Ask an Expert Expat

from AWA Magazine Sept/Oct 2020 - Annual Issue

Hawker Centers

creating your own successful expat experience

ASK AN EXPERT EXPAT normally addresses our members’ real-life questions regarding the unique circumstances inherent in expat living. In this issue, Tanya Arler, a mindset coach, author and seasoned expat, shares her three mindset pillars of happy expat living: Attitude, Expectations and Identity. Framing these three pillars correctly can turn your expat overload into the adventure of a lifetime.

Attitude

You said "yes" to moving to another country, maybe uprooting your kids, to offer them a global perspective, so you’re a glass-half-full type. GREAT! When moving into uncharted territory, it’s important to be optimistic, but as the support pillar and emotional mainstay for your family members, your optimism can have its hazards. You might start to feel that if you aren’t "happy" you’re letting them down, so your default response to heartache becomes a positive comment, bordering on cliché. It’s okay to have a bad day. It is hard, sometimes, to acknowledge distress without putting a positive twist on it. But it can be just what your family needs to process things in their own way. Don’t become a pessimist; just leave some room for the raw emotion.

Expectations

Shakespeare said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.” I say expectations you didn’t know you had are the problem. "Back home" there were implied rules; McDonalds serves milkshakes, "on" and "off" are not verbs, ketchup and mustard are

Ketchup and mustard aren't always served here a pair. When you become an expat, subconscious expectations like these are challenged daily. Things are different, the rule book is changed. Since you weren’t even aware there was a rule book, this can cause frustration, sadness and anger. Next time you’re feeling this way, ask yourself; "Is this wrong? Or is this just different than I expected?" Quite often, the answer is the latter. If you can get your head around that, life as an expat gets a whole lot easier. Written by Tanya Arler Who needs a milkshake when you can have bubble tea? (Curious about what that is? See page 27).

Try looking at your situation from a different perspective

Identity

A common pitfall is the belief that replicating what you did back home will lead to the same sense of fulfilment and identity here. These don’t stem from what you do, but rather, from how you feel about what you do. If you can’t find familiar activities or feel disappointed by what’s even available, ask yourself what you got out of what you did. Did your rigorous gym schedule also give you a sense of friendship and belonging? Did your job offer routine and mental exercise? By taking a different perspective, you can open yourself up to a wealth of opportunities that you otherwise might have overlooked. There are many versions of you. This is your opportunity to discover a new one, so go for it and enjoy the adventure we call expat life!

Tanya is the author of UNPACK - A guide to life as an expat spouse, offering practical advice on navigating the staggering changes we face. Available at the AWA office, on Amazon and Kindle.