debate issue 9, 2011

issue 9 2011

www.ausm.org.nz

1.

2.

issue 09 2011

ISSUE 09 2011 5 Editorial 6 Letters 6 Music Quiz 7 Creative Corner 8 Triumph Over Terror 9 Sport Heath Moore looks at the beautiful game

10 How To/Recipe 11 Pres Sez/AuSM Update 12 Riled Up About Royals

on the cover

Music

by Deanne Antao

editor

all rights reserved.

Samantha McQueen samantha.mcqueen@aut.ac.nz

designers

Deanne Antao Nonavee Dale

sub-editor Alisha Lewis

contributors

AuSM | Jo Barker | Petra Benton | Matthew Cattin | Alicia Crocket | Elesha Edmonds | Jess Etheridge | Brendan Kelly | Ksenia Khor | Selena La Fleur | Melissa Low | Ben Matthews | Katie Montgomerie | Heath Moore | Ashleigh Muir | Veronica Ng Lam | Tamsyn Solomon

advertising contact

Kate Campbell kate.campbell@aut.ac.nz

printer

Brendan Kelly explains why today’s royals just aren’t measuring up

This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM.

disclaimer

Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, PMP Print or its subsidiaries.

debate is a member of

PMP Print Ltd.

13 The Thin Red Donation Line 14 Marshmellows Feature 15 Musically Cool Listicle Ben Matthews tells you what you should be listening to

16 LA for the Lady

Selena La Fleur recounts her trip to Los Angeles to see Lady Gaga

18 Music Timeline

A very brief look at some of the biggest events in musical history

20 Avalanche City interview 22 Spotlight on NZ On Air

Jess Etheridge looks at whether funding is fair

24 Columns 25 Agony Aunt/Words of the Week 26 Suggestions/Horoscopes 27 What Are You Wearing 27 From Fat to Fab

Elesha Edmonds looks at the vanity of today’s society

debate magazine is brought to you by

28 Fashion 29 Reviews

• 10% permanent student discount* • We buy and sell second-hand textbooks* - instant cash if you sell • Over 100,000 books in stock* - no waiting weeks for books to arrive • Four stores Auckland wide • Open Monday to Friday or buy securely from our website 24/7

www.ubsbooks.co.nz www.ausm.org.nz

City Campus Phone 366 4550 Fax 366 4570 Email aut.city@ubsbooks.co.nz

Akoranga Campus Phone 489 6105 Fax 489 7453 Email aut.akoranga@ubsbooks.co.nz

3.

Write now or forever hold your pen.

debate is looking for awesome contributors for 2011.

If you are a news hound, sports nut, political guru, pop culture fanatic, columnist, reviewer, feature writer, camera happy, cover designer, cartoonist, general know-it-all or astrologer get in touch.

4.

For more info on how you can get involved with debate, email Samantha at debate@aut.ac.nz or pop into the AuSM office for a chat

issue 09 2011

directory reception

I

magine a world without music.

This time a year ago I sat, staring at a blank word document wondering how to write about how much of a role music plays in my life. I’m not just talking about the music that wakes me up in the morning to – that nostalgic 90s hit that I know all the dance moves to (you know the one) – but the way your music tastes define who you are as a person (apparently it makes me a bad person to like artists like Celine Dion or Josh Groban). This year, I wrote one sentence and then continued to stare at a blank word document for almost an hour.

Imagine a world without music.

Now, some of you will just scoff at this sentence. Out of all the things that could go in this world, surely music doesn’t rank highly. Imagine a world without food, clean water or flannelette sheets in winter; that will give people heart palpitations. But actually sit back and think about just how present music is in your life, without you even realising it. There would be no humming down the street, singing in the shower or whistling on a crisp spring morning (or in other words, no more Disney movies).

People would have to wake up to blaring horns rather than the latest top 40 hit that’s coming from your stereo/phone/alarm clock. Driving in peak hour traffic would be even more depressing without some 90s rap to keep you company (what, I’m the only one that raps to Eminem when I’m on the motorway?) and when the office is pissing you off, you have to grin and bear it, rather than popping in some headphones and letting the workplace fade away.

Movies and television, two mediums that rely so heavily on music without giving it the proper credit it deserves, would be dead. Inception wouldn’t have been the suspenseful mind fuck it was without the bellowing score from Hans Zimmer, nor would romance movies have women reaching for their ninth Kleenex without sweeping crescendo of violins and piano music. It still isn’t over? You would be wishing The Notebook was if it weren’t for the score keeping it humming along at a nice pace*. And Harry Potter wouldn’t be the worldwide phenomenon that it is without that whimsical, chiming theme song for us to relate to. Without music, watching pubescent boys fly around on broomsticks suddenly doesn’t have the same affect that it once did.

But more than the trivial aspects that music brings to our life (entertainment, a sense of routine), for most, music is so much more. Almost all of you will have that song that always makes you smile, no matter the mood you in. There will be songs, albums and artists that defined key moments in your life. Whether it is a song that played at a loved one’s funeral, the first song you kissed your partner to or the break up song that everyone has, but no one admits to.

So while it would be a catastrophe if soft flannelette goodness left the world forever, it’s nothing compared to the black hole that would enter your life if music wasn’t around.

Happy music month readers. Get listening to the soundtrack of your life.

City Campus Level 2, WC Building 921 9805 8am-5pm Mon-Thurs 8am-4pm Fri North Shore Campus Level 2, AS Building 921 9949 8.30am-3pm Mon-Fri Manukau Campus MB107 921 9999 ext 6672 9am-3.30pm Mon-Thurs

management

Sue Higgins General Manager 921 9999 ext 5111 sue.higgins@aut.ac.nz

representation

Veronica Ng Lam AuSM Student President 921 9999 ext 8571 vnglam@aut.ac.nz

advocacy

Nick Buckby Liaison Manager 921 9999 ext 8379 nick.buckby@aut.ac.nz

marketing/events

Rebecca Williams Marketing Manager 921 9999 ext 8909 rebecca.williams@aut.ac.nz

advertising

Kate Campbell Marketing & Sales Coordinator 921 9999 ext 6537 kate.campbell@aut.ac.nz

media

Samantha McQueen Publications Co-ordinator 921 9999 ext 8774 samantha.mcqueen@aut.ac.nz

sports

Melita Martorana Sports Team Leader 921 9999 ext 7259 melita.martorana@aut.ac.nz

vesbar *Or if you’re a dude with a hatred of Ryan Gosling.

Zane Chase Vesbar Manager 921 9999 ext 8378 zane.chase@aut.ac.nz For a full list of contact details plus profiles of AuSM staff & student executive and information on clubs visit:

www.ausm.org.nz

www.ausm.org.nz

5.

Letter of the week wins two movie tickets for Event Cinemas!

debate letters policy: Letters need to make it into debate’s mailbox before Wednesday, 3pm each week for the following issue.

You must give us your name when submitting letters to be eligible for letter of the week, but you can use a pseudonym for publication if you wish. Any letters longer than 250 words may be subjected to editing. Spelling and grammar will not be corrected. The editor reserves the right to decline without explanation. Most importantly, the views contained on the letters page do not necessarily represent the views of AuSM. Send your letters to debate@aut.ac.nz or if you want to kick it old school, PO Box 6116, Wellesley St, Auckland.

Letter of the week:

To all students who happen to be walking around the WE construction site Can you please walk just a bit faster? Or stick to one side of the walkway?

I’m sick of having to try and get past people who are casually strolling along the narrow walkway, chatting it up and taking up the entire path. I dealt with it before the break, since the weather was nice. I figured the coming of winter would motivate people a bit. But no. Yesterday, (Tuesday) I STILL got stuck behind a crowd walking two abreast, slow as buggery, apparently oblivious to the weather and the people behind them, while we were stuck getting thoroughly irritated and completely sopping wet. And I know I’m not alone in this, another poor drip broke off at the business building complaining about the sloths in front.

So please, regardless of the weather, if you’re not going to hurry yourself along, at least move aside so the rest of us can get to where we’re going.

Alex S. Re: Dude. Perfect - NFL Fantasy Files

Dear debate

I read debate each week and over the last few issues I’ve read students complaining about the food on campus. I think a more demanding issue that needs to be addressed is the state of some of the toilet facilities around the city campus! I normally use the toilets in WC block and the last few times I’ve got in there to use the bathrooms (at different times of the day, might I add) the toilets have been out of soap, towels sopping wet and the toilets being clogged with mountains of toilet paper (and various shit stains). Shouldn’t we, at an age where we’re considered adults, be able to go to the toilet without trashing the place? And AUT cleaning staff, just how often are you cleaning out toilets that are available for thousands of students to use? At the current state it’s in, I’m considering dehydration just so I can wait until I get home.

Sincerely, Disgusted in students’ hygiene practice

Scott

I have been trying to find behind the scenes footage of how Joe Flacco hit 3 clay pigeons in his

grandfather’s shooting range with nothing but his arms and a few footballs from the 2010 series, so I can suggest that they are REAL. They stopped doing it from then on because to the apparent ‘curse’. Much like ‘The Madden Curse’, where cover athletes subsequently have unproductive or injury-plagued season (which is now sqarely directed at Peyton Hillis of Cleveland Browns), the same applies in this series by Reebok.

Chris Cooley had an injury-plagued 2009 season, Maroney got so bad in 2010 that he was traded to Seattle, and Braylon Edwards led the league in dropped catches in 2009 when he caught a few passes blind-folded, which led to his exile to New York Jets. Only Mason Crosby was relatively spared from the curse.

But if you want to see more amazing feats, you should try ‘Sport Science’ as well. The first series

by FSN (which is now on ESPN) once featured Drew Brees playing archery target practice, Jerry Rice still showing his catching skills and range at 50, and my personal favourite: Gina Carano, or ‘Crush’ from American Gladiators, gently choked out the host, John Brenkus (he was later choked out by Fedor Emeilanenko, an MMA fighter to test choking power against a python snake).

Rocky

by Ben Matthews

a) b) c) d)

John James Peter Paul

2. True or False: Tre Cool once climbed the Universal Globe. a) b)

True False

3. Which of these artists has not won an Academy Award for best original song? a) b) c) d)

Eminem Lionel Richie Bob Dylan Mariah Carey

4. Which band swapped two of their members around, playing different instruments, during the Top of Pops due to them looking alike? a) b) c) d)

6.

Split Enz The Kinks Oasis Kings of Leon

5. Which band has a drummer that only has one arm?

9. What sport did Elvis Presley based some of his dance moves?

a) b) c) d)

a) b) c) d)

Genesis Led Zeppelin Status Quo Def Leppard

6. How many Grammy awards has Madonna won (she has been nominated for 28)? a) b) c) d)

Seven 13 19 22

Latin dancing Karate Gymnastics Cricket

10. What killed Buddy Holly? a) b) c) d)

Plane Crash Car Crash Drug overdose Drowning

7. What was the first Eminem song to go to number one in America? a) The Real Slim Shady b) Lose Yourself c) Stan (feat. Dido) d) Just Lose It 8. Other than vocals, what instrument did Michael Jackson play? a) b) c) d)

Guitar Piano Bass Drums

Answers: B, A, D, c, d, a, b, d, b, a

1. What is Paul McCartney’s real first name?

issue 09 2011

Tamsyn Solomon Flow of Music

This Week (May 09-13) MONDAY

9 www.ausm.org.nz

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

10

THURSDAY

11

FRIDAY

12 More AuSM events at www.ausm.org.nz

13 7.

Join ausm1 on Facebook Join ausm1 on Facebook

Like “ausm1”

Follow ausm1 on Twitter

Follow “ausm1”

It’s been a pretty good week so far for US President Barack Obama. After weeks of drilling and controversy surrounding the president’s policies, decisions and even his birthplace, Obama managed to come out on top.

First there was his winning speech at the annual White House Correspondents Dinner in which he poked fun at Donald Trump who had been spreading rumours the president was not born in America and demanding to see his (long form) birth certificate - finally released last week.

In his speech Obama depicted what the White House would look like if Trump was president (gold columns instead of white and half naked girls frolicking in the fountain) and made fun of Trump’s trivial concerns, such as whether or not to ‘fire’ Meatloaf from The Celebrity Apprentice. “Those are the decisions that would keep me up at night,” Obama quipped.

But that speech was nothing compared to the one Obama made on Sunday night (Monday afternoon our time). Facebook and Twitter exploded with messages and tweets saying the president was about to make an announcement regarding ‘national security’. “It’s all very dramatic”, tweeted CNN’s Anderson Cooper.

It’s rare for the president to interrupt normal programming in order to make an announcement, so everyone knew this was going to be something big. And it was. The world watched as President Obama announced that US forces had killed al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan, almost a decade after the September 11 terrorist attacks in New York and Washington.

The announcement, streamed live over the internet and carried by nine US television networks, saw thousands of Americans celebrating outside the White House, at Ground Zero – the site of the former World Trade Center – and in Times Square.

It was another one of those iconic moments in history that we seem to be experiencing so many of this year. One of those events that sends you rushing home to turn on the television, to log on to your Facebook and Twitter, or simply to let yourself be moved by the magnitude of the moment.

8.

While we may not have been as strongly affected by the news as the people of America, Osama’s death still bears great meaning for us and the rest of the world.

We’ve all been affected by the hugely jacked up security since the 9/11 attacks, especially while travelling. The words ‘terrorist’, ‘al Qaeda’ and ‘suicide bombers’ have become a larger part of our vocabulary. Mainly though, we all remember exactly where and when we heard the news and saw those images: Two towers on fire, crumbling. People jumping out of windows; people screaming.

The world became a scarier place for everyone the moment that first plane flew into the first tower.

Terror became a fixture in our lives and in our news – as did war. Former President George W. Bush launched the “war against terror” directly after September 11. The war has seen countless US and ally soldiers, as well as innocent Afghan and Iraqi civilians, die each year. It has been hugely controversial and people have questioned the motives behind the US presence in the Middle East, often citing Middle Eastern oil reserves to be a driving factor.

In light of this controversy, when Obama was elected president in 2008 he vowed to begin the momentous process of bringing their troops home. Another promise he made was to find and kill Osama Bin Laden. A promise which, on May 1, 2011, he fulfilled.

But while people have been rejoicing in the streets, it’s important to note the fight is not over – nor is the war. Yet in a moment of blind joy and relief, people seeking closure after the terrifying attacks of 2001 clung to the news of Osama’s death as a sign that it was all over.

“It’s over. It’s finished. We can bring our troops home now,” said one man during the BBC’s live coverage from Ground Zero.

But as the parties faded and the sun rose the next morning, a different atmosphere took hold of the United States and in particular, New York City.

Fear.

Security has been hiked up and everyone is on alert for a retaliatory attack from al Qaeda or, as most people are putting it, revenge. The news of his death will have been met by much fury and disbelief by Osama’s followers, who had watched him evade capture for almost a decade.

Notorious for planning anti-Western terrorist acts such as the 9/11 attacks, London bombings and various US embassy bombings around the world, it is scary to think what the already antiAmerican extremists will do now.

Kiwi expat Natasha Lewis who is currently living in New York describes the atmosphere there as “cathartic on one hand, fearful of what might happen next on the other”.

Many people believe that Osama bin Laden’s death will make little to no difference when it comes to the safety of the western world.

Foreign correspondent for the Independent newspaper, Robert Fisk, who has interviewed bin Laden three times, told Al Jazeera his death will have little impact.

“I don’t really think Al Qaeda needs a leadership and I don’t doubt very much bin Laden was still the leader. He was certainly the founder…but to suggest he was in control of Al Qaeda…is complete rubbish. I think he spent most of his time in hiding.”

Whether Fisk’s opinion is true or not, the fact remains that Osama bin Laden’s death has been

a huge boost to the morale of a country living in a season of fear and economic instability.

It will also undoubtedly be a big boost to the popularity of a president whose ratings were slipping as a result of this. Many are already speculating that this victory will lead to a political victory for President Obama, who may have just secured another term of office.

Signing off on the operation to “capture or kill” Osama bin Laden in Abbotabad, a city roughly the size of Auckland on the outskirts of Pakistan’s largest city Islamabad, was probably the biggest decision – and gamble – of Obama’s presidential career so far.

And yet after giving his permission for the operation to go ahead, the president had to pull a poker face and perform his duties as though nothing was going on. He visited different cities with his family, met with tornado victims, made an impressive speech at the White House Correspondents Dinner and played a round of golf. And all the while, one of the most pivotal decisions of his career was playing out on the other side of the world.

There are so many things that could have gone wrong, so many different ways the story could have ended. FOX News, famous for its blatantly right wing slant and constant criticism of the Democratic Pparty, was quick to pounce on this fact. Yet a guest on the channel was also quick to point out another important fact – yes, it could have gone wrong. But it didn’t.

In fact not only did it not go wrong, it seemed to go seamlessly. Osama was killed quickly with two shots to the head, no US soldiers were killed and no civilians were harmed. His body was identified and disposed of within 24 hours, all in accordance with Muslim funeral traditions.

It almost seems too perfect. And this is exactly what the conspiracists and Republican red-necks seem to be jumping on. A number of conspiracy theories began popping up in the hours following the announcement. “Is Osama really dead?” “Why was his body disposed off so quickly?” “Show us proof”. Blogs and forums discussing the ‘faked raid’ and ‘death hoax’ have been buzzing online. How long till Trump starts demanding to see Osama’s (long form) death certificate?

Despite all the theories floating around, most of the world believes he’s gone. Most of the world is relieved he’s gone. And rightly so – his face and his name alone incited terror in a world already overflowing with the stuff.

But is it right for everyone to be so happy? To be rejoicing and celebrating in the streets the death of another human – however evil he may have been? Revenge may have been served but it also fuels the fight.

As Martin Luther King Jr. said, ““I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy.

Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

issue 09 2011

Tying up the beautiful game

The surprise package of the season is the newly promoted Blackpool. Their last appearance in the top flight was way back when Jesus was goalkeeper for Jerusalem. Although they are now stuck in a relegation battle, it has been their attacking style of football that has made them an instant hit among footballing fans. They surprisingly took points off Arsenal, Tottenham and Liverpool and were flying high before Christmas. Premier League fans, enjoy Blackpool’s presence while it lasts, as they have to face Tottenham, mid-table Bolton, and United, likely putting an end to Blackpool’s EPL stay.

The relegation battle heats up with five squads battling it out for survival.

by Heath Moore Thirty-eight games, nine months of hard slog. With three games left, a winner is yet to be found, Champions League and Europa League spots are still to be won, and the relegation fight has one last chapter to be written.

With 12 of the 20 English Premier League teams still fighting for more than pride, the season is alive and kicking.

The season started with four teams realistically scrapping it out amongst each other to be crowned champions. Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal, and Liverpool. Here is how the season has panned out.

Man United: Man United began the season with a side that was tipped to fall short for the second year running. With the absence of Rooney, and an aging Van Der Sar, Giggs and Scholes, the squad looked too weak to last the nine month ordeal. As predicted, Fergie’s mob slipped up early conceding points to Fulham, Bolton, Sunderland and West Brom. But like most years under Sir Alex, United pulled back points against title rivals, beating Liverpool, Arsenal, and Tottenham while watching the ‘Big Four’ slip up elsewhere. The heavily criticised Berbatov, Nani and new signing Hernandez stepped up scoring vital goals, Berbatov (21), Hernandez (12), Rooney (10) and Nani (9). United gained a grip on the title and now sit on 73 points, three clear of second place Chelsea. United’s next fixture is against Chelsea. The result of this will likely be crowned champion of England.

Many would be picking West Ham to face the firing line, but with their last remaining fixtures against relegation rivals Blackburn, Wigan and the safe but struggling Sunderland, they might spring a surprise, although the task appears to be just out of reach. Wolverhamption sit second-to-last, and are coming up against fellow cellar dwellers. With no superstars in the side, I anticipate Wolves will face the axe. This leaves Wigan in the final relegation spot. With favourable fixtures, an in-form goalkeeper, two star players, and previous years experience of relegation battles, Wigan will snap up enough points to remain in the Premier League. Blackburn and Birmingham are statistically not safe; however, all but a miracle will see these two clubs fight another year.

End of Season prediction: Manchester United have not lost at home so a result against Chelsea at the Theatre of Dreams will see United wrestle the trophy off Chelsea and become the most successful Premier League club of all time, with 19 top flight championships. The first division will welcome back West Ham, Wolverhampton and Blackpool. Sadly, Blackpool’s energy and positive style will be missed in the Premier League but we will welcome back the attack-minded Queens Park Rangers, the canary yellow Norwich, and hopefully the mighty Nottingham Forest.

A season that started nine months ago is finally drawing to a close. The title challenge is still in the running and the relegation battle has blood to be spilt.

Whether you support the high flyers, the cellar dwellers, or the mid-table teams, one thing is certain, the final chapter will have one last twist.

Chelsea: Current holders of the EPL, Chelsea went into the season as

one of the favourites and started the season in fine style, with five straight crunching wins. Chelsea continued their good form sitting at the top of the table until Christmas . Their aging squad struggled with the gruelling Christmas schedule, dropping 10 points over the Christmas/New Year period. Despite signing marquee players in David Luiz and Fernando Torres, Chelsea dropped down to third. A late season revival sees Chelsea three points adrift of United and has the chance to snatch the cup from United. Regardless of the final results, Chelsea will need to ship out the old guards and bring some life into their aging squad if they are to make a run for the title next season.

Arsenal: Arsenal was tipped to end their drought of silverware and

capture the EPL title. With a young squad, Arsenal were consistently producing results, putting pressure on Chelsea and United at the top of the ladder. Before the dreaded Christmas fixture overload, Arsenal had amassed 35 points, two points behind United. But, in the same style as the past five years, the title was in sight only for Wenger’s men to drop points in six of their last eight games, effectively ending their title hopes, along with any chance of silverware. If Arsenal can sign some experience, they will go a long way to seriously challenging for next year’s title.

Liverpool: Despite being arguably the most successful English club alongside United, Liverpool has had a poor run of late and this season has been no different. After 15 games, Liverpool was sitting a pathetic 11th place and pundits were going as far to say as they are relegation bound.

The under-performing manager and the lifeless Torres were given the boot. Liverpool legend Dalglish was installed as manager and immediately with the purchase of the new “Hand of God”, Suarez, and the physical Carroll, Liverpool reignited their season with some dazzling displays of football. From 11th, they now sit fifth, competing with Tottenham for a Europa League spot. With a capable manager and some world class editions to the squad already added, next season will be one where Liverpool should be serious title contenders.

Need someone to talk to?

Student Advisors are here to help you succeed at university.

You can see a Student Advisor about almost anything that is concerning you.

You can talk to us about any practical, social, academic or personal issue.

We are located on all three AUT campuses. If you need someone to talk to, come and see us today.

Drop in:

City campus

WB

Level 1

North shore

AS

Level 2

Manukau

MB

Level 1

Ph: 09 921 9450 www.aut.ac.nz/advisors

9.

by Alicia Crocket

HOW TO MAKE YOUR LUNCH, LIKE, TOTALLY POPULAR

by Alicia Crocket Have you ever sat down at lunch looking longingly at your mates’ meals while you contemplate the soggy unidentifiable sandwiches in front of you? Soggy sandwiches would have to be one of the most unappetising lunches; they’re the curse of students the country – and the world – over. But no more must you suffer the dreaded search in the bottom of your bag for the sandwiches that have been squashed by books, umbrellas and the odd drink bottle. Here’s how you can go through uni without ever having to eat a soggy sandwich again.

The most obvious solution to avoid soggy sandwiches is to buy one of those flash whizz bang plastic containers that’s the perfect size for a sandwich. You can put your sandwich in each morning and by lunchtime it’s still perfect, even accounting for that juicy tomato that’s inside. If you’re not content with just a sandwich and you’re sick of pre-crumbled muesli bars as well, you could go for a deluxe model box.

These lovely lunchboxes have separated compartments for sandwiches, fruit, nuts or anything else you might wish to have in your lunchbox. You can even put some raw veges in the separate compartments and make yourself a salad.

The other great thing about these containers is that they’re environmentally friendly because they’re reusable.

The next most obvious solution to the soggy sandwich conundrum is take something for lunch that you can put together just before you eat. Examples of this kind of lunch are bread with tuna or bread with cuppa soup (obviously you’ll need to bring a mug for this one and be able to get hot water from a student lounge). Other options are cheese and crackers (wrap cheese separately) or vege sticks/bread/ crackers with hummus.

The final solution is one little magic word – leftovers.

Whether it’s stuffed potatoes that you can have cold, or the remains from the night before, leftovers are the lunch that will make your friends envious. If your leftovers are not great cold, then you can heat them up in the microwaves in the student lounges. The other option is the food thermoses that you can buy – these have a wide top so you can get a spoon in there. Obviously it’d work better for pasta than it would for roast but there are many, many meals that are amazing or even better for lunch the next day. Make sure you buy microwaveable plastic containers so they don’t get melted when you heat them up.

So get experimenting with your lunch and get a reputation for being a lunch guru. You’ll be the envy of all your friends.

10.

Serves 4 Gluten free and dairy free if no cheese Cost per serve: $2.26 (bacon adds $1 per serve)

I love stuffed potatoes; they’re hot and comforting when it’s cold and they’re superb as lunch the next day because they’re just as good cold. The beauty with stuffed potatoes is that you can add whatever you want to them. I go through phases of adding corn, olives, mushrooms, feta, fresh tomatoes, tomato salsa, celery or cubes of leftover pumpkin… the list goes on. These ones have bacon, but I often do vegetarian ones or use leftover meat if I have any from a previous meal. It’s the best meal to use up all those little bits and pieces in the fridge. If you have dairy free friends and want to leave out the cheese, try mixing tomato salsa or some spices (cumin, coriander etc) through the sautés veges to give a different taste. This recipe is great if you’re cooking for one or six as it can easily be scaled up or down to suit your needs. You’re only limited by the size of your oven tray.

Ingredients 4 large potatoes 1 Tbsp oil 4 rashers of bacon, fat removed and sliced 1 onion, sliced ½ capsicum, chopped into small cubes 6 sundried tomatoes, chopped into small cubes 100g cheese, grated Directions 1. Preheat oven to 180°C 2. Scrub the potatoes, pierce the skin a few times with a fork and cook them in the microwave for 3-4 minutes per potato (or until cooked) 3. Put the potatoes into the oven for 5-10 minutes to harden the skins.

If you have leftover baked potatoes from the night before, you can just start scooping out the inside 4. Prepare veges and bacon/ham (if you’re using it) and sauté on a medium heat in the oil for 5-10 minutes, or until soft 5. Once the skins have hardened a bit, cut potatoes in half and scoop out the inside carefully with a teaspoon and put it into a bowl. Scoop as close to the skin as you can without breaking the skin; I normally leave about ½ cm potato next to the skin 6. Mash potato with ¾ of the cheese, salt and pepper to taste. Stir in remaining ingredients. If the mixture looks crumbly you can add a little bit of milk to hold it all together 7. Spoon mixture back into the potatoes and put onto a baking tray or into a roasting dish. Sprinkle the remaining cheese on top of the potatoes and put into the oven for 10-15 minutes, or until they are warmed through

issue 09 2011

Veronica Ng Lam AuSM President 921 9999 ext 8571

veronica.nglam@aut.ac.nz

Hey everyone! Here goes another week of study and life.

Last week we celebrated Pasifika spirituality where students and staff were given the opportunity to share and enlighten each other for those who are governed by their faith and more importantly celebrating the inclusion of the student body interests and voice – well done to all those who got involved.

Voluntary Student Membership (VSM) is still looming large and is set to come into place in 2012. If there are any services you are worried about that you might not want to lose or you just have an opinion

please email me and I will be happy to relay these messages to the relevant committees. This is an important time for us and it is equally important that we are representing you accurately and we are aware of your views in order to push through your perspectives.

AuSM AGM is coming up, so keep an out for us. Of course we will have lots of free food and give always plus the most important part of hearing how your student association is doing. Elections for 2011are just around the corner so step up and challenge yourself! This is a great way to give back to your student body and to and make a difference here at our university. I urge you to take a leap of faith and try something new. You don’t have anything to lose but you sure as hell have everything to gain! Remember elections close at the end of this week so make sure you get in to win!

Clubs for our new students are still around for you to join up to! And don’t forget the free feeds that we are running for you weekly: • Monday – Manukau • Tuesday – North Shore • Thursday – City Best wishes for your week ahead – Ia Manuia Your fellow president

Veronica

Free Feeds

This week you’ll enjoy mouth-watering macaroni and cheese with fresh fruit on the side at your free feed. We hope it hits the spot.

So far this year, we have received nothing but good feedback about our free feeds. If you have any comments or compliments to share email us at rebecca.williams@aut.ac.nz By the way, we are always looking for helping hands to volunteer at free feeds. Talk to one of the guys at the BBQ if you would like to help.

More pool than you can shake a stick at

You can play pool free at Vesbar every Tuesday between 6 and 8pm. If you fancy some friendly competition, we are holding a pool comp at the bar every Wednesday from 12pm. There are some great prizes up for grabs this year including a snowboard and a VIP paintball experience.

Turn up on the day or email kyle.richmond@aut.ac.nz for more info.

Give a little

on Tuesday and Wednesday if you can. North Shore and Manukau students can donate at local clinics. Visit www.nzblood.co.nz for info.

Square eyes

Thanks to Event Cinemas, AuSM has been pleased to organise two FREE movie screenings for students in two weeks. Last week was Your Highness and this week it’s Burke and Hare. We hope that all of the students who came along had a great time.

We promoted the screening through our website, email newsletter, Facebook and debate giving all students the chance to come along.

If you missed out this time stay tuned for information on the next one.

Battle it out

Last call for entries in our Battle of the Bands competition!

Win recording time at Red Bull studio, bar tabs and an Orientation gig PLUS the winner of each heat will get a bar tab.

Enter online or contact us for more information.

NZ Blood Service are back to collect on the City campus. Drop into WA224 between 10 and 4pm

www.ausm.org.nz

11.

Sex, Booze and Inbreeding: Why today’s royals just aren’t measuring up

by Brendan Kelly

“The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race.”

Mark Twain on Kate’s wedding dress “You there – slave girl! Bring me more hwiiiiine!”

King Richard the Lionheart on life

12.

M

odern royalty.

Characterised by manky teeth, shared bloodlines and an apparent ability to never, ever die; characteristics present in only one other social group – vampires. The union of goonish Prince William (aka Duke of Cambridge, aka Earl of Stranthearne, aka Baron Carrickfergus, aka twat) and professional accessory-buyer Kate Middleton was a media event that drew the attention of one third of the world’s population. For a wedding.

(As an aside, they’re 15th cousins, which means y’all tuned in to watch a couple of hillbillies get hitched. How ‘bout that.)

Now let’s talk old school royalty. Real royalty. English kings who while away the hours finding different people to bellow at. Roaring for alcohol and women and various other things to put in their mouths until they get drunk enough to fight somebody. Like the French. This was a time when royalty actually did something. A queen wasn’t merely a figure head; she started revolutions, or sat in her castle weaving lush tapestries while thinking of rich witticisms about peasants and cake. A time when royalty earned its name.

And yet nobody seems to care that such times have faded. No one minds that today’s royalty are but a shadow of what they once were. They smile and wave and don’t quaff anything and we lap it up. One million people flock to Westminster Abbey for a show and not one person is publicly executed. And no one bats an eyelid. Marrying your cousin is a fairly kingly thing to do, but that used to be all in a day’s work. The only hope they had of devouring an ox in a single sitting (decidedly royal) was with Princess Fergie and they actually got rid of her. The only talent they had left.

Which is why William has to act now.

He has one opportunity to redeem the entire royal family. In one fell swoop of violence, inhumanity and, dare I say it, sheer and utter brilliance. In order to preserve the reputation of the royals.

Not today’s brand of royals, but the womanising, feasting, crusading royals of the past. There is only one course of action.

Kill Katie.

If you think about it it’s the only smart move. If William gets all Henry VIII medieval on his bride, the consequences will be huge. After a nice public execution (the crime is irrelevant. Say she was a witch, that always works), the era of ‘do whatever we want, whenever we want’ royalty will return. The Queen will obviously pardon William immediately (pretty sure she can do that, I didn’t Google it but I’m making an assumption, poetic licence, whatever just leave it. And he is family, after all). This will leave the way clear for him to re-marry, also in the fine tradition of Henry. And what better choice of bride to revive

the royal reputation than Pippa, the smoking hot sister of Kate herself. And she’s not even a witch. Think of the outcry, the furor as William marries his dead wife’s sister. Two weeks after his first wedding. Classic royal move.

The next step in bringing royalty back is to get king-style ruthless. Like Simba, we just can’t wait to be king. So next to go is Prince Charles, and then Queenie herself. Nothing could be simpler for a true king. Charles is easy; grab hold of those ears and yank. That head’ll pop right off, there’s no way that thing is real. As for the Queen, well, she’s on the verge anyway. Rent Paranormal Activity and buy a coffin.

Now that the crown is firmly on his head, the new king has a lot to deal with – the economy, social conditions, and the happiness of his people. So he will have to spend an afternoon sorting that, before turning his entire kingly attention to more important matters – producing an heir. At this point he may begin cavorting wildly, attempting to impregnate whatever moves in the hopes of producing a son with the correct number of limbs (unlikely given the whole cousin thing).

Finally, after having 14 little girls, Pippa procures a male heir to the throne. Of course by this time Big Willy has been hard at work screwing everything in sight and has a plethora of illegitimate love-children. The only thing that remains unfertilised is the fields, because irrigation comes second to the perpetuation of the royal line. The peasants are growing restless as the economy crashes. Talk of revolution is in the air.

Meanwhile Pippa grows unhappy with her role as a mobile womb, immediately before it is discovered she is a practitioner of the dark arts. After the burning, King William sinks ever further into his trough of decadence.

The peasants run riot in the streets, brandishing pitchforks and flaming torches because all the gun shops have gone out of business. The royal palace is ransacked and the king is dragged to the town square, where he is hung, drawn and quartered, his disembodied head paraded around the villages for all to see. The rest of the royal family suffers a similar fate.

This plan of attack appeals for three reasons. Firstly, it would indicate a return to strength of one of the greatest groups in history – the real, red-faced, roaring royal. Secondly, it means I would never, ever again have to spend two weeks of my life hearing about the wedding dress of somebody I neither know nor care about. And thirdly, it gets rid of the royal family.

I don’t see a downside to the plan. A little starvation and oppression is a pretty small price to pay for freedom from a tradition even more insipid than Halloween. Check, royals.

Your move.

issue 09 2011

by Ashleigh Muir

Myelodysplastic Syndrome.

Acute Myelogenous Leukaemia.

Medical jargon means very little to most of us; it looks more like a mumble-jumble of letters thrown together to make doctors sound smarter. But these words mean a whole lot more to those who suffer from them.

Three years ago, a man and his wife went to donate blood in Nelson.

He had been donating blood for 25 years when suddenly, out of the blue, his haemoglobin levels caused those at New Zealand Blood to be concerned. Thinking there had been a mistake, Allen’s levels were re-tested. Then more blood was taken and sent to the lab for testing.

Suddenly Myelodysplastic Syndrome was a reality.

Allen’s body was not producing red blood cells. He went in for his first blood transfusion dressed to go to work following the transfusion. He was going to get three units of red blood cells and carry on with his day. But the transfusion took all day. The first unit alone took three hours to transfuse.

Allen’s life had changed. The man who didn’t like to sit around doing nothing became lethargic, he lacked the energy to be bothered.

Red blood cells carry oxygen around the body, giving it energy to work. But Allen didn’t have many red blood cells.

“I don’t have blood really, so my concentration is lost,” he said.

He started receiving three units of red blood cells as he required them, but as time went by he became transfusion dependent. Every three weeks Allen would receive four units of red blood cells. When a person donates a unit of blood, it is split into its three major components – plasma, platelets and red blood cells. While Allen required the blood of four donors, he did not use all of the blood; the other components went to other patients.

No longer working, Allen gauged his levels for each day by his ability to do the Sudoku in the newspaper. He would normally complete the ‘hard’ Sudoku, but if he couldn’t, or found himself only doing the ‘easy’ or ‘medium’, he knew he was lower than he realised.

While waiting for a transfusion, Allen was called into his doctor’s office. Myelodysplastic syndrome had jumped the fence, going from bad to worse. Acute Myelogenous Leukaemia is a nasty form of cancer requiring immediate treatment. Allen was told to go to Christchurch that day. He went home, talked to his sons and then drove down with his wife to arrive the following day.

“Well that was shit awful bad luck,” he said was his first response to the news.

“Had I not gone urgently, it wouldn’t have been good,” he said.

After countless blood transfusions, three rounds of chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant Allen is still not out of the woods.

The bone marrow donor’s DNA is fighting Allen’s DNA. Any blood he receives is irradiated so that he does not develop serious complications.

His blood type has changed from O+ to O-, the type of his bone marrow donor.

Reflecting on the process, Allen said, “Some people started with me, through the same process. Along the way they have gone by the wayside. Their bodies haven’t coped with the process”. www.ausm.org.nz

There are many different types of cancer, and blood related cancer; and each case is different. Allen is one of many. But 22 per cent of donated blood goes to cancer patients.

Eighteen per cent goes to accident victims; seven per cent to babies and pregnant women; another seven per cent to patients with heart disease; six per cent to those with liver and kidney disease; 11 per cent to bone surgery patients and 13 per cent to other surgeries, 14 per cent to other medical conditions and two per cent to children.

Blood can only be stored for 35 days but 42,000 New Zealand patients require blood or blood products every year in New Zealand. With only four per cent of people donating, it causes a big strain on the New Zealand Blood Service.

You can help patients like Allen by donating blood regularly. A person can donate whole blood every three months and save up to three lives with every donation.

It is a simple way to donate to a great cause without having to pull out your wallet.

13.

U

niversity magazines are fantastic. If you’re looking for biting social commentary and witty, relevant repartee this is the first place to look. Unfortunately I have little knowledge of current affairs and can’t give an opinion on which construction company was commissioned to build Kate’s wedding dress, nor how many hungry Tanzanians could have been saved if she’d skimped on the lace a bit and donated the savings to charity (bit of satire for you there, look at that). But I hate to disappoint you, the readership of

debate. I know you expect so much from this magazine. So what I have instead is a brief history, nay, a biography, nay, a critique, of the squishy pink and white nightmare that is the common household marshmallow.

Before I extol the numerous grievances of the marshmallow against mankind, a little background is required. I put the marshmallow on the stand not out of spite, but necessity. If someone told you that their favourite book was Mein Kampf, would you not question their integrity? If the kindly old lady at the supermarket invited you to partake in her underground street fighting ring, would you not attempt to distance yourself from her? A person’s interests are important. It matters that the person you’ve just met didn’t like Return of the Jedi. It’s

14.

by Brendan Kelly important to ascertain such things. We humans are a shallow, superficial race. We are told not to judge a book by its cover; instead, we read the backflap, look at the pictures and then bullshit the rest.

Any first year Comms girl will tell you that stereotyping is social shorthand. In between giggles and primping.

A person’s interests can tell you a lot about them. If they didn’t like Star Wars, you can assume they have poor taste in movies and an aversion to green midgets. If their favourite book is New Moon you can be sure they lounge in dark corners and drink cranberry juice

botanist strolling through his herb garden spied his marshmallow plant (located conveniently next to his candy-floss bushels, beneath the spongecake tree), known to be a cure for everything from boils to urethritis. Combining the roots of the mystical plant with some sugar and water, the first marshmallow was born.

Unfortunately, this would turn out to be the high point of the marshmallow’s existence. The labour intensive process of growing and harvesting the fabled plant (which can only be planted under a gibbous moon, and gestated within the warm confines of a

paying homage to an ancient sacrificial rite.

The marshmallow is like communism. It began with good intentions, but after years of having the key ingredients removed all that remains is a dejected looking blob with a name that nobody knows the real meaning of (ooh, look at that, satirical to the end. Orwell eat your heart out. Punchy, punchy stuff). Riiight. As this article has gone on a number of things have become clear to me. I wrote this on a whim, and the majority of it has consisted of pointing out that a ‘marshmallow plant’ sounds like something that sounds like it doesn’t really exist, even though it does. I also attempted a few sarcastic comments throughout the article about how pointless it is, which I had hoped would come across as ironic.

It now becomes clear that while out of their friend’s belly buttons. unicorn’s belly) did not stand my words have not only failed And if a person has a penchant for the test of time. The booming to be ironic, they have in fact pineapple you may safely be assured demand for marshmallows led to ended up being prophetic and of the fact that your new friend cutbacks, including the removal this article really is a shocking has a juicy and delicious centre, of all traces of the marshmallow attempt at, well, anything. So to despite his rough skin covered in plant. And so the arcane plant summarise, marshmallows aren’t waxy leaves. But of all foods, the of the marshmallow vanished at all an acceptable allegorical marshmallow is the most deceptive. forever into the mists of antiquity, representation for a communist You would be wise to be wary of fiercely protected by a legion of view point, nor are they squishy one who claims the marshmallow minotaur(s?) and tended lovingly by marijuana. They aren’t even as their favourite food. the ghost of Dobby the house elf. particularly malevolent. Quite The career of the marshmallow The true nature of the frankly this is a little awkward; has been fraught with controversy. marshmallow has always been you read 900 words of gibberish, In the beginning, the marshmallow thinly veiled. Many secret societies and what do you have to show was used for medicinal purposes, keep tabs on the confectionery, for it? Nothing, except a minor like squishy marijuana. A humble holding ritualistic ceremonies inflammation from your paper where they sacrifice ‘marshmallows’ allergy and the faintest feeling through burning. The meaning that you are slightly less intelligent of this practice has since been than when you started reading. I lost, and many innocents partake would like to apologise on behalf in the roasting of marshmallows of the magazine for making you sit not knowing that they are in fact through it. The moral of the story is, be more discerning in what you read next time and maybe we can avoid this situation altogether.

I think I’ll stop now.

issue 09 2011

I

magine this. You are sitting, waiting for the train with your iPod in your ear, and suddenly a friend comes up to you and asks you what you are listening to. The last thing you would want to admit is that you’re listening to Abba, Celine Dion or even worse, Justin Bieber. This guide has been created so that you won’t be in a difficult situation like this. And if you want to be considered cool in terms of your music tastes, you need desperately need to listen to cool stuff. For a band (or artist) to be cool, they have to be defining for that era. They didn’t try too hard to be cool, they just were. Justin Bieber may be big right now, but he is not the defining act of the decade, and the fact that he is trying too hard to be cool proves that he’s not cool. So what bands are cool?

by Ben Matthews

The Beatles

Let’s start from the beginning. The Beatles were the first fad, the Justin Bieber of their era.

But unlike Justin Bieber, they were actually pretty decent. And instead of indulging in the limelight, with thousands of fans screaming, they decided to retire from touring so that they could lock themselves in the recording studio creating masterpieces. Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band states it all; it is what I call perfection, something Justin Bieber could only dream of doing. And where the Beatles music has stood the test of time, Justin Bieber’s music will be forgotten about in a few years time. In fact, people will be embarrassed by liking him, just like the Spice Girls, Hanson and Bay City Rollers (if you don’t know who they are, ask your parents, and watch as their faces turn red).

Being schooled on what is musically “cool”

Sandinista that took everything to its limits.

Two and a half hours of pure self-indulgent music, you cannot get any better than that.

The Pixies

Although Nirvana was cool, the Pixies were cooler. The founders of grunge, they were able to top the iTunes chart when they released the reunion single. This is because they are the biggest influence on modern music. The ‘loud-soft’ formula, they invented it. Releasing four albums between 1988 and 1991, they were miles ahead of their contemporaries. Their song Debaser scared the living shit out of me the first time I listened to it. Screaming vocals singing about violence, self-mutilation, violence of biblical proportion, and my personal favourite, UFOs, you cannot get cooler than that. Not for the faint hearted though.

world that actually know how to use autotune properly, and he managed to recover from the MTV Music Awards controversy when everyone said he wouldn’t.

Fat Freddy’s Drop

Seeing that it’s New Zealand Music Month, I should mention a few New Zealand bands. Fat Freddy’s Drop is a New Zealand favourite, and possibly one of the best reggae bands at the moment. Reggae has been hip since Bob Marley, however, Fat Freddy’s Drop takes it to a new level. They are so laid back that they might fall out of their chairs but they could go for hours jamming and no one would complain.

Street Chant

Out of all the local indie bands, Street Chant are without a doubt the best band at the moment. Their debut album Means, released The Ramones The Killers last year, was a mixture of grungy noisy postLeather jackets, leaning against the wall…

It’s time for a modern band. The Killers are cool feminist angst, with an added dose of pure the Ramones only had to enter the room and simply for their album Sam’s Town, one of the awesomeness. Although the album is great, it is everyone else would drop down worshiping best albums of the last 10 years, with plenty of the last two tracks on the album, Cloud Jumper, them. The Ramones were the original punk synthesizers done in a 70s revival style. From a song that sound as if its came right off Sonic rock band, year zero for punk. And their music this album alone we can forgive them for Day Youth’s masterpiece Daydream Nation, and The was so poppy while still having an edge to it, and Age and countless crappy Christmas songs. Password Is Password, a haunting finale (oh god, making it popular among both the mainstream this is starting to sound like a music review), and underground crowd, but the underground The Young Veins that shows that Street Chant are a force to be crowd as well, and that is cool. (Ignore the It’s pretty difficult to put the words “cool” and reckoned with. They have a toured the US a few movie they made, it never was made, along with “emo” together, but the Young Veins are an times in the past year or so and are the band to all the Beatles movies.) exception to the rules. Founded by ex-members watch in the future. Oh, and their version of of Panic! At The Disco, the Young Veins are Young Blood is far better than the original.

The Clash like some 60s revival bands. Pretty much jump Everyone loves rebels, especially rebels that Although there are plenty of other acts that I from the album Help by the Beatles to Take A play clay pigeon shooting with real pigeons on Vacation by the Young Veins and you wouldn’t could have mention, I have very limited amount the rooftop and then are mistaken as terrorists. hear much of a difference, other than the Young of space. Some artists people would disagree The Clash were the coolest punk rock band. about, and there will be others that people Veins having an American accent. I bet you They made sure tickets to their concerts were think deserve to be on this list. One thing’s for never knew emo could be so awesome. cheap and that people got good value for their sure, no one will be singing “Friday, Friday” in money with some of the longest albums ever Kanye West another year or so… hopefully. to be made by pretty much anyone. Although Yo, I’mma gonna let you finish but Kanye West London Calling was a pretty good album, with is cooler than you expect. For a rapper, he’s classic reggae-punk songs, it was their album pretty good. He is one of the few people in the

www.ausm.org.nz

15.

»»by Selena La Fleur

As my Air NZ flight descended into LAX airport, I knew right then and there that this was going to be one hell of a trip. Sure, with the added bonus of free flights and tickets to see Lady Gaga we (my sister and I) thought we were well equipped. Ten days in LA, next to nothing packed in my giant suitcase and armed with The Lonely Planet Guide to California, we caught the first bus we saw to Santa Monica.

Straight away, I realised LA bus drivers don’t fuck around. If you don’t have the exact change to put in the machine you’re turned away.

Even if you have the right change, if you are slow putting it in the machine, you get a quick “HURRY UP. I DON’T HAVE ALL DAY!”. I liked this no-bullshit approach to the LA bus system; I think Auckland should warmly welcome this to help the buses run on time.

After my quick introduction to the bus system, we were on our way to Santa Monica.

Or so we thought. The bus decided to drop us off at Venice Beach. This area – renowned for its beachside markets, hobos, carnival freaks and legalised herbal remedies – was a delightful start to our trip. We stuck out like a sore thumb, due to the fact it was raining and I was in jandals and shorts. So much for being the sunny golden state. We had no accommodation booked so rocked up to the first lodge we saw.

Thankfully, the nice Mexican lady could put us up for three nights for a cheap rate.

Settled in, we decided to explore the area of Santa Monica. Difficult obstacles became apparent, in the form of crossing the road.

Firstly, America not only has backward flushing toilets (anti clock-wise), but they drive on the wrong side of the road too. Not knowing which way to look made this a petrifying experience.

Secondly, their pedestrian crossing buzzers

16.

don’t buzz. You push it and wait to cross. There were numerous times that I was oblivious when the green man sign was on and everyone was crossing and I was standing there like a sucker.

It was apparent that we could not get a car for another few days so walking across the road became a difficult task and was avoided at all costs.

All my visions of what America would be like were of course, based on what I saw in movies and on TV. In my sick mind, I was expecting fat obese people everywhere, stuffing Big Macs in their mouths and A-list celebrities waltzing around the place. I had made a list and was determined to do everything on it. Some of the things on my list included: »»Eat a McDonalds combo and upsize if asked »»Consume a Double Down at KFC »»Get at least one picture of a celebrity (even if this included Disney characters) »»Stalk a celebrities’ house at night time »»Make friends with a bum »»Hire a mobility scooter, as this seemed to replace walking in most areas »»Spread the good word about New Zealand amongst Americans

To my amazement, people in and around Santa Monica and Hollywood weren’t overweight at all, nor did they gobble Big Macs as they walked down the street. The preferred cuisine was actually Japanese sushi bars and Middle Eastern food. The notion that everything is bigger in U.S.A still stood though. Those Starbucks takeaway cups are frickin’ huge. Disappointed with what the media at home was telling me about how fat Americans were, I focussed on the bright lights of Hollywood to scope out celebrities and make important connections within the entertainment industry so I could abandon my studies back at home and star in my first movie.

Hey, dreams are free, right?

We took a tour around to see the star’s homes. The tour should really be renamed ‘The Stars’ Gates Tour” cos that’s basically all I saw.

Big, scary electronic gates and a glimpse of a mansion. Except for Arnold Schwarzenegger’s house; he has a statue of himself in his front garden for all to see. And they all live so bloody close to one another. The Playboy mansion is directly opposite Victoria and David Beckham’s house, which is right next to Jennifer Aniston who lives directly opposite Will Smith. It was a little bit much to take in. As most of the houses were blocked by their big gates, my celebrity stalking plan was aborted.

I revisited some places on foot including The Laugh Factory, where big names such as Eddie Murphy, Dave Chapelle and Jerry Seinfield first debuted years before, The Viper Room where River Phoenix died of an overdose, Ashton Kutcher’s restaurant Ketchup, the first nightclub in California (Whisky A Go Go) and Hotel Roosevelt where Marilyn Monroe and President Kennedy had their alleged affair.

issue 09 2011

With all the gambling, drinking and smoking you’d think Vegas would have a lot of criminal activity but it is the complete opposite.

Beside the seedy strip joints, families are safe to bring their kids (although, I don’t know why you would bring children into this adult playground). Four days was not enough there, and I recommend at least a week to fit in the shopping and famous shows that Vegas has to Moving on from Hollywood we relocated in offer. Oh and the drive-thru chapel service, just Downtown LA for the sole reason I was on this trip: in case you have the urge to marry. to see Lady Gaga perform live at the Staples Centre.

I have shared the highlights of my trip, but I’ll include a brief review of the show, now that I can with any trip there were some low points. compare her to the show she performed last year at What struck me first was the division between Vector Arena. It was 10 times better and the fact it was the rich and the poor. In main downtown her 25th birthday made it even more spectacular. With Hollywood, it is three blocks of glamorous all the elements of her Monster Ball concert in full restaurants, houses and shops. After that, force she of course threw in a few new numbers, with you can see homeless people and addicts all the favourites and amazing dancing to add to the absolutely everywhere spilling onto the streets. mix. I would definitely turn gay for her. You heard it Apparently, when the Oscars and Academy here first.

Awards are on they just lay down the red carpet One could not do LA without visiting the main attractions. These being Universal in front of them and shoo the bums away. It Studios, Knott’s Berry Farm and Disneyland. We did all three in three days. Unbeknownst was more obvious in Venice Beach, where there to us, it was the beginning of Spring Break. With much delight, we shared the theme would be massive beach side villas and then parks with a billion sugar-and-soda-injected little darlings screaming and running almost an invisible line where the homeless around. Who am I kidding, that was us. I ingested enough candy, fizzy drink and fried don’t cross as they busked and begged on the food to feed a family of five for weeks. On my Universal studio tour I was able to see the streets. It’s crazy how they can live side by side. constructed streets and studios used for many Hollywood blockbusters and TV series Maybe it was because I was near Hollywood including Desperate Housewives, Jaws, Jurassic Park and the Bates’ motel used in Psycho. that the superficiality of it all struck me.

After exploring the sights and sounds of Downtown LA we boarded our plane.

Also, if you are without a car (like we were) Destination: Sin City aka Las Vegas (baby). After setting off the metal detector and being the public transport system is quite difficult frisked by four seriously thorough female customs officers at LAX, I was more than happy to grasp. A lack of signage to the Metro train to leave rainy LA for the hot temperatures in the Nevada Desert. For children, Disneyland station and out-dated bus timetables made is where dreams come true; for adults all my dreams came true in Vegas. The songs All it difficult to get to places. I don’t think I can of the Lights and Flashing Lights by Kanye West played in my head as I strolled down The complain about our bus and train system here, Strip. Yeah, I thought I was cool. as it is way ahead of the State’s system. Even Only in Vegas can you see the Eiffel tower, Pyramids, Statue of Liberty and Disneyland’s their parking meters are outdated. None of this castle all in one shot. Each hotel included its own casinos, bars, theme parks and even an fancy credit card or txt-a-park business that we indoor rainforest. I was in awe. It was in Vegas that we got talking to people at the clubs have, Oh no, in California they still rely on the and bars about life in New Zealand. As you may know, tipping is inevitable in the States, manual meters that display the time with an so with every drink order came and extra $1 for the barmen to pocket. One barmen in analogue clock. particular deserved his tips as he picked us out as Kiwis straight away when we ordered With that aside, I had a fantastic trip. I met our drinks. As the night drew on and with the liquor flowing, we found out he was a die some pretty interesting characters along the hard Flight of the Concords fan who knew every single line from every single episode. way and pushed any stereotyping I had out of Talking with him, he asked what sports we play in ‘New Zeeland’. I said, ‘rugby and my head on what I would discover in the land netball’, the look on his face was pure shock as he thought I said ‘knitball’ and questioned of dreams. us as to why Kiwis knit balls of wool as a national sport.

God bless America.

On one of the days, we ventured to the Grand Canyon on a five hour bus tour. I had done my reading up on the Canyon about all the conspiracies surrounding the desert and of course, Area 51. I learnt no one except for the employers of the military base are allowed in there, and even aerial photographs of the site are inaccurate to throw off anyone who would dare to go there. Government secrecy and aliens make a good concoction. Pity I didn’t get to witness any of these. The Canyon itself was spectacular.

Almost so picturesque and quiet, it looked like I was staring at a painting.

www.ausm.org.nz

17.

18.

issue 09 2011

www.ausm.org.nz

19.

Dave Baxter seems a bit overwhelmed at all the attention he’s been getting of late. Six months ago, his debut album under the moniker Avalanche City – Our New Life Above the Ground – was available online as a free download for fans who were looking to expand their music collections. Eleven thousand people knew about it. But one email from TV2 changed it all, with his single, Love Love Love, picked up as the theme song for the network’s promos. Now his inbox is white hot and you’d be hard pressed to find someone that doesn’t know the pop folk tune.

It’s an unlikely project for Baxter, who has previously spent his musician days playing in metal and hardcore bands. These days, he tells people to think of “pirates, penguins and accordions” when they ask about the ‘sound’ of Avalanche City. But then, he’s an unlikely “pop” singer, with his dark glasses and full beard, sipping tea on a Friday morning. He plays the manjo, the glockenspiel and the tin whistle and two years ago, he had never sung in public before. Now he has an album, which he wrote, recorded and produced himself in a country hall north of Auckland, which he would mission to each day.

Samantha McQueen sat down with Dave on a sunny Friday to talk about why he started this solo effort, writing an album by yourself and how the Spice Girls factor into his musical history.

20.

Your roots are in metal and hardcore but this project is so far removed from that genre.

Was that a conscious decision when you were making this?

Yeah, I totally wanted to do something completely different. But at the same time it’s got a lot of the same kind of theories behind it. Just keeping it lo-fi, keeping it fun and just doing it for the love of it rather than trying to get big, trying to do all that usual band stuff.

With hardcore, you just kind of resign to the fact that you’re not going to get big. No one’s going to hear you on the radio. And I kind of started this with the same approach.

I was listening to some of your live performances recently and you would never have guessed two years ago you didn’t call yourself a singer. How long did it take you to teach yourself to sing, so to speak?

It took me about six months until I felt comfortable enough to show people what I was doing.

What were the reactions when you showed people?

Most people were surprised. It was a good reaction. Obviously if it was a bad reaction I would have stopped. It definitely wasn’t good at the start, and I’m still not sure if it’s good.

There’s lot of room for improvement always.

You have a studio set up in your house, correct? So why did you decide to record the album at Korewhero Hall?

I like getting out with recordings and I like making recordings a bit of an adventure… I work out of my recording studio every day so otherwise it would just be me getting up, going to my studio and doing the same thing every day. It’s nice to make things special.

The album, our new life above the ground, is taken from lyrics from a song, You and I, rather than a song title. So how did you land on that as the album name?

None of the track titles seemed to fit the album I think. I think it was down to the last afternoon where the artwork had to go off, and the girl that was doing the artwork was like “I need an album name, Dave. I need it now, I need it now” and none would fit. So I just read all the lyrics and still nothing would fit, and I think I got to You And I; I read it for like a second or third time and that phrase kind of jumped out at me. It’s my wife’s favourite track and also her favourite lyric line. And it also really sums up the album I think.

Because a lot of the tracks on the album are about love, like You and I, Love Don’t Leave and of course, Love, Love, Love…

Also adventure as well; I think that’s all the way through. It really sums up everything. The picture on the album cover is you’re on the balloon and everything and the phrase matches that which also matches with the whole concept of the album.

www.ausm.org.nz

Do you think that love is the easiest subject matter to write about or the hardest?

I think it’s the most interesting. There’s so many things you can write about love I guess.

It seems to be the most common one that’s the most gripping.

Going back to the recording of it, you’ve used some fairly unique and unknown instruments in the recordings (manjo, glockenspiel, tin whistle). How does one start working with those type of instruments?

I’ve always kind of liked working with those instruments. I didn’t feel like I was like “right, I’m going to get all these weird instruments”, it’s just the instruments that I have used a lot in the past. I mean, I played in hardcore bands, yes, but I also wrote a lot of different music as well. I didn’t really set out to find as many weird instruments as possible.

You not only wrote and recorded it by yourself, but you produced it yourself as well. What do you think are some of the advantages or disadvantages to doing it this way?

The main disadvantage is that you just get incredibly sick of doing it. You just get so, so over all the songs because you have to listen to them too much. Once you’ve finished writing it, you’ve then got to record it yourself and you’ve then got to edit everything, make sure it’s all tight, you’ve got to produce it, so you’ve got to think about how everything sounds together, which is really hard to do objectively. So I’d kind of leave… I did all the instruments really quickly, within a week, but then after that I’d spend two weeks not listening to it, and then listen to it again and be like “oh right, this needs to be cut out, this needs to be added in here”.

Do you think you would take the same approach again and do it all yourself again?

I would it again in a slightly different way. I don’t like to do the same things twice and this feels like it’s done for me. So I’ll have a different approach next time but I don’t think I’d go to a recording studio or anything like that, I’ve always liked to make my own space.

You were saying before that the hardest part was that you just get so sick of the songs, do you still have any favourite tracks on the album?

Yeah I do. I still like the album. I think I’ve gone through the hating the album phase now.

Because I really did, I really, really hated it and I hated all the songs on it and then I didn’t listen to it for months and then I picked it up again and I like it again now.

know. It’s just so easy to reach people now, especially with Facebook and stuff like that. All the work’s all done for you. It took me like a day to organise the whole release thing, like put the site up and everything, so it’s super easy. As far as the releasing it for free on the internet goes, I don’t know, it depends on the band and how much effort they put into it and how much money they spent on it as well. I could afford to, because I didn’t really spend much money on it, besides my time… it just made no sense to sell it to 200 people and getting like $2000 when I could have just released it for free and have thousands of people get it.

Were you worried when you put it on shelves that no one would buy it?

Not really. I don’t expect to sell lots because 11,000 people already have it, but it’s just exciting to have a physical copy. And there are still a lot of audiences out there that don’t have it. And yes, you could have downloaded it for free, but there’s a whole new batch of songs on it, and the actual physical copy of it looks really nice and I know that a lot of people do enjoy physical CDs. This is a question I always ask every artist I interview – what was the first album that you ever owned?

Can I pass? The first album I ever owned…

I bought a Spice Girls tape when I was in intermediate and I was like 10. I wouldn’t have a problem answering but the reason that I’m a little bit funny about it is on TV One on the news, I let it slip out and they blew it up and made it almost the feature of the interview.

They also played the music video through the interview and everything. I was just like “ahhh”.

So now I’m real cautious about that one.

This is a solo project, but you have a band for your live gigs. Do you think this solo project will eventually turn to a band?

I love my band and I think they’re amazing musicians so it would be weird if I didn’t collaborate a little bit with them, but in saying that, I do write best when I write by myself, and I think most people are like that, so I don’t know. The next project, the next album, is totally up in the air, I have no idea what is going to happen with it, so we’ll see.

Final question: Now that the album is out, what are the plans?

Touring. We are coming up with plans. We have got a small lower South Island tour in May I think, and a nationwide tour shortly after that.

It’s going to be a unique kind of tour I think.

As soon as it was done you chucked it online as a free download for people. Do you think that’s the way to go for new musicians these days? Do you think that the internet has helped the music industry?

The internet has definitely helped the music industry, for sure, there’s no doubt about that.

And it’s better for smaller artists like me, you

21.

Favouritism on the airwaves?

A look at NZ On Air funding

by Jess Etheridge As we head into New Zealand Music Month this May, one topic that frequently comes up during the celebration of Kiwi-made music is funding, particularly from New Zealand On Air (NZ On Air). The system is run on the idea that funding will be available for commercially viable artists; musicians guaranteed to make a buck off music they create and sell. NZ On Air have come under heavy criticism from many areas within the music industry – music critics, record labels, university lecturers and the artists themselves – for funding certain types of musicians and not others.

Many music critics and reviewers frequently champion an NZ On Air overhaul, criticising the system for favouring artists who fit the commercial, popular mould. NZ On Air largely funds acts who create music that will sell to a large market, usually within the popular music genre.

However, many congratulate the government agency for supporting the Kiwi music industry, for without them the artist would have to raise the money themselves, which can take years.

Without NZ On Air, musicians would not have the opportunity to be played on commercial radio stations or be sold on iTunes or find fans in New Zealand and around the world.

Many critics and fans claim musicians frequently miss out on funding grants, which can help an artist create a basic music video for a single, because their songs are too long and would never receive commercial acknowledgement. But should this be suitable criteria when applying for a government grant? Should all New Zealand artists aspire to be played on commercial radio stations just to be eligible for funding, or should the government be encouraging musicians to create their own sound?

Annabel Fay and Kimbra are two musicians currently active within the music industry and who have both applied for and claimed NZ On Air grants. However they have not received the same amount of funding even though they’re both at the same stage in their careers. They both create music, they both strive to be successful in the industry but is one getting a better deal than the other?

KIMBRA TIMELINE 2004: A 14-year-old Kimbra Johnson places second at the Smokefree Rockquest competition after previously competing and reaching the finals once before. She receives a combined $7000 from her nationals’ performances to go towards recording her first single.

June 2005: $5000 of funding as part of the

New Recording Artists section is granted to Kimbra by NZ On Air. Deep For You, the first single, is recorded at York Street Studios.

August 2005: $5000 funding for Deep For You music video under the independent category.

The music video is played on C4 but does not gain much momentum.

22.

June 2006: $5000 for Simply On My Lips

recording funding.

October 2006: $5000 for Simply On My Lips music video as an independent.

2007: Simply On My Lips is released and charted

in the New Zealand Top 40 chart.

July 2008: Kimbra’s Simply On My Lips is entered into a world song competition, competing against the likes of Yelle, a popular French female singer, and Yael Naim’s New Soul. Kimbra would reach number 37 out of 68 entries in the semi-finals.

2009/2010: Kimbra reinvents herself, having a

drastic image change and writing music which shuffles her from the pop genre to the indie/ jazz pop genre.

KIMBRA BIO orn and raised in Hamilton, Kimbra found minimal success and exposure through competing in Smokefree Rockquest three years in a row. The competition, designed to give up-and-coming artists a performance platform, is recognised as mentoring bands which have gone on to make their mark in New Zealand music history, such as Nesian Mystik and Brooke Fraser.

Only in 2004 did Kimbra get a placing of second in the competition and went under the radar for three years afterwards. Steadily working away at her music, Kimbra released a couple of singles, the first called Deep For You and her second, Simply On My Lips, performed well in the charts.

She received four NZ On Air grants, two for recording the singles and two for accompanying music videos totalling $20,000.

Kimbra returned in 2010 after signing to Australian label Forum 5 Recordings. She released the lead single from her new album Vows.

Settle Down was widely acclaimed by critics and bloggers, including Perez Hilton, but received no funding from the New Zealand government for this single.

Instead she has been working alongside her record company, as well as using the Internet to publicise her music. The follow up, Cameo Lover, was released in late April and she has also collaborated on other artists’ tracks, such as Miami Horror’s I Look To You. She is currently based in Melbourne putting the final touches on Vows, due out in the next couple of months.

Source: Kimbra’s MySpace page & my brain.

B

Early 2010: Kimbra teams up with Francois Tetaz and Australian M-Phazes to record the lead single of her album, Vows, called Settle Down.

Late 2010: The Settle Down music video is shot and released. It is well-received online, particularly by celebrity blogger Perez Hilton who compared Kimbra’s quirky style to Nina Simone and Bjork.

March 2011: $5000 funding for Cameo Lover music video is received from NZ On Air. The music video is shot and slated for release in early May 2011.

In total, Kimbra has receiv ed $25,000 total for five different projects throughout her career so far.

issue 09 2011

NZ On Air ANNABEL FAY TIMELINE 2005/2006: Fay is approached by an A&R scout for Siren Records after performing at functions and events and is offered a recording deal.

October 2006: $5000 worth of funding grants

is assigned to Fay’s music video for lead single Lovin You Baby off her self-titled debut album.

11 December 2006: Lovin You Baby is released and spends eight weeks in the top 40, peaking at number 30.

February 2007: Another music video grant of

$5000 is awarded for second single Shake It Off

by Fay for Siren Records. One reviewer says it’s “confident and attitude driven, sounding like the offspring of the Scissor Sisters and Joss Stone”.

18 April 2011: Show Me The Right Way is released, hits number eight on the charts, having a polarising effect across many reviewers in the country. One reviewer calls it one of the worst New Zealand albums of all time, whereas others, such as the Rotorua Daily, celebrate its merits but gives it a mere three out of five rating. One music blogger, WitchDoctor.co.nz, can’t deny some of the album’s catchy tracks but calls out other reviewers for attacking Fay as they have.

In total, Annabel Fay has received $75,000 total for six different projects throughout her career so far.

A pop singer versus an indie artist. Who deserves more funding? Well in accordance with NZ On Air criteria, Fay supposedly fits October 2007: Music video grant of $5000 for the bill more than Kimbra. But should the Strong under EMI Music NZ Ltd. The single is agency be nurturing artists instead of playing released October 22 and peaks at number 18. favourites? The funding could be directed at October 2008: Music video grant of more initiatives, much like the Play It Strange $5000 for Home, distributed by 174 East foundation, to help educate artists about Recording Company. the industry. Musicians could learn how December 2008: $50,000 for an untitled album to represent themselves, make great career project, which we now know is titled Show Me decisions and give them the necessary tools to The Right Way. become entrepreneurs in a changing industry.

2008/2009: Fay starts recording her second The current system may work but as New album. It is completed and withheld for two Zealand musicians become more diverse and years, causing some to question whether the rebel against the criteria, NZ On Air will need album is dated when eventually released. to reassess their standards in order to cultivate March 2010: Music video grant of $5000 for New Zealand music future.

River music video, created under Siren Records.

Fay and crew fly to Havana, Cuba to shoot the video.

“NZ On Air is an independent government funding agency. We invest in a colourful range of costeffective local content, to extend choices for different New Zealand audiences.” - NZ On Air’s ‘About Us’ page. http://www.nzonair.govt.nz/ aboutus/aboutusnzonair.aspx Founded in 1989, NZ On Air claims 20 per cent of current radio airplay is New Zealand music.

NZ On Air claims to invest “97 per cent of our Crown revenue into local content”.

“This provides a diverse range of New Zealand voices, stories and perspectives to local audiences.”

NZ On Air justify their funding through three key values: Innovation Encouraging new ideas and quality production standards.

Diversity Promoting difference and competition to support the best ideas for the widest range of New Zealanders.

Value for money Making sure cost-effective projects are enjoyed by significant numbers of relevant people Source: http://nzonair.govt.nz

ANNABEL FAY BIO ew Zealand-born Fay attended school in Switzerland and was hoping to study music in Chicago but decided to pursue singing in her home country. She was offered a record deal with Siren Records, after she was scouted by an Artists and Repertoire (A&R) executive for the label.

Siren Records helped launch her first single in 2006 titled Lovin You Baby. Around this time, she released her self-titled debut album, supposedly funded by herself as there is no record of any grants from NZ On Air. Focussing on R&B and pop, her album made some headway for her in the industry but performed below expectations in the album charts.

Between 2006 and 2008, Fay received four music video single grants, totalling $20,000 from NZ On Air, which made moved up the charts slowly, giving her much needed exposure. Then in December 2008 she received $50,000 for an untitled album recording project, according to the NZ On Air website.

This eventuated into her second album, Show Me The Right Way, which has spawned two singles so far. The first, titled River, was shot in Havana, Cuba and received a $5000 music video grant from NZ On Air. She is currently promoting her latest single which is the title track from her album, the video of which, it is believe, she funded herself.

Source: NZMusician, Annabel’s official website & print interviews.

N

www.ausm.org.nz

23.

by Ashleigh Muir This is a time in our lives when we are constantly busy, whether it is one party or another, birthdays, travelling and other holidays. It seems we never stop and while we may take hundreds of pictures at each of these events, they tend to sit on Facebook and our computers, almost forgotten. Whatever happened to the good old days of flicking through the photo albums of all the terrible photos we took on film?

Now that we have the advantage of being able to click a hundred photos for that single, perfect shot, we don’t appreciate photos like we used to. Virtual photo albums do not have the same charms of a physical book to hold those precious memories.

Scrapbooking is often perceived as an expensive hobby. There is the book, the paper, the stickers and buttons and embellishments, the ribbons and the pens. But it doesn’t have to be. It is easy enough to create your own beautiful scrapbook on the cheap – it is after all, called a scrapbook.

24.

Never throw anything away. A difficult notion with the way we were brought up. While our grandparents may hoard everything, our parents throw away just about anything. My Nana carefully unwraps her presents so she can reuse the wrapping paper the following year. Mum, on the other hand, is perfectly happy throwing away rolls and rolls of wrapping paper every Christmas.

Follow your Nan and keep it all! Wrapping paper makes for great backgrounds, boarders, frames or even cutting out the pictures. Cards, ribbons, bows off old bras and your childhood sticker collection will all come in handy at some point.

The book itself doesn’t have to be a typical scrapbook – although, if you can afford it they are fabulous as you can always move the pages around and add more. However, a simple visual diary or large notebook from The Warehouse will be just as good.

Keep your eyes and ears out for cheap deals on photo printing. Harvey Norman often has 9c prints, but NEVER pay more than 19c – The Warehouse’s standard price. In fact, The Warehouse is the perfect place for everything you need on the cheap. Coloured paper, pens and pencils, double-sided-tape or glue sticks, giant packs of scrapes of card; you name it, they probably have it.

Keep your pages simple. For the most part, let the photos tell the story.

Embellish pages with a partial boarder, a couple of stickers or frame your pictures with patterned paper, but always remember that less is more.

You want the pictures to stand out, not get lost in the hive of activity across the page.

A picture may say a thousand words but if your pictures are discovered a hundred years from now, their meaning may be lost. It may seem like a long way off now, but your children won’t remember your stories like you do, so remember to record dates, places and names for future reference. Bottom right-hand corners are the perfect spot for this, or for a more comprehensive record, the back of the page.

Scrapbooking gives us a chance to tell our stories as they happen. They are easy to keep up to date and easy to fall behind with. They are special and unique and hold our personalities in how we put them together.

Cheesy isn’t it? You may always remember these years as they happened, but will anyone else?

issue 09 2011

Dear Agony Aunt

This Agony Aunt column is brought to you by the team at Health, Counselling and Wellbeing. If you have a question you would like answered email debate@aut.ac.nz and put Agony Aunt as the subject or drop it in to the Health, Counselling and Wellbeing office.

Dear Agony Aunt

How do I get a Chlamydia test? Where do I go and will it hurt?

From Worried

Dear Worried

Relax. Having a Chlamydia test does not hurt. Chlamydia is a sexually transmitted infection and is spread through unprotected sex (sex without a condom). It’s very common and as many as one in 10, 16-25 year olds have it. If you’ve ever had unprotected sex then it’s a very good idea to get checked. Most infected people will feel fine and have no symptoms, a few might experience some discharge, burning when peeing or pain during sex. If left untreated it can cause pain and infertility for both boys and girls. The test is quick and simple and if you’re under 25 years old it’s free. If you test positive treatment is quick and easy. So why not? You can get tested at Health Counselling and Wellbeing, Family Planning, Auckland sexual health clinic or if you prefer, your own family doctor. For more information on sexually transmitted infections go to: www.familyplanning.org.nz www.sexfiles.co.nz www.sexualhealth.co.nz

Lately I have been feeling really stressed out. Often I feel so anxious and worried and sometimes I find it hard to breathe. Sometimes at night, I can feel my heart thumping in my chest and no matter how hard I try I can’t get to sleep. Is there something wrong with me? I am worried that I could really lose it or that I have a heart problem.

From Freaked Out

Dear Freaked Out

It is possible that you are experiencing a type of panic attack. At least one in 10 people experience panic attacks at some time in their lives.

Usually this follows a period of stress. Panic attacks are an extreme form of anxiety and they can be very scary; often people think they are having a heart attack or a bad asthma attack or even that they are going crazy.

The symptoms can include: • heart palpitations ( rapid and/or irregular heart beat) • shortness of breath • trembling/shaking • sweating • a feeling of choking • nausea, hot flushes • numbness in the hands, fingers, arms, legs • dizziness • a feeling of extreme fear/terror or detachment Panic attacks can come on very suddenly, seemingly from out of the blue and can be very frightening. It is important to remember that they are not life threatening and will pass in a short space of time, usually four-10 minutes. You may need to speak to someone to help you through this difficult time in your life. Counsellors are available free from Health Counselling and Wellbeing. To book an appointment call (09) 921 9992 for City campus and (09) 921 9998 for North Shore campus.

by Katie Montgomerie

This issue is the music issue, so in order to celebrate all of our very different tastes in music, the word(s) of the week will focus on all of you that love (or pretend to love) music.

First up this week is...

Music Bandwagoner

This is the type of person who always finds themselves thinking that the new top of the charts song is automatically their new ‘favourite song’. These people are generally said to have no creativity in the music they listen to.

Example: “Melanie is such a bandwagoner, as soon as she heard Eenie Meenie by Justin Bieber had topped the charts, she updated her Facebook status that is was her all time favourite song.”

“Give her a break you scene kid, she’s only 12!”

Scene Kid

Scene kids used to come under the umbrella of ‘emo’ but with a few slight differences. Scene kids tend to have very straight jet back hair with bright streaks of colour throughout it.

They are often vegan or vegetarian and listen to punk/emo/goth/hardcore music. Being a scene kid seems to be attributed to at least as much of the clothes you wear as the music you listen to.

Example Think of the crowds you would see at a My Chemical Romance concert...

Now the next word will be one you have all heard of before, but I think it’s only fair to throw these guys into this melting pot of music stereotypes...

Indie

Indie, as I’m sure you will all know, is short for Independent Rock. It’s pretty much either unsigned or more obscure bands. The thing that indie-ism is most well known for is their arrogant elitism and not being able to talk about your music tastes because they are just ‘so complex’.

Example (stolen from a cartoon on Facebook): “I’m so indie, I saw a band by myself in an underground room and then killed them so I would be the only one who knew about them.”

That’s all for this week, I hope I didn’t offend too many of you out there (or do I?).

See ya next time!

As you may have already noticed, I chucked a reference to another shameless stereotype in there, this being...

www.ausm.org.nz

25.

Now that’s what I call Volume Nine Now Watching

Californication, Mondays at 9.30pm, TV3

This show is not for the faint hearted.

There’s sex, drug use, a hell of a lot of nudity and swearing and the morality of the lead characters leads you to question humanity itself. That said, it’s one of the most refreshing shows on television at the moment. There’s no laugh track, but the humour is even funnier, there’s no fantasy love stories (they’re all brutal and ugly) and none of the characters look like they’ve spent six hours in the makeup trailer getting perfect. I applaud TV3 for getting this show onto the airwaves

Now Laughing

Hannah Gadsby

Female comedians cop a lot of flak. Most try too hard to come off as a girl blokes would like to have a few beers with at the pub. That means, all they talk about is blowjobs, swear too much and sex. There are two sexual references in there, because that’s how much they talk about it. Hannah Gadsby isn’t one of these comedians. She doesn’t smile much and her jokes don’t sound much like jokes (usually a given when you’re in comedy) but she still makes you cock your head back and laugh until there’s no more air in your lungs. She’s self-deprecating, honest and a little bit awkward, but it works. Plus, there’s guaranteed to be no blowjob jokes.

Now Playing

Angry Birds

Angry Birds is quite possibly the most addictive game in the universe and the concept is so simple, you don’t have to be an expert at PS3 or Xbox to be ace at it. All you need to do is kill pigs with birds with a high enough score to get three stars. If you haven’t played this game yet, download it now (or steal a mate’s phone to play it if your technology isn’t up to snuff). Facebook and YouTube are so 2010 when it comes to procrastinating on assignments. I spent the better part of a week trying to get three stars on one level, and the satisfaction when I finally nailed it was second to none.

Now Reading

Every Book Before it Becomes a Film

Obviously, I’m not reading every book that has ever become a film because I’d never make it to work. But in the next year, there’s a few book-to-film adaptations coming out. Rather than watching the film and pretending you’ve read the novel that inspired it, actually read the novel so you have something to compare it to. Sara Gruen’s Water for Elephants hits screens next week, and in coming months, The Help, One Day, Something Borrowed and On The Road all have cinematic releases. Even more basic than that? Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

horoscopes ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Need a new role model? Look to Betty White, she has all the answers.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Jupiter and Mars have collided to… wait, two planets collided?! It’s the end of the world!

GEMINI (May 21-June 21)

Support New Zealand Music Month by creating your own song and rapping it in lectures every Monday morning. Don’t turn to a Capricorn for inspiration.

CANCER (June 22-July 22)

You’ve been a bit of a sad sack this year. Change that by checking out some comedy and laughing obnoxiously loud, even in the intermission.

LEO (July 23-August 22)

Milton Freeman shares your star sign. But not Morgan Freeman. Take this as the final sign that he will never narrate your life.

VIRGO (August 23-September 22)

Three weeks till winter. Max out your course related costs and book a holiday to Raro. Already maxed them out? Buy some Raro instead.

LIBRA (September 23-October 23)

You’re not getting enough five plus a day. Raid the neighbour’s vegetable garden at night to change that.

SCORPIO (October 24-November 21)

The stars will reward your hard work with an A in an assignment this week. Unless you didn’t work hard.

Then you’ll get a C.

SAGITTARIUS (November22-Dec21)

The Hangover 2 is out in a couple of weeks! Celebrate by remaining in said state until its premiere!

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19)

Unlike your Capricorn comrades, Rudyard Kipling J. D. Salinger and Edgar Allen Poe, you struggle with the literary word. Seriously consider writing children’s books – even you can rhyme words like cat.

AQUARIUS (January 20-Febuary 18)

The stars see a large pile of money in your future.

Disappearing from your bank account. Every week until the end of the year. Renting sucks.

PISCES (Febuary 19-March 20)

Bazinga! No star sign for you this week.

If you think you’re on the pulse with what’s happening in Auckland, email debate@aut.ac.nz with your own Suggestions.

26.

issue 09 2011

Michael Murray Bachelor of Engineering (second year) Basketball Jacket: World Boots: ASOS Shirt: Jeanswest Jeans: Marcs

Joseph Mow Bachelor of Fashion Design (second year) Jumper: Vintage Hat: Grandad’s Jeans: Ksubi Shoes: Co

We all know we shouldn’t. But at some point in our lives the question involuntarily leaks from our lips: “Does this make me look… fat?”

Men of New Zealand, when placed in this potentially catastrophic situation do you reply: a) “My goodness! You have more chins than there are Chins in a Chinese phonebook.” b) “Definitely. You look PHAT. You know P.H … Did you have a haircut? It looks great.” c) Hesitate. “No. No, not at all.” Turn back to TV and look meaningfully at the news. d) “Of course not. You are a beautiful woman. The fact that you had to ask this question shows societal pressure that we all should shadow one stereotype, instead of celebrating one’s own diversity and individuality.

Because every woman has a unique beauty of her own and that’s what makes you remarkable.”

If you answered the above question from a-c please keep reading. If you answered d) and there is a slight possibility you are still single (and actually male) please call me.

“Do I look okay?”, “do you like my new haircut?” or the infamous “does this make my butt look big in this?” are common questions we are all sometimes not creative or intelligent enough to answer. All these questions root from the underlying self- esteem issue that never seems to go away.

I don’t know about you, but I certainly was pumped about leaving high school and entering the world of university where I thought appearance would be the last thing on my mind. But has anyone noticed those drop-dead stunners here on campus who always seem to effortlessly look as if they walked straight out of a fashion editorial? It does wonders for one’s self-esteem when no amount of compact powder, hair straighteners or contact lenses will cover the fact that you look like a post-pubescent value meal complete with greasy hair

Does this headline make me look fat?

by Elesha Edmonds

Chikara Green Bachelor of Engineering (first year) Dress: Opshop Belt: Kmart Shoes: Hannahs Bag: Glassons

and inadequate eyesight. But I have a dream. I believe it’s time to swallow some self-confidence tablets and learn to be a cool, calm sensation.

The constant need for others to tell you that you are beautiful is really just a desperate cry from a failing selfesteem. Look at celebrities, who depend on admiring glances from others to boost their fragile self-esteems.

They are always chasing eternal youth with Botox injections and face lifts. It’s an addiction and what happens when the temporary effects wear off? They must repeat the procedures to feed their inner egos.

The only way to deal with this is to reevaluate your attitude of yourself. My friend once gave me the best advice when she said “If you think you look good in it, you will look good in it”. It’s cliché but accurate. If you think you look good with pimples on your face then you’re bound to wear them with confidence. As wild as that may seem it is vital thinking because everything on the inside radiates on the outside.

Someone once suggested to me that for three days I should avoid all mirrors in my house and go to school without knowing what I looked like. This lasted for an honest morning, until I realised how obsessed and reliant I was on making sure I didn’t have toothpaste on my mouth or vegemite in my hair. If it wasn’t for the mirror I wouldn’t know I had a four inch long nose and bushy eyebrows. I’ve never met anyone who looks into the mirror and thinks about what they like before they think about the negatives. Don’t let the mirror define you because chances are it won’t give you an accurate, unbiased representation of who you are.

Now before I start sounding like your mum, I must leave you with one piece of advice. Learn to accept compliments. Compliments will allow you to feel good about yourself, but just as long as you accept them gracefully. Take it, eat it and don’t ask for seconds.

Because you’re not fat, you’re fab.

27.

The Sartorialist stirs the pot of controversy.

by Petra Benton Anonymous commenter writes: “I imagine this (absolutely beautiful) young woman’s morning will go something like this: a friend will call her and say, ‘I have some good news and some bad news: the good news is, your picture is on The Sartorialist! The bad new is, he called your legs sturdy’.”

M

onday, March 28: Scott “The Sartorialist” Schuman veered from his usual posting style by adding commentary to his photographs of Milanese fashion blogger Angelica Ardasheva. Not only does Schuman rarely comment on his photos, but with this one he chose to add the following remarks: “I loved that she’s a bigger, curvier girl than most of the other bloggers who you see in the press and tend to represent the genre.

The subtle thing she achieves so successfully in these two looks is to complement the sturdy but beautiful shape of her legs with an equally strong shoe. A daintier shoe would be overpowered but these shoes create a beautiful harmony for the lower half of her body.

Tomorrow I’ll post an image of a different young lady I met in Paris with a similarly curvy body type but a different method of creating body harmony. “ Needless to say the blogosphere went bonkers, with over 1500 readers commenting their opinions of Schuman’s choice to comment on Ardasheva, and in such an uncalled for manner. Emma Gleason, AUT third year fashion student and fashion blogger on Rag Pony (http://ragpony.blogspot.com), blogged on the subject, voicing her strong opinion.

Here she speaks on what the issues at hand are, and where Schuman went so terribly wrong.

What the thousands of online commentators and Gleason almost unanimously agree on is that Schuman felt he had the right and the need to pass judgment on the young woman’s figure at all. As Jezebel’s Jenna Saunders wrote, the issue here is that “women’s bodies are widely considered appropriate subjects for public critique and commentary at all”. Gleason points out that The Sartorialist rarely passes comments on any image he posts on his blog, especially not in relation to bodies, and never on men’s figures. She adds “I’d love the day to come when women’s bodies weren’t an open playing field for criticism, comparison and snarky comments”. Unfortunately that day is not today, and thus Ardasheva did indeed awake to find not only did the world now know her legs are to be described as “sturdy”, but thank goodness at least she’s a pro at matching chunky shoes to create ‘harmony’ with her legs.

Schuman himself did comment again shortly afterwards, addressing the thousands of comments expressing their disgust and anger on the topic. Interestingly though he did not even mention or address his choice of the word “sturdy” – the use of which stirred the most angst. Focusing instead on what we as a world read “curvy” to mean in today’s society, Schuman went on to condescendingly lecture how the readers were at fault for their attitudes towards the word curvy and just what ‘normal’ means in society today. Add to this his less than apologetic tone, and the fact that he opened the response “I love a post like this. It creates real… conversation”, Schuman seems ignorantly defiant of his actions and not

28.

in the slightest bit remorseful. On Schuman’s response Gleason adds, “Whether intentionally or unintentionally he ignored the word ‘sturdy’ that had caused the most trouble – either to deflect attention or because he truly did not see he had said something wrong. He also fully ignored the criticism of his need to pass judgment at all”.

As aforementioned, the word that stirred the most criticism against Schuman’s post was his choice of the word ‘sturdy’ to describe her legs.

No woman I know would be less than insulted to hear any of her body parts to be described as ‘sturdy’. Emma Gleason notes, “Sturdy is used to describe furniture and stone buildings. Not a females legs”, adding that she would be “absolutely mortified and traumatised if anyone used the word sturdy to describe any part of [her]”. Charming then, that Schuman was ignorant enough to off-hand use insulting descriptors so freely on a woman’s figure in such a prolific international sphere. And how very pleasing he didn’t see any error is his doing so. Gleason pointed out that with a mishap such as Schuman’s, “you’d hope a man of his age and life experience would have a little more common sense than to attempt to describe an atypical (of the fashion industry) woman’s body in a public arena”. Working in the fashion industry and documenting people daily on The Sartorialist, it does seem rather unlikely that Schuman would think his comments would have no effect whatsoever, and that such comments on a woman’s figure are acceptable.

As with any topic regarding female figures and the commenting on them in the public arena, there is and will undoubtedly be many differing opinions. The most important issue in this case though remains firmly on the fact that Schuman felt he had the right to pass such judgment on a relatively unknown woman’s figure. On RagPony Emma Gleason summed it up perfectly, saying “I don’t think a woman’s body is ever really something that is free to comment on - especially not in a public arena. It is too personal, too conflicted and too tied up in self worth and self esteem to emerge unscathed from comments no matter how well intentioned they were.” Jezebel writer Saunders did comment on what perhaps many people are thinking- that this situation has been blown out of proportion and taken a tad too far. However, perhaps it is such an event that is required to make publically known how such commentary is unnecessary. Perhaps it necessitates a post such as that on The Sartorialist to demonstrate and drill home how immoral it is for others to feel they have the definitive right to pass judgment and comment on something as personal as another’s figure.

Links: http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/ http://www.rag-pony.com/ http://www.angystearoom.com/ issue 09 2011

Avalanche City

biggest flaw of Avalanche City’s record is the sense of repetitiveness between the songs.

Album Review by Melissa Low (B) There’s a point in the second half of the album where songs feel as if they are just another variation of a previous song. The beginning of End of the Ocean in fact sounds like the beginning of Love Love Love, but played an octave lower. The repetitiveness can become really off-putting and disrupts the flow as you play through the album.

Many New Zealanders had fallen in love with Avalanche City is not the sort of music you TV2’s promotional song Love Love Love before would want to play while getting ready for a they even knew the name of the artist. If that is night out at town. The overall mood of the any proof to go by, people will enjoy the official album is suited for those sleepy days after, release of the debut album, Our New Life Above where the most comfortable place in the world the Ground, by New Zealand’s newest emerging is relaxing in a warm bed as the late afternoon artist, Avalanche City. sun streams in through your windows. From With manjo (a mandolin banjo) driven sounds Baxter’s personal and poetic lyrics, to the and folk styled tunes, Our New Life Above the sounds of the guitars, manjos and xylophones, Ground is essentially an album for people who Our New Life Above the Ground searches to give like to listen to songs about love. Out of the you comfort and love. It’s those familiar senses 12 tracks on this album, most songs mention of love and comfort that really makes listening the word love or talk about love. And through through the album worthwhile. the right balance of fast and slow paced songs, it paints the picture of a dream-like journey Foo Fighters through the ups and downs of relationships.

Wasting Light The album starts off with the popular first Album Review by Ben Matthews (A) single, Love Love Love, introducing itself with its catchy lyrics and infectious manjo strumming.

The repetitive yet simple chorus line, “I heard your heart say love love love”, effectively sticks in your mind that you cannot help but to sing and sway with the music. The upbeat tone continues as it launches into Everybody Knows, a short interlude twinkled with xylophone notes.

Foo Fighters are the best band in the world at The pace slows down as it goes into Drive On, the moment, at least according to me. Not only a song reminiscent of long and lazy Sunday have they done a benefit concert for damaged afternoon drives. Dave Baxter, the man behind Christchurch, but they have also given each Avalanche City, has a voice that can put oneself person that has brought their new album a into a relaxed and calmed state. Most of the piece of the original master tape. That’s right, songs have the stripped down element that they cut the original master tape into millions bringing the music to the bare essentials of a of pieces and put one in each copy of their new man with an acoustic guitar. There’s a personal album. That is just awesome. element by doing this, which exaggerates the Although I prefer Nirvana, this album caught softer sounds in Baxter’s voice. It gives hints my eye. Firstly, because it is recorded by Butch of vulnerability in the album’s more emotional Vig, legendary producer who has worked with and poetic tracks, especially in the song Love Dave Grohl’s past band Nirvana, along with Don’t Leave, which feels raw with pain as the the Smashing Pumpkins and Green Day. And lyrics, “love don’t leave me now”, plead to tug at secondly, it was recorded in Dave Grohl`s your heartstrings. garage, along with a few old friends, old band In contrast to all the slower songs in the mate Krist Novoselic, and Pat Smear, also from middle of the album, tracks like You and I Nirvana but played in Foo Fighters in their stand out with its simple and catchy pace. The early days. This could pretty much be seen as a cute lyrics of the song seem sweeter and more Nirvana reunion, minus the late Kurt Cobain. truthful than anything Bruno Mars sings in his But that is not all. This album was recorded song, Grenade. There also that element of magic on analogue tapes. Those who are not as music and romance present as it sings about all the obsessed as I am, analogue tapes were the imaginary scenarios he would do to make his industry standard for recording music back love happy. in the days before digital music recording Catchy music and sweet lyrics aside, the

Our New Life Above the Ground

www.ausm.org.nz

technology. Quoting Dave Grohl directly, “I think it’s much easier than using a computer; you just plug in the machine, and you put your microphone in input and get your levels and hit the red button and that’s it”. None of this autotune junk.

I’ve listened to this album many times to, but due to space, I will talk about two of my favorite tracks. Rope has grown on me. At first I didn’t like it, but I realised that this is perhaps one of their best songs. It sounds like something Kurt Cobain would have written. It as if he is writing in the afterlife through Dave Grohl.

Dear Rosemary is a duet between Dave Grohl and Bob Mould, who is famous for the legendary hardcore (gone pop) punk band Hüsker Dü, who the Foo Fighters, along with many other bands such as Green Day and Pixies, have copied.

Unfortunately, no one has ever heard of this band, despite the impact it has had on modern music. Hopefully this song will introduce more people into this band, and hopefully this song will be released as a single.

To sum it all up, this might be the Foo’s best album to date. Although most people will not like the raw appeal about the album, people wanting a break from all the dance music released to date, this album will be a breath of fresh air. Well done Dave and team.

R.E.M.

Collapse Into Now Album Review by Ben Matthews

(B-)

Strangely enough, R.E.M. are still chomping along as if it’s still 1991 and Kurt Cobain is still alive. However, unlike their previous few albums, R.E.M. has created a half decent listenable album. Finally they have managed to recover from the departure of their drummer, who retired back in 1997 to become a farmer, of all things.

The album has a few up beat songs, with Discover having a U2 vibe going on, and Mine Smell Like Honey sounds like some of their I.R.S. days’ stuff. All The Best and That Someone Is You has plenty of distorted guitars and catchy melodies. Alligator_Aviator_Autopilot_Antimatter is a duet between lead singer Mike Stripe and Peaches and Blue is also a duet with punk veteran Patti Smith, with spoken words from Mike Stripe.

29.

Me, Marlon Brando, Marlon Brando And I features guitarist Mike Bills playing the mandolin, an instrument more famously used on their song Losing My Religion. The album also has a few somber songs such as Oh My Heart and Every Day Is Yours To Win. Although this album is pretty decent, it still sounds as if their sound has become somewhat tired. It feels if Warner Brothers, their record label, only wheels them out whenever there is a desire to be nostalgic of the good old days. Maybe it is time for people to move on and listen to fresher sounding music, such as Mumford and Sons or even our own Avalanche City, who have plenty of bounce. But if you are in to being nostalgic, you won’t regret trying this album out, it’s a lot better than what some other bands from this era are releasing.

I Want That You Are Always Happy

(A)

I’ve been looking forward to this album for a long time. I fell in love on my first listen to The Middle East in 2009 and I have since been eagerly awaiting more tunes, or better yet, a tour (which still hasn’t happened). Hailing from Townsville, Australia, the seven piece band are masters of beautiful folk melodies and their new album I Want That You Are Always Happy definitely delivers.

Opening song Black Death 1349 is a creepy acoustic number pretty typical of The Middle East. Eerie ambience and harmonies put you slightly off ease as he sings about the rats of the Black Death plague. But even though the topic matter is downright awful, the music is so nice you don’t even mind. Nobody but The Middle East can make a plague sound so appealing.

The album takes a turn to the cheerful with the album’s first single Jesus Came to my Birthday Party which is probably about as up tempo as the band gets. Much of the album has a religious undercurrent but this one is perhaps the most obvious. I guess it was a pretty big deal when he RSVP’d.

Land of the Bloody Unknown is a delightful tune and my pick for the next single of the album. I assume the land of the bloody unknown is probably Australia but once again the song is so lovely that the topic matter doesn’t bring it down.

The album reaches a bit of a lull in tracks

30.

The Strokes Angles

Album Review by Ksenia Khor

The Middle East

Album Review by Matthew Cattin

Sydney to Newcastle and Mount Morgan. The first of which is a Pink Floyd-esque piano number with a train station atmosphere in the back ground. It works in the context of the album but as a standalone track it’s a bit strange. In Mount Morgan, lead singer Jordan Ireland sings in a deep baritone that I can’t decide if I like or not.

It picks back up on my favourite track Months and stays amazing till the end of the album.

Their EP only had five songs on it so to get a 14 track album made me immensely happy. It’s a bit happier and up tempo than their EP but it hasn’t lost its relaxing feel. If you haven’t heard of them before, check out their MySpace and have a listen.

You won’t be disappointed.

(B+)

of Julian Casablancas’s solo album Phrazes for the Young. Maybe there’s a little bit too much of this influence though.

Gratification and Metabolism are a bit disappointing because they sound too similar to some compositions from First Impressions on Earth and make you question if you heard these songs before. The album ends with a Life is Simple in the Moonlight which I also find quite successful with its smooth keyboards and 80ishness mood.

In overall, Angles proved that The Strokes are still able to collaborate and create music that is worth listening more than once. While being far from a masterpiece, Angles is still a great comeback for The Strokes.

Arj Barker

Eleven Live at Skycity Theatre, April 30

Comedy Review by Samantha McQueen (B) He may be the fourth famous comedian from the hit show Flight of the Conchords, but San Franciscan stand up Arj Barker has more than enough jokes up his sleeves to hold his own at this year’s comedy festival. It seems Kiwis Angles is The Strokes fourth studio album agree; the Skycity theatre had only a couple of released after a five year break. The previous spare seats on his opening night on April 30. album, First Impressions on Earth came out in Barker is just like the quintessential Kiwi 2006 and was pretty unsuccessful among both bloke – without actually being a Kiwi – and his critics and fans. Nonetheless, this didn’t make comedy reflects that. There’s plenty of drug Angles less anticipated. Probably, everyone humour, without diving into “stoner comedy”, believed that the band can pull themselves including an “herbal” pill which led to him together and finally write something as brilliant painting a stranger’s house (“I was like, fuck as Last Nite or Hard to Explain from their debut it, I’ll make this look better”) and the hilarious album Is This It? However, things turned out male equivalent of the date rape drug. He quite differently.

For those of you who were expecting something talks about his awful ex-girlfriend who made him sleep on the couch whenever they had an similar to Is This It?, this album may seem a bit argument (time irrelevant) and the horrible use disappointing. If you can distance yourself from of the word “partner” to describe the love of it, Angles will sound exciting and authentic. your life. He says fuck a fair bit too, but then During the extensive break, all the bands again, so do most blokes these days. There’s members were not only busy with families and even a harmonica, which breaks up each rehabs, but also tried solo projects. I believe this comedy sketches. experience helped to enrich Angles with new Perhaps his funniest moments of his 80 sound and beats and also deepened the lyrics minute show (20 minutes over the stated time) with maturity and confidence.

The album starts off with the energetic reggae- comes from talks about the internet and 3D films. Audience members around me were style Machu Picchu, which flows smoothly into both doubling over with laugher and nodding Under Cover of Darkness, a somewhat echo from their head when Arj was talking about the hype the Is This It? period with a clearer and more refined sound. Personally, I think this song is the of Avatar.

One portion of his show that might not sit best on the whole album because it contains that well with some audience members is his take genuine Strokes vibe which most of the other on all the natural disasters that have happened songs lack. over the past year. He doesn’t make fun of the Next ones are Two Kinds of Happiness with devastation by any means, but some may not its frilling guitars and dynamic You’re So Right, be able to laugh quite as heartily as Barker written by the band’s bassist, Nickolai Fraiture.

They are followed by a catchy Taken for a Fool and gives a big middle finger to Mother Nature and Games in which we can clearly hear the influence all her villainy ways (not the guy in front of me

issue 09 2011

though; he was constantly wiping away tears).

Being opening night, there were a couple of glitches that stopped this being the smooth one hour show Barker is known for delivering. There was a microphone cut out mid joke early on, a few too many ahs, ums and word stumbles, and one joke fuck up about the future of 3D technology, but Barker cruised through them all like the seasoned pro he is.

Barker’s comedy isn’t overly complex or political, but at the end of the day, that’s what audiences want – good, simple laughter. If you missed out on his show while he was in town, make sure you buy his DVDs; it will give your stomach muscles a real work out.

Chopper

Chopper’s Guide to Doing Life

Live at the Comedy Chamber, May 3

Comedy Review by Samantha McQueen (B+) For those not familiar with Chopper’s brand of comedy, be warned: It is not for the faint hearted.

I tried to count the number of sentences he said without the word “fuck” in it, but I gave up after five minutes; the answer was none. Decked out in a polo and trackies, with a full on handlebar moustache, Chopper’s (aka Heath Franklin) new show is supposed to be all about how to succeed at life. However, only about 25 per cent seemed to be about life at all; half the show was dedicated to talking (and talking shit at) the audience.

If you are going to pipe up in one of his shows, make sure you don’t have a stupid name or career.

He seemed to really dislike the students at his opening night, but that in turn made for more entertaining jokes for us. He teased one student for studying marine biology, because really “what the fuck can you do with that?”, said to the ushers to lock the doors when one left to take a leak and when a student advocate piped up, his face filled with glee!

But while the audience provided some of the funnier moments on the night – an audience participation in the birds and the bees had the audience roaring with laughter – it also provided some of the low points. There was a fair bit of back chat from those who had been mercilessly mocked and you can’t help but wonder how much of Chopper’s show was sacrificed so he could put them in their place with some witty remarks and a fuck you. The audience sounded like they felt this way too; what started out as hearty laughter quickly become tedious titters.

He may have a sharp mind and an even sharper tongue when put on the spot, but his funniest bits definitely came from the topics he had obviously worked on. His gripes with in-flight safety videos had me gasping for air and his opinions on the English and the royal wedding were a refreshing

www.ausm.org.nz

take from all the news we’ve dealt with lately.

Even though he’s a nasally-sounding Australian, a portion of his show is directly aimed at New Zealand – or more specifically, New Zealand’s overdramatic ads. All the “classics” get a mention, like the ad that starts off looking like a good time but then turns into a child being thrown into a cupboard, the wheel of fortune-esque intersection ad, and my favourite, the “don’t let your neighbours kill your kids” ad from the fire service. I’ve never laughed so hard at the context of someone borrowing a cup of sugar before.

If you missed out on seeing Chopper last week, well, you just failed at life then, didn’t you?

Mark Watson Mark Watson

Live at the Skycity Theatre, May 4 Comedy Review by Samantha McQueen

damn awesome. But he doesn’t geographically discriminate; New Zealand and Australia get a mention, and he tries to jedi mind trick the locations of foreign members in the audience.

He’s slightly self-deprecating, but if you bash his humour on YouTube, he’ll hunt you down and broadcast your details in his show (apparently Liam_Nolan lives at Cruickshank Ave in England). He doesn’t rely on foul language to bring the laughs like other comedians, and when he does say the word fuck, it’s like he’s a child that’s managed to get away with swearing without his parents hearing.

Mark Watson is the type of comedian who you’d be as happy listening to on a stage with hundreds or one on one with a beer over the pub. If you didn’t catch him at his other shows last week, shame on you; don’t you know he has (A-) a baby to support?

On the comedy festival website it says Mark is one of Britain’s most successful stand-ups. Apparently Auckland didn’t get that memo, as almost half of Skycity theatre was empty on his opening night of his self-titled hour long show. Not that he took it to heart (much), but it did make for a few stellar jokes, like when a group of 12 latecomers came waltzing through and he exclaimed “oh, so that’s where the audience was”.

For those that are eager beavers or sticklers for punctuality (like myself) you’re treated to a pre-show bonus from the man himself, typing on a computer which comes up on a big projector screen. Don’t worry, it’s more exciting than it sounds. Only he would be able to have an audience sitting on the edge of their seats waiting for what he’s going to say next, without actually saying a word. Early birds also get let in on inside jokes that only they will get, so when the punch line does come, all those latecomers sit there looking sad and confused as to why they’re being clapped at for sitting in the front few rows.

Mark’s humour is definitely observational, commenting on people’s exaggerations, the inequality of insults (minge of steel is supposed to be due for a global movement) and how it’s always acceptable to wave at strangers on moving transport, but not in the supermarket.

He talks at rapid fire, barely taking a breath, and if the laughs aren’t considered value for money, his words per minutes definitely make up for it.

He’s the mix of a shy, insecure man with negative body language and a rabbit who has taken speed since birth.

There’s a portion of his show dedicated to British references, like his ad for pear cider and his love for Derren Brown, a British illusionist who Watson adores. If you’ve never heard of the man before, at the end of the show you’re wishing that you did, just because his shows sound so

iPad 2 Apple

Gadget Review by Alisha Lewis

(A-)

I’m not what you’d call a ‘tech savvy’ person. I’ve spent many a late night screaming at the printer for deciding not to work, or at the broadband connection for playing hide-and-seek or at my laptop for swallowing up the last 500 words of my Media Comm essay.So, given my disturbed relationship with all things high tech, I’m the last person you’d expect to own the latest gadget to be released by Apple – the iPad 2. But here it is, sitting on my desk and, surprisingly – so far – it’s been a relationship of mutual understanding and smooth sailing.Despite coming with no instruction manual, I was instantly able to figure out how each and every aspect and application on the iPad 2 worked – an impressive feat considering it took me almost five minutes just to figure out how to charge the thing.It has stunning visuals and insanely speedy performance.

Apple claims that loading apps, playing games and browsing the internet are twice as fast as the original. It’s also a sexy little device, being much sleeker and lighter than its predecessor.

The best part though, is that I’ve been able to type up notes during lectures and transfer them easily, in Word format, to my laptop. It saves lugging around a laptop and is much more fun than a netbook.My only complaint would be to do with another new addition – the front and rear VGA cameras. While this is handy and fun for messing around on photobooth, if the lighting isn’t great, the pics can appear grainy and unflattering on the high-quality screen.

Generally though, this is a gadget even the most technologically challenged person can make the best use out of.

31.

32.

issue 09 2011

Spot the Difference

Correctly identify the five differences in the two photos then circle them and drop your entry into your nearest AuSM office, or the box on the side of the red debate stands, or post to debate PO Box 6116 Wellesley St before 12pm Thursday. What’s up for grabs? Two “squawk burgers” vouchers for Velvet Burger on Fort St, Auckland CBD. Congratulations to our issue 8 winner, Sophie Reason from City campus!

Name Phone # Email Campus

poolcompetitionposterA3.pdf

1

15/04/11

3:04 PM

C

M

Y

CM

MY

CY

CMY

K

To enter the competition, email kyle.richmond@aut.ac.nz

www.ausm.org.nz

33.

34.

issue 09 2011

www.ausm.org.nz

35.

Now in store!!!

A selected range of fiction specially picked by our staff to interest, inform and capture your imagination AUT City Campus AUT Akoranga Campus 55 Wellesley Street East, Auckland City 90 Akoranga Drive, Northcote Tel: 366 4550 Fax: 366 4570 Tel: 489 6105 Fax: 489 7453 Email: aut.city@ubsbooks.co.nz Email: aut.akoranga@ubsbooks.co.nz Web: www.ubsbooks.co.nz Open Monday to Friday or shop securely online 24/7 issue 09 2011 36.