REFRAMING SUCCESS

There are many aspects of success that we celebrate at Grammar. The height, breadth and depth of our well-rounded students embracing the myriad of opportunities on offer at our School, who go on to be good citizens contributing to the betterment of society, are what the community sees as our hallmark.

University billboards ask students to “Dream Large”, to “Be whatever we want to be”, suggesting that we can have it all. Never before have expectations been so high about human achievement. Most older people know that this is simply untrue. It is not that we shouldn’t pursue big dreams, but we can’t be good at everything, and we can’t have it all. Any wise nuanced vision of success concedes that.

However, marketing messages of success reinforce three things:

+ having a good job,

+ being rich, and

+ being famous.

This, apparently, is how we are recognised as being successful. It surrounds us with snobbishness, ranking us in the social hierarchy by your profession or material success.

Job snobbery is evident in the iconic question of 21st century parties, “And what do you do?” By how we answer that question, people are either incredibly delighted to meet us, or check their watch and move on.

Wealth, being rich, rewards us with the ability to consume, signposting material success. Another supposed marker of success is fame. Some three-quarters of Gen Z people in the US aim to be influencers, paid for posting about living the good life. How many of us have checked our phones after posting something, wondering how many “Likes” it generated? Or not posted something for fear of ridicule or, worse, being cancelled?

Moral philosopher Jonathan Haidt noted that since the rapid uptake of social media in 2014, high levels of anxiety and mental health issues have escalated, further amplified during COVID. No longer is our intrinsic value enough. Our worth is now determined by others.

Pursuing these social determinants of success has unintended consequences, namely envy. Envy inevitably leads to increased anxiety and a sense of failure if we have not achieved job status, wealth or fame in our lifetime.

Can we reframe success with another lens?

Whilst at Grammar, our students have learned foundational principles, skills and values to counteract these harmful messages, forming a mindset and a moral compass that embraces the adventure that is life in all its fullness.

As students leave School, they will encounter many people with different values, who think and behave differently.

True to our Anglican tradition, three of the things we value at Grammar are:

+ Curiosity

+ Relationships, and

+ Gratitude.

With Curiosity, we encourage our students to become explorers, to embrace what they don’t know, and to work to transition from learning how to give good answers, to asking good questions, such as “Why?”, “What if...?” and “How might we…?”.

Recently when we visited our son in Geneva we toured the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN), one of the largest collaborative centres for nuclear research in the world. There, curiosity drives discovery, generating further experiments, driving technological advances which benefit mankind. By making curiosity a lifelong habit, applied to our studies, work, relationships, and nature, there is potential for every encounter to be filled with wonder, discovery and joy.

Secondly, we value Relationships. We nurture a sense of belonging to a strong community. Through COVID, our Grammar family stepped up supporting each other in practical ways. Through Round Square, we discover who we are by serving one another and the common good. Through deep relationships we learn empathy and respect for one another. A unique Harvard study over a 75-year period showed that the best predictor of happiness and health was satisfaction and quality of relationships at age 50. Good relationships keep us happier and healthier, with curiosity enhancing a genuine interest in others.

Finally, we value Gratitude. We stand on the shoulders of giants. At Grammar, we are the beneficiaries of those who have gone before, with foresight in establishing a school we now celebrate. We owe a debt of gratitude to our families, friends and teachers who worked hard to get us to the present.

These three things -Curiosity, Relationships and Gratitude - represent a different way of looking at a successful life. A successful life is a meaningful life. Beyond chasing external rewards like status, wealth, and fame, we encourage our students to choose to pursue a meaningful life, defined by the quality of our relationships with others and our Maker. By curiosity and engagement in the world around us, by drawing upon and developing our God-given talents to make the world a better place, and with gratitude for our blessings, our lives and the lives of our students will be rich with meaning and success.