AVESSA Magazine - Accept & Embrace | Nov/21 - Year II - Vol 18-A

Nov/21 Year II, Vol. 18-A

ACCEPT & EMBRACE

IN THIS ISSUE

NATASHA TABUNOVA ALFONSO DE HOYOS-ACOSTA CHRISTEN GATES WALL KSENIA SHARONOVA

KRELWEAR.COM @KRELWEAR

NOW AVAIL ABL E AT AV ESSABAZ AAR .COM

www.ku-den.jp

E XCL U SIVELY AVAILABLE AT AVESSABAZAAR.C OM

E XCL U SIVELY AVAILABLE AT AVESSABAZAAR.C OM

LUISAPONTEATELIER.COM @LUISAPONTEATELIER

B A L I AW E A R . C O M | @ B A L I AW E A R

the ROPE project

by Lisu Vega

WEARABLE ROPE SCULPTURE

lisuvega.com

Natural materials and responsible manufacturing meet a strong, classic and modern identity.

pisla.co

NOV/2021 030

OBJECTS OF DESIRE

by Carlos Marrero

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R E U S E . R E S I S T.

by Ksenia Sharonova

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R U N WAY R E P O RT E R : B R A Z I L FA S H I O N F O R U M 2 0 2 1

by Karo Delgobbo

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F E AT U R E S T O R Y: AC C E P T & E M B R AC E

by Mena Lombard and Alfonso de Hoyos-Acosta; featuring Natasha Tabunova

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T H E U LT R A - FA S T K I L L I N G H A N D

by Alfonso de Hoyos-Acosta, styled by Ksenia Sharonova

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T O K YO T H R I F T

by Erika Ishibashi and Women of the Earth

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M U S É E Y V E S S A I N T L AU R E N T

by Mena Lombard

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FA L L I N G I N L I K E

by Alfonso de Hoyos-Acosta

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T H E FAC E O F VA L U E

by Ibtissam El Azami

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DUNE

by Christen Gates Wall

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Z O D I AC : S C O R P I O

by Manish Arora

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F O R G I V I N G I S G O D’ S B U S I N E S S

by Virginia Mayer

P H OTO C R E D I T S FA S H I O N D E S I G N E R & S T Y L I S T: NATA S H A TA BU N OVA MODEL: BRANDO LOPEZ H A I R & M A K E - U P A RT I S T: A R AC E L I B R AVO P H OTO G R A P H E R : F L Á V I O I RYO DA

editor’s letter

I

T’S IMPRESSIVE TO SEE HOW the magazine is evolving into a quite opinionated and more profound vehicle to give life to our voices. I always believed in creating something different, a free space where not only fashion, but broader ideas could be freely discussed, without any pre-conceptions. Sometimes themes come organically; others require much more planning and thoughtful analysis.

This theme started with a conversation with a model who I also consider a friend - we created this whole concept to tell his story while conveying a message of acceptance, tolerance, and love. I was extremely excited not only for the intense idea but for everything we could create through fashion. Weeks passed by, and I realized that the puzzle pieces were not fitting together due to some unfortunate personal problems that our key talent was going through. While I try to do my best for weeks, I realize that I am unable to change the course of the situation.

You might know me by now: I rarely give up. I insist on trying to find a viable solution with no success, and that drives me completely insane. After multiple attempts and lengthy discussions with the production team, they open my eyes: the Acceptance issue is also a lesson for me. We quickly regrouped to make it happen as many of our Editors already had their materials ready for the theme. You can guess the end by now - we made it. I have respected and (partially) accepted the situation. But a broader lesson to me is that no matter what, we are all replaceable in this life. Embrace it.

O N T H E C OV E R FA S H I O N D E S I G N E R & S T Y L I S T: NATA S H A TA BU N OVA MODEL: BRANDO LOPEZ H A I R & M A K E - U P A RT I S T: A R AC E L I B R AVO P H OTO G R A P H E R : F L Á V I O I RYO DA

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FLÁVIO IRYODA Editor-in-Chief

The same creativity that sets you apart can make you part of our creative community. And if you are passionate about Fashion, Miami International University of Art & Design is the place to be.

We'll help you turn your love of Fashion into the pursuit of a career that loves you back.

THE EDUCATION IS HANDS-ON. THE FUTURE IS WIDE OPEN.

We offer a range of associate and bachelor's degree programs including Fashion Design, Fashion Merchandising & Accessory Design. You'll learn by doing-applying the same talent, tools, and techniques used in the industry

Where will your passion take you? Find out.

WWW.MYMIU.EDU AIMIUinternational@aii.edu 1.305.428.5903 Miami International University of Art & Design is one of The Art Institutes, a system of schools throughout the United States. Programs, credential levels, technology, and scheduling options vary by school and are subject to change. Not all programs are available to residents of all U.S. states. 1501 Biscayne Blvd., Ste. 100, Miami, FL 33132. © 2021.

The Arts Institutes International LLC. All rights reserved.

OUR TEAM OF MENA LOMBARD

KARO DELGOBBO

@dehoyosa

@karodelgobbo

Fashion Designer and Professor, Mena believes that fashion completely transcends the surface and the most important is how one feels rather than anything else. Fashion is really about how empowered one becomes by it.

She channels vibrant flares of vintage fashion and dreams of contemporary twists, inspired by her own life and travels.

Recovering from an obsession with Italiandesigned menswear, Alfonso decided to take a deeper look into women’s fashion to see how our relationship with clothes has changed. Educated as an economist with an MBA, he is traveling between Chicago, Miami and Mexico on a search to see what happens next to fashion.

A true fashion passionate, Karo is a fashion runway coordinator, fashion buyer, fashion producer, magazine editor and entrepreneur. She approaches fashion in an innovative manner, where luxury brands are mixed with everyday basic pieces, transforming into a fresh, bold and powerful statement, fulfilling one’s heart and soul.

CARLOS MARRERO

VIRGINIA MAYER

Widely recognized for his tongue-in-cheek and informed critiques of the fashion, beauty and entertainment industry, Carlos is a seasoned fashion illustrator, host of TRENDENCIAS and fashion designer of Marrero Collection - a compilation of alluring statement pieces designed for the fashionista looking for unique fashion items.

Upon learning writers are artists, Virginia wrote a novel called Polaroids and a bunch of stories and opinion pieces published in Colombia, thus becoming an author. She now writes shows with her duo, teaches creative writing and lives with her cat Mandela in Key Biscayne while she falls in love with Miami.

@camarrero

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ALFONSO DE HOYOS

@menalombard

| NOVEMBER 2021

IBTISSAM EL AZAMI

@theburnoutbrand

Ibtissam, aka Azami or The Burn Out Brand in make-up artistry, is a fashion make-up artist, content and copywriter, and a social media manager. Her attention for detail allows for unique works of art, focused on finesse and graphic shapes. After the conquest of Paris and London, she is now in Rome, where she lets the sun inspire her day in and day out.

contributors

ERIKA ISHIBASHI

KSENIA SHARONOVA

CHRISTEN GATES WALL

@erika_opie

@sharons_style

@cmg925

After graduating with honors, she moved permanently to Tokyo. Not only is Erika a finalist for Miss Earth Tokyo 2020 but she is also one of the founders for Women of the Earth, a group of women who tackle environmental and social issues in Japan. Erika has also a strong passion for the environment, animal rights and skin positivity.

Ksenia Sharonova, Russian born fashion stylist and costume designer based in Moscow.

For almost 10 years of Ksenia’s career, she managed to work with Cosmopolitan magazine, taking part in dozens of commercials for global brands and styling not only Russian but also worldwide celebrities and stars, including Lady Gaga.

Pioneering the subtle art of getting noticed for originality in fashion, Christen and her husband Joe built a brand that offers a sophisticated approach to confronting friction between conservative and liberal American ideals. Through their original fine jewelry designs they reveal more about what we have in common than different.

@manishastrologer

MANISH ARORA

@beyond.the

NATASHA TABUNOVA

AGATHE DAMAS-HOTTINGUER

Renowned KP Astrologer, Numerologist, Tarot Reader Vastu Consultant. He has been rendering professional advice to clients with a high degree of success. He has been conferred with the title of Jyotish Varahamihir and Jyotish Aryabhatt. Manish has been writing monthly astrological columns for 40+ international magazines.

Natasha has been surrounded by art since her early years in Belarus, creating art and fashion since her early years with limited resources, zero knowledge, and much energy and passion. Her dream to become a Costume Designer came to life after graduation. She believes fashion is an endless field for playing games, especially if you like breaking rules.

Since she was a young girl, Agathe became committed to her love of fashion. In primary school she ravenously read critiques of fashion shows and dreamed of writing her own take on the styles and looks presented across the world. Although never formally trained in fashion design, Agathe realized she was destined for fashion.

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EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Flávio Iryoda ASSISTANT TO EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Angélique Salcedo EDITORS Fashion & Opinion Mena Lombard Alfonso de Hoyos-Acosta Ibtissam El Azami Virginia Mayer Erika Ishibashi Karo Delgobbo Juanita Crary Product Carlos Marrero Cinema Christen Gates Wall Travel Tamara Almeida Zodiac Manish Arora

DIGITAL

Available year-round at avessamag.com

PRINT

We are now printing in small batches.

Contact us if you’re interested!

On-demand printing, worldwide delivered at www.magcloud.com/user/avessa.

CONTACT US

Questions or comments? info@avessamag.com

Associate Producers Karo Delgobbo Carlos Pardo Natasha Tabunova Reviewer Alfonso de Hoyos-Acosta Art Director Flávio Iryoda Sales Flávio Iryoda Giu Brandão

CONSUMER SERVICES

AVESSA Magazine is a bi-monthly digital and print on-demand publication focused on fashion, lifestyle and empowerment for the independent and contemporary woman. Founded in early 2019 with main operations in Miami, FL (Brickell) and a wide network of collaborators distributed across the globe.

PUBLISHER AVESSA Media Group LLC Brickell - Miami, FL 33130 United States of America

A PROUD MEMBER OF

© 2021 AVESSA Media Group LLC, a Florida limited liability corporation. All rights reserved.

The information contained herein is of a general nature and is not intended to address the circumstances of any particular individual or entity. Although we endeavor to provide accurate and timely information, there can be no guarantee that such information is accurate as of the date it is received or that it will continue to be accurate in the future.

No one should act on such information without appropriate professional advice after a through examination of the particular situation.

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KIKI L E T ’ S H AV E A

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7 1. Tatiana Zabora @tatiana_zabora, curator at Miami’s oddest Odds Concept @oddsconcept.

6. She’s our fav! Mili Rottjer @mili_rottjer.

11. Fashion Stylist Jean Pierre Godineaux @ jpgodineaux enjoying a tropical Halloween.

7. The most infamous AVESSA duo: Editor Alfonso de Hoyos-Acosta @dehoyosa and Fashion Stylist and Professor Juanita Crary @ juaniavi.

12. Our main star of the night Mena Lombard @menalombard celebrating her AVESSA issue with her husband Pablo.

8. The Fashion Institue of Shouth Florida @ thefashioninstitutesfl Director Rucht D’OleoSchwartz.

13. Our newest Cinema Editor Christen Gates Wall and jewelry designer Joe Wall from @ joewalldesign.

4. Always an honor to be with the iconic Charlene Parsons. Thank YOU so much!

9. Mena Lombard’s close friend Patricia Mato.

14. Silvia Barral and Jose Sabaté.

5. Fashion Designer Viviana Gabeiras from Petit Pois @petitpoisbyvivianag.

10. Hair & Make-up Artist Macarena Darsie @ macadarsie.

15. Brothers Todd and Randall Winston.

2. Celebrity Hairstylist Ashly Alvarez @ ashlyshands.

3. Nicholas Moncada and Fashion Group International South Florida Regional Director Elsa Berman.

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16. Phil Tieman along with our dear Hair & Make-up Artist Araceli Bravo @aracelibravoartistry.

17. Ana Barragan and Roberto Gonzalez.

18. David Diaz @followdaviddiaz and his secret friend.

19. The lovely models Vanessa Velasquez @ vanevelasquez1, Wiola Gaida @wiolagaida and Shu Lin Yao @shulinsta. Have you seen Wiola in our previous issue?

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objects of desire

EYESHADOW PALETTE BYREDO: The Eyeshadow 5 colours feature five pressed-powders utilising three different finishes; matte, metallic and ultra-glitter. $70 / saksfifthavenue.com

INTENSE MOISTURE FORMULA BIODROGA: Intense Moisture Formula is a “break-through” in hydration. Therefore it’s considered an ultimate product for hydrating moisture-deficient skin.

It penetrates deep into the skin and restores moisture. As a result, your face will feeling hydrated all day. Use Biodroga Intense Moisture Formula day and night. $58 / bellareinaspa.com

BEYOND THANKFUL There’s always something to be thankful for

BY CARLOS MARRERO

PADLOCK EMBELLISHED SUEDE KNEE BOOTS TOM FORD: The boots have a sharp point-toe stiletto silhouette that’s sleek and sultry. They’re made from suede and detailed with the brand’s signature gilded padlock attached to a strap that wraps around the ankle. $2,317 / net-a-porter.com

CAFECITO CANDLE 305 CANDLES: Lifts your energy and surrounds you in delicious notes of roasted coffee beans, cocoa and vanilla cream.

Paraben-free and nestled in a premium, iconic box. Also available in diffuser. $49 / 305candles.com / @305_candles

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DUBLIN MARTINI SHAKER GODINGER: Clear, Godinger Dublin crystal martini shaker. Lead Free Crystal.

Capacity:17oz. $40 / neimanmarcus.com

EAU DE PARFUM VALENTINO: Donna Born in Roma Yellow Dream. A fresh floral perfume for women twisting energetic Italian lemon with sensual Damascan rose and white musk to create a vivid and luminous fragrance. 3.3 oz. $135 / neimanmarcus.com

MICHAEL O’NEILL. ON YOGA. THE ARCHITECTURE OF PEACE TASCHEN: Explore the story of yoga through the lens of Michael O’Neill, the photographer and yogi who spent a decade traversing America and India to capture the essence of yoga and the most influential yogis of our time. With stories from his travels & essays by meditation master H. H. Swami Chidanand Saraswatiji. $40.00 / neighborhoodgoods.com

COFFEE CAKE HAND & BODY LOTION BYRD APOTHECARY: With notes of coffee, cinnamon and brown sugar. Byrd Apothecary Coffee Cake Hand & Body Lotion - with Shea, Cocoa Butter & Aloe smells so delicious! $15 / byrdapothecary.com

SMALL SHEARLING TOTE CHLOÉ: Crafted from fuzzy shearling that’s so soft and huggable. It’s trimmed with logo-detailed webbing and reinforced with brown leather to hold its shape. Use it on days when you have more than the essentials to carry. $1,690 / bloomingdales.com

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virgin.vntg

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REUSE. RESIST.

BY KSENIA SHARONOVA

Stylist, costume designer, and founder of Moscow vintage store “Virgin.vntg”, Ksenia tells us why you should wear vintage clothes and not be afraid to customize them yourself.

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T IS 2021. WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE SOCIETY AND media dictate to us how to look, what to eat, what to buy, where to travel, and so on. In this thoughtless pursuit of brands, new gadgets, and trendy clothes, we often risk losing our individuality and becoming faceless dolls stamped by the mass market.

I have always loved having something unusual in my wardrobe. To find that unique look, I constantly searched through all my mother’s and grandmother’s closets. Also, since childhood, I found that my best inspiration for unique looks were French and Hollywood movies. In the early 2000s, when the film “Amélie” was released, I looked for clothes like the main character’s, and I also cut my hair to look like her. Many people chase brands and give their last cent for a bag or pair of sneakers with their adored, sought-after label. But these people are missing one crucial point. You don’t have to spend millions to look stylish!

Finally, interest in vintage has gained momentum and became popular worldwide - now these are not “old, strange-smelling things,” but objects that adherents of non-trivial shopping happily hunt for. Well, let’s see why it’s worth abandoning mass-market consumption in favor of clothes with a history.

First, vintage clothes are always unique. The chance of meeting a person in the street with the exact same piece is close to zero. Secondly, it is environmentally friendly. Today, more and more talk about the damage that the clothing industry is doing to the environment. The problem of overproduction is extremely acute now - 80 billion units of new clothes are bought annually in the world, which is 400% more than two decades ago. At the same time, most of these clothes sadly end up in garbage dumps The question arises: since we have inherited so many cool things from the past, why buy new things that you want to get rid of by the next season or that will simply become unusable in a couple of months? At the same time, the word “old” refers to their age rather than to their visual quality - it is quite possible to find vintage items with tags still attached, which have never been worn by anyone before. By giving new life to these clothes in your wardrobe, you (at least partially) can break the vicious cycle of production and consumption - especially considering the fact that 20-30 years ago this process was much more humane.

I often modify pieces for myself, both vintage and modern, which are either boring or forgotten in the back of my closet. In my atelier, I have a lot of leather jackets, denim clothes, and T-shirts, which I have cut and dyed. I have also updated many of these items with newer, brighter linings. Tired of your leather jacket? Give it to an artist you know to paint or decorate with metallic studs in the best traditions of punk culture. Dig into your dad’s wardrobe; for sure, there is an excellent jacket that will fit you in an oversized aesthetic and will look fantastic. Feel free to experiment. Cut, paint, and sew on to different parts of these clothes. I really adhere to the words of Travis Barker, drummer for Blink-182, “I never dressed to show that I earn a lot. I will never stop being myself just for the sake of getting something, and I will break all stereotypes.”

ON THE LEFT C O M P L E T E U S T R I F T S TO R E L O O K T H I S PA G E C L O C K W I S E K S E N I A’ S M O M D R E S S F RO M T H E 8 0 S M E N ’ S 7 0 S B L A Z E R F O U N D I N L O N D O N T H R I F T S TO R E A N D 8 0 S LEE JEANS FOUND IN LOS ANGELES 9 0 S C A LV I N K L E I N S U N G L A S S E S A N D 8 0 S B L AC K L E AT H E R C OAT V I N TAG E T- S H I RT F RO M A M E R I C A N F L E A M A R K E T V I N TAG E S OV I E T R E D L E AT H E R JAC K E T F RO M 8 0 S V I N TAG E D R E S S W I T H D E N I M C O R S E T V I N TAG E A N I M A L P R I N T FAU X F U R C OAT F O U N D O N E BAY

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runway reporter: brazil fashion forum 2021

P H OTO C O U RT E S Y B R A Z I L FA S H I O N F O RU M P H OTO G R A P H Y B Y S I M O N S O O N G

MIRACLES IN MOTION

BY KARO DELGOBBO

M

ARTHA MEDEIROS IS A STYList who is famous for valuing and promoting northeastern Brazilian crafts. She created the “Azul Milagres” brand so that people all over the globe can sense the energy

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and see the beauty of the of the local beaches which are as close to paradise as you can get. Her “Casa Martha Medeiros” is in São Miguel dos Milagres, in Alagoas. Martha states that the unique shades of blue tourmaline, the native coconut trees and one of the largest barrier reefs in the world were her natural inspirations for the collection colors that weave through her beautiful garments.

Martha Medeiros’ creations all share common characteristics: extremely practical clothes, easy to live in, light breezy fabrics with no buttons or zippers that, exude comfort. The jewelry

is rich in detail and made using shells and corals based on a regional handcrafted aesthetic. Milagres also uses lace throughout her collection such as the coal prints, the FILÉ lace which is typical of the region, and the Renaissance lace print. Martha showed us dresses that flowed and contoured to the body, kimonos, and a variety of skirts. Finally, no collection inspired by the gorgeous beaches of her hometown could resist showing us richly embroidered bikinis and bathing suits and accessories that should be considered as unique art as well as beautiful clothes.

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runway reporter: brazil fashion forum 2021

ART TO WEAR

BY KARO DELGOBBO

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HE NEW LISU VEGA COLLECtion continues her exploration of wearable art. Lisu has always been known as a multidisciplinary artist, but she is also a fascinating designer that can completely overwhelm you with her creativity. In this collection Lisu explores 100% sustainable designs that focus on separate pieces of art that can be layered on other clothes or just the body itself. She has delivered beautiful clothes that highlight femininity and play with different fabric textures which at the same time look complex but utterly natural. Lisu explores using the rope as a piece of clothing and integrating this rope with separates to create a unified but customized outfit. The rest of the collection is composed of blazers, dresses made of surplus fabrics, adjustable pants, recycled semi-leather tops and sculptural rope dresses. The majority of Lisu’s pieces look fitted and crisp, but they are also adjustable for any woman’s shape. Her Rope Project maintains her focus on sustainability upcycling. For Lisu it has always been important to highlight the breakdown of body stereotypes as well as using art as fashion. Lisu’s designs utilize a person’s body as a canvas where gorgeously hued and intricate ropes intertwine with traditional daywear. The beauty of this collection is that the rope art can be used as individually unique pieces that encircle your body with an organic flair.

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P H OTO C O U RT E S Y B R A Z I L FA S H I O N F O RU M P H OTO G R A P H Y B Y S I M O N S O O N G

NOVEMBER 2021 |

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runway reporter: brazil fashion forum 2021

G THE

URBAN BEACH

BY KARO DELGOBBO

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ALLERIST’S IN-HOUSE BRAND BRINGS us beachwear that travels between sand and the city. These designs were inspired by Brazilian women and, through its aesthetic, can translate strength into simplicity. The collection mixes clothes and accessories that embrace a relaxed, contemporary style combining natural fibers, such as linen, cotton, cambric, and resin ornaments. Denis Cassou created the Linen Summer 2022 collection and was inspired by what she experienced during the pandemic period of isolation. Her house became a refuge, and she began to inhabit it as a force to assist her in

the creation of this collection. Elements of her daily life such as her walks around the nearby lake where everyday life became poetry, and nature surrounding her became the protagonist of her inspiration. Summer 22 is a collection that talks about the power of creation. Creation is enabled by our homes, and for Denise, “Whoever creates is never alone”.

The result is that her contemplations are translated into clothing families: Shadows, Hedgehog, Egret, Deep Sea and Mother of Pearl. Each clothing family refers to a phase of her isolation that was infused by elements seen or felt by Denise inside her house.

P H OTO C O U RT E S Y B R A Z I L FA S H I O N F O RU M P H OTO G R A P H Y B Y S I M O N S O O N G

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10 CELEBRATING

GENUINE YEARS

BY KARO DELGOBBO

J

ULIANA SANMARTIN CALLED her collection “A Journey through the Seven Seas”.

Splendid sunsets on the beach and the endless richness of oceanic blue inspired her color palette.

Her clothes mimic the rhythm of the ocean waves as it transitions into ripples on the shore. Juliana’s strategic details in her collection are fundamentally inspired by marine clothing. With refences to brightly colored and boldly designed yachts filled with beautiful young things, the collection provides a vision that is reminiscent of the golden age of ocean liners. Its exclusive line of premium leather blends itself with knitted spandex and is represented by classically designed pants, dresses, tops, and jackets. A specific highlight of the collection is a handmade graphite jacket, inspired by Rio de Janeiro, to commemorate the brand’s 10 years.

P H OTO C O U RT E S Y B R A Z I L FA S H I O N F O RU M P H OTO G R A P H Y B Y S I M O N S O O N G

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N OW AVAI L AB L E AT AV E S S AB AZAAR.C O M

feature story

ACCEPT & EMBRACE The idea of acceptance is so easy for any of us to declare and feel proud of. But there is more to it than simply acting as if “some of my best friends are black, gay, trans, Muslim people”. We need to look inside ourselves and see what is underlying the public persona. It is not that easy, but if you do not understand both the good and the bad within you, you cannot reasonably accept others.

STORIES BY MENA LOMBARD A L F O N S O D E H O Y O S - A C O S TA INTRO BY FLÁVIO IRYODA FASHION DESIGNER & STYLIST N ATA S H A TA B U N O VA MODEL BRANDO LOPEZ HAIR & MAKE-UP ARTIST A R A C E L I B R AV O PHOTOGRAPHER FLÁVIO IRYODA

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To accept or not to accept? I think Hamlet should have answered that question first and the later “slings and arrows” would not have created a tragedy. It is a question that I recently asked myself. I am the oldest of three, and I can tell you that it was not easy growing up in Brazil, the land of all-year-round warm temperatures, majestic beaches, carnival, and samba. To begin with, I was born in the semidesertic mid-west of Brazil, where there was simply nothing to do. Literally. On top of it, my parents were extremely strict with us, as their experience of adapting to a Latin American country was extremely challenging for their Japanese background. Looking back, I get their strictness. They were training us to do our best regardless of the situation. They just did it the only way they knew how to.

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feature story

AS I LOOKED INSIDE AND OPENED UP MYSELF, I ASKED MY EDITORS TO DO THE SAME. THEY ALL HAVE DIVERSE WAYS OF EXPRESSING THEMSELVES, SOME OF THE TEAM CAN OPENLY AND EASILY DISCUSS THEIR SPECIFIC HAPPINESS, RAGE, OR SADNESS WHILE OTHERS NEED TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES IN HUMOR OR FANTASY. THE FOLLOWING SHORT STORIES PROVIDE INSIGHT INTO HOW TWO OF MY TEAM MEMBERS THINK ABOUT ACCEPTING THEMSELVES AND OTHERS. THEY MAY ATTEMPT TO USE FICTION TO DRAPE THEIR EMOTIONS FROM VIEW, BUT IT IS CLEAR WE ALL HAVE A COMMON BELIEF THAT LOOKING INSIDE OURSELVES IS ESSENTIAL TO ANY FORM OF ACCEPTANCE.

I was pushed to my limits by my parents, and I finished a 5-year engineering degree in 4 years. No rest for the wicked. I still remember the first time I ever went out on a weekday. On a Tuesday, during graduation week, at 22 years old, it was the first time I had no studying to do. I can still see it in my mind; I was there with my friends, celebrating our “freedom”, and I was doing it for the first time ever as a graduated engineer. I get it; all that discipline has built me into the man I am today, and I do not have any traumas or regrets.

I am not religious, but I believe in a spirituality that leads us to become a better version of ourselves. More importantly, I put my beliefs into practice daily. But sometimes, even when you do everything you are supposed to do, there are still so many factors outside your control. And even though I strive always to do my best, outcomes may not be what I expect. I know that setting expectations beforehand is essential for me, but sometimes things don’t go as planned no matter what.

Sometimes it’s quite a disaster.

Perhaps I did not think of all the variables, maybe the approach was not well designed, it might not have been the right time, or the stars were not aligned, who knows. When those situations arise, I have a hard time accepting them.

Although I was programmed to do my best to get the best result, it’s a painful journey to accept when things don’t go out as expected.

And it only gets worst when the unmet expectations are love related. When that hap-

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pens, feelings come into play and tear apart all your structured, logical approach. Your best efforts or logic are useless in these situations because it is impossible to predict or control feelings. Especially when that person shows the selfish side, I am sure there won’t be any type of undertanding, acceptance or whatsoever. But I am still looking inside myself and learning to accept that.

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feature story

YOU NOT ME

BY MENA LOMBARD

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AM DRIVING SO EXCITEDLY TO SEE HER. HAVING your best friend living so far away is hard, even today when communication is so easy, and technology makes distances shorter. I called the restaurant to tell them I was almost there. “No worries,” the hostess replied. “Your friend is at the table, and a waiter is handing her a glass of wine as we speak, just like you requested.” I thanked her. I hate that I am running late to meet her. This dinner had been scheduled for over a month; both of us blocked the entire evening immediately after she got her plane ticket, and I have been counting the hours since her plane landed this morning. Our plans for tonight are simple: we will be having dinner at one of our favorite spots, catching up over Italian food and drinks, until the sun rises again. Everything had been organized for weeks, and I can’t wait to get there.

Lola moved to Los Angeles the same month I got my new job, and so we both have so much to tell the other. Not that we haven’t in these past four months, but again, although technology helps, it is not the same. I get to the restaurant as fast as possible, and as soon as she sees me, she waves with a happy and relaxed smile on her face. I can see that she looks a bit thinner, and her hair is longer. We hugged while laughing out loud, smiling ear to ear. “Why did it take you so long?” she said. “Is Brian going to ruin this dinner as well?.” “Absolutely not,” I answer. “I’m not going to let him.”

Lola has been listening to my growing complaints about my new boss Brian for the past couple of months. I love my job and everything it entails; I even love my not-so-perfect salary because of the prospects this professional experience can mean for my future. I love it all, except him. Ever since I started, he has been a constant pain, controlling every little thing I do. “Tell me,” she said with a wicked smile.

“What did he do today?.” “It’s the same annoying stuff,” I answered. “I think that deep down he wants to do my job and not his.” Lola burst out in laughter.

“Marry him, and he will ignore you completely,” she said sarcastically. “Not even if he was the last man on the face of this planet,” I snapped back. Lola adores mixing love and business.

Every time I try to understand Brian, I fail miserably.

It drives me crazy that he micromanages everything I do and that he must take over every little detail and every single decision. I truly thought that someone referred to as a “manager” would be able to manage people, talent, but above all, ambiguity. Isn’t it risk supposed to be part of the job description and part of the thrill? I get the fact that I am new and young.

I understand that this role is unexplored territory for him. But at some point, you need to be able to let go of the control and trust, right? I cannot tolerate people that are so controlling. It makes them rigid. Overcontrol is hard to manage but, moreover, hard to live with. The controlling person feels no difficulty in

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this situation; the unease is mostly for those around him. “Why is that?” Lola asked, reading my mind as she always does. I looked back at her. “Why is what?”

I asked back. “Why is it that you cannot tolerate him being a control freak? Why does it bother you so much?.” I sighed in frustration. “I hate controlling people,” I replied. “They are hard to deal with and impossible to convince. Being so controlling becomes a horrible obstacle. Control is good only in the right dose. Too little control, and things go crazy.

Too much control and things become static. The secret is navigating, not being dragged by the current, and not being stuck on an island. It is a balance...” “I agree,” she said. “I agree with everything you said. It is just strange that you cannot stand his control when you are such a control freak yourself.” I looked at her in disbelief. “Excuse me?!?!” I replied, half surprised, half hurt, “I am no control freak. And more importantly, I am nothing like Brian.” “I am not saying you are like him,” she said smiling. “What I am saying is that it is surprising that the trait that bothers you more about him is a trait you both share.” At this statement, I am point-blank hurt. Here I am with my best friend, opening myself up to what has been a constant problem for me the past few months, and Lola is sitting across the table, oversimplifying my problem, and turning it against me in her new Californian-sunshine-kissed way. “Oh, please, don’t give me that look!” she said with a laugh. “Are you going to imply one more time that you are not controlling?.” I am so shocked I can’t answer back, and she realizes how puzzled I am. Her eyes softened, and she grabbed my hand. “I love you more than anything in this world. And when I say I love you, I mean it truly. I love you, just as you are.” “Don’t get all Bridget Jones on me,” I snapped back, letting go of her hand. She laughed, and she

grabbed both of my hands. “As I said, I love you. I love you with all the good and the bad. I love you because of all your positives and despite all your negatives because you are a combination of them. I know what you are. And one of those things is that you are controlling.” I want to let go of her hand and slap her.

“I am not controlling. I am organized,” I snarled, and she replied with an annoying and exaggerated sigh.

“Listen,” she said, “who was on the phone telling me what to do when I purchased my ticket? Who chose this restaurant and made the reservation? Who called to let me know you were running late and made the waiter bring me this glass of wine? You like to have everything under control, and it’s fine. It is the way you are. I can live with your control.

The question is, can YOU live with it? I honestly believe what drives you crazy about him is not how controlling he is but the fact that he is taking your control away from you”. I feel like a train just hit me, and then a truck run me over. I am just looking at her, not being able to speak. “Have you considered the possibility of accepting the fact that you are as controlling as Brian and that is why you find it so hard to deal with him?” she asked. I look down at her hands, holding both of mine. I look back at her, and I can see so much love, understanding, and acceptance in her eyes. And it hit me. Maybe the way of accepting Brian’s defects is accepting my own first. Probably and most surely, it is the only way. I take a deep breath, and I see that she is smiling back. “When did you realize all of this nonsense?”

I asked, frowning at her. “The very first time you told me about him,” she said, sipping from her glass. “I just had to say it to your face and make sure you would not hang up the phone on me. You are a control freak, but you certainly are terrible at controlling what you know about yourself.”

I LOOK BACK AT HER, AND I CAN SEE SO MUCH LOVE, UNDERSTANDING, AND ACCEPTANCE IN HER EYES. AND IT HIT ME. MAYBE THE WAY OF ACCEPTING BRIAN’S DEFECTS IS ACCEPTING MY OWN FIRST.

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BREAKING MY ILLUSIONS

BY ALFONSO DE HOYOS-ACOSTA

What’s Wrong with Cruelty? Where’s The Love?

Balancing the internal and external perceptions of ourselves can be fraught with anguish. Looking inwards requires skepticism otherwise opportunities are left untouched.

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TRIED TO BE AS QUIET AS POSSIBLE ENtering the house. I had a disturbing dinner with my boyfriend Allan, he insulted me?!? He said, “Cameron you are a condescending fuck who judges everyone else but yourself…. you’ll end up alone!”.

Who me? What the hell, I admit I love to be outrageous, and I repeatedly push past my sexual and conceited boundaries. I totally understand who I am, and I will not be alone!! But?? I am, after replaying Allan’s words in my mind, doubting myself now. I mean, I suspected that my mom has been a little disappointed in me lately. She and Allan want me to be less loud, kinder, more accepting of other people. I just don’t understand what they are talking about, I am as liberal minded as can be. I look at the world and totally accept most of these shit-munchers. I have friends and acquaintances that resemble a rainbow of races and sexuality. People love having me around and Allan loves me. I know he does.

But sitting here in the dark, I started to consider that in the past year although many of my actions have been deeply pleasurable, I may have been cruel and just maybe more selfish? My mom made it clear that I have reached new depths in depravity. Nonetheless, I love her, she is an amazing woman that is not only kind but also forgiving. Lately it has been hard for me to be with her, I hate seeing that disheartened look in her eye. I love having fun and it’s not reasonable for me to act the way she does. There are so many new opportunities and sensations available to me now. Culture and community are not as restrictive as it was 20 years ago, and I want to take advantage of it.

Before Allan, I met this sexy surfer-boy, Chaiyo, from Thailand. Chaiyo was, like all my past toys, extremely pretty but he surpassed all others with almost incredible

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levels of child-like naiveté and stupidity. Chaiyo was exceptionally happy go-lucky and had absolutely no sense whatsoever. Periodically charlatans from Europe or China would convince him to travel and try his luck as a print model or even reality television. Chaiyo was certainly attractive enough and he has occasionally modeled in Thailand for lightly pornographic magazines.

But so many people in his industry wanted to use Chaiyo sexually and for only the most threadbare of opportunities. The last straw in our relationship

BUT SITTING HERE IN THE DARK, I STARTED TO CONSIDER THAT IN THE PAST YEAR ALTHOUGH MANY OF MY ACTIONS HAVE BEEN DEEPLY PLEASURABLE, I MAY HAVE BEEN CRUEL AND JUST MAYBE MORE SELFISH? was when I received a call from Chaiyo to help him when he was stuck in Spain after being fooled yet again by another would-be agent. I mean seriously, I may have been a bit of a marshmallow with Chaiyo, but I certainly was not going to help this lovely but stupid boy. I laughed in his face and hung up. Looking back, I know I hurt him and now looking deeper inside myself I could still feel a frisson of excitement at what I did. This finally raises the prospect that I am truly evil. I don’t want to be that way. I know that there are pieces of me that I do not want to change, even if it upsets my family and boyfriend. But I am starting to see there are pieces of me that embarrass me.

I keep thinking back to Allan. I met him one warm, orange-tinged afternoon last year at my club. Allan is a 24-year-old, six-foot one-inch-tall tennis instructor with beautiful green eyes and Justin Timberlake curls. He is extremely athletic with a very pretty body and that afternoon he pushed me extremely hard at playing tennis.

We played for two hours on the green clay courts as the sun was setting. I tried not to embarrass my pervious instructors but, in the end, I grimly held

on to be trounced by Allan in the everrising dust. There were gin and tonics served during rest breaks, which were all too brief, and during the breaks I flirted with Alan. My friends rolled their eyes when they heard this story, I reminded them to please remember that I love to flirt with everyone: men and women. This is not a skill that should be attempted by children or ingénues since there is a certain talent involved to prevent getting my ass kicked up down the street. Well, to my surprise, Alan flirted back and asked if I wanted to go to his place for dinner. I thought for a few nanoseconds, not of rejecting the offer, but if my underwear was clean and said yes. We have been together ever since. Alan is a sweet guy who has supported my mom in to trying to make me a better person. But it has been hard. Sometimes I regress and act atrociously.

I keep asking myself why do I care what my mom and Allan think? Although my mother is old school in the way she thinks about relationships as well as being polite and respectful to any gomer that walks the streets, she isn’t toxic. I mean my mom has never overreacted to my craziness nor has she ever demanded that I change the way I treat my love life. She respects my boundaries and loves to be proud of me whenever she gets the chance. But I can tell she frets about me; she loves me and isn’t sure the way I have been acting will let me be happy in the long run. It drives me batshit! She’s so nice and reasonable and I have retreated from her, and I know this has hurt her.

I keep asking myself tonight why I am doing this? I suspect it’s because I don’t want to admit that maybe… just maybe I have crossed the line into being an asshole. I have never been an angel not since I was hurt by all the gossip about me when I was younger, and I first discovered that I loved sex and being desired. My aggressive personality went into immediate attack mode.

If someone insulted me behind my back? I would taunt them with my vicious comments on their own lives until they cried. There is no feeling as supremely satisfying as when you make a gossipy sneak back off and make it clear to everyone that I would never be bullied. Tonight though, I am thinking

all that my quiet, sweet mom wants from me is to talk. Not about anything in particular, I think she just wants me to be around more and maybe share with her on what I am up to. She is a lovely person, a fitting example to anyone. Which is why I am sitting here feeling awkward and guilty. My mom is not making me feel guilty, I am making myself feel guilty because I am underestimating myself and purposely undermining myself. I want to talk with her more not only because I love her but because I need to better understand myself. Who better than the woman who gave me light? Right?

Allan has gotten to know my mom pretty well and I love how they sit around our red aluminum kitchen table, slicing up vegetables or leaning back on the chairs with the bouncy red leather seat cushions and talk about everything or nothing at all. It makes me smile and I feel a deep part of me get all warm and I can’t help but be happy.

I know that in the past couple of months I have been become more driven by my salacious and inconsequential desires. But I have never betrayed Allan. He is the type of guy I thought would never be interested in me. I was a late bloomer and for so long I felt awkward with my body, I

I KEEP ASKING MYSELF TONIGHT WHY I AM DOING THIS? I SUSPECT IT’S BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO ADMIT THAT MAYBE… JUST MAYBE I HAVE CROSSED THE LINE INTO BEING AN ASSHOLE. was amazed and confused when guys got so focused on my boobs and ass, which by the way, I loved. Wasn’t I supposed to focus on romance and chastity? I felt like a whore, which is what my childhood friends called me. I was so hurt by them that I hid behind an emotional wall and slammed my desires into hibernation. Then about 3 years ago I finally decided that as long as I was careful, I deserved to be as perverse and corrupt as I could. To hell

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with it I say, nobody ever got hurt by having a little fun even if my desired acts are illegal in most states and countries. And yeah, I had fun. I met guys like Chaiyo and made sure that I wallowed in every physical and adventurous pleasure. I always put myself first. Then I met Allan who initially looked at me just like everyone else did with a physical lens and hungry eyes. But that night in his apartment, sipping delicious spicy Grenache, Allan wanted to get to know me first. I thought I was going to be bored and either I would have to jump him or leave. But instead, I felt comfortable and I kind of morphed into this funny, charming version of myself that started to feel that warm center inside me get hot. Over the first months together, Allan was patient with me, he instinctively knew when I was feeling prickly or just itching in my own skin. He wasn’t a saint; Allan is never going to allow himself to be bullied or pushed around and can be brutal in his direct assessments. But Allan could instinctively reach that part of me that recognizes that this sweet, beautiful guy wanted to love me and not judge me.

Before Allan, I was catching up sexually and being impulsive for all that I missed when I hid behind my emotional wall. During that time, I was so concerned about being this nerdy, sloppy, impulsive girl that I avoided having any fun.

So afterwards, I went wild when I stopped hiding. But now, I didn’t need to be that crazy, self-destructive bully with Allan. He could look inside me past the boobs, which is difficult, cause they are nice!!

Yet sometimes I still get nervous and act out like an idiot. Even Allan has limits to his patience. I kind of love Allan, I am heartsick he is mad at me. I know he is going to give me another chance, but this is the moment where my next steps will either turn him away from me or force me to acknowledge that I cannot be so egotistical. He has accepted me as an aggressive, sexually driven, and bitchy woman with a gooey warm center. In turn, I need to accept that Allan wants me to concentrate on expanding that warm center and make it a more prevalent part of who I am.

As I start to scare myself here in the dark, I realize that I must change somehow. It is so easy to say but I like who I am for the most part. I will have to look carefully inside myself and see what I want to continue to accept about myself, both good and bad, and what really must change because I do not want to be purely selfish anymore. It is not always about me; I am coming to understand that. I care so much about Allan and my mom that I need try. I may love being arrogant and condescending, but I also want to be loved by them as well.

I WILL HAVE TO LOOK CAREFULLY INSIDE MYSELF AND SEE WHAT I WANT TO CONTINUE TO ACCEPT ABOUT MYSELF, BOTH GOOD AND BAD, AND WHAT REALLY MUST CHANGE BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO BE PURELY SELFISH ANYMORE. IT IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT ME.

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L A D Y C O D E S H O P. C O M

the fashion analyst

the ultra-fast

KILLING HAND A D I G I TA L S E L F I S H N E S S A N D H Y P O C RYS I S Y S H OW D OW N

STORY BY ALFONSO DE HOYOS-ACOSTA STYLED BY KSENIA SHARONOVA PHOTOGRAPHED BY KOCMOC

Who would have thought that digital nativism and the cult of “immediate fashion” would combine to suck the marrow out of life? Fashion is meant to uplift, inspire, and enchant. Nonetheless, social hypocrisy, rapacious fashion trends, and a diabolically clever supply chain have intertwined to lead us into environmental and ethical disaster.

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P HO T O C R EDI T S MODEL : V I V IC OX Y P HO T O G R A P H ER : KO C MO C FA S H ION S T Y LI S T : K S E N I A S H A RON OVA FA S H ION DE S IG N ER : K R I S T I NA S C H NA I DER M A K E - U P A RT I S T : V LA DA KO ZAC H YS HC H E P RODUC ER : NA S T YA AC I D P HO T O A S S I S TA N T : S ERG EY L OBA N OV

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W

HEN I WAS A CHILD, MY MOTHER TOOK ME, EAGER-EYED AND SALIVATING, ON MY annual trip to an elegant department store to purchase my academic attire. The ferocious yet warm-hearted nuns, also known as “las pingüinas,” that ran my school were unyielding in their demand for buttoned-down shirts, grey trousers, and blue blazers.

My only form of rebellion was to select peculiarly patterned ties and polo-style shirts in a hue of colors. Fashion trends took years to meander into the colonial world of provincial Mexico. There wasn’t a virtual idolization of rivals preening for the camera. Nor was there the instant gratification of knowing that vermillion and celadon were the must-have colors!

I did it the old-fashioned way, by reading monthly magazines. Most of us share the comical memories of an awkward youth desperately trying to be accepted or perhaps a faux rebellious stand against “the man.” Today’s society may still have these yearnings, but now we can make a global spectacle of ourselves and induce millions to mimic each of us via our cunning digital prowess.

Digital Nativism describes people who have grown up in exclusive contact with computers, the Internet, cellphones, tablets, and of course, social media.

Imagine a child who has no reference to physical books or magazines. Their cute chubby little hands frustratingly swiping the pages of a Dr. Seuss book with their faces screwing up in utter outrage when the damned thing wrinkles instead of moving on.

These so-called digital natives are now dominating how the contemporary fashion industry operates, and they are frog-marching the rest of us into a hypocritical, self-absorbed future.

We have all seen how social media has lurched itself into our lives like the ubiquitous all-consuming zombie viruses so popular in entertainment. From the quaint origins of blogging and sites like MySpace, our society has created a monstrous medium that vomits out trends, conspiracies, opinions, lies, and truth through an ever-faster cycle. What is fascinating about social media today is that anyone can influence us, not just global monoliths or personalities, from the ancient vehicles of broadcast television and movies. By using techniques such as cross-posting, where info is referenced in a campaign across multiple sites such as Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok, an unknown teenager in Yakutsk, Russia, or Deception Island, Antarctica can entice us to follow them. At times it is shocking to realize that, on average, 25% of all humans born since 1981 follow influencers on social media. We consume postings from all types of niches but especially from travel, fashion, and fitness. Multiple surveys assert that we use social media to follow only family and are used just as pure entertainment. I am supremely and hilariously dubious of these suspect claims. I contend we use social media to enhance ourselves and publicize the versions of us that we want the world to laud and applaud. We also use social media to spy while lurking in the shadows as we revel in the missteps of our rivals and especially our ex-loves. Who of us has never created alternate personas or used an incognito window to pleasure ourselves with the proof that our exes have indeed ended up morbidly obese and with hideous partners? Social media also allows us to explore and experiment with emotional and pragmatic advice to create the absolute best version of ourselves. An unrealistic version that is not only dressed in the latest trends but also constantly in motion, displaying whatever is new, unique, and “better.” Better is a relative term for most of us, and luckily with the proliferation of influencers, we can discover our niche and swim in the glowing warmth of self-justification for whatever behavior gives us selfish pleasure.

ONE OF THE MOST COMMON ATTRIBUTES OF CONTEMPORARY “INFLUENCERS” IS THEIR NEED TO SHOW OR WEAR TRENDY CLOTHES AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE AND WITH ALMOST NO REPETITION

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Irrespective of your niche, one of the most common attributes of contemporary “influencers” is their need to show or wear trendy clothes as quickly as possible and with almost no repetition. One of the most unapologetic, soul-sucking tribes of vampiric hypocrites that lead social media are the Kardashians. Yes, I immediately acknowledge their prophetic business acumen and Rumpelstiltskin-like ability to create gold from straw. Criticizing this family is frankly a fruitless effort. They have successfully identified a global, desperate yearning to not miss out on multiple experiences, the infamous and nefarious “FOMO.” Regardless of my envious distaste for these “Kardasians” and all their ilk, even I look in the mirror and breathlessly wish to be universally admired for being fashionable and for attending premier events to the envy of everyone else. I do not blame anyone for these alluring desires since it is human nature, and baby… look at the digital natives, they breathe and ache for this type of fame.

People desire this strategy for fame; if for nothing else, than it works. It is a proven path for financial and societal success. Nonetheless, in my opinion, it is also significantly harmful to our community, the environment, and potentially all higher powers up to and including the Baby Jesus, Xochiquetzal Aztec Goddess of Sex, and St. Drogo, the patron saint of unattractive people.

You may be asking yourself, back up a moment, hoss. How did we get from a flood of fame and attention seekers to St. Drogo getting even more grief? It is simply a matter of Demand and Supply. From ancient Tamilac teachings to juristic Islamic scholars, everyone acknowledges the idea that if people greatly desire to consume a product or service, then there will be someone else ready to supply their desires for a price. Today? Our intrepid digital natives want the infamy and renown that has been displayed like a fatted calf on a golden altar by social media influencers. Yet, it is not that easy to attain these goals; recent news and whispering gossip maintain that some supremely famous influencers spend up to USD 350,000 a month on powders, creams, vegan chefs, weaves, and physical trainers. And others sardonically contend that up to USD 2M is spent every couple of weeks on clothes. God forfend that we wear clothes more than once! The mere thought harrows up my soul, freezes my blood, and makes my knotted and combined locks to part with each hair standing on end like quills upon the fretful porentine!

Okay, granted my head is bald and very shiny, but digital natives have a great fear of appearing stale and off-trend.

We have created a culture that demands a constant, endless stream of fresh looks, fascinating locations, and costume changes to ensure our entire existence stays relevant. But what do you do if you are a simple country gal from Eyore, Indiana?? Doesn’t she deserve a chance to shine in the warm digital glow of the iPhone’s flashlight? Doesn’t a young herder from Kul, Uzbekistan get a chance to rock the central Asian plains with their latest take on Yeezy’s footwear? Yes, they do. So, to fulfill these heart-breaking screams for attention, a group of sly, serpentine companies has slithered into the fold and have supplied what is needed; they are the Ultra-Fast fashion purveyors.

Two decades ago, Zara was considered revolutionary for offering hundreds of new items a week; nowadays, Shein and Asos, two highly successful ultra-fast fashion sellers, add as many as 7,000 items a week. Besides providing an unceasing parade of clothes with marginal quality, these companies sell their questionable products at eye-popping low prices and free shipping.

Consequently, Shein has recently become the largest online-only retailer in the world. But at what cost is this ultra-fast access to cheap clothing? If you parse out the impacts, three significant areas are troublesome: intellectual property rights, labor abuse, and environmental pollution.

Imagine yourself as a small or medium-sized fashion company or designer. After months of feverish thought, you have created an on-point garment that is the ultimate representation of your aesthetic. Then much to your horror, an ultra-fast “designer,” whose deep reach is global, places the exact same garment on their site, plus or minus some stitching. What can you do?

Designers and companies of every size are affected by this practice. For example, AirWair International, maker of Dr. Martens’ distinctive footwear, filed a complaint against Chinabased online fashion company Shein, alleging IP infringement. According to reports from the Financial Times of London, Shein is accused of listing a “Martin Boot” on their site, as well as 20 other styles, sold at a fraction of a genuine Dr. Martens shoe. AirWair International has the financial resources to take legal action against IP infringement, but what about smaller designers or retailers? Shein racked up USD 10 billion in 2020 sales and is widely reported to have a valuation

PEOPLE DESIRE THIS STRATEGY FOR FAME. IT IS A PROVEN PATH FOR FINANCIAL AND SOCIETAL SUCCESS. NONETHELESS, IT IS ALSO SIGNIFICANTLY HARMFUL TO OUR COMMUNITY, THE ENVIRONMENT, AND POTENTIALLY ALL HIGHER POWERS UP TO AND INCLUDING THE BABY JESUS, XOCHIQUETZAL AZTEC GODDESS OF SEX, AND ST. DROGO, THE PATRON SAINT OF UNATTRACTIVE PEOPLE.

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between USD 20 to 30 billion. David did beat Goliath, but according to Jesus, that occurred 3,000 years ago. This is a small consolation to smaller and medium-sized fashion companies whose designs have been appropriated. Believe it or not, I do not consider Shein a villain.

The company was first launched in 2008, selling wedding dresses and women’s clothing for western shoppers. It was founded by entrepreneur Chris Xu, who ironically stated that he wasn’t interested in fashion but instead specialized in Search Engine Optimization (SEO) marketing. Take a second to reflect on that scenario. A computer geek with a genius for digital marketing and no special flair or creativity for fashion has become wildly successful in providing our digital natives with cheap clothes. From a business perspective, we must admire Chris Xu

TO BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR, ULTRAFAST COMPANIES STEAL IDEAS AND TRENDS NOT ONLY FROM LARGE COMPANIES BUT MORE TRAGICALLY, FROM SMALLER TO MEDIUM-SIZED DESIGNERS and Shein for their insight to fulfill global demand and success. But in the meantime, Coco Chanel and Guccio Gucci are puking out their entrails in the hereafter. To be absolutely clear, ultra-fast companies steal ideas and trends not only from large companies but more tragically, from smaller to medium-sized designers. For the most part, fashion is excluded from the system that protects writers, filmmakers, painters, photographers, and jewelry designers.

There are some European countries that do allow some form of intellectual property protection, but it is not consistent across Europe, which means each case can be interpreted differently. From the start of the creative process, technology can greatly assist designers in producing beautiful clothing and providing consumers with the ability to easily purchase online. But this same technology has also made it very difficult for designers to outwit copycats and achieve their justifiable profits. Emerging and independent designers are at particular risk since they do not have the funds to fight copyright infringement. Cellphones can be easily used by copycats to identify their victims at trade shows and in factories. Online runway shows also provide an inlet for fashion design to be replicated by others. Of course, this happened prior to the proliferation of modern technology, but never at this pace and depth. All of this occurs simply because of demand.

Speed to market is essential to the success of ultra-fast companies, and their achievements rest on their flexible, insanely quick supply chain. The success of this supply chain is built on relatively cheap human labor and work environments that are lightly regulated. Many fast fashion companies, such as Boohoo or Fashion Nova, contract their cutting and sewing out to factories in other countries and manage smaller, more specialized supply chains in an overall process that is opaque and complicated. The fashion industry has a history of poor labor standards, and ultra-fast fashion is only making things worse. Some

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ONE OF THE IRONIES OF THIS RELATIONSHIP IS THE HYPOCRITICAL TEARS THAT INFLUENCERS SHED FOR THE LATEST TRENDY ACTIVIST TOPICS LIKE CHILD LABOR ABUSE AND GLOBAL ECOLOGICAL BREAKDOWN

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reports have documented instances of modern slavery, child labor, unsafe working conditions, and long hours with little pay. According to the Clean Clothes Campaign (cleanclothes. org), eighty percent of the garment industry’s workforce are women, and reports of sexual harassment and discrimination against pregnant women are common. Poor labor practices are not limited to countries such as Malaysia or Bangladesh, the UK and the US have significant numbers of garment workers paid less than half of the country’s minimum wage, all due to the sweatshop system.

Finally, apart from intellectual property and labor issues, ultra-fast fashion is a significant factor in accelerating the waste of natural resources and global pollution. The average American buys a new item of clothing every five days and generates 82 pounds of textile waste each year. In fact, McKinsey, a global strategic consulting firm, has estimated that the fashion industry is responsible for 4 percent of the world’s greenhouse-gas emissions. According to the UN Framework Convention on Climate Change, emissions from textile manufacturing alone are projected to skyrocket by 60% by 2030.

As digital natives consider purchasing their new outfits on a weekly or daily basis, they are enabling the waste of about 700 gallons of water to produce one cotton shirt and 2,000 gallons of water to produce a pair of jeans. Textile dyes are also the world’s second-largest polluter of water, while pesticides, widely used in cotton cultivation, contaminate soil and groundwater. With inadequate environmental safeguards, these chemicals can leak into waterways and pose massive health risks to farmers and workers, and their communities.

You may think to yourself, well wait, if cotton is such an environmental waste, maybe I should focus on synthetic fabric?

Unfortunately, synthetic fabrics are made from heavily processed petrochemicals. Nylon and polyester yarns are mostly produced by melting polymer chips or granules and then manipulating them to produce very long, fine filaments used for the yarn. Most clothes on the market contain plastic, which consequently makes the textile sector the largest user of plas-

IT IS A VICIOUS CIRCLE-JERK WITH INFLUENCERS CHASING FAME AND ULTRA-FAST COMPANIES INSIDIOUSLY PURSUING INFLUENCERS TO OFFER UP THEIR CLOTHES AS A BASIS FOR CREATING A UNIQUE IMAGE

tic after packaging and construction, accounting for around 15% of plastic use.

Creating all these clothes has resulted in some unbelievable, negative situations. For example, the Kpone landfill, which is located about 25 miles from Accra, the capital of Ghana, holds not only trash and plastic bags but also American-exported clothing that was donated away by our intrepid digital natives. The mountain of waste at Kpone is truly awe-inspiring, with a daily increase of 1,200 metric tons of trash added daily.

In August of 2019, a portion of Kpone caught on fire with thick black smoke, and over the course of a week, the entire landfill would go up in flames. Sadly, in October 2019, the Ghanian press reported that fires still smoldered and burned. The reason that Kpone and other landfills in Africa exist is because of the gross overproduction and undervaluing of garments.

Every year, the U.S. exports more than a billion pounds of used clothing. We rarely consider what happens to our disposable clothes. Most Americans believe that donating their old clothes is a positive alternative to simply throwing the garments in the local garbage. But this is absolutely not the case.

The truth is that there is not enough global demand for the massive quantities of secondhand, low-quality clothing we donate. As a result, our good intentions become costly, overwhelming waste, and an environmental nightmare for people living halfway around the world.

This increasing demand for disposable fashion has been the key factor in the rise of ultra-fast fashion companies and the negative consequences discussed. The Boohoo Group, a UK-based online fashion retailer, saw its profits double in 2017 and then again in 2018, resulting in revenues jumping 41% in the year to February 2021, rising from £1.23bn to £1.74bn. You may pick your jaws up from the floor. The Kamani family, who was integral in the founding of Boohoo, continues to make inroads in the fashion business, such as their relatively new subsidiary PrettyLittleThing, whose clothes are bolder with more body-con dresses, metallics and branding focused on young female internet influencers.

These ultra-fast fashion companies are tightly linked to a celebrity-obsessed culture with their social-media marketing directly aimed at TikTokers, Instagram models, and YouTubers that are encouraged to post about the brands. So, it is a vicious circle-jerk with influencers chasing fame and ultra-fast companies insidiously pursuing influencers to offer up their clothes as a basis for creating a unique image. One of the ironies of this relationship is the hypocritical tears that influencers shed for the latest trendy activist topics like child labor abuse and global ecological breakdown.

In the end, yes, these ultra-fast companies should be held accountable for many detestable practices, but as stated earlier, these entities are simply fulfilling the demands of digital natives. Cheap, plentiful clothing is not only here to stay, but the desire for them is also increasing exponentially. There are no easy answers, and it all starts with demand from our digital natives, who are preening for the camera all the while I cough up a lung looking like hell in my vintage 1-year-old Gucci sweater.

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TOKYO THRIFT

BY ERIKA ISHIBASHI

Thrifting or buying secondhand has been around for a very long time. It can have the reputation of being something that only people who are struggling financially do it, but I hope to break that stereotype.

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HRIFTING IS INCREDIBLY ENvironmentally friendly, and there are so many different ways to thrift nowadays! Even if you’re not comfortable buying secondhand, you can always donate instead of throwing away clothing you don’t wear anymore. In Japan, thrifting and buying vintage clothing have become very popular.

Going from store to store trying to find valuable vintage clothing has become a whole culture. Now because of this, you’ll find many expensive thrift stores in Tokyo. It took me some time and a lot of research to find an average-priced secondhand store in Tokyo. Still, the one thing the rise in popularity did was breaking the stigma that buying secondhand was gross or unsanitary.

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About 85% of the clothing I currently own is secondhand. Even when I was younger, I enjoyed shopping at thrift stores because it was so much more exciting to find garments there than at regular stores. There is also so much of the same clothing when going to regular stores, whereas thrifting, every piece is unique. Obviously, there are more of that same somewhere in the world, but I really enjoy the feeling of being the only person - or one of the very few around me who has this piece of clothing. However, the cherry on top is knowing that I’m being kind to the environment. The average American throws away 80 pounds of clothing every year. That’s absolutely insane, and it makes me wonder how much of that cloth-

P HO T O C R EDI T S S T Y LI S T : M I Y U K I KU D O H A I R : H A NA O C H I P HO T O G R A P H ER : AT S U S H I K I S H I MO T O MODEL S FROM LEF T T O R IG H T : U LA LA M I K A M I WA K A KO YA M A NA SAYO M I YA MO T O NA NA M I K A N EKO M I Y U K I KU D O ER I K A I S H I BA S H I NA NA O TA

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ing could still have been worn by someone else. There are many easy ways to donate your clothes to stores or different organizations that help people in need. You can also sell them yourself for a bit of pocket money. Something I have always wanted to try is having a clothing swap party with my friends. We each bring whatever clothing we don’t wear anymore, and we all freely swap clothing. There can be food and drinks there, and it’d be a really fun get-together!

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Everything Women of the Earth is wearing aside from shoes is secondhand and wasn’t expensive. We all went to an average thrift store and chose clothing for this shoot because we wanted to show that buying secondhand is very fashionable. It will also help to test and develop your sense of fashion and styling. I also personally find it easier to find clothing that fits me at secondhand stores because clothing at regular stores is often trendy, and sometimes they

don’t fit my body type or style. When we mention secondhand or thrifting, we tend to think of clothing, but I want to make a quick point to say this all can be applied to furniture as well. If you’re feeling the itch to redecorate or incorporate new and different pieces into your household, see what the local secondhand store has. Check on the web; there are many secondhand online stores available nowadays. Happy eco-friendly hunting!

K EEP I T U P W I T H WOM E N OF T H E E A RT H @WOM E N _OF T H EE A RT H

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YSL

the language of fashion

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MUSÉE YVES SAINT LAURENT “ G A B R I E L L E C H A N E L G AV E W O M E N F R E E D O M .

Y V E S S A I N T L A U R E N T G AV E T H E M P O W E R ”

S O B R I E F LY Y E T S O A C C U R AT E LY, P I E R R E B E R G É D E S C R I B E D T W O O F T H E M O S T I M PA C T F U L C H A N G E S I N FA S H I O N H I S T O R Y L E D B Y T W O O F M Y FAV O R I T E FA S H I O N DESIGNERS EVER

BY MENA LOMBARD

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I HAVE ALWAYS ADMIRED...

Yves Saint Laurent’s designs and aesthetics.

I consider him a genius because of his designs and because he was able to reimagine fashion with revolutionary ideas that represented strong and forwardthinking ideals. Always ahead of his time, the creation of Le Smoking, his Bambara Collection, the Mondrian-inspired designs, and his trapeze dresses are just a few examples of what his mind was capable of. But what attracts me most about him are his ideals and how he used fashion to communicate them. I admire those who have the need and the will to challenge the status quo, and Yves Saint Laurent spend a lifetime doing so. He was the first to inspire couture designs from street fashion, the first haute couture designer to launch a ready-to-wear collection, and a pioneer in gender-fluid design. He was one of the first male designers to see and empower women, treating them as equals. And the equality practiced by YSL was absolute. He saw women as equal to men and also equal among themselves. He was among the first designers to feature women of color in fashion shows, and he was the one that made Naomi Campbell’s first French Vogue cover possible.

Visiting Paris without making a stop at the Musée Yves Saint Laurent is missing on the opportunity of entering, for a short but worthwhile moment, the incredible life and work of this legendary couturier. The lovely Parisian townhouse, which was his former haute couture house, exhibits the designer’s body of work in a very intimate and personal way. I can promise you that going up the same steps he did for over 30 years of design and creation can only be surpassed by the opportunity to be faceto-face with the product of his genius.

This museum showcases a curation of dresses, accessories, sketches, photos, and videos in a beautifully designed and decorated exhibition space. The museum focuses on giving an introspective look at YSL’s talent, but it doesn’t stop there. It also shows the incredible process that takes place in the design and manufac-

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turing of a couture collection. By looking at all the photographs, prototypes, charts, and many other internal files, you are able to understand and appreciate the incredible amount of work, precision, and organization that couture implies. As a Fashion Design professor, I found this incredibly interesting and absolutely enlightening, as allowing a peek inside this intricate and meticulous process provides a more informed knowledge and a fairer perspective on the value of couture work. As a Fashion Designer myself, I found this exceptionally generous. And as an admirer, I found this telling on how his mind and heart worked: he liked to make things universal.

Visiting the museum allows you to appreciate his love affair with art, his masterful use of color, and his unique juxtaposition of textiles. His inimitable eye only surpasses his exquisite use of lines and his unparalleled draping. While walking around his studio, you can only feel connected to him and his genius, as you get to understand how his perseverance and uniqueness left a forever mark in the fashion industry. It is an invitation to see his world and his life through the perspective of Yves himself, and nothing beats having the opportunity to get close and personal to the work of one of the most creative and iconic minds that designed and embellished the 20th century.

How intimate this visit is, stays with you. But what impacted me the most was learning that this museum’s idea first began when Saint Laurent created his label.

He planned for this exhibition throughout his entire career, and you can see how he meticulously cataloged different pieces by marking them with the letter “M” for the museum. This is yet another example of the type of vision he had: he was always looking forward and always thinking ahead.

This museum is about his work, his legacy, but above all, his nature, the Renaissance nature that characterized him. It is about the uniqueness of how complex and complete he was as a designer, an innovator, a creator, an artist, an idealist, and a formidable engineer that was able to design and follow structured processes to materialize every idea in a remarkable and long-lasting way. It gives credit to a fashion prodigy that was unapologetically and fearlessly true to himself, his vision, and his idea of what fashion should look like and what it should be about.

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WEENATIKUNA.COM

the fashion analyst

FALLING IN LIKE

BY ALFONSO DE HOYOS-ACOSTA STYLED BY CARLOS MARRERO HAIR STYLING BY CAROLINA LASANTITA Falling in love is one of the most painful masochistic acts a human can take on. Falling in passionate love feels like you ran screaming into a blazing fire with your entire body all soaked with gasoline and cheap tequila, especially your genitalia. As the fire embraces you, for one exquisite moment, there is an intense wildeyed surge of tingling searing heat that is breathtaking.

And then?

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P H OTO C R E D I T S FA S H I O N S T Y L I S T C A R L O S M A R R E RO HAIR & MAKEUP C A RO L I NA L A S A N T I TA FA S H I O N D E S I G N E R O N T H I S PAG E : E D UA R D O D E L A S C A S A S N E X T PAG E S : M E NA L O M BA R D MODELS K E L LY F E R R E I R A , T UA N E S C H U L Z P RO D U C T I O N A S S I S TA N T & R E TO U C H E R I G O R S A M PA I O P H OTO G R A P H E R F L Á V I O I RYO DA

HEN? YOU JUST FUCKING BURN. Before you lift your eyebrows in disdain and mutter, “This bitch just got dumped,” you must know that I don’t spit on love lightly. Love provides intense positive, indescribable emotions and euphoria. At these moments, you feel alive and so exceptional that you want to yell out to the world to let them know what you are experiencing. Love makes you think that nothing that has happened before in the history of man was as important as what is happening to you now.

Love can and does inspire great creativity, which has resulted in millennia of art, song, and stories dedicated to the celebration or the despair of love. But we need to understand that the storybooks are bullshit. Passionate Love is not like they advertise; it doesn’t permanently improve your life; it actually ruins all best-laid plans.

It eventually breaks your heart and vomits out a physical and emotional mess. Yet, we cannot help ourselves; we fall in and out of love with all its subsequent pain and self-disgust. The storybooks teach us love conquers all, and we will live perfectly and happily ever after. But we are not perfect beings. Stars are perfect, ruby red roses blooming in the sunlight are perfect, moonlight falling over a cerulean sea is perfect. We certainly are not. My hypothesis is that humans long ago fell into a willing, endless cycle of ruining ourselves, breaking our hearts, and loving the wrong people until we die.

Am I being absurd and dramatic? Maybe. But I don’t think we should throw ourselves off the cliff and get over with it. Perhaps the answer lies internally within us.

Passionate love enables a loss of control that encourages impulsive thoughts and actions. By using rational, logical thought about love and romance, we could potentially achieve a sensible blend of emotion and reason. We could exert control on when we abandon ourselves to passion or when we should steer ourselves away from disastrous people and subsequently experience a consistent sense of joy. But many people believe that this level of control over love is mythical.

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Paulo Coelho, a Brazilian novelist, once wrote, “Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused”. Based on my experience and observation, Paulo Coelho has a very legitimate point. I have always seen passionate love as an experience that is extremely difficult to control or even identify until it is too late. Perhaps it’s true that you can’t choose whom you fall in love with, but by knowing yourself, you can take responsibility to avoid situations where you do lose control. Unfortunately, most people do not know themselves.

In some ridiculous form or another, we’ve all heard the self-help mantra of “love yourself before you can love others.” As in any great propaganda, there is a kernel of truth in that advice. But too many charlatans prey on our need for love, and in many cases, we are convinced to buy books or attend courses or pay for advice that ultimately undermines the goal of serene self-acceptance.

We end up treating romantic love and relationships as if we are an obsessed Captain Ahab with few guardrails along the journey to the white whale.

YOU MUST ASK YOURSELF WHICH OF THOSE MEPHISTOPHELEAN TRAITS YOU ARE WILLING TO ACCEPT AND WHICH NEED TO BE MODIFIED BEFORE YOU CAN BE MORE AT PEACE WITH WHO YOU ARE In addition, mindlessly loving yourself does not equate to acceptance. It can be delusional, selfish, and hurtful to everyone. Loving yourself first shouldn’t be used as a transition to external love since this philosophy isn’t an adequate foundation for relationships. Granted that before focusing on others, it’s a good idea to learn what is marvelous about yourself first. You need to find out what it is about your body and mind that gives you happiness.

But? It’s also about searching deep inside and understanding what dark and grotesque urges lie underneath the surface. Like Faust, you must ask yourself which of those Mephistophelean traits you are willing to accept and which need to be modified before you can be more at peace with who you are.

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NOTHING IS EVER ENOUGH TO MEET THAT PERFECT IMAGE THAT WE CREATE FOR OURSELVES. IN THE END, I HURT MYSELF AND OTHERS IN MY FRUITLESS PURSUIT OF FLAWED SELF-LOVE. Acceptance does not come easily since there is no definitive measure of success. It’s a personal journey with individuals determining if they have achieved their goals. But without a thorough selfanalysis prior to embracing self-love, I contend that there will be dark consequences. This philosophy has been badly implemented on a consistent basis, and for many people it misleads them into believing that the only way to be worthy of love is to also achieve some illusionary, complex state of being. For myself? I recall there was a time when I had conditioned myself to live up to some perfect image that I had conjured up – one that I had designed, taking examples from those around me.

I always thought that if I could stand up to that image and be the perfect version of myself, no matter how deviated it was from my real self, I would definitely be loved. However, that entire belief system soon shattered because nothing is ever enough to meet that perfect image that we create for ourselves. In the end, I hurt myself and others in my fruitless pursuit of flawed self-love and subsequent romance.

The point is that self-love and relationships aren’t unidirectional. The quality of our relationships also loops back and affects our self-esteem. My self-

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esteem started kissing the shit layer under the grime of the pavement after a one-time love started nastily joking about my emotional reliance on them.

I started doubting myself, the way I looked and acted, which convinced me that my love would leave me for someone more attractive, younger, sadder, richer, older, poorer, happier, worthier…. Which led me into a maelstrom of pain and, of course, eventual loneliness.

Relationships don’t work in a predictable cause and effect textbook method. No matter how comfortable we are in our own skin, it’s no guarantee that we will have positive, amazing relationships. I suspect that if you’re twitching with unhappiness and lack emotional control, finding positive love will be significantly more difficult. All these internal and external pressures consistently lead us to fail in love. So alternatively, why don’t we just focus on just liking someone first?

What’s wrong with falling in “like”?

Recently, I have found myself falling in “like” with a sweet, complex, and fiercely independent person. Someone who would never sit still for being possessed or constrained. Is it love? No. I totally understand that fundamentally I have a deep friendship that transcends both the emotional and physical. But love? Where I am yearning for commitment, reassurance, and a certainty of my love’s sole attention? No, not at all.

Thus far, my experiment in liking someone first provides a toasty gentle feeling that easily makes me smile. For once, I don’t have this sense of sadness, displaced jealousy, and a jittery feeling of missing out without the person I love. Passionate love is the ultimate FOMO situation, and maybe I just don’t want the constant nerve-wracking excitement that comes with passion.

With like? I am enjoying myself and not obsessing about the other person. Of course, I hope and care that the other person feels the same way about me. But I’m not going to constantly run to them screaming like Othello on crack. I refuse to be the obsessive, pathologically jealous protagonist of my own version of a Shakespearian tragedy. My Desdemona is an unfaltering friend that respects me and yet still desires an emotional connection that moves beyond platonic platitudes.

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I’M NOT GOING TO CONSTANTLY RUN TO THEM SCREAMING LIKE OTHELLO ON CRACK. I REFUSE TO BE THE OBSESSIVE, PATHOLOGICALLY JEALOUS PROTAGONIST OF MY OWN VERSION OF A SHAKESPEARIAN TRAGEDY. 94

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Should I reject this falling in “like” as a coward’s way out of love? Should I instead worry about the future and see that maybe my “like” won’t last? That this person I like will ultimately choose someone else? Someone they will be passionately in love with?

Yes, I feel a slight sadness at the potentially ephemeral nature of my latest romantic like. Nonetheless, I have come to realize that perhaps I’ll be the one to lose my mind and find someone else in a fit of passion. I must keep remembering that falling in “like” is not a roller coaster of emotions with only limitless pain at the end of the ride. At least, I hope so. Now you may laugh.

Thus far, it’s been a beautiful ride with mostly smiles and surprises as the other person tries to make me happy without any sneaky ulterior motive driven by loving passion. Ultimately though, I need to consider if I am in complete denial about love? Is falling in “like” just an inevitable precursor to love? Is falling in “like” just another brief stop along the path from friendship to love??

Meh. Maybe. I don’t fucking know. Maybe I’m not meant to know. Maybe this is just another insidious slithering way for love to re-enter my life. All I can do is truly accept myself in a balanced healthy manner and have a modicum of control over my emotions. What I will do is avoid overthinking what I’m feeling and just enjoy the ride. You should too.

BE YOUR OWN SAFETY 18K GOLD DIAMOND SAFETY SELECTOR NECKLACE

J O E WA L L D E S I G N . C O M

the target idea

VALUE THE FACE OF

BEHIND THE COSTUME STORY BY IBTISSAM EL AZAMI

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There are only so many lies we can tell the world before our actions short circuit us. No magical element can protect you from the truth when your soul and your social costume don’t align. And who is going to save you, when you have lost your only reason to live? I’m not talking about love. I’m not talking about partners, and family. I’m talking about losing the vibration that makes you a thinking animal, and that allows you to push through life with a stiff upper lip.

ithin the dissimulation of our true selves, one question remains: what value do we have when we wear someone else’s costume?

Realistically speaking, happiness can be reached via tangible means such as money or the love and reward of society. When I say “society”, I do include in the lot our beloved ones. I do blend in the mix every piece of happiness that surrounds us, and that is quite easily reachable on a day-to-day basis, like having a fulfilling breakfast or applying your favorite lipstick in the morning.

Small actions compound.

Still, what value can we give to the love that others feed us? Can feeling this love be regarded as true happiness? What is value itself, and what gives and takes away from human beings’ value? The danger always remains the same; that of putting all your eggs in one basket, or that of losing your balance by giving out too much of your power to outer bodies.

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It seems like the costume is only ever worn to fool and deceive, to use and to earn what we should not have earned if we followed basic moral principles. Never for the good. When the principles decline and survival mode kicks in, don’t lose yourself. The little voice. That little voice that exhales purity and the straight path, that we try to strangle so it doesn’t lead us to a happiness that is actually scarier than it is satisfying. That little voice that we exchange for self-sabotage, and that, blow by blow, kills our fire.

What gives human beings value? I do think that happiness spreads on several levels depending on people. From a survival point of view, humans are mammals. Animals that are able to live through winters and fires and the danger of other animals’ strength and fierceness. To survive is not to be happy, however much we’re trying to fit in happiness in our overworked lives. It is crucial to try and understand what gives human beings value so the

P HO T O C R EDI T S FA S H ION DE S IG N ER A H M A D C OU T U R E BY S H A A LI MODEL PAT R IC I A W ER K E M A P HO T O G R A P H ER FLÁV IO I RYODA

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WHAT GIVES HUMANS VALUE IS THE WILL AND THE GRIT, COMBINED WITH THE EASE OF LIVING LIKE A RESPONSIBILITY-FREE CHILD. THE PURITY. THE INNOCENCE.

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world can move forward.

Every time I reflect on the world, I feel like it is spinning out of control - not progressing, not regressing. Just spinning out of control, following unexplainable rules which are, in the end, chosen for us by us. We could blow a hit on politics.

But the truth is, when the mass truly aspires to freedom, we do something about the chains that we’re being dressed with. Rather than a trap, we have brainwashed ourselves into believing that it was okay to be used, okay to pay astronomical amounts of taxes.

We’re actually happy about our unhappiness because having to pay taxes to someone means that someone is responsible for us. And that’s what we avoid always - responsibility.

But beneath the layers of fakeness correctly implemented by a society that uses and disposes of us with our permission, maybe there’s still some unstained piece of personality somewhere. Maybe the free child that was once there still is, and maybe the dreams have not been crushed, and maybe the fear has not taken over.

What gives humans value is the will and the grit, combined with the ease of living like a responsibility-free child. The purity. The innocence. The ability to wonder and marvel at surrounding auras of people and places. When you stop and think about it, our parents did their job the best they could with the strengths and limitations they had. Only when you start accumulating the years in your life count do you start trying to understand why calmly, and how our parents did what they did when they were assigned the task of raising us.

The fact that one can withdraw from judgment, past fears, and past pains shows more value of a being than we’re led to believe today. Aren’t we all mass, trying to get revenge, trying to make people pay for their past mistakes in hopes it will heal us? Don’t we want to remember that we were just a mirror of their pain, that they tried to save us as if it would fix them?

The ability to stop and stare. And do nothing. And not react. And just leave because the moment is over, because the past is the past and because what is done is done. The ability to move on with dignity, and the ability to forgive. They all give value to human beings because they’re tough, demanding growth actions. You try to ring the alarm, you try to push the trigger, you try to defend yourself, and ask why, how, when. Why were you hurt?

What did you do to get hurt?

The value of life is engraved into each and every one of those that know when to get off stage at curtain call.

It is also inherent to our ability to understand that we are just an echo of one another. As individualist as we’d like to be, we’re all part of the same tissue, the same blood, the same fabric, and the same dust. Won’t we try to understand? We need to talk about value because it’s wearing off. Replacing the core strengths of our hearts with the small pettiness of the world brings us closer to the grave without triumph. Letting go is always a solution, a widely spread and magical solution that no one really knows how to apply to their lives. If meditation helped, we would practice meditation every day. Yet, we don’t. Why? Because meditation is a toughie. And because it works. What a strange thing, we run away from the things that can save us and run into the wolf’s mouth.

Once or twice in the year (preferably on January 1st), we’ll meditate because Instagram and TikTok dictated we should stick to a new resolution. Yet we stick to this resolution like overused tape that just... doesn’t stick anymore. Because meditation does actually add inherent value to our lives. It helps us practice patience and guides us through the aesthetics of nothingness.

And this nothingness is the very reason why we drop meditation.

That’s also why most of us will never see any kind of light. Because we’re

stuck in the dimly lit room of our comfort zone. It’s warm there, in a comfort zone where nothing ever happens and the mind does not have to think. We just do, because it needs to be done because we need to put food on the table for the kids and pay for the gas and electricity and the rent, for a flat and a life that does not even make us happy.

If we think of everything that we should do to improve, we would most likely break away from the families we have built. Because we knew from the start that we did not match with our partner, and yet, in the quest for validation, we chose to stay by their side. We thought it was love. Sometimes, it’s not even a habit that keeps us there.

It’s the crumbs of self-esteem - it’s the toxicity of ups and downs and pieces of misplaced love that make us feel like shining stars once in a while.

For the sake of future generations, we must work on ourselves and force ourselves out of the comfort zone pit.

An endless pit that leads to boredom, fear, and a deaf, misunderstood anger. I’ve always been of the opinion that we’re not born equal. I do believe in feminism very much, in the sense that genders who provide the same kind of work should be retributed in an equal manner.

However, I also think that education is not distributed evenly throughout all the layers of the world.

I’m not talking here about cultural differences in education from one continent to another. I’m talking about the powers of grit and resilience that are not wired into most people’s brains from a young age. Fixing the world revolves around fixing ourselves, and you’d be a bad-off to think otherwise. The missing link, always, is that we most probably won’t be here to see the world evolve in a way that we would call “fixed”.

It’s always about the future running ahead of all our values, hopes, dreams, and actions. The children of our children will be the product of the thoughts we’ve cultivated in our minds today. Sticking it out when things get rough breaks your heart open, but as the Sufi poet Rumi said: “The wound is the place where the Light enters you”.

You need to peel off your heart, smash it open again, and again, and again to catch a glimpse of what you’re made of. In other words, the value that your life has can

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MOST UNHAPPINESS IN THE WORLD STEMS FROM THE FACT THAT WE DON’T INHERENTLY KNOW WHO WE ARE. WE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW, WE WOULD LIKE TO SEARCH FOR OUR ESSENCE AND UNDERSTAND THE WHY’S AND THE HOW’S OF OUR PERSONALITY.

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be judged by your ability to stick it out when you’re being broken apart. Most of the hurt that we feel is caused by ourselves. Our ego, our overthinking. The choices that we make knowing they are not serving us and won’t - ever. Even if we are not geniuses, we are animals and in terms of instinct, one can’t deny their superiority to human beings. We have that instinct chipped into us from the moment the soul is formed, I believe.

Yet we focus on disturbing it, veiling it with lies that are only meant to sabotage our endeavors. Why are we lying to ourselves?

The duality of the human being is strange and fascinating. Who doesn’t want to be successful? Who doesn’t want to be thin? But who actually puts in the work to be successful? The patience we should refine, the only quality worth having, is reduced to ashes before it even has the time to catch fire.

We don’t want nothingness. We don’t want value. We want the glossy window of fake success barfed by our little screens into our teeny tiny lives. The harshness of my words should never make you fearful, but rather make you reflect on every little action that compounds a bigger pile of disaster if you don’t watch yourself.

Settle down, don’t complicate an already wavy blur of life. Extricate yourself from the being, and dive into the hidden undergrounds of the mind. Explore the gaping fullness of a seemingly empty mind. There’s so much that we still haven’t thought, so much that we haven’t processed, so much that our children will have to process, even, if we don’t. The first flame is ours to kill when we recognize a demeaning pattern. The second flame is our kids’ to kill if we lack the patience to free ourselves from the virtuality of the now.

Is there any inherent value to nothingness? Nothingness is a musician that plays on the vibrations of the ego. For one, we want to free ourselves from the wide-open - and actual - nothingness of the tangible world. One day we’re here, the next one, we’re gone. All things material come to an end. All things come to an end.

Cultivating peace rather than pleasure in our day-to-day endeavors is the key to the first door on the road to nothingness. Call it void, call it unknown, call

it anything necessary to stop your mind from grabbing onto any piece of security it so desperately thirsts for. The security is the danger. Security suffocates opinions and silences us until we can’t do anymore. Thrive in the unknown.

Force yourself. Push yourself out of the limits given by peers. Extricate yourself.

Be yourself.

When you step back from the groove, you understand the value of peace.

Peace is not nothingness, but nothingness does bring peace. The efforts that we put in from the moment we open our eyes in the morning should all work towards one specific goal: happiness.

Have you ever noticed how chasing the superficial brings only doubt and carelessness? Drugs, sex, even food.

Everything material is a drug, and is it not smarter to choose a positive drug to get your fix from? For even peace is a drug, and when you get high on it, I can promise it will never let anyone take you down.

Yes, there is value to nothingness.

There is value only to nothingness, the sole piece of the puzzle that we’re missing. We chase the money that can be spent within a week of getting our paycheck. We chase the love that we won’t be given, specifically because we’re asking for it. The universe has a special way of letting you know whether your path is straight or crooked. It’s just that we human beings choose to ignore the signs and shut down the little voice. If you don’t ask, you will get it. Be a leaf that flows around, sticking to the tree, going with the wind.

Cultivate your inner peace. Start with the small, material things like caring for your skin with a nourishing face cream after the shower. Eat only the fresh, nutritious food that calls your stomach no one is forcing zucchini on you. You can choose to eat only fruits and no vegetables. You can choose to eat no meat and only eggs. You can choose to love or standby. You can choose to be transparent, viable, yet unreachable. The choice is always yours. The responsibility is always yours.

Once you start accumulating small acts of kindness towards your body, your soul will wake up and ask for more too.

More kindness from yourself to yourself.

It will ask for moments of rest, moments when you just step back for a while to

observe in silence how the world spins around you. It does no good to bury yourself into work, no matter how successful you want to be if you do not know how to reflect and be grateful for all that you’ve done for yourself already.

The costume is well-endorsed by society when we decide to fade into the mold. It is no wonder why celebrities are being followed and adored. The weak seek the strong, and history repeats itself.

It’s never such an alarming action to dress with someone else’s personality as long as you don’t lose yourself. The most urgent repression should be that of deterring people from becoming their idols. They are called idols, stars, celebrities for a reason. They are adored, celebrated like the sun that comes up after a long moment of rain.

I believe that most unhappiness in the world stems from the fact that we don’t inherently know who we are. We would like to know, we would like to search for our essence and understand the why’s and the how’s of our personality. But the funny thing is, we don’t actually want to.

It’s not a matter of knowing, it’s a matter of ignoring.

When you ignore the feelings you have, you make it that much easier in the short term to blend into the societal fabric. The veins that you have pump blood of the mass, and ignoring fear, anger, and hope makes it robotic and nonchalant to wake up in the morning. And for most people, for those who don’t have dreams, that’s enough.

Trauma usually breaks the pattern.

Hardships sometimes seem to shoot your way as a hive - but life is a strategic game for all of us. It’s not just you - it never was and it never will be. There’s not one human being on Earth who doesn’t doubt and chews over the past.

The only difference between the successful ones, the ones that society sees as valuable, and the mass, is the ability to pierce through the pain.

Once again, the resilience, the grit and the instinct of survival. Like the air we need to breathe, we need to feel that instinct and abide by it. I feel it is the only law worth following. The only one that connects us to the freedom of animals, and the reign of life.

But freedom can’t be reached if you’re looking for yourself in the eyes of some-

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IF YOU LOOK FOR THE ACCEPTANCE OF OTHERS, YOU’LL FIND YOURSELF LIMPING OUT AND SURVIVING ON CRUMBS OF PITY. IT IS UNFAIR TO EXPECT A STRANGER TO CARRY ON WITH YOUR BURDEN AS WELL AS THEIRS. one else. Neither can awareness. We’re looking for the acceptance of ourselves in others because they mirror us and make us feel safe. How many times have you thought “I am in a relationship with this man/woman because they make me feel safe”?

We take our loved ones as a pseudo-protection against the uncertainty of the unknown and when they fail to deliver, we fail ourselves too.

Positivity and negativity are mass movements in our micro universes. Whether we want it or not, we embrace the movement and it requires tough self-esteem to break away from the pattern. Or to trigger the next curve of positivity.

They’ve repeated it so many times: the mindset is everything. Not most of our teachers, not most of our childhood friends. But those successful people that we’re following on social media.

The grit and the mindset are cogs. They transfer and make the motions, emotions, and reactions float out into the world. Don’t forget that all is circular and circumstantial - what goes around, comes around.

If you look for the acceptance of others, you’ll find yourself limping out and surviving on crumbs of pity. Not even love. When you lose yourself in

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your family, or a relationship, you give to others the power and the responsibility to heave you out into the world. Not only are you being unfair to yourself, but you are also being unkind to your own aura. For it is unfair to expect a stranger considering that every soul apart from yours is a stranger, which it is - to carry on with your burden as well as theirs. Know your place.

We all find ourselves in difficulty at times, hardships have no favorites. We can rely on someone for a time, but society will frown upon someone who needs help for too long. In the unconscious river of men, moving forward is not an option. It is a necessity; you owe it not only to yourself but to the world to keep moving up.

Is there a real problem, and is there a solution?

Are we inventing existential problems that have no lieu of being solved? And so the luxurious dance, and so the poor mindset digs its grave deeper down. The gap between the enlightened (rightfully so or not) and the blurry minds seem to crease larger than ever.

We are lucky: Daddy Instagram has two sides of the same coin. It teaches us to feel vulnerable and worthless, while also teaching us to empower ourselves. The Stockholm syndrome we’re pushing through every day to feel accepted by peers who have never cared will drown us if we’re not careful.

The choice. The free will. The will to take responsibility. Those qualities that we shut down even if they’re our notation grid for survival in a compact and routine-circled world. They’re the only ones who can save our souls. Flip the coin, check back in, don’t withdraw from the game.

There’s no value in giving up.

Giving up is easy, but it feeds the fear and the angst that will cripple you and make you worthless in the end. An empty shell. A nothing that even you don’t want to be around. And that’s when you’ll try to find crutches to go by. Drugs.

Alcohol. Sex. Gambling. Anything to remind you that you are someone, that you are alive, that you still feel something, and that you have at least one power, that of being able to shut down your feelings.

If you cram your head with prickly thoughts, don’t be surprised when you get stung. You’ve brought it upon yourself. Life has always squirted out beauty and toughies in uneven washes.

Wrap it up, get moving, but before you get moving, don’t forget to take the costume off.

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cinema couture

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DUNE A NEW DYNASTY IS BORN

BY CHRISTEN GATES WALL

Y

OU KEEP HEARING ABOUT THIS MOVIE, “DUNE” (2021).

But why all the hype? To find the answer, I persuaded my husband to join me on the opening night at an IMAX theater. His perspective is helpful because he knew practically nothing about Dune. In contrast, I read the books and enjoyed the early movie adaptations as a kid. By now, you probably know a bit about the source material. The original novel (Dune 1965) and the first movie (“Dune” 1984 by director David Lynch) likely captured the imaginations of your father or grandfather. Spinning off into video games, book sequels, and now this 2021 big-budget (USD 165M) Hollywood remake. Bolstering the film’s buzz is the star-studded cast you will recognize from the new Star Wars films plus Marvel and DC Universe of movies. The trendiest of all is director Denis Villeneuve who has moved us with Oscar-nominated films “Arrival,” “Blade Runner 2049,” and “Sicario.” “Dune” (2021) has all the elements for success. Those reasons should explain it all, but there is more to it. Luckily, I had my husband, the outsider, as a witness to the nature of the film.

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Smartly, the director starts the movie with a narration by Chani, played by actress Zendaya. She, a desert warrior, talks about the exploitation of natural resources of her home planet Arrakis, known as Dune. This sets the movie’s mission to address themes on anti-corporation and eco-radicalism. In this far distant future, everything from health to transportation relies on the resource called Spice, mined from the desert planet Dune. You can easily see the metaphor that Spice is like Oil and Chani’s people, the Fremen, are like Muslims from the middle east.

Costume designer Jacqueline West (“The Revenant” and “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,”) and three-time Oscar-nominated costume designer Bob Morgan (“Maleficent: Mistress of Evil” and “Inception”) bring to life a critical element of this universe, the Stillsuit.

A Stillsuit is an advanced water filtration system. It is a full-body suit worn by the Fremen to survive in the desert. On the planet Dune, water is precious and rare.

The Fremen designed the Stillsuit for recycling the body’s expelled moisture and filtering it into potable drinking water. The Stillsuit is the color of the desert rocks, which helps them camouflage.

The Fremen use the suits to fight back the evil overlords from House Harkonnen. The Fremen are seen lying inches deep in the sand, waiting for the perfect time for a sneak attack on the Spice mining operation.

The wardrobe team had the film’s Head of Locations bring back rocks and vials of sand from Jordan, where they would shoot the movie. They used these samples to develop the colors for the suits. It ranges from dark rust to a pale gray-beige and little to no personalization, making it difficult to differentiate people on Dune.

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The uniform theme carries into the wardrobe of all the cultures and characters in the film. The hero of the story, Paul Atreides (Timothee Chalamet), his father Duke Leto (Oscar Issac), and all the people of House Atreides from planet Caladan wear military uniforms for practically the entire movie. The costume designers site inspiration from the Romanovs for House Atreides’ formal wear, and the slight green of the fabric is a connection to the lush eco-system of their home plant.

Their rivals, House Harkonnen, are gothic in menacing dark and evil-looking black leather bodysuits. Everyone in House Harkonnen is bald, even women.

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Early in the story by Duke Leto’s Warmaster for House Atreides, Gurney Halleck (Josh Brolin), we’re told that the Harkonnens are absurdly wealthy and powerful.

And this is the point where as an audience member, you realize this world is vastly different than the one we live in today. Wealth in this universe has absolutely nothing to do with luxury or opulence. There isn’t a hint of shiny gold or silver statues in the entire movie.

No mirrors, no monitors, and minimal art. Wealth is about control. Control of whole planets, resources (the Spice), and people. Everyone in the film has a job and duties, even royalty.

of desert rebel warriors. The movie ends before any romance or revolutions take place on camera. It’s a setup for Dune: Part Two. I argue that Dune: Part One does not play by the usual Hollywood blockbuster rules. It’s slow to get to the action, there’s minimal dialog, and it is hard to recognize the transition between acts 1, 2, and 3. If you read the books or saw the old films, you know this story has something special. It transcends, even though the first “Dune” (1984) movie is commonly accepted as a failure in the eyes of the director and the media. Yet, there is something we love about young hero stories. The fantasy that it could be me. The story is elevated by the director and crew in a way that addresses sophisticated topics like the evolution of humans, religion, politics, and economics. It’s a movie you may not understand why you like or dislike it. It’s a movie that is going to continue to draw audiences who want to experience this fantasy and hope for a better world.

When you watch this film, you will be impressed with the artistry of set design and aesthetics. You’ll recognize the director’s unique style carried over from his other movies like “Blade Runner 2049”. However, if a film is to become remarkable, the audience must have an emotional connection to the characters and the storyline.

At its heart, this story is about a prince who is destined to fall in love with a desert warrior and change the world. It’s set in the battle for power among emperors, warring Houses, witches, and people with superhuman abilities. Fate connects the prince, who has yet to fully uncover his own superpowers, with a band

SIDE BAR An interesting character group in this film is the Bene Gesserit, commonly called the witches. They are a clan of women who protect a precious secret. They are building a bloodline over thousands of years that have superpowers in the hopes of bringing to life a savior who will change the world. This matriarchal religious group appears to operate outside the traditional political structure of the story. Their costumes in the movie are unique with some personalization, unlike the other characters who only wear uniforms. Lady Jessica (Rebecca Ferguson) is a concubine in the Bene Gesserit order. She is assigned to House Atreides to serve Duke Leto. In the film, they give her beautiful costumes.

There is a memorable scene where House Atreides ceremoniously arrives on Dune. Everyone wears uniforms except for Lady Jessica and her small entourage of maidens. Her costume is outlandish compared to the rest of the characters, giving her power and importance. Because so many people come to watch the ceremony, it’s convenient that a large, loud outfit is worn by Lady Jessica. Even from afar, we know who she is and what she’s about. In a post-COVID world, I expect the fashion world will explore more of this.

As we become accustomed to social distancing and wearing masks, will our fashion become something we need to see and appreciate from a greater distance?

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what do the stars say

SCORPIO 23 OCTOBER - 21 NOVEMBER

BY MANISH ARORA

You’ll be reconsidering your role in life, your personal self-image and your ability to influence others. This is a period when it pays to make an effort - the charm of your personality, willingness to cooperate with others and sense of humor will make a big difference. Love and romance can be favorable. Decorating, beauty treatments, the arts, creative pursuits, parties, dates, and recreation are generally favored now. You would value your personal relationships, in which you often take on a caretaker role. The people you meet would perhaps be a little quirky and certainly original, but possibly also quite inspiring. Favorable Dates: Nov 2, 6, 11, 15, 23, 30.

Favorable Colors: Blue & Red.

SAGITTARIUS 22 NOVEMBER – 21 DECEMBER You are in a practical frame of mind making it a good time for working on projects that truly matter, and for taking care of business. Restructuring and organizing efforts can pay off. Accepting the consequences of your own actions and taking charge of your own life will awaken the responsibility and maturity that places you on a higher level, where true success and fulfilment are now possible to attain. Dealings and transactions will work out smoothly and effortlessly for you, as you score one over your competitors. Favorable Dates: Nov 1, 4, 10, 13, 20, 29. Favorable Colors: White & Purple.

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CAPRICORN 22 DECEMBER – 19 JANUARY This can be a strong time for innovative money making or money managing ideas, and a partner or close friend can play an integral role in this. You have self-control and self-discipline to draw from and you can make real progress, even if it’s in small ways, towards your goals. There is a stronger desire to play it safe right now, but at the same time, you’re not afraid of a little change and innovation, as long as it’s within reasonable limits. Interactions are calm and doing things for others is a way to demonstrate how much you care. Favorable Dates: Nov 2, 7, 11, 16, 21, 24.

Favorable Colors: Yellow & Green.

AQUARIUS 20 JANUARY – 18 FEBRUARY It is a good time to focus on tasks that you’ve put on a shelf or that require a solid, practical, and focused mindset.

It’s a great time for reorganizing your personal space and for finishing jobs you’ve left uncompleted. It’s a good time to set emotions aside in order to tackle practical tasks. Take care of business now, and it will help take care of you later. This period will present a powerful mating phase, but those already mated may find trouble with supposedly secret affairs coming out into the limelight. Favorable Dates: Nov 4, 7, 13, 16, 22, 25. Favorable Colors: White & Green.

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PISCES 19 FEBRUARY – 20 MARCH Social and learning opportunities are emerging, but it’s important that you don’t go too far, and this is especially so for adding new projects or responsibilities to your life. There can be pleasing contact with a love interest and your communications tend to be respected. People may turn to you for advice, particularly for tricky matters. They can count on you for being there for them with helpful words and without judgment. Look for actions speaking louder than words when you’re considering the people in your life. Favorable Dates: Nov 7, 9, 16, 18, 25, 27. Favorable Colors: Yellow & Blue.

ARIES 21 MARCH – 19 APRIL It should turn out to be the prosperous period for you. You will receive many surprises, mostly pleasant. You need to keep your speech and communications positive and non-offensive throughout to ensure you do not suffer any setbacks due to your words, written or spoken. A steamy love affair is in the wind for eligible Aries, something which is likely to see you getting a complete makeover in everything that you value in life. You will probably accomplish what you set out to do, but what you need is patience—and the determination to overcome the challenges. Favorable Dates: Nov 1, 9, 10, 18, 27, 28. Favorable Colors: Red & Blue.

TAURUS 20 APRIL – 20 MAY This marks a period in which you can attain what you have worked for, and when your seniority and personal power is at its peak. Your inherent tendency toward expansive gestures will be enhanced. If you are prudent, you will overcome whatever physical obstacles block your path. You will be inclined to spend up on social events, luxuries, and fripperies, mainly designed to improve your sex life. Some

of you will be seeking to improve your social standing, probably via a love connection. During last week, you will tune out the “noise” around you and enjoy some time to yourself.

Favorable Dates: Nov 3, 7, 12, 16, 21, 25. Favorable Colors: Yellow & Grey.

GEMINI 21 MAY – 20 JUNE Overall, it is a fruitful period for you and the highest reward for correct actions will be your emergence as a more mature, productive individual with a definite idea of the directions your personal growth must take now, and in the future. Obligations to your domestic world can be at odds with a restless desire to strike out and do your own thing. Try to find a way to satisfy both needs, perhaps separately. You may be tempted to exaggerate your social status, professional position, intellectual accomplishments, or monetary assets. Favorable Dates: Nov 3, 8, 12, 17, 21, 26. Favorable Colors: White & Blue.

CANCER 21 JUNE – 22 JULY This is an auspicious time for projects demanding endurance or tolerance.

There can be stronger awareness of your responsibilities, or new responsibilities fall into your laps. You have a masterful grasp of organization, so be sure to keep all your schedules together and properly annotated. Emotions may be cooled, and you can appear to be unsympathetic. There can be some loneliness or starkness felt. Expect partnership and marital relations to be rather prickly. Others will stand in your way if you try to get to the bottom of things. Favorable Dates: Nov 2, 8, 11, 17, 20, 26. Favorable Colors: Purple & Yellow.

LEO 23 JULY - 22 AUGUST This is a time for trying new things and beginning new ventures. Creativity finds a successful channel or outlet. Beautiful energy is with you for getting the courage to express yourself more freely, romantic attrac-

tions, exciting new hobbies or channels of entertainment, and creative freedom. A spirit of openness helps to bring new opportunities into your life. You might choose to pursue a hobby or creative activity with great passion. There can be a release from previously limiting, rigid, or stifling conditions. Health might also improve, and you could become more mobile and active. Favorable Dates: Nov 1, 4, 10, 13, 19, 22. Favorable Colors: Red & Yellow.

VIRGO 23 AUGUST – 22 SEPTEMBER You feel especially liberated during this period, and events happening around now can set the ball in motion. There may be eye-opening psychological discoveries that help you to liberate yourself from difficulties of the past or from attitudes that have been holding you back from fully enjoying your life. Relationships are steady and committed, and the focus would be on fairness and equality.

It’s also a time to express emotions gracefully, diplomatically, and considerately. There could be a stronger focus on a relationship, partner, or potential partner. Favorable Dates: Nov 3, 8, 12, 17, 21, 26. Favorable Colors: Blue & Yellow.

LIBRA 23 SEPTEMBER – 22 OCTOBER This is a time to re-evaluate matters, not to give something up. Your career income should increase, but due to the plethora of retro phases, issues from the past and connected with hidden or concealed concerns will make themselves felt. If there is an inconsistency or error in need of correction, you’ll probably discover it now. People, groups, or relationships that you have been idealizing could prove a little disappointing.

Aim to keep your center and seek out activities that keep your mind busy.

You can learn from the experience, if only to get even closer to your longstanding beliefs. Favorable Dates: Nov 5, 6, 14, 15, 23, 24. Favorable Colors: Blue & Red.

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naked souls

FORGIVING IS GOD’S BUSINESS

BY VIRGINIA MAYER

W

HEN THE PANDEMIC WAS DECLARED BY THE WHO, I was living in north Bogotá, Colombia in a small studio where I had created a little, thriving garden in the balcony, a beautiful tiny jungle for my cat. I had found a space where I felt I could live for the rest of my life. I imagined myself as an old lady there. I had spent over a year decorating and completing it, and it was finally ready. Oh, I loved it more than any other place I’ve had.

Around June or July, after 14 years of a very painful marriage, my brother began to say he wanted to separate. It wasn’t the first time he said something like that, though, this time my parents and I were committed to help him end a very toxic relationship once and for all. He was very weak, and we were scared for him.

During more than 6 months, we spoke over the phone between 3 and 7 times a day with him, who was living in Florida. It was almost always the four of us, over a WhatsApp group call. I also -secretly- got in touch with his best friend and we kept sharing information about him to be able to always give him the right advice.

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When December came around, it was obvious he wasn’t strong enough to leave his wife. He was terrified of being alone. The vaccines weren’t yet an option, hence my parents couldn’t fly, so I started thinking about how to collect some money to be able to travel to Florida and force him to leave her, but then he said he’d pay for the ticket. He begged me to stay with him for a while and said he’d pay for the whole move and would take care of me for a year while I helped him out in his new life and looked for a job without any stress.

Indeed, a very good plan for both. I’ve been coming back and forth to the US my whole life, so it’s always been an easy decision to make the move. Even though it stresses me, packing and starting over comes very easily to me.

On January first, I canceled my rental agreement, I tried selling as much as I could and gave away the rest. My brother bought the plane ticket and three weeks later I said goodbye to the guy I was dating and boarded a plane with Mandela (my cat) and 4 pieces of luggage. I spent the first 2 weeks at a hotel while my

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brother got a new apartment and then we moved together. That first day I organized his kitchen. We were both quite busy and didn’t really talk much. Then came the following day, and everything changed.

I’ll say this: You plan everything. Every single detail. You think you’ve got it all covered. I’ve never been in an abusive relationship, but I immediately recognized the way he started treating me as abuse. The next day was the same thing, so I spoke to my parents and when the night came, I told him I was ready to leave if he would continue treating me that way. I hadn’t left my whole life to come to Florida to become his punching bag. He apologized, begged me to stay and offered to gift me some used t-shirts from his alma mater. He didn’t speak to me like that again, but his behavior became equally humiliating and painful. I knew I was bothering him by just being there and very soon I realized I had made a terrible mistake. I’ve fallen and stood up again, but I had never felt so lost and unstable in my whole life.

Even though he said it many times while my parents were listening, he then denied having said he’d pay for everything. I knew I wasn’t crazy. My parents had been paying for everything while he sorted out his divorce, and the agreement was he’d would pay them later on, but then he said he wouldn’t. And he didn’t. I don’t come from money, I didn’t have any savings, and this affected my parent’s budget.

I had to stay away from him for a while, and needed to be able to think with clarity, so my college best friend and her partner invited me and Mandela to stay with them in Philadelphia for two weeks. When I came back, I moved into an apartment a very generous woman lent me in exchange for Spanish classes. I kept looking for a job but couldn’t find one I really liked and didn’t get the only one I wanted. After almost 8 months in Florida, as I had kept my Colombian job remotely, and spending dollars while producing pesos became unsustainable, I decided to pack my clothes and go back to Colombia, to my parents’ house in the countryside, an hour away from the capital.

I had a part time job plus a freelance contract when I got to South America. I had a plan: I would live with my parents for a few months while saving as much money as possible, and at the end of the year I’d look for a place in the city and would buy all the basic things a home requires. When the contract fell through, it hit me: I had given away my whole life to help my brother, because it felt like the right thing to do. I never really had a relationship with him. We’ve been fighting since I can remember. Bad. Really bad. But over a year prior to my trip, we had gotten close and had been enjoying a new and loving relationship.

I had been working on “forgiving” him since my last two months in the US, because those closest to me keep saying I have to forgive in order to heal. But when I lost the freelance contract, again I was aware of the fact that I had lost my stability because of him. I hated him, yet again. I blamed him for everything. I thought It wasn’t fair that I was worried about having a job in order to save and be able to have my

own home again, if I had had all that before.

How can I forgive him, if I still blame him? How can I forgive him, if he still hasn’t admitted that he wronged me?

How can I forgive him, if I still feel so much anger and hurt?

I understand he’s hurt, deeply hurt. I understand he’s not acting as himself… But how can I forgive him? My mother is a very religious person, and her advice is always related to the Bible. She said forgiveness is a way of acknowledging you’ve been hurt. She says I have to forgive to let go. But I can’t. I’m not ready.

Even though I sometimes somewhat pretend to be, I’m really not a spiritual person, but I decided to do some research… The Online Etymology Dictionary defines forgive -a verb- as the old English forgiefan: give, grant, allow; remit (a debt), pardon (an offense). And it talks about a sense of “(giving) up desire or power to punish”. I also found a review of David Konstan’s book, Before Forgiveness: The Origin of a Moral Idea, by Ilaria L.E. Ramelli, for the Notre Dame Philosophical Reviews, which talks about “The modern notion of interpersonal forgiveness, …quite important today in religion, law, politics, and psychotherapy, was altogether absent from the classical world, both Greek and Roman.

What is more, it seems to have not been fully developed in the Bible, ancient Judaism, or early Christianity either, where the focus was more on God’s forgiveness than on human, interpersonal forgiveness. …the birth of the modern concept of forgiveness should be traced back just to the past three or four centuries”. I also went to Wikipedia (I know… I know…) and found out that in Judaism, you’re encouraged to forgive if the person that caused harm sincerely and honestly apologizes. Then, because Allah values forgiveness, Islam also recommends forgiveness. However, it also allows revenge to the extent harm done… Finally, Buddhism understands forgiveness as a practice that prevents harmful thoughts from causing havoc on one’s mental well-being, because it believes that feelings of hatred and ill-will have a lasting effect on karma.

Either way, I don’t believe in gods. I don’t believe in anything, so whatever any religion says about forgiveness, it doesn’t touch my heart. I believe, eventually -once I’m ready- I’ll be able to remember this lapsus without feeling hate or pain. But I’m not there yet. My therapist says you can’t force forgiveness upon yourself, she says the negative feelings will become smaller and smaller until they disappear. And I’m waiting, because right now I’m not strong enough to forgive my brother. Right now, I still judge and blame him. I’m still angry, I’m very angry. I can’t believe he still hasn’t said he’s sorry for what went down. And I can’t believe he blames me. I can’t forgive him, because, right now, I wish I’d never have to see his face again and I cringe at the thought of his voice. The pain has begun to disappear, though, not the anger. Not at all. Right now, I’m trying to figure out why this happened. But, then again, believing things happen for a reason requires believing in something… So, I started to try and figure out what I learned from all this, and there’s a very clear lesson: We’ve got nothing under control. Nothing.

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