BC Parent Summer 2015

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5 Shower SOS

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BC Parent Newsmagazine

12 Backseat Boredom Busters

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Contributors: Tiffany Doerr Gueizon, Christa Meinyk Hines, Malia Jacobsen, Heather Lee Leap, Janeen Lewis, Diane Turner Maller, Bev Yaworski

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Summer Issue 2015 Volume 24, Number 2

4 bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015

Shower SOS

by Janeen Lewis

ll I wanted was a shower. A long, uninterrupted shower like the ones I took before I had children who come out of the woodwork at the sound of water running in the master bathroom.

It’s like my kids have specialized internal radars that tell them when I am in the bathroom alone. These radars also prompt them to get hurt, want a snack or start World War III with a sibling—all when I am in the shower. It never fails.

I know, I know. To have a shower of solitude, all I have to do is put in ear plugs and lock the bathroom door. The Shower Diva, the not-so-perfect angel who sits on my left shoulder, often tells me this. However, Safety Freak Mom, the goody-two-shoes angel who sits on my right shoulder appeals to my naturally guilty complex with, “What if your kids need you, and they can’t get to you?”

But one day, when I was tired of breaking up quarrels over all-important things like, for example, who really owned a piece of Scotch tape, I decided to get a little crazy and shake things up. If this meant locking the kids out of the bathroom, so be it. Unfortunately, I didn’t get so crazy that I put in ear plugs. Live and learn.

I grabbed my “Carried Away” shower gel and told seven-year old Andrew to watch four-year-old Gracie, and to knock on the door in case of an emergency. I explained that emergencies involve bleeding or poisoning, NOT whose turn it is to play a game at NickJr.com or watch a show on Netflix Kids.

The first minute in the shower was glorious. Then I heard a noise. The Shower Diva said, “Ignore it.

They’re fine.”

Safety Freak Mom said, “What if one of them is hurt?” I stayed put. But as I got to my favorite part of the shower, the part where I lather shampoo into my hair with all the ecstasy of a woman in an Herbal Essence commercial, I heard the noise again. There was a commotion somewhere in the house—I could feel it in my Mom bones. I turned the shower off.

“Andrew, is something wrong?”

He answered, but he might as well have been Charlie Brown’s teacher. I couldn’t understand a word he said, so I stepped out of the shower onto the bath mat, every pore of my skin (and The Shower Diva) shrieking at the chilly air. I cracked the door.

“Andrew, is everything okay?”

“NO!” he yelled. “Gracie is getting up on the stove!”

In every mom’s life, there is a time for nerves of steel. I pray for them daily, my own SOS to God, for occasions such as computer crashes and cat throw-up on new carpet.

Then there is a time for unbridled panic. This was one of those times.

A

“Gracie, get down! You might get hurt!” I yelled as I yanked the towel off the rack and whipped it around me. I ran down the hall, slipping on the hardwood floor while Safety Freak Mom scolded, “What were you thinking? She’s practically still an infant!”

As I slid past the kids’ bathroom, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye—and skidded to a stop, confused. Both children stood in the bathroom, and while yes, I am a multitasker, no, I have not yet installed a stove in the bathroom. Andrew blocked Gracie from the sink with his whole body. Arms outstretched, he shielded her from—gasp!—the soap dispenser. Exasperated, he turned to me and said, “Gracie is using up all the soap!”

From my heavenly little enclave in the back of the house I’d heard, “Gracie is getting up on the stove!”

Unfazed by the fact that I wore only a bath towel and a not-so-happy expression, Andrew continued pleading his case.

“She got three pumps instead of one!”

Gracie gave me a mischievous grin.

I took a very deep breath. I was kind of glad Safety Freak Mom was with me. She gently coaxed, “Step away from the children, and no one gets hurt.”

As I stood dripping in my towel, I knew the “stove” versus “soap” miscommunication would be really funny to me the next day.

But that day, as I turned and walked slowly down the hall to get dressed, I wondered if I would take an uninterrupted shower this decade.

I sighed and sent my daily SOS heavenward.

Janeen Lewis is a freelance journalist and mother of two. She has been published in several Chicken Soup for the Soul anthologies, including The Mom’s Multitasking Survival Guide. She is yet to have an uninterrupted shower this decade.

bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015 5

Rediscovering the Freedom of Play

By Bev Yaworski

s your child obsessed with computer games, but not thrilled about playing outdoors? Has their life become so scheduled that they seem to have no free time? Or do they complain about being bored if they have even a few moments of frivolous time spent without a specific purpose?

“Free” time is decreasing for many children, reports the Canadian Coalition for the Rights of Children. “Spontaneous or free play is important for children in both the natural and built environments; however, traffic and land-use patterns have both restricted and diminished the natural play territory of childhood. In cities, open space has been reduced.”

Free time for children may even become an “endangered activity.” Some studies report that school-age children’s playtime has decreased by 25–45% since 1981. Unstructured outdoor activities also declined by approximately 50%. Certain schools even reduce recess time. Statistics also reveal that kids spend a startling number of hours watching screens of one type or another.

Likewise, there is increasing pressure for kids to learn specific skills and to conform

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6 bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015

to a measurable-achievement mindset.

What can parents do to shift the focus back to encouraging spontaneous, free play opportunities for their children? Well, you are not alone, as a group of parents discovered at a recent parenting education program held in Metro Vancouver. At a program on the topic of: The Lost Art of Play: Helping Children Grow Up, Dr. Deborah MacNamara shared information with about 50 parents.

Dr. MacNamara is a Vancouver-based counsellor and educator, who also works with Dr. Gordon Neufeld, developmental psychologist and author of the award-winning book, Hold On To Your Kids.

“Play is crucial to a child’s development,” says Dr. MacNamara. “It is the work of childhood.” She emphasizes that play is distinctly different from work activities. Play focuses on an actual activity, while work is more concerned with the outcome. Play is more about a child’s imagination, pretend, exploration, discovery and active exploration.

Technological change, which has created a host of technical devices, has helped to create a myth that behaviours such as online gaming are about play. In reality, screen

activities and even many organized sports are structured, controlled activities managed by adults that can interfere with a child’s expression and exploration. In contrast, play is exemplified by a sense of openness and pleasure.

How Does Play Enhance Development?

“Play is where the self is truly expressed— where wishes, fantasies, deep emotions and core dynamics show themselves,” says Dr. MacNamara. “It’s an area essential for health and well-being, and is therapeutic in effect.”

Research highlights its importance for learning and development across life. These early experiences become the foundation for a child’s innovation, self-esteem and creativity. Educators tell us play helps kids develop their cognitive, motor, language, social and emotional skills. For example: when children have had opportunities to freely use their imagination, researchers find kids are more able to be patient and preserving.

What Can Adults Do To Nurture Their Child’s Play Experiences?

“Our role as parents and teachers is to provide conditions that give rise to play—

including encouraging spontaneous activity that can’t be taught or commanded,” says Dr. MacNamara. “A child must be given the freedom to play by giving them freedom from pain, hunger, tiredness and enough freedom from screens and scheduled activities.”

Education professors, Doris Bergen and Doris Pronin Fromberg in their book: Play from Birth to Twelve, emphasize the importance of adults becoming “advocates and facilitators of play.” They offer some practical tips on this topic.

• Provide play resources—arrange for indoor and outdoor space and materials that are have flexible, multiple use applications that will invite children to explore their creativity on many levels.

• Make time available for freely-chosen, uninhibited play—this is time away from technology, structure and even time to experience boredom.

• Welcome and appreciate process and effort—adults should stay away from evaluating and judging a child’s outcomes during play interaction. Allow them to

get messy. At the same time, set limits on a child’s participation with digital devices and organized activities.

• Invite diversity & gender equality— recognize the value of the numerous unique ways children may express and experience their creativity and imagination. For example: Don’t judge if your daughter wants to build Lego bridges and your son wants to play dress-up.

Attachment Needs

Dr. MacNamara emphasizes that “All play is not created equal and it is not enough to just provide the space and opportunity.

Parents must satisfy their child’s relational needs first. Attachment is what most needs to work for a child. A child that is clinging and working for approval is showing signs their attachment needs have not been met.”

The adult must assume responsibility for their relationship with the child. This means preserving contact and closeness to nurture a sense of belonging and significance. It’s also important to be the child’s home base, safe haven and buffer from soci-

etal pressures. Parents and caregivers should provide more of the child’s attention needs than is demanded, that is, do more than just meet a child’s demands. Provide more closeness than your child is even pursuing.

“To fulfill a child’s attachment hunger, this means to find within ourselves our own well of generosity and grace.”

It can’t be understated the important role that parents, care-givers and teachers hold in supporting children’s attachment needs, and thereby provide the conditions for enhancing children’s play experiences.

Right to Play

Even the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (Article 31) acknowledges a number of related but distinct rights which include: rest, recreation, leisure and play. Local organizations, such as the Society of Children & Youth of BC, through education, advocacy, and community engagement are working toward creating more child and youth-friendly communities by encouraging the important value of play in every child’s life.

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bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015 7

Summer Camping Forging Outdoor Fun as a Family

By Diane Turner Maller

knew I was doing something right when my eight year old daughter exclaimed, “I love camping!” Grinning wide through a mouthful of pancakes, she was the most contented camper who ever dined at the tiny table of our weathered tent-trailer.

From the beginning of my parenting journey, I was very conscious about wanting to share similar camping experiences with my children that I had experienced while growing up. My childhood perspective saw that, at camp, the basics of life were fulfilled and life felt unencumbered. Some of the most vivid and treasured memories from my childhood come from our summer camping trips.

Not everyone had the same outdoor camping experiences that we did. By the time my happy camper was in high school, she reported that many of her friends had never been camping. Richard Louv’s landmark book, Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder, documents the dramatic change in modern childhood that has resulted in children spending less and less time outdoors. Luckily, a growing awareness of the developmental need for children to experience a connection to nature has spurned widespread implementation of programs that aim to support children and families with opportunities to get outdoors and to increase visits to national and provincial parks.

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8 bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015

What if you didn’t grow up camping?

You may not have the gear stocked and ready for the next outing. Reservations ought to be made and precautions considered before you are ready to pack up the car.

Get-away time is limited and sending your kids to camp is growing as an option.

However, if you opt to give it a try, you and your kids could grow to love camping too.

My childhood perspective saw that, at camp, the basics of life were fulfilled and life felt unencumbered.

Choose from abundant camping choices.

These days you can choose campgrounds that offer resort like amenities, even Wi-Fi. You can camp in your own backyard. When you are ready to experience wilderness, more primitive accommodations are waiting to be discovered.

Once you have your gear together, getting to know your provincial parks is a good place to start. There is probably one close to you that is drivable and easy to find. Well established facilities in provincial parks normally provide shelters, bathrooms, garbage disposal, and access to clean water. The presence of equipped and experienced park staff gives support to your camping efforts

and peace of mind when you are away from home.

Slow down. When you arrive at the best location for your family, camping offers a chance to adjust your pace. No calendars with appointments to keep. Breathing outdoor air is the first step in releasing accumulated stress from worries at home. Shift your perspective and notice what is unique and beautiful in your temporary landscape.

Create a simpler life at camp. The basic rhythms of meal times, planned or spontaneous activities and evening time around the camp fire are enough to structure your day. Young children are often happy to explore the microcosm of nature near a shrub, in a puddle, or under a tree.

Any early birds in your family can revel in a sunrise while everyone else sleeps peacefully in the tent. Watching the sun go down as a family offers an opportunity to appreciate an everyday occurrence that we often miss or take for granted in our day to day life.

Connect to nature. When home is decorated, edged, mowed, and landscaped, we lose track of nature’s natural tendencies.

National and provincial parks that offer camping are all about preserving native vegetation particular to the region.

Whether high desert, forest, meadow, or coast line; your chosen campground offers an environment ready to explore. Guided nature walks and evening talks may be pro-

vided. Nature needs to be experienced first-hand by little and big hands. Use all of your senses.

Develop outdoor and wilderness skills. Backyard camping is a good way to practice setting up the tent. You may also want to test the pad or air mattress you plan to sleep on. Do you know how to attach propane bottles to the camp stove?

Building a ten essentials pack can engage kids in learning basic outdoor skills. A compass, first aid kit, plastic whistle, space blanket, and nutrition bars are some of the items to include. Older children will need guidance in learning to handle fire starting materials.

All children can carry a flashlight.

Transplant a community for a week. Planning a campout to accommodate a community of families that play together, ride bicycles together, or go to school together can create an opportunity to experience an intentional village for a time. Living next door, campsite to campsite, tent to tent, allows children to interact and play all through the day in a setting that differs dramatically from the car-driven routine at home. Adults may get to have conversations that there had not previously been time for. At least one large potluck meal at a central campsite makes for a festive feeling that helps strengthen the sense of community.

Learn some history and geology. Campgrounds are often located near natural areas that feature museums and educational displays available to the public. Investigate these places along the route to your camp destination. You may be amazed by the colourful characters who occupied the territory before you. Watch films that detail hundreds of years of geological transformation.

Mishaps make for fun storytelling around the campfire.

Campfire time offers opportunity to recount the adventures or misadventures of the day. Embellishments are allowed and all members of the family can contribute. Watching the flames dance in the darkness stirs our sensibilities and has the power to unite family members in lasting and memorable ways.

Form traditions over time. When you have gone on enough camping trips, favorite camp spots become apparent. Think of all the memories that could be formed over many years of visiting the same campground or locale. Each return visit feels fresh and new; yet, the familiar landmarks, the places to watch the sunset, the familiar trails that meander up the hill all form an imprint that steadily builds on previous visits. A camping tradition that you start with your family may very well be carried on by your children.

From every trip, bring back the best experiences from camping to everyday life at home. There will be gear to put away, clothes to wash, moments to remember, and stories to tell. The evening sunset at home beckons weary campers for yet another view.

Resources for Campers Parks Canada: http://www.pc.gc.ca Parks in British Columbia: http://www.hellobc.com — click on campgrounds, under the accommodations tab.

Great Outdoor Recreation Pages (GORP), www.gorp.com.

Guide for finding parks around the world along with practical camping advice.

Leave No Trace (LNT), www.lnt.org. Education courses and publications to guide Leave No Trace ethics in the outdoors.

Ultimate Camp Resource, www.ultimatecampresource.com. Source for campfire songs, stories, and skits.

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bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015 9

Shared Parenting Why Modern Parents are Choosing Equality

By Malia Jacobson

ather of two Billy Farrow can throw a tea party like nobody’s business. He gets plenty of tea-drinking practice as the main caretaker for his daughters, Gwen, 5, and Jane, 3, while his wife Tanya Farrow works as a second-grade teacher. In between his night and weekend shifts as a restaurant manager, he spends most days dressing the kids, making lunches, planning meals, and volunteering at Gwen’s co-op preschool.

But it’s not all dad, all the time: weekends, nights, and much of the summer, Tanya’s on mom-duty, caring for both kids, cleaning, and grocery shopping.

Neither full-time domestic servants nor harried breadwinners, the Farrows are a new breed of modern couple: one in which parenting and household tasks are shared equitably, if not equally, while both partners contribute to the household income and spend ample time with their children.

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10 bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015

It sounds almost too good to be true, but Marc and Amy Vachon, co-authors of Equally Shared Parenting: Rewriting the Rules for a Generation of Parents, hope to prove that shared parenting is a viable lifestyle option for today’s families. For the Vachons, who blog at equallysharedparenting.com, shared parenting was a concept born out of a desire to retain a sense of joy amid the chaos of early parenthood.

“I didn’t want work to be all-consuming; I didn’t want to give up the joys in my life, I didn’t want to give up the joys of being a parent. So we started focusing on balance,” says Marc.

But equally shared parenting (or ESP) is not without its detractors, or challenges, and research suggests it may increase marital friction. Is equally shared parenting a viable, attainable lifestyle option, or a piein-the-sky philosophy that piles more expectations on already overworked parents?

A new path

The Vachons borrowed the term ‘equally shared parenting’ from Francine M. Deutsch, whose book, Halving It All: How Equally Shared Parenting Works, was published in 2000. In practice, ESP entails both parents taking responsibility for childcare, housework, and breadwinning, but it’s not about divvying up duties 50/50. “We’re not talking about ‘equal’ in terms of who does what. It’s about being equal peers,” says Amy. A growing trend

Shared parenting is attractive to increasing numbers of parents who want success in both work and life, says Jessica DeGroot, founder and president of Third Path Institute, a Philadelphia-based think-tank devoted to work-life balance for parents. Modern parents have different ideas about work and family than their predecessors did.

The Families and Work Institute’s 2008 study on work and home life found that today’s employees are less likely to agree that it’s better if “the man earns the money and the woman takes care of the home and children.” Just 38 percent were in favor of these traditional gender roles—a drop of 25 percent since 1977. In 1992, only 21 percent of women reported that their partner spent as much or more time on childcare as they did; by 2008, that number had jumped to 31 percent. That means over two-thirds of moms still perform the lion’s share of childcare, but it also means change is afoot.

Younger parents are leading the charge toward what ThirdPath calls “integrated work-life balance.” Millennial fathers (in their 20s and early 30s) spend 4.3 hours per workday with their children, compared to 3 hours per day for all employed dads. Fewer young people report intense career ambition: since 1992, the percentage of people under 30 seeking a higher-powered job has fallen 13 percent for men and 6 percent for women.

Culture and biology

Historically, ESP isn’t an isolated trend. At turns out, our traditional view of family life that includes a breadwinning dad and a stay-at-home mom isn’t so traditional after all; early American couples shared parenting much more equally.

“North Americans didn’t develop this strong idea that women were the primary parents until the early 19th century,” notes Stephanie Coontz, professor of History and Family Studies at The Evergreen State College in Olympia and director of research and public education of the Council on Contemporary Families. In colonial times, women were productive providers who often delegated childcare, and they weren’t considered more nurturing than men.

But the spread of wage labour in the 19th century divided household tasks in two, with the division falling along gender lines.

Men earned while women tended the hearth and raised children, creating a firmly entrenched ideal that’s been slow to crumble. “It’s a very powerful 200-year tradition

Millennial fathers spend 4.3 hours per workday with their children, compared to 3 hours per day for all employed dads.

that works on men and women in many ways,” says Cootnz: Women are taught that they’re naturally superior nurturers who should derive intense enjoyment from parenting at all times—and that they should feel guilty if they don’t—and men are taught that childcare and masculinity can’t co-exist.

Fighting for equality

Equitable parenting may be appealing, but it’s hard to achieve and even harder to maintain. Even parents who want to share tasks equally tend to drift toward inequality over time, according to Cornell University researchers Philip Cowan and Carolyn Pape Cowan. Their research found that no matter how couples plan to share parenting tasks, most slide back into traditional gender roles, causing both partners to feel less satisfaction and more anger.

For some, anger translates into fights.

One study from Ohio State University found that when dads share in parenting tasks, parents fight more. But Amy Vachon notes that families in the study had more traditional gender roles. “Positioning one parent as the primary caregiver while the partner is relegated to secondary status sets

the stage for the conflict seen in this study because the primary parent often clings to control over childcare and nitpicks a spouse who tries to assist,” she says.

This practice of criticizing the domestic prowess of a helpful spouse is known as maternal gatekeeping—and it’s the enemy of equally shared parenting. According to research from Brigham Young University, 21 percent of mothers are gatekeepers, reluctant to relinquish control over household and childcare tasks even when asking for a spouse’s help. “These couples have not decided to cede power for equality,” says Amy. “So there’s going to be conflict.”

The child’s take

A couple’s discussion of equally shared parenting shouldn’t overlook the people being parented. Kids can benefit when mom shares at least a portion of breadwinning, according to a recent study published in the Journal of Family Psychology. Numerous studies show that when dads actively participate in childcare, children benefit socially, emotionally, and academically. Kids cared for by dads show better cognitive functioning as infants, superior problem-solving as toddlers, and enhanced academic performance during the school years; they’re less likely to rebel as teenagers.

But the benefits extend beyond the hereand-now. As a strong day-to-day male presence in his girls’ lives, Billy Farrow hopes to influence their eventual choice of a partner.

“I’m setting a good example in terms of how to act, while also taking the time to show them how they should be treated by a male figure; hopefully that will be something they’ll remember when they’re dating.”

Malia Jacobson is a nationally published health and parenting journalist and mom of three. Her latest book is Sleep Tight, Every Night: Helping Toddlers and Preschoolers Sleep Well Without Tears, Tricks, or Tirades.

Tips for parents on working toward equality Parents on unequal footing can work toward more equality at home with these steps: 1. Don’t ambush your partner. Arrange a time and day to talk about the issue in a setting relatively free of distraction.

2. Start the discussion by acknowledging the valued contributions of both partners and that no matter what, there’s never enough time or energy to go around.

3. Using “I” language, outline the problem in detail, with statements like “This is how I’m feeling” and “This is what I would like.”

4. Work together to brainstorm solutions. Avoid slipping into “scarcity mode,” a counterproductive mindset concerned with protecting your own interests.

5. Consider resources outside the household that may help balance the scales. Is there money for outside help? Can extended family or neighbors help with childcare needs?

6. Don’t expect to resolve everything in one sitting. Agree to spend a set amount of time on the topic, then table the discussion and set another time to meet.

bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015 11

Backseat Boredom Busters

By Heather Lee Leap Backseat Travel Pack Before buckling in for that much anticipated road trip, pack a few simple entertainment items and proven distractions. Provide each child with their own bag of goodies, and keep some things in reserve to dole out when the whining becomes unbearable. Here are just a few suggestions to help you stock-up: • A new book • Notepads, a colouring book, puzzle and maze books • Pencils (and a screw-top sharpener) • Washable markers • Finger puppets • Yarn for cat’s cradle or finger crocheting • Brain Quest card decks • Small toys such as Lego, matchbox cars or a Polly Pocket doll (wrap them to increase the wow factor and slow down acquisition by a few seconds) • Special snack foods your kids don’t normally get to eat • Travel-sized games • Playing cards

12 bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015

re you looking forward to your next family vacation, but dreading the drive? There are only so many choruses of “Wheels on the Bus,” a parent can stand, and maybe you’re already feeling guilty for the hours of screen-time the kids are going to rack up on the road. What if the drive were part of your family-time, rather than something to be endured? Wake up your creativity and get everyone engaged with the following games and activities. You can limit whining, minimize screen-time and start your vacation as soon as you buckle up.

Play the alphabet game. Take turns making sentences, the wackier the better, working your way through the alphabet. The first person starts with “A” and creates a sentence such as “Aunt Agatha’s angry alligator ate anchovies.” The next person gets the letter “B,” each person taking a turn using the letters in alphabetical order. Each word must begin with that letter, not just the letter sound. No fair sneaking in prepositions or modifiers that do not start with the proper letter. It won’t take long to get everyone giggling over your silly word

A

choices. Challenge kids to stretch their sentences by adding descriptive words.

Give your kids a map. Before major road trips, mom Cara Althoff picks up extra maps of their route for her children, Ilex and Zaya. She folds the maps so the route is showing, and puts each one in a sheet protector. “Give each child a dry-erase marker and let them trace your route as you drive,” says Althoff. The sheet protector keeps the map folded; the marker works on it and the map can be used again. Show your child your starting point and destination and give them an explanation of your route. Every ten miles or so, have your kids mark the distance you’ve travelled. Tell them the names of towns you are passing through and encourage them to check road signs so they can follow along. When they ask, “How much further,” remind them they have the answer in their hands.

Quiz your kids on math facts. This game is easy to tailor to individual children. Call a child’s name and ask them to answer an equation. Little kids can try easy addition and subtraction while older sibs can work on multiplication or division facts. Toss

some basic algebraic thinking into the mix by asking things like “two plus what equals eleven?”

Hold a scavenger hunt. How long will it take to see all the letters of the alphabet in order? How about numbers zero through one hundred? Keep a tally of license plates from different states.

Brainstorm a list of both common and unusual things you might see on your journey. Hand this list to the kids in the backseat so they can work together to spot the different items, animals and people.

Create stories about the people you see. Who is that man with the mustache, and where is he going? Take turns choosing people and imagining a life and personality for them. Work together to expand the story. Leave the story dangling with phrases such as, “until…” or “and then…” for the next person to pick up.

Listen to audio-books. “We always listen to audio-books as a family versus having the kids use headphones,” says Oregon mom Madeline Landis, whose family has made the seventeen-hour trip to Palm Springs five times. Sometimes, listening to music in the car simply adds to the noise, but focusing on what is happening in a good book allows kids and adults to forget the discomforts of travel.

Landis finds her kids, ages eleven and nine, are engaged in the story longer if they all listen together; it becomes quality family time.

And finally, when you’ve exhausted all other resources or just need quiet, adults can give ear plugs a try. Sometimes kids just need to be rowdy.

Heather Lee Leap is freelance writer and mom. She usually leaves her husband in charge of the driving while she controls snack distribution.

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bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015 13

Taking Back the Family Bed

by Tiffany Doerr Guerzon

ll of our babies shared our bed.

During the years my husband and I were raising our family, our bedroom often more resembled a nursery than a place of rest for adults. A mesh rail was installed on my side of the bed to catch rolling infants, piles of kid laundry dotted the floor, and both nightstands were littered with nasal syringes, burp cloths and wipes.

Despite grandmas’ pointed opinions and co-sleeping controversy, sleep sharing worked best for us. Due to a medical condition on my part, all three of my children were born small for gestational age. The littlest was four pounds ten ounces and the biggest weighed in at five-one. These miniature versions of already tiny newborns needed more calories than the average baby, and for me that meant frequent feedings—often around the clock. For a tired mom, rolling

A

14 bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015

over to nurse was infinitely easier than plodding down the hall.

The first slept with us for eight months, and the other two for somewhere around a year each. Because our three kids were

As my friend and I looked over my bedroom and she took measurements, I saw the space with new eyes.

spaced four years apart, we didn’t completely exit the baby stage for about nine years.

When my third child was about three, my pregnant neighbor asked for advice in using cloth diapers. Having cloth diapered all three of mine, I was happy to help. I

went to the garage and pulled out the big plastic tote that held my diaper stash. As we chatted and looked over the prefolds, velcro covers and pins, it hit me. I wouldn’t be needing these again… ever. My friend owned a home sewing business and was interested in creating custom sewn cloth diapers.

She needed some material to practice patterns on, so I offered to sell or trade my stash. It may seem strange, but diapers services and moms often trade or sell sanitized, used cloth diapers.

“Well, is there anything you need?” she asked. “I could sew you something.”

I thought about my bedroom. The duvet had shrunk from many washings and the sheets were worn thin. We’d needed bed linens for years, but I hadn’t wanted to buy new ones until the messy kiddos were out of our bed. The last child had been sleeping in

his crib for a couple of years, and I’d browsed in stores for new linens a few times, but nothing seemed just right. This was my chance. My friend and I agreed to trade my diapers for a new custom-sewn duvet set and matching curtains.

Later that week, my friend took me shopping and I chose my colours in nonkid-friendly charcoal gray and plum. For an accent, I purchased stainable off-white with a grey leaf print and silver glitter. My excitement grew as we discussed patterns and curtain styles. I realized that this would be the first time I decorated a room for me—for us—since my first child was born. I’d laboured to create beautiful nurseries and kids’ bedrooms and had even made the public spaces in our home stylish—but I’d never gotten around to the master bedroom.

Experts tell parents that their bedroom should be a haven—a clean, organized place of rest and renewal. But for tired moms and dads, just keeping the rest of the house clean is a challenge, and our bedroom was always the most neglected room in our home. As my friend and I looked over my room and she took measurements, I saw the space with new eyes. The layer of dust on the nightstands. The pile of folded laundry next to the bed. The clutter on the dresser. I was suddenly seized by a fresh energy to take back our bedroom.

Once I got started, I went a little crazy. I purchased lamps, painted the walls dove gray, and placed a purple candle—not a child-safe battery type, but a real one, with a real flame—on my nightstand where all the baby necessities used to live. I used some of the leftover fabric from the renovation to cover a bulletin board and repurpose our clothes hamper to match it all.

Once my friend was busy sewing up my new stuff, I got out the tote filled with diaper supplies again and started to go through them. While I was at it, I also pulled out all the other baby stuff. I laid everything on my living room rug and made little piles of all the different accoutrements. I picked up a tiny velcro diaper cover, so small it fit in the palm of my hand. My eyes welled up with tears as I remembered those dainty, preemiesized newborns that had all three worn these diaper covers. I unfolded the bed rail and was overtaken by the memory of lying on my side in bed, nursing a hungry baby

while half asleep as the clean, sweet smell of breastmilk drifted in the air. When I saw the sling, I recalled the stiffness I felt in my shoulder after a long day of babywearing.

Memories clung to each and every piece.

Sitting there crying over diapers, I realized what I was really mourning—the last of the baby stage.

When my friend presented me with the finished bedroom set, I was speechless. The duvet and throw pillows—combined with the custom curtains and bed skirt—were

worthy of a lifestyle magazine cover. That, combined with the new paint, lamps, and absence of nursery supplies made the bedroom ours again. Although I was sad to leave that stage behind, our shiny new room and bed gave me a glimpse into the next chapter of my life.

My husband came in to see the big reveal and slipped his arm around me. I leaned into him and realized that I’d had traded in diapers for something equally precious—us.

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13

Ways to Make Summer Learning Fun

by Christa Melnyk Hines

W

ondering how to help your child retain reading, writing and math skills she gained over the school year this summer without making it feel like work? Weave learning into daily errands and interactive activities found in your own backyard.

“Summer is a great opportunity for parents to participate and come up with projects on their own and learn what their kids are interested in,” says Dr. Ashley Norris, assistant dean, University of Phoenix College of Education.

According to the National Summer Learning Association, students who don’t participate in any summer enrichment or educational activities lose about 22 percent of knowledge and skills gained during the school year. Teachers generally spend the first two months of school reviewing past material.

16 bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015

Help your children make the connection between what they learn in school and how it relates to the real world. They’ll retain more of their new skills and grow into more engaged, enthusiastic learners.

family eat dinner out, help your child determine the tip when the bill arrives.

4 Grow a garden. Your child can learn more about her environment by cultivating her own fruits and vegetables. No room in your yard? Grow a container garden together. Your child can take pictures or make notes in a daily gardening notebook detailing the life cycle of the plant, any problems encountered and how she worked to solve those issues.

2 Grocery shop. Dictate your grocery list

5 Cook together. Involve your child in

to your child and have him keep track of the list. As you shop, talk about prices, sales and healthy choices.

meal planning and preparation. Depending on your child’s age, Jessica Velazquez, a healthy living director for the YMCA, suggests putting him in charge of a meal once a week. “I remember being in third grade and having one night a week where I was in charge of dinner,” she says. “And yes, we often had cereal or mac ‘n’ cheese.” Following a recipe also helps your child practice fractions and reading.

1 Calculate tips. Next time you and your

3 Visit the farmer’s market. Peruse seasonal produce native to the area. Ask about fruits and veggies you and your kids have never heard of before. Practice math skills by giving your child a list, a budget and some money to shop at the market.

6 Play travel agent. Thanks to the inter-

net, your child can easily research your family’s vacation or a hometown field trip. Give her a list of questions to answer about the location, cost and hours of a specific site she wants to visit. Continue the learning when you arrive at your destination. Catherine Elder says she and her 8-year-old daughter like to observe and talk about the tides, climate and sea life on their annual beach vacation.

7 Tune in. If your child is passionate about

music, attend local concert series in parks, which are often free. Encourage her to learn about the history of the music she’s interested in and read biographies of favorite musicians.

8 Explore nature. Apply what your child

has learned in life science to your backyard.

“We always talk about different birds, bugs, and how flowers and trees grow. My daughter actually teaches me some things that she’s learned in school. It makes her feel good to know she is helping me learn, too,” Elder says. Science museums and nature outreach centers also offer inexpensive classes and camps.

things chosen for them by others,” says Helma Hawkins, a children’s librarian.

Summer is the perfect time to help your child find books and magazines that match his interests. Read together or start an informal book club with your child and a few friends. Schedule an afternoon to discuss the selection over milk and cookies.

Assign a weekly project for your children with a deadline to help them practice time management skills. “Base it on their interest so it doesn’t feel like work,” Norris says. They can select and research a specific topic, create a digital slide show about what they learned and then present it to you or extended family.

13 Practice time management.

Freelance journalist, Christa Melnyk Hines, and her husband are the parents of two boys. She is the author of Happy, Healthy & Hyperconnected: Raise a Thoughtful Communicator in a Digital World.

Resources

Click into your virtual backyard.

Download a creative app or head to the web for educational sites and resources for kids: Create comic strips: www.pixton.com or download the free app www.makebeliefscomix.com Nature and art projects: www.artfulparent.com or http://www.artprojectsforkids.org/ Home science experiments: http://www.sciencebob.com/ experiments/ Writing prompts: http://www.scholastic. com/teachers/story-starters/

Visit www. bcparent.ca Read our new blogs… catch up on past issues… enter our contests and find out about great family events in the Lower Mainland.

9 Go digital. Got a bug or plant enthusi-

ast? Have him grab the camera and go on a scavenger hunt for different species. When he’s done he can make a digital presentation of his discoveries. “Many elementary kids know how to use multi-media even more than parents. They find it fascinating and think it’s fun,” Norris says.

Art education enhances creative thinking, motor skills and social and emotional development. Have a splatter paint party on canvas in your backyard. Water colour on textured paper. Make collages out of old magazines. Further explore the visual arts at pottery cafes and art museums.

10 Nurture creativity.

Purchase an inexpensive journal or notebook that your child can personalize. Write a prompt or a question at the top of the page. Take turns writing messages and stories back and forth.

11 Journal.

12 Read together. “Children often say they

don’t like to read because they’ve only read bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015 17

summer camp guide

art, music, drama & dance The Arts Connection 604/241-0141 www.theartsconnection.ca Richmond Arts Umbrella 604/681-5268 www.artsumbrella.com Bard on the Beach: Young Shakespeareans 604/737-0625 www.bardonthebeach.org Vancouver Camp Monarch, Music, Art & Dance 604/723-8151 www.campmonarch.ca North Vancouver Colourstrings Music & Movement Summer Session 778/846-1287 www.colourstringsvan.com Starts the first week in July, one class per week for 6 weeks. Registrations are open to all. World Explorer Camps 2015: Integrating music, movement, drama and visual art, children learn to express themselves using Colourstrings educational principles, as they become intrepid ‘explorers’ on an adventure weaving singing, movement,

percussion, games, drama and art into a traditional story from around the world.

Evergreen Cultural Centre 604/927-6555, Coquitlam www.evergreenculturalcentre.ca

Dance Co 604/736-3394 Dance Co provides unparalleled dance training for all ages and levels.

Providing technique and performance while developing confidence and creativity. Programs start throughout the year, for more information visit our website: danceco.com

Gateway Academy’s Summer Camp 604/247-4975 www.gatewaytheatre.com Richmond

Douglas College Community Music School 604/527-5469 www.douglascollege.ca/cms Come Play with Us this summer! We offer summer music camps and classes for children, youth, and adults of all levels: Jazz, Guitar, Rock, DJ’ing, World Drumming and more. Enjoy professional level instruction at community prices. Call us today to register!

East Van Dance Summer Camp at AUUC School of Dance www.auucvancouver.ca eastvandance@auucvancouver.ca Join us in East Vancouver for a week of dancing, crafting & summer fun. Dance instruction in a range of styles for young movers of all skill levels – don’t miss out!

18 bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015

Goh Ballet 604/872-4014 admin@gohballet.com Jean Lyons School of Music 604/734-4019 www.jeanlyonsmusic.com Place des Arts 604/664-1636 www.placedesarts.ca Coquitlam Place des Arts Summer Fun! Art Camp 6 weeks: July 6 to Aug. 14, 2015.

Summer Fun! offers flexibility, choice and lots of summertime fun for children ages 5–7 & 8–12. Our half-day, week-long workshops for 11–14 year olds provide more intensive experiences in a range of visual and performing arts disciplines.

Prussin Music 604/736-3036 www.prussinmusic.com Want to play in a Jazz Ensemble?

Interested in Fiddle or Songwriting?

How about Girls with Guitars or Campfire Songs? Does Music for Children sound interesting? All at Prussin this summer.

StageCoach Theatre Arts Schools 1-877-787-8243 www.stagecoachschools.ca Sing, Dance, Act! For 4–18 yr olds.

The world’s largest part-time theatre school network, with weekend schools across the Lower Mainland. We offer classes in Singing, Dancing and Drama every weekend alongside the school term as well as week long summer camps. Building confidence in young people since 1988! Come join the fun!

Schools are located in Vancouver Eastside/Westside, Richmond, Surrey, Coquitlam, Langley, Victoria “Summer in the City” weekly Art Camps Suzy Birstein www.suzybirstein.com 604/737-2636 Summer Music at UBC 604/822-3113 www.summer.music.ubc.ca The UBC Summer Music Institute provides an intensive and fun musical experience for ages 10 to 18 in two levels of concert band and jazz band workshops, as well as two singing workshops. Overnight or daycamp.

July 6-31 Theatre and Mask camp 2014

wma Summer camp 2015 Half day Half day camp outdoor space

camps 9am - noon noon 9am for 3-6 3-6 year year olds olds for in our bright, in our bright, air-conditioned air-conditioned indoor/outdoor indoor/outdoor classroom classroom

Fullday day camps Full camps 9am - 3:30pm 3:30pm for for 5-12 5-12 year year olds olds 9am

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in our secure, air-conditioned Elementary wing. in our secure, air-conditioned Elementary wing.

Week 1: Wonderland!

- A trip down the rabbit hole!

Week 2: Music Adventureland!

Week 1: Baking science, cartooning, dance!

Week 2: Magical clowns, puppetry!

- Nature, Music and Art

Week 3: Improv, musical theatre, Illustrating!

Week 3: Tomorrowland!

Week 4: Crafts, pianos + paint, WMA film school, WMA Rock school!

- Robots, science and trips to the moon!

Week 4: Neverland!

Fairy Camp 2014

(before and after camp care available) (before and after camp care available)

-Pirates, Mermaids and .... treasure!

Clown camp 2014

Westside Montessori Academy, 3075 Slocan St, Vancouver 604-434-9611

wmasummercamp.com bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015 19

summer camp guide Vancouver Academy of Dance 604/231-8293 www.vancouverdance.com Vancouver/Richmond. Quality dance training. Starting this July, 5 weeks of summer programs in Ballet, Jazz, Tap, Hip Hop, breakdancin’, Chinese dance, Ballroom and Acrobatics.

Vancouver Academy of Music 604/734-2301 www.vam.bc.ca Vancouver Tap Dance Society 604/253-0293 Vancouver Westside Dance Centre 604/736-1000 www.westsidedance.ca Visit our website for summer camp info.

general activities Alexandra Neighbourhood House 604/535-0015 Programs for children and families throughout Metro Vancouver.

Residential Summer Camps include a 5 day camp for Families with limited resources, as well as a weekend Family Camp for families with teens/preteens with developmental challenges.

False Creek C.C. Daycamps 604/257-8195, Vancouver www.falsecreekcc.ca Offers canoe/kayak camps, recreational camps and leadership camps for ages 3–14.

In Wonderland Summer Camp 604/872-4665 www.inwonderland.ca Langara Family YMCA 604/324-9622 www.langarafamilyymca.org Ages 3–16; 8 am–5 pm Preschool, Adventure, Leadership, and Counsellor in Training Camps.

Mount Pleasant Neighbourhood House Licensed Out-of-School Care at Florence Nightingale School 604/879-8208 www.mpnh.org 8 weeks of licensed summer care for 20 children 5–10 years old North Vancouver Recreation Commission 604/987-PLAY (7529) www.northvanrec.com St. John’s Summer to Discover Day Camps 604/732-4434 Ms. Alexis Carlson, Summer Camps Coordinator,

Internationally reputable, innovative programs combining Kodaly-Orff-Dalcroze.

Summer Camps 3-7 yrs.

Music & Movement 0-7 yrs.

Playful singing games develop core music skills and literacy Piano, Percussion, Violin, Viola, Cello, Guitar, Flute lessons 5 yrs+

778-846-0127 www.colourstrings.ca 20 bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015

email: camps@stjohns.bc.ca New this summer – the Summer to Discover Day Camps at St. John’s School in Kitsilano. The Summer to Discover Camps promise to provide a fun, safe and adventure-filled experience for all ages, interests, abilities and passions. From sports, visual arts, science, music and technology, there is something for everyone. Visit www.stjohns.bc.ca/camps to register today.

SFU Summer Camps 778/782-4965 www.sfu.ca/camps Sunset Community Centre 604/718-6505 www.mysunset.net Vancouver Vancouver College: A Finnegan Summer 604/261-4285 www.vc.bc.ca

residential camps Camp Qwanoes 250/246-3014 www.qwanoes.ca Qwanoes is a Christian camp built from the ground up for kids to experience an unforgettable life-changing

week. Qwanoes is wild action and pure fun, sun-soaked days, new friendships, tasty food, great music, over 75 activities, and all in a spectacular setting with amazing staff from the around the world... all who love kids. Life like no other awaits!

Outward Bound 604/901-0013 (ext 221) www.outwardbound.ca Webbs Holiday Acres 604/857-1712 www.webbsholidayacres.ca

specialty camps BC SPCA Among Animals Camp 604/599-7297 www.spca.bc.ca/youth/whats-happening Camps are held in various locations around the province. Participants will learn about animal care, welfare and environmental issues in a safe and fun environment.

Bricks 4 Kidz® 778/822-5672 www.bricks4kidz.com/vancouver With our unique, motorized Lego® models, Bricks 4 Kidz® Vancouver is offering an exciting lineup of summer camps. From our popular Space Adventures and Robotics Camps to our

summer camp guide new Mining & Crafting and Bricks 4 Girlz Camps, kids will have a blast with hands-on activities and challenges.

Burnaby Village Museum 604/297-4565 www.burnabyvillagemuseum.ca/camps In a 1920s setting, children play games and sports, enjoy activities, and enjoy daily carousel rides! There are themed weeks for specific age groups.

Christianne’s Lyceum of Literature and Art 604/733-1356 The Lyceum encourages young people to see themselves as readers, writers and artists as they engage with abstract ideas and reflect on their own place in society. Programs include: bookclubs, writers’ workshops, literature and art classes and holiday and summer camps.

FUN Camps www.funsociety.ca Heritage Summer Daycamps 604/592-6956 Spend a summer day on the farm at Historic Stewart Farm doing things the old-fashioned way! Tend the garden, go on a nature walk, play games, be a river pirate, and more–there is a different theme every day!

K12 Plus Learning 604/767-0949 We offer special summer programs at our centre or your home.

Lynn Canyon Ecology Centre 604/990-3755 North Vancouver www.dnv.org/ecology Midnight Cheer Athletics 604/263-6436, Vancouver www.midnightcheer.com Oxford Learning N. Vancouver: 604/990-8850 Coquitlam: 604/936-1371 Richmond: 604/233-5566 South Surrey: 604/575-1494 Langley: 604/534-4089 www.oxfordlearning.com St. George’s Summer Programs 604/221-3601 www.summeratstgeorges.ca Vancouver, Dunbar area Science Camps – HT Science Made Fun 778/737-5277 www.ScienceMadeFunBC.net High Touch is offering our hands-on science camps throughout the Lower Mainland at a location near you. For a complete listing of our location and camps please visit our web site.

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ancouver for a week of Join us in East V Vancouver dancing crafting and summer fun. We are excited to offer dance instruction in a range of styles to young movers of all skill levels. There will be creative creative crafting and interactive activ ites so activites don't miss out!

Info and registration at www.auucvancouver. com www.auucvancouver.com

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bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015 21

summer camp guide Science World at TELUS World of Science 604/443-7443 www.telusworldofscience.com/ Dive into Summer Camp at the Vancouver Aquarium 604/659-3552 www.vanaqua.org Westside Church Day Camps Cosmic City & Beyond!

604/263-2314, Kistilano www.churchonthewestside.com Visit our website for all the details on our outer space themed camps packed with games, crafts, science, singing and local trips.

Westside Montessori Academy www.wmasummercamp.com Westside Montessori Academy’s Summer Camps are professionally-led half and full day camps for 3–12 year olds in East Vancouver. Taking advantage of their secure, air-conditioned classrooms and adjacent Beaconsfield Park, they make summer full of learning, exploring and fun!

YWCA Camp Fun Girl 604/895-5844 Writing and Book Camp (Vancouver Public Library) 604/331-4093

www.vpl.vancouver.bc.ca/ events/details/bookcamp

sports The Academy at Richmond Stables 604/275-1830 Athletes in Action 604/514-2079 www.athletesinaction.com Atlantis Programs 604/874-6464 www.atlantisprograms.com Vancouver Cartwheels 604/275-0020 or 604/594-1555 www.cartwheelsincorporated.com Richmond/Surrey Cliffhanger Indoor Rock Climbing 604/874-2400 www.cliffhangerclimbing.com Fitba—Soccer Player Development 604/340-1263 www.fitba.ca Jump Gymnastics 604/568-9690 www.jumpgymnastics.ca Langara Family YMCA 604/324-9622

22 bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015

www.langarafamilyymca.org Ages 6–12: Hours 8 am–5 pm Basketball, Soccer, Hockey, Tennis and more! Girls and Boys only options offered, as well as a UBC Wrestling Camp for ages 12–16. Financial Assistance available.

RBL Basketball 604/269-0221 or 604/253-5295 www.RBLBasketball.ca Week long camps for boys and girls from kindergarten to Grade Ten. Two to three hours each day.

The Little Gym 604/539-2543 www.thelittlegym.com Call for summer day camp details.

Oval Sport Camps Richmond Olympic Oval 778/296-1400 www.richmondoval.ca camps@richmondoval.ca We offer 49 different sports camps for ages 6–16. Visit our website for details.

Pedalheads Bike Camp 604/874-6464 www.pedalheads.ca Vancouver Royal Soccer 800/427-0536 www.royalsoccer.com

Royal Soccer is excited to offer our #1 grassroots soccer camp in Canada.

Open to boys & girls ages 5 to 13 at multiple BC locations during July & August.

Sportball 604/688-3157 Sportball is a non-competitive sports program for children 16 months to 12 years. Children are introduced to eight popular sports: soccer, hockey, football, basketball, baseball, volleyball, tennis and golf. Sportball offers weekly programs, outdoor soccer, camps during school holidays, and birthday parties.

Come try a free trial class! See our website for a location near you.

Twin Rivers Equestrian Centre 604/574-5481 www.twinriversequestrian.com UBC Sport Camps 604/822-6121 www.ubccamps.ca Vancouver Vancouver Phoenix Gymnastics 604/737-7693 www.phoenixgymnastics.com

Le français au CSF,

c’est bien plus qu’une langue !

Inscrivez votre enfant dans une des écoles publiques du CSF !

Depuis sa création en 1995, le Conseil scolaire francophone de la ColombieBritannique offre des programmes et des services éducatifs valorisant le plein épanouissement et l’identité culturelle des apprenantes et apprenants francophones de la province. Le conseil compte aujourd’hui plus de 4 700 élèves, 37 écoles publiques et dessert plus d’une centaine de communautés réparties dans l’ensemble de la province.

▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

programme d’enseignement public de la maternelle à la 12e année; ▪ haut niveau de réussite scolaire; services à la petite enfance; ▪ portables pour tous; service de transport scolaire; programme d’anglais de qualité; ▪ programmes de musique, théâtre.

May 16 ‘til Sept 20

BIRTHDAY PARTIES AT PLAYLAND Take the party outside your house and leave the preparation, mess and fun to us! We’ll do the legwork so you can join in on the party!

Starting at just $26 Packages include invitations, lunch, access to over 30 rides and attractions and more.

BOOK YOUR BIRTHDAY PARTY TODAY! 604.252.3663 •

Minimum 8 packages required for birthday rate.

bcparent.ca • summer issue 2015 23

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