shows that you value your future self. Ask for help when you need it or, even better, before things fall completely apart. People want to help you.”

u Summer Allen

OWNER OF VALENTINE FOOTWEAR

16. BE KIN D TO THE WO ME N IN YOU R LIF E “A wise woman once told me that men are accustomed to developing mentor/mentee relationships in the workplace, but women aren't as comfortable in those roles. She actually said, ‘Women tend to eat their young.’

It's a harsh statement. But I've witnessed that truth all too often. It's crucial to encourag e and develop the talented young women in our wor kplaces by offering advice, counsel and constructive criticism in ways that actually help, not hinder.”

e Elizabeth Sutherland

PHOTOS: (PEOPLE) BDN FILE

PAR TNE R AT SUT HER LAN D-W ESTON MAR KET ING COM MU NIC ATIO NS

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 61

FEATURE

17. REMEMBER WHERE YOU CAME FROM “Remember that the simple things in life are the most important. I've switched career paths a few times but have always been known to be very driven. My father is a commercial fisherman on the coast of Maine, and my mother is an awarded graphic arts designer. Growing up I saw both of them take pride in their work and always do their best. This taught me a very strong work ethic. I always loved being on the water and sort of followed in my father's footsteps, working in the commercial fisheries but did decide to go [to the University of Maine] for a degree in biochemistry during my early 20s. I spent most of my time working and studying and soon realized I had grown quite distant from my family and many of my closest friends. I look back and realize that without people to enjoy life with, there was less motivation to strive for greater things.”

b Elizabeth Gastaldo FORMER LOBSTER FISHERMAN

19. MOTHERHOOD IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS A CAREER “If I could tell my younger self anything, it would be this: Sometimes ‘just’ being a mom is enough. I put a lot of pressure on myself when my kids were little to hit the next benchmark in my career. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve let go of many of those pressures, and it feels so good to just enjoy this time of being their mother. The years with them at home go by so quickly. I don’t regret anything I’ve achieved professionally, but it took a while to realize that the most lasting impact I’ll ever make is raising these three boys of mine.”

u Sarah Smiley

COLUMNIST AND AUTHOR OF THE MEMOIRS “DINNER WITH THE SMILEYS” AND “GOT HERE AS SOON AS I COULD”

20. AND FINALLY, KNOW YOUR BOTTOM LINE “Know what your non-negotiables are. It might be a place you want to live. It might be a career path.

It might be the choice to stay at home or be a working parent. But know what those non-negotiables are — and that they may change over the course of your life — and frame things to protect and preserve them. I always knew I’d be a mom with a career outside the home, but I also knew I would need to draw tight boundaries around that to make it work. That meant giving up a lot of extracurriculars — boards and committees, hobbies, etc. — especially when my children were younger. But that means I’m spending as much quality time with them as I possibly can while balancing my family and my work.

And that is my priority.”

m Tanya Emery

DIRECTOR OF COMMUNITY AND ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT FOR THE CITY OF BANGOR

62 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

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18. THE DISHES CAN WAIT. SERIOUSLY. “Don’t be so caught up in keeping up a neat house or keeping up with the Joneses. If my younger self had thought that, it would have saved me a lot of time and anxiety over the years. This is not to say that I would tell myself to be a slob but, rather, not to be so worried about the dust, some of the piles of paperwork, some of the unwashed laundry or dishes in the sink. It’s taken me a lot of time to learn that those things will always be there, and often they can wait. I thank my children for helping me realize that. When deciding between vacuuming or reading a book to one of my daughters who has asked, the book wins!”

c Catherine Pegram

TV5 NEWS ANCHOR AND REPORTER

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FEATURE

G N I Y A S F O T R A E N I THE F

NO! HARNESSING THE POWER OF THE WORD “NO”

BY EMILY MORRISON

ONE OF THE HARDEST WORDS to say in the English language is just one syllable long: no.

How can uttering one syllable make you feel like you’ve let the universe down somehow?

Maybe the reason for our cosmic guilt comes from living in a “yes” culture. If you glance around the cosmos — or, rather, the internet, social media sites and reality shows — people everywhere are saying yes to things.

They’ve got more friends than you, more stuff than you and more exciting things to do than rearrange their furniture on a Friday night. And while they’re out there, smiling on the sidelines of their son’s baseball game, running marathons and visiting the Grand Tetons simultaneously, you’re binging on Netflix and your second bowl of rocky road ice cream.

Why should you say no to more friends, more stuff and more trips to the Tetons?

In reality, having more doesn’t mean living a happier life. In fact, recent research shows that people who understand this simple truth — that they’re all stocked up on what they truly need — have an easier time saying no to things.

Here’s why being able to say no, when the world comes calling, is better for you than that second bowl of ice cream.

RESPECT YOURSELF Saying no means that you have a healthy respect for yourself and your own goals, not that you’re careless or cold-hearted.

You understand that there are only so many hours in the day, and sometimes there just isn’t enough time to take on all you need to do.

According to a 2018 study published in the “Journal of Self and Identity,” Daniela Renger, a social and political psychology professor from Kiel University in Germany, found that people who demonstrate higher amounts of self-respect exhibit more assertiveness. Interestingly enough, Renger also observed a direct correlation between aggression and entitlement.

Simply put, you aren’t being pushy when you say no. Now if you yell, “No, and don’t ever ask me again,” when your child asks you to play Monopoly, that’s aggressive.

Here’s another example. You receive a dinner invitation at the end of a long, exhausting week from a close friend, and you’re not sure what to do. It’s hard to prioritize what’s good for you — sleep or companionship — but that’s part of being an adult. Some days you need the company of good friends and good food more than those extra hours of sleep; others, you need to go home, put up your feet, and let your husband do the cooking. Figuring out what you need most is part of respecting your own needs.

SAYING NO MEANS THAT YOU HAVE A HEALTHY RESPECT FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR OWN GOALS

It’s lovely to put others’ needs first, but repeatedly doing so means risking your own mental and emotional health. Like most things in life, figuring out the balance between acquiescing to those around you and honoring your own well-being is the first step in the journey to self-respect.

SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES Another reason this two-letter word should find its way into our vocabulary stems from the first: Others will respect you.

Saying no to something you can’t or don’t want to do means you’re setting clear boundaries. In fact, in a 2011 study from Boston College, researchers found that people who use the language of “I can’t” rather than “I don’t” are more successful at saying no.

Often, we are afraid to say “we can’t” do something because we fear that people will judge us harshly. This is what psychologists call the “harshness bias.” It’s human nature to think that “People are judging me.” But the reality is most people won’t think less of you if you say no. In fact, people tend to respect you more when you set healthy limits to your abilities.

Say, for example, your boss asks you if you can join a committee that meets after your work day ends. This is a voluntary position. You will not be paid or compensated in any way, and you’re already swimming in paperwork as it is.

Sometimes you find yourself staying late just to finish what you didn’t get done during the day, and you don’t feel like taking on more is a good idea. But what if you disappoint people? What if your boss thinks you’re not a team player?

People respect you more when you level with them than when you take on more than you can chew. Being truthful means you have a realistic perspective on what you can and can’t do. Saying, “Honestly, I’m already working overtime as it. I can’t take on anymore right now,” will garner you as much respect, if not more, than jumping into something you know you don’t have time for. www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 65

FEATURE

66 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

NO!

IT MEANS THAT... RIGHT NOW, YOU CAN’T BAKE FIVE DOZEN COOKIES BY TOMORROW AND SELL THEM AT YOUR SON’S SOCCER GAME. AND THAT’S OK.

CREATE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS Bowing out isn’t the end of the world. Most of us think abstaining means cutting ourselves off from others. We fear that our inaction will result in never being asked to do anything again.

Studies show this just isn’t the case.

Brian Ogolsky, an associate professor in human development and family studies at the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, has studied relationship research published since 1950, and he identified the best strategies for lasting relationships. He discovered that people who make it work find ways to settle their differences, “whether it be by compromising, accommodating, acceding to their partner’s way of seeing things, agreeing to disagree, or apologizing.” Simply put, Ogolsky observed that saying no is part of a healthy relationship.

Stable relationships aren’t supposed to be chess matches. Taking a step back or staying in the same place doesn’t mean you’re never moving forward. It means that in this one instance, right now, you can’t bake five dozen cookies by tomorrow and sell them at your son’s soccer game. And that’s OK. There’s always next week.

Maybe your spouse wants to get friendly or your sister feels like a spontaneous shopping trip, and you just need a back massage. Your spouse will still want to get friendly tomorrow, and your sister’s charge card isn’t going anywhere, but that knot in your back sure is. The people who truly value you want you to do what’s best for you. Those relationships aren’t going to end because you can’t do something momentarily. If anything, they’ll be stronger for your honesty.

PEACE OF MIND The biggest benefit to putting your foot down is the difference it makes in your head. There are plenty of times in life when saying yes to your child, a friend or even a complete stranger feels right. Saying yes means baking a cake after dinner, listening to your friend tell you about her long day, or giving an old man a lift home. Saying yes is a beautiful thing.

But saying no can be beautiful, too.

It means you know that in this moment, saying yes feels wrong. Psychologists call this self-knowing “mindfulness.” The practice is rooted in a Buddhist concept founded over 2,600 years ago and is now a popular psychotherapy tool.

In a 2003 study titled “Alterations in Brain and Immune Function Produced by Mindfulness Meditation,” RJ Davidson found that “mindfulness enhances self-insight, morality, intuition and fear modulation. Evidence also suggests that mindfulness meditation has numerous health benefits, including increased immune functioning.” Whether you call the ability to differentiate between right and wrong mindfulness or morality, it is clear that having the ability to weigh both the pros and cons of your decisions should be based on your own values.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 67

FEATURE

NO!

NOT TODAY

FACING AND RESOLVING INTERNAL CONFLICT COMES FROM THINKING ABOUT OUR BEST INTERESTS AND THE INTERESTS OF OUR LOVED ONES. IF YOUR DECISION TO SAY NO RESPECTS YOURSELF AND THE ONES YOU LOVE, THEN YOU SHOULD FEEL NO SHAME IN SAYING IT.

Do you have time to bake a cake before bedtime, and will ingesting 2 pounds of chocolate be good for your son? Can you really listen to your friend’s problems while you’re still dwelling on your own? Picking up an elderly hitchhiker is probably harmless, but your children are in the car with you? Is it worth the risk? Facing and resolving internal conflict comes from thinking about our best interests and the interests of our loved ones. If your decision to say no respects yourself and the ones you love, then you should feel no shame in saying it.

There are lots of different ways to practice saying no. It sounds corny, but you can rehearse what you want to say ahead of time, if it helps you face the awkwardness head on. Training your brain to use certain automatic phrases like, “I’m sorry I can’t,” rather than, “Yes, I’d love to,” takes time.

One of the reasons for this is in our programming. We’ve been conditioned to think that saying we can’t do something is wrong. Teachers tell kids, “‘Can’t’ shouldn’t be in your vocabulary!” Isn’t that ridiculous?

Of course it should. Yes, they’re right about not using can’t as an excuse, but they’re wrong about never using it.

Saying “no” or “I can’t” isn’t about giving up your power — it’s about taking it back.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 69

GET OUT

CAMPOBELLO ISLAND

24 HOURS ON

CAMPOBELLO ISLAND WALKING IN THE STEPS OF THE ROOSEVELTS

PHOTOS: TKTK

STORY & PHOTOS BY JULIA BAYLY

70 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. I gave myself that timeframe earlier this summer to see what I could see at Roosevelt Campobello International Park in New Brunswick, Canada.

It takes about 2½ hours to make the drive east from Bangor to Campobello Island. Start off heading east on Route 9, commonly referred to as “The Airline.” Then take U.S. Route 1 into Machias, then into Lubec, following the signs to Campobello Island.

It’s at Lubec where you cross the FDR Memorial Bridge from Maine into New Brunswick and on to Campobello Island. A valid passport is a must for this trip.

It was on a cool day early in June when I was showing my own passport at 12:30 p.m. to a Canadian Customs and Border official, who cheerfully waved me on my way toward the island made famous by generations of the rich and powerful who chose to summer on there, including the park’s famous namesake — President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, the 32nd president of the United States.

Jutting out into the Bay of Fundy, Campobello Island was a favorite vacation spot for generations of the RoosLEARN MORE: Want evelt family, particularly to discover more about for Franklin Roosevelt, Roosevelt Campobello who loved the hiking, International Park in New sailing, birdwatching and Brunswick, Canada? canoeing there.

Learn more

In 1964, the United States and Canadian governments created the 2,800-acre park in memorial to FDR and administer it jointly through the Roosevelt Campobello International Park Commission, which includes appointed members from both countries and is the only park of its kind in the world.

My first stop was at the park’s visitor center located at the entrance. With so much to see and do, the staff can recommended attractions and offer suggestions.

And, wow, is there ever a lot to see and do.

GETTING BACK TO NATURE There are about 10 miles of well-marked hiking trails in the park, ranging from easy half-mile strolls to more challenging rocky paths along sea cliffs.

Depending on the path taken, you are going to pass through second-generation forests, through marshes or bogs, past small coves, over gravel or sand beaches and along cliffs.

The folks at the visitor center have great maps to guide you to the trailheads, and they encourage you to be prepared with proper footwear as some of the trails go over wet and slippery terrain.

Given my self-imposed travel deadline, I decided to head out by car toward Liberty Point, a section of trail at the south end of the park accessible by vehicle, bicycle or hiking along the old carriage road to Raccoon Beach, where the foot path began.

Visit www.fdr.net.

The lights of Eastport glow across Passamaquaddy Bay.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 71

GET OUT

CAMPOBELLO ISLAND It was overcast but warm when I left the center, but by the time I arrived at the cliffs of Liberty Point after walking a halfmile, the fog was rolling in, the wind picked up and the air was much cooler, making me glad I grabbed a sweater before heading out.

Looking out into all that fog from the observation deck at Liberty Point, I knew Grand Manan Island — where a young FDR and one of his friends once dug, unsuccessfully, for pirate treasure — was out there somewhere.

Closer in was Sugar Loaf Rock just in front and to the right of the observation deck, covered with orange lichens near its top and green algae at its base.

The rocks around Liberty Point are windswept and bare, save for the brave wildflowers such as rose-root sedum, harebells, iris and beach pea, which manage to grow in small pockets of soil in between the rocks.

According to staff at the visitor center, a favorite pastime of the Roosevelts and their friends was strolling along the Island’s beaches collecting sea glass, something people still do today. Everyone who lives on Campobello seems to have a favorite spot for collecting glass and is more than happy to provide directions.

The Roosevelt Cottage is the crown jewel of Roosevelt Campobello International Park. The 33room cottage was the favorite summering place for President Franklin Roosevelt and Eleanor Roosevelt.

72 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

STEEPED IN HISTORY Though it’s hard to imagine now, when looking at all the trees, flowers and natural beauty of the park, Campobello Island was a hot-ticket resort destination a century ago, with three massive hotels, a casino, tennis courts and swimming pools.

During that time, from roughly 1880 to the end of the 1900, wealthy families from New York, Boston, Philadelphia, Ottawa and Montreal society flocked to Campobello by steamship, train and private yachts.

The Roosevelts first arrived in 1883, when FDR was just a year old. From that point on he spent every summer of his life on the island, eventually teaching his own children how to sail or organizing day hikes. That all ended in 1921, when he was diagnosed with polio, an infectious disease, while on holiday there. He ended up leaving the island on a stretcher.

At that time, polio had no known cure and often resulted in full or partial paralysis and the erosion of the individual’s motor skills. That fall, he withdrew from political life to focus on his rehabilitation at the Roosevelt home in Hyde Park, New York.

With Eleanor’s support and encouragement, he spent the next several years dividing his time between Hyde Park and Warm Springs, Georgia, participating in rehabilitative procedures that included swimming and walking.

In time, he regained the use of his arms and partial use of his legs and was fitted with special support braces. He later used a wheelchair.

It wasn’t until the 1930s that Roosevelt went back to Campobello Island. He returned for three brief visits in 1933, 1936 and 1939.

The Roosevelt “cottage” still stands as it did back in its heyday — three stories tall, with 34 rooms atop a knoll overlooking Passamaquoddy Bay. This was a place I really wanted to check out.

Park staff offer 30-minute guided tours of the house throughout the day.

On the tour I took, our guide told us that all but five furnishings in the cottage are original — including the rugs, dishes, tables, beds, light fixtures and brass telescope FDR used to not watch the stars but to watch the fishermen in the bay below.

I asked our guide whether she ever felt the presence of any of the Roosevelt family members. “No, not so much a presence, but I do have a real feeling at times that they are just out on a picnic or hike and will be back any minute,” she told me.

You can follow in the footsteps of Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt along the numerous paths in Roosevelt Campobello International Park.

www.bangormetro.com BANGOR METRO / 73

GET OUT

CAMPOBELLO ISLAND

TEA WITH ELEANOR OK, so I have to admit that as historical figures go, FDR was quite important. But it’s his wife, Eleanor Roosevelt, who really captivates me. When I found out the park offers a “Tea with Eleanor” every afternoon, I was in.

Tea time is at 3 p.m. and is served at Wells-Shober Cottage, a short walk from the visitor center. With my tiny dog, Chiclet, at my side, I strolled along a short, grassy path that starts near the Roosevelt Cottage and leads up to and across the main road to the place where tea is held. That walk is much shorter than our first attempt, during which we took the wrong grassy path and ended up down the road at the Campobello Nursing Home.

Turns out, Eleanor loved teatime.

According to Taunya Russell, one of two park guides at the Wells-Shober Cottage, no matter where she was, what she was doing or who she was with, every day at 3 p.m. was tea time for Eleanor.

“And not just any tea,” Taunya said, pouring the dark brown liquid into my cup, “It had to be King Cole Tea, made right in Canada.”

Russell hosted the afternoon tea with fellow guide and Tea With Eleanor Coordinator Dawn Parker.

While I and a family visiting from Colorado sipped tea with lemon or cream — never add lemon and cream unless you want a curdled mess, our hostess warned — we were treated to an hourlong presentation about the life of one of the country’s most beloved first ladies.

From her tragic early years with an alcoholic father and distant mother to the happier times at a French finishing school, where Eleanor got her first taste of what it meant to be a free-thinking, liberal, independent woman, to her life with FDR raising a family and then smack in the public eye as the wife of rising star in American politics to her years after FDR’s death when she became a notable figure in her own right with her work developing the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights in 1948, it was a fascinating, fast-paced and thoroughly enjoyable presentation.

I think my favorite parts were the stories about Eleanor on Campobello Island where, according to our hostesses, she was a friend to all.

“Back then, there was only one phone on the whole island, so when Eleanor wanted to make a call, she got on her blue 74 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

bicycle and rode up the road to use the phone,” Russell said. “Along the way, she invited everyone she saw to tea, so the staff never knew one day to the next how many people to expect.”

Russell is a huge fan of Eleanor Roosevelt.

“I just love her,” she said. “I find she is an inspiration to women because she fought so hard for children’s rights, for women’s rights and everything she went through made her the person she became.”

Turns out, Eleanor likely had tea in the very room in which we had been sipping.

“She had tea in rooms all over the island,” Russell told me. “And, oh my, yes, she is still here now — she is everywhere.”

TEA TIME: Afternoon tea is reservation only. Tickets are $14 (Canadian funds) at the visitor center and include tea, cookies and recipe booklet prepared by Eleanor Roosevelt’s granddaughter. There is a morning tea that is offered for free, but still requires a ticket obtained at the visitor center on a first-come, first-served basis.

I ended up on my night there stopping first at The Campobello Village Mart (924 Route 774) to get some bottled water and some locally crafted beer. OK, and maybe a small bag of molasses cookies. Bakers, remember?

While there, the young woman behind the counter and several locals standing in line were happy to recommend dining options.

Herring Cove Golf Club Restaurant (136 Herring Cove Road) was a popular option, but in the end I headed toward something a bit more informal: Vay’s Take-Away. It’s a tiny, roadside eatery with no inside seating and one picnic table outside. It’s on Pollock Cove Road across from The Pier. That’s it. No address, no phone number listed that I could find. But just ask anyone on the island, and they can point you in the direction of Vay’s.

“It’ll be on your right,” I was told. “Just drive toward the pier and look for the food cart — you can’t miss it.”

They had me at “food cart,” because some of the best foodie finds I’ve made have been at roadside carts. Plus, I learned a long time ago, when in a new town, to go where the locals go if you want some good food.

Coming up over a slight rise I could see water in front of me and a sign on the left for “The Pier.” Directly across the road was a blue structure on wheels with a single window at which to place orders, a small, self-serve refrigerator stocked with sodas and water and an old commercial wire spool serving as a table on the uneven porch.

THERE IS A LITTLE MORE THAN TEA Inside the park there are not many options for grabbing a bite to eat. But I did find the perfect breakfast the morning of my second day there at The Cafe at Prince Cottage just behind the visitor center.

There was coffee, tea (King Cole, of course), juice and a variety of fresh baked goods prepared daily by some of the best bakers in Canada Turns out, Eleanor or the U.S. In fact, I’d swim loved teatime. According to Taunya across the Bay of Fundy at high tide for one of Russell, one of two park guides at their ginger cookies. the Wells-Shober Cottage, no matter The cafe also serves light lunches of salads, where she was, what she was doing soups and sandwiches or who she was with, every day at and offers a small 3 p.m. was tea time for Eleanor. selections of soda, water and beer.

Other than that, you had best pack a lunch for your day in the park or plan on driving into Campobello’s village, about 5 miles from the park, to visit one of several restaurants.

fun Fact

FUN FACT:

TIME TO EAT (Top) Tea time at WellsShober Cottage is at 3 p.m. —- the exact time Eleanor Roosevelt would stop whatever she was doing for tea.

(Above) A bacon cheeseburger and poutine from Vay’s Take Away pair perfectly for an end of the day repast.

(Above left) Freshly baked chocolate croissant from The Cafe at Prince Cottage. (Left) There’s not much that can improve a view on Campobello Island, unless it’s a glass of locally crafted beer.

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GET OUT

CAMPOBELLO ISLAND The menu was handwritten on a board outside the order window, and if there was any disappointment on my part it was because of the lack of any seafood options.

Vay’s is strictly a burger and pizza joint, so I opted for a bacon cheeseburger with a side of poutine. Any lingering sorrow at no seafood was gone at first bite.

The cheeseburger was perfection. And the poutine? It was the perfect ratio of fresh-cut fried potatoes, cheese and gravy — meaning equal portions of each. Make sure you have cash. Vay’s does not take credit cards, but they did accept my U.S. dollars.

A view looking out over Passamaquaddy Bay from Roosevelt Campobello International Park.

24 HOURS LATER During my time at the park, I hiked, chatted with the friendly and knowledge park guides, explored several trails, visited some cottages, had tea, had more tea the next day, learned some history and watched a gorgeous sunset. (I did have plans to catch the sunrise the next day, but alas my 5 a.m. wake up was for nought, as the air was fogged-out.

Back to sleep I went.) I realized as I drove over the bridge back to Maine at 1:30 p.m.

Atlantic time the next day, that the 24-hour trip was OK, but I really wanted more time.

I would love to search for sea glass, bring road and mountain bikes for some twowheeled exploring and perhaps even go on a whale-watching trip.

Mulholland Point Light served as a guide for small boats and passenger ships coming through the Lubec Channel.

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5 THINGS TO KNOW BEFORE YOU GO 1. IF YOU’RE STAYING THE NIGHT There are no accommodations or any campsites within Campobello Park.

However, a campground is located adjacent to the park at Herring Cove Provincial Park with 88 spots, including some with electrical hookups.

There are a couple of hotels on the island, including the Campobello Whale Watch Hotel (www.cwwm.ca) and An Island Chalet (www.anislandchalet.com), where Chiclet and I spent a relaxing and peaceful night in one of the four waterfront chalets overlooking The Bay of Fundy.

3. WATCH THE WEATHER

5. PAW PATROL

The weather changes quickly.

In fact, if you see something you want to take a photo of, do it right away. The view can be fogged in by the time you select a camera setting.

According to the park rules, pets are allowed in the park. However, they are not to be left unattended and must be on a 6-foot leash at all times. Pets are allowed on the grounds but not in the buildings or shelters, unless they are service dogs.

However, my tiny dog Chiclet (a registered support animal) was welcome pretty much everywhere, including at the tea, where she sat quietly on my lap the entire time. At one point we were walking across a main road and traffic stopped so drivers could admire her. In no time most of the park guides new her name and recognized her on sight. In addition to having tea, she toured the Roosevelt Cottage, sat quietly at my feet while I had breakfast in Prince Cottage and walked the trails with me.

2. BRING YOUR PASSPORT Campobello Island and the park are within the borders of New Brunswick, so be sure to remember your passport.

And remember to set your watch ahead by an hour to Atlantic time, if you are entering from Maine.

4. HOURS OF OPERATION The park and visitor center is open daily, starting the weekend before Memorial Day until Canadian Thanksgiving in October, from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Atlantic time.

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WOODS & WATERS An adult eagle and chick are visible in the first nest visited during an April survey flight.

UP, Up & AWAY! HOW MAINE’S DIF&W MONITORS EAGLE NESTS

STORY & PHOTO BY BOB DUCHESNE

FIFTY YEARS AGO, MAINE WAS DOWN TO ABOUT 30 PAIRS OF BALD EAGLES. TODAY, THERE ARE MORE THAN 600. FEDERAL LAW STILL PROTECTS OUR NATIONAL SYMBOL. IT LIMITS HUMAN ACTIVITIES AROUND EAGLE NESTS. NATURALLY, THAT MEANS WE HAVE TO KNOW WHERE THOSE NESTS ARE.

ON JUNE 20, 1782, the Second Continental Congress designated the bald eagle as our national symbol. Perhaps that’s what saved it. If our forefathers had chosen, say, the American robin, eagles might be extinct by now.

Ever since Congress honored the eagle, it has been the victim of trapping, shooting and poisoning. In 1940, Congress prohibited the intentional killing of eagles. However, most of the poisoning was accidental, either from the consumption of lead ammunition in carrion or from the overuse of DDT, a pesticide responsible for causing widespread reproductive failures in avian predators. As the eagle’s population decline continued, it was among the first species protected by the 1966 Endangered Species Act. Fifty years ago, Maine was down to about 30 pairs. Today, there are more than 600. This dramatic recovery led to the bird’s removal from the federal endangered list in 2007 and from the Maine list in 2009. However, federal law still protects our national symbol. It limits human activities around eagle nests. Naturally, that means we have to know where those nests are.

For more than 30 years, that job has fallen to Charlie Todd, an endangered species biologist for the Maine Department of Inland Fisheries and Wildlife.

The department maintains a database of more than 2,100 eagle nests, both active and historic. Historic nests are still protected because eagles sometimes

78 / BANGOR METRO August 2018

return to a nest after years of inactivity.

Further, as the eagle population grows, new nests are being constructed every year. Charlie has to find them.

Most of that surveying is done by air. On Monday, April 29, 2018, I flew with him to see how all this works. Maine game warden Jeff Beach piloted our tiny aircraft as we departed from Old Town Airport. We headed toward Pushaw Lake, northwest of Bangor, to check two nests there. I already knew that the nest on the north end of the lake was occupied. I can see it from my house. But the view from above is totally different.

Spying an eagle from 1,500 feet up is nearly impossible. It’s the equivalent of spotting a softball five football fields away.

But these guys are good at it. Charlie and Jeff pointed out the first eagle perched on a branch, not far from the nest. Its mate was on the nest, incubating the eggs.

Experts can tell by the eagle’s posture whether there are eggs and babies present.

An incubating eagle lies flat and low on the nest and is barely visible from the ground.

This posture causes the eagle’s white tail to

stick out behind the bird — a dead giveaway from the air. Once the young have hatched, the adult spreads its wings over the nestlings to protect them from sun. Such clues allow biologists to determine the nesting stage of an eagle pair from high overhead.

We turned and headed toward Fairfield, intent on following the Kennebec River northward. Upon arrival, we circled a spot that contained an old nest. They saw it. I didn’t. Eagle nests average 4 to 5 feet wide. It would be easier to see them if they weren’t made out of wood. Further, eagles like a little bit of cover, so the nest is rarely at the treetop. Spotting one takes practice.

We continued upriver to Skowhegan.

There, across the river from the Sappi Mill, 20 eagles were gathered in a sand pit, some on the ground but most sitting in a bare tree like huge Christmas ornaments. Charlie speculated that there was carrion in the pit or, perhaps, bait left by a coyote hunter.

He asked Jeff to circle lower. “Lower?” I thought, “We’re only at 1,500 feet now!”

They didn’t tell me until later, but many firsttimers get queasy in the cockpit. Peering out the window at low altitude, making tight circles around nests, unsettles tummies.

Eagles will eat anything they can catch, but fish is their favorite food. Most nests are near water. We investigated the Kennebec River all the way to Wyman Lake, where an eagle nest was active, despite the fact that the lake was still frozen. Eagles nest early, and this winter’s late blizzards caused many nest failures.

We were now in a race. A bank of low clouds was rolling toward us from the north, threatening to engulf the plane and obscure the remaining lakes. We sped to Sebec Lake, barely beating the cold front by a whisker. Altogether, we had seen about 30 eagles and surveyed a score of nests. Best of all, my stomach survived.

BOB DUCHESNE is a local radio personality, Maine guide, and columnist. He lives on Pushaw Lake with his wife, Sandi.

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THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

BY EMILY MORRISON

In my pre-baby world, I thought other women changed when they became mothers, but I wouldn’t. I was sure I could handle a baby because I never got beyond the baby stage in my head.

Though I had no experience with infants, I pictured some magical cherub cooing and suckling sweetly from my breast in between strolls on the beach. I would bake organic sweet potatoes and baby carrots by day, then grind them into baby food when my husband punctually arrived home at night. When I needed a nap, I would gently set the baby down in her nautical themed crib, and sweet repose would fall upon our tiny cottage.

So that never happened.

She never cooed, slept in her crib or suckled sweetly. She ate like a beast, projectile vomited when she was full and only slept on me or in a swing for the first six months. I enjoyed the slumber of unconsciousness whenever I could — not sweet repose. Learning how to be a mother is not what I thought it would be. It’s literally an everyday thing. Surviving sleep deprivation, hydrating with coffee and finding time to exercise is a daily equation I must solve, but that’s all part of the struggle.

Now that the kids are older, there are other issues to face: How can I get my middle-schooler to speak to me in non-monosyllabic words? How will I drum up enthusiasm to watch yet another soccer game? How can I avoid embarrassing my 14-year-old in front of her friends? The bottom line is, sometimes I can and sometimes I can’t. Sometimes “good” and a head-nod is a quality conversation. Sometimes soccer isn’t fun to watch. And sometimes, when I ask my daughter and her friends, “Is it all good in the ’hood?” I watch her face wrinkle and redden simultaneously. It’s life. It’s parenting. It’s not supposed to be perfect.

It’s supposed to be a struggle. This is what the best things in life are all about — working for something bigger than ourselves, whether it brings us fame or fortune or neither. Struggling for the ones we love is what makes us all “all good in the ’hood.”

EMILY MORRISON is a high school English teacher, freelance writer and editor from coastal Maine. She is living happily-ever-after with her handsome husband, three beautiful children and two beloved dogs. And a cat.

PHOTO: ©ZHU DIFENG/ADOBE STOCK

IF YOU LISTENED TO HIP-HOP in the mid-’90s, you may have noticed some musicians wrote/sang/dropped a flow about “the struggle.” One of the decade’s biggest recording artists, Christopher Wallace (aka Notorious B.I.G.), dropped out of school and sold crack so he could keep his baby fed and in diapers. Ironic, isn’t it, breaking the law as an acceptable parenting strategy? Notorious B.I.G. wrote about how he hustled, took care of his baby and his baby mama, then moved to Hollywood to become so far removed from “the struggle” it’s laughable.

I don’t think being a hip-hop artist or a parent, for that matter, requires people to commit crimes to provide for their children. In fact, I’m really hoping criminal activity among parents is frowned upon. In my vast and varied experiences across this great state — mainly concentrated in a one-hour radius north and south of Bangor — I’ve found that when people lie about one thing but claim honesty in all other areas of life, they’re a liar, liar, pantson-raging-fire.

So what does all this spitting rhymes and not lying have to do with parenting? A lot, actually.

One of my most sacred held beliefs is that parents should be good people. Yes, we make mistakes. We’re not perfect. Everybody lies about their height and weight on their driver’s license — that’s normal. But I wish being a good person could be a prerequisite to parenting. The trouble is, even if you’re a quality individual, nobody hands us good people a “how to” manual when raising a child.

Actually, that’s a lie. Someone did give me a parenting how to book after I had my first kid, but it read like a manual so I chucked it.

If I had any musical ability whatsoever, I’d rap about the real struggle: parenthood. If someone told me before I became a mom, “Your life will change. You will change. Everything will change,” I bet I would’ve thought twice before creating that ovulation schedule. Come to think if it, people did say all those things — I just didn’t listen.

Winterberry