PA Post-Permanency Holiday Newsletter 2023

n o i t a d n u r o F e r i t a t B e l The s w e N y c n e n a ion m it Ed r y a e d li o H P 3 2 0 2 t s o P Welcome to The Bair Foundation Post-Permanency Department's 2023 Holiday Edition newsletter!

With offices in Harrisburg, New Wilmington, Erie, Pittsburgh, and Altoona, The Bair Foundation is able to serve post-permanency families across the state of Pennsylvania. We hope you will find our quarterly newsletters helpful and informative on your journey as an adoptive family.

Ingredients: 1 cup ground cinnamon 1 tbsp. ground cloves 1 tbsp. ground nutmeg 1 tbsp. ground ginger 3/4 cup applesauce 2 tbsp. white glue

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Directions:

1. In a large bowl, mix applesauce, glue and cinnamon.

2. Add additional desired spices for smell.

3. Use wooden spoon to mix dough until soft ball forms. If mixture is too wet, add more cinnamon. If mixture is too dry, add more applesauce. Use hands to work dough.

4. Layout wax paper and sprinkle with cinnamon.

5. Roll out dough on wax paper until 1/4 inch thick.

6. Coat cookie cutters in cinnamon and push to make shaped ornaments. Use a straw to poke a hole at the top.

7. Leave flat to dry on wax paper for 2-3 days.

Turning to allow for even drying.

8. Once completely dry, loop string through and tie.

9. Wrap in tissue paper to store.

This Issue Includes:

Information to help your family work through the *holiday hiccups* Family Activities Holiday Self Care Tips Tips for Reducing Holiday Stress Resource for Winter Clothing (page 3) The Bair Foundations PostPermanency Support Groups (page 3)

Invitation to our Information Sessions (page 2)

n o m a n Cin ts n e m a Orn

Holidays with an Adopted or Foster Child

The holiday season is officially here. For parents, it can be a BUSY time of year. To do lists are long, schedules are full, and expectations and anticipation can take it to a whole new level.

For Adoptive & Foster Parents, holidays with an Adopted or Foster Child can be more complicated and challenging. Holidays often mean transitions, change in routines, increased expectations. It also can be a time when grief and loss resurface. Be Intentional. As at any time of year, being intentional is key. It’s about being proactive in your choices, rather than just reacting and always feeling behind the 8 ball. Being intentional includes meeting your child right where he or she is at. It’s important to take into account the child’s history, his or her emotional age, attachment style, and so on.

Ready to learn more about services available to you?

Stockings can be stuffed with some fun snacks, sensory items, a new toothbrush, some cute socks… If you have family members who buy your child gifts, suggest a gift certificate for your family for a fun activity…a favorite museum, the zoo, the movie theatre. Those often work good because it not only takes some of the expectations for the child down in the moment, it fosters spending time together as a family.

Join us on Zoom for an informational session to learn more about postpermanency services available to your family!

lets talk more about...

1. Food, If your holiday table looks like ours, it is filled with tons of yummy foods. Family favorites, Great Grandma’s special cookie recipe, traditional foods such as lefse, and usually some new ones to try. Remember though, you are going into this holiday as an INTENTIONAL PARENT. That means make sure you have foods that you know your child likes. If the old stand by of a PB&J sandwich is his favorite, then make sure that is part of the meal…even if it means bringing it to dinner at Grandma’s house. Food is a basic assurance of life so it’s important at this time where anxiety can be high, that your child knows YOU’VE got him covered!

2. Traditions, Holidays are often steeped with traditions. From favorite recipes to the ornaments that hang on the tree, to activities. Those are all great. Holidays can be a great time to include your child’s traditions (or from his culture or country). Include on your menu some special treats from your child’s country. Do some research and find some new traditions to start that honor your child’s story. It's also important to make new family traditions.

Sledding on the first snow fall, baking cookies on a weekend, family movie nights at home on Friday nights. Make it a time that is relaxing, fun, and connecting. Keep the stress low!

3. Self Care, This one seems obvious, but it is so often pushed to the bottom of the list…and sometimes off the list entirely. You are juggling a lot. You have a lot on your plate. And to be able to pour into your family as much as you want to do, it is VITAL that you take care of you too. So…get out your calendar. Find some time where you can do self-care.

December 12, 2023

February 13, 2024 April 19, 2024

Contact Ann Sharek at ASharek@bair.org to register

Gifts Gifts can be fun to pick out and to give. The key here is to not go overboard. A whole pile of presents can be overwhelming to a child, and certainly overstimulating. In addition, it adds a whole lot of expectations for a child. They may worry how they should react, what is expected of them, what if they are not worthy of all of it, and so on. And all of that increases anxiety…and often increases behavior. Keep it simple. One great idea is the Gifts of 4.

Gifts of 4: 1. something they want, 2. something they need, 3. something to wear and 4. something to read

Holidays are hectic. They can be hard. But they can be HAPPY. It takes intention.

More from this article can be found here: https://www.tohavehope.com/blog/holidays-with-an-adopted-or-foster-child

7pm - 7:30pm

Family and Friends Often, family and friends don’t truly understand the struggles we are facing as adoptive and foster parents. They don’t see the hurdles that our adopted and foster children are trying to get over. They mean well, their intentions are good, but sometimes their comments and questions hurt. We feel judged, misunderstood, questioned. Sometimes their comments and actions get in the way of our relationships with our children. It’s not intentional. It’s really about not fully understanding. As Adoptive and Foster Parents, we have to advocate for our children. A LOT. Having to do it with our family and friends can often feel uncomfortable. But if you can look at it is a way that your family can best support you and your child rather than going into the conversation accusatory or defensive…or avoiding it all together….everyone will be benefit. BEFORE the holiday celebration is the best time to communicate. Often a letter or email works as a good starting point. Let your family know how much your family celebrations mean to you, as well as how hard you are working on giving your child a “one and only”. Also, it can help for some people if you can introduce them to the impacts of trauma on adopted and foster children.

upcoming support groups: *these will begin Jan 2024 and run thru March 2024

BOOK CLUB FOR ADOPTIVE PARENTS Join The Bair Foundation for a monthly virtual support group focusing on the book, The Connected Child by Karen Purvis. This support group will provide you and your family with information on ways to bring hope and healing to your adoptive family.

Contact Taylor Senko at tsenko@bair.org for additional information STRENGTHENING FAMILIES BEFORE CRISIS OCCURS Because adoptive families may face many unique challenges, it can often be difficult to recognize that problems are escalating until it’s too late. This support group is designed to help families address problems as they occur, and before they turn into crisis situations. Adoptive parents and older youth are encouraged to participate together.

Contact Sarah Laird at salaird@bair.org for additional information EXPLORING LIFE AFTER ADOPTION *GROUP FOR TEENS* During this support group, our goal will be to discuss different topics that adopted persons may encounter. Topics such as exploring who you are, unrealized feelings around adoption, and grief and loss will be discussed during our time together. With this, we hope that adopted teens will also come together and form relationships.

Contact Ellie Pinto at epinto@bair.org for additional information

Unwrapping Opportunities for Adoptive Families During the Holidays

Be a Curious Listener Holidays naturally lend themselves to storytelling. Through children’s books, familiar songs, or nostalgic films, we find ourselves immersed in the same stories year after year. This emphasis on storytelling provides a natural opportunity to learn more about your child’s life before entering your family, especially for those that have recently finalized an adoption. Perhaps there was a certain celebratory meal that was traditional in your child’s birth family.

By taking a curious stance, parents can gently seek to learn more about their child’s story, in hopes of incorporating some of the traditions they had grown accustomed to. In addition to providing a sense of comfort and normalcy within the home, this communicates to the child that we are listening when they share about their history, and we are eager to learn. There may also be more natural opportunities this time of year to check in with your child and discuss feelings that are more difficult to express. Parents can use speculative questions such as, “I wonder if this time of year brings back memories of times that you used to spend with your birth mother?”1 The child is then able to share as much, or as little, as they are comfortable discussing at that time. The important piece here is the message that the adoptive parent is sending by asking the question. They are acknowledging the child’s life prior to being placed in their adoptive family and communicating their willingness to hear about how that may be impacting them. By being sensitive to times when the child may be more open to discuss their memories and feelings, adoptive parents can create a culture of openness within the home.

Increase Structure & Adjust Expectations Any parent can tell you that family gatherings, road trips, vacations, and breaks from school that often come with the holidays are not exactly a recipe for structure and predictability. These conditions can send any child into a meltdown in front of family and friends, or an entire mall of shoppers. But for the child that has experienced trauma, neglect, abuse, and/or changes in caregivers, a lack of predictability is not just difficult, it feels truly threatening and unsafe. The most therapeutic settings for these children are consistent, predictable, and repetitive environments. These conditions soothe nervous systems that have been highly sensitized to change.6 It is important to have realistic expectations, understanding that there may be neurological differences in your child’s ability to cope. Wherever possible, increase structure: maintaining mealtimes, nap times, typical foods, nighttime routines, and comfort objects. Other strategies include verbally preparing your child for new situations or rehearsing social interactions together. When visiting a new home, ask permission of the host to take a short tour with your child, (e.g., “This is where the toys are, this is where the cat sleeps, here is where there is a bathroom,” etc.).

Familiarizing your child with a strange space can greatly reduce anxiety and increase ‘felt safety.’7 Also, consider just how much activity is realistic in a day or week. While it can be challenging to modify traditions based on what is doable at this stage, focus on the memories that you are able to build, even if that means less activity. Know that you have a lifetime ahead with your child to build memories!

More from this article: https://adoptioncouncil.org/publications/unwrap ping-opportunities-for-adoptive-families-duringthe-holidays/

In need of winter clothing?

ity v i Contact Project Bundle-up t c (412) 446-1640 a y Email, Victoria Gill: l i project.bundleup@use.salvationarmy.org fam