Debate issue 3

debate Issue 03| MARCH 2014

WEEK TWO

debate Issue 03 | MARCH 2014

COVER ART

by Che Crawford http://fattybunny-che.blogspot.co.nz/ EDITOR Matthew Cattin matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz DESIGN/ART Ramina Rai ramina.rai@aut.ac.nz CONTRIBUTORS Amelia Petrovich | Kieran Bennett | Joel Ngeaw | Gia Garrick | Che Crawford | Jamie Barnes | Lennie Galloway | Erica McQueen | Ethan Sills | Fleur Hume | Mary Wilkins | Natasha Free ILLUSTRATION & PHOTOGRAPHY Ramina Rai | Che Crawford | Miles Milob | Anna Earley | ADVERTISING CONTACT Kate Lin kate.lin@aut.ac.nz PRINTER PMP Print Ltd. PUBLISHER AuSM all rights reserved This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM.

DISCLAIMER Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, PMP Print or its subsidiaries.

debate is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA)

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GOVERNANCE & LEADERSHIP John Kingi AuSM Student President 921 9999 ext 8571 john.kingi@aut.ac.nz MANAGEMENT Kathy Anderson General Manager 921 9999 ext 8570 kanderso@aut.ac.nz

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VOLUNTEERS & CLUBS 921 9999 ext 8911 volunteers@aut.ac.nz

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FOLLOW KEEP UP WITH WHATĘźS GOING DOWN

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AUT is a place where diversity is celebrated and you can be open about your sexuality. We offer services and resources to students of diverse sexualities and gender identities.

AUT has an LGBT coordinator to provide you with information and support (09) 921 9999 ext 6998 rainbow@aut.ac.nz

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AUT ROWING

Join AUT Rowing in their quest for gold at the New Zealand University Rowing Championships.

18 – 20 April Lake Waihola, Dunedin Experienced rowers, novice rowers, and school leavers welcome.

Register before Friday 14 March: sport@aut.ac.nz Spaces are limited so get in quick!

EDITORIAL Wedding bells be ringing in my life at the moment.

Not for me, obviously. I’m far too smart for that shit / I’m single and loveless, on a one way track to death by carbs and loneliness.

No, I’m fine, really. However, two of my close cousins and also my brother all decided, within a few months of each other, it was time to settle down. Engagement rings were slapped on fingers, dates were settled, invites were sent out and I’ve been caught up in a wedding whirlwind ever since.

As it turns out, weddings are kind of a big deal – everything is expected to be meaningful, perfect and most importantly, lavish enough to be marvelled at for years to come. Everybody throws their opinion into every minor detail, shit stirrers like me included, and you end up with the perfect recipe for chaos, enough to turn the meekest of lambs into fire-breathing bridezillas. Cakes are overrated, buy your dresses overseas, don’t you dare put Shania Twain on the dance playlist or I will gouge out your eyes with my cufflinks.

It seems everybody wants the same thing; to create a spectacle that is the appropriate mix of unique and traditional. Keep the olds happy with matching bouquets, keep the youth happy with a bar tab. One tradition however, that seems to remain constant and untouched, is that grooms deserve to be put through cruel and cold misery before their big day. The infamous stag do.

February saw me attend my first ever stag do and I won’t lie to you, I felt like a poodle among wolves. We boarded a party boat and set off for

a boysboysboys’ cruise around the Hauraki Gulf and so far, all was going well. The poor groomto-be was dressed in a lady’s sailor outfit with an even more unfortunate blow up doll duct-taped to him like a backpack. A few of the lads were already in such a state that just to stand took their full concentration, anything else they could manage was just a bonus.

Two young ladies boarded and introduced themselves to the wolf pack - they were to be assisting us in all things merry. They quickly removed their tops and flopped out their modest bosoms, collecting every t-shirt on board while they were at it. Beers were handed out, sausages were thrown on the BBQ (and at everyone else on the boat), and so begun an afternoon I won’t likely forget. Oh yes, it was a royal sausage fest upon SS Sexual Objectification. All aboard.

Later came the show, the main event. I don’t want to go into too many details, but let’s just say there were dildos, raised, red hand prints on the groom’s skin and a lot of excitement from the cheap seats. Maybe I’m still a kid at heart, but it really wasn’t my jam and I found myself desperately averting my eyes to chat to the equally appalled girl behind the bar – it was her first stag too.

I went home wide-eyed and a little shocked but I quickly learnt through family anecdotes that my cousin got off pretty damn lightly. Stories were traded in the aftermath of stags that exceeded cruelty. I will share two stories with you.

One poor groom in Australia, a mate of my cousin’s fiancé, was given so much to drink that he passed out – not a rarity in stag dos by

any means. However, once asleep, his “mates” bundled him into the back of his car and drove him onto a car ferry bound for Tasmania. Ensuring he was the last on (and therefore the first due to drive off), they left him alone and snoring in the back seat. They then took his phone, wallet and car keys. The poor bastard woke up to the noise of car horns in Tasmania, armed with nothing but a hangover to get him out of the sticky mess. Not cool.

Image by Miles Milob

Hello all,

The worst story I heard began in a similar fashion – a passed-out groom at the mercy of his mates.

They put him in a plaster pelvis cast. When he woke, they told him he had been in an accident and broken his pelvis. I suppose it’d be a little funny if the story ended there, but unfortunately it doesn’t. They didn’t tell him it was all just for lols until, not just after his wedding, but after his week-long honeymoon in the islands. This poor, poor fella was hung out to dry – ain’t no bones about it. He got married in a chair and probably didn’t enjoy the wedding night (or the wrath of his new bride) all that much, what with his man bits wrapped in plaster. For shame friends!

I don’t know where or how this tradition came about, but I am not a fan! Humiliation is never fun, and nor is starting your married life in plaster.

What are your thoughts on the stag do culture?

Is humiliation an appropriate rite of passage for husbands-to-be? Are hen’s nights any better?

Do you have any stories to share? I want to hear about ‘em. Email me – I’m lonely.

Enjoy your week, Matthew 5

Work & play in the USA much given r uni? u o y Have t to life afte ld though ou cou in-ay w o u kn ceDid yo ible for a on in the be elig visa to work ar? e lifetim or up to a ye o f s e t iwis wh Sta k o t ble availa tertiary It’s only rent full time raduates. r are cu ts or recent g n e his stud bout t too a e r o it’s ut m Find o unity before t r oppo late! /usa .org.nz p ie . w ww C

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www.iep.org.nz 0800 443 769 AuSMConnectA3.pdf

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CHE CRAWFORD I am a digital illustrator based in Auckland. I didn't always work digitally.

My mother is a traditional painter so art has been a part of my life always.

Before coming to AUT I studied at the Animation College of New Zealand, and that's when my art started transitioning to the digital.

While I've decided animation is not for me, I now enjoy working mostly in Photoshop drawing still cartoons. I'm currently working on my Masters in Creative Writing, and illustrations will feature heavily in my novel.

My style inspiration comes from several cartoons I really enjoy - Adventure Time, The Regular Show, and Bravest Warriors. I enjoy bendy, flaily, silly, colourful pictures. But I also aspire to paint realistic fantasy/sci-fi landscapes, weapons, and characters. For that reason artists I admire have a wide range of interesting styles.

I work in Photoshop using a Wacom. I used to sketch out drawings first by hand and scan them in to colour, but now I just draw straight into the program to save time. I enjoy that digital art has a ctrl-z button when traditional art doesn't. I feel like digital art gives me the freedom to explore colours, composition, and style much easier.

I am commissioned mostly by the LARPing community, and enjoy getting to rein-vision their characters in cartoon form, and in my down time I love to draw fan art for the shows, films, and video games I love. I especially love to draw crossovers between two different fandoms, such as Pokémon mixed with Adventure Time.

http://fattybunny-che.blogspot.co.nz/

Are you a creative cat? Email matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz if you would like your beautiful creations featured in the mag.

FEATURE ARTIST

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KN EE W R IN KL EC

IN !

RE AM

PEPPY HELP!

ORGASM FACES:

MY BOOBS ARE OUT OF CONTROL!

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW!

16 MUST HAVE

MAKE UP TIPS to make you fit in and look generic

DRESSES THAT WILL DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON!!

BREAKUP BLUES!

15 REASONS YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

Spit or Swallow?

An Insider’s Guide.

TAYLOR'S TOP TIPS

FOR FLEETING MEANINGLESS RELATIONSHIPS

POISONOUS PAGES THE MANIPULATIVE MAGAZINE INDUSTRY

by Amelia Petrovich

I may be only young blood myself, outstretched fingertips only inches (but still a couple of inches) away from the big two-oh, but for a long time now young teenage girls have felt like my responsibility - my closely guarded babies. Whether that simile is creepy or not is entirely up to your own interpretation, but what I am trying to segue into is the fact that I have an immense amount of empathy and tenderness towards this particular group. I remember- oh god do I remember- those six(ish) years of utter confusion. First you think you are god’s gift to the adult world, then you realize that you want no part of adulthood because it’s the worst, then you think you’re not good enough for any world at all and when you finally realise that maybe you are, life vomits a thousand annoying things at you. BAM! Exams, boys, girls, sadistic bosses. You hate humanity but you love it too, “bugger off, but also come back, I need you and I just want to be looooooved!”

latest hot-shot advertising guru has managed to dredge up from the smouldering depths of hell. The first thing this magazine does is highlight my own rampant insecurities. Real life reads are everywhere, “Help! I’m addicted to Facebook!”, or “My best friend of twelve years ditched me for a guy”. I also have a barrage of bright, block letter questions jumping out at me every three seconds, “SO stressed right now?”, “Are YOU turning into the girlfriend from hell?”, “Is it time for a bestie cut?”, “What do boys REALLY want?”.

“YES!” I scream, “YES TO EVERYTHING! I’m an addict, my friends suck, I’m panicking, my boyfriend hates me, my best friends hate me, I’m not sexy… Oh god Crème/Dolly/ButtonMushroom Publications where can I turn?!”

The majority of girls grow up into incredible human beings in their own right. I know that, you know that, but they don’t necessarily always know that themselves, which is why the teen magazine industry is basically the ‘He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’ of the entire media world. If you’re going to be a manipulative villain, at least have the decency to go all out, you know? Voldemort straight up hated everyone and treated the entire world accordingly. Teen magazines are the devil because they’ve learnt about target audiences and actively cash in on the insecurities of an extremely vulnerable faction of our society.

TEEN MAGAZINES ARE THE DEVIL BECAUSE THEY’VE LEARNT ABOUT TARGET AUDIENCES AND ACTIVELY CASH IN ON THE INSECURITIES OF AN EXTREMELY VULNERABLE FACTION OF OUR SOCIETY.

Let’s pretend that I’m a teenage girl (a more teenaged girl than the teenage girl I am now - we’ll up the teen factor by about 60 per cent) opening a magazine pitched at my demographic. I’m not going to finger-point here but we all know what kind of reads I’m talking about, they have names like Girlfriend or Crème or Button-Mushroom Publications or whatever cutesy sounding title the

Never fear fragile, 14-yearold because, confusingly, the magazine that just poked you with a metaphorical stick for 55 pages is also your best friend. A key factor in the teen mag brainwashing campaign is the gaining of reader trust. As a teenage girl, this magazine talks about what I talk about; celebrities, YouTube videos, One Direction. I’m comfortable with these topics and

they discuss them in my own language, full of colloquialisms and the odd ‘LOL’ or ‘totes hilair’ chucked in for good measure. There are a few empowering articles about women who have joined the army or maybe step-bystep instructions on how to prepare for my NCEA exams (heaps of chocolate because I totes deserve it, LOL). My frantic need for friendship and advice has been satisfied, I am trusting, I am docile and my mind is soft and relaxed because finally there is someone who understands me.

Cue product placement and the death of autonomy.

If a trusted friend says I’m inferior and offers me material solutions to this am I likely to take them? Yes, yes I am and the teen mag industry knows this.

It seriously is a case of establishing trust, pointing out flaws and then making me believe that if I spend money in the right places my problems will disappear. Body image and perception is HUGE in terms of stress and insecurity when you’re young.

I for one lose count of the times I asked my own friends if they thought I was “pretty”. But look! Now it hardly matters what they think because there is a double page spread of beauty products directly after that article on self-esteem guaranteed to make me look “totes delish in time for Autumn”.

I’m set!

These magazines are fantastic for offering insight into what the fashion industry wants, what big businesses think I should want and even sometimes what guys ‘really want’… but how about what I want?

The answer is simple. I read teen magazines and therefore I want what I am told to want. I have no say and it seems like I have no choice, I’m under the Imperius Curse of the magazine industry and if society doesn’t cotton on to just how sick that is, soon my body will lie in the chamber forever.

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KIERAN’S 100% SCIENTIFICALLY ACCURATE TRUE FACTS GUIDE ON: HOW TO FIX A COMPUTER

by Kieran Bennett Computers, whether we like it or not, are now a central part of our lives. Sadly, they are fickle, cruel beasts and can break at a moment’s notice. Knowing how to fix one is an important step on the path to mastering life itself.

1) Ignore the problem entirely and hope it goes away.

-Despite the fact that your computer now refuses to display the colour yellow and periodically downloads 6GB of Mexican midget porn, there is nothing wrong. If you ignore your computer’s poorly disguised cry for attention, it will fix itself.

2) Complain bitterly to whoever will listen.

- Now that the midget porn has invaded your computer completely and utterly, now is the time to complain. Complain long, hard and bitterly.

Keeping in mind of course that none of this is your fault at all.

nothing. They are the Jon Snow of the computer world while you are the King Robert Baratheon.

Loud, slightly drunk and assured of your correctness.

5) Download and install at least seven pieces of third-party software that promise to speed up your computer.

-It is important, at this stage, to clog your computer with as much software as you can. It is even better if the software makes large and sweeping claims about improving your machines performance. However legitimate software will not do, it is imperative that the software is as bizarre and Lithuanian as possible.

3) Watch some midget porn.

-I mean, it's there, may as well right?

6) Do not make any effort to clean your hard-drive or tidy your folders.

-When going through your folders and programmes do not under any circumstances remove any of them. Your computer will, contrary to so called ‘professional’ advice, run better when the hard-drive is bloated beyond all belief.

Especially when it's full of programmes you no longer use and midget porn.

4) Ignore all suggestions to fix your computer.

-No one knows your computer quite like you ignore everyone who says it's broken, they know

7) Begin pleading and/or threatening -Your computer will respond equally well to empty threats and desperate pleas. Promise to take it

places if it fixes itself or threaten to take it places and leave it there if it doesn’t. Alternatively you can shower it with flattery and stroke it's ego in order to trick it into fixing itself. Just don’t share your midget porn with it.

8) Perform a blood sacrifice.

Slaughter a live goat over your computer whilst chanting the seven Secret God’s names inside a pentagram. The resultant unholy energies will charge and rejuvenate your computer, solving any and all problems you may have.

9) Carefully clean the blood off your computer.

Seriously? Why would you do that?

10) Call a computer technician from a reputable care provider.

You clearly have no idea what you’re doing, so now is the time to phone in an expert. It is important that you listen to everything they may have to say as their knowledge far surpasses yours. And not just when it comes to computers, they are in fact superior human beings all round.

Just make sure you hide your midget porn.

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PREZ SEZ president of ausm, john kingi By now you're all likely to be knuckled down hard at study and the adulation and fun of Orientation is now dying down.

The next few weeks will seem a busy time for most of you. I encourage you to take this time now to really plan your study for the next few weeks. Soon you'll be stressed with looming deadlines and you will wonder where all your time went!

Thanks!

Big thanks again to everyone for being part of AuSM Orientation 2014!

Stay tuned with us and check out www.ausm.org.nz for our on-going events such as movie screenings, volunteer opportunities, weekly free feeds and gigs!

AuSM Connect Have you checked out the AuSM smartphone app “AuSM Connect”? You can store all your classes, find local discounts and keep up with what’s going down on campus every day. Download AuSM Connect from the iPhone App store or Android Google Play.

Wednesdays: $2/$2.50 lunch Lunch at Te Kaipara (wharekai), City Campus every Wednesday from 12pm – 2:30pm! Get yourself one filled roll, one piece of fruit and a cup of tea/coffee for just $2/$2.50 (cash only)! What a great deal!

Top-up your phone with AuSM and get discount!

Do you know that AuSM offices sell Vodafone, Telecom and 2degrees top-ups? Buy a $20 top-up from us for just $19.50!

I have been busy at all of the orientation and academic planning events over the past few weeks, and it has been really great getting to meet so many of you. My door is always open to you, our students, so if you have any concerns, issues or just want a chat, drop me a line.

Over the coming weeks, I will be garnering your feedback about Orientation and O week. Please give us your thoughts and ideas for 2015 O week so we can make it the best it can be for you!

Also coming up we have our Clubs Day on Thursday 20th of March.

Come down to the Quad and check out the huge range of clubs and societies we have here at AUT. Start a club, volunteer or just sign up, the more you do, the more AuSM your experience will be.

That's all from me this week. Knuckle down Titans, 2014 is gearing up.

Your Prez,

John

Lovenotes and Hatemail Hi there,

Dearest Debate,

Dear debate,

My name is Laurien and I just wanted to say that I'm normally a huge Debate fan.

I am a University of Auckland student, so unfortunately, I often fall victim to taunting laughs and cutting jeers as I wander by the AUT campus with my magazine clutched in my quivering hands - 'She doesn't even go here!' forever ringing in my ears. But I keep calm and carry on because I thought you guys were worth my fandom, worth my excessive fangirling, and worth the bullying that tears a little piece of my soul out every day. Little did I know that Issue 2 of 2014 would prove that I thought wrong.

I have admired your printed pages for years now, and have become well acquainted with all of your featured topics and light-hearted articles. It's transformed my weekly routine at AUT into a reoccurring delight!

How do I start writing articles? I’m interested in contributing! ☺ Anne

I'll just cut to the chase. I took your cat quiz. Nailed it. Got Maru as my cat personality. But that wasn't the problem.

No, no...my infuriation roots much deeper than cat quiz results. My raging anger was birthed from the gaping hole that was the lack of 'Lil Bub' as a result option. Who the hell do you think you are? Putting together a cat quiz without including Lil Bub!? I see Grumpy Cat was there, so I know you don't live under a rock - you ARE aware of internet famous cats...so that can only lead me to believe that your lack of Lil Bub inclusion can only be interpreted as a personal attack against me, and other passionate readers who did nothing but love you.

It's a pity it had to end this way. Funny how life has a way of showing peoples' true colours. Do the world a favour and keep your future reproduction to a minimum. We have enough feline ignorance in this world.

God Bless, Laurien Hi Laurien, What a dreadful tail! I’m pleased to hear you troop over to AUT to pick up debates every week but I’m deeply saddened that your efforts of last week fell so flat. But perhaps you should paws for a second and think about what you’re saying… I feel you’re overreacting just a little bit.

I hope that you’re just kitten with me, that you’re lion just for the sake of a funny litter. But Laurien if you’re being serious, and you carry on being this sensitive about cats, I think your future reproduction might be kept to a minimum as well.

All the best with singledom, Matthew - Lil Bub? More like lil bitch.

Love, Ramina

There is one individual that I must commend, and quite frankly must admit has become the truest reason my hand reaches to snatch up this bundle of joy every wonderful Monday. His name is Matthew Cattin. Editor in Chief of this (thanks to him) brilliant printed work of art.

Many of you don't even give the black inked pages a second glance.

You hustle by the neatly set stacks, off to another class or scribbled in lunch date that floods your hectic schedule week after week. But had you paused to pick up this bundle of paper, taken the time to open up your sleepy eyes and read something worthwhile for a change, your week might look a little differently. I know this from experience. This one act could change your perspective of the transportation you take daily, or even the strangers you pass by at diagonal crosswalks. My life at AUT has been given a new joy because of this magazine, and it's all thanks to the backbone and glue that holds it all together. Matthew Cattin, your writing not only inspires me to get out of bed each morning, but to take on the day with a new found passion for life. If music could be heard on a page, I'd play your writing on repeat.

So, thank you. Thank you for putting in more hours than most, and thank you for giving me a piece of happiness I find in a bin on campus weekly (and no, it's not drugs). You're dashingly handsome and I applaud every letter you type, each being one more typed on this heart of admiration.

Never stop writing. Ever.

Sincerely, Forever a fan of literature. (and Matthew Cattin) Hi Mum, Thanks for the letter. Nice work pretending you’re a student! I almost would have fallen for it, but for the fact I saw the “debate letter” document on your desktop.

What’s for dinner?

Love you.

Matthew

Hi Anne, Anybody can write and there are no obligations. Write as little or as much as you please, whenever you find the time. You don’t have to be a journalism or creative writing student – heck, you don’t even need to be a student. We’re always on the lookout for contributors so if you have ideas, I’d love to hear about them. Thanks for your interest!

Matthew Hello AuSM. Just wanted to say cheers for the free feeds! Always good to get a free sausage for lunch! Will they carry on for the rest of the year??

Thanks team!

Elliott Hey Elliott, Yep! The AuSM boys will carry on feeding you lot all year, once a week at each campus.

Matthew Dear Matt Totally loved the piece you wrote in the ‘Should Len Brown Stand Down’ article in this week’s Debate. Love the humour and uncensored honesty you bring to every issue; it keeps my bus rides interesting! By the way, how can I possibly contribute an article myself to Debate, possibly on the matters of saving money etc?

Linn Hi Linn, Thank you! I’m glad my efforts make your public transport a little better. I’ve had a bunch of students eager to contribute on that same issue so I’m thinking we collab like alley cats and make a feature out of it. Your thoughts?

Cheers!

Matthew

Want to whisper a sweet nothing in our ear?

Or would you rather scream hateful somethings at us? Either way, email us at mcattin@aut.ac.nz., or drop your letter off to the AuSM office. We look forward to hearing your judgement of us!

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NIFTY NEWS

YOUNG WORKERS RISK LOSING JOBS IF THE MINIMUM WAGE INCREASES FURTHER Prime Minister John Key announced in February that the minimum wage will rise from $13.75 to $14.25 per hour from April 1.

However Labour leader David Cunliffe and Green Party co-leader Metiria Turei have criticised the Government’s decision as “insufficient” and say the wage should be $15 per hour.

The owner of Esquires Coffee on Lorne St, Surinder Paul Singh, does not agree with this rise in minimum wage but says it’s manageable.

By Joel Ngeaw Any future increases to the minimum wage could have critical consequences for employment, warns an economist.

Associate professor in Economics at AUT University, Gail Pacheco, says the rise to $14.25 is positive as it is adjusted for inflation but a higher increase would be detrimental for less skilled workers.

“When minimum wage goes up too much, employees lose out because businesses will choose to go with more experience workers.

“The types of workers that lose out tend to be young workers, Maōri and Pacific Islander workers.”

Dr Pacheco says the current $0.50 increase reflects a booming New Zealand economy as

businesses can theoretically afford to pay their staff more due to an increase in demand.

The owner of Esquires Coffee on Lorne St, Surinder Paul Singh, says although he does not agree with this rise, it would not have a huge impact on his profitability for his staff.

“Bloody hell, it’s a hit, but we have to comply.

It’s manageable but I’ll have to make do with whatever I’ve got.”

However, some businesses are already bracing themselves for the rise.

The store manager of Yogurt Story on Queen St, Yuna Jang, says she may be forced to let two or three of her staff go due to the increase.

When asked about Labour’s proposal to increase the minimum wage to at least $15 per hour, Miss Jang says the store may eventually be closed down.

“If it goes up any more, we won’t be able to afford it and will open [a store] in Korea because the minimum wage there is about $6 or $7.”

UNIVERSITY HOSTS FIRST GENERAL ELECTION DEBATE FOR 2014 3News' political editor Patrick Gower moderated the debate. His opening statement was a call for action to all those present. "...but it's not you guys that need to be told to vote, it's your mates, go out and get your mates voting this general election," said Mr Gower.

Auckland University student and member of UN Youth New Zealand Andrew Chen says it’s a matter of getting enough information out to people – particularly youth – so they can make informed, justified decisions.

“I think it’s more about changing the image of politics so it’s more positive… and making young people feel that their vote actually matters,” he says.

Moderator Patrick Gower introduces the panel for the first election debate of 2014.

By Gia Garrick The youth vote was a major focus at Auckland University for the first general election debate of 2014.

Held at the Fisher & Paykel Appliances Auditorium on June 6th, Auckland University's Debating Society hosted politicians from New Zealand's major political parties.

Mr Gower introduced several social and youth issues - alcohol, cannabis, tertiary education and the capital gains tax - with a degree of humour that had some students questioning whether they'd come to the right theatre.

"The youth vote is critical to this election," Mr Gower said later.

"Political parties need to take young voters seriously. By communicating with youth in a way they can understand... they could really sway the election this year."

Almost half of New Zealand's youth – aged 1824 – did not vote in the 2011 general election.

New Zealand First was the only no show of the debate. National’s Jamie-Lee Ross believed he knew why, mentioning a lack of the party’s key demographic in the University lecture hall.

Conservative Party leader Colin Craig arrived late to what was deemed by Twitter users as the “biggest applause of his career” and followed with several clumsy analogies.

“Politics is kind of like rugby, the team with the most votes wins,” said Mr Craig.

Personal attacks began soon after, Labour Spokesperson Shane Jones ‘excusing’ Colin Craig’s lateness.

“We know it’s a long way to come from the moon,” he said.

There was no lack of banter; moderator Patrick Gower found time to ask each politician in turn how much they drank per week and if he’d ever smoked a joint.

The debate rounded off with a Patrick Gower and Colin Craig ‘selfie.’

Mr Gower later said it would help if politicians seemed less “far off” and had policy that directly related to today’s young people.

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WORD JUMBLER

POKEMON How many words of three letters or more can you find without cheating? Probably not that many…

6-12 Go back to school 13-18 Average Joe 19+ You did good kid.

DID YOU KNOW? CATS SPEND 66% OF THEIR LIFE ASLEEP.

M&M'S CHOCOLATE STANDS FOR THE INITIALS FOR ITS INVENTORS MARS AND MURRIE.

BART SIMPSONS HIT SONG “DO THE BARTMAN” WAS WRITTEN BY MICHAEL JACKSON.

LEGO MEN HAVE HOLES ON THE TOP OF THEIR HEADS TO ALLOW AIR TO PASS THROUGH THEM, INCASE A CHILD EVER GOT ONE STUCK IN THEIR THROAT.

DAFT PUNK’S HELMETS COST $65,000 TO PRODUCE.

BEASTIALITY WAS LEGAL IN WASHINGTON UNTIL 2005, WHEN A MAN DIED FROM INTERNAL INJURIES FROM HAVING RECEPTIVE ANAL SEX WITH A HORSE. ON FILM. AT A HORSE BROTHEL.

‘GIDDYUP’ IS A CONTRACTION OF ‘GET THEE UP’

UNLESS FOOD IS MIXED WITH SALIVA YOU CAN'T TASTE IT.

A SNAIL CAN SLEEP FOR 3 YEARS.

by Che Crawford

THE FEAR OF PEANUT BUTTER STICKING TO THE ROOF OF THE MOUTH IS CALLED ARACHIBUTYROPHOBIA. 19

by Matthew Cattin

“Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a pen and he'll draw a penis,” – ancient proverb.

I’m not sure what age I was when I started drawing dicks.

I’d like to say seven – I really would – but the truth is I must have been about 14. Like my forefathers before me, it all started with science text books… Crammed full of illustrations of animal anatomy, rocket ships, sea anemones and parabola graphs, generations of young trouble makers before me added their phallic additions to the text books – it almost felt like destiny to put my shaky pen to paper and tack some hairy balls onto unsuspecting test tubes. I felt I was carrying on a proud line of mischievous misfits, unsatisfied with the pressures of school work and intent on making a mockery of the establishment, blemishing the hard work of physicists, biologists and chemists with a crude, urinating dick, veiny and heinous, brilliant and terrible.

Of course, the other boys found dick drawings hilarious and we would forever be comparing our works. We even branched out and created characters; Squidward Testicles, Dumbledick and Clarke Cock to name a few – or maybe that was just me… When Superbad was released and everybody spoke of its detailed dick characters, I remember feeling like we were the originals, the true masterminds.

It was an exercise in stealth and daring. Your friend has to leave his desk to hand in his quiz results – three seconds later, his page is adorned with a formidable knob. The teacher is late to class – you sneak a miniature willy on the white board on the way to your seat and hold your breath.

Usually, a crude dick would have to be executed in just a few seconds but on those beautiful and rare occasions, time would be on your side and you could construct something breath-taking.

Perhaps the proudest moment of my life came in year 13 biology. A classmate had a day off school sick and made the mistake of leaving her biology textbook in class. Rather than using the period wisely, you know, to learn things, my friend and I spent the entire hour making a flip-book cartoon in the corner of her textbook. We called it the Acockalypse and, as the name suggests, it was akin to the apocalypse of cock. Picture this, a stick figure walks into frame, stops and puts his hands on hips when all of a sudden WHAMMO! A giant penis steamrolls in from right out of frickin nowhere, mowing the guy down. It stays in frame just long enough to wiggle enticingly like an earth worm before hightailing it off the page, leaving in its wake a crushed stick man on the ground. It was beautiful. When our classmate got over her cold too, she was well-impressed at our creativity and stamina – it took us all lesson after all.

I’d say 90 per cent of guys will admit that they find dick drawings hilarious - and the other 10 per cent is lying. Gals however, well they never seemed to find it all that great.

Some of ‘em love it and can hold their own dick drawings against even the finest male artistes. But in my experience, the majority would snarl disapprovingly at my drawings and tell me to “grow up”. Perhaps they were right…

I decided to flop the word out to see if any brave female

D-drawers would come forward – I didn’t have to look far.

In fact the first young lady I asked, debate contributor and pal Laurien Barks has been a proud dick drawer for years after being inspired, like me, by college textbooks. “At first I was a bit offended by them, but curiosity is the plague of my life, and it eventually got the better of me. What on earth did people have to gain from drawing dicks all over their textbooks? I was determined to find out. And here I am, five years later... Still going strong. Once you draw one, you can’t ever stop,” she says.

She keeps the D-drawing in the closet when she has to (around girlfriends and grandmothers) but, as an artistic opportunist, she never passes up a moment to spice up a room with a ginormous dick. “I like to make them into characters, like, with hats or costumes. I also often bring dick drawings off of the page and arrange my mother’s fruit bowl to resemble a phallus that anyone would be proud of. What can I say? Why limit myself to pen and paper - I’m hardcore.”

I decided to scour Google for some answers. Why do boys (and awesome girls) feel the need to tag penises on everything? And why don’t girls stoop to the same low and draw vaginas? There’s a lot of opinion out there claiming boys draw dicks to symbolise power or dominance but really, I doubt 14-year-old me ever made those connotations. In fact I still don’t. It just tickles my funny bone to sabotage somebody’s essay with a raging penis, to watch their reaction when they discover the crime. Others suggest it’s used subconsciously as a vent for repressed homoerotic tendencies but once again, I have to disagree. I love to draw dicks but to the best of my knowledge, I’d draw the line at having one thrust in my direction. On my internet travels however, I found an interesting Reddit thread discussing these very same questions – copied below are some viewpoints I rather enjoyed.

“I'm a female and I have a fucking notebook full of Dick drawings. I asked myself the same thing once...tried to draw a vagina and it came out looking like an angry seagull.”

Well there you have it. Perhaps the simplest explanation is also the most accurate. Drawing a vagina is difficult, even for female artistes. I’d buy it.

“Vaginas aren't fun to draw. You can give dicks character.

Dicks can wear funny hats too.” And don’t quote me on this, but couldn’t a drawn vagina also wear a hat?

“It's the girls secretly drawing dicks. No guy ever drew a dick seriously, it's just those pesky girls sneaking in our toilets and drawing cocks. I bet the girls toilets is covered in dick.”

A great theory – perhaps there is some weight in it. Could it be? The perfect crime?

“Every time a girl draws a flower she is thinking about sex.” It doesn’t sooooouuuund factual… But it’s written down on the internet so I guess it must be true. Gross, ladies!

Much like Lorde’s lyrics, I reckon drawing dicks is one of the most overanalysed things out there. Maybe there is no reason why, but for the fact willys are funny. But what do you think? Do you have any theories? Send us a letter – or a picture – I’d love to hear your point of view.

We took a pad and paper around AUT to get a student perspective on D-drawings.

As it turns out, there are a lot of closet artists roaming the university – here is some of their work.

LAURIEN - PSYCHOLOGY

ANDREW – BUSINESS.

LEE - MICROBIOLOGY

Are you a fan of drawing dicks?

Yes.

Are you a fan of drawing dicks?

Na, it’s just a hobby – casual.

Are you a fan of drawing dicks?

I was back in high school but not so much now.

What is the best place you have ever drawn one?

Unsuspecting hands.

What is the best place you have ever drawn one?

The whiteboard.

Why do you think boys are so obsessed with drawing dicks?

I don't know...probably some sort of fantasy/ego thing.

Why do you think boys are so obsessed with drawing dicks?

Because it fulfils their fantasies of homosexuality.

CHRIS – VISUAL ARTS

MATTHEW – DEBATE

Are you a fan of drawing dicks?

I plan to do it for a living.

Are you a fan of drawing dicks?

Yes, yes I am.

What is the best place you have ever drawn one?

I once snuck one into my grandma’s birthday card from my mum.

What is the best place you have ever drawn one?

We once drew a monstrous and crooked penis on a beach in Northland. It was so vast you could only make out the shape by climbing a hill. It was fantastic to watch from above and see families walking and playing in the sand on the humongous penis.

Why do you think boys are so obsessed with drawing dicks?

Well, male genitals are a beautiful thing, with so many interesting features. Smooth in some parts, wrinkly in others, and it has all the hues of an winter sunrise.

Why do you think boys are so obsessed with drawing dicks?

It’s the fastest way to punk somebody. That, and boys are all still 12-year-olds at heart.

What is the best place you have ever drawn one?

We drew one in the graphics classroom behind the pulley ruler so it appeared when the next teacher moved it.

Why do you think boys are so obsessed with drawing dicks?

I have no idea. But it’s awesome.

EMILY - COMMUNICATIONS Are you a fan of drawing dicks?

No… What is the best place you have ever drawn one?

I’ve never drawn one.

Why do you think boys are so obsessed with drawing dicks?

I dunno – maybe they think it’s funny?

21

WEBSTUFF

ON LINE SHOP ING

by Che Crawford A new year. Same old study, less time to shop.

If you’re anything like me and have a desire to take small and frequent ‘study breaks,’ combined with a lousy student income, then you’ve possibly developed an obsession for trawling the internet in search of the best clothing websites to shop from at a budget. But just in case you haven’t yet picked up this habit, it’s time to start seriously considering it. No honestly, it’s fun, and I’m here to help you get started.

The Top 5 budget friendly clothes shops on the internet Number Five

TRADEME.CO.NZ Trademe is a site most of you are probably familiar with. Anyone can buy or sell on it. Originally it was intended as an online ‘garage sale’ website but has since spiraled into an easy way for businesses to sell their new products also.

This means that without too much trouble, brand new clothing is constantly available on trademe, as well as all the second hand stuff. Not to snub the second hand stuff though! There’s nothing as nice as buying a dress you know was a couple hundred dollars in the store for only $30 on trademe because someone wore it once and doesn’t think they will again.

Pros for buying off trademe include no customs charges or high postage fees, not needing a credit or debit card, and a feedback system that is great for not only seeing how reliable the seller is, but also the quality of their products (if they’re a shop and not a random one off seller).

Cons include the fact that it’s not always the best price. Tradme has opened a door for anyone who wants to import items and resell at a profit to be able to do so easily. (A little side business to consider maybe?). Often users will buy bulk clothing for much less money off another website (especially the others on my list), and relist them on trademe for significantly more. If you can find the original website and the postage isn’t ridiculous, cutting out the middle man will probably save you a few dollars.

Number Four

LIGHTINTHEBOX.COM LightInTheBox is a little bit of a conundrum.

So while I recommend it, I recommend with caution.

LightInTheBox sells all kinds of items, but is primarily known for its wedding and formal wear.

If you need a dress for a special occasion and are someone that plans ahead, this is the site for you. Not only are there hundreds upon hundreds of designs to choose from, they come in different colours, different materials, and can be made to your custom measurements for either no, or a small additional charge.

I happened to get married over the summer and ordered my wedding dress off this website. It was fantastic to get a dress made exactly to my size, but what struck me most were the prices. When I showed my dress to a seamstress, she told me that in New Zealand if I were to buy the fabric alone it would have cost me more than buying a dress made for me at LightInTheBox. (To get the idea I will tell you that I bought my entire wedding ensemble including postage for less than $200).

So, Pros - Cost is above all the reason to order off this website. Custom measurements, reviews with photos, and ‘good enough’ crafted dresses are a pro too. LightInTheBox offers a large range of elegant formal wear and an easy system to search for it. Little black dress? Check. Cocktail dress?

Check. Dresses that look like the one worn by the actress at the Oscars the other day? Umm, check...

Cons - High postage fees, up to 3 months to receive the item, and I have a suspicion they delete the negative reviews. I also recommend not using your credit card to order off this website.

Go and get a prezzy card*, because a week after I bought my wedding dress, someone in the UK was trying to buy travel tickets with my details.

Coincidence? Or is LightInTheBox selling people’s information?

But most of all, how are they making all these dresses for those prices? No seriously. I tried to search for information online and really couldn’t find anything. I never not find things.

Number Three

to clothing.

Pros: With so many options, there has to be something for everyone right?

Cons: I feel like I don’t understand this website. Why are people’s store pages so ugly?

Number One:

ASOS.COM Holy moly I am so excited to share number one with you! There are so many reasons to love this website. Firstly - free postage anywhere around the world! This is a mega bonus when ordering anything off overseas websites. It’s a real downer to have to pay a $50 postage free for that $20 t-shirt, but you don’t have to worry about it here! Packages never take long to get here either. The three times I’ve ordered from ASOS, I received the items within a week.

Secondly, they have sizes ranging from 2 - 26. There are a huge range of lovely items for all sizes. No more only getting to choose between two things if you’re a smaller or larger size than average.

ASOS lets you have the chance to be picky! No more children’s section. No more frumpy grandma clothes.

Sizes are listed in UK or AU, but don’t worry because they are exactly the same as New Zealand sizes!

They have an up to 70% off sale section that is updated frequently. Dresses range from $9 upwards and are all amazing quality. I’m not talking $20 dress from the warehouse that gets a hole in it when you accidently catch it on the corner of a desk, quality. I’m talking actual, long lasting quality, made out of fabric that just feels nice on your skin.

Mmmmm, fabric.

ASOS is considerate too. At checkout, buyers receive a friendly reminder that if your total purchase is over $400, you may incur custom charges. And with free postage, always and anywhere, it’s not a big deal to split your purchase if you’re having a bit of a spree.

There really are no downsides to ASOS that I can see. No postage fees mean that it’s almost the same as walking into the store and buying a $10 belt, except now you can do it between sentences of your essay.

BOOHOO.COM You’ve probably seen BooHoo advertising itself on TV lately. Their ads annoy me - I’m not sure why - so it took me a while to visit their site. I was pleasantly surprised to find however that not only are their prices reasonable and their free shipping to New Zealand frequent, they also have clothing up to size 24, and as small as size 4. Prices for dresses range from $20 up and don’t exceed $75.

On top of this, students in New Zealand get an all year minimum 10 per cent discount, which sometimes pops up to 20 per cent.

Pros - Sizes, prices, discounts for students.

Prices come in New Zealand dollars, and sizes are UK sizes, which are the same as NZ. Cons - While there are some options, there aren’t many for sizes over 16. All the clothing is the same kind of, dare I say ‘hipster-ish’ style, which, if you don’t like, this isn’t the online store for you. They also only go up to size 2XL for men.

Number Two

EBAY.COM I couldn’t really come up with a number two.

I’m sorry. I’m failing you. Much like trademe, ebay is a hub of sellers of all styles/sizes/prices when it comes

*Prezzy Cards - If you don’t have a credit or a debit card, online shopping becomes online window shopping. Fortunately NZ Post offers a solution. Prezzy cards are one off credit cards that can be used without the stress of debt, or the worry of your details being sold. They do cost $5.95, and you have to load a minimum of $25 on it. But hey, you can choose some pretty rad designs. Seriously though, security is nice, and prezzy cards can offer that. Check them out at prezzycard.co.nz YouShop - Good on NZ Post and their options! YouShop is a great service that allows you to buy items from overseas that are either charging far too much for postage, or don’t ship to your country at all. With this service, at the online checkout you can enter your YouShop address and the parcel will be sent there. Buyers then pay more reasonable international shipping costs and NZPost will deliver it to your house in New Zealand. Check out the service at - http://www.nzpost.co.nz/tools/ youshop

PLACES TO WASTE TIME ON THE NET

by Jamie Barnes

Hello new and returning debate readers and welcome to the New Year.

Each New Year brings with it fresh opportunities to start anew, to change ourselves for the better. Now who’s ready to cut out procrastinating and knuckle down awith some hard work and determination!

Yeah me neither, here’s a list of great websites to waste time on.

month or so it puts up a list of themed gift exchanges for you to sign up for and then randomly assigns you a giftee from anywhere in New Zealand (or around the world if you choose the “global” option) and you get assigned to someone else to send you a gift. So far I have received a bottle of Jim Beam, a huge box of Korean lollies, a Dr Who mug and a Game of Thrones flagon.

3. THAT GUY WITH THE GLASSES - thatguywiththeglasses.com This is a website where dozens of different online personalities, each with their own individual style and persona, post videos of themselves reviewing various forms of media such as movies, TV shows, music and videogames in a clever and comedic way. Not only is this a great way to help make a decision whether or not to participate in said media but you may also learn something about old movies or videogames you may not have known before. If you want to know which reviewer to watch then: •

Nostalgia Critic - head of the site, comically critiques bad movies from the 80’s and 90’s.

•

Nostalgia Chick – all of the more “girly” kids movies.

•

Todd in the Shadows – pop music.

•

Film Brain – Current movies and old bad ones.

•

Angry Joe – videogames.

•

Jessuotaku – anime

1. CRACKED - Cracked.com Randall Monroe summed it up best; “Cracked.com is another inexplicable browser narcotic. They could write a list of '17 worst haircuts in the Ottoman Empire' and I'd still read through to the end, and then click on all the links at the end.” cracked.com is a list-based humour and news site that hits a very sweet spot between being interesting, informative and funny on an immense array of topics, as well as weekly Photoshop competitions. For example; did you know that cheerleading has a higher rate of injury than any of the male-dominated sports they cheer for? How about that you can get high with nothing but a red light, a radio and a Ping-Pong ball? Or which popular architecture designs are for warding off ghosts? Well visit cracked.com to find out all of this and more

2. REDDIT GIFTS - redditgifts.com If you like Secret Santa’s then you’ll love this site. What happens is this - every

4. WEBCOMICS Remember the likes of Garfield and Calvin and Hobbes? Well in the same way the internet is making every other aspect of newspapers obsolete, it has produced a whole new generation of cartoonists and other creative types creating some truly remarkable comics.

Since “Various webcomics” is probably too vague to go on here are some of my personal favourites: For black humour and dick jokes – Cyanide and Happiness.

For more witty intellectual humour – XKCD. For a balance of the two (intellectual

dick jokes) – Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.

And if you prefer comics that continue a narrative: Questionable Content – indie 20 somethings going about their life in a world with lazy sentient robots.

Bad Machinery – Hampshire 13-year-olds solving supernatural mysteries like it’s a regular after-school activity

5. AUCKLAND LIBRARIES - http://search. aucklandlibraries.govt.nz/ What? Books are cool, as well as audiobooks, and E-books, and comics, graphic novels, CDs, videogames, magazines, DVDs, and textbooks (well that one not so much) all of which you can borrow from the library for a couple of dollars (THAT’S the cool thing about the textbooks).

6. COOKIECLICKER - http://orteil.dashnet.org/ cookieclicker/ Okay this one is great - what you do is you click on this big cookie and you get cookies. Well no they’re not real cookies of course, they’re digital cookies represented by a number… But it is much more than that; you can spend the cookie numbers on ovens and rolling pins which will make the cookie number go up even higher automatically without needing to click. So it kinda gets to the point where you do nothing and just wait for the number to go up… My god I must have clocked over 200 hours on this shitty website… At my job I get paid $14 an hour - that could have been $2800 WASTED. Or not even getting paid I could have spent that time studying, learning a new skill or hell, even practicing the skills I do have like writing for student magazines but no, as a result of that game you poor people are being treated to half-assed list-based articles, sloppy grammar and spelling mistakes, all because I would rather click the same button over and over again than do actual work.

Well NOT ANYMORE it may be March but I am starting a NEW New Year’s resolution; to cut out all procrastinating and not waste any time on pointless websites.

23

Self(ie) Improvement – Vanity Tips for Dummies Written by Matthew Cattin I recently had the pleasure of attending Matt Corby’s stellar gig at the Powerstation – I assure you his sensual eyes and perfect smile had nothing to do with it. I was there for his talent. As it turns out though, it seemed many enthused punters weren’t there for his talent OR his flawless face but rather, to record their attendance by means of the selfie. It was frustrating to say the least – a blinding flash mid-song, taking right away from the live performance. Well-dressed teens with winning smiles would periodically turn their backs rudely on Mr Corby and thrust out their iPhones. *FLASH* Two frozen, smug mugs to pull some jealous comments on Instagram and Facebook. Oh, Yeezus, I blinked. Can we go again?

It was an epidemic of vanity, spreading like hives through the audience.

Spurred by others’ narcissistic snaps, flashes erupted everywhere like an acne breakout. Is now really the time? An artist you paid to see perform is pouring his heart into a microphone and you’re more interested in claiming social media bragging rights. How polite of you! I’m glad you’re able to unplug from your egotistic lives long enough to enjoy 80 minutes of music.

I’m not the first and nor am I the last disgruntled human to wage words against the now prevalent practice but after a recent resurgence of the selie in the media, I thought it high time to readdress the issue. The average selfie doesn’t bother me all that much… I mean, I get it. You’re at home, you’re dolled up and looking fabulous, filled with self-confidence.

You want to take a photo of yourself while you’re happy with the way you look - but options are limited. Asking mum is a bit awkward, your iPhone has no self-timer capabilities and let’s be honest, you have no friends. Reach, push, snap. Problem solved. And what’s more? If you accidentally blinked or the angle didn’t suit your cleavage, well you can just go ahead and take another… Thirty.

What vexes me of late is the inappropriate and sometimes dangerous situations selfie opportunists get themselves into for the good of a bad selfie. And going viral on the internet the moment they are uploaded, inappropriate selfies have no chance of going undetected – selfie noobs pay quickly for their vanity fails. And much to the cold, cruel internet population’s delight, there are many such fails. To make your future moments of narcissism run smoothly, I have kindly compiled some selfie tips to get you by.

#Genocide.

Nothing gets more likes than selfies from abroad but take care to be respectful in your travels and refrain from taking snaps in serious places, you know, like death camps, gas chambers and memorial sites. If you have itchy thumbs however and simply cannot resist the urge to #holocaustselfie, at least have the decency to look sombre and reflective – and put them gang signs away.

Clean up yo act.

Selfies and bathrooms go together like Instagram and hashtags – it’s a sad fact of 21st century life. While they do have their upsides (a mirror and…

No wait, that’s it), they also have some pretty severe pitfalls you need to be wary of. One such pitfall is the state of the bathroom in which you are snapping – nothing ruins a high angle cleavage shot like a sneaky brown lurking in the U-bend. In fact any shot with a toilet in the background is pretty damn trashy. Just staaaahp.

Phone sweet phone.

What’s funnier than taking selfies next to a sleeping homeless man?! Hmm? Just about everything. Yes, their beards may be epic and yes, their clothes may be filthy, but no, taking your picture with an unawares homeless person will not give you any street cred. It will however make you a heartless bastard and you ought to be instashamed of yourself.

Penile veins and tittaaays.

To the guys and gals who flop out their appendages, tense and pop their glistening bods and squint seductively into their mirrors, y’all are dickheads. You may have good bodies, but with great power comes great responsibility. Posting a selfy of your bodaaay is the equivalent of posting “in my opinion, I am the absolute shit – pay attention to me” to your timeline.

It screams narcissism… It’s compliment fishing at its very best, stemming from Gen Y’s need to be reassured of their own greatness. If your gym shorts are so low I can see the veins snaking their way to your penis, stop. If I can see your underwear and/or your bum, stop. And if you have kids, for the love of Zeus make sure they aren’t in the frame.

Control your face.

As we have established, sometimes selfies are the easiest and only viable option for producing a photo of oneself. Therefore, I think it wise to smile!

Do not portray a begging dog who has been denied a cookie. Do not squeeze your lips into a bill and look insolent. Instead, think of something that makes you genuinely happy - perhaps how many hearts your selfy will get you on Instagram - and emancipate them shining whites.

When I left home five years ago (hey, I’m only 22 now!), I didn’t know a thing about healthy eating. I went straight for the $3 heat n’ eat butter chicken at the supermarket and opted for takeaways over cooking.

After only a few months, I had put on 15kg and I was sluggish and unmotivated. Oblivious to how food was affecting me, it wasn’t until a doctor told me that the way to a healthy body was 90% diet and 10% exercise. What?? I thought. Food is the problem?? From that moment forward, I strived to become a healthy person by thinking about what I was eating rather than just consuming.

Now, after plenty of trial and error AND through endless hours (four years’ worth) of searching the internet for healthy alternatives, I can now share with you some of my go to recipes for healthy eating. And guess what? They aren’t expensive to make! First off, Cauliflower-rice sushi!

Only a few years ago, health “gurus” were raving about the benefits of sushi. But in actual fact, regardless of the goodness in the filling, sushi is mostly made up of white rice – a refined grain stripped of its nutrients unlike its forefather, brown rice.

For me this is a big issue as I often feel tired after eating sushi. While studying, this can be the worst state to be in. So, to combat this I have found a great substitute for glutinous white rice – cauliflower rice!

WHAT YOU WILL NEED

THE HEALTHY STUDENT CAULIFLOWER-RICE SUSHI

By Lennie Galloway

• ½ cauliflower, sesame seeds, olive oil, apple cider vinegar, sushi seaweed, filling of your choice thinly sliced, sushi mat, food processor, knife.

RECIPE • Using a food processor, blend half a cauliflower head (take off leaves and stalks) with 1 tbsp olive oil, 1 tbsp sesame seeds and 1 cap of apple cider vinegar. Process until the cauliflower is finely cut and resembles fluffy rice. Alternatively you can use a knife to cut the cauliflower head.

• Spread the cauliflower-rice onto seaweed as you would with white rice and add your favourite filling. I’ve put in salmon along with thinly sliced cucumber, red onion and carrot.

• Roll tightly with the sushi mat (You can by these for $3.50 from Daiso on Queen Street) then, using a sharp knife, cut up the sushi rolls into 1 inch pieces.

•

Eat it!

REVIEW: Little Bird Unbakery Reviewed by Lennie Galloway Little Bird Unbakery, situated on Summer Street just off Ponsonby road, is all about raw, gluten free, dairy free and refined sugar free creations. For an allergy ridden freak like me, this place is heaven. You’ve no doubt heard about this gem so if you haven’t already been, here’s a bit of insight into what you are missing out on!

Space: With rustic exposed brick, simple black and white photography, hanging plants and light wooden tables, the atmosphere is one of relaxation.

Despite being constantly busy (waiting for a table is the norm after 10.30am) the staff are always calm and happy which makes Little Bird an enjoyable place to be.

Price: Because such amazing ingredients and countless hours go into making each dish, the price reflects this. Breakfasts and lunches range from around $12 - $17 and cabinet sweets and smoothies (the main attraction) range between $8 - $12. Trust me when I say this, it is worth saving up every dollar.

Taste: I ordered the Bird Bowl (Pictured) and my boyfriend ordered the Raw Pizza and, at risk of sounding like a snobby food critic, both dishes were faultless. The Raw Pizza was made with a gluten free no flour base topped with fresh cherry tomatoes, organic tomato paste, courgettes and cashew nut cream cheese. *drool* My Bird Bowl – an assortment of salads and grains - had too many things in it to talk about but all I will say is yum! In past visits I have tried various cheesecakes, bagels, tarts and smoothies and all have been like nothing I have ever tried before – in a good way of course!

Overall: If you are into healthy food, sick of having to caution staff about your food allergies, or open to trying something new, make the trip to this brilliant little cafe.

P.S. Unbakery = unbaked/raw food as opposed to a bakery where everything is baked ☺ 25

What’s the craziest thing you've done for Made from Scratch?

Start my classes; it was such a gamble and very stressful to begin with but I'm so pleased that I took the plunge.

What’s the most fun you've had doing a DIY/craft project?

Our home, it's the best DIY project ever.

All time favourite thing to bake?

Lemon tart, it's just perfect.

What does a lazy Sunday afternoon look like for you?

Curled up on the couch either reading cookbooks or admiring pinterest.

If you like _____ you'll love Made from Scratch Delicious home baking and lifestyle inspiration How did Made from Scratch come to be?

I started it a few months before we got married, I simply shared recipes that I liked to make, and of course everything that was happening with our wedding, and it grew from there.

What’s your biggest inspiration?

Seeing other women succeed at what they love - there really is nothing more wonderful than seeing all that hard work pay off.

Interviewed by Erica McQueen Rachael McMahon is a woman of many talents. Made from Scratch, her beautiful blog, was born out of the desire to keep all the treasures she discovered while planning her wedding in one place.

Little did she know it would grow to what it is today. She now has over 7000 likes on her Facebook page, is working on the project full time and posting multiple times a day. Rachael now takes a range of workshops at Studio 46, sharing her mass of experience and wisdom on everything from cake decorating to social media. I can’t speak more highly of the stunning blog full of eye candy!

Be sure to check it out for some instant inspiration!

A while back I had a chat with Rachael about her lifestyle blogging, inspirations, projects and favourite shops!

Favourite ingredient to cook/bake with?

Cooking has to be any kind of fresh herb, it instantly changes a meal.

Baking, vanilla, it's just the most perfect flavour ever!

Favourite cafe/cake shop?

Vaniye in Parnell have the most beautiful selection of French treats - it's such a wonderful spot to visit. Of course you can't go past Little & Friday too, it's just incredible!

You’ve done a bit of baking and styling for shoots on the blog. Do you also do events?

Not really, I love styling but it's not something I'd like to do full time - I adore getting to collaborate with other talented ladies for styled shoots, plus getting to supply baking for a shoot is always fun.

Your one best fashion/beauty tip?

Always take your makeup off before bed and never under estimate a good red lipstick, it will transform any outfit.

Any advice to those keen on starting up a blog?

As simple as it sounds just be you, everyone has a story to tell, so tell yours! Sticking at it every day will also quickly build your readership, but of course most of all enjoy it, blogging really is incredible.

Who takes the photos for the blog?

I take all of the photos for the recipes, which is a lot of fun. It's a mix really, wedding photos are always taken by talented wedding photographers and they're always credited within the post.

If you could have unlimited access to one store (I’m talking free anything) for the rest of your life, which store would you choose?

Ikea - I could never ever get sick of Ikea. Oh and maybe a big department store so that you can get other things too.

Favourite object/item you own?

A necklace that my hubby got me years and years ago, I feel lost when I don't have it on.

Favourite music to listen too while baking/getting crafty As strange as it sounds, nothing, I can't work with music on I find it far too distracting. I'm really enjoying the Great Gatsby Soundtrack though, it's heaps of fun.

If you had to give yourself a job title, what would it be?

Oh goodness, jack of all trades and a master of none! I've coined the term that I'm a lifestyle blogger that hosts baking classes, that seems to sum up what I'm doing.

Is MFS your day job? I you weren't doing MFS what would you be doing?

It is. I've been full time with it for over a year now which is amazing to think. I've no idea what I'd be doing without MFS, probably event management or PR - I dabbled in both positions for a while years ago and really enjoyed them.

Last piece of baking/craft equipment you purchased?

A beautiful pie dish and cake stand from the Donna Hay store in Sydney, I'm a little in love with them.

Final words of wisdom?

Do what you love most and never give up. Oh and always butter and flour a baking tin before you make a cake, otherwise it will stick to the pan, even if it says non-stick!

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Image by Anna Earley

An Experiment in Anarchy: The Beauty that was Twitch Plays Pokémon

by Ethan Sills The way I see it, there are three types of people in our generation; there are those who, as children, watched, played and/or traded Pokémon across its various media forms and merchandising. These are the types that can tell a Squirtle from a Charmander and have fond memories of the mega-franchise at its peak, but they are essentially now just memories. Next are those who have never watched a second of Pokémon, who never touched a single game cartridge, who barely know who Pikachu is; people that, I can only presume, had terrible, lonely, depressing, childhoods as a result.

Then you have those who still savour the franchise today.

Fans who have grown up with the series have created a fairly widespread internet community, with dozens, probably hundreds, of websites providing either heated discussion or cataloguing every aspect of the series. It may not exactly be the coolest of franchises, but it is the second highest grossing video game franchise of all time, one of the longest running animes, and this community is an unflinching, powerful force that I am here to bring to your attention today.

I imagine many people out there, the types who come to uni dressed as though they about to strut down the catwalk, think of fandoms as being made up of overweight nerds living in their parent’s garage. Most people probably saw Pokémon in the title and instantly turned away in revulsion that debate would publish something like this. However, one two week Pokémon-themed social experiment has done something that you all should take notice of.

On February 12, an anonymous Australian programme began a social experiment on online video game emulator Twitch.tv, an event that has quickly become a phenomenon.

They started a game of Pokémon Red, taking place in real time, where every player who took part had control over the main character Red. Things started slowly, but once word spread, more and more people began playing. As with much of the internet, many of the players were trolls that wanted to stuff things up, such as by making the game check the PokeDex on numerous times rather than actually progressing.

Halfway through the game, and one of the more interesting aspects to come out of this, the programmer put in the Democracy vs Anarchy function; if the former was in play, then whichever command was typed the most in ten seconds would be what Red did, but if it was in Anarchy mode, it would be a crazy, random free-for-all.

Anarchy reigned largely throughout the game, mostly as it was more fun for some people, but for a large proportion of the players really wanted to just have the opportunity to regale in childhood memories at the same time as taking part in this unique experience, and at times, Democracy was in power. Things did not go smoothly: it took players nine hours

just to overcome an ill placed ledge and forty-two hours to clear one building. Progress was eventually made, and after just sixteen days, the game was defeated with Red, and about 70,000 people, becoming Pokémon Champions together.

The real magic of this event lies in how the online fandom reacted. In the nearly 400 hours it took for the game to be completed, memes and fan creations sprouted all over the place. One user’s simple comment of “PRAISE THE HELIX FOSSIL”, after said item was chosen over the Dome Fossil, has now become a religion – the Church of the Helix Fossil, to be precise, with most of the player’s Pokémon becoming some form of religious diety – aaabaaajss the Pidgeot, for example, is now Bird Jesus, fighting against the False Prophet Flareon to protect the Lord Omanstar from all that is evil. And you may think of fan art as not being ‘real’ art, but some of the artwork I have seen come out of this has been breathtakingly beautiful and is even more incredible when you think pieces of such calibre were crafted within only a few days.

I wanted to write about this, not because I am a fan, not because Nintendo is paying me to promote their brand, and not because I was asked to fill some space in this issue, but because TwitchPlaysPokémon should give us all some more faith in humanity. In an age when nearly every topic you could possibly imagine can cause massive levels of discourse and division across the internet, when people only come together to mercilessly mock the latest Batman vs Superman casting news, it is empowering to see that, for at least a fortnight, so many people around the world came together with the simple intention of playing Pokémon; it is estimated 1.6 million people in total played the game while another 38 million watched the live stream.

At the last hurdle, 70,000 people collectively worked together for hours and managed to conquer something that most people thought would take months. They persevered even when they had already been defeated by the Elite Four multiple times and their Pokémon were pretty shit by most standards (just saying). The chaotic energy of Anarchy was pushed aside, and Democracy reigned as those people joined together and powered through without any communication, working almost as one to defeat this game.

It says a lot that Pokémon is providing us with the finest examples of human spirit and community in recent weeks (here’s looking at you, Putin).

In the end, this social experiment showed us all the power of fandom, the community spirit that all members feel. So before you turn your noses up at us nerds, think of a time when something you loved achieved such a collective goal, when a group rallied and embraced something as unexpected, bizarre but glorious at this and maybe then you will just see what TwitchPlays and fandom can teach us all. Praise Helix.

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REVIEWS

Do your strong opinions drive away your friends? Send us an email at mcattin@aut.ac.nz to contribute to our reviews section.

Are We Officially Dating?

Directed by: Tom Gormican Starring: Zac Efron, Michael B. Jordan, Miles Teller

ride. The movie revolves around three guys who vow to maintain their single status for as long as possible. However, as I’m sure you never saw coming, the plan gets derailed when they each fall in love. What a plot!

Jason (Zac Efron) and his BFF Daniel (Miles Teller) work in advertising together, designing book covers. Although they both appear to be in successful, well-paid positions, they act 12-years-old the entire time, and embarrass everyone in the cinema as a result. However, I must admit that watching Zac give an overlypassionate design pitch (to a group of publishers) was deliciously cringe-worthy – if not entirely irrelevant to the film’s storyline.

Although there are actually a couple of lovable characters in the film, unfortunately Zac Efron is not one of them. He seems to revert to his cheesy High School Musical role, Troy Bolton, except this time he works in advertising and wants to have sex with everything.

The only aspect of the movie that I really enjoyed (other than the popcorn), was Mackenzie Davis, who plays the boys’ friend Chelsea. Aside from being delightful, Mackenzie’s character seems impressively real. I must say, she provided me with some much-needed relief in the midst of my pain and suffering.

In case you haven’t got the message yet; it was bad. But not surprisingly bad – very, very predictably bad. In other words, I was able to spend the entire movie dreading each painful moment as it drew ever closer. However, there was one mystery: why-ohwhy was Imogen Poots (who plays Ellie – Zac’s love interest) banned from showering throughout filming? In every scene she looks like she got ready yesterday, and I daresay, it’s not her best look.

Reviewed by Fleur Hume What was I thinking? In reality, I was probably thinking something along the lines of “God, I love popcorn”. Whatever was going on that day, my decision-making abilities were seriously impaired, and I found myself at the 10:10am Valentine’s Day showing of Are We Officially Dating. 94 minutes never seemed like so many.

By the end of the movie, I was almost in tears, and not the good kind. Zac Efron had just ruined my life. Granted, I’m exaggerating, but I’m telling you – it was not an enjoyable

A Million Little Pieces Novel Published in 2003

Although an exciting moment for women all over the world, the brief viewing of Zac’s bare ass did not, in my opinion, redeem the film’s painful predictability. As I sat cringing through Zac’s glassy-eyed, love-induced, end-of-the-movie speech, I could not help but feel that my intelligence as the viewer had been seriously underestimated.

The entire movie is one big cliché that only a true High School Musical fan could appreciate, and yet the film is totally inappropriate for tweens (R16). There’s guilty pleasure, and then there’s just plain guilty. And to think that somebody, somewhere, spent $8 million making that magic happen. Boo!

and sensation that the narrator encounters. Throughout the 500 page memoir Frey battles with his inner rage which he calls “The Fury” and attempts to manage his withdrawals. I have had no experience with drug addiction so it was new for me to undergo this- even if it was second hand. However just because the subject matter isn’t universal, this does not make for an un-relatable book; I believe nearly everyone can empathise with his anger and understand parts of his pain even if the pain we feel is not relative to drug abuse.

In parts of the book I felt the monotony of repetitious drug obsession somewhat tedious, but then Frey had a knack for surprising me with a paragraph filled with beautiful description on something as simple as the weather.

One of the most memorable scenes is when Frey has to endure back-to-back root canal surgery, but as he is going through substance-withdrawal he is not allowed any anaesthesia. He holds tennis balls in each hand as substitutes, and digs into them until his nails crack and bleed. This scene is a direct representation of the book; it is raw, brutal and honest.

On the subject of honesty; three years after the book had been published and Frey had acquired a lot of media attention (mostly thanks to Oprah endorsing his book), it came out that not all of the events in the book were actually true. The charges that Frey had supposedly faced were not nearly as severe as he had written and the damage that had been inflicted on his body (41 stitches that sewed up a hole in his cheek from falling down a fire escape) had never occurred in the first place. These revelations led to outrage in Frey’s fans and the media, to which he replied "So let the haters hate, let the doubters doubt. I stand by my book and my life."

Reviewed by Mary Wilkins Published in 2003, A Million Little Pieces is one of the bestselling books of the past decade. It is a memoir of the author’s time as a 23-year-old drug addict and ex-criminal in one of the top rehabilitation centres in America. Frey had been an alcoholic for 10 years and a crack addict for three, and was told when he reached the clinic he could either stop using or die before he reached the age of 24.

The book is written in first person; therefore the reader goes along with every emotion

Even though Frey has exacerbated a lot of the events in his memoir, I still believe that it is an inspiring journey of a man who dealt with his demons and remains clean. He may have embellished his book but at the end of the day it was still James Frey that went through the trauma of overcoming drug addiction - none of that was exaggeration.

So if you are interested in a story of overcoming addiction then A Million Little Pieces is a raw and yet poetic book and well worth reading.

Vampire Academy Directed by: Mark Waters Starring: Zoey Deutch, Lucy Fry, Danila Kozlovskky

This movie, like many recent others, is based on a successful series of books. It follows the lives of… you guessed it, vampires, as they make their way through the perils of high school life. These vampires are a little more confusing than Edward Cullen however, as there are three types. Essentially, Strigoi are the evil ones, Moroi the good, and Dhampir are half vampires that protect the good Moroi from the bad Strigoi. If you’re a fan of the books like myself, you’ll know that the Dhampir’s are totally badass in a teen fiction kind of way, and are my personal favourite.

The first film follows Dhampir Rose and her best friend Lissa as they are thrown back into vampire school after being on the run mysteriously for a year. Once back at school however, they are met with threats by an anonymous source. This is all whilst navigating the ups and downs of a cliché American high school. From note-passing to school dances, to boyfriend stealing, it really is tough for the ridiculously good looking leads.

Of course it wouldn’t be a vampire teen movie without a love interest, and Vampire Academy doesn’t fail to deliver here. According to the books, Dimitri Belikov is the dreamiest man out. Not only does he have a sexy Russian accent, but he is also meant to be ridiculously good looking and an extremely talented Dhampir. Throughout the story Rose and himself have a teacher/student sexual chemistry thing going on.

Disappointingly however, he is the biggest let down in the movie version. The actor who plays him looks like a skinny Jack Black. Plus in the one scene where he actually takes his top off, there is not an abdominal muscle in sight. So incredibly disappointing.

Aside from this poor casting decision, I enjoyed the movie. It followed the book plot nicely, and lived up to its expectation of cute teen vampire movie. If you have not read the books however, I feel you may not enjoy it as much as I did. Overall an enjoyable experience but you could totally wait until the DVD release to see it.

Reviewed by Natasha Free For those of you who have just read the title of this movie and laughed, it’s alright. We were all there when Twilight exploded into our lives as young teens, and lived through the subsequent obsession with vampires that followed. But surely some six years later we have experienced every possible type of vampire, right? Well good readers, that’s where you’re wrong!

Non-Stop Directed by: Jaume Collet-Serra Starring: Liam Neeson, Julianne Moore, Scoot McNairy

instruct the airline to transfer $150 million into an off-shore account. Until he secures the money, a passenger on his flight will be killed every 20 minutes. Pretty exciting stuff, yes?

Yes. As expected, the entirety of the film is set on board the flight, and is devoted to tracking down the culprit (preferably before everybody is murdered). As I’m sure you can imagine, Neeson is in his element. He spends all 110 minutes tense and, let’s just say, things get physical. His old, and yet sprightly, physique is put to good use as pretty much every person on board is suspected.

Neeson uses a number of impressive techniques in his attempt to catch the person responsible. Such techniques range from subtle observation and wildly unrealistic phone hacking, to beating the crap out of a suspect with the back of his gun. It’s all good stuff.

I must say I was pleasantly surprised at the difficulty of solving the mystery. However, I’m not entirely sure whether this was due to clever writing, or simply a lack of appropriate clues.

Either way, I didn’t manage to work it out before Neeson did, which definitely made the ride all the more enjoyable.

Although it’s exciting attempting to figure out who the culprit is, and watching the non-stop action (yes, I went there), the storyline is weak and lacks any sense of depth whatsoever. The characters are seriously under-developed, and their motives never entirely understood. The words “cheap thrills” spring to mind.

Reviewed by Fleur Hume I must admit, 61-year-old Liam Neeson looks pretty good. If you’re a fan, then you’re in for a treat. If not… well, I’m afraid you’re in trouble. The whole Neeson aspect of this particular thriller is kind of hard to escape, considering it’s 110 non-stop minutes of Liam Neeson... On a plane. But really, what more could you want? Okay, a slightly better storyline wouldn’t have hurt, but still.

Neeson plays US Air Marshal Bill Marks, who receives a series of cryptic text messages during a transatlantic flight from New York City to London. The culprit demands that he

Looking back, I still don’t really know what to make of the culprit’s motives, (or why the scene with the little girl was necessary). Such details seem to have been brushed aside in an attempt at cramming as much action into the film as possible. A let down, in my opinion.

Romance is not a main feature in this film (thankfully), although Neeson appears to become somewhat fond of the woman in the seat next to his. You know what they say: location, location, location. Jen Summers, played by Julianne Moore, seems to win Neeson’s trust immediately and attempts to help him solve the mystery. However, the audience is left wondering: friend or foe?? (Her leather jacket is preeeetty suspicious!)

Although I may not consider Non-Stop to be of the highest quality, it’s an exciting watch, and I was happy to donate two hours of my life to its cause. As many argue, the point of a film is to entertain, and Non-Stop definitely entertains.

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