Debate | Issue 12

debate ISSUE 12 | JUNE 2015

CREDITS EDITOR Laurien Barks laurien.barks@aut.ac.nz SUB-EDITORS Matthew Cattin Amelia Petrovich Julie Cleaver DESIGNER Ramina Rai rrai@aut.ac.nz CONTRIBUTORS Nicole Schmidt, Ethan Sills, Amelia Petrovich, Julie Cleaver, Maddie Grimshaw, Karina Brehmer, Kieran Bennett, Nicole Hunt, Conor Leathley, Patricia Abundo, Rachel Barker, Matthew Cattin, Lian Thay, Jessica Varney, Shivan, George Fenwick, Yan Zeng, Caterina Atkinson, Tyler Hinde, Logan Gubb ADVERTISING Harriet Smythe hsmythe@aut.ac.nz

Contributions can be sent to

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the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM. DISCLAIMER Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, Soar Print or its subsidiaries.

Pg 3 Editor’s Letter

Pg 21 The Good Life

Pg 4 Vice Prez Sez

Pg 22 Half Vegan

Pg 5 Advocacy

Pg 24 Just Jokes

Pg 6 Why List Articles Are Making Us

Pg 26 Canadamn Yo’ Fine

Dumb

Pg 29 Cool Shit

Pg 8 An Interview with Anthony Horowitz

Pg 30 How to be the Fairest of Them All

Pg 10 Ruling and Drooling

Pg 31 You Can’t Know the Unknown

Pg 12 Beats Hipsters

Pg 32 Five Budget Beauty Buys

Pg 14 Gluten Free Goddess

Pg 33 Shades of White

Pg 16 Where is My Home Sweet Home

Pg 34 Limited by Words

Pg 17 Breaking News

Pg 35 Recipe

Pg 18 Inappropriate Appropriation

Pg 36 Reviews

Pg 20 Warriors vs Cavaliers

Pg 38 Puzzles

Cover illustration by Logan Gubb

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FA C E B O O K . C O M / A U S M D E B AT E

EVENTS Carl Ewen carl.ewen@aut.ac.nz

She was very obviously hurt. And who could blame her? The way these interviews were conducted and then edited into a video portrayed nothing positive about her. Sure at the end, one girl said she was ‘pretty,’ but after hearing a two-minute video with the kids that you teach calling you stupid, grumpy, and overweight...that ‘pretty’ becomes pretty damn redundant in the recovery of your mortification.

With a very visibly forced smile on her face, this woman went from good-natured and bubbly to quite withdrawn within a matter of minutes. It was very obvious, and it should have been dealt with immediately. But instead of getting her off the stage, the hosts of the show proceeded to bring her entire class out, and had them sing a song laced with the offensive comments that were shown in the video prior. Sure the song had cute lines, but it was completely overshadowed by the insult. It made me incredibly sad to watch.

At the end of the song, the kids were each given a bicycle, and she was given the opportunity to meet two of her favourite stars. Her reaction to her idolized celebrities was completely anticlimactic because of her hurt. It was all just so bad!

EDITOR'S LETTER Hi All, I had an early dinner before I headed out for the evening last Saturday, so I turned on the telly to keep me company while I ate.

You’re always in for a surprise when you turn on the television at weird times, especially on a weekend, because it seems to be just a whole lot of ‘filler’ shows. This particular Saturday was featuring a British show called Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway. I’d never heard of it before, but it beat the infomercial about those robot vacuums that freak me the hell out, so I gave it a chance.

The hosts, Ant and Dec, called a woman out of the audience. She was a teacher at a primary school, and she had written a letter to her class asking them to do some research and signed it on behalf of Ant and Dec. It was basically a little prank she pulled to try and get some exterior motivation for her class to do their assignment.

Ant and Dec somehow found out about this and decided to call her up on stage and tease her for ‘committing fraud’ and lying to her class. It was all light hearted and fun, and everyone was having a good laugh. Then we found out that Ant and Dec visited her school, talked to her class of 9-10 year olds, and collected some interviews that they strung together in a little montage video.

These interviews started out cute with the kids saying quirky things about their teacher; she wears scarves inside, and that’s weird; she hides the lollies in her desk and sometimes eats them - all your typical funny kid interviews. However, then the kids were asked to describe her, and all of a sudden comments like ‘she’s a bit dim,’ ‘she’s dull,’ ‘she’s not exactly slim,’ ‘she’s gloomy,’ got thrown around, and as this woman sat on a stage in front of hundreds of people, and several cameras, her face fell.

These kids were not only taught that it was okay to insult their teacher, they were rewarded heavily for it! They were old enough to know that what they were saying was mean, and they were given the go ahead from the show hosts, their parents, the producers, and probably their school principal (as they would have needed permission to go on the show) to say it anyway. How incredibly disappointing is that?

And don’t even get me started on how inappropriately the hosts and producers acted when this woman was getting visibly upset on their stage. I don’t care if you have to cancel a ten minute segment and improvise for that section of the show - it’s never okay to push someone like that. Especially when you have already clearly humiliated them. Are we really so starved for comedy that we’re reduced to this? I’m so sick of these kinds of shows tearing people down in a cheap attempt for laughter. Watching a woman be insulted by her class on international television is never going to be funny. And I’m furious that the segment aired, and more furious that her embarrassment and hurt went completely ignored despite how obvious it was. Self-deprecating humour is one thing, bullying is quite another. The fact that this kind of behaviour got the stamp of approval from so many people involved is unbelievable.

I think with shows like the X-factor, American Idol, and this show being so present in our lives, it becomes easy to accept this kind of ‘tearing down’ attitude as humour. I’m so proud of New Zealand for standing up against televised bullies on the X-factor a few months back, and I just wish more people were willing to make that kind of change. If you have to make a person cry in order to earn another person’s laugh, it’s not comedy. It’s being a shit person. End of story.

Laurien

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WHAT do I need to do?

In most cases, your first appearance at the court, will see your solicitor or duty solicitor canvas the likelihood of getting a diversion for you.

After hearing your story and looking at your initial disclosure (summary of facts and criminal history), they will be able to advise you whether a diversion is an option for you.

If they think it is an option, they’ll ask the court to remand you without plea for your case to be considered for diversion.

If you are given instant diversion (by the police prosecutor on the day) you may be remanded to a new date straight away without plea to complete the condition of your diversion.

WHAT happens if I get offered diversion?

Advocacy: Diversion A scheme is run by New Zealand police with their sole discretion. They decide who to give it to and how it is runs. It is a scheme geared towards giving first-time/minor offenders another chance so they can keep out of the criminal justice system and hopefully never come back.

WHO gets it?

Generally, you are eligible if you are:A first-time offender · Nature of the offence is not serious · Accept responsibility for the offence · Accept and complete the diversion conditions (i.e. if granted diversion and you don’t complete the conditions, it can be revoked) Again, the scheme is provided at the sole discretion of the police.

So you may still have a chance if you have previous convictions or have had a diversion before. Cases are reviewed on a caseby-case approach and your solicitor or duty solicitor (who you meet at the court on your first appearance) will be able to advise you of your diversion chances and points to persuade the prosecutor in your case.

WHO doesn’t?

Offences that bar you from getting diversion include: · Serious violence offences including domestic violence offences · Sexual offences · Burglary or fraud offences · Serious drug offences · Offences with mandatory disqualification attached e.g. drink driving offences

Generally, it is only offered ONCE in your lifetime, so MAKE THE MOST OF IT. Police can cancel and refer your case back to the court to be dealt with in normal criminal proceeding if you don’t complete it in the given timeframe.

SO, if you are offered diversion: 1. Follow instructions given at court/by police - Normally begins with setting up an appointment with a Diversion Officer at the Police Prosecutions Office.

2. At the meeting, they will discuss with you the terms and conditions of your Diversion Agreement and the deadline to complete it.

3. Conditions for diversion may include one or a package of: · Apology to the victim · Rectifying the harm you’ve done e.g. Cleaning up graffiti you’ve done · Paying reparation · Making a donation to a charity · Attend counselling or programmes such as anger management or addiction treatment · Take part in Restorative Justice Process · 4. Complete the Conditions by deadline = Your charge will get automatically withdrawn for having completed diversion = NO Criminal Conviction on your records! WOOHOO! This is MAJOR! It is a REAL BONUS for your future!

So, don’t overlook it. If you get offered diversion, be PROACTIVE and COMPLETE all conditions in your agreement with the Diversion Officer ASAP and contact him/her if there is any problem with completing conditions.

If you need legal advice on any criminal charge you are facing OR are a victim of a crime and don’t know where to start, CONTACT US on advocacy@aut.ac.nz with your details and concerns.

If you would like more information about volunteering with AuSM@AUT email volunteers@aut.ac.nz . People volunteer for many reasons, the most common of which is a desire to use their time to give back to their communities. So why not give back to your student organization. You will develop your skills, build networks of useful contacts, increase your employability, enhance your self-esteem, and gain insights into interesting career paths. It also looks great on your CV! It is something AuSM treasures and appreciates. Join AuSM's Volunteer team today and sign-up now to assist with: events, charitable fundraisers, promotion, marketing, Free Feeds, orientation, Debate, design, Advocacy and more!

VICE PREZ SEZ Kia ora Guys!

I have created a new page on Facebook, and it’s a public figure page. The page provides all AUT students with the opportunity to openly communicate with myself as the elected Vice President of AuSM. I can also keep you guys even more updated, and do some giveaways here and there! If you would like to check it out the link is https://www.facebook.com/pages/Urshula-Ansell-Vice-PresidentOf-AuSM/1624266124480144, or you can search Urshula Ansell Vice President Of AuSM. Got some spare time on your hands, and want to meet new people or improve your working skills? Become a volunteer at AuSM.

Random fact about myself this week is where I grew up. So the main part of my life I was raised in Mangere which is in South Auckland. I think it is a place filled with a lot of beauty, which you see through the culture. I was born out in Pukekohe and spent my first year out in Awhitu where my dad still lives and I visit. I have lived in a few other places, but they are all close to Mangere like Mangere East and Mangere bridge where I rent now.

If you see me around campus or at events or free feeds, please don’t be shy to say hi or let me know what’s up. If you are too shy or busy please feel free to contact me on urshula.ansell@aut.ac.nz , or come to my office at WC inside the student lounge. I’ll be there waiting.

“Life is a song - sing it. Life is a game - play it. Life is a challenge - meet it. Life is a dream - realize it. Life is a sacrifice - offer it. Life is love enjoy it.” Sai Baba

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5

Call 0800 443 769 or visit www.iep.org.nz

by Nicole Shmidt

I just spent five minutes of my life reading an article called “15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs.”

In that five minutes, I could have ran a kilometer, made eggs on toast, read a short story, or learned how to pronounce “otorhinolaryngologist” — but I didn’t. Instead, I latched onto the click-bait dangling inches away from my face and was reeled into an idiot-proof listicle trap.

Buzzfeed publishes upwards of 50 posts every single day and other major publications have started to adapt a similar style, creating what can be referred to as the Tyranny of Listicles. A study released by Ipsos Open Thinking Exchange found that on average, those under 34 spend over three and a half hours social networking each day — in other words, we spend a good fraction of our time endlessly scrolling through feeds and reading about celebrities that look like potatoes (or other inanimate objects). Each time your mouse gravitates towards one of these articles, your brain resists the urge to turn into a substance resembling strawberry JELL-O. List articles are the fast food of journalism — they lack substance, quality, and perhaps most importantly, they aren’t good for you.

And now, without further adieu, I present to you a cohesive list of reasons why you should stop reading lists on the Internet.

'Clicking on list articles is like hopping into a white van with a strange man at the promise of candy — you’re lured in, doing exactly what the publication wanted you to do.'

1) Your attention span is getting shorter List articles are changing the way we consume information. They’re intended to be easily digestible for the mind, assembled in a way that allows us to swallow words in a single bite. Whenever a person encounters new information, the brain reacts by trying to find personal context and from there, decide whether or not it’s relevant enough to further focus on. With listicles mimicking the frail structure of the stick house in the Three Little Pigs, no further focus is required. A person can mindlessly skim through a series of GIFs and short sentences in a matter of minutes and before long, be onto the next list of “10 things you need to know.” When consuming information in this way becomes common practice we automatically default into skim mode, becoming less compelled to give certain reads our full attention.

2) You’re more inclined to be out of touch with the “real world” Todays BBC top news story has 252 shares on Facebook — Buzzfeed’s has 15,222. If you take a leisurely scroll through your newsfeed, odds are you’ll find a series of lists that are seemingly relevant to your life. But buried underneath all of those Will Farrell GIFs and bullet points are real stories about things happening in the real world. We tend to miss these due to the fact that we willingly hand over our time to listicle pages, frequenting reputable news sites less and falling further out of touch with the goings on around us as a result.

3) You’re not actually learning anything Let’s take a brief moment to reminisce on high school math class. While your teacher was writing some complicated looking equation containing numbers, letters and shapes up on the board, odds are you found yourself thinking, “when am I ever going to use this in life?” The exact same mentality can be applied to list articles. Odds are, the information you’re consuming doesn’t benefit you. Perhaps more importantly, it’s not anything you’ll ever need to apply to your life.

Reading about “25 Ways to Tell You Are a Kid of the 90s” (unless for some odd and unknown reason you forgot your birth year) isn’t going to teach you anything new, “18 Photos Of Albert Einstein Being Super Chill” won’t help you understand his theory of relativity, and “The 15 Hardest ‘Would You Rather’ Questions” aren’t questions you’ll ever need to be able to answer. Would you rather fill your brain with knowledge, or waste your time biting at click bait?

4) You’re walking right into the idiot-proof trap The internet, like a scungy part of a big city, can be a scary place. Clicking on list articles is like hopping into a white van with a strange man at the promise of candy — you’re lured in, doing exactly what the publication wanted you to do. To make matters worse, once you’re there it’s difficult to escape. Oh, and there’s no candy.

Recommended articles and sidebars have a gravitational effect on your eyeballs, and your mouse. One click leads to another and so on and so forth. Websites thrive off of advertising and sponsored content — the more hits they receive, the more money they make. According to Capital New York, Buzzfeed passed 100 million dollars in revenue for the 2014 year. If you’ve ever walked into the idiot-proof click bait trap, as most of us have, then congratulations because you’ve helped make someone else very rich.

5) You lose appreciation for things that are actually worth reading Most writers spend hours and hours on a piece that takes all but 15 minutes to read. Sometimes, it’s easy to forget how much thought goes into carefully selecting the best words to use in order to convey the desired point — especially when we’re constantly consuming articles that lack structure and a cohesive point. Good and bad go hand in hand and for every mindless listicles out there, there’s a story actually worth reading. Words have the ability to challenge you, to give you a new perspective, to teach, to inform, and to inspire — let them.

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An Int e r v iew with An tho ny Ho rowitz

by Ethan Sills For a huge part of my life, Anthony Horowitz has been one of my favourite authors. Having grown up reading Alex Rider and the Power of Five, with main characters the same age, these stories were so easy to relate to - if you ignored the sadistic supervillains and evil spider demons, that is. I had the pleasure of watching Horowitz talk when I was eleven and have never forgotten the passion with which he spoke. Simply witnessing the man behind the text, and getting a signature from him is a memory that will always stay with me.

When the author returned to New Zealand last month for the Readers and Writers Festival, I tentatively emailed his assistant, hoping for an interview. I never thought it would happen.

However, Anthony agreed, much to my ecstatic delight. I was internally shitting myself when I finally met him, but Anthony was talkative, witty, charming and intelligent, and impressed me with nearly everything he said. He answered my inane questions for over half an hour, and here are just a few highlights from our discussion.

On the maturity of Alex Rider: I don’t ever think of my books as kids books. I always thought of them as adult books for kids. I know that’s sort of semantics but there is a difference, I would never call myself a children’s writer, as I find that term embarrassing for some reason. The idea always was that as the series continues, it would get more mature, darker, and Russian Roulette is very much an adult’s book. I wanted people to come back who had read the books and not find them too childish. And doing things like the Blunt

and Mrs Jones scene at the end of Scorpia Rising was part of that same idea.

On deaths and murder: Death with a smile is always something I enjoy doing. I don’t like cruelty and sadism and real hurtful violence. It took me a long long time to write Oblivion because I knew there would be a horrendous death at the end, and I was so not looking forward to writing it that I kept postponing and postponing it.

But when I write Alex Rider, it’s the exact opposite. You create a kind of cheerful villain, you enjoy that character and you know that in 21 chapters down the line, there is a particularly picturesque death and you have pleasure to get from it.

(His favourite deaths include Casper in Ark Angel, Julia Rothman in Scorpia, and Damian Cray in Eagle Strike)

On killing Jack Starbright (Alex’s housekeeper and best friend): A lot of people criticised me saying “why did I have to do that”, but I knew it had to happen. I knew it was the last Alex, and Alex needed to be given a clean slate. He had to have everything in his life he had in the course of the books removed, so he can start again. So Jack had to go. I thought all the time “should I do a surprise”, make it a fake death so Alex goes back and finds her. That may have been the better thing to do, but no, I was sort of intent to send Alex into the world reborn.

On the future of Alex: It is my intention very much to pick it up again. I want to write about Alex age 27, 28, 29… write about him and see what has happened in the 22 years since Scorpia Rising [the final book.

On movie adaptations: As much as I would love to see Alex filmed, and filmed more successfully… I am not sure that is going to happen. At the moment Hollywood doesn’t seem to be that interested in [young adult] fiction. It could happen, but at the moment there is no one looking into it.

Stormbreaker did well enough. It did pretty well in Australia, New Zealand and Europe and other parts of the world. It did not do very well in America, and I’m very disappointed by that for reasons that had little to do with anything more than money.

The same thing happened to Tintin (Anthony wrote a script for a sequel of the animated franchise): it did very well around the world but then it didn’t do very well in America. I live in hope.

There is always a possibility someone will decide to do it again.

A Game of Thrones-style series based on Raven’s Gate and The Power of Five?

Why not.

On continuing Sherlock Holmes (The House of Silk and Moriarty are out now): I was offered. It just came out of the blue…. And I didn’t have to think very hard. I loved the books as a teenager, and to enter that world, to recreate that character was an irresistible challenge and also very different from anything else I’ve done.

The other thing was that I knew I could do it. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t think I could do it well. I love the books too much to spoil them.

[With Moriarty] I wanted to write an evil book. I thought, here is a book about an evil man, can I write an evil book, that does something so terrible to the reader that you won’t forgive me. I’m more and more interested in writing things that haven’t been done before, surprise people and be shocking and different.

On Bond (Trigger Mortis comes out in September): Again, Fleming had a huge impact on me around the same time as Holmes. As a child, I was reading Tintin, Sherlock Holmes and Bond, and now I’ve written all three. I’m very passionate about the Ian Fleming novels. I always wanted to write a James Bond movie and it was being rejected, not being able to do a movie, that made me want to write Alex Rider. It wasn’t a difficult decision.

It is a very classic James Bond novel. The biggest challenge of the book was to square the character of James Bond as he was in Fleming’s books with modern preconceptions. And to create a character, though he is misogynistic, xenophobic and homophobic, and is still likeable and not offensive to our modern sensibilities. In other words, I am doing the opposite to what the films are doing with Daniel Craig where the character is being modernised. I’ve stuck very much with the rules set down by Fleming.

On rival spy books: I was the first. That is something I will stamp my feet and say.

But there are only ten Alex Rider books, and I don’t want kids to just read ten books in their lifetime. So roll on CHERUBs, roll on Young Bond. I don’t think I’m in competition with anyone.

On New Zealand: Australia and New Zealand audiences are wonderful to meet.

Young people in these countries have a sort of an energy and an optimism you don’t find in the United Kingdom. There is an outlook that is different. It comes from not being involved in some of the problems we have in England and Europe.

(Would you ever set a book here?) I haven’t seen enough of New Zealand. These trips, the torture of it is there is so much to see and do and so many adventures to have and end up sitting in a theatre talking about my books. It would be nice to get out and explore more of New Zealand.

On his next show New Blood: Foyle’s War is what everybody’s mother enjoyed, and this is what I hope they will enjoy. I am trying to write the next step in crime drama on television. I am trying to write something that is light and not grisly, where women aren’t being stalked and murdered… television to entertain. The two main characters are in their twenties, and it’s very much about the problems facing youth today. It’s television for the Alex Rider audience.

On his next novels: Magpie Murders is a murder mystery. It’s a whodunnit, but a whodunnit about whodunnits. It looks at the relationship between the detective in the story to the writer. [It has] a shocking twist in it that will really piss people off when they read it.

That will be followed by a new kid’s book set mainly in London and Europe. It’s a big book, it’s a big, big book, and it’ll take a lot of words to write it.

9

RULING AND DROOLING THE RISE OF COOL DOG GROUP

by Amelia Petrovich “Don’t ever work with children or animals” is an old showbiz adage. They’re unpredictable and, without fail, will steal the show because they’re so damn cute. Apparently in showbiz, having everyone’s attention directed at cuties is a bad thing… not so in the land of social media.

On sites like Facebook and Instagram, the adorable and the unpredictable serve as welcome distractions from actual, everyday life. Auckland locals, Sam Shepland and James Beavis, know this for a fact - together making up half of the admin team for Facebook’s (somewhat confusingly) successful Cool Dog Group.

If you aren’t already a member of Cool Dog Group, I feel a little bit sorry for you. Let me know you’re missing out and I’ll invite you officially to share in the brilliance. Basically, Cool Dog Group is an invite-only Facebook group that kicked off a couple of years back for one very simple reason: sharing pictures of cute dogs is important.

people all keen to hang out online and share dog pictures… if that’s not the most awesome thing you’ve heard today, you need to re-think your own standards.

According to James, Cool Dog Group owes a lot of their worldwide cyber-fame to one particularly maternal and gorgeous pooch. Grace Banks, otherwise known as ‘that dog who mothered like twenty-seven baby chickens’, popped up initially as a Cool Dog Group pup, later to be skyrocketed to internet fame, and even mentioned by Ellen DeGeneres.

“It started as a Cool Dog Group post, then a bunch of people picked up on it and it ended up that Ellen DeGeneres tweeted about it or something,” says Sam, stopping for a second and then adding, “I don’t think we were credited as a…”

“It started as just me basically being like hey, I want to get a few more pictures of dogs in my life,” says Sam.

“We weren’t,” James confirms, “but there were lots of people posting on her Instagram being like ‘oh my god, Cool Dog Group!’ Sandra and Gavin [Grace’s owners] are basically Cool Dog Group celebrities now, like they post once a month just a picture of Grace and are like “here’s what Grace is up to, she loves it”. And they always sign off the posts with the full name of whoever’s posting… if [they] were on the internet more [they] would be the most popular admins of all time.”

“I made a group and added like about ten of my close friends and then from there they kind of added friends of theirs and it slowly expanded from there”.

Though its easy to draw a few parallels, Sam and James are eager to officially declare that they are in no way affiliated with the Facebook group ‘Dog Spotting’.

The group has over 63 000 members currently, which is roughly equivalent to the entire population of Napier or Tokoroa five times over. Yeah, that’s right, there are five Tokoroa’s-worth of

“Dog Spotting is a weird place, the people who run it are, or at least used to be, very militant. Like extreme on bans with very strict rules and it made a lot of people angry,” says Sam.

“They have set rules and I guess it does make for a really good competitive element and it gets people to be inventive with the way they photograph dogs,” says James, “but its almost like once a week when they do their opening of the floodgates we get a whole lot of people coming over to Cool Dog Group being like ‘oh my god, fuck Dog Spotting, I can’t believe I got banned!’ which is just as annoying as troll posts really.”

Cool Dog Group itself, however, is far from an oasis of calm.

In fact, the whole decision to make the group invite-only at all stemmed from sheer pandemonium and terror.

BA SICALLY, COOL DOG GROUP IS AN INVITE-ONLY FACEBOOK GROUP THAT KICKED OFF A COUPLE OF YEARS BACK FOR ONE VERY SIMPLE REA SON: SHARING PICTURES OF CUTE DOGS IS IMPORTANT.

“I left my Cool Dog Group account signed in at work on Facebook and from work went on holiday to Christchurch,” explains Sam. “The general manager of the company [that I work for] changed the full description of the group to ‘Cool Cats’ and then started posting all of these cats being like “cats are so much better than dogs.”

I was getting all these Facebook messages from James on my phone being like: ‘SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED’.”

Once Sam convinced his manager to let him back into the account, James was also re-added as an admin and went “full banhammer”, locking the perpetrator out of the group permanently.

“Sometimes I forget that he’s still permanently banned,” says Sam, admitting that he’s urged his boss to post his own dog a few times despite his non-member status.

“We should let him back in though because that dog is incredible,” says James.

With James and Sam claiming to add roughly 60 new members to Cool Dog Group weekly, it makes you wonder what exactly dogs have in abundance that attracts our collective attention. I wondered, very briefly, about deep-seated primal mindsets and pack mentality, but maybe it’s just because dogs are friggin’ awesome.

For James, its canine cheer and devotion that sets dogs apart from the rest.

“When you think domesticated animals its basically cats and dogs. I think that it sucks that people treat it as a binary! Like, you can love both cats and dogs, that’s fine. But obviously it’s the easiest thing to do, set yourself up in opposition to something, to assert who you are or whatever. But dogs I guess, even within that binary, are just generally the most cheerful, lovable but also loving animals. They’re probably the ones that give back the most.”

11

Beats Hipsters

by Julie Cleaver | Ilustration by Logan Gubb Thick glasses. MacBooks. Beards. Weird movie tastes. You all know who I’m talking about: hipsters. Whether you love or hate them, they exist in droves. You can find them at your local coffee shop buying organic lattes, bopping at indie gigs to #nobodygetsme music, or swanking around trendy bars with jars full of alcohol. Hipsters are a phenomenon that have been around since at least 2010, or so I thought… After reading On the Road by Jack Kerouac, I realised that hipsters have actually existed since the 1950s and even earlier. These 50s hipsters were known as the “Beat Generation”. I did a comparison of “The Beats” and contemporary hipsters to see who the ultimate generation of cool kids is. ainstream: First of all, both groups center themselves around denying mainstream culture. “The Beats” gained their name because they were ‘beaten down’ and marginalized in society. The name also has an association to the jazz music they listened to, but I’ll get to that later.

In the 1950s, consumerism was just being invented. After the World War II prosperity boom in the US, people were rich and could afford dishwashers and cars and stuff. Once everyone had everything they needed, companies realised they would go out of business, so they made newer models of stuff and advertised the shit out of them; and thus consumerism was born. The Beats were anti-materialism, consumerism, conformism and militarism, all phenomenon that was extremely prevalent in the 50s.

Hipsters have similar ideals around denying mainstream culture. Hipsters like to protest against ‘the man’ and stand up for human rights. They also sometimes live green and ride their bicycles to art school. They criticize pop culture and instead indulge their intellect in discussing politics, philosophy, art, music, Charles Dickens, and other highbrow, pretentious stuff. So their denial of the mainstream is pretty spot on, however their shopping habits tend to promote consumerism. Like buying Apple. Therefore although they try to deny all that is conventional, they promote consumer culture, which is totally mainstream.

Sorry hipsters, The Beats win this round.

Love of writing:

Both generations have a love of writing. Today you can see hipsters typing fan fiction, poetry or super quirky statuses, which only those who are ‘in the know’ will understand. You can also catch them reading indie novels like ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’ or ‘The Fault in our Stars.’ Just kidding, those are way too mainstream. They’d probably be reading some 1970s horror novel, because it’s so #unique.

For The Beats, writing and reading was also huge. They powered away on their typewriters, pumping out poetry and streams of consciousness prose. Their writing was much more informal and spontaneous than the typical style of the day. Historians say The Beats revolutionized the entire North American writing scene. Jack Kerouac was a major player; his novels, especially On the Road helped define the entire Beat Generation for what it was. John Clellon Holmes was another writer who shaped The Beats.

Call me old fashioned, but I think The Beats win this round again. Their unique style challenged ordinary writing and changed it for the better, which is pretty fricken cool.

Style: From the photos I’ve seen, The Beats style actually looks a lot like hipster fashion. From the minimalists clothing, to the thick glasses, stripes and quirky hats, the two styles definitely have a lot of similarities. However, lifestyle decisions were more important to The Beats than their clothing choices.

On the other hand, hipsters of today define themselves on their style probably more than anything else. Even if you do not think like a hipster, if you dress like one, you are one. By wearing unusual, out there clothing, hipsters are defining who they are and making a statement saying, “I’m different, deal with it.” Hipsters these days wear anything from rolled up jeans, grandpa (or David Bain) jumpers, elf looking shoes and big hats. From K-Road op-shops to high fashion, hipsters hunt vigorously for the latest quirky styles.

Hipsters, your fashion in unbeatable; you win the style category.

Travelling: The 50s hipsters were big on travel, however not the comfortable travel we know. They lived like homeless people; slept in cars, ate out of bins, that sort of stuff. In On the Road, the two protagonists travel around the U.S with literally no money, and the adventure that comes from being broke and adventurous is incredible.

around there feeling #cultural. They go shopping, bar hopping, and to famous destinations. They look on point at all times, incase there is the perfect photo op; because they gotta be looking fly for their Insta pics!

Despite my apparent obvious bias for The Beats style of travel, it’s actually a hard call for this one. The Beats stole a lot and lived wildly, making the lives of people they would meet exciting but destructive: whereas hipsters tend to tread lightly and be culturally sensitive. Even though I like hipsters’ sensibilities, I have to give The Beats this one, because they travelled no matter what, and that shows spirit.

Music The Beats loved jazz. They would go to dinky bars and play saxophones, pianos, guitars, and sing the blues. They were so into their music that appreciating it was one of their main defining factors. As stated above, this is where part of The Beats name comes from!

Hipsters equally love their music. From the indie kids who listen to Bon Iver, Noah and the Whale, and Angus and Julia Stone to the quirky cats who form their own bands.

Music is massive for hipsters.

I think The Beats and hipsters have a very different but equally awesome relationship with music. So I’ll call this one even.

And the winner is: In case you haven’t been keeping score, that means The Beats and hipsters have tied. Sorry if you’re the kind of person who wants a clear winner no matter what metaphor ties bring, I totally get you, but I’m a writer, so I must always choose the metaphoric option.

Although throughout my writing you probably gathered that I think The Beats sounded way cooler than hipsters, all of my research was assumption based. Maybe there are hipsters who travel around with no money and love jazz, or maybe some Beats loved lattes: who knows? Different qualities exist in all of us and though we can identify with a subculture, we are all way too complex to be totally defined by a set of stereotypes. So I can’t fully say whether one group of humans is cooler, as I can’t generalize entire generations of people.

For the record, if I could generalize, you know who my winner would be…

Now hipsters tend to travel in style. They book flights to cool destinations, like Thailand or Morocco, and travel

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GLUTEN FREE GODDESS

By Maddie Grimshaw In a bizarre twist of fate one Tuesday afternoon last month, I was told I would have to give up my lifetime addiction to French fries. And KFC Zinger burgers. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a well-meaning health kick, it was a diagnosis of coeliac disease.

I knew nothing of this strange fate, except that if treated right, it would cure me of my desperately annoying symptoms.

As it turns out, it means I am now gluten free for life, not a fate worse than death, but one close when you are as addicted to fried food and beer as I. The diet eliminates all traces of wheat, barley, rye and oats, which seem to lurk in the most unsuspecting of foods.

Everywhere I have turned (mainly the internet and Facebook) seems rife with depressing analogies of the disease’s horrific effects.

“Think of gluten as acid,” one cheerful coeliac wrote. “It burns away the lining of your stomach and intestines and if you don’t stop eating it, you’ll most likely get bowel cancer, or die.” What a fatalist asshole, I thought, attempting a gluten free snack bar.

“It’s so hard being a coeliac,” lamented another. “I’m terrified of the crumbs of other people’s toast.” Christ, what a neurotic asshole, I thought, inspecting a gluten-free Hell’s Pizza.

“When I tell people I’m gluten free they think I’m a hipster,” cried ‘Coelz4ever’ on the Coeliac support forum.

“They think I’m just in it for the indie reputation and weight loss benefits, but I’m not, I’m legit!” Valid point Coelz, I’d better not get a kaftan after all, I nodded, cruising the supermarket for gluten free soy sauce.

I haven’t quite mastered the food shopping, or the neurotic demands for a separate toaster that seems to accompany the diagnosis. But I feel myself slowly coming back. Before I went gluten free, I was sick for a long time. I was always tired and grumpy, and had stomach pain every minute of the day.

The brain fog that accompanied being sick was completely bizarre. It was as if my brain was disconnected from my body, and very far away, off in the distance. I would think something, remind myself to do something and I would hear it echoing off into the distance, trying to reach my sub-conscious. I found myself in strange situations where I would walk somewhere, and then suddenly look around and realise that I had no idea how I got there, or what had happened along the way.

Years ago, before I started to feel sick, I had an uncanny knack for remembering number plates. I could walk down a street and remember as many as 30 numberplates along the way. I knew the plates of all the regulars on the street, and of all my family and friends. I remembered the plate of the first car my parents bought, when I was in primary school and we first moved to New Zealand. With this new brain fog, I couldn’t even remember if anyone had walked past me on the way home.

It was a totally obscure sort of disconnect from myself. Sometimes I felt as if I was shouting something to myself from a long way away, and it was just echoing and forgotten. I began to write myself notes to remember things had happened-“Vicky told me about Will today,” “don’t forget Phillip got a haircut.” Sometimes I wonder how I made it into journalism at AUT, which requires good grades.

Obviously part of my brain was still awake enough to have a good life, and get my uni work done, and have some very good times. But I always felt like something was off. I had good days and bad days. In these past two weeks of a changed diet, I feel as if the self that yelled at me to wake up has crashed back into my conscious brain, and I greet it with welcome arms.

It has been so long since we have read a Bronte novel, or could tackle a crossword puzzle, but with my brain working again I can. Madeleine, the intelligent book worm who is a wizz at the cryptic crossword and can string eloquent sentences together, meets Maddie again, who is fun and big-breasted, a bit of an alcoholic, but not the sharpest tool. Together they’re not too bad, they form a strange synergy.

Not only that, but I can feel my body working again. In the last few weeks since the diagnosis, there has been a strange phenomenon, as if a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I can stay awake through the whole day, I can talk to my brothers without flying into an irrational rage, and I crave exercise. With this newfound gluten-free lifestyle, comes the deeply irritating, but necessary constant checking of ingredients.

I find myself frowning over the backs of tins of baked beans and soup, balefully noting the ingredients and returning them to the shelf. I have become that asshole who takes the waiter aside and asks them how they prepare their food, demanding (albeit quietly) to know if the green curry is safe. I shop in the gluten-free aisle at the supermarket with the kaftanwearing hipsters and Nike clad Remeura mothers, selecting blue corn chips and organic gluten-free falafels (what a laugh).

With this newfound ridiculousness, I fear becoming a food neurotic. I doubt I will ever demand my own toaster, or separate glass chopping board. But since going to a dietician, I find myself thinking and doing things that seem hilariously humourless, like telling my brothers they need to eat orange vegetables for the anti-carcinogen. Although the swift, sarcastic replies and scathing stares quickly pull me straight down to earth from my ridiculous gluten-free pedestal.

It’s a give and take situation, really. At the beginning it was hard to eliminate all my favourite foods, and it will take some serious getting used to. I allowed myself to shed 6 tears, mainly for the loss of convenience and taste (and a few for taco salads). But now that I have pulled myself together, I realise it is a positive thing. Something that can change my life, make me feel better and allow me to use my body and brain how I like.

(Doesn’t that sound zen? I’m working on it.)

I will forever mourn the beersies and fries, and taco salads. But I feel rather zen about it all now. Perhaps that’s just the kaftan-wearing gluten free goddess in me emerging.

Where is my home sweet home?

by Karina Brehmer I wonder what way your thoughts must lead in your first days and nights of being homeless. The strength it must take to be able to get sleep on the streets must include some heavy willpower. There is homelessness and poverty rising in NZ, and with the latest budget cuts there hasn’t been enough emphasis on this important issue.

Homelessness is a far thought for most of us. We live just expecting to always have a roof of safety over our heads, except in chosen situations. I know I love camping under a night of stars, but only if I choose to. I think that if I was forced out of my own bed, there would be part of me that would always struggle to stay warm.

There aren’t any concrete aspects of why or how homelessness occurs. Yet homelessness is likely to have been born out of both a sharp increase of precarious vulnerability and poverty. Along with a harsh decline in affordable housing at the same time.

There will usually be a collection of events, or one catastrophic event, which can unfold the future on uncertain ground.

The latest calculations that are swimming around, are that a small serving - 10 percent -of the top 500 corporations’ annual profit on a shared plate could end poverty. On a global scale.

Global. As in no more poverty. Yet that is a distant desire that seems meaningless in these times of concentration on gaining capital. Rather than exposing ourselves to the deficits it creates elsewhere.

Immigrant flooding of the New Zealand job market has not correlated with a rise in jobs. There is a huge amount of competition just in numbers for a single job. There is only a certain capacity that countries and cities such as New Zealand and Auckland can handle before there are going to be disparages showing. Why is homelessness on the increase?

When there has been a housing problem for so long, shouldn’t someone inside the policies have seen this happening and said this is proof that something in the system just isn’t working?

And if they have, then who isn’t listening? If immigration is forming such an abundant economy, then shouldn’t we be seeing proof from decreases in issues like homelessness? When you introduce a steady tide of new populous, that means there is going to be a strain on resources. There needs to be growth with growth. Since 1991 there have been no new state houses.

The latest calculations that are swimming around, are that a small serving - 10 percent -of the top 500 corporations’ annual profit on a shared plate could end poverty.

I know there are services such as Auckland City Mission who offer the most hopeful resources for homeless people in Auckland. They offer much needed support to those who come to them with for a helping hand. They have created action plans for homelessness, but all of this needs to be funded somehow. Money, as we’ve all sadly learned, does not grow on trees. And even solid organisations such as ACM can’t help everyone, because the demand for their services are already stretched beyond capacity. Even emergency cases can’t be housed because no room has been made on the other end.

One day homelessness might finally be a thing of the past. But until then services such as those that help those who need it are severely important. Not everyone gets to say how their lives will be, and if we end up homeless it should come without judgement. Thank you to the three humble guys I met living on the street for opening up your side of the story. There is always a way forward. Meeting people like you just reinforces the kindness that people can have, no matter their circumstance.

BREAKING NEWS

Government Resorting To Coupons in 2015 Budget

By Kieran Bennett Finance Minister, Bill English, has been left to make a series of apologies to the nation after it was revealed that there isn’t enough money in the country, and the government would be resorting to coupons.

On what is known through the country as budget day, the government revealed its budget for the year, outlining spending for the next year. However the government quickly came under fire for having included approximately only half the funds it normally does.

Mr English was quick to assure the public that this was "a fully legit thing" and there had been in no way any fiscal mismanagement.

He then went on to say that there was no cause for alarm as the government had "a shit load" of buy-one-get-one-free coupons for social services and roading budgets.

First inspection, however, indicates that the coupons are pick up only and thus, totally useless.

Mike Hosking Suffers From Painfully Large Orgasm

By Kieran Bennett Celebrated broadcaster, Mike Hosking, has been admitted to emergency services after having masturbated for several days straight, and experiencing what was described as a "literally earth shaking orgasm".

Mr Hosking reportedly developed an enormous erection when the announcement came that long-standing current affairs show, Campbell Live, would be cancelled. The situation escalated, however, when Mr Hosking began to enthusiastically masturbate whilst muttering "fuck the left". Whilst this was expected, the six day marathon that followed was not.

Now that the cancellation of Campbell Live has been confirmed, Mr Hosking has been admitted to Auckland Hospital suffering from chronic exhaustion and dehydration. Mr Hosking is recovering well and has promised his viewers to continue touching himself every night on channel one.

John Key denies eating dog food

By Julie Cleaver Prime Minister John Key has found himself involved in yet another unusual scandal. Last week Mr Key was spotted purchasing dog biscuits and then eating them in his car.

Members of the parliament have also come forward and confirmed that Key eats dog biscuits on a regular basis.

“Ever since I joined parliament, I noticed John enjoyed eating dog biscuits daily, especially those Tux ones. I thought it seemed a bit unusual, but then again, he is a strange guy, so I didn’t really think too much of it,” said Judith Collins, the Minister of Justice.

Even Key’s own wife, Bronagh Key, admits to his habit. “On our first date he took me out to a restaurant, but didn’t buy anything for himself. Then afterwards in the car he ate a whole bag of dog biscuits! I thought, ‘wow, what a quirky character!’ He still eats them every day, which makes cooking very easy for me!”

Despite the compelling evidence, Key is denying all allegations that he eats dog food.

“No, I don’t eat dog food. That’s just some left wing mumbojumbo. No New Zealanders should believe that, because it doesn’t happen.”

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They have now turned into somewhat of a worldwide trend thanks to modern celebrities such as Jenner, who accredits her lips to a 40-minute makeup routine. Meanwhile, the stigma still largely remains for black women.

Appropriation occurs when culture is taken with little understanding and respect of the history and traditions surrounding it. African musical traditions survived the shock of the transportation of millions of slaves to the Americas. This traditional music was transformed during 300 years of slavery in the ‘Land of the Free’. The roots of rap grew from the tribal chanting of the semi-sung lyrics of plantation work songs, which were a survival technique against an oppressive white society.

We now have white rappers such Macklemore and Iggy Azalea excelling in the rap scene.

I N A P P R O P R I AT E A P P R O P R I AT I O N

by Nicole Hunt Auckland is like a salad. In this brilliant analogy, every ingredient represents a culture. Like every salad, some ingredients are represented more than others. Sometimes you’re saturated in tomatoes and left digging for that elusive chicken. I don’t know where this is going, but I’m going to tell you about cultural appropriation.

You may or may not have heard of the term ‘cultural appropriation’ as of late. It refers to the adoption of elements from one culture by another, typically an aspect of an oppressed people’s culture by members of a dominant culture. Whilst diverse communities make it inevitable for cultures to rub off on one another, there is a fine, blurred line between cultural exchange and cultural appropriation.

Appropriation occurs when a cultural element stems racist generalizations or stereotypes from where it originated, but is deemed as fashionable, cool or funny when used by a dominant culture. Take for example the #kyliejennerchallenge. If you are new to the internet, the ‘Kylie Jenner challenge’ dares users to place a shot glass over their lips and suck in to obtain the plumpness of 17-year-old Kylie’s lips. These thick lips, along with big booties have been mocked ruthlessly for centuries when naturally featured on black women.

Rap should not be an exclusively ‘black thing’. However, the difference between cultural exchange and appropriation lies in the respectability of its history. After miraculously gaining a southern Texas drawl, Australian-born, Iggy Azalea, has climbed her way to the top of the rap scene. During her rise, race relations in America had become extremely tense after police brutality against black men came to the forefront.

Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner, Sean Bell and Micheal Brown are just a few of the growing list of unjust black deaths by police.

These have caused many emotionally fuelled protests around the country. Fellow female rapper with a weirdly similar name, Azealia Banks pointed out the problems with stars such as Iggy.

Harlem-born Banks criticized Iggy’s adaption of rap and ‘black culture’ but failure to speak out on the issues that come with the ‘black identity’. She insists that everyone wants to ‘act black’ but nobody wants to be black.

Appropriation has not been limited to white artists either. Earlier this month, British-born Sri Lankan artist M.I.A. was told (most likely by her record label) that she could not release her latest video filmed in West Africa due to appropriation. The video is a one-take dance routine by an unknown African dancer that apparently took her two years to find. M.I.A. has since taken to Twitter to discuss her issues, as you do in this digital age.

Although she did garner criticism, she did not draw anywhere near as much as artists such as Iggy have.

Appropriation occurs frequently around us. I see culture themed parties such as Mexican and Native American frequently. While that sombrero and poorly designed fake moustache may be funny to you, it mocks and contributes to the prevalent stereotypes of another. Native Americans reserve their headdresses to elders whom have proved selflessness and leadership. So, when Becky walks around Coachella with a headdress, she is reinforcing stereotypes about Native people and appropriating a culture with little regard for their traditions, however unaware she may be of us. What we need to do is love the people of these minorities as much as we seem to love their cultures.

CONTRIBUTE DEBATE WANTS YOUR GOODS! Whether you始re a news hound, illustrator, columnist, reviewer, photographer, pop-culture fanatic, feature writer, cartoonist, or general know-it-all, get in touch!

EMAIL LAURIEN AT LBARKS@AUT.AC.NZ Or pop into the AuSM Office for a chat!

19

curmudgeons will probably bring up old tropes, such a no jump shooting team can win, or that they have a lack of experience, and that there is no way they can win on their first try. Many of the players on the Warriors roster have never advanced this far into the play-offs, though their talent does belie their lack of experience.

History is not on their side, and many talented teams that have not played in the Finals generally fall at the altar. Will the Warriors buck this groupthink trend, or are they just another talent-filled team that will fail when the lights are on them?

Why the Cavaliers could win (or lose):

WARRIORS VS CAVALIERS

by Conor Leathley June the 4th (the 5th for our time zone) tipped off the marquee event on the NBA calendar: The NBA finals. Different to the majority of sports, the key word is finals. One game does not decide the outcome (until, you know, the decider). Rather, there will be a minimum of four played, with a chance at seven. The NBA finals is where legends are born and frailties wrought. The 2014-15 competitors are the Golden State Warriors, squaring off against the Lebron-led Cleveland Cavaliers.

Why Golden State could win (or lose): They have the best record in the NBA (67 regular season wins and 15 losses). They own both sides of the court, having put up great numbers both offensively and defensively. They have depth, and they also have the most lethal shooter ever seen in the sport, Stephen Curry, who is also the reigning Most Valuable Player (MVP) of the NBA. With first year coach at the helm, Steve Kerr (who won titles as a player with Michael Jordan), it is looking on paper that the Warriors will claim their first title in 40 years. They have also breezed through their play-off opponents, generating a winning feel for a team that has a sub-optimal recent history.

It is tough to find reasons why they won’t win, having just authored one of the most dominant single seasons ever. Ardent NBA

Man to man, it is almost no contest, in the Warriors favour. The Cavs have an assortment of talented role players, aging veterans, and one exceptional talent in Kyrie Irving (stats superstar Kevin Love was lost to injury in round one of the play-offs). They also have one trump card, and his name is Lebron James. The best player since Michael Jordan, Lebron has had to put on his Superman cape at times to carry this historically inept franchise to only its second finals appearance in history. Their previous visit was when Lebron did the same thing in 2007, before getting humiliated by the San Antonio Spurs.

Though the majority of the Cavaliers have no Finals experience, Lebron has a glut of championship mojo. This is his fifth finals appearance in a row (the first player to achieve this feat since the 60’s), competing in four (winning two) during his controversial sojourn in Miami. While having earth’s best basketball player does help, Lebron cannot do it on his own. He will require major contributions from the rest of the roster, and that appears to be the downfall of the Cavs. Good players, absolutely, but when paired against their Golden State counterparts, it does look unlikely. But hey, Superman has saved the day before right?

Note: At the time of writing this article, the finals had not started.

When this is published, two games may have already been decided.

So there is that. But never the less, I shall get out my crystal ball, and make a prediction that will surely have future me shaking his head: Looks like they found the kryptonite! Golden State Warriors in six (four games to two).

- THE GOOD LIFE by Patricia Abundo What does it mean to live “the good life”?

The term 'the good life' is usually associated with shallow materialism, however it can have many different meanings according to individual interpretations and perspectives. Both my parents work in the airline industry, and we're an average, middle class family. Because of their jobs, my sister and I are fortunate enough to enjoy the perks of frequent traveling. My friends often tell me, "You're so lucky, to be constantly jet-setting and living the good life." What I don't think they realize is how much blood, sweat and tears were shed on the part of my parents to be able to provide us with this kind of luxury. They are constantly away from home, without a regular schedule, so they are able to pay the bills, put food on the table, and make sure that we never feel deprived.

Its meaning cannot be taught solely in a classroom by professors; it must be learned over time, with experiences that vary between individuals.

I'm not going to sit here pretentiously claiming to have the secret formula to pure happiness, because I don't. I would however, like to share a few points that I've picked up over the past few months. Hopefully these make those occasional “FML” moments not seem so bad.

The fact that you're reading this and are probably a uni student is already plenty to be grateful for. You're here. You were given this opportunity to learn and work towards achieving whatever it is you want to in life. What you make of this time is up to you.

A lot of wealthy people can be thought to be living the good life based on the number of Ferraris parked in their garage, the square footage of their summer house, or their first class airplane tickets. They may have the cars, the house, the position, and are drowning in terms of tangible finance, but are they truly happy? On the other hand, others less fortunate may be ecstatic with the little that they have.

I used to constantly disregard the numerous “good vibes” posts plastered throughout my social media feeds. To me, it was just another hipster quote that looked pretty in fancy typography.

However, I've now come to realize the appeal behind the multiple re-grams. A negative mentality isn't going to do anything for you. Take it from me, someone whose horoscope characteristics include pessimism. Being angry and frustrated at the world for trivial, petty matters just results in more migraines for you, not anyone else. When you start focusing on the good instead of expecting the worst, that's when you'll start noticing a positive change.

For me personally, a good life wouldn't need to involve anything dramatically flashy. For me, living a good life is to have a roof over my head, a job I genuinely look forward to everyday, surrounded by people who inspire and appreciate me. For me, the good life is living a comfortable life. I think that a lot of people will have a hard time coming up with a definite answer to this question.

Learn to appreciate yourself when no one else can or will. As cheesy as it sounds, it speaks the truth. Especially now that I live away from home, I've learnt to be satisfied with my own company. Also, there will be times when you'll feel like your efforts go unacknowledged. Instead of counting on other people's applause and approval, give yourself a pat on the back and know it's more than enough.

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HALF VEGAN

by Rachel Barker Diet trends and fads rage ever on under the mask of health and scientific discovery, and the current surge of Paleo, veganism and other earth and body friendly diets has lead to an odd new phenomenon- The Half Vegan.

Now, for those who don’t quite understand the odd new movement sweeping the world, it can be summed up with this eponymous quote from the Oscar winning film, Wild Child (featuring Emma Roberts, as a bitch.

Duh): “I'm a pescetarian Monday through Wednesday, fruitarian Thursday through Sunday and vegetarian always.” This idea of picking a different diet each day actually seems… understandable, to me at least. Personally, I would describe myself as vegan.. on Wednesdays, weekends, and when I can’t afford meat, except when the possibility of a Burger Fuel Burnout, or even a cheeky Nandos comes up.

Nowadays with the number of amazing little cafes serving up some of the more unusual tree-hugging cuisines, it’s easy to pick and choose the best parts of veganism/paleo/pescetarianism. You can still have a fetish for feta, meat in every meal, or give in to the occasional KFC craving AND enjoy some delicious courgette spaghetti or dairy-free chocolate berry cheesecake. Mmmm cheesecake…

Usually I am a cynic when it comes to essentially everything, but especially food and dieting. I didn’t eat vegetables for most of my

life, and embraced scurvy like a champ at 15 as a result of thisthere was no way I was going to give into to those trend driven doctors… telling me to eat vegetables? Ew. Everything green tastes gross. Or so I thought. Last year however, living with about 15 very healthy girls, I was introduced to the idea of a healthy lifestyle.

When I first heard of diets like veganism, I assumed that the food would be incredibly unfulfilling and frankly, quite unenjoyable, but after a few trips to some clean eating cafes and restaurants I was converted. Everything was DELICIOUS! Now, this is not to stay I instantly considered completely changing the way I eat and erasing all animal produce. Absolutely no chance, as meat continues to be my favourite food group and probably always will be. It has, however, lead me to do some exploring and discover my love of cooking and eating vegan- along with my normal diet of meat, cheese and all things good. I try as much as a can to do a little good for myself and eat vegan produce when available, and this would be my encouragement to everyone else.

It’s a funny little trend, perhaps frowned upon by real vegans (don’t be h8ers guys), and normally I would laugh at such a ridiculous and pretentious dietary description. But to hell dudes, it’s also really bloody great, and to finish with a quote from Grammy award winning artist, Hannah Montana, you really do “get the best of both worlds!”

(I’m really really really sorry guys, I had to).

VICE-CHANCELLOR始S AWARDS FOR ACADEMIC EXCELLENCE IN TEACHING

The Teaching Excellence Awards recognise and reward our inspiring, knowledgeable, enthusiastic and innovative teachers, who are committed to their subject and students

Nominations are now open to students* and close 5pm, Friday 14 August *Nominations initiated by students must be supported by an AuSM representative and must comply with entry criteria. Speak to one of your campus Student Representatives today or visit www.ausm.org.nz

23

J U S T J O K E S.

by Amelia Petrovich | Illustration by Tyler Hinde There are three things in life that all eldest children are inherently good at, dominating the front seat of the car, stressing, and denying all responsibility for being meanies.

I know this because I am a front-seat-sitting, strung-out meanie of an older sibling, myself. Fellow eldest siblings (or anyone who has had the misfortune of being related to one) probably recall countless childhood arguments in which responsibility was absolved because it was all “just a joke”.

Jokes were fantastic like that; they kind of sucked the poison out of everything. Did you just flippantly remark that your younger sister was a bit chubby? It’s all-good, it was “just a joke”. Called your brother a nerdy mummy’s boy? He’s got no reason to snivel about it; you were “just joking”.

It seems weird in retrospect that this kind of logic was watertight in childhood, I mean even if you were only joking, they were still hella shitty things to say for a number of reasons, right?

I’ve come to notice though that this sort of thing isn’t actually just a childhood phenomenon. There are a bunch of adults out there too who will consistently urge you to just “lighten up and take a joke”, even if that joke cusses out a whole group of marginalized people. And when a joke does do that, it stops being a joke and starts being a microagression instead.

The term ‘microagression’ was coined by Harvard professor, Chester Pierce, in the 70s to describe social norms of behavior or expression that have the same effect as deliberate discrimination. So basically, a ‘microagression’ is something that feels offensive and crappy even if you didn’t intend for it to feel offensive and crappy. This could be anything from a well-intentioned joke to an action that you think is really kind, like holding open a door or helping someone smaller than you reach a high shelf.

Microagressions come in all sorts of guises and have the potential to offend all sorts of people. I’m fairly privileged in a lot of ways, but even I’ve heard a few things that have made me realise how important monitoring the direction of your own humor can be. I’m naturally klutzy and I can’t count the amount of times I’ve mentioned my grazed knees to have some hilarious male respond with a suggestive “Oh really? What have you been up to, hmmm As far as attacks on females and feminism goes, I suppose this isn’t the worst that could happen, but it’s certainly not ideal either. I mean the quip itself could be slightly funny, maybe if we were still twelve and inclined to giggle at naughty things like…er…time spent on one’s kneecaps.

But mainly, the whole thing is just kind of shitty. Even if it was “just a joke”, what it indirectly communicates is that I, as a young female, must be straight, sexually active, sexually interested, and also that being any of these things would be a catalyst for ridicule rather than celebration.

Not exactly empathetic and inclusive, wouldn’t you agree?

Casual remarks like this become microagressions because they impose ill-informed expectations on people (like the assumption that I must just loooooove getting down and dirty) and also undermine people who may already be part of a marginalized group. In my case the group was females, but microagressions can target race, sexuality, physical qualities, mental ability or just about anything else you can think about that would feel unkind to insult directly.

So basically, a ‘ microagression’ is something that feels offensive and crappy even if you didn’t intend for it to feel offensive and crappy.

Now it can be pretty tricky to nix your own microagressive tendencies straight away, because the thing that makes them so goddamn gross is the fact that we’re all socially conditioned to accept and be okay with them. Its not like you started a petition to remove all people with South American heritage from the country, you just asked your half Brazilian buddy why they don’t speak Portuguese. The thing is, with microagressions it kind of doesn’t matter how good your intentions are. If I called my little brother a pussy because he cried when he watched Titanic, even if I don’t immediately link this kind of commentary to an attack on his expression of masculinity, it still potentially is one. Just because I’m not marginalized by my own words, it doesn’t mean that those words don’t have the power to marginalize at all.

As a general rule, if you have to justify your questionable behavior by assuring others that it’s “just a joke” or “not meant to offend anyone”, you’ve probably stuffed up a wee bit. Fear not though! There are multitudes of funny things in the world that don’t marginalize people, like dogs with floppy ears, phonetically spelled words and Wes Anderson films. With a plethora of hilarious lols to comment upon, who even needs microagressions, right? Damn them all to hell I say! We can do so much better.

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CANADAMN YO' FINE

by Matthew Cattin As we drive down Yellowhead Highway, I’m sitting here with my laptop, typing away in the back of the RV. The blank Word document is taunting me because I don’t know where to begin.

“Black bear!” dad yells from the front. I swivel around just in time to see the fuzzy beast ambling along the roadside parallel to the pines. It’s the seventh black bear we’ve spotted in the last 24 hours, and we’re craving a sighting of the infamous grizzly. “Grizzly!” yells mum, not two minutes after the first bear. And there it is - again just on the roadside – formidable, amber, soft. A cuddle would almost be worth the grisly consequences. So now, with one eye on the road, and another on my keyboard, I’ll tell you a little about my adventure in Canada’s rugged west – The Rockies.

It’s a difficult place to put in to words. The sheer scale of everything here is off the charts. From Vancouver, we travelled west for two days to Banff –just a fraction of the way across this mighty landmass. I frequently compare our daily distances with little old New Zealand – a reminder of just how small we really are, neatly tucked away in an almost forgotten corner of the world.

The mountains here are, to quote Fight Club, the way you think of God’s as big. Through broad glacial valleys we drove between sheer cliffs of charcoal grey, the snow and pine somehow finding the will to cling on. While you chumps cling to the last fingers of summer’s warmth like twigs to their leaves, the north is in the full bloom of spring. The meadows are sprouting dandelions for the black bears to nibble on, the elk are beginning to grow velvet antlers, and the streams are rushing with melt water. Everything feels awake and on the move.

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As much as I love my home, I must admit our wildlife is a bit weak. Don’t get me wrong, I love our hapless native birds to death (well, I would if the flightless buggers weren’t too busy being eaten), but that’s about all we have to get excited about.

Over here, the forests are bursting with more than just the odd fantail and possum. Elk and bears graze on the roadsides, squirrels twitter through the trees, and on the mountain’s upper reaches, you can spot mountain goats, big horn sheep and marmots basking in the sun. In over two thousand kilometres, we haven’t seen any road kill, and that has nothing to do with the drivers – there are too many opportunistic species over here to let a free meal go to waste. Bears, eagles and ravens drag the bodies off the road before they have a chance to go cold.

On the subject of bears, they add a whole new dimension to walking in the woods. Thankfully, I haven’t come across any on foot yet, but we’ve been taking precautions. Signs in all of the parks suggest walking in groups, making noise, and carrying bear spray (the same as pepper spray, I hear, but more effective on bears than on peppers). I had a good read up on bear attacks this morning though, and it seems if a bear has you in its sights, you’re pretty much fucked. Apparently you’re meant to keep calm and play dead if charged. I feel playing dead would just make it easier for the bear, but what do I know. Maybe it’s more a matter of accepting your fate, rather than dissuading the bear.

Just roll over and hope it’s quick.

RV travel really is the way to go here. Camping in tents would be hella cold, not to mention the fact many campsites have banned tenting due to bears, and there isn’t much accommodation to speak of in the national parks.

After a month in the south island living out of a car, our 29-foot behemoth feels like sex on wheels. It has sounds, stow away beds, a fridge and freezer (which means cold beer and ice cream anywhere, anytime), a shower, toilet, gas cooker, oven and sink.

I could definitely see myself investing in one of these bad boys in the future, perhaps as a solution to Auckland’s housing costs.

Yeah, they’re pretty much the 65-year-old retired golfer’s mode of transport, but the appeal of owning a travelling home is strong with this one.

Midway between Banff and Jasper National Parks, we parked up for the night at the Icefields Parkway. Essentially a massive car park at the foot of a glacier, it was one of the trippiest places I’ve ever visited.

In the shadow of gargantuan slabs of splitting ice which rest silently, yet precariously, on rocky peaks, we sat outside in shirts and shorts having a few beers in what felt like a summer’s day.

Simply madness.

Banff and Jasper boast some of the most picturesque lakes the world over. I’ll be honest, I’m no lake expert at all, but I can’t fathom any other lakes being any better. Icy mountains plunge straight into the most ridiculous blue you’ve ever seen. No really, it’s frankly disgusting how blue that water is. It’s so blue, it feels fake, like a cheap Vegas imitation. Get your Google image search all up on Lake Louise and tell me it doesn’t stir something deep within your wander-lusting soul.

From here, I’m heading to Vancouver Island, a seemingly small landmass off Canada’s west coast (which is actually around the size of our North Island). It’ll have to be pretty damn special to compete with The Rockies, but to be honest, I’m not sure anything will. Cheers Canada.

COOL SHIT

A BI G J ET PLANE Student Flights has a $50 travel voucher up for grabs this week! So we’re happy to help you give you a hand with your next big adventure, if you’re happy to send us a very vivid word picture of the best airplane cuisine you ever had the pleasure of digesting. (If you’ve never flown or had airplane food, just tell us what your ideal plane meal would be). Laurien was very obviously hungry when she dreamed up this competition, so oblige her by emailing your nomnom dishes to lbarks@aut.ac.nz to be in to win.

A N EW MUS E Muse has returned with their new album Drones as of June 5. An album co-produced by Muse and Robert John “Mutt” Lange, and it contains 12 tracks. Muse have sold 17 million albums worldwide, and their last album was their highest ever debut in the USA, entering the chart at number two. Drones promises as much or more, popularity, as GQ praises that the band is “at the peak of their powers.” We’ve got three copies to give away for the first three people to email lbarks@aut.ac.nz with their favourite Muse song lyrics.

GET TH E MA S S AGE As an alternative to massage oils, LUSH’s massage bars not only look the picture of beauty, but also contain an exceedingly beneficial concoction of the finest essential oils to soothe, smooth, and boost even the prickliest of moods.

Most bars retail at $18.50 and are available at LUSH shops nationwide.

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Then there is a Fair Trade premium price that is an additional sum of money that goes into a communal fund account.

Farmers and workers can use this to improve social, economic, and environmental conditions.

Fair Trade is more than paying a fair price to farmers and producers - it is also about the people themselves. Fair Trade has programs in place that provide skill training, business guidance, and networking support in the international market. By doing so, it helps farmers and producers to create a sustainable production process for generations to come.

However, not only do the producers and farmers benefit, but their local communities thrive as well. Fair Trade enables farmers and workers to fund community projects such as new roads, water wells, mobile healthcare, and schooling. This empowers the local community by giving them independence to improve their lives, and overcome poverty. Fair Trade also aims to empower women in their local community. Many Fair Trade co-operatives, such as Kuapa Kokoo (Ghana, West Africa), place women in leadership positions.

HOW TO BE THE FA I R E S T O F T H E M A L L

by Lian Thay On May 8, the annual Fair Trade fortnight kicked off, and celebrated everything and anything to do with Fair Trade. But what is Fair Trade? And how much do you know about it? Here are a few things I’ve heard: “… Fair Trade is like chocolate and coffee with that logo on it” “I don’t really know, but I know some bananas and chocolate are fair trade” “It’s when the chocolate is made from cocoa beans that are ethical” Of course, all of these responses are right, but Fair Trade isn’t all about the chocolate, the coffee, or the bananas. There is a much bigger picture!

So, let me break it down. Fair Trade is a trading partnership between farmers and buyers that involves communication, respect, and understanding. It aims to provide equality for producers and farmers from developing countries in the international market. Put simply, Fair Trade is about price, people, and the planet.

Fair Trade producers and farmers in developing countries often find it hard to compete in the international market. They rely on 'middle-men’, meaning the producer earns a smaller return on their goods. Fair Trade ensures that producers and farmers in developing countries are paid a fair price for their goods. There is a Fair Trade minimum price that is paid for the goods, and to cover the production costs.

And lastly, Fair Trade thinks about Mother Nature. Fair Trade provides education on sustainable practices such as looking after the soil, crop harvesting and storage. This ensures the continuous production for farmers and producers, now and for future generations. It’s as the saying goes – give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

So what do you think? A nice and easy way to understand what Fair Trade stands for - price, people, and planet. Now go out there and spread the word. But wait… It’s one thing to talk the talk, but can you walk the walk? Everybody who’s anybody knows you can get Fair Trade chocolate; there’s just so many out there…. Whittaker’s Dairy Milk and Dark Ghana, Trade Aid chocolates, Wellington Chocolate Factory’s range, etc.

But fear not, you don’t need to survive on just chocolate to support Fair Trade. Fair Trade foods are plentiful, and are actually quite easy to find.

Let’s start with an obvious Fair Trade store – Trade Aid. Trade Aid is your one-stop Fair Trade shop. They have their own range of chocolates in milk, dark, mint, toffee and almond.

They also stock delicious cocoa dusted almonds and raisins, organic Fair Trade cocoa powder for all you bakers, boxes of tea (green, black, decaf etc.), and some dried fruit (try the mangoes) to snack on. Trade Aid also stocks Fair Trade handmade jewellery, candles (and incenses), beauty products, and toys.

Next stop, Countdown. Countdown stocks quite a few Fair Trade brands. You can find Scarborough Fair, Caffe L’affare and Kokako in your tea/coffee aisles, All Good Organic and FairNando Bananas in your fresh produce section, and Nice Blocks iceblocks next to your frozen peas.

And if you’re heading out to eat, why not stop by Starbucks, Esquires, and Wild Bean Café. You see, supporting Fair Trade is not as hard as you think it is. You have the power to choose Fair Trade, and change the world, one purchase at a time.

YOU CAN’T KNOW THE UNKNOWN

by Matthew Cattin One was George Orwell’s Animal Farm, the other two I forget the names of (but I do remember they featured politics and feminism). Loud as life, the three discussed their books and the topics within, before moving on to the mother of all topics, religion. Now, I’m not much of a pious man myself, but as I sat there unable to focus on my book, I cringed my way through the next hour. First years though they were, they already knew it all.

I would present my arguments like impenetrable fortresses, daring anybody to crack their skulls against my sound reasoning. And then one day, I guess I just grew up.

When I was that age, I too was likely a self-assured douche. But I’d like to think I made it through that phase, and have therefore earned the privilege of saying: oi, if you have an opinion about religion, and you’re in a public forum, then please, for the benefit of everyone around you, deflate your ego, bite your tongue, and for the love of God, shut the fuck up.

I came to realise that arguing about spirituality is about as sensible as two trees playing tug of war. Both parties are grounded roots deep in their own patch of soil, immovable and quite happy that way. But at the end of the day, despite their differences, they’re both just trees, growing tall, reaching for the same sunlight as one another. And I’d wager they’ll both grow better if they don’t get busy knocking each other’s branches off.

You can read every book there is on the subject, study philosophy or science, go to Bible school, or worship the devil soaked in pig’s blood, but at the end of the day, you will never know. And that’s the crux of it. You just do not know. You couldn’t possibly.

The pope doesn’t know, and nor does Richard Dawkins. They both believe they know, sure, but it is impossible to know the unknown, and it’s as simple as that. But to have the confidence to think you know for complete certainty one way or the other, is in my opinion a foolish blunder.

This is the advice I wish I could have given myself as a selfentitled youngster. But in my youth, I thought I knew best. In terms of what I believe, I am honestly still none-the-wiser, but I have learned a thing or two about biting my tongue. In college I used to be the type to get into lengthy debates, nit-picking holy works and challenging religious folk to have a satisfactory answer to every question I had. I would present my arguments like impenetrable fortresses, daring anybody to crack their skulls against my sound reasoning. And then one day, I guess I just grew up.

University seems to be the peak of self-righteousness for many young adults. All of a sudden, after 13 or so years of being told what to think and how to think it at school, they’re free to chase their individuality. Thinking critically is the cool thing to do, and that’s just great, but students often develop a habit of thinking their opinions are they only ones that count, and annoyingly have no filter when it comes to sharing them.

By all means, talk with your friends, express your ideas about spirituality, challenge, inspire, doubt, feel, but know that there is always a time, a place, and a way to discuss the big questions.

Be respectful of your companions, but also those around you – you don’t know their backgrounds or beliefs. Bleating on in a self-righteous manner on a crowded bus, for example, probably isn’t the coolest way to express yourself. And nor is trying your utmost best to convert somebody one way or the other if they don’t seem interested. Or, if that’s too much to remember in one sitting, it can all be simplified in four words; don’t be a douchebag.

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Fi v e B u d g e t Fr i e n d l y Beauty Buys

By Jessica Varney

These five products prove you don’t need to break the bank to look good.

For the Complexion Maybelline’s Dream Lumi Touch Highlighting Concealer is an exact dupe for YSL’s infamous Touché Éclat, likely because the two brands are sister companies. Maybelline’s version boasts the same brightening properties with a hint more coverage, perfect for covering those dark circles from a late night hitting the books. This one comes in at $22.49.

For the Brows Loreal’s Brow Artist Plumper is all you need for on fleek brows.

Setting them in place all day, the gel adds a hint of colour and lifelike texture to thicken the brow and hide any sparse patches.

Available in three shades, there’s one for brunettes, blondes and even a clear for those with a more unique hair colour. And the best bit, it’s only $21.99.

For the Lips Gwyneth Paltrow once said, “Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick-ass red lipstick,” and with a supermodel’s seal of approval, you can’t go wrong with Rimmel’s Lasting Finish by Kate Moss. The range comes in a variety of colours and textures, from creamy pinks to matte dark reds, there’s one for every occasion. And the beauty of it, they’re only $16.99 a pop.

For the Cheeks Revlon’s Highlighting Palettes are a dream. Based on the design of Bobbi Brown’s Shimmer Bricks, the palettes come in three shades, each with five colours. Depending on the shade, when swirled together the palettes offer a nice pop of colour for the cheeks or give an all over bronze. When using the colours singularly you can achieve a complexion-enhancing highlight to rival that of Victoria’s Secret Angels. You might want to save these for night time however, as the shimmer is easily detected in daylight which could end up making you look like a part of the Cullen clan. On the pricier end of the spectrum at $32.99, these might be one to consider, but in being multi-purpose they do provide a little more bang for your buck.

For the Eyes Maybelline Colour Tattoo’s are eye shadow made easy. There are 10 colours in the permanent line, every one of them a cream formula that can be applied with a brush, or even your fingers. With one swipe, you’re good to go, otherwise you can choose to layer them underneath regular powder eye shadows for added contour, longevity, depth of colour and crease resistance. There has been a big buzz surrounding these beauties since they first hit the scene back in 2011, and it’s no surprise why. At $15.99 it’s hard to say no.

By Shivan Photo by Margaret Zhang from ShinebyThree From Ivory to Vanilla, white has always symbolized fresh, clean and new beginnings. Even though it’s after Labour Day, during these crisp winter mornings all I feel like wearing is white on white with some more white. This rule of “no white after Labour Day” really got me thinking about the significance and superstition white holds in the way we dress.

I guess on its face, not wearing white after labour day in the northern hemisphere makes sense, as Labour Day marks the end of summer, and white was usually worn to help keep you cool during the summer sun. However, some believe this rule came about from women that would mostly resemble the 1800s version of the Real House Wives of Beverly Hills. These women would try and segregate between old and new money by setting rules that would help outcast these women that came from families with new money. Certain rules would be the length of a sleeve or not wearing a certain colour after a federal holiday.

However, white to us is most popularly known as the colour worn by brides on their wedding day, before Queen Victoria’s choice to wear white for her wedding day, brides usually wore heavy embroidered gowns, with white, silver and red being particularly popular in Western Europe. Brides had access to a wide range of colours from blue, yellow and even black, however Queen Victoria’s wedding seemed to spread farther and wider than the wedding of Kim Kardashian (the second wedding), and yet to this day, white is considered the traditional attire for a bride.

From there the socialites preferred white as a way to show the world the bride’s family was wealthy, and formed an elaborate class where the bride would choose a dress so elaborate and expensive that it could easily get ruined.

However, these days the white wedding dress symbolises tradition and new beginnings.

White, in Eastern cultures, is considered the colour of mourning.

White saris and clothes are worn during funerals in the Indian culture to represent purity and loss, and some traditional widows wear white after the death of their partner to symbolize ongoing mourning for their loss.

The universal colour of white can mean so many things in so many different cultures, and it has always been important for me to know the significance of every shirt I wear on my back. There are some rules on wearing white on white so you don’t look like a nun when you walk into class, unless you are into that.

1.

Try to incorporate white into your daily wear in small bits, whether it’s in the form of a jacket, pants, or a skirt.

2. Try going full white on white either in a dress or pants, but ensure you try to break up the look by cinching your waist with a dark colour belt to really help the white pop.

3. I have always loved the ethereal white on white look, you could try incorporating long flowing white chiffon into your look for nightwear.

4. Some pet peeves are: - white clothes that aren’t clean and extra white - wet white clothes that have gone transparent (be prepared when you’re wearing white in wet weather) - wearing the same white-on-white look more than once a week

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LIMITED BY WORDS

By Julie Cleaver

There are so many complex human emotions, yet so few words in the English language to describe them. Good, love, happy, and sad are just a few overused terms used to communicate a wide array of emotions. That’s probably one of the reasons English is becoming the universal language, because it’s so damn simple!

For example, the word love defines the unbreakable bond between two humans, yet you can also love chocolate.

Whereas in Spanish, there are tons of different words to express the degree of ‘love’ you have for someone. Being fond or partial to someone is ser aficionado a, desiring or lusting for someone is apetecer, having love at first sight el flechazo, or having passionate love is el amor. Yet in English we literally only have the words like and love. Oh, but you can say you ‘like like’ someone, which makes a heap of sense and gives the word a totally new meaning.

Then there’s describing the feeling of sadness. Sure we have a few different words; homesickness, emptiness, loneliness, but again, they’re totally simplistic blanket words used to define basically every negative emotion out there. In Russian, they have the word toska. The writer Vladimir Nobokov translates this word best: “No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause. At less morbid levels it is a dull ache of the soul, a longing with nothing to long for, a sick pining, a vague restlessness, mental throes, yearning. In particular cases it may be the desire for somebody or something specific, nostalgia, love-sickness. At the lowest level it grades into ennui, boredom.”

Doesn’t toska open up an entire new understanding of how someone could be feeling? Learning about these words got me thinking; can our feelings exist without language to express them? In George Orwell’s novel 1984, Big Brother, the totalitarian government, tries to phase out all describing words.

This is because they were attempting to create an emotionless race and without the word happy, they thought the concept of being happy would vanish. If something abstract cannot be expressed or communicated, will it still exist? This idea scares me, a lot. If we only use a few words to articulate how we feel, our complex emotions may disappear.

Or even worse, what if emotions can transcend language barriers? It’s very possible that we would still feel a degree of toska even if we can’t describe that sensation in English.

However, without words to express complicated emotions, we will be alone in our torment or joy. That would be miserable, because sharing with others makes our emotions manageable and also gives our lives meaning.

Ultimately by only using a few words to communicate everything we go through, we are oversimplifying the human experience.

The way you feel towards your family could be described as love; or it could be a deep feeling of care for other people, as your identity and soul is forever intertwined with their existence.

So to combat the horrific simplicity of everyday English, we need good writing! Poetry and prose allow us to view our emotions in a different way, which keeps them definable and therefore controllable. So we must continue to read, write and express ourselves, for as long as we wish to remain human.

HOME MADE MUESLI

RECIPE

by George Fenwick Being a muesli fiend can be stressful. Every brand has its own take on the cereal. Nuts only! Nuts and seeds! SUPER nutty! Fruity! Berry! Apricot! Papaya! Coconut! Sawdust!

It’s also bloody expensive .There’s nothing worse than staring longingly at the top shelf of gourmet brands, with brazil nuts and sliced apple smiling condescendingly down at your peasant student ass, reaching for the $5.29 homebrand bag. Fuck you too, ‘PureDelish.’

One morning I was staring at my bowl of Hubbards, and realised that I could identify every individual ingredient in my bowl. Which was pretty cool because I’m not much of a foodie. How often is it, nowadays - when we’re surrounded by factory-processed foods - you can name every ingredient in your food based on sight? If someone asked me what was in bread, I’d probably just stare at the ground and say, “um, bread…” With that realisation came a partner epiphany: if I know what’s in this shit, I CAN MAKE THIS SHIT. So, a couple of google searches and trip to the bulk foods aisle later, I’d made my own muesli. It’s that easy.

Ingredients:

1. Preheat your oven to 180 degrees. Line a baking tray with baking paper.

·

3 cups oats

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1 and a half tablespoons honey

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A splash of vegetable oil

2. Melt your honey in the microwave, or in a saucepan, or if you’re affluent, skip this step, because you can afford runny honey.

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LITERALLY WHATEVER YOU WANT FROM HERE:

·

But I’ll give you some pointers

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A handful of almonds

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A handful of cashew nuts

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A handful of walnuts

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A handful of raisins

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1 cup sunflower seeds

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½ cup pumpkin seeds

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ANY OTHER NUT OR SEED OR FRUIT YOU WANT, MAN

You get the idea though, right? You dictate what you wanna put in this cereal, and trust me – everything tastes amazing. Quantities don’t matter too much; I just kind of shake the nuts out of the bag until it looks like they’d end up in at least every second spoonful.

As the nuts are more expensive, I find it better to have a large base quantity of oats and a sparing amount of nuts.

3. Combine honey, vegetable oil and oats in a large bowl.

4. You know what? May as well just chuck everything else in while you’re at it. Mix like crazy.

5. Taste an oat or nut or two, just to make sure your honey has spread evenly. Nothing wrong with chucking a bit more honey in. Natural sugar. Clean eating. Bees, etc.

6. Spread your muesli mix on your oven tray so that it’s roughly one layer across. The quantities I use require two trays.

7. Stick it in the oven for about 20 minutes. Check and stir regularly – older and bitchier ovens will burn your oats on the edge of your tray before the middle ones are properly roasted. Just give your mix a little stir with a wooden spoon to ensure even roasting and avoid carcinogenic poisoning.

8. When the oats, nuts, and everything else is a golden colour, remove from oven and leave to cool for five minutes.

9. Take photo

10. Upload to Pinterest 11. Or don’t

12. Just eat it Look at you go! Stick it to that corporate muesli, man. Serve your delicate assortment of fibre and grains with milk and/or yoghurt, and a little sprinkle of cinnamon is never a bad idea. These servings should last you a week or so – or if you, like me, have a lack of self-control, two days. Enjoy.

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PETER/WENDY

Stage Two Productions Directed by Jesse Hillford

Reviewed by Laurien Barks I was both impressed, and afraid when I walked into the Peter/ Wendy preshow. Impressed because the set enveloped me like a cosy blanket fort (probably because it was one), and there were actors writing their ‘happy thoughts’ on the floor with chalk - that’s hella cool. But afraid because I’m an orthodox Peter Pan fan girl, and I get rather possessive with the traditional masterpiece that is Neverland – it freaks me out when people try and tamper with it.

But my freak out was unjustified, as the cast of Peter/Wendy pranced, flew, and fell across the stage (it was all I could do to not chuck ice packs at them at the end…bruises were definitely made), and into my heart. Kudos to solid casting, everyone seemed to melt into their roles in the way god (aka J.M. Barrie) would have intended. Geneva Norman played the sweetest Wendy I ever did see, Caleb Wells also managed to embody the best interpretation of the character, Smee, that I’ve seen in a long time (sah cute!), and the casting of Irene Corbett as Peter was spot on – I don’t think a dude could have played a small boy more convincingly than she did (though that’s no insult to Corbett’s femininity, she’s definitely got it going on).

If I had anything to pick at, it would be the musical interlude as Peter and Wendy flew amongst the stars to Neverland. Loved the idea of it, thought it was carried out spectacularly with the finger lights turning the cast into stars, the modern Alt-J song accompaniment, and the sheer cool-factor; it just dragged on a bit long for my tastes.

All in all, the production was a success in my books. Brilliant creative direction shone through in both the blocking and set design. It took me deeper into Neverland by taking me out of it completely – a cast full of kids in their jammies, playing makebelieve in a blanket fort? Yes! Twas worth a longer season than it had.

lived in Auckland CBD. It makes me so proud, I even showed it to my Mum, she came up from Wellington, and I literally introduced her to Mukunda’s before I introduced her to my flatmates.

MAKUNDA'S

268 Karangahape Road

Reviewed by Amelia Petrovich So I’m about to let you in on possibly the best kept secret on K-Road (and I’m sure there are more than a few to compare to). I am shocked and confused that people aren’t talking this place up way more, especially since so many people I chat to are broke-ass students who are perpetually ravenous. Mukunda’s is one of the proudest discoveries I’ve made in the whole eighteen months I’ve

Mukunda’s is a vegan/vegetarian Hare Krishna restaurant that specializes in vast quantities of warming, cheap food. I already know where your head is at, “no meat?! Why, this is hardly food at all! I need to eat at least three bison per day to get #demsickgainz before summer!” Well my friend, I challenge you to fit even a single, measly chicken drumstick in your satisfied belly after a meal at Mukunda’s. They have an array of dishes and combos, featuring things like pakoras, curries, semolina pudding, and mango lassiall of which are ridiculously yummy and crazy filling too.

It’s also super kind on your wallet, especially if you have a valid student ID. The cheapest combo meal (which winds up being $6 as a student) includes rice, vegetable curry, dahl soup, semolina pudding and a couple of pakoras for good measure. That’s basically a three-course meal plus badass, tasty pakoras and that’s hella good enough for me!

The interior of the place is pretty simple, I’ll be honest, but it has a row of low tables surrounded by cushions that you can sit on with a big group of people (or just by yourself if you’re not into sharing snuggly cushions). There is also self-serve chilled water, which is a pretty cool thing too.

REVIEWS

However, Campbell Live was no ordinary current affairs show. With a cheerful, talented and captivating host in John Campbell, who constantly exudes the charm – the personality and optimism that this man and show emitted made for delightful viewing even when the stories were at their darkest.

The final episode of Campbell, unjustly cancelled decades too soon, combined everything this show stands for. With John’s charming smile there until the very last shot, montages of past stories and coverage were played across the last half hour. With the occasional touch of humour, this was mostly a moving look back at what the show achieved across ten years. It shames me to admit I watched Shortland Street for much of its time on air, but I was surprised by how many of the pieces I remembered watching or hearing about, and the sheer diversity of topics highlighted was incredible.

CAMPBELL LIVE: FINAL EPISODE Reviewed by Ethan Sills It seems weird to mourn the end of a current affairs show. After all, it is not as though news will stop happening, or that any of the reporters will disappear from existence the way TV characters do whenever their shows wrap up.

I doubt anyone watching this final episode remained dry eyed throughout the entire show. The footage chosen, even the briefest snapshots of the likely lengthy original pieces, stirred up a range of emotions I rarely experience watching most fictional shows.

Mediaworks may have been losing a bit of money over this show, but the real losers will be the general public, as we will no longer have a show as powerful as this again, headlined by a man truly committed to what he does with the talent and persona to back it all up. This last half hour just goes to show this is a gap in our country’s television that will unlikely be filled again.

The interior is contemporary and spacious, and for $3.50 a plate, you can both get your fill and impress. It was my five-year anniversary with my man, after all.

The key to sushi train is much like real-estate – location, location! I nabbed a prime spot right in front of the sushi chefs. I watched like a hawk and snatched freshly prepared plates before they even hit the conveyor belt.

SUSHI TRAIN 32 Courthouse lane, CBD Reviewed by Yen Z-eng A generic name like “Sushi Train” doesn’t do justice to the elegant and bounteous dining offered at 32 Courthouse Lane, CBD.

There are over 80 different choices off the menu (yes, all $3.50 each!) so we had to choose wisely. We started with the delightful king fish and snapper sashimi. Three generous portions per plate, succulent, and oh so fresh. The friendly maître d’ kept recommending us beautiful plates that weren’t on the train, and got the chefs to make them from scratch. It felt like we had a personal chef! Giant prawns, scallops, eel… and many others I couldn’t put a name to!

The best of dishes were off the Aburi menu, where sushi is lightly grilled with a blow torch, exquisitely marrying the chargrilled essence with fresh seafood. 15 plates later, and I ended with the best Japanese creation ever: the “Volcano Roll”. It was no metaphor - it’s a small mountain of tangy mayo over crab meat – and the flavours really explode in your mouth.

We ended up spending $56 over 16 plates. As Arnie says in Terminator Genesys: I’ll be back.

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