Even for Me

by Sarai “Sopphey {V}ance” Oviedo

Technically, it was Easter morning. I made a commitment to my newly found Christian family to be at the sunrise service. I was late. Okay, not only was I late but I was also still exuding the remnants of the evening before. I was most likely still drenched in smells of cigarette smoke and liquor. Perhaps, the outfit of glitter and sweat still masqueraded on my person. I was 25. I wasn’t sure then, and I’m still not sure if Christ’s cup and loaf is meant for me. The holy meal, as instituted in the synoptic gospels, felt foreign to me. The rules and expectations of the meal, today as a graduating seminarian, feel foreign to me. My contextual, lived experience, and the way it intersects in the world today keeps me away from joining the feast.

It’s not because I lack community. I’m in my early thirties now. The beloved members of the 787 Collective Connect Call have allowed me a space in their hearts. They also occupy a large space in mine. It’s not because I don’t have some knowledge of the liturgical theology behind the meal. I am a seminarian after all.

There’s a little piece of me that is still afraid. Maybe afraid in the way Adam and Eve were afraid and they hid themselves. I’m just different. Just like that first Easter as a Christian I was different and drenched in the world. Now as a Christian of almost ten years I am different and saturated with concerns of my siblings. We live in a world of such uncertainty. We live in a world where virtual connections can separate us from the table. We live in this COVID-19 world where we are trying to force ourselves back to a normal that was not working for the most vulnerable.

And yet, I want to ask, will it be okay for even me to participate in the everlasting meal? In our heritage as Christians we assert that we are baptized in Christ. In Christ we participate in Christ as the body of Christ. We live our purpose for the edification of our community. In death, we are connected to Christ’s resurrection and glory in connection to the triune God. Not every tradition upholds the Apostle’s Creed, but we proclaim Christ will return. In proclaiming Christ’s return we assert the accountability of the church and Christians to be Christ’s agents on earth.

If we’re truly followers of Christ, the person who ate with the disenfranchised and most vulnerable, then yes, it is okay for even me. But, in the realities of tightknit communities, it’s not always easy to belong. It is not easy being different. The promise of the meal is a declaration of belonging. The participation in the meal is an affirmation of being called by name as a child of God. The table is open to all.

Native to South Texas, Sarai “Sopphey {V}ance Oviedo is a recent graduate in the Master’s of Divinity program at the Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary. As a student, Oviedo has held multiple positions in student leadership, had the honor of assisting in the academic position of instructional aid, and the pleasure of working for Education Beyond the Walls. Passionate for helping people, and in particular the people of South Texas, Oviedo finished his MDiv in the Spring of 2022. Oviedo intends to coalesce the folk wisdom of South Texas with the Christian narrative and scientific approaches to herbalism to nurture the region of South Texas.