Page 10 with DeeDee Davis

Page 10

DeeDee Davis, Contributing Writer

Did you know there are plenty of people who actually start their day by reading the local obituary page? Nothing speaks to the history of a town like seeing who is dearly departed. It’s not the first page I read in the morning paper, but I admit that over the last couple of years I find myself spending more time in this section after skipping it for so many years. Originally, my interest in this page(s) was very intentional. If someone I knew had passed, I wanted to read their obituary. Death is so final and so hard to accept that there is something about seeing it in print that makes it more real. Seeing a picture and reading the column is like bringing them back to life for a while and keeping them near a little longer. Obituaries are also a way of joining the community who cared about this person and becoming a part of a group mourning process.

Obituaries have been around for a long time, dating back to ancient Rome. The death announcements were very brief but even then, newspaper “editors” understood the significance of letting readers know of notable passings. In those times only celebrities were considered worthy enough to get the ink. It was many, many years later before the reports became more common. Obituary notices flourished during the American Civil War. For most, this was the only way to keep up with who was living and who was not.

Writing an appropriate obituary is really an art. You have a relatively small space to summarize what really mattered in this person’s life. Almost all obituaries include what family members proceeded in death and what family members are survivors. This information has proven to be an effective tool for organizations such as Ancestry 23, who collects obituaries and uses the data as part of their family tree research. After the standard information of birth/ death dates, place of birth and noted family members, there is usually personal information about the deceased. For example, where they went to school, notable community involvement, hobbies, what they did for a living- all pretty important in a life.

Over the years, obituaries have significantly changed in content. Fifty years ago, these columns were filled with lines like “he died peacefully at home” or “she passed unexpectedly” or even “he is no longer with us.” Duh. All vague, leaving the reader with plenty of questions like WHAT HAPPENED? Let’s face it, if someone moves on to glory (we hope), we want to know the cause. Writers have responded and have evolved from the indeterminate to the specific. For a while you could figure it out only when they concluded by saying something like “in lieu of flowers, please consider a contribution to (fill in the blank).” It doesn’t take rocket science to figure out the cause of death if the writer is encouraging support of any particular foundation for an illness. People are much more willing now to share raw emotion and painful details about their loss. “He died at home” has morphed into details about long battles with addiction and recklessness. I suppose the writer ought to be able to express whatever it takes to deal with the pain and grief that is the reason for writing. Sometimes sharing this much is needed, though, my grandmother would have been fanning herself over the details that some include in their tributes.

Someone very close to me reads all of the obituaries. ALL. I once found this unusual, okay, I still do, but I can at least appreciate it now. He read one recently where the deceased had been the salutatorian in high school and had delivered his entire speech in Latin! Now, that is impressive. On a different note altogether, he read another about a guy known as “Slim” (picture suggested otherwise) who, according to the column’s author, was pretty worthless and never did amount to much. It ended with “he will not be missed”. Maybe he was cut out of the will and this was his way of coping? Some of them are pretty humorous and touching like the one about a guy who hated cats and wrote a country song about it. Sure makes you think- what WILL they write about me?

I think the most important lesson we can take from the whole concept of obituaries is that maybe we need to celebrate each other and our accomplishments, big and small, while we are living. There have been far too many familiar faces showing up on those pages lately and while I hope they always knew how much they were loved, cherished and respected (except for Slim, evidently), it doesn’t seem like enough. So go ahead and be sappy. Looking back, we will all feel more comforted when thinking about too many hugs, instead of holding back.