Supporting Families in a Time of Need

Rhonda Kelman

In January 2023, I was asked to come to the hospital in New Westminster to be with a family as they take their loved one off of life support. It was an honour to be invited into this challenging time. I was able to just be present and pray. It was heartbreaking watching family members say goodbye to their daughter, sister, and mother. She was so young and had a long battle but all of her organs were failing. Some of the family and friends didn’t know me as I only knew the family and friends from Klemtu. As I stayed in the ICU room with the family, I reflected on the memories I had with this individual while they were a youth. She was on the first basketball team I had the privilege of driving for the Junior All Natives Tournament years ago. She was so quiet but had a great sense of humour. I lost contact with her when she moved down to Vancouver almost fifteen years ago.

It wasn’t until a couple of hours of being in the ICU, that some of the Elders introduced themselves to me and we visited, and it wasn’t until we were all leaving that some of the young adults started to talk to me. Sometimes we don’t know the impact of our actions, but I got to see a glimpse of what God did through that hospital visit through some Facebook messages I received from various young adults who were in the room while all the machines were stopped and as we watched her take her last breath. There were people who I haven’t seen for fifteen years, and others who I have connected with more recently as they still lived in Klemtu.

There are many families who have loved ones who are stuck in addictions and who are choosing to live on the streets. We have been able to support people by praying with them as they go to look for their loved one. Unfortunately there has been an increase in deaths due to addictions, overdosing, or suicide. May there be peace and healing that can only come through Christ for those struggling with addictions and for the families who desperately want their loved ones to come home.

While we are in the communities or even times where we can support those outside the communities, it is important to just be there and to be present. I was reminded of this when I was in Nanaimo for the Junior All Native Basketball Tournament, and the whole team made an effort to go pay respects to a family who had just lost their son. Just by showing up and spending time with that family was so important. It was a good reminder of how we might be able to help and support others during their time of grief.

Reflection from a Volunteer Pastor Fraser Coltman

At St. Paul’s, Nanaimo, like many other churches, we have been slow and careful to return to group activities. On Saturday, March 18, we held our first congregation brunch since COVID. After the meal, I presented a slide show and talked about my experience with the BCMBS in August of 2022. Last summer was also a challenging time for the leaders of the BCMBS. Rhonda and Julie worked very hard to maintain relationships with Indigenous communities, and the summer rather suddenly opened up some opportunities for trips into the communities. Rhonda had asked me to join a group that scheduled to make visits to Ehattesaht and to Yuquot for the Northern Region Games. As I recounted some of my experiences and learnings from the mission experience, I thanked St. Paul’s for giving their blessing to me going. They saw themselves as sharing me with the BCMBS for that time. Two lessons stood out for me on my trip. Spending time at Ehattesaht and on Yuquot, I gained an appreciation for the efforts the people are making to restore their communities to a way of life that is supportive, respectful, and inclusive. The individualism of Canadian culture can work against their community building efforts, but the Indigenous leaders I met are working hard to teach social values that strengthen the bonds between neighbours. I found this particularly interesting because Christian leaders, like myself, also work to build up the Church’s community, often hindered by the values of the world in which we live.

Many of the people I met had had experiences with Residential Schools that remain painful, but they found strength in sharing their stories, and they appreciated our willingness to listen to them. We met Christians among the people we met, though they seemed to be in the minority. Many confessed traditional Indigenous beliefs, and others might be considered religiously agnostic, though still culturally Indigenous. All this makes Christian witness among adults a complex challenge, but acts of service and listening ears do seem to help to lay relational groundwork for such outreach.

It was a privilege to go on these trips, to work with Rhonda, Julie, Clara and Braeden as well Mitch, Sonja, Alexandra, Amanda, Jonathan, Kenna, and Ezekiel, and to live and serve at Ehattesaht and Yuquot for those eight days. I was thankful to be able to share my stories with my congregation.