Debate | Issue 8 | 2020

DEBATE ISSUE 8| SEX | JULY 2020

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EDITOR Rebecca Zhong debate@aut.ac.nz DESIGNER Ramina Rai ILLUSTRATOR Yi Jong NEWS WRITER Jack Pirie FEATURE WRITER Andrew Broadley CONTRIBUTORS Casta Lawson, Alice Houlbrook, Sophia Romanos, James Tapp ADVERTISING Jesse Jones jesse.jones@aut.ac.nz PRINTER Bluestar Collard

DISCLAIMER Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AUTSA, its advertisers, contributors, Bluestar Collard or its subsidiaries.

This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUT STUDENT ASSOCIATION (“AUTSA”).

Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AUTSA. Debate is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Follow Debate! debatemag.com debate_mag autsadebate debate@aut.ac.nz

contents

3 Letter From The Editor 4 The AUT Situation: How A Global Pandemic Revealed it All 6 A Semester in Review 8 Sex with Casta 10 Re-O Week 12 Sex, with God 16 Giveaways 18 Retiring the Hoe Phase 20 Your Must-Watch List for NZ International Film Festival 22 Please Get Me Off This Ride I Was Too Short When I Got On 26 Despicable Three 30 Chewed Up Gum 32 Sexyscopes 34 Puzzles

by inferring that this grey area is victim to the same degree of trauma. But I do want to encourage greater conversation on this issue. We need to normalise our concern towards “bad sex.” We need to talk to our friends and partners about the tools, resources and language required to mitigate bad sex. We need to hold each other to account, and ensure that we feel comfortable in talking about what makes us uncomfortable.

from the editor Let’s talk about bad sex. And no, by bad sex I’m not referring to being jackhammered in some dingy flat in O Week (though that is also very bad sex).

But rather the grey area that exists in consensual sex. For years me and my female friends have spoken about this, sharing unanimous nods of solidarity as we still fail to find the appropriate words to navigate this murky area. It’s a kind of a sexual nuance that most women instinctively understand as true: the situation that you agreed upon is yes consensual, but in your heart you know something is wrong. I guess when it comes down to it, it’s when you find yourself in those instances where you say “yes” but you really mean “no.”

assault: that saying “yes” often actually means saying “no.” Consent, like a lot of things, isn’t black and white. I have always been an advocate for safe, clear and effective communication, especially with sexual intimacy. But I also recognise this is a whole lot easier said than done. There is a level of passivity that is ever so prominent in our perception of women, and unsurprisingly this extends to many things, including the bedroom.

Women are taught to be accommodating and docile, that they must protect others’ feelings before their own.

And often this comes at the expense of submitting to lukewarm sex that is both invasive and leaves you with a sense of guilt.

It seems like this conversation has been largely neglected in the discourse surrounding sexual harassment and

Like most of us, I’m not really too sure on how to navigate this space. I don’t want to take away from sexual assault

With that all being said, welcome to semester 2 and issue 8 of Debate. Sex is complicated. There are many avenues to explore, many conversations to be had and many things to critique.

Our contributors this week provide insight into a number of different topics. Our feature writer Andrew Broadley talks about how suppression of desire can often translate into toxic relationship habits in his piece “Sex, with God.” And our beloved sex columnist Casta Lawson gives us some of her best work to date in the form of her much anticipated Minion erotica.

Lastly, for the past few months AUT has been in the spotlight, and rightfully so.

This institution has not done enough to support its students. Whether that be block learning, a lack of support or poor communication. Currently AUT is undergoing an independent review for sexual harassment. AUT for years has not done enough to support their ‘zero tolerance’ status. After sexual assault allegations were made towards Max Abbott, countless claims have come forward pointing to how AUT has facilitated a harassment culture for quite some time. Since Max Abbott, sexual assault allegations have also been made towards Nigel Hemmington and another staff member yet to be disclosed. We demand transparency in this review. It’s time to pay up, AUT.

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NEWS

THE AUT SITUATION: How A Global Pandemic Revealed It All

By Jack Pirie It feels like it was just yesterday that we all were finishing our first semester assignments. I mean for those that got those five-day extensions due to “COVID reasons” it probably wasn’t too far from yesterday. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you missed out. If you do know what I’m talking about, then a very well-played semester to you.

Last semester we saw AUT attempt to combat the effects of COVID-19. It’s fair to say that success of the university’s ability to deal with a global pandemic among many other things was perhaps underwhelming. We started off with the

flip-flop decision making based around the ‘Block Learning Model.’ To spark your memory (in case you forgot) the university decided to shift online learning in the form a block learning model in which one paper would be taught at a time and all the previous work done by students would be null in void. Not to mention the academic year would conclude a few weeks from Christmas.

That was until the media caught on to the student uproar and began to bring AUT into the national spotlight. According to the Vice Chancellor, the decision to go back to a ‘normal’ system of online

learning was due to the university listening to the student voice. Interesting comment, as in case you forgot, AUTSA (the physical representation of the student voice) was in fact left out of many of the conversations in regard to decision making processing around block learning.

AUTSA told Debate they were “shocked” by the lack of student representation seen during the process. In a previous exclusive interview with Debate, Vice Chancellor Derek McCormack went on to say that “far too much has been made out of the decision to go to block learning” and claims that student lives being affected was an “overstatement.”

Moving forward toward the announcement of Level 4 lockdown, we saw a shambolic breakdown in communication with student accommodation. Where students in halls were left with no information, guidance or direction from the university going into a national lockdown that none of us had ever experienced in our lifetime. Four hundred students living in university halls (most of them being their first year away from home) were left to their own devices.

This led to approximately 300 students moving back home all across the country for the national lockdown. During this time students were still expected to pay full price fees for their unused rooms. Once again AUT caught the media’s attention and found themselves in the national spotlight, attempting to defend their lack of communication and reasoning for their actions and inaction. The Vice Chancellor told Debate these issues were being blown out of proportion and ensured it was not the university’s responsibility to offer a rebate to students in the halls. However, not all is bad. AUT and a number of other New Zealand universities' poor response to student accommodation only further highlighted the need for an inquiry on a national level. Because of the injustices witnessed at AUT halls and other student accommodation during the lockdown period, parties across our government have agreed to conduct an inquiry into residential student accommodation.

To complete the hat-trick of events, we saw an AUT professor accused of sexual harassment, thus dragging the university's name through the mud again. Max Abbott

held the title of Dean prior to these allegations and had been at the University for 29 years. The allegations came from a colleague who had said the sexual harassment had spanned a two-year period.

Since the allegations, Abbott has resigned from the University. However multiple sources have since emerged questioning the ‘top dogs’ of the University and how their behaviours remain unchecked in their own ‘boys club.' ‘There are people saying that this harassment culture has been an open secret for years at AUT, with powerful figures within the University abusing their positions with little to no consequence.

AUT and a number of other New Zealand universities' poor response to student accommodation only further highlighted the need for an inquiry on a national level Since these allegations, the Vice Chancellor announced an ‘independent review’ of AUT “policies, systems and practices with a focus on sexual harassment.” This review is currently being led by a legal expert with no affiliation to the University. This legal expert is Kate Davenport of the Queen's Counsel. As of yet Debate is unsure of any student involvement in the review process.

In an email to staff the Vice Chancellor says “At this time, there is a lot I need to reflect on, a lot I need to think about in how to make changes to improve, and the outcome of the review will be enormously helpful… it reminds me that we are all human with flaws – but also with great potential. As all of us try to do the right things we will all make mistakes, we will all misread situations, and we will all misjudge things.” The independent review is expected to take three months to carry out. Kath McPherson is the university contact person for the Queen's Council.

In an email sent out to staff McPherson said “While getting the review process underway - I am making contact with leaders of faculties and directorates to see if they and/or their staff would like to meet with me in the coming weeks. I also plan to establish a university-wide women’s caucus to provide guidance to me and to be a resource for the independent reviewer.

I will be engaging with the AUT Diversity Group, AUT Women on Campus, and some of our own academics with expertise in sexual harassment and related fields… I want to ensure that staff, students and external stakeholders have opportunities to engage with the review in the way that makes them most comfortable.”

This semester I will be keeping you up to date with all things news to make sure you stay informed and make sure you know what is happening in your university.

It’s only fair that you, the student, feel informed, confident and safe in the place you go to learn.

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A Semester in Review at AUT With rose tinted glasses the Debate team take a trip down memory lane Illustrations by Yi Jong

Rebecca Zhong (Editor)

So a lot of shit went down in the first semester that undoubtedly warrants attention and concern. We’ve heard about the utter injustices that exist in student accommodation, Derek’s and his bois' undying persistence to tiptoe around everything, and to top it all off... toxic power dynamics and sexual assault allegations! You’re really outdoing yourself, AUT. And while I can talk shit about all these things at length, I have to admit AUT has at least attempted to provide some insight and resolutions.

But on a purely administrative level let’s talk about block learning.

Honestly the whole process wasn’t that far from when you’re off your face at a flat party and you and your mate have a yarn over what you think is an ingenious business idea. The next morning you’re pretty much bound to realise it was a shit idea and you should probably stick to your day job. AUT decision makers on the other hand were completely sober and just ran with it. This is living proof that I don’t need to be well informed to make decisions that will impact others, I just have to be white and male.

Andrew Broadley (Feature Writer)

When I was at school I would often hear the phrase “Don’t dog on the boys.” A childish phrase about brotherhood and loyalty, but one that often had underlying misogyny to it. A boys boys boys at all cost mentality. It’s a phrase I thought was just that, childish, and one I didn’t think would carry on beyond school.

But more or less, AUT seems pretty keen to not “dog on its boys.”

The handling of the sexual accusations against senior members of staff has been pretty poor, and the following claims that this ‘boys club’ culture isn’t an isolated incident has brought back these memories of high school.

Sorry to say it AUT, but I think it’s time to dog on the boys.

James Tapp

(Digital Content Manager) It’s only July, and AUT has not only shown their incompetence, but also lack of empathy. It feels like I’m watching a flailing fish, gasping for air, ready to get back into the ocean where they feel safe. Instead they’ve been caught. Unlike the other fish in the sea, they took the bait of block learning, but managed to get off the hook before they reached the surface. Whether it was the students' voices or general disagreement from staff that led to them deciding it wasn’t so tasty, it doesn’t feel like we’ll really know. Derek and his school of snapper (snapper because all of Derek’s bois are rich white men, so naturally snapper is the appropriate choice) seem a bit embarrassed to talk about it. So while AUT has tasted the bait and now know the consequences, they still seem adamant to take another nibble and continue to flail to the dismay of their students.

Seth Nicholls

(Editorial Assistant) My exam season was a complete fuck-up. Worked 15 hours on each of my two exams and still missed the deadline AND I missed my final test for a course. Now I might have to retake the paper!

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SEX WITH CASTA I am the all wise and knowing hoe – I love sex and am here to answer any questions, thank you for coming to my ted talk. By Casta Lawson

Rough and dominating or soft and passionate? Who prefers what?

It depends on the person entirely, what kind of things they like, what the current mood is, and how comfortable they are around their sexual partner. In my opinion, sex shouldn’t be the same every time you have it. Sometimes you want it hard and fast and other times you’re in the mood for something slow and sensual. You can’t just pinpoint it to one routine because your sexual needs vary all the time.

Is it weird to have sexual fetishes towards step siblings?

I don’t think it’s weird at all, human attraction is very normal to experience.

However, acting upon it is fucking weird.

Don’t do that. Stick to watching porn.

How do you get a chick to stop blue balling?

Give up or talk to her about it, honestly.

If she’s leading you on to the point where you’re getting blue balled 24/7 then you either need to sit down and openly communicate to her that this is an ongoing issue for you, or you need to stop being a pussy and hop on Tinder and find a new beezy.

When females don’t say no, is it the male’s fault for going too far?

Definitely. Even if a female isn’t vocal you can still tell when someone is uncomfortable through body language.

We shouldn’t really have to spell it out for

you. If they’re pushing you off, squirming, not engaging fully or avoiding eye contact, that's enough to saythat they’re not comfortable in this situation and you need to stop. Sex is such a personal experience, which is why I believe that even if you hardly know the person, you need to be openly communicate and pay attention at all times.

Spit > lube, change my mind I’m with you there, I personally hate lube.

It stings for me and makes sex super uncomfortable.

Is it normal to have never cum through sex? I’m a male and have gone for over an hour before and have never been able to get off through sex, always having to get myself off afterwards. Is this normal and is there any way to get over this?

There could be a number of reasons as to why you’re constantly experiencing this issue. Psychological, physical and mental components all play a part as to why someone may be unable to cum.

Mind games which can have an effect on your libido, stress, lack of sleep and even emotions are all feasible reasons as to why you aren’t reaching climax.

A lack of trust with your partner could also be subconsciously affecting your ability to fully relax and let go, ultimately holding you back from orgasming.

Additionally, some medications can also impact someone’s libido. This doesn’t just apply to men either, it applies to

everyone. Things like anti-depressants or similar prescription medications affect the neurotransmitters in your brain.

This causes a side-effect of a lower sex drive in most cases (I experienced this when I was on anti-depressants). Other things such as drugs and alcohol can also have an effect. Despite the fact that most men tend to believe that alcohol makes them last longer it actually depresses your nervous system, reducing sensations which also impacts the blood and oxygen flow by dehydration. Finally, some medical issues can also be in play such as diabetes, neurological issues, or cardiac conditions which effect the blood system. Keep in mind that there could be a combination of these factors, it might not be limited to just one thing. But I think these are all things you should take into consideration or potentially look further into. Don’t be afraid to talk about this with your partner either. Having full trust and feeling completely comfortable in yourself always makes sex that much more enjoyable.

Does body count really matter?

I don’t think it matters at all. People who make you feel like body count is important in my opinion have insecurities and only care about it so much because they want people to know that they’re desired by many. Body count isn’t important, and you can go as slow or fast paced with it as you like. You shouldn’t feel like you have to sleep with x amount of people in order to fit in. It doesn’t matter.

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•CITY CAMPUS•

RE-O TIMETABLE

Mon 20 July

Tue 21 July

Wed 22 July

Thu 23 July

Fri 24 July

Chill Zone

Chill Zone

Chill Zone

Fun Zone

Chill Zone

Hikuwai Plaza 10am-2pm

Hikuwai Plaza 10am-2pm

Hikuwai Plaza 10am-2pm

Hikuwai Plaza 10am-2pm

Hikuwai Plaza 10am-2pm

Snow Globe, Studio 55’s Matariki Expo

Snow Globe, Studio 55’s Matariki Expo

Snow Globe, Studio 55’s Matariki Expo

Snow Globe, Studio 55’s Matariki Expo, Melting Maunga, Photobooth, stalls, games

Snow Globe, Studio 55’s Matariki Expo

Campus Kai 12-1pm Free food

Gamers’ Zone Gamers’ Zone Gamers’ Zone Gamers’ Zone

Re-O Party

Vesbar 12-6pm

Vesbar 12-6pm

Vesbar 12-6pm

Vesbar 12-6pm

Vesbar From 5pm

Free Play Arcade Machines

Free Play Arcade Machines

Free Play Arcade Machines

Free Play Arcade Machines

Live band Neon, DJ from 8:30pm

Pub Quiz

Mexican Bingo

Karaoke Night

Clubs Day

Vesbar From 6pm Free entry, R18

Vesbar From 6pm Free entry, R18

Vesbar From 6pm Free entry, R18

Hikuwai Plaza 11am-4pm Clubs info, recruitment & performances

Comedy Night Vesbar From 6pm Free entry, R18

•NORTH CAMPUS• Mon 20 July

Tue 21 July

Wed 22 July

Thu 23 July

Fri 24 July

Chill Zone AS Level 1, 10am-3pm Board games, hot drinks, jukebox

Gamers’ Zone AS Level 1, 10am-3pm Twin Driving Arcade Game Tue 21 July

Tue 21 July

Fun Zone

Clubs Day

Awataha Plaza, 10am-3pm Games, pop up badminton, free throw comp

AF Foyer, 11am-3pm Clubs info & recruitment

•SOUTH CAMPUS• Mon 20 July

Tue 21 July

Wed 22 July

Thu 23 July

Fri 24 July

Chill Zone ME109, 12:15-3pm Hot drinks station, games, arcade machines

Gamers’ Zone MH Foyer, 12:15-3pm Console madness, Xbox 360, PS4, Sega Mega Drive, Atari Flashback, Nintendo mini Wed 22 July

Wed 22 July

Fun Zone

Clubs Day

MH116, 12:15-3pm Pop up table tennis, badminton & fooseball

MH116, 12:15-4pm Clubs info & recruitment

11

Sex,

With God

By Andrew Broadley | Illustration by Yi Jong Growing up my family always ate dinner around the dining table. We were never allowed to have the TV on, not even in the background. That wasn’t the way good Christian families ate dinner. This was our dinner rule, among other rules, and growing up I came to realise that is very much what Christianity, and religion as a whole, is about – rules.

Often I could see my own parents frustrated by their own rules. An interesting news piece shuttered due to dinner being served, a meal delayed by a lengthy prayer. But the rules always remained. Dinner was our family time; reserved for discussion and connection. But it wasn’t all that effective.

My family is both big and small. I am the youngest of seven, but I have very little in the way of extended family. My grandparents passed away all either before I was born or shortly after. My mother’s parents are post-war Dutch immigrants who came to New Zealand alone, and the little family my dad has is down in the deep south. So although I am the youngest of seven, my family has never really felt large. We never had rumpus dinner times with laughter and conversation, or big gatherings, or itchy knitted sweaters, or that older cousin who came bearing gifts of fireworks and cigarettes. There were no Christmas traditions or events or the things you usually associate with a big family. As far as I remember we all kinda ate our food and left.

In many ways I blame Christianity for this. When you are growing up and navigating your feelings, relationships and identity, religion can be a real drag. You begin to deviate and you begin to find your own footing, and if this exploration doesn’t align with your religious beliefs this creates a sense of guilt or shame. You begin to hide and lie and you begin to form a barrier with your own family and open communication comes at a cost of this. And a quiet dinner time meal is only a symptom of a wider issue.

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Growing up I was ever aware of this presence of heaven and hell. When you are young you have this notion of good people go to heaven and bad people go to hell, but as you get older you start to learn that this isn’t the case. People who follow specific rules go to heaven and those who don’t go to hell. It’s not about good or bad, it’s about sin or not sin. And as I am sure many of you are aware, sex outside of marriage is a big tick for the sin column. In church you learn about sex surprisingly frequently for a strictly PG rated environment.

You learn a variety of the age old metaphors for sex. Such as the crumpling of the flower that is no longer pure (classic Jane the Virgin) or the sticky tape metaphor, where you are shown how when you stick tape to too many things, too many times, the tape loses its stickiness and its worth. You are taught how to conceal and repress and to save yourself and you are taught how you will be rewarded for it later. But for most, that’s a long time to wait.

explore is not the role of the church. Have sex if you want to. Don’t have sex if you don’t want to. But don’t abstain for rules or for guilt. The potential harm of these narratives go beyond a sense of guilt or confusion. They can easily manifest in more harmful ways (see Catholicism and its history with paedophilia) and in many cases it can lead to addictions with pornography. Now the actual statistics in this field aren’t an exact science, but some studies suggest that around 20% of Christian men have suffered from porn addiction at some stage in their lives, more than double that of non-Christian men. Now this could be in part due to the heathens’ understanding of ‘addiction’ and the saints’ understanding being different. But it does point to the fact that shaming sex doesn’t make it disappear, it only makes it pop up in other areas. An argument that is made over and over again in the form of drugs, prostitution, abortion and most things in life. Again, there is no reason to feel guilt or shame over pornography, but there is an issue with Christians turning to it in secrecy. Watching porn to learn about sex is like watching Transformers to learn about robotics. It’s not going to help you much. If you haven’t had proper education and exposure to the reality of sex and this becomes your main source of sexual content, issues are bound to arise.

Nobody loves dating for half a year and then walking down the aisle at 20 more than a couple of young white christians.

It’s 2020, and sexual liberation is in full swing and most people want to get down. And there is nothing wrong with that. But those who grow up in a religious environment can have a harder time embracing this than others. When a good part of your life is spent teaching you to feel shameful for these feelings it can be difficult to flip your mindset. You wonder why you feel this way, you wonder what is wrong with you. You are taught to believe that these desires are wrong and you start to believe that you are flawed. But these are feelings that nearly all of us feel. And to create a narrative of shame around something that is chemical, hormonal and a natural aspect of our biology is pretty messed up. Religious or not we are all human and denying the freedom to express and

Now the church is entitled to their beliefs, but the manner in which they are taught needs to shift. A narrative of shame and guilt is damaging. I know that first hand. And for women in particular it can be even harder. The church’s narrative around sex and purity is ultimately targeted towards women.

It is based on the ideas of purity, that you haven’t been spoiled or ruined. And for those that have been, it can bring upon a huge sense of guilt or shame. And for those that haven’t, it often brings the same.

Christians love to marry young. Nobody loves dating for half a year and then walking down the aisle at 20 more than a couple of young white Christians. And while I congratulate them on their everlasting happiness, we all know half the reason for it is because they are sick of doing hand stuff over the clothes. But what happens when you have been shamed for your sexuality and taught to repress it and hide it. What happens when you have been told to hold onto your virginity so tightly that it becomes ingrained in you and has formed part of your identity? What happens when you are taught that with two simple words and a signature on a registry that this shameful sin is now a celebration and a reward and will be everything you ever dreamed of? And what happens when it’s not?

Many young christians have talked about the loss they felt after having sex within their marriage. That the magical switch didn’t flick. This title they were praised for having is now gone. This act that was dirty is now holy, but still feels pretty dirty. Years of suppressing something and years of guilt for having these feelings don’t just go away in an instant. And even when this guilt does pass, a lack of general education and exposure to healthy sexual relationships (Whether that’s through irl experience or good sex ed) can result in unhealthy sexual relationships and habits. If you are in a relationship that is founded on suppressing and hiding your desires you aren’t going to have the tools required to discover what you like, want and need in a relationship. Alternatively if you are in a relationship that has had to turn to channels such as pornography for your eduation you aren’t going to have a good understanding on how to navigate a real relationship.

One that values female pleasure alongside male. One that values intimacy, consent, and mutual trust and exploration.

This isn’t to say you can’t be a virgin and also understand sex. But virginity held due to shame and a lack of openness isn’t the same as making a conscious decision surrounding it.

The key to healthy relationships is communication, and being shamed for sex is never going to provide the platform for healthy, open communication.

I am not here to rag on anyone who may be reading this and also may be planning on waiting until marriage. But what is important when it comes to sex is being in control of your decisions. You can have all the sex you want, or none of the sex you want, or even none of the sex you don’t want (probably don’t have all the sex you don’t want). The choice is yours. The current structure of shame and guilt and purity that surrounds the church is damaging. They are free to express their opinions, but those opinions shouldn’t come in the form of degrading young people to a piece of sticky tape.

15

Hormones are running high post-lockdown, and most of us are probably on a dating app or two.

But let’s be honest…Auckland’s Tinder scene is pretty grim. The app is festering with ex-grammar lads who somehow have their entire personality summed up in the phrase “you going to RNV this year?” It’s 2020, and we deserve better than gym brahs who source their Hawaiian shirts from

NZIFF TICKETS

Magichollow and play DnB to set the mood. But before you throw in the towel, why not try to get something good out of the app?

Match with Debate on Tinder or send an email to our editor, and try to swoon us with your best pick up line. If you’re lucky you might win one of these goodies.

COOKIE TIME!

Win two tickets to view some of the 86 films

Remember in highschool where the only way

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the tuck shop was through the single phrase

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“I’ll buy you a cookie”? Not much has changed

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Time still holds a warm place in all our hearts.

Crushes ‘Dump Him’ Keyring What is happening with Britney Spears right now? Despite us all being a little bit confused, we can still agree that her Instagram is the only thing bringing us joy right now. On that note, remember when our iconic lady wore her ‘Dump Him’ graphic tee in 2000? We all need a little bit of Britney energy in 2020, so why not sport this iconic keyring.

BOY BYE

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more! All from her confident, unafraid point of view.

17

Retiring the Hoe Phase

By Anonymous My hoe phase began in the winter of 2018, hot off the heels of a very big, very ugly, and very dramatic breakup.

It was with my first love and first long term relationship, and for the first time in two and a half years I was free to do whatever I wanted with whoever I wanted (consensually!). This liberation could have manifested itself as cute little dates and shy sloppy kisses, but I was in a constant state of feeling messy, wild, and emotional. Fuck dates! Fuck cutesy hand holding and sweet kisses!

I was ready to go full throttle: full hoe phase.

that point I was a month shy of my 18th birthday, so the relationship I had been in covered a lot of time in my adolescence where my friends would be experimenting in hooking up and I would already be committed to someone else. I felt inexperienced and unsavvy, making mental notes on the stories my friends would tell at lunch time about the boys they had met up with over the weekend. Jealousy over my friends and grief from losing a source of consistent intimacy pushed me into going head first - I downloaded Tinder (after I turned 18, I swear), flirted with boys at social events, and did a lot of things that probably shouldn’t be laid out in print.

The ‘hoe phase’ was at that point something I had only heard about. At

Of all the sexual encounters that went down, most turned out to be more tragic

than fun. There was the guy I knew through mutual friends, who started listing off all the beautiful celebrities he’d fuck right after we had sex (sorry I can’t compete with Charli XCX). Which also reminds me of that other guy who asked me after we fucked for the first time if I could be his girlfriend. Or this one guy who ejaculated into my mouth without asking me for permission (pretty rude, Ryan!). And how about that guy I hooked up with at that party one time when I was high who is still friends with some of my friends and now whenever I see him I have to pretend it never happened even though we all know it did, indeed, happen. Oh, and that other guy I fucked while I was high and had to gently let down over the course of about three months.

While in hindsight these experiences make me laugh (or cringe), they carry a load of feelings of regret and sadness. I went into my ‘hoe phase’ looking for some kind of comfort or a means of giving myself control and love, and walked away from almost every hook up hating myself and powerless. My perception of a ‘hoe phase’ was that it was an opportunity for me to liberate myself with pleasure and fun, but it ended up doing the opposite.

I realised I wasn’t receiving the level of power and freedom sex can bring to other women, and that’s okay. I don’t believe it was a matter of not being able to find the right match or trying with someone else or fixing my mindset, because time and time again the short bursts of pleasure I felt through sexual interactions with people was replaced with deeper and more prolonged feelings of disgust and regret. Of the many thoughts that would float around my head, I asked myself why I gave my body to men who didn’t truly know me or ‘get’ me, and why most of these situations would occur when I was intoxicated or forcing myself to be cool with what was going on. I definitely could have created better circumstances for myself or told myself I was allowed to stop, but I wanted so badly to feel like I had ownership over my body and my belief was that exercising ownership equated to giving away. In my quest for agency and self-reassurance, I ended up losing a lot of myself.

It’s important to understand that this isn’t the case for all women, or anyone else,

who engage in casual sex. Sex between two people can be an opportunity for not only pleasure, but a means of creating a connection with another person and feeling in charge of yourself. The body is a precious source of life and well-being, the temple which houses your soul - between meditation and good nutrition, sex can offer a means of caring for yourself and giving yourself positive energy.

I’ve realised past abusive relationships have created a drift inside of me where intimacy can no longer live For women especially, we have more agency than ever over our bodies. Not to downplay the constant threats of abuse that follow us around (because they are EVERYWHERE), but social media and even pop culture has given us a new lens of seeing our bodies as a source of power rather than shame. We can choose how we treat ourselves, and although shame and criticism is still always chasing us, it’s slowly becoming more and more accepted to be a sexually liberated woman. I’ve had a few experiences where I felt there was a level of respect and friendship between myself and the other person, but my inner

turmoils always get the best of me.

The last time I had sex was around eight months ago, with a stranger I met at a bar while drunk. I guess you could say that it didn’t go down very well because I asked him to stop in the middle of it and started crying about my ex-boyfriend (he still gave me his business card afterwards, so maybe he wasn’t too offended). After that I decided to hang up my ‘hoe phase’ and seek power somewhere else. I’ve realised past abusive relationships have created a drift inside of me where intimacy can no longer live, and it’s better for me to take care of myself by myself. I kissed someone for the first time in a long time a few weeks ago and it kicked up a thunderstorm inside my brain. I kissed my own friend at a party last weekend and the thought still won’t stop causing crashes around my head. A hug makes me nauseous, and cuddling makes me want to run far far away into the wilderness where I will cease to exist. I guess what I’m trying to say is, having a hoe phase isn’t for everyone. When it works out it can be an opportunity for growth, liberation and self-love, but if it’s causing inner turbulence, it’s better to throw the towel in early. While sex is fun, it’s always best to listen to your heart, mind, and body, and chase what actually provides you with safety and comfort. I’m currently finding love in nature and music. I know I have no ability to be a good partner to someone at this point in my life, but I’m looking forward to feeling ready go back to casual intimacy and sex again.

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Your Must Watch List for the NZ International Film Festival

By Sophia Romanos With our favourite festivals postponed/cancelled (RIP Homegrown) NZIFF has managed to shift their programme online. Chromecasts, and Smart TVs can now be dusted and put to use as you simultaneously expand your artistic consumption and inhale copious peanut M&M's. Gather your friends, family, fellow filmic snobs and snob-esses and rent some killer international and Aotearoa titles making their national and worldwide premieres.

Whānau Mārama: The New Zealand International Film Festival is available nation-wide OnDemand and in selected cinemas across the country from July 24th – August 3rd.

To check out more titles or to find out more, hit up: www.nziff.co.nz/2020/at-home-online/

Dinner in America To watch with popcorn and a side of teenage angst A killer soundtrack and a protagonist who probably would prefer to give headbutts as high-fives. Dinner in America is the punk rock coming-of-age film you didn’t know you needed to see. There are fights, a house on fire, cordon bleu, balaclavas, an awkward incest joke and nudes on polaroid. An unlikely pair of misunderstood teens find themselves thrown together - and the rest you sort of need to see to believe. There’s a reason this flick is part of Ant Timpson’s Incredibly Strange collection in the festival.

Drama Girl To watch alone Okay, you don’t have to watch this one alone, but if you’re looking for giggles while you rip ribs off the BBQ, this isn’t the flick for you. Vincent Boy Kars directs this collision of documentary and drama where he asks twentysomething year-old Leyla to recreate challenging moments in her life with actors posing as her family and lover. The conversations between takes with Leyla and Kars really carry the narrative of this social experiment and allow this rare opportunity of recreating the past and analysing the decisions we make. Beautifully shot and uniquely crafted as we watch the line between reality and fiction blur.

Mi Vida To watch on the couch with Mumsie Coming-of-age isn’t exclusively for the under 16s and here’s Exhibit A. Lou is a Dutch ex-hairdresser dipping her toe in the waters of starting life fresh in the Spanish city of Cádiz. With nights on the town, wine, dancing and new friendships, this flick is the artistically crafted pick-me-up you’ll love to watch as you see your mum for the first time in five months. Don’t forget to bring the sav!

Jesus Shows you the Way to the Highway To watch when you’re under slept, over-caffeinated or high A simulated video game experience where Stalin is a computer virus - this can only be another Ant Timpson curation for the Incredibly Strange collection. Inception may spring to mind when you think of characters in an induced coma for an experiment in another world, but you must leave those preconceptions in the dust for this lowbudget and highly entertaining cacophony of bizarreness.

LOIMATA, the Sweetest Tears To support NZ filmmakers AUT’s very own TV and Screen lecturer Jim Marbrook produces this feature-length documentary following Ema Siope and her physical, mental and spiritual voyage from New Zealand to Samoa. Making its worldwide premiere with the festival, LOIMATA is one of the eight gems in the Aotearoa selection.

You Will Die at Twenty To watch something you normally might not A beautiful Sudanese film revolving around Muzamil, a boy condemned from birth to die on his twentieth birthday. Not on his death bed, but barely living, Muzamil lives this grim life with a mother and village in an anticipated state of mourning. Existing only to be protected and prayed for, the boy teeters a line between the fear of dying and the fear of living.

Bloody Nose Empty Pockets To watch with a beer and a fistful of peanuts A Las Vegas dive bar on the last night of its life. A motley community of stubbly lone-wolves congregate morning till close within these beloved four walls, framing this documentary in a way as if you’re farewelling an old friend. You can feel the sticky pull on your shoe soles as the Ross brothers turn their charismatic lens upon the observational world of documentary.

Instinct To watch with your more mature friends Cold, hard drama at its finest, Instinct is one of the bigger titles at the festival.

Lead actress Carice van Houten demands attention with her fantastic performance as Nicoline, a guidance counsellor caught between her desires and better judgement for prisoner and previous sex-offender Idris. If you’re after phenomenal performances, this directorial debut from Halina Reijn is a must-watch. Revolving around the theme of sexual abuse, this film is heavy, while cheekily dancing between the dangerous curiosities of two opposites.

Just 6.5 To watch if you thought selling drugs in Iran was a great idea Just 6.5 adds fuel to the well-oiled machinery that is Iranian cinema. A cluttered narrative of drama and police bureaucracy turns a sobering lens on the country with 6.5 million crack addicts. Director Saeed Roustayi at only 30-years-old creates a thriller brutally beautiful in both its creation and social commentary.

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Please Get Me Off This Ride I Was Too Short When I Got On

By Anonymous I spent far too long coming up with a title for this piece of shit, so I hope that it’s worth it. I’ve split this piece into two sections, discussing how I came to question my sexuality and gender through my uni experiences. This is a personal account that I do not intend to reflect the experiences of other students in the experience of questioning. This is an account about complete and utter confusion, a non-zero sum of self-hatred, and about pondering one’s identity. It was written by an idiotic arts student who has decided to vomit up some problems onto a page. If that doesn’t sound worth your time, go read some of our other lovely writers in the issue you numpty! I’m sure they would appreciate it!

There is a deeply satisfying yet incredibly undue sophistication in being more drunk than reasonable and chatting out a dribble storm into some equally drunk fool’s ear. You don’t know what stories will come up in those slobberish onslaughts, what wild claims and brewing conspiracies might be spread. You don’t know what comedies and dramas, tragedies and traumas, might be spilled upon the carpet like so many gin mixers. At least the stains won’t show for long. I remember one night like this over at the Whitaker, where one of my best mates had been posted in this dinky two-roomer for a semester or two and had invited around some seven or eight people in all to drink and eat pizza.

It was there, with the last twisting slugs of grey matter hanging onto sanity, that I exchanged pronouns with a party guest I hadn’t met before. I told them I went by He/Him and was a cis man and they asked me how secure I was in that fact. I told them I was very secure and had never even thought to question the fact. Just kinda assumed it, y’know? Then they recommended, as I scrunched up into a coil upon the coach, that I should take a moment or two alone to question it and work out whether my gender was where I wanted it to be at. If I just assumed, I may as well make sure, right? What’s the harm?

A year later and I still have no fucking idea what’s going on. I know I’m not a woman, I’ve crossed that off the list, but it feels like there’s too much brain gunk to sort through and I’m never really sure what’s completely comfortable to me. I’ve been socialised as a man my entire life, so much so I fear it might’ve enforced some of the more toxic aspects of my personality. My violent expression of anger and hot blooded rejection of trying on clothing - a signifier of femininity - are two key examples of this. Both are things that I want to fix about myself. I treat the concept of manliness and manhood as a meme at best and a self-destructive standard at worst. If I am to be a man, then I must be Superman or nothing at all. I must ace every test or I might as well be all Fs. I can at least address that if I am a man, then I need some much better parameters. If I’m not a man, an option which is very much on the table right now, what the fuck kind of not-a-man am I then? Either a general spread of nonbinary could be applied, but other options seem fitting in more specific ways. One of my best friends posed the option of being demiboy, being considered a man at some points and not-a-man at others depending on my mood. That openness seems to fit with my confused flip-flopping that I spend too long meditating upon some days.

In the meantime, I’ve been using gender neutral pronouns to experiment with my gender signifiers. I still have to catch people sometimes. I find myself comfortable with it for the time being, which is bringing me to wonder whether it is worth it to make a more substantial switch. Of course, I am still terrified of mentioning any such things to my family. I can only be happy that I have such supportive friends and such a supportive girlfriend.

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As soon as I got out of high school I started questioning my sexuality. I noticed that the more parties I went to and the drunker I got the more I would make out with and romantically proposition men. I know that one’s drunk actions are an imperfect guide to their sober personality but it served as the catalyst towards a proper internal analysis of my sexuality, I recall that in High School I was once very much in that no-homo camp of “I’m not gay but I’d totally fuck Chris Hemsworth.” But then I started noticing that line was coming up for far too many men to not be a pattern. So I figured I’d get around to clearing that mystery up one way or another. Yet again, fucking NOPE. I have no goddam idea what my sexual deal is, man. I feel as if I'm attracted to men and women on different levels, which leads me to question my attraction to men as it seems much lower. I never feel active in my attraction towards men, never “I want to fuck him” but rather “yeah, I’d totally fuck him.” Like bruh, I just want some simplicity here. I feel so wishy-washy on this shit all the time. I just wanna fuck a hot dude to get some closure on it. So my brain can just do the happy-juice or the gross-juice and I can go “Cool, this is what you want? Case closed then,” and gain some fucking stability in my sexual framework.

I’ve been going by pansexual for a while now, which seems to encapsulate myself pretty well. There’s still that sneaking suspicion, however, that I might have gotten myself wrong and placed myself into a social circle of which I am unfitting. There’s the nagging feeling that not matching feelings to experience through some kind of fucked up experiment means I am not qualified enough to title myself ‘PANSEXUAL.’ Then again, I knew

I was attracted to women before I had any experience with them. So what does that say about how I view my homosexual tendencies versus my heterosexual ones? I’m too tired to psychoanalyse that kinda shit, man.

It is hard to talk for very long at all about something I am in a state of confusion about and I struggle to piece together any entertainment value from it. I had that same foolish hope that so many others caught when bubbled into quarantine, that I would be the most productive I’d ever been with so much more time to myself. That was kinda dumb. Not only did I have barely any motivation for my university work, I spent my early morning hours flailing without any success at furthering my self-understanding.

Questions and hypotheticals with nary a satisfactory answer, or even a permanent one.

Why the fuck do I even care about this so much? I’ve talked with a number of people who have recommended just not putting a label on who I am and going with the flow. I don’t think that this’ll work for me due to the stability that I find in my identity.

I know who I can align with and find mutual experiences with.

I more easily understand where I am wanted and where I am not. Perhaps that betrays some issue in my character, but it’s just another to the pile, I guess.

I’m just too tired and too hung-over for this bullshit anymore, and I hope someone reading this can raise a glass with me in mutual suffering.

25

DESPICABLE THREE An erotica by Casta Lawson | Illustration by Yi Jong

Disclaimer: I am not into Minions at all, I just couldn’t think of anything to write. I’m sorry.

Stuart looked out of the window, yearning for the one whom he had so desperately lusted for since he first laid eyes on him. His heart skipped a beat as two little yellow figures rounded the corner. It wasn’t them, it wasn’t him. Stuart sighed. He longingly looked over the empty fruit bowl placed upon the newly polished chestnut side cabinet. “Banana…” he whispered as he imagined the one he desired, slowly and carefully placing each and every individual banana into the place it belonged. Such a silly little habit of his, so intricately designing the layout of something as simple as bananas. But that’s what Stuart found so intriguing about him...and he wanted to find out more.

It had been over an hour since they had left. What was taking them so long? Stuart once again looked out the window. It had been raining for days and each hour remained as gloomy as the one before. The rain pounded hard on the roof of the newly refurbished apartment while Stuart intently listened for any slight hint that they may have returned. Nothing. The rain was too loud to make out any sounds.

Something touched Stuart on the back and he sat up in immediate shock. It was a warm and gentle touch - he knew he was safe. As he turned he caught

a glimpse of yellow and he knew, they were back.

“Banana,” he said reassuringly as he turned to face Bob, whom he had been chasing after for so long but could not have because of Kevin. Stuart was too afraid to make any moves as he knew that Kevin also had eyes for Bob. There was something about Bob that made him so...desirable. Maybe it was the way he did his six strands of hair every day, the way he wore his overalls that made you curious as to what was beneath. Or the fact that his height made him seem so innocent and vulnerable. Bob was the golden apple which grew in the centre of Eve’s Garden, and Stuart wanted nothing more than to indulge in the divine creation that was Bob. Bob stared Stuart in the eye and fondled with a bag he was holding, revealing nothing other than a banana.

He began to slowly place them in the fruit bowl, one by one. And each time, Stuart felt the moment become more sensual. He was ready to pounce, the lion wanted a bite of his prey. Any moment now would be the perfect moment. He could feel his overalls tighten at the display Bob was showcasing.

Stuart stepped forward. Bob stopped what he was doing and started at Stuart with lust. Could this be it?

The moment Stuart had so dearly been waiting for.

“Bana…” Stuart began.

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"Stuart moaned and he noticed Bob’s overalls tightness once again. He aggressively ripped off Bob's clothing and turned him over revealing two perfectly round globes."

Stuart heard something drop at the doorway that stopped him in his tracks.

As he turned he could already feel Kevin’s glare seething into the back of his head.

He had crossed the line and now that Kevin had interrupted what could’ve been a beautiful moment, Stuart felt at a loss.

He glanced at Kevin, whose angry glare could kill. Stuart sarcastically smiled as he turned to Bob and winked. Although Kevin had clearly asserted dominance in this situation, Stuart was not about to give up. He had a prize he was aiming for and he wasn’t going to let Bob submit to someone so...undeserving. He turned and strutted out of the room, leaving Kevin and Bob alone. A mistake perhaps? Or perhaps not. Stuart walked into the bathroom, moans echoing throughout the apartment as he began to draw a bath. He listened in disgust. He wanted so bad for Kevin’s moans to be his own. But he knew his time would come soon enough. After a while the room grew quiet...quiet enough for Stuart to recognise it was time. He quickly dampened a musty cloth with chloroform as he made his way back into the room.

Stuart looked down at his handy work. It looked believable. Scarlet bracelets stained the yellow wrist of Kevin’s limp body as he lay in the water. Carefully placing the knife behind the toilet, Stuart proceeded to clean himself up and search for Bob, closing the door behind him. It was fairly late. Stuart had hopes of finding Bob as he could now pick up from where they stopped earlier that day. As he turned into the master bedroom he could hear deep breathing underneath the sheets. Stuart recognised who it was immediately as he

made his way over, with only one thing on his mind. He ripped away the covers revealing Bob, wide eyed and awake staring up at Stuart. They both knew what was coming. Stuart lent down but was stopped. “B-Banana?" Bob exclaimed, as he looked submissively at the door. “Banana,” Stuart said reassuringly as he took Bob’s cheek in his palm. He examined Bob’s face, and before he could think about it he pressed his lips to Bob’s pouty lips. It was warm and soft, just as Stuart had craved for the longest of times.

It felt electric, and he was sure Bob felt it too. As their tongues interlocked Stuart could feel Bob’s overalls tighten. He felt a hand reach around the back and begin to affectionately fondle with the clasp of his own overalls. Bob was desperate to reveal the goods concealed beneath. The clothing dropped and a magnificent yellow glow illuminated the room. “Banana…?” Bob said as he marvelled at the sight before him.

Stuart slyly smiled and nodded his head,

slowly pushing Bob down. The feeling was eccentric, it was like letting your hand sit in a golden river of flowing silk as the warmth of the sun shines upon you. Bob looked up and blushed, gently grazing the surface with his teeth. He began incorporating his tongue, rotating it around like he was absorbing drops of butter from a cob of corn. Stuart moaned and he noticed Bob’s overalls tightness once again.

He aggressively ripped off Bob's clothing and turned him over revealing two perfectly round globes. He eagerly placed one hand on Bob’s shoulder and pushed him to his knees...

Bob was Stuart’s greatest conquest. As he looked over to the right he smiled fondly at his sleeping companion. Bob had submitted to Stuart, Kevin was dead, everything was going so well. Stuart lightly brushed the hair out of Bob’s face. Bob awoke, smiling at Stuart as he rolled over and slipped out of the previous night’s battle grounds. “Banana? Stuart asked as he watched Bob head for the door.

“Banana,” Bob replied, pointing to his lower region. Panic struck. Stuart grabbed the handcuffs he had intended to use the night before and chased after Bob as he headed for the bathroom, only to be stopped by the screams as he stared upon the corpse of Kevin. Stuart immediately realised what had happened and silently prepared the handcuffs. As Bob picked up the knife and turned, Stuart attacked. The knife flew out of Bob’s hand as he stood there in shock, staring at Stuart unbelievably in the eye.

Stuart locked the handcuff around Bob’s wrist and led him out of the bathroom.

Despicable....

20-24 JULY•VESBAR MON 20 • PUB QUIZ | 6PM TUES 21 • MEXICAN BINGO | 6PM WED 22 • KARAOKE NIGHT | 6PM THU 23 • COMEDY NIGHT | 6PM FRI 24 • LIVE MUSIC & DJs | 5PM ALL EVENTS ARE FREE AND R18 (ID REQUIRED) Head to autsa.org.nz for the full timetable and info!

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CHEWED UP GUM

By Alice Houlbrooke Imagine a piece of gum. Someone puts it in their mouth and chews it a couple of times before spitting it out. They then hand the gum onto another person and then they chew it a couple of times and spit it out. Gross right? Well, if you’re a woman then in this analogy you are the gum and the chewing is having sex. The people chewing the gum are the men you are having sex with, and each time they chew you up, spit you out and pass you on to the next man you are being damaged. Used up. Who would want a piece of chewed-up gum?

This analogy is pointless. Women are

not gum, and having safe, consensual sex doesn’t permanently affect your body in any way. Yet, it is still taught to many girls in conservative Christian and Catholic environments all over the world. From the ages of 5 to 18 Catholic influence surrounded me. I went to Catholic schools, my parents dragged me to church every other weekend. You get the gist. By the time I got to my government-mandated sexual education class, I had already decided I wasn’t a believer. A common phrase within classes that featured sex-ed was something like: “We still have to teach you Catholic values, even around sex.” What this included was my teacher handing out information pamphlets about STIs, the ones you can pick up at the medical centre. Then putting on a documentary about the benefits of abstinence. I don’t remember much of that documentary.

But I did figure out that Twitter wasn't banned on my school's wifi.

Most of the ‘Catholic values’ had been

taught us in separate assemblies. You know the ones where they hire some young and hip speaker to talk to the kids about topics the teachers aren’t qualified to teach. So, this 25-year-old blonde youth pastor put a big picture of tomato sauce on the screen and said “I’m sure most of us here love tomato sauce. You love it in burgers, or to dip your chips in. But would you drink it?”

If you’re reading this and thinking yes, I promise I won’t judge too harshly.

Pretty blonde youth pastor continued to compare sex to tomato sauce. In that when you have sex in a serious relationship it’s amazing and wonderful and special. But if you’re having a casual fling, you feel wrong afterwards. That you feel empty, unfulfilled. Wrong. Like something is missing. As with most of my peers, I thought this was a load of crap. We all left the theatre afterwards joking about drinking sauce and waiting until marriage. But that didn’t stop the small seed of doubt from planting itself

in my head. What if I regret it? What if I feel empty inside? What if I choose the wrong person to share myself with?

What if it isn’t special?

The first time I noticed this was when my friend had a study period and I skipped Economics to get coffee with her. She told me she had lost her virginity to a guy she met on a camping trip. To me, the idea of losing my v-card to someone I had just met, let alone in a goddamn tent, was unheard of.

How could you give yourself away to someone you had just met? Why would you make such a big decision so spontaneously?

Looking back at how I used to think, I can see how the religious influence of sex and purity in my education affected me. As much as I thought I was accepting and non-judgmental of my friend, deep down I knew that wasn’t true. These ideas were all deeply

rooted in my education of sexuality. It’s the idea that virginity is special and sacred, and that losing it is some big life event. While I knew that ultimately how my friend had her first sexual experience is up to her, I couldn’t help but feel that she had ‘wasted’ an opportunity to make it special. Looking back as an adult with more experience, I realise it isn’t a big deal.

it can be awkward. You get to an age where nearly everyone around you is having sex regardless of relationship status. That is when I realised at the end of the day, it’s just sex. It’s as special and sacred, or as casual and fun, as you want it to be for you. What sex means to you is a decision you make for yourself. No one should have the power to influence that choice.

When I was 11, I would read tween romance novels where the protagonist’s first kiss would be all butterflies and fireworks. After my first few kisses, I realised that kissing is just kissing, it’s nice but overall, not a big deal. The same is applied to sex, especially in religion-biased sex ed. It’s hyped up as some big life event, which I understand from a Catholic point of view as usually for Catholics sex is accompanied by pregnancy. But on its own, sex is just sex. It can be special, it can just for fun, it can be messy, and

Sometimes, I wonder how different my opinions would be if I grew up without the Catholic influence. I imagine I would be a very different person. All I can do now is try to unlearn all the beliefs I was taught. Try my hardest to know I should have no guilt or regrets about my feelings. That there is no shame in acting on sexual impulses and feelings, if it isn’t hurting anyone. I hope that if you can relate to what I’ve said here, you can unlearn them too.

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SEXYS Aries Patience is a learnt virtue, especially in the sense of waiting for things to pass by in your inner world. Emotions can come hard and fast like an unexpected storm. When you're in the middle of it, feels like it could never pass but eventually the grey clouds clear to reveal a blue sky. Your emotions too pass on, don’t let them dictate your initial reactions. Once you master this, you're ready for world domination.

Taurus Don’t let the winter cold creep into your bones so much. You are the embodiment of transformation and growth in the zodiac.

The weather keeping you indoors and physically stagnant doesn't call for laziness and old habits to make a reappearance. This is a time to sift through your own mental filing cabinet and reassess the files you’ve pushed to the back.

Gemini Deciding on one definitive action can prove to be a challenging task for you Gemini. This isn’t an issue to raise the alarms over until it involves people who are invested in you. If you are unsure about something, you already have your answer. There is a difference between uncertainty and stalling.

Cancer Every emotion can be a tidal wave for you Cancerians, the trick is to understand the patterns that form when you become awash with feelings. To be successful in love, you must first understand your own complexities before trying to take on another. It's impossible to have calm waters when you can’t separate someone else's feelings from your own.

Leo You’re very generous by nature, but it never hurts anyone to be aware of what you receive back. Relationships are about give and take.

Spending emotional labour is a costly exercise. Just because your purse is full it doesn’t mean you have to spend it all. Now is a time to monitor where your energy is going.

Virgo You may be finding yourself wrestling with expectations that exceed what is humanly capable, either for yourself or your partner.

Making plans for your future is always an important step in relationships, but when the outcome is constantly dictated and controlled, the end result is doomed to show flaws. Allow for a sense of fluidity to take shape in your life, let it guide the process and you will almost always be happy with the outcome.

COPES Libra If you feel the walls closing in on you in your relationship, it's likely because they are. While fluctuation is very natural in romantic or platonic relationships, it's key to identify if you're there because you genuinely want to be or because you want to maintain harmony in the situation. You desire an innate paradox of freedom while while being closely held; some may say you thrive best when on a long leash. If you feel like you're holding yourself back, it is time to question your desires.

Scorpio Seduction, secrecy and sex are where you thrive, Scorpio - just because it can prove hard to find, it doesn’t mean that this trifecta can’t all exist in a healthy relationship. The key lies in defining secrecy and privacy, then replacing one with the other. Secrecy is the act of deliberately seeking out and maintaining secrets, while privacy is a state of being undisturbed by others. Seek privacy, destroy secrecy.

Sagittarius You have a thing for stamina, Sagittarius.

Tending to keep your physical self and mental self busy most hours of the day. It is okay for people can’t keep up, you’re a lot faster moving than most, however, learn to exercise caution when entering dangerous territories. You enjoy a fast pace, but remember to tread lightly from time to time to save others from getting whiplash.

Capricorn Let the emotions creep in, they aren’t as bad as you think. The more you accept the workings of your inner world the easier it becomes to unravel it. You can’t change something you don’t understand, so get comfortable, put on a tearjerker (I recommend Blue Valentine) and allow the tears to flow.

You need an emotional release.

Aquarius It can be hard to feel like your reality is worth grieving when the outside world is crumbling.

The more you disregard your hurt the more you begin to hide parts of yourself away. True openness creates fulfilling relationships, work towards this.

Pisces Following through tends to be your downfall.

Despite stability seeming boring to you this is a requirement for any sense of success in life. You are drawn to grand extensive ideas with a fixed focus on the outcome. To see any idea through. the middle ground does need to be filled. Seek out someone or something that can ground your ideas and help lay out the map.

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PUZZLES

14/07/2020

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