Pastoral listening

Preachers talk. We are called to talk, hired to speak, paid to make comments. We talk at services, at meet ings and small groups. We speak with staff, in coun seling, at special events. It is easy to begin thinking that we NEED to comment on everything. Preachers often feel the NEED to talk.

Pastors also NEED to listen. We probably (definitely) should not talk until we have done a good bit of opening our ears without opening our mouths. There will be a time to speak (Eccl. 3:7).

But listening is hard. “Hearing” someone demands mental energy, focus and self-discipline. So how can a pastor, on top of being a good communicator, become a good listener? Here are a few thoughts.

Listening requires humility. When listening to someone else speak, the good pastor realizes that this moment is not about him. Lay aside your need to be heard and REALLY hear with understanding what the person is saying to you.

Stop thinking about what you will say in response. Stop looking for an on-ramp for your brilliant insight. When you do this, you miss a lot of hurt, frustration, pain, insight and possibly the entire meaning of the conversation. Listen. To. Every. Word—without formulating your amazing reply.

Listen with your entire body. Look the other person in the eye. See their emotions. Use a posture that invites them in. Avoid “looking off” like you are thinking about how to answer. Uncross your arms. Square up to them. Lean forward. And for the love of all that redirect or change the subject or even quote Scripture verses in an attempt to lighten the moment. That opportunity will likely come later. Let them emotionally open up. Your job is to listen.

Remove the phrase “I know how you feel.” You don’t. Not entirely. Individuals possess their own compilation of circumstances that impact current feelings. There rarely is a need to tell them of your experience with a similar situation. If you do, you will most likely make them feel “one-upped.”

Instead, say “Tell me more about that.” This communicates that you are engaged and concerned. This little phrase “Tell me about…” serves as a great initiator of conversations. You, the pastor, are walking through the crowd on Sunday morning and see a young woman that you know has an ailing parent. “Hi Janet, tell me what is going on with your mother.” And then listen…and pray. Or the returning college student—“Tell me about school!” and then lock in on that kid.

I am not a professional counselor. I do know that they call these principles “active listening.” So, pastor, listen. And be active in it! Be “quick to listen and slow to speak” (James 1:19).

Andy Taylor East Central Regional

Maggie’s Story

To know Maggie today is to know a woman of determination, joy and grace. This is all due to the work of Jesus in her life.

loss was her children, along with her hope. For the next three years, she experienced homelessness, sleeping under bridges and in trees.

She soon began her journey back home to central Oklahoma. She was now clean and, again, pregnant. She needed and wanted to be in a place to raise her baby in a healthy environment. She needed a fresh start. She made her way to Grace Home, which was a time of healing, learning and redefining. The next step in the process of regaining custody of her other children was to move to Children’s Hope at the Oklahoma City campus of Oklahoma Baptist Homes for Children. While there, she continued to intentionally grow in her relationship with God as she relentlessly pursued goals that enabled her to build a healthy life for her family. Also during her time there, she continued to gain the tools and resources needed to lead a life of success as defined by Jesus. Today, Maggie knows her purpose is to grow in the likeness of Christ and to disciple her children. Maggie now gets to be the one to ensure stability for her family. Maggie gets to be a part of instilling the truths of scripture into the lives of her children. The impact of this treasured responsibility has led to her daughters, Scarlet* and Clara*, and her son, Jake*, placing their faith in Jesus, with Scarlet and Jake being baptized in 2022 and Clara in 2023. Maggie is blown away by the undeniable growth in her children’s self-worth and identity over the last year. The best is yet to come for Maggie and her beautiful family.

In the midst of a childhood full of instability and a household of drugs and alcohol, Maggie recalls the love and care shown to her by her grandparents. She fully believes introducing her to Christ was the best thing that her grandma could have ever done for her. Receiving salvation at a young age, Maggie had the foundation of a life built on Jesus.

However, as she moved into adulthood, she did not have the basic tools or resources needed to embark on a life of success. She had been taught and came to believe that her sole purpose was to become a wife, which ushered her into a slew of unhealthy relationships for the next 13 years. By the time she reached her early twenties, she had given birth to four children by four different men. At age 26, she began experimenting in drugs and alcohol, a life she had grown up to know as normal, which began her descent toward rock bottom.

The drugs quickly took control of her life. She lost her job, her home, her driver’s license and her car. The most devastating