You're Not Alone... Really

By Andrea McKenna Brankin

Coping with the ups and downs of being an expat

Use Five Senses to Make Singapore Your “Home Away from Home”

We’re not going anywhere anytime soon. Dreams of scenes from the movie, “Mystic Pizza,” New England lobster rolls, Chicago Blues bars, sandy beach towels at Rhode Island beaches and fresh, hoppy beer at any-MLB-Ballpark are just that: Dreams. It’s been really hard this time around, our second year of NOT seeing our families and hometowns.

While many expats may be on temporary assignments, there are the long-term expats who share their prevailing attitude that “home is where the heart is.” Indeed, they’ve spent their whole lives, or a great portion of them, oscillating between pining for home and being super-happy to live the Singapore life.

In either case - a few years or many years - many people rely on the five senses of home to keep them grounded exactly where they are. Taste, scent, sound, sight and touch are effective substitutes when you put your mind in the right state. Some people get there in these ways:

TASTE

Familiar comfort foods rank high in the list of things people use to remind them of home. Londa uses favorite childhood recipes. Thea says cooking Grandma’s food helps her family feel like Grandma’s there with them: “I tend to cook a lot of food local to Hawaii."

SCENT

Emma uses a scented candle to conjure home. “I’ve been craving the Australian bush, so I’ve purchased a eucalyptus-scented candle. I don’t light it. I just have it out and stiff it occasionally.

SOUND

Hawaiian music also plays into Thea’s reminders of her home. “We listen to Hawaiian music a lot on the weekend with the kids. Thea adds that her family puts the music on here in an outdoor setting, just like they would at home in Hawaii. Emma evokes home by listening to Australian bush sounds on YouTube.

SIGHT

Amanda says organizing Zoom calls helps keep up the connection because her loved ones are visible to her. “My family always Zooms me in on special occasions with the rest of the family.” I myself look at a Facebook page with photos of my hometown of Mystic, Connecticut. Various birds, flowers, the Mystic River and even local people help me process my sense of longing. One time, an old photo of my father even showed up in the feed!

TOUCH

Perhaps the hardest sense to replace is that of touch: Hugging your aging Mom, cuddling your grandkids, high-fiving your childhood friend or even petting your dog who stayed behind are just not available to us right now. Care packages with “stuff from home” might fill a small gap, but overall, this is where dreams come in, as these are positive experiences that we can still look forward to. So, to all the ladies out there, stay grounded with what reminds you of home, and keep the dreams alive that we’ll get there soon.

Andrea runs the AWA Listen Ladies Group, providing confidential support for members at regular meetings. listenladies@awasingapore.org

Andrea McKenna Brankin