MEDIATION

WorkPeace: Conflict as a Catalyst for Transformation

Lori Charvat

The Challenge: View conflict as an opportunity to create better relationships and a better workplace.

Maybe that sounds like a story of apple pie and motherhood, but I have seen relationships transformed through mediation. Repeatedly.

The process of working through the mess of conflict can provide insight about ourselves and a deeper understanding and appreciation of the people with whom we work.

Theory U, developed by Otto Scharmer and colleagues at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT), offers a framework for approaching positive change and a useful way to look at conflict.

The “U” refers to the visual construct of Scharmer’s theory that asserts we make sense of what is going on around us as we descend into the base of the “U,” where we can become present with what matters.

U

We then ascend along the far side of the “U” where we can take conscious actions, rooted in what matters and the intentions we have for results.

According to Theory U, we humans have multiple daily choices to make about how we move through the world, alone or with others . . . choices that take us either along a path of destruction or a path of connection.

Of course, most of us never choose a path of destruction, but we get there sometimes because of our habits of thought and action. The way to get on the path of connection is to be mindful and intentional.

Let us look at those paths and the choices we can make in relation to conflict. Destruction The path of destruction begins with denial. “Not me. It’s all her fault. Fake news!” From denial, we move to de-sensing and being absent, where we close off and shut down. Then we deceive ourselves and others until we reach destruction. What keeps us on this path of destruction is a closed mind or willful ignorance, a closed heart or greed, and closed will or fear.

Sound familiar? Connection In contrast, the path to connection begins with seeing and looking at the situation with fresh eyes. It requires curiosity and an open mind. It requires compassion all around. From seeing, we move along the U to sensing . . . that asks us to be empathic and to be in the present. When we are fully present with the new information and insight about self and others, we can move upward along the path of the “U” trying new ways of interacting until we find improved ways to be in the relationship.

We might come up with commitments for how we will talk to each other or make promises to stop doing things that are annoying or hurtful. We exercise our good will toward each other. That enables us to co-create a new chapter of the relationship. Theory U, Applied The next time you find yourself in a conflict or mediating the conflict of others, try on Theory U as an organizing framework for moving forward in a positive way. •

Lead with curiosity to open your mind.

Ask what you can learn.

What new or different information can you take in?

What assumptions are you making?

Flex your compassion muscle.

Allow compassion to eclipse judgment.

Step into the “other’s” shoes.

Have the courage to do things differently.

Make an offer. Make a request.

Try on a new way of being. s Lori Charvat is an organizational development consultant, mediator, and leadership coach.