A CONTRACT OF LOVE

Why Every Smart Couple Should Consider A Prenuptial Agreement

by Autumn Beck Blackledge

“The sight of lovers feedeth those in love.” -William Shakespeare; As you Like It 3:4

There is just something romantic about this time of year. In Pensacola, we know that the cold weather is about to give way to a glorious panhandle spring and that means that wedding season is just around the corner. Ladies who are well loved by the right person become more beautiful every day and the men who are in love become more confident. If you have ever witnessed a couple become engaged, the nervous posture of the groomto-be and the excitement of the bride-to-be cannot help to elicit a feeling of hope in the observer. Yes, Shakespeare was right; the sight of lovers is like seed for lovebirds. Ahh and a bride-to-be, constantly looking down at her hand admiring the way her ring catches the light, flipping through magazines at dresses and decorations and putting in place the wedding she has had planned in her mind since she was a little girl—the cake, the dress and the party! And just as the fun of the wedding planning is being undertaken, someone dares to ask, “Are you getting a prenuptial?” Gasp! Who would cast this shadow of doubt on a newly engaged couple?

Yes, over the years the word “pre-nup” has become a dirty word for hopeful and committed brides and grooms. It is understandable of course, as who wants to enter a marriage with the expectation of it failing; why plan for the end of your marriage when you have just committed to undertake this life in a permanent partnership? But what if the discussion about a prenuptial did just the opposite? What if it solidified your commitment instead of polarized it?

Prenuptial agreements have been around for centuries. In the Jewish faith, the bride and groom not only make an emotional and spiritual commitment to one another through marriage, but also make a legal commitment through the use of a ketubah. In a ketubah, the mutual responsibilities of the parties are outlined for the couple both during the marriage and if necessary upon their divorce. The true historic goal of the first prenuptial agreements therefore was not just for divorce planning, but also for marriage planning. Over the years, society’s view of prenuptial agreements has deviated from this idea. It’s no wonder when celebrity breakups and the extreme terms of their prenuptial agreements highlight nothing but their selfish motives and greed. But the reality of a well thought out prenuptial is the exact opposite and has less to do with protecting your “stuff” from the other person and more about writing your own plan for your future as husband and wife.

■SMART COUPLES KNOW THAT THEIR MARRIAGE

WILL END. Smart couples know that even though they do not intend, and do not want, to ever dissolve their marriage, the possibility of dissolution is a reality. The current national divorce average is somewhere around 40 percent, down from recent years where it topped 50 percent. However, with the recent stressors of a global pandemic, inflation, war and other struggles, it is very likely that the divorce rate will increase as the stress of these events often hit the hardest on marriages. While every newly engaged couple is hoping and expecting to beat those odds, smart brides and grooms do not ignore the possibility of dissolution. Aside from the possibility of divorce, smart brides and grooms know with certainty that if divorce doesn’t end their marriage, death will. Prenuptials not only help outline terms for divorce, but also establish terms for inheritance and estate planning. When a person dies, Florida law provides for how that person’s property is transferred. Similarly, if a couple divorces, the law will dictate the terms of that divorce. In instances, a statute or a judge interpreting the facts to the relevant law can ultimately make very personal decisions for families. A prenuptial is a contract that sets forth some minimum terms in both and smart brides and grooms use a prenuptial to decide that when the marriage ends, due to either death or dissolution that their lives will be governed by the terms of their own agreement, rather than by any terms dictated by a statute or a judge. Remember, a prenuptial agreement does not prevent you from giving more to your spouse or even sharing everything in the event of your death.

■SMART COUPLES KNOW THEY HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THE HARD STUFF.

Ask any couple who has been married for a long time what their secret of success is and they will likely tell you “communication.” In fact, the pastors, licensed mental health counselors and countless other people involved in helping struggling marriages that I work with on a regular basis, will tell you that couples are headed for divorce when they can no longer communicate. A prenuptial agreement forces a couple to have conversations about difficult subjects like finances, death and honesty before they take the leap. Smart brides and grooms believe that by openly discussing these matters, they are solidifying their commitment and love for each other and setting a pattern of open communication that will stay with them for the duration of their relationship and married lives. This is accomplished in several ways as the prenuptial is negotiated. Enforceable prenuptial agreements often require full financial disclosure of each party’s assets and liability and forces the parties to think about their positions on legal issues like alimony, marital assets and debt and inheritance. A good prenuptial agreement also helps the couple outline how finances will be handled during the marriage and can address financial issues like separate bank accounts and individual earnings.

■SMART COUPLES WANT TO UNDERSTAND THE

RULES OF THE GAME. Most people do not know the rules of the game when it comes to divorce or death. There is no doubt about it that when you get married, you are entering

“Most people do not know the rules of the game when it comes

to divorce or death. There is no doubt about it that when you get married, you are entering into a contract. Saying ‘I do’ means they are committing themselves to certain spiritual and emotional responsibilities, but also certain legal rights and responsibilities under the law.”

into a contract. Saying “I do” means they are committing themselves to certain spiritual and emotional responsibilities, but also certain legal rights and responsibilities under the law. But, when you think about it, it is probably the only contract that you enter into without understanding what those rights and responsibilities really are. Few couples know if they will have to pay alimony or not if they divorce, whether or not keeping the title of a property in the name of only one party will determine who it will belong to after divorce, or how assets and debt would be divided in the event of a divorce. The first time most couples learn about the rules of the game is after someone has filed for divorce or one party has died. Then it can be too late. A prenuptial helps a couple understand what the law says about marriage, divorce and death and helps them decide at the outset, whether or not they agree with the laws. The prenuptial can then override the current law in many instances and create the “law of the marriage” for this couple. Don’t believe in alimony? You can waive your entitlement to it via your prenuptial. Believe that forgoing a career to stay at home with children should be financially compensated for? Contract for that compensation. Want to require that the title controls ownership for all the property acquired during the marriage? Include it in your agreement. A smart bride and groom use a prenuptial to write their own rules

■SMART COUPLES KNOW THAT PRENUPTIALS ARE NOT JUST FOR THE

WEALTHY. As a divorce lawyer, I don’t get the opportunity as often as I would like to facilitate the creation of families. Honestly, when I first started doing prenuptial agreements, I had the impression that they were just for the wealthy, blended families or for couples who really didn’t think they were going to “make it” long term. However, the more prenuptial agreements I do, the more I realize that they benefit both parties of the marriage, and are not just designed to benefit the wealthy. In today’s economy, it is almost impossible to predict which party of the marriage will ultimately become the breadwinner or stay at home parent. Traditional roles are changing and that means the sky is the limit on who can and may ultimately be the primary earner in a marriage. A great example of this would be a couple who enters into a prenuptial agreement because the groom’s family is very wealthy and he anticipates gifts of money, investments or businesses from his family over the years of marriage. Naturally, the groom (or his family) would want to consider a pre-nup and it could be said that the prenuptial was put in place in an effort to protect his assets more than hers. But, years later, that same bride that signed the pre-nup before the wedding then becomes an Instagram influencer as she hits the social media world talking about being a young mom or creating a lifestyle brand of her own. That same pre-nup that was thought to be the protection for the groom in the event of a divorce, now becomes the protection of the bride and the income she worked hard to protect. So, you see you don’t have to be wealthy to enter into a pre-nup. In fact, life throws so many curveballs at a marriage you have no idea what type of divorce you could be facing.

■SMART COUPLES KNOW THAT PEOPLE

CAN CHANGE. I hate this reality, but unfortunately, it is the most common reason for divorce that I see in my practice. A once competent, handsome and sober groom becomes addicted to drugs and in the process drives the couple’s finances into the ground. He then looks to his wife to help him stay afloat even after divorce. A pre-nup can prevent that. A wife strays and is unfaithful spending large sums of money on a credit card on her paramour. The husband can be protected in a pre-nup. There are so many scenarios in which the person you married has changed so detrimentally that you must divorce. A pre-nuptial can protect the other party and ensure that their future is not dictated by a spouse that changes for the worst.

Here is the bottom line. The more brides and grooms that I represent, the more value I see in the process of creating a prenuptial agreement and making financial decisions together. A recent prenuptial client recently said, “If we can talk about things like whether or not to have a baby, we should be able to talk about the real embarrassing things like my credit card debt.” As this couple was leaving my office on that day, they executed their prenuptial agreement, they looked at me and the other attorney and informed us that their next stop was the courthouse, to get their marriage license. “Now that we signed this contract of love, let’s make it official.”

Seed for this lovebird’s soul. •