Debate issue 25

debate ISSUE 25| OCTOBER 2014

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COVER ART Photo by Ramina Rai BEST EDITOR EVER Matthew Cattin matthew.cattin@aut.ac.nz SUB EDITORS Laurien Barks | Kieran Bennett DESIGN/ART Ramina Rai ramina.rai@aut.ac.nz CONTRIBUTORS Amelia Petrovich | Carl Ewen | Ethan Sills | Kate Simmonds | Samantha Boston ILLUSTRATION & PHOTOGRAPHY Ramina Rai ADVERTISING CONTACT Kate Lin kate.lin@aut.ac.nz PRINTER PMP Print Ltd. PUBLISHER AuSM all rights reserved

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EDITORIAL Hello readers!

Do you remember in primary school when it got to the end of term and everything would just stop? Word finds would be handed out, heads down thumbs up would be played, and the Shrek VHS would be dragged out for the third time in a week. What a time to be alive, am I right? Sadly, university turned its back on this glorious tradition, and rather than winding things down at the end of semester, they relentlessly turn up the heat. I recall the end of my final year being a roller coaster of equal parts stress and relief, until finally I had the beautiful feeling of kissing my final assessment and slipping it into the assignment box. I remember riding the elevator solo, from the fifteenth floor of the tower to ground level. The doors opened, I rushed outside, and the sun greeted me with a warm embrace. It was all over. I bussed home with a grin on my face, and the next day, I flew to Samoa for a much needed week of holiday. Recommended.

As my studying window closed, a door sprung wide open – a position as editor of debate. Having contributed since second year, I had always kept it in the back of my mind that it would be a killer first job. In what other position could I be paid for writing whatever I liked with full creative control?

While fellow journo graduates were doing stories on district councils and school galas in community papers, I would be my own boss, writing creatively, free from the constraints of the mundane journalism style – it was genius.

The job allowed me to interview some of my favourite bands, meet some interesting people, experience working in a creative team and environment, and also enjoy the pressures of a weekly turnover. AuSM offered me a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I’m so glad I took it.

Two years and 50 issues of debate later, I am here at my desk writing my final editorial.

It’s been a fantastic journey, and first and foremost I would like to thank the whole team here at AuSM. The passion within these walls for helping and providing students is second to none. Without AuSM there would be no debate, no free feeds, no O-Week fiesta, and no student voice. Y’all are awesome.

Secondly, the dedicated contributors who have busted their chops to provide content for the magazine – it’s no embellishment to say there would be no magazine without you.

I’d also like to say a huge thank you to those lovely people who took the time to email us compliments and comments. It may sound cliché but it really does mean a heck of a lot, and I find it humbling and mindboggling when strangers email kind words for no other reason but to spread some happiness around.

I realise this is drawn out, but heck, it’s my swan song, and I need to thank the team!

Ramina, you diva, you take Word documents, and you turn them into gold.

You undoubtedly wear the pants, and you’ve been an absolute pleasure to work with. To the subs, Kieran and Laurien, you’ve been marvellous, and you’ve done a fantastic job of filling the magazine each week, and keeping me sane. Ex oh ex oh.

I sincerely hope you’ve enjoyed the magazine for the past two years! It’s quite a challenge to come up with new ideas every week, but I feel like we’ve done a pretty good job of publishing fresh stories and, for the most part, keeping out of trouble. It took me a while to realise that no matter what I publish, it is impossible to please everybody.

In the feedback we’ve received this year, it seems half of readers want one thing, and the other half want the opposite, so I figure it levels out. The only thing the student body seems to agree on is we need more sudokus and wordfinds… So perhaps while university has moved past the end of term games, students will always be students, no matter their age.

From here on in, I’m not too sure what doors I can alohomora, but that’s all part of the fun.

I’ve had a dream since I was in college of travelling the country with a guitar, surfboard, a set of wheels, and no destination - and I think it’s high time I actually go out and make it happen.

Thank you all for reading! Good luck with exams, summer, and beyond.

Matthew 5

VOX POPS

This week, as a bit of a pre-celebratory gesture to Movember, we got our vox poppers to draw and sport their best mo!

Interviews by Laurien Barks and Kieran Bennett

JESSE MITCHELL Communications What’s something you used to believe in as a child?

I used to think you could fly if you tried hard enough.

What was your favourite album of the year?

FKA Twigs album is all good.

What do you look forward to most in summer?

The sun.

EIVIND JORGENSEN Communications, Advertising What’s something you used to believe in as a child?

I was a communist at 13.

What was your favourite film of the year?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

What do you look forward to most in summer?

Sleeping long hours and barbequing.

PAYTON COX Business What’s something you used to believe in as a child?

Tooth Fairy.

What was your favourite film of the year?

22 Jump Street. I went to it twice.

What do you look forward to most in summer?

Hanging out with friends.

AYHAM ALSAPIM Communications What’s something you used to believe in as a child?

He-Man. I used to believe in He-Man. What was your favourite film of the year?

Film would be The Untouchables. It’s the first drama film I’ve ever liked that much.

What do you look forward to most in summer?

The heat, the sun, the beaches.

JAIMEE BOYCE Business What’s something you used to believe in as a child?

Santa.

What was your favourite album of the year? @Peace – Girl Songs.

What do you look forward to most in summer?

Beaches and Festivals.

OLLIE JONES Communications What’s something you used to believe in as a child?

I used to think that babies came out of belly buttons.

What was your favourite album of the year?

Gorillaz UK by Gorillaz.

What do you look forward to most in summer?

Unfortunately I graduate and have to get a job, so hopefully earning some money.

LIDIIA SLONOVA Business

KSENIA KIRSANOVA Business

What’s something you used to believe in as a child?

I believed that Harry Potter was real and that you would get warts from frogs.

What was your favourite album of the year?

AM- Arctic Monkeys.

What do you look forward to most in summer?

Really nice weather, hot sun and no study or exams.

What’s something you used to believe in as a child?

I was convinced that there were monsters in the dark.

What was your favourite album/film of the year?

Haider, a new Bollywood film What do you look forward to most in summer?

I’m getting married, so I’m looking forward to my wedding.

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7

Are you dreaming of a white Christmas?

LAURIEN BARKS

YES

As the song suggests, a white Christmas really is the thing dreams are made of.

However, before I get started on this debate in a country who grew up with Christmas barbeques and surfs, I am in no way saying that I dislike the sunshiny festive season that New Zealand has to offer. I’m a huge fan of the sun kissed skin that’s taken the place of frostbite, and the ice cream stops on the way to a pretty cove that you stumbled across while tramping to your campsite. I love the majority of the sandy, salty ‘Christmas season’ just as much as the rest of you born and bred Kiwi-folk do. Buuuuut, when it comes to actual Christmas, the whole 23rd - 26th window...I have to say, I miss the freezing temperatures, the flaky snow, and the deeply intense craving to eat yourself a wondrous little layer of comfort food insulation.

Not only do Christmas carol lyrics make sense (it is possible to go dashing through the snow and ride in a one-horse open sleigh) in a Canadian winter, (or any suitably frosty country, for that matter), there’s a whole other level of warm, festive, family cheer in the air. There’s something about warm fires, hot carby meals, and cinnamon spiced beverages that put the soul in a fuzzily jolly state of mind. Y’all know what I’m talking about. That overwhelming feeling of contentment that comes with cuddling indoors on a rainy day, or the smell of freshly baked cookies when it’s too cold to go outside...it’s much the same over the course of a white Christmas, but amplified.

Nothing compares to the look of fairy lights against a snow-trimmed house, or the feeling of a snowflake that’s attached itself to one of your eyelashes. I know I’m swelling with overdramatic enthusiasm and admiration for the wonders of a white Christmas...but it deserves each and every bit of mush and gush. Snowball fights followed by hot chocolate or milky chai, board games by the fire on Christmas eve, and drawing giant penis’ in the thick frost of the living room window that faces the street …if that’s not magic, I don’t know what is.

A cold white Christmas enables the creation of snowmen, snow forts and snow angels. There are hours of fun to be had on snow mobiles, toboggans, and a hideously dangerous (but, oh so fun) combination of the two. Snow piles become a canvas for tunnel-forts, and icicles take on the role of ‘Tip Top,’ despite how many times Mum says that they’re filthy and not for licking. Everything from cardboard boxes to plastic grocery bags become make-shift sleds for wicked awesome hills that you stumble across in your icy adventures. The lakes become ice rinks, and the super fluffy flour-like snow becomes an opportunity to shove a handful of it down the back of your brother’s ski-pants. Sure, the cold usually prevents you from staying outside for more than an hour or two, but when it’s time to go inside you’re not even mad.

Because inside, the joy does nothing but continue! Mum’s baking the small lemon tartlets, shortbread, and butterscotch fudge that only graces your taste buds at this time of the year, and the carols blasting from the stereo seem to make the treats taste even better (if that’s possible). The fires roaring, and evenings are riddled with The Grinch That Stole Christmas, It’s a Wonderful Life, and Miracle on 34th Street, while snow falls outside the windows, and the trimmed Christmas tree provides the only source of light.

While baches are fantastic for summer adventures, cabins are really where it’s at for Christmas getaways. Traditional, made-of-logs, bear skin rug, and a closet full of shot guns. While I’m the last person on earth who’d condone the guns or any kind of animal hide as décor…I’ve got to say, somehow in the heart of a white Christmas, these pioneer-esque options just seem right. A cosy log cabin in the middle of a snow-dusted forest is, perhaps, one of the quaintest perks of a white Christmas.

So while, on most any given day, I prefer my hair tousled with salt, and sand stuck to my legs, when it comes to that small Christmas window, I’ve got to say that big fluffy scarves and fleecy onesies are greatly missed. I’m dreaming of a four-day white Christmas. Where I can skate instead of swim, crave mulled wine instead of beer, and have all the cuddles without being told ‘it’s too hot.’ In my opinion, that kind of Christmas will always take the cinnamon-spiced cake.

MATTHEW CATTIN “Christmas on the beach, Christmas on the beach Pack your picnic hamper up we're gonna have a feast Underneath the huge Pohutukawa tree Christmas on the beach” – classic Kiwi Christmas carol.

NO

While the northern hemisphere bleated songs about mistletoe, haunted/enchanted snowmen, and relatives being killed by reindeer, my family sung of warm sun, white sands, and camping under the stars. Winter Christmas may be the ‘classic’ idea of Christmas, but that shit is overrated.

Picture this. It’s Christmas morning in London.

You wake up to a complete white out, a thick blanket of snow covers the ground outside. You run downstairs, partly out of excitement, but also because your feet are cold. The family is sitting around the tree already, the fire is blazing. You all open your presents. “Oh fabulous! A new skateboard,” you gush to your parents, “I can’t wait to try it in six months’ time!”

After the presents are unwrapped and stored away until it’s warm enough to play with them, you gather around the home phone to call the family.

Unfortunately, the heavy snow overnight has damaged the lines, and power is out in thousands of homes. That’s alright, you think, they’ll all be around for dinner and you can catch up then!

Five o’clock comes around, after a boring day stuck indoors, and the roads are still closed, meaning the relatives couldn’t leave the house. The power isn’t back on yet, so mum fixes some sandwiches for dinner. At 6:30, your aunt Mavis calls with some terrible news. Your Uncle Bill has had a horrific skiing accident and broken his neck. He died instantly.

As your family reels in grief, you hear carollers singing Silent Night at your door.

Your father wipes aside his tears and gets up to shoo them away.

“Merry fucking Christmas,” he cries into his cold eggnog.

I must admit, I have never experienced a white Christmas, but I have been to the snow plenty, and I just can’t see the appeal of celebrating the year’s best holiday in the freezing cold.

My typical Christmas is this… I wake up to the sound of the ocean and the gulls. I scramble out of the tent, down the bank, and plunge into the sea for my morning dip. I then head into my parent’s tent and wake them with my brothers. We open presents, visit our relatives in their tents, and then get a few barbeques fired up for a cooked breakfast; Mum’s legendary scrambled eggs, bacon, sausages, fried banana and apple, crepes, fruit salad, and all topped off with a glass of bubbly. With the sun high in the sky, we get into the day, go for a surf, dive or fish, and then head back to prepare the dinner – usually a roast leg of lamb or turkey with vegetables, summer salads, and multiple desserts.

Having spent every Christmas holiday of my life living out of a tent, I can’t comprehend spending it in a house, you know, with solid walls and a roof. I can’t imagine going outside on a Christmas morning in anything other than bare feet.

And then there is New Year’s, a holiday that goes hand in hand with Christmas.

What do northerners even do for New Years? Do they hole up in pubs and drink away their sorrows? Or do they hit up the town in trench coats and mittens? Sounds exciting…

Nope. I just don’t get the fuss about a white Christmas, and that’s not just because it sounds racist. I’m sure my views are unpopular with the vast majority, but in New Zealand, we have a unique Christmas, like no other place in the world. It’s a time of jandals, pavlova with fresh strawberries, camping at the beach, crayfish and snapper, pohutukawa blossoms and beer. Our traditions are mostly our own, and I think that’s pretty damn special - I’d trade the snow for surf, snowmen for sandcastles, and mulled wine for a cold beer any day.

Ten Super Cool Things to do This Summer

by Kieran Bennett Summer is a wonderful time; it’s warm, it’s sunny and there are little to no obligations. This means you’re going to have a lot of free time, not too much, but enough. I love summer myself, so here’s a little collection of my favourite things to do in this most wonderfully, burny, sweaty time of year.

1) Go to the Beach Ah, the beach. Sun, sand, surf and more sand. The beauty of the beach is that it’s so varied. I mean, I can get sand stuck in my crotch or my ear.

Or, if I feel particularly adventurous, I can get burnt in a variety of places.

After all of this of course, there’s the most sacred of New Zealand rituals; the post-beach wash. It just wouldn’t be summer without having to scrub off a three inch thick layer of salt under a freezing cold trickle of water.

Just kidding, the beach is fantastic. There’s swimming, there’s drying yourself, more swimming, rolling in the sand and then washing off the sand and swimming some more. What could be better?

2) Eat Ice-cream Nothing really says ‘summer’ quite like forking over your life savings for a small tub of frozen dairy goodness. Some of my best memories are going down to my grandparents’ bach, not having a whole lot to do and just deciding to go and get an ice-cream. Why? Because kids love sweet dairy products that’s why. They’re cold, they taste good and there is something immensely satisfying about struggling to lick those few rouge trails of ice-cream that melt down the side of the cone. Heck, if the day is going well enough, there’s even a little bit of humour to be found in dropping the ball of ice-cream on the ground. But also tears.

3) Have an Outdoor BBQ (With Mosquitos) The pleasant warmth of summer can only be enhanced by the smell of burning food, so why not have a barbeque? The days are longer (ridiculously so in January) so busting out some kind of outdoor cooking thing and inviting some people over is a top idea. You can impress everyone with your keen ability to set fire to a sausage and make a fairlyedible potato salad. If you don’t own an outdoor cooking thing, have a barbeque in spirit. Invite people around and cook inside instead. Whether it's outside or inside, make sure to wear a singlet or short sleeve though, no barbeque is complete without a whole host of mosquito bites.

4) Read a Book Outside Until You Burn No friends? No food? Maybe you’re just not hungry. Instead of having a giant cook out, just read a book in the sun. Relax, unwind and cast yourself off into your favourite literary world while soaking up some rays. To really get that summer feeling maybe grab your favourite cool beverage and sip it nonchalantly. Whatever your reading or sipping preference is I find the best way to get the summer experience is to stay out reading for so long that you end up burnt to a crisp. That way, you end up staying inside reading for the rest of the summer. Also, who doesn’t love smearing themselves in aloe vera for weeks on end?

5) Go to a Concert One of sad facts of life in New Zealand is that our winters are full of rain and cold. They don’t make for particularly great concert weather. So when summer hits, make sure to check out Groove Guide, Rip it Up or the internet and find out what gigs are on. If you can’t afford the big ones, (and really, who can afford $300 to stand outside Vector and listen from the sidewalk?) then look around for the smaller ones. There are about 46 million pubs in Auckland alone and most of them play live music once a week. So get out there and have a listen to a whole bunch of really substandard bands. I guarantee that one good one will make it all worth it.

6) Do Nothing This one might seem a little obvious, but it's really important. No, seriously.

There is something to be said for just sitting around and doing nothing.

And I really do mean nothing. Just letting your mind wander and not focusing on anything is incredibly relaxing and can actually be beneficial to your health. Heck, you should probably do it every day this summer. Just spend your entire four month break sitting on the couch, staring at a piece of drywall. Your brain will be clean as a whistle by the end.

7) Work a Crappy Minimum Wage Job So this one probably isn’t one of my top things to do in the holidays, or really one of the top things in any holidays. Nor is it one of my favourite things to do at any point in the year. However, it can be fun. But also depressing. Working a terrible job for a very small amount of money isn’t the most self-esteem building of experiences, but it can teach you about bad working conditions, customer service and about the value of money.

You can meet some really cool people and have a bit of fun, but also you can get a little experience and a little money.

8) Plan a Board Game Day Board games are amazing. Not sure what else I can say here, there are some seriously amazing board games out today, and some of them don’t even involve having to compete against each other. Crank a few tunes, make a few snacks and bust out the board games. Instant day of fun and excitement. Now, for those of you currently rolling your eyes, all I can say is don’t knock it till you try it.

9) Have a Picnic Potentially more of my girlfriend’s jam than mine, but loading up a bag with some non-perishable food and taking it to a place and then eating it is a fairly classic summer activity. Some people may say that it's like having a barbeque, but without the cooking. How wrong they are. Just as a barbeque isn’t just about the grill, a picnic isn’t just about the bag of food and the comfy blanket. It’s about where you go and who you go with. It’s also about spilling a large amount of food on yourself in a desperate effort to eat on the ground and then inevitably knocking your cup over too and spilling your drink everywhere too. Good times.

10) Look Forward to Going Back To School/Work/Unemployment Hahaha, just kidding.

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Movember:

The Moustached Movement for Men.

By Matthew Cattin Last year, I grew my first beard. It’s something I have always wanted to attempt, and working in an office full of glorious facial hair, I figured I ought to get in there while I’m in a job that not only allows facial hair, but thrives on it.

I’m not sure what inspired the decision to commit my jaw to a stubbly sentence… I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror giving myself a haircut one evening, about to shave off a week’s growth, when I thought to myself, you know what? Let’s shape this mofo and rock a beard for a while – see what happens.

Not participating in Movember this year isn’t really an option for me – not that I mind of course. The reason I can’t opt out however, is because I share an office with Carl Ewen, nine year mo-bro and two-time Auckland Man of Movember. His passion for the movement is infectious, inspiring, and he’s also a lot bigger than me, so come November first, I’ll be shaving my face into a blank canvas, ready for the month of the mo. I asked him a few questions about his favourite time of year, Movember, to hopefully inspire y’all to give it a go this year.

That same sense of support and community is exactly what I experienced last November. As a first year MoBro, I was a little nervous, a little hesitant, and a lot excited to be a part of a movement, a member of the wolf pack. I quickly discovered an unspoken sense of comradery between mo-growers, a knowing smile exchanged on the street, or a nod of approval for a stranger’s lip warmer. I also discovered just how generous people can be – friends and family opened their wallets to the cause and by the end of the month, my moustache helped raise over 500 dollars for men’s health.

Being a part of Movember does not mean simply changing your grooming rituals – oh no, that is merely the face of the movement. To be a MoBbro is to sign up to the charity and use your moustache as a weapon to raise awareness and money for men’s health issues.

Thankfully, becoming affiliated in the pack is incredibly easy - just head to nz.movember.com and sign up. From there on in, anybody keen to donate to your magnum mo-pus can do so easily on the website, and you’re not stuck following up promised donations as with the famine. Genius.

Have you got any tips for mo growth?

Don’t shave. Moisturise. Get active. Do manly things like cut wood and be active.

Who are your mo heroes?

Nick Offerman, Hulk Hogan, and my Dad. He’s been rocking his mo for over 40 years and it is a stunning chopper mo. He is the reason I am so follicly strong.

For three months I let myself grow wild. Having never gone more than a week or two without shaving before, it was a totally new and exciting experience. There were so many new sensations to be had… Running my fingers through it, having countless babes run their fingers through it, having to dry it after showers and swims, and of course, having the wind whip through it like a spring afternoon breeze in a lush field of wheat.

In my facial fuzz journey, I was never alone.

Being one of the first lads in my friend group to make a long term commitment to a beard, I was constantly encouraged and – if sometimes jealously – complimented. In a way I felt like a surrogate mother, growing a fluff child on my face to fulfil the dreams of my masculinitydeprived friends. They took an interest in its progress, becoming as attached to it as it was to me, and when I eventually shaved it off on November first, to take part in my first Movember, we all felt the loss of a good friend.

What would you say to the people that say, “ohhhh but I can’t grow a good mo”? There is no reason not to do Movember. It doesn’t matter the standard of your growth. When you sign up to Movember you are joining a brotherhood. You are a part of it no matter the mo you can grow. Just sign up, join a team and you will get the support to make every hair you grow on your face make a difference.

Do you have any general tips for any first year MoBros?

Signing up as part of a team is easier than running along as a lone wolf. Get supported by those around you. The more people you have in your corner growing alongside you the better.

Since it’s focused on men’s health, many women don’t realise they too can be involved. Could you tell me a bit about MoSistas?

A supportive girlfriend is not the one who 'allows' you to grow a moustache for Movember, but the one who wants you to. MoSistas are able to support Movember by supporting MoBros with a word of encouragement or even Photos by Zandy J Photography just a smile to help their partners, colleagues and those around them. They seek to inspire You won Auckland Man of Movember with those around them by raising awareness and Hulk Mogan (2012) and Iron Mo (2013)… funds for the cause.There is no limit to what a Can you give us any clues for this year’s costume? MoSista can do to help the cause.

Come on Matthew you know me better than that. My gala costume is usually a well keep secret, but as always I’ll be putting in a monster effort!

What makes you so passionate about Movember?

Helping to change the face of men’s health is the main part of it. I have male members of my immediate and extended family that have been affected by cancer and mental illness and these are two extremely important factors in men’s health that need to be focused on.

It’s also great to be a part of the biggest men’s health charity in the world, just seeing the growing statistics each year with more and more people getting involved and more money being raised globally brings a tear to my eye every time.

I also love that feeling when you see others growing for Movember and you get chatting.

Talking and starting conversations is one of the greatest things about Movember. We are the agents of change.

Is there anything else you would shave your facial hair off for, other than Movember?

Nothing. I always have facial hair. I wouldn’t shave it off for weddings or anything. I am lucky that I have a very supportive lady who loves me growing my facial hair and loves being involved in Movember - she is a registered and amazing MoSista.If your lady doesn’t support you taking part in Movember and wants you to lose the slug on your lip, lose the lady cause she isn’t the right woman.

So whether your five o’clock shadow appears the day you shave, or a week later, why not grow a mo for the month, and see how you get on. If you’re not keen to mo it alone, head to nz.movember.com, and search ‘The AuSM Mo’s’ to join our team - the mo’ the merrier. To keep up with Man of Movember Carl Ewen’s moustache progress this year, head to www.mobro.co.nz or hit up his Facebook page.

Peace out, good luck, and may the mo be with you.

11

Photo Seema Krishnakumar

KIDS THINK THE DARNDEST THINGS

By Laurien Barks I’m still at that grey-area age where being referred to as a lady, seems ridiculous. I’m not talking the classy definition of lady, (lord knows there’ll never be an age where I meet those kinds of requirements), but the mature, womanly definition.

At some point over the last year, I seem to have hit another puberty-type transition, and it’s suddenly become the norm for parents with toddlers to refer to me as ‘that lady’ or ‘nice lady’ when speaking to them. This is incredibly strange to me because in no way do I think of myself as being a lady. Ladies have a certain level of maturity. Not biological maturity, necessarily, but status nonetheless. Ladies have financial security, ladies have houses, ladies have a husband and children, and I can’t help but feel that if these toddlers’ parents knew about my arts degree and chronically single condition, they wouldn’t be able to help but use another title. Not that I’d have a problem with that.

Being called a lady feels like the universe telling me to hurry the hell up and be a grown up. And I don’t care for it. Because I recognize how much I actually have grown up over the years, and how many awesome childish beliefs have been sacrificed in the name of work, relationships, and paying for my own groceries.

Heck, I’d hate to imagine myself sacrificing what chilled-outlook and naiveté I have left in order to truthfully personify the term of ‘lady’. I sincerely hope it takes a ridiculously long time for me to get rid of the cringe reflex that accompanies the word.

So as a tribute to my inner child, I present to you, the beliefs that got lost in the aging process.

A collection of the self-affirmed rules that made my young world go round. I’ve also spoken to a few pals to hear how far they’ve come since the childlike wonder was tarnished by pimples and broken hearts, in hopes that it serves as a reminder to whip out the polish every now and then, and keep that wondrous naiveté as stain-free as possible. May we never find ourselves flooring it on the dark twisty road to ‘Ladydom’ (or the male equivalent).

­Santa Clause

Ah, Santa. The ultimate lie that we decorate with enough fake magic and reindeer fluff that it actually renders acceptable for us to wield as a tool of deceit in the face of our children. I find that my Santa belief is a bit of a twist on the classic leavecookies-out-for-a-make-believe-jolly-man cliché, because I learned that Santa didn’t exist before my fourth birthday. I didn’t really get to experience the whole childlike-wonder thing in the traditional sense, because I knew it was just my dad. Where the twist comes in is that, the only logical way in which my father could be Santa, was if he had a secret Santa costume stashed away somewhere that he put on and stuffed with pillows (because he’s a slim man, lacking in the cookie-cushion department), and wandered into the lounge on Christmas Eve to give us our presents. The thought that my dad put presents in our stockings without wearing a hat to boot Santa get-up didn’t even cross my mind. It just wasn’t logical reasoning… “If Dad is my own personal Santa, he had better damn-well look the part.”

– Laurien’s thoughts (four-years-old).

Where do babies come from?

Thanks to the arrival of a little brother just two and a half years into my existence, the words ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ have been a part of my vocabulary for a good 90 per cent of my life. Their function, however, was a mystery for a lot longer. When I asked the question that every parent waits for, my mother told me that all you have to do is ask for a baby. Again, thanks to the little bro, I was aware that the gestation period for new life was lengthy, I knew it wasn’t a matter of asking for a baby one minute, and having one the next (I wasn’t a fool), so I just assumed a tiny little foetus kind of apparated into a mother’s tummy whenever she asked. “#Instafoetus.” – Laurien’s thoughts (three-years-old) Being an ambitious kind of gal, I naturally grew tired of my little brother a few months after his birth, so decided I would ask for a sister on my mother’s behalf. The fact that she never showed up was one of my first indicators that there might be a function for private bits that goes beyond identification and urinating.

Being an Adult

I don’t really know when this belief started out, but I would have sworn on my four year old life that adults spoke a different language when they conversed with each other. I thought they used one to speak to kids, and one to speak to adults, so whenever my parents were talking to friends at the dinner table or grocery store, I just tuned the heck out because I figured I wouldn’t be able to understand it if I tried. In my head, it was an acquired language, one that you grew into eventually. I was simply waiting my turn.

­Career

I held onto the ‘You can do anything’ reassurance for a lot longer than I probably should have. I mean, sure I still believe it to an extent, I think if you work hard enough you can achieve a hell of a lot, but it was different when I was a child. I sincerely believed that I would work out how to fly one day, like Peter Pan ideally, but I’d get wings if I had to. The same rule applied to a career. I figured I’d probably be at my happiest if I owned a socks and underwear store, but went into space on the weekends because I was also going to be an astronaut. It’s a bit sad when career options like that die as time carries on. ‘Something in English or writing’ just doesn’t have the same ring as ‘Space traveller/retail manager.’

Love and Marriage

My mother instilled me with a lot of beliefs when it came to this topic. In an endearingly desperate attempt to keep me pure of heart, she informed me from a young age that kissing a boy on the lips before we were married was bad. Having no reason to think she was lying, I went on to be scarred repeatedly by cartoons and films that had characters kissing at the end because, “bitch please, either I missed the wedding scene, or the two of you are filthy whorish animals.” –Laurien’s thoughts (five-years-old) When it came to marriage, my mum was equally protective. When young Laurien approached her in a state of concern and asked who she was going to marry, Mum replied with ‘don’t worry, I’ll find you a husband.’ So I wandered the streets believing that it was out of my hands, that my mum would find me a nice boy to woo me and make me the happiest girl in the world, so I could eventually live happily ever after. “You really dropped the ball on that one, Mum.” – Laurien’s thoughts (20.5-years-old).

things my peeps had to say: Cameron: “Until I was about nine or ten, I thought that all women wore thongs and pads/other ‘lady products’ were designed to make the thongs more comfortable.”

Urooza: “I believed that if you put your hand out of a car window, then a man came with a hacksaw and chopped it off (thanks for the gory upbringing, Mum).”

Geneva: “We have a really big front garden, and I can’t remember what age my sister and I were, but we believed that fairies were living in our garden, so we’d make little houses for them out of leaves and sticks and flowers. One morning after we’d built one house on the lawn, we went outside and there were two marshmallow eggs sitting by the house as a thank you from the fairies.”

Steven: “I believed that all my stuffed animals had very distinct personalities and that they needed to be treated specially and tucked in and treated well. When they were on the floor when I woke in the morning, it was because, I assumed, they had been walking around at night time, and I had simply woken up before they could get back into bed!”

Amelia: "At the house I grew up in, right down the bottom of our garden was a strip of bush that my parents used to call ‘The Fairy Forest’ (I still refer to it this way in my head, we never gave it any other name). There were these little knots in heaps of the trees and I thinkit it was my auntie who told me first that they were ‘fairy doors.’ I used to write the fairies letters and nail them up (yeah, nail them up…so ruthless) above the knots and then they/my parents would respond the next morning. Mum smeared glitter glue all over the poor wee trees too so they looked magical and informed me that the fairies at our house lived on a steady diet of broccoli and jelly crystals."

Kieran: “The belief that I held onto the longest, and perhaps still do in some ways, is that I would receive my Hogwarts letter when I turned 11. Cliché, but true. I was an enormous Harry Potter fan when I was younger. Enormous isn’t even a large enough to describe my passion for all things Potter. I had the books, the shirt, the game, the lunchbox, the board game, the cup and the endless font of Harry Potter knowledge. So it makes sense that I thought that when I turned 11 I would get my letter, right? Of course as I got closer to actually being 11, I swiftly realised that my letter would not be arriving. Nevertheless when my 11th birthday arrived there was still some small part of me that held out hope there would be a small brown envelope in the letter box. That part of it seems to resurface every birthday.”

Campbell: “I guess one of the funny things I thought when I was younger was that people grew a little bit every year until they died.

Also that married couples grew more similar looking from kissing.”

Matthew: “I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, but up until just a few years ago, I thought that polytechnic institutions were strictly for Polynesians. I guess it was a combination of the ‘poly’ in the name and the fact every polytechnic ad I saw on television featured Polynesian people. Oops.”

Ramina: "When I was little, my brothers told me that my head had fallen off while I was sleeping, but they had glued it back on for me.

I wept out of pure horror, because I didn't like the idea of having a glued on head. It was a while until I realised that it wasn't true."

13

A B R E AT H O F F R E S H A I R AN AIR SPORTS EXPOSÉ

By Laurien Barks and Matthew Cattin Back in my college days, I was a bit of a queen when it came to the annual lip sync competition. So it comes as no surprise that I’m a fan of anything that involves miming a skill and having someone more talented than you dub over your inadequacies in a way that still manages to earn you praise. That stuff is right up my alley. Air bands, air guitar, lip sync…if it’s a musical talent that doesn’t actually involve any musical talent, I think it’s pretty darn fabulous. However, apart from knowing about their existence, I realized that I didn’t actually know a whole lot about larger scale air competitions. And all it took was an accidental stumbling in the internet to reveal that I didn’t actually know a whole lot when it came to ‘existence’ either. So Matthew and I figured our collective ignorance would be a great opportunity to dig up some info, talk to a few air artists, and give you guys the scoop on two of the coolest air competitions that you’ll ever come across.

AIR GUITAR HERO

by Matthew Cattin The craze that started it all - air guitar - has been around since the dawn of rock and roll. In 1958, youngsters hid away in their rooms with Johnny B. Goode blaring from their gramophones, doing the Chuck Berry and scuffing their carpet, much to the distress of their conservative mothers. In 1967, a new wave of air enthusiasts held their O2-axes behind their heads, played with their teeth, and used imaginary lighter fluid and faux flames to pay tribute to god-among-men Jimi Hendrix.

The 70s opened up a whole new world for air guitarists with epic performance pieces Stairway to Heaven, Smoke on the Water, Free Bird, and of course, Van Halen’s Eruption, and the 80s brought with it the hair metal extravagance of Guns N’ Roses, Mötley Crüe and Twisted Sister. It wasn’t until ’96, however, that air guitar was finally recognised as an official sport with the first world championship in Finland – an event which has been held annually ever since. I spoke to air guitar aficionado Louis Ewen about his experiences with the sport and his trip to Finland to compete in the 2009 world championships.

While many struggle to learn the basics, Louis was lucky enough to be born with a natural talent for making an air guitar squeal like a pleasured woman. “At first I liked it because it’s how I usually dance anyway after a few beers,” he says, modest to a fault.

In 2008, Louis entered his first air guitar competition. His brother Carl alerted him to the event, after discovering not enough people were brave/talented enough to enter, and having barely any preparation, Louis decided to head along and give it a crack. He placed rather well, and was inspired to go all out for the 2009 nationals.

There is a misplaced conception out there that air guitarists are merely fan boys who wish they could play a real guitar but lack the talent. While this is true of some air guitarists, Louis is a talented guitarist, singer and songwriter, and has fronted several bands. So why compete in air guitar? “I can pretend to play guitar better than I can play it,” laughs Louis. “I’ve always had confidence on stage, but with air guitar, you can completely let loose without worrying about fucking up.”

As his stage persona Randy Reaper, Louis took out the 2009 New Zealand nationals, and then headed to Canberra to compete in the semis. He placed second in Australasia, earning himself a spot in the world championships in Oulu, Finland.

The atmosphere, Louis tells me, was incredible. Around 25 finalists from around the world, complete with their entourages, all mingling, celebrating and enjoying the festivities of the world’s greatest air competition. They even found time to chill out and enjoy an air band evening where rivals got together, each picked an instrument, and performed together over a few beersies.

The competition was fierce, but Louis struck gold with a performance that earned him the ranking of fifth best air guitarist in the whole damn world - not bad for a fella who only picked up the instrument a year prior.

So what’s next for Louis? Well he’s all set to compete in next year’s world champs and will be returning to Oulu in August to compete in the Dark Horse round for a chance to enter directly into the finals. Louis, I salute you… Fingers crossed you don’t break a string.

S H O W M E Y O U R O2 FA C E

by Laurien Barks Late one night when I was browsing my internet feed, my attention was nabbed immediately by a link to a video entitled ‘Air Sex.’ Um…hello! I wouldn’t be me, if I didn’t take the opportunity to dive right into that eyecatching title and leave it exhausted, sweaty, and breathless. I cautiously clicked on that link, preparing myself for…I don’t know? Air-born genitals? ‘It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a penis?’

Folks, an underground world exposed itself to me that day. On my computer screen arose something so bizarrely strange, my curiosity was screaming for a deeper investigation. Air sex, similar to air guitar, is the act of having sex without any…props (in most cases, this means a second person). People get up on state (fully clothed, I might add), and compete against each other when it comes to their sexual technique with imaginary partners. Research into the subject has informed me that foreplay and enthusiasm hold the majority of importance when it comes (no pun intended) to competition points (and real life points, let’s be honest).

The judging squad for these competitions usually consists of a colourful mixture of comedians, sex shop owners, and porn stars, and the National Championships in the states usually take place around December. The top dog gets rewarded with a trophy, air sex bragging rights, and whatever prizes Fleshlight has donated. The competitions tend to double as comedy acts, so the competitors, judges and host, Chris Trew, do some touring around bars, comedy clubs, as well as theatres and festivals around the states, in hopes of boosting this unique hobby’s popularity.

Trew most definitely isn’t shy when it comes to his preferred ‘sport,’ and says that “It’s the most fun, most interesting, most informative comedy show on the planet.”

He claims it’s improved his sex life, he’s “much more into sex now,” and as for his wife, well, “She loves it. When she’s not judging the show, she’s in the crowd like all the other smart, funny, interesting people.”

From what I’ve seen, the word ‘interesting’ is definitely no understatement. If the trailer for the upcoming Air Sex documentary is anything to go by, there are most definitely some moves out there that only the most interesting people could come up with. I asked Trew if he had a favourite move to perform and he didn’t disappoint.

“Pulling my hair while pulling her hair while screaming like a gorilla. I call it the Chris Trew.”

As hard as it may be to believe from what I’ve learned and regurgitated about Air Sex so far, is that there are a few misconceptions and frowny faces when it comes to the subject. Trew says people assume that the participants in Air Sex “are ‘forever alone’ or ‘can’t get laid.’ That’s the worst thing we hear and the most inaccurate. The people who perform Air Sex are full of confidence. You, know, the opposite of people who accuse Air Sex of being for losers.”

As it turns out, whether you’re creative with imaginary guitar strings or g-strings, there’s an air competition out there for you. Not only is the growing popularity of these crazes granting more and more opportunities for touring and travel, but it’s one hella cool excuse to get on a stage and nail it (sometimes literally) without the fear of your fingers letting you down. A breath of fresh air, if you ask me.

15

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17

S U M M E R ' S CO M I N G

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GET AMONGST!

IT'S A CROSSWORD ABOUT MUSICALS

ACROSS 1) A musical devoted to the superior pet 8) The monthly or weekly bane of every student’s life 9) Everything’s allowed on this cruise ship 10) Playing instruments on top of houses 11) Controversial rock musical of the 1960’s 12) The most amazing book of Jesus Christ and America a long, long time ago 13) Hard knock life for an orphan ginger 14) Hamlet with big cats 15) Everybody sings, everybody rebels and everybody dies

DOWN 1) Third longest running musical about prohibition and all that jazz 2) Masked ghost stalks the theatre 3) Four guys under a streetlamp from Belleville 4) The hills are alive 5) Only musical performed on rollerblades 6) The real story of the witches of OZ 7) Tell me more, tell me more, like, does he have a car?

19

UPDATES Thank You! That’s a wrap on debate for 2014!

AuSM would like to say a big thanks to Matthew, Laurien and Kieran for producing such a fantastic year of debate, and our designer Ramina for making it look fabulous!

AuSM Survey 2014 Have you filled out the online survey yet? Help us make AuSM even better next year. There are heaps of amazing prizes for you to win. $100 Gordon Harris voucher, $50 voucher from Huffer, Cosmetic gift packs and a Logitech Cooling Pad. It takes less than 5mins to complete the survey.

Visit now. http://bit.ly/AuSMSurvey2014

AusM 2015 Student Representative Council Voting Open 1st– 7th November It’s almost time to select your Student Representative Council for 2015.

Remember to check your AUT email for the link to the voting website this Saturday. Make sure your voice is heard!

2014 AuSM Award If you know a lecturer or AUT staff member who is pretty awesome, it’s time to nominate them for an AuSM Award!

AuSM Movember Competition – Snap a pic!

We are almost ready to start Movember, and we would love to have you to join us too. Drop in to the City Campus office, ask to use the inflatable Moustache to snap a selfie and share it on our Facebook page or Instagram by using #ausm_moustache. Make sure you also tag @ausm_aut. Lots of prizes to be won. Competition closes 30th November.

Join our AuSM Mo Team at http://bit.ly/AuSMMo

More info at www.ausm.org.nz or follow the quick link: http://bit.ly/AuSMAwardNominate Nominations close on 13th November.

PREZ SEZ Hey AuSMer’s , This is the final debate magazine of the year! Where has the time gone?

I swear we just had our orientation week not so long ago.

Obviously you all are super excited for the Christmas and summer break and have worked so hard the entire year to get to this point. However it’s not over until the final deadline.

So all the late nighters, fat food and energy drinks would have all been worth it amongst these last stages of the year.

To those who are continuing your studies here with us at AUT, I look forward to seeing you next year at the many AuSM events that we have lined up. Please remember that we here at AuSM are here for you and will continue to support you with your university experience.

Those of you who are graduating, you will be missed from campus life. But remember all the skills you have learnt over the years at AUT! These skills will help you with the workforce and hopefully land you the job that you wanted. All the best for your future careers and remember AUTer’s have to stick together. I will see you at graduation!

To those who have continuously read the Prez Sez updates, thank you for your contribution towards the debate magazine. The magazine could not have been worth the time and effort unless you the readers found our magazine worth it.

It’s truly been an amazing year for AuSM and I look forward to 2015 during my second term as president.

AuSM can only go up from here.

I really do wish you all the best with your exams and preparations for your studies.

Love you all and here’s an early Merry Christmas!!!!

Your Prezzy April Xoxo

• Accumulating 100 or more demerit points within two years will result in a three month driver licence suspension.

• If you drive while suspended or disqualified, you’ll face a criminal charge.

• For 3rd and subsequent offences (ones with criminal conviction result), penalty rises significantly for over 20s. Max two years imprisonment, Max $6,000 fine and Mandatory Disqualification of one year or more.

AuSM's ADVOCACY Q&A DRINKING AND DRIVING Hi AuSM AUT students!

Let’s talk about drink driving! It’s important for you to be aware of the limits especially with the upcoming law changes! We hope this keeps ALL AUT STUDENTS safe and out of trouble during the summer break (yes, it IS coming)!

CURRENT LIMITS 1. Under 20s Zero, None, Zilch!

Don’t even think about getting behind the wheels even if you only had a sip.

2. Over 20s 400mcg of alcohol per litre of breath OR 80mg of alcohol per 100ml of blood.

NEW LIMITS – From 01 December 2014 3. Under 20s No change. Zero, None, Zilch!

4. Over 20s 250mcg of alcohol per litre of breath OR 50mg of alcohol per 100ml of blood.

COSTS Well, we’ve all heard and seen it before, right? We know the worst ending to drink driving. It ain’t worth risking your life, or the lives of those that share the road!

0-150mcg / litre of breath 0-30mg / litre of blood Under 20

1. Infringement Fee and/or 2. Demerit Points

251-400mcg / litre of breath 51-80mg / litre of blood

Over 150mcg / litre of breath Over 50mg / litre of blood 1. Criminal Conviction 2. Max 3 months Imprisonment 3. Max Fine $2,250 1. 3 months or more Mandatory Disqualification

Over 400mcg / litre of breath

1. $200 Infringement Fee 2. 50 Demerit Points

BUT this can’t be taken on its face value. It’s because the level of alcohol in your breath/blood can depend on so many different factors, including gender, age, weight, height, how fit you are, the timeframe of alcohol consumption, if you were on an empty stomach etc… There is no one decisive measure to say whether you’re safe or not until you give your name and address to the breathalyser.

Also, bear in mind that alcohol can linger in your system much longer than you might expect. Many appear in the District Court facing Excess Breath/ Blood Alcohol charges as they thought they were okay after a couple of hours, or even right into the next day. If you get pulled up at 9am the next morning after a heavy night out, don’t be surprised if you are still over the limit.

You may feel completely sober after a decent sleep, but alcohol may still be in your system.

Q: My car is impounded, what do I do?

You wake up next morning and everything is slowly coming back. You were stopped by Police on your way back to your flat after a night out in town.

Police asked you to say your name and address into the machine and you were tested positive. You were then asked to do an evidential breath test at the booze bus, which you did. The reading wasn’t good. After this, it’s all bit hazy but somehow you got home but can’t see your car on the driveway where you always park. Two possible scenarios: 1) Your car was immobilised Your car keys were taken off you as you were found to be over the limit, in which case normally 12 hours stand-down period is given. You would have been told for how long the stand-down period is to be. You can recover your key/car once this period is over.

2) Your car was impounded Your car was impounded as you were in trouble (twice) before with drink driving. I.e. this is your 3rd time. Impoundment in this situation is for 28 days.

You can recover your car from the car yard once this period is over and you’ve made payments for towing/storage. These aren’t cheap and this will be on top of any criminal sanction you will face at the Court.

So THINK TWICE before you get behind the wheels.

Note: if you don’t pick-up your car within 10 days from the 28 days, the car yard can apply to NZ Police to have the car disposed to meet their cost for towing/storage. If you don’t want to lose your car, make sure you get in touch with them once the 28 days is over.

END NOTE This column DOESN’T promote drink driving in any way whatsoever.

BEST practice is, if you had ANY alcohol, leave your keys and DON’T DRIVE! This is easiest and safest than trying to keep a tally of how many drinks you had and speculating whether you will still fall under the limit. IT’s NOT WORTH IT!!!

Over 80mg / litre of blood

(from 01/12/14) Over 20

Q: After how many drinks will I still be safe?

There is no one true answer, due to the many variables, although the Institute of Environmental Science and Research (ESR) advise that most adults will be safe under the new limits with up to two standard drinks over two hours. A Standard Drink is (Ministry of Transport, 2014): • 330ml of beer (4% alcohol) or • 100ml of wine (13% alcohol) or • 32ml of spirits (40% alcohol)

1. Criminal Conviction 2. Max 3 months Imprisonment 3. Max Fine $4,500 3. 6 months or more Mandatory Disqualification

If you need basic legal advice on any criminal case you are facing (whichever side you are on), CONTACT US. We are here to help!

Also, we can give you contacts if we can’t fully assist you from our end.

Email us on advocacy@aut.ac.nz with your details and concerns.

This is us for 2014. Wish you well with your exams and See you in 2015!!!! ☺

21

FIRST YEAR FUMBLES

by Amelia Petrovich

It’s almost impossible to believe this is the last magazine issue I’ll be writing for in the year 2014. It seems like a day ago that it was January and I was stumbling around the WG building with no clue where I was, pretending to know exactly what I was doing. Now, the days are getting longer and it is well into October. I’m still stumbling around the WG building, but I’ve lost all the energy it took to fake confidence - I am a typical strung-out, dazed uni student and I’m learning to be real about that. But although some things will never change, my first year at uni has been a landmark one all the same. It didn’t surprise me in the ways one would guess it might - this wasn’t my first year living away from home, nor was it the first year in which I ran on so little sleep that my right eyelid began to twitch of its own accord. Still, my time as a runty first year has taught me a few new and valuable lessons. Maybe you’re a first year reading this and can say the same (or perhaps your rookie days are long behind you, in which case I still urge you to sit back and take a nostalgic, condescending gawk at neophyte naivety).

1. There are a lot of good-looking people on campus, but you will only ever run into them when you’re looking like hell.

I remember at orientation day, some important AUT guru (maybe a chancellor or a student representative or something… clearly my attention to detail was impeccable even pre-semester one) got up onstage and talked about the kind of relationships you make at university. Said guru claimed that some of us might even meet our future husbands or wives in the hallowed halls of our three campuses (giggle, giggle). Like probably so many other first year babies, this message filled me with hope and wild thoughts of a dashing hottie sauntering up to me and chatting about Immanuel Kant or some other brainy thing, then falling desperately in love with me.

Unfortunately, this daydream never came to fruition because the only time I’ve happened upon hot people this year is when I am

makeup-less with circles as dark as Sauron’s soul under my eyes, fresh from my hike up the hill and dewy with sweat. Mmmmm.

2. (Closely related to my first point) You are never going to grow out of pimples.

Ever.

Basically my entire life I’ve been convinced that once I was an adult I would stop being a pizza-faced loser, and also that going to uni would magically render me adult-like and therefore dermatologically flawless. Not so.

Well… sort of so. University-aged pimples don’t seem to hang out in as great a number as high school-aged pimples, but they do like to lull you into a false sense of clear skinned security and then jump on you three at a time before a big presentation.

3. Part time work and full time study is a terrible idea, but also a terrific idea.

Another pearl of orientation week wisdom was the inevitable ‘try not to get a job because uni is hard and you are a full time robot student now’. I say that with a lot of cynicism of course because I am a horribly jaded human being in many facets of life, but they kind of did have a point. Juggling work and study this year has been nuts and has basically meant that I am always working, but that about 20 hours of it a week is paid and the rest is not.

That being said though, sometimes there really is no other option, particularly if you’re the kind of wild child who’s into crazy stuff like, you know, eating at least one-meal every day and paying electricity bills on time. Part time work also introduced me to some of my best Auckland-based buddies who I wouldn’t swap for anything and has taught me really relevant life-skills like how to pick up beans onehanded with a fork and a spoon. Churrr.

4. Course-related Facebook pages are a cancer.

Yes they’re handy for the odd question, but mainly they are ginormous stress machines in which you compare and judge your work

against all the random rumours and junk flitting around in cyber-space. One particular Facebook group I belonged to circulated the claim that exam essays didn’t need to reference theorists, which was basically the most helpful and least confusing thing ever.

Also, if I ever read another post about whether or not tutors will mind if you print in black and white/write with a purple pen/use Arial instead of Times New Roman/take notes in the blood of your vanquished foes or whatever I seriously will cry.

5. Living in a city apartment does not mean you will be on time for lectures.

Living in a city apartment really means that you chose a flat to cater specifically to your own inherent laziness, and therefore should never be expected to show up with more than two minutes to spare for anything ever. Yes, over the course of the year I have become ‘that girl’, possibly now infamous for my apologetic 9am journo lecture entrances.

6. Friends are cyclic.

Gone are the days of solid cliques and long-lasting social groups. It’s no worries though, because as soon as one cool buddy meanders out of your busy life another cool buddy enters it and decides to chill on your table during tutorial classes. Win-win, am I right?

All the friends!

7. You are no longer too young for hangovers.

Hell frickin’ no you’re not. Don’t you dare think you can go out and assault your body with substances on an empty stomach! And mark my words, in the morning you’d best get on that oats and water buzz like it’s absolutely no one’s business or you’ll incur the frenzied wrath of your own alco-bile… Not that I’d know, of course.

A LETTER TO FIRST YEAR KIERAN Dear First Year Kieran, Hello. I guess that’s a pretty good start. Firstly, yes it is very exciting that you have started university. It won’t always be exciting, but most of the time it is. Also, yes, it is a very good idea to start writing for debate; you’ll get a job later. Of course, being me, you’ll be wondering why I’m actually writing to you. Well, technically I’m not, but let’s not let semantics get in the way. I’m in third year at the moment, the last two weeks technically, and it seemed like a good time to take a moment to reflect on the last three years because I’ll be darned if you haven’t learned a lot.

Let’s start with university. Was it worth it? Of course it was. I mean, you threw down $18,000 for this so you’re going to justify it no matter what I say. But it really was. You learnt a lot of filmy, communicationey, practical things that will no doubt help you in your long, illustrious career. More importantly though, you had a shit load of fun. I’m not going to descend into the cliché of ‘the best years of your life’, because that would be an overly bold claim.

They were pretty darn good years though, so any visions you might have (and I know you do) of yourself hunched over piles of books for hours on end can be thrown out partially right now. Yes, partially.

Sorry, but even though you’re doing a ‘practical’ degree, there’s still a lot of theory. Yes it is vastly unfair, and yes it’s a giant pain in the ass.

Now I’m guessing you want a few tips? Starting university is quite nerve-wracking isn’t it? Especially since no one seems capable of actually telling you how to do university. I won’t claim that it’s easy, or that there’s just one simple trick that doctors will hate you for knowing. It is hard, but not as soul and life-destroying as your tutors are going to make it out to be. I would highly advise you to actually read the handbook for your papers. No, seriously, they’re not a collection of drivel and crap, they’ll help you. They have the assignment due dates in them and all kinds of useful information.

Also, and I’m probably wasting my time with this one because goodness knows I never listened to it, but start your assignments early. There we go, now that I’ve said it, you can ignore me and think you know better. It’s okay, I would have done the same.

As for the specifics, there are a few, but they’re important. In first year, make sure you sign up to be on the committee for the AUT Performing Arts Club. On the plus side you’ll make some great friends and have a good time. On the downside you’ll come to realise how horrifically frustrating doing anything by committee is.

Democratic, yes. Efficient, no. You’ll have some fun nights where you get to perform, but equally there will be a few sorry afternoons where you want to poke your eye out with a pen. As horrible as it sounds, it's all part of the learning experience.

I would also advise you to take New Zealand politics as a paper. I was shoved into it by accident and by the time I realised what had happened it was too late. But it’ll make you interested in politics and the assignments are incredibly easy. You literally get 20 per cent of your final mark from doing an essay plan.

In second year, organise the ball for communications. It will be one of the biggest, most stressful mistakes of your life and there will be a moment where you are at risk of suddenly finding yourself $4000 in debt. You will cry, people will abuse you and overall it will make you miserable. But, at the end of it all you will have learned a lot about event organising and the capacity of people to be total assholes.

But the biggest thing I need you to take away from all of this is that the future is irrelevant. For three years you will have all kinds of people breathing down your neck and telling you to get a plan together and sort your life out. They can all piss right off, because honestly, truly, it doesn’t matter one iota. You’re only 19. If you live to be 80, that’s only one quarter of your life, a little soon to start planning out the rest of your days. So relax, talk to people, have fun and don’t worry about the future because while you may learn the difference between aperture and f-stop, you also learn not to worry. Also, in the name of all that is holy please don’t go to the steamed bun truck in second year, four days of food poisoning is not worth saving a few bucks.

Til death do us part, Kieran

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AUT STUDENTS LIGHT UP ART IN THE DARK 2014

By Kate Simmonds This year, two groups of Spatial Design students from AUT are showcasing work at the fifth Art in the Dark light festival. This free event, which saw over 50,000 people attend in 2013, has become a platform for bright Kiwi minds to show off their talents, and a chance for the community to get involved in the art world from the comfort of the city’s own backyard. debate caught up with the groups as they prepared for their big debut at Ponsonby’s Western Park from the 13th – 16th of November.

Clayton (21), Andrew Benjamin Lowe (20), Sokchanarun (Micky) Kong (27)

How did you get selected to exhibit at Art in the Dark?

We were involved in the studio brief ‘InResidence’, led by Andrew Douglas, Sue Gallagher and Eu Jin Chua at the beginning of this semester, focusing on designing a pavilion. From that we developed our designs further, thinking of how the structure could fit within Western Park. We were then put through a process of selection between other ‘InResidence’ Projects. And by luck, we get the opportunity to be part of Art in the Dark 2014.

What does it mean to you to be part of Auckland’s largest festival of light?

It’s a great opportunity for third years to gain real world experience while in their final year. Also to be amongst other artists and designers will no doubt further our passion for design.

What is your installation about and how did you come up with the idea?

Our installation is called The Pixel Pavilion, metaphorically fabricating a vital resource of the AUT City campus by creating a common room made out of cardboard.

Why should people come along and support Art in the Dark?

Art in the Dark is held in a special site with challenging landscapes, making it somewhat of an adventure manoeuvring from installation to installation. The contours of the landscape tend to expose the projects that lie within, revealing the installation’s creativity and integrity. With the range of artists and students from far and wide gathered together, synchronized to create this light fest, it will be a spectacle to witness.

Taejun Lee (20), Taewoo Kang (26), Andy Chae (21)

How did you get selected to exhibit at Art in the Dark?

Celery Productions selected from our studio practice.

The elevation aspect of our structure fit the exhibition as a viewing platform.

What is your installation about and how did you come up with the idea?

Our initial design involved putting a nature aspect in-between concrete walls using bamboo wood. The design was formed by utilizing the elevation of a steep stairway - a micro rollercoaster walkway that leads people off the regular path. From that design we brought it to Western Park with evolved shape of vertical structure. While doing our design research, we found out about a woman called Betty Wark who did great deeds for the Ponsonby community, however was not recognized by people for her work. We want to acknowledge her by setting our structure to extend out of her memorial. Thus naming our project MAHARA as it means 'memory' in Maori. In addition, Art in the Dark involves artists with fascinating light installations which we want to emphasize by providing a higher viewing spot.

Why should people come along and support Art in the Dark?

Even though the exhibition is visited by 50,000 people annually, the event needs more recognition by Aucklanders and visitors of Auckland.

Art in the Dark is unique for its outdoor exhibition and accessibility to everyone at no cost. In addition, graduate and undergraduate students are involved in the event making this exhibition even more special.

STAND STILL LIKE NOBODY'S WATCHING

By Laurien Barks

Last year, I made the mistake of signing up for a dance paper in order to fill the ‘general education’ requirement of my degree. I would like to say that I made the decision under the influence, but unfortunately I was completely sober and must therefore own up to the choice, excuse-free. It might not seem strange to many people initially. “So what? A first year dance paper, no biggie!” Well, we’re not talking about the average person participating in a no-rules-just-begracefully-unstructured dance paper…we’re talking about me; a gal who tripped and simultaneously bruised her leg and elbow on the sidewalk when walking into work last week.

The paper itself was more weird than terrible. On one occasion I was asked to go outside and look at trees for 45 minutes and then come back to class and dance in a way that interpreted how they made me feel. I just twirled my limbs a bit and tried to look tree-like because, to be honest, when I went out to look at trees, I got distracted by the bakery just down the way and went off to eat an apple turnover instead. For the entire semester, this odd nature was the undertone for pretty much every lesson. Over the course of a few weeks I had been instructed to dance in a way that interpreted newspaper headlines, dance in a way that reminded me of one of my favourite people in my life, and on one horrifying occasion, perform an interpretive solo in front of the entire class.

Of course, this class didn’t just consist of dancing in the technical, universally accepted definition of the word. We were taught about all different forms of dance, a lot of which just looked like someone sitting on the floor meditating, or standing completely still with their eyes closed; vertical napping, if you will. We had to do the ‘small dance’ a few times, which involved standing in one place and feeling the way our body had to move in order to keep us balanced. It was cool to actually become aware of how much we move when we’re still, but if you go around calling that dancing, you’re going to have a lot of six feet tall Canadian klutzes wandering around referring to themselves as ‘dancers.’ And that’s just not okay.

When we weren’t ‘dancing’ we were becoming aware of our bodies.

Not in a ‘whoa there’s hair there now?!’ kind of way, more of a ‘feel your breath’ kind of way. Bonding with classmates was incredibly easy in this paper, because before you’d even learned each other’s names, you were being asked to wrap your limbs around each other in a variety of different ways. I had faces pressed to my back, hands stroking my neck, legs wrapped around my torso (I’m not kidding), all in the name of

body and breath awareness. One class, we had to eat different foods with our eyes closed, while a partner essentially spooned us in a sitting position, and placed their hands on our stomach, throat, chest, and gut while we ate and swallowed the food. It was supposed to bring awareness to our digestive system, but the only thing I was aware of was the fact that I was nestled into some guy’s crotch and his hands were dangerously close to my jubblies. Though, I worded my unease differently in the feedback form at the end of semester.

The worst part about this paper, however was not the dancing. It wasn’t the fact that my assessment included a self-choreographed partner dance in which I had to perform the lifts because I consist of more muscle than grace. It wasn’t the fact that I was forced to write an exam about the history of standing still dancing. It was the fact that the classes were over at the MIT campus. This meant petrol, extra transport time, and being forced to navigate an unfamiliar route.

Normally this wasn’t a problem, I grew familiar with the three turns that I had to take in order to get there, and became rather accustomed to the twenty minute drive from my house. That is, until the two-week gap between our last class, and the exam. Apparently all it takes to wipe my navigational memory is 14 days and a little bit of exam stress. At some point over my study-break I had forgotten one of the three turns that I needed to take, and consequently got myself lost on the way to the final exam. When you’re in a situation like that, a lot of panicky thoughts race through your mind. You look at the clock every two seconds, you have an emotional reaction to every red light, you consider throwing in the towel and just driving home, the Eye of the Tiger melody seems to worm its way in there at some point, and you’re just generally jumpy.

Turns out, in this paper; the ‘dance how the wind moves you’ university level paper, all the stress of being lost was unnecessary. When I finally found the campus and room that I was meant to be in, 15 minutes late, sweaty, and traumatised from almost crashing into one of the trees I was supposed to observe earlier in the semester, I was welcomed with open arms. The exam had started, but half the class was talking to each other, to the exam supervisor, to a higher power. Glad to see this paper wasn’t a complete waste of my time and would, no doubt, be taken seriously in any academic record across the globe. Sigh.

So, as you go into your exam season, full of stress, empty of motivation, and feeling like your life lacks direction, chin up! If this paper existed to teach us anything, it’s that if all else fails; if all of our career dreams come crashing down around us, we can always stand still, close our 25 eyes, and become dancers.

human, etc.) and rules, figure out a back-story, maybe make some goals you would like to achieve during the game (e.g. “Find my long-lost sister,”) and ideally sort out some connections with other characters in case you didn’t want to just turn up and be all on your own. As I was utterly, totally ignorant to the whole LARP thing I figured Playing might be too much for my first time. I decided to offer myself as a Crew member – Crew are like the extras of a movie, or the NPCs (non-player characters) of a video game; the barmaids, the farmers, the quest-givers, the monster, the bandits, the helpless villagers, the damsels in distress. I thought it would be the perfect place to start.

L A R P E DI E M

by Samantha Boston I have always been one for a bit of dressing-up – who doesn’t like a good costume party? Perhaps it’s the manifestation of a fantastical character being brought to life, or the opportunity to transform oneself into something else; the escapism. Or, you know, maybe it’s just the fun of being able to look ridiculous while still feeling normal about it because you’re surrounded by equally ridiculous-looking people. Whatever the attraction, we seem to find any excuse to dress up – even as “grown-ups”. I’m not only talking about upcoming Halloween bashes, but even things like big sports events (just image search “Auckland nines costumes” and you’ll see what I mean).

One day I was sitting there with a friend flicking through movie channels, and we came across a film that had us giggling in fits almost immediately – in it, one of the main characters was introducing some other lads to one of his favourite past-times. It was called LARP: Live Action Role-Play. The guy had dressed himself up in a medieval-themed costume, and proceeded to take part in an intense make-believe battle with other “LARPers”, some of whom seemed to take it way too seriously. (I’m talking waaaaaay too seriously.) My friend was almost crying with laughter at this concept we had never come across before – and yet, deep down, there was a little spark inside me that I couldn’t ignore. It was saying “You do realise that looks like something you’d probably really enjoy, right...?”

Thus, unbeknown to my friend, as soon as I had a moment to myself after the movie ended, I somewhat hesitantly googled “LARPing in New Zealand”. I didn’t really think such a thing would exist somewhere so relatively small compared to the USA, but I was to be surprised! Not only were there listings for LARP in NZ in general, but Auckland seemed to be a pretty good place for it! A bit of research and some nervous emails to a few Auckland LARP organisers later, and I had myself booked in for an upcoming weekend of “dark fantasy LARP” in a realm known as ‘Teonn’.

Teonn was a campaign that ran for about three years, with a big weekend game every six months or so and shorter games strewn throughout the year in between. At first, of course, I had no idea what was meant by a “campaign”, but I dove right in anyway. From what I understood there were two options: to ‘Play’, or to ‘Crew’. Playing required quite some thought; you had to create a character to fit in with the realm’s races (e.g. elf,

And so I arrived at a scout camp way out in west Auckland, armed with enough old clothes to keep me going for the weekend no matter how muddy or torn I managed to get them. I was directed to the Crew Room where I would be spending some time the next three days. The Crew Room – where (you guessed it!) the Crew were based (it’s backstage – no Players allowed here) – was a crazy rabble of people getting geared up in armour, painting their faces with weird and wonderful patterns, items of clothing being flung across the room as costumes were changed, and the GMs – Game Masters – calling out what they needed: Gypsies, villagers, knights, spies, tavern staff... I joined a small group of ladies who were getting themselves into delicate medieval dresses, and took the opportunity to follow the lead of these experienced Crew members. I quite enjoyed wandering around our ‘town’ and interacting with the Players. As Crew, you played lots of little roles depending on what was required – if you wanted to play a more combat-oriented role then you could speak to the GMs and they would send you out as a bandit or assassin. If you didn’t quite fancy the fighting (like myself), people were always needed to flesh out little side-plots going on, and of course to bring the setting more alive. I had never handled a LARP-safe weapon in my life, so I didn’t really put my hand up for fighting very much. Inevitably, though, I did have to take the plunge and gear up for battle – in the dead of the first night of that weekend-long game, a raging orc horde arrived in the forest – and who else would play this massive horde of blood-thirsty orcs but the Crew.

I believe I failed dismally as a big scary orc, but dozens of us banded together, banging war drums and screeching into the night would have had anyone intimidated I’d say. Swinging axes and swords in the dark of the forest was definitely one of the things I had expected about this LARP business, and it really does get your adrenaline going!

The daylight, of course, brought breath-taking opportunities to see the impeccable Player costumes; they were simply incredible. The world of Teonn encompassed a number of different races, religions and factions – my favourite were the colourful ‘Elementals’; mysterious individuals who had some affiliation with one of the elements (earth, air, water or fire). How could you not be immersed in this fantasy world when you were surrounded by such meticulously planned characters and costumes?

For the last two big Teonn games I was involved in, I finally decided to take that leap of faith and try my hand at Playing. Thus, Y’vaine was created – a shy, naive, probably rather annoying Elemental of the earth variety. After all my dealings with dressing up as orcs it was decided that Y’vaine was utterly terrified of those more primitive beasties, yet I still got covered in green bodypaint.

If you are a fan of dressing-up, getting into character or simply running around hitting people, I recommend you give this incredibly unique hobby a try. Don’t be fooled – LARPing isn’t just about medieval fantasy; I can guarantee that if you think of a genre, there is, has been or will be a larp to cover it – e.g. western, sci-fi, horror (can’t beat a Zombie Larp!) – and games are as diverse in length as they are in what their focus is all about (some are only for those who want a nerf-gun fight, some are centred more on the role-play aspects and character development). Think you would like to give it a try? Check out the New Zealand Live Action Role-Playing Society website for more information and details on upcoming events around the country – www.nzlarps.org I can guarantee some truly storyworthy experiences.

NOMINATIONS CLOSE NOVEMBER 13th

for outstanding AUT lecturers and staff

Vote now, at http://bit.ly/AuSMAwardNominate or visit www.ausm.org.nz

27

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Ethan Sills' Top Ten Movies of 2014

Anyone who regularly reads the reviews section will probably know by now that I am an incredibly boring person who basically lives at the movies. But, as I am an incredibly boring person who has seen a lot of movies this year, I have been given the authority to decide on the top ten movies of the year so far.

The Grand Budapest Hotel This is easily the best film I have seen all year. This comedy crime caper was as moving as it was quirky, and featured one of the best casts of any movie this year, led perfectly by a wonderful Ralph Fiennes. Add fantastic cinematography, genius script, colourful direction and delightful scenery, and you have a heart warming and hilarious film that will likely go overshadowed at awards shows when it deserves to win them all.

52 Tuesdays The simple idea of a transgender mother and her daughter spending Tuesday afternoons together for a year could have been cheesy, but all suspicions of that disappeared five minutes into this clever, well-crafted and powerful movie. Lead by a breakout performance from Aussie actress Tilda Cobham-Hervey, this is a film that manages to be stylish while maintaining plot, and does wonders with its incredibly simple idea.

Guardians of the Galaxy Who would have thought a movie starring a racoon and a tree would be so great? Director James Gunn blew the world’s mind with this hilarious, fast paced, warm, sweet and thrilling space opera that shows being weird is truly a great thing. Combined with amazing characters and fantastic special effects, this is a modern day Star Wars that will be watched for years to come.

Boyhood Filmed over twelve years, Boyhood follows one boy from ages six to eighteen as he and his family grow and change and he experiences all life has to offer. I expected a bit more from this given the concept, and fuck it was long. However, there is no denying the scope and ambitions of this, and it serves for a well acted and intimate portrait of youth when you look past the clunky bits.

Skeleton Twins The funniest movie about suicide you will ever see, comedians Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader took a dramatic turn as twins reuniting after a decade apart. A near perfect balance between comedy and drama, this was as entertaining as it was depressing and is perfect to watch whatever mood you’roice in.

Edge of Tomorrow Tom Cruise leads this stylish blockbuster about a PR man forced into a war against killer aliens, only to gain the ability to restart the day every time he dies. This did not get the attention or credit it deserved, despite being well plotted and stylish, with incredible effects and amazing performances from Cruise and Emily Blunt. Another movie to work wonders with a simple idea, this was a truly entertaining and clever bit of fun.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier After being one of the more boring parts of The Avengers, Steve Rodgers/Captain America blew away his colleagues and dominated our screens with the best Marvel sequel yet. With post-Wikileaks themes on government surveillance, a huge game changing twist and one of the best final battles of any blockbuster ever, this was a brilliant start to the blockbuster season and has my hopes high for the rest of the MCU. Gone Girl I wasn’t sure what to expect from a movie adaptation of this addictive but trashy novel, but mastermind director David Fincher took the iffy source material and turned it into a beautiful and chilling film about marriage, the media and public perception. While the book’s awful ending frustratingly remains, Fincher filled the movie with beautiful shots and an incredible cast that helped soften that disappointing blow – I expect Rosamund Pike will be hearing her name called out come Oscar night, as she turned the awful Amy into an incredibly memorable leading lady.

Pride The most recent entry, but this one truly deserves its place. It is not exactly ‘new’ if you have seen one of the dozen other movies about quirky British villages doing nice things. However, an incredibly talented cast, simple direction and a hilarious script combined with powerful themes about acceptance and helping one another made this an absolute joy to watch and is just the sort of film to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Calvary When the movie opens with the main character being told he will be murdered in a week’s time, you know it is going to be an interesting film. While not as darkly comic as was promised, Calvary provides an interesting look at one of the more shocking scandals of the past decade. Topped with an amazing lead performance from Brendan Gleeson, this perfectly examines a modern view on religion and what it means to this tiny Irish village.

And the worst movie of the year is….

The Other Woman!

This was simply atrocious. Two hours of my life were wasted on this loud, screeching, montage overloaded, pointless, stupid, pitiful excuse of a movie. I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but if you genuinely enjoyed this, you should be ashamed of yourself. I think I would sooner cook and eat my own hand while still attached to my arm than endure this mind numbing piece of cinematic garbage ever again. Just terrible!

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ALBUMS OF THE YEAR

Ben Howard – I Forget Where We Were Ben Howard’s debut was one of my favourite musical discoveries of 2011. The mostly acoustic Every Kingdom captured my imagination, taking my mind to the places I wanted to be. I saw him play the Town Hall earlier this year, and his set was heavy with new tracks. While this could have made for a frustrating gig, I found myself enjoying some of his newer ones more than the familiars. He’s taken a hefty step away from his acoustic beginnings, leaning more towards an electric sound, heavy in reverb and harmonics. There are moments in the album that sound like Foals, and others that sound inspired by the Edge, and I mean that as the highest of compliments. I’ve only had a few run throughs with this one, but I can already tell it’s a goodun. Key track for me would be the beautiful Conrad. It’s a dreamboat. Matthew Cattin

Slipknot – .5: The Gray Chapter It’s been six long years since the release of the last Slipknot album All Hope Is Gone and since then the band has been through some shit times. With the passing of bassist Paul Gray and the recent departure of drummer Joey Jordison, .5: The Gray Chapter is a rebirth of a band that has been dealing with great sadness, anger and guilt. The album is therapy for the remaining seven members’ right from the opener XIX, which has a real Nine Inch Nails feel to it. Overall the album combines elements from their previous four releases to provide the listener with something completely new.

Stand out tracks would definitely be The Devil in I, Custer, The One That Kills The Least and full on Paul Gray tribute track Skeptic with the lyrics “The world will never see another crazy motherfucker like you, the world will never know another man as amazing as you”. This album is a fitting tribute to their lost brother. Carl Ewen

alt-J – This Is All Yours My hands down favourite album of this year, the long anticipated second from Brit band alt-J was everything I could have wanted, and just a little bit more. Diverse in its tracks, and typically fantastic in its lyrics, this is an album that deserves to be put on repeat, caressed tenderly over and over, and whispered saucily to. I mentioned in the album’s review a few issues back I first listened to the band because of a comparison to Radiohead I read in a magazine, and upon hearing their sophomore, I’m more than happy to use the comparison myself. Choosing key tracks is a bit difficult as I thoroughly enjoy them all, but I do hold a rather soft spot for Arrival in Nara, Warm Foothills and – hipsters don’t get mad – Left Hand Free.

That song is dang groovy. Matthew Cattin

Elbow – The Take Off and Landing of Everything Having not learned about the brilliance that is Elbow until this year, this album was actually my first encounter with them. And let me tell you, in a year that’s been littered in musical experimentation and discovery, with countless albums explored and enjoyed, this one quite easily hangs out around the top of my list. It’s got the whimsical song openings that define a lot of their work, as well as the underlying passion that the trumpet, bass, electric piano melodies portray in even the most quiet of songs. Elbow always manages to make me feel calm and amped at the same time, and this album is no exception to those feels. I’m a fan of the entire compilation, but my key tracks would have to be This Blue World for its superb albumopening ability, and Real Life (Angel) for the lyrics.

Laurien Barks.

Mastodon – Once More ‘Round The Sun Atlanta’s own prog-metal band, Mastodon never disappoint, and their sixth full length effort continues this trend. Following on from 2011’s The Hunter, Once More ‘Round The Sun, once again combines the greatest elements of the band. The triple vocal assault from Bassist Troy Sanders, Guitarist Brent Hinds and Drummer Brann Dailor always provide a variety in vocals, but with the musical arrangements and style you always know you are listening to Mastodon. Tracks like The Motherload (complete with the controversial twerking filled music video), Diamond in the Witch House and High Road are highlights on this album. In saying that though, Once More ‘Round The Sun is an album that you can listen to right the way through without skipping a track. Plus, as always, in true Mastodon form, the album artwork is one of the best covers released this year. Carl Ewen

And the Unmentionables…

U2 – Songs of Innocence An album that will be forever remembered more for its non-consensual marketing than for its music, Songs of Innocence was a bit of a disaster. Free albums are great, don’t get me wrong. But free albums that automatically appear in your iTunes?

Well perhaps that’s a little too cheeky. I haven’t listened to the album, so I cannot comment on its quality, but come on Bono, even you can’t get away with shoving your album where it isn’t wanted.

Coldplay – Ghost Stories I admit it – I am a Coldplay fan. But for the record, I do not condone the atrocity that is Ghost Stories, an album so genuinely bad, it sounds like a David Guetta collaboration. I still take their first few records for a spin from time to time, but I wouldn’t put this album on even my worst enemy’s record player. For shame, Chris.

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REVIEWS

Send us an email at mcattin@aut.ac.nz to contribute to our reviews section!

Annabelle Directed by John R. Leonetti Starring Annabelle Wallis, Ward Horton, Alfre Woodard

I’m a big fan of the horror genre, and I reckon my tolerance for all things dark is pretty high. The one thing I don’t do, however, is dolls. Nope. No. Nope. It’s a little unreasonable, and I don’t know when it started… Perhaps Toy Story? All I know is dolls have no right being as creepy as they are.

Annabelle kicks off prior to the happenings of The Conjuring, but apart from a few tie ins within the plot, I’d definitely classify it as a spin off rather than a prequel. As expected, there isn’t really all that much to the plot; young couple attain ugly as sin doll, young couple have daughter, doll stirs up some shit, couple freak out, end. Predictable, but honestly, I didn’t expect any more or any less.

So what about the scares that I paid for? Well they were a mixed bag. There are of course the clichéd phantom appliances, slamming doors, doll moving around on its own etc. And then, there are some genuinely genius setups which had me clutching to my left and right to the couple that kindly let me third wheel at the movies, and even sit between them. Bless. There were a few moments there where I was genuinely squealing internally and thinking nopenopenopenopenope. The elevator scene? Just genius.

Sadly, Annabelle lacks the excellent cinematography of its predecessor, and overall can only be described as average. Its final chapter in particular is a disappointing anti-climax which was handled predictably and without any conviction from the actors. After over an hour of increasing tension, the conclusion was nought but a timid death rattle, boring and poorly executed.

Reviewed by Matthew Cattin “I didn’t know this was a doll film!” I said, desperate and wide eyed, upon seeing The Conjuring for the first time in the cinemas. Fortunately for me, it wasn’t - Annabelle only featured in the first five or so minutes. Unfortunately for me, just over a year later, that doll bitch has her own damn spin off. And of course I couldn’t stop myself from seeing it. I’m a masochist that way…

Homeland: Season 4 Episodes 1-3 Created by Gideon Raff, Howard Gordan, and Alex Gansa Starring Claire Dances, Rupert Friend, and Nazanin Boniadi

In saying that, I didn’t expect much more. And I think anybody expecting a masterpiece in horror is a damn fool. If you are after a decent film, give this one a miss, but if you’re – like me – after merely an evening out with a few thrills, a few chills, and a coupla friends, then you’ll have a good time.

out work in Palestine. Her job of ordering hits on terrorists goes awry when the information her colleague gives her leads to them bombing a wedding. Facing pressure from the CIA, and from the angry public in Palestine, Carrie begins to investigate what led to them receiving the bad advice, and must convince the only survivor of the bombing to help them.

The one thing that has helped hold the show together through constant unrest and change has been the lead performances. Claire Danes continues to turn in amazing work as the bipolar and determined Carrie Mathison. One of the rising stars, though, continues to be Rupert Friend as the troubled and bitter Peter Quinn, who continues to get some of the better material to work with.

Only three episodes in, I am feeling slightly optimistic for the future of Homeland.

The show has never, exactly, been perfect, but it makes for an interesting watch as a modern spy thriller. The first episode included a pretty big and fairly gruesome twist that started the season off with a bang, setting everything in motion. I believe the show will work better with a single story than the numerous different character arcs over the past seasons.

Reviewed by Ethan Sills A few issues back, I spoke about how I doubted many shows had gone through as many changes as Doctor Who. Well, now I need to take that back just a little, as Homeland is only in its fourth season but has already gone through dozens of changes. Each season of the spy thriller, so far, has felt like a slight reboot, with the plotlines starting fresh with each premiere and only the characters and small themes holding things together. After a rather uneven third season, the show has returned with its biggest reboot yet. Though only two of the original characters remain, things are working well so far.

The season picks up several months after the end of the third season, with Carrie having given birth, and left her daughter in America in order to carry

One rather frustrating thing they have done, has been to replace the Carrie and Brody love angle with a Carrie and Peter storyline, which is entirely pointless and adds little to the show – I don’t really imagine the sort of people who watch Homeland want material to write shipping stories about?

Aside from that annoying little niggle, the story is working well. There are a number of supporting characters who could probably be dropped so they can focus on the core roles more, but as this is only the beginning, I am hoping that there will be more development both plot and character-wise as the season progresses. If you’re new to the series, you could easily jump in here, as there is little reference to past seasons, and for old fans, there is a lot on offer to enjoy. Quiet, calm and tense, this is how Homeland should be.

Pride Directed by Matthew Warchus Starring Andrew Scott, Bill Nighy, and George MacKay

Reviewed by Ethan Sills If asked to name a British movie, outside of big franchises like James Bond, I think a lot of us would think of one of those movies about quirky people in villages doing nice things during times of hardship (Billy Elliot, Calendar Girls, Full Monty).

And I think these would come to mind because movies like this are ones that British filmmakers tend to do quite well. Pride is the latest in a long line of this genre. It’s a film with a touch of romance, a splash of comedy, but ultimately, a very heart-warming true story about a lot of people banding together to do some good.

Set during the 1984 Miner’s Strike, Pride is the true story about a small group of gay rights activists who begin fundraising to provide financial support for small villages facing poverty by the strike. The LGSM (Lesbians and Gays Supports the Miners) partners with the town of Onllwyn, and the two diverse communities come together in aid and support of one another.

The Goldbergs Created by Adam Goldberg Starring Wendi McLendon-Covey, Sean Giambrone, and Troy Gentile

Pride is all about its characters; there is some fantastic talent playing a variety of wonderful and amazing people. The big names are Imelda Staunton and Bill Nighy as Hefina and Cliff, Onllwyn residents who accept LGSM against the town’s reservations, and Dominic West as the flamboyant Jonathan Blake. However, the real talent is from the lesser known faces.

Relative newcomers Ben Schnetzer (Mark Ashton), Faye Marsay (Steph) and Jessica Gunning (Sian James) excelled in their roles, with Schnetzer turning in a powerful performance as LGSM’s organiser, and Gunning contributing a lot of the movie’s heart and spirit. Plus, rising star George Mackay does wonders as Joe, the closeted and underage campaigner, turning in a truly emotional performance.

However, Pride does have rather an overabundance of characters. There were a few that hovered in the background most of the movie and did little more than add a few joke, making it a bit hard to further flesh-out the key characters. The most notable case was the character of Gethin, who, while played well by Andrew Scott, did not contribute much to the overall storyline.

In terms of storyline, it follows a lot of ‘fish out of water’ and culture clash archetypes, though these make for some of the funnier, if slightly obvious, moments in the film. The plot is very much by-the-books regarding what you’d expect from this type of movie, with the initial awkwardness, friendships blossoming and someone trying to stand in their way. However, for the most part, it all works well together, and still feels new despite the obvious familiarity.

Despite some small issues, Pride is really a heart warming and moving film about acceptance. It is the perfect film to see if you’re feeling a bit down, and if you’re not feeling emotional by the last scenes, you probably have no soul. I expect this will be remembered for years to come, and it has truly earned a place alongside the classics of the genre.

garage band have all been points of focus in the one and half existing seasons. At the end of each show, Adam is always sure to include some of his original home footage that relates to the subject of the episode you’ve just watched, and adds a whole new level of authenticity to the unique project.

While this series isn’t particularly brilliant or life changing, its attraction is in its everyday-style charm. It’s a slice-of-life comedy that’s provides a few laughs and some cute entertainment during that seven-o-clock ‘time to wind down’ window of the evening. Wendi McLendon-Covey is, without a doubt, the star of the show, without whom my rating would be a star lower. She’s responsible for a good 75 per cent of the legitimate ‘lols,’ and suits her character to an absolute tee.

Reviewed by Laurien Barks A few weeks ago, after returning home after a long-term housesit, my family introduced me to the current television series that they had been watching together in the evenings. The Goldbergs seemed like your average family friendly comedy series, like Modern Family or The Middle, but what captured my attention right away was its origin. Adam Goldberg grew up in the 80s and it seems this adorable preteen didn’t know how to live life without a camcorder in his hands. He filmed his family, his friends, and his everyday life for a number of years, then grew up and based a television show on it. Cool!

Each episode is inspired by a different aspect of Adam’s life in the 80s. His childhood bestie, his over-attached mother (or ‘smother’), and his brother’s

I must admit, I have an overwhelming feeling that my mother would be a bit disappointed in my three-star rating. She, having been a teen in the 80s, adores the throw-back nature of the series, constantly speculating on the style of clothing, makeup, and lack of household appliances. Not an episode goes by where I don’t hear an excited ‘I used to have a sweater like that!’ or ‘Oh my goodness, Ted (my dad), look how big the microwave is, remember those!?’ I have to say, half of the appeal of this show lies in the ridiculously adorable nostalgia that my parents get over mix tapes and hairspray. Would you have a laugh or two if you watched it with a group of 20-somethings? Sure. But I can assure you, the general excitement in the atmosphere is amped up significantly if you watch it with an audience in their late 40s or 50s.

So while I wouldn’t deem The Goldbergs series of the year, I would recommend it for a giggle at the end of the day. It’s cute, charming, and its genuine origin sets it apart from other series of a similar style. I’d say Adam’s commitment to carting an old-school camcorder around for several years has definitely paid off.

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CLUBS AWARDS 2014 To find out how you can be part of the 2015 AuSM Club experience, contact: Vinay Gobindlal  E: clubs@aut.ac.nz P: (09) 921 9999 ext 8911

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