In a Lighter Vein

Filip de Sagher

These are testing times (pun intended). And humour, which is one of our ways to deal with adversity, seems to be sorely missing.

Not that our masked faces can tell whether we smile or not, but we all need some relief from the doom and the gloom. Putting this pandemic in a lighter perspective might strengthen your resolve to face it.

So I ransacked the Internet and found a ton of corona-related jokes. That department certainly does not suffer any supply problems. Here is a rundown of what I thought were the funnier ones. They all have in common that they are catchy, although some of you might have to wait 2 weeks to see if you got it . . .

By now, we all know that ordering a Mexican beer at the bar is a dangerous activity. The good news is that the accompanying lime wedge has anti-bacterial properties. That should help. And since everyone now has to sanitize their hands, the peanuts have a cleaner taste, too.

Sadly, nobody walks in a bar anymore. Telling jokes with a beer in your hand is out. We know the answer anyway . . . the chicken crossed the road because the chicken behind her did not keep her social distance. By the way, if you do walk in a bar, wearing a mask is not sufficient; you have to put on some pants, too.

All this staying at home is starting to weigh on us. The buttons on my shirt started socially distancing. But there is good advice out there. Every few days, try on your jeans, because pajamas lie. And there are new definitions out as well. Outdoor activity—getting your online-ordered packages from the front door. Pub-crawl—having a beer in each room of your house.

Please do not be too upset about having to lie on the couch all day. Tell your mom that you are saving the world. And use all that time on your hands to find another reason for having no time to clean the house. Couples might find it hard to quarantine together, though. They might kill each other faster than the virus.

Have you heard the one about the person on his way out (probably to pick up toilet paper) and noticing a woman talk to her cat? When he got home, he told his dog all about it and boy, did they have a good laugh!

Talking about hoarding, it was of course breaking news when the first person died from the virus. In his house they found 100 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 50 kilos of rice, 300 rolls of toilet paper and 50 litres of hand sanitizer that he had stockpiled. The whole lot collapsed on top of him.

Do not ask me to explain the difference between the Delta and Omicron variant. It is all Greek to me. But since omega is the last letter of that alphabet, I hope we all get a watch when it is all over. I wonder what, 15 years from now, they will call the generation born during the pandemic: The quaranteens?

In the meantime, we carry on and find new ways to deal with it.

A method to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.

A method to keep everyone at a safe distance? Lots of garlic.

But the method that trumps them all? Laughter! s Filip de Sagher is a BC Notary practising at Deprez & Associates in Vancouver.

By the way, if you do walk in a bar, wearing a mask is not sufficient; you have to put on some pants, too.