debate issue 09

issue 09 2012

CONTENTS 5

Editorial

EVENT Review Oh, what a night! - Jersey Boys review

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Artist of the week Adam Tan

NEWS 10 AUT Titans beating the best at uni games 11 AUT’s health science students gearing up for aging population

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23 24 25

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28 29

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Sports Sporting one-liners that you couldn’t have scripted AuSM Prez sez AuSM update Feature Top Ten Coolest American University Papers Humour Ten Reasons Why Sonny Bill Williams is actually a ninja Column The dark side of public broadcasting Technology in Classrooms 10 great natural remedies for everyday problems Media Social Media Highlights Comedy Review Dead Cat Bounce Feature INTERVIEWS Gish Axis of Awesome Fashion Dressing to Occasion

32 Reviews

Student Profile 34 Wade Jackson

This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly.

Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM.

on the cover:

Comedy - In life and death.

Adam Tan

editor Nigel Moffiet nigel.moffiet@aut.ac.nz sub editor Matthew Cattin designer Ceapum Kaushish ceapum.kaushish@aut.ac.nz contributors Matthew Cattin | Scott Moyes | Tamsyn Solomon | Morgahna Godwin | Alanna Caveney | Erica McQueen | Debbie Bennett | Laurene Jooste | Lachlan Hornell | Scott Winton | Danielle Whitburn | Brendan Kelly | Adam Warin advertising contact Kate Campbell kate.campbell@aut.ac.nz printer PMP Print Ltd. publisher all rights reserved

debate is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) disclaimer Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, PMP Print or its subsidiaries.

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Awkward Family Portraits

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EDITORIAL reception “Where’d I get my bag? I pinched it! Tee hee hee”

Of course, as the old saying goes: “different strokes for different folks.”

Ah, good ol’ Billy T and his cheeky giggle. I laugh along with him every time. I remember watching him on TV as a kid – I wouldn’t have understood all his jokes or the slight references he was making, but I found him entertaining none the less. His comic presence, his laugh and his likeable personality just carried me away.

What makes one person laugh doesn’t always mean the next person will. I was pretty shocked when I watched Eddie Murphy’s stand-up not too long ago. Have you guys seen that? The guy was a bigot. How the fuck did he end up doing Disney movies?

Another favourite is Billy’s version of the 6 o’clock news - Te News.

“Someone pinched a toilet seat out of the Kaikohe police station…now the cops have nothing to go on! Tee hee hee. They just left a big hole there, but that’s alright because the cops are looking into it.”

Being a fairly young country and still grappling with our sense of national identity, Billy’s humour came at the right time with many claiming that he helped cross a Maori and Pakeha divide, enabling us to lighten up and laugh at ourselves. I don’t have much sense of what it was like before Billy came along ( I’m sure us Kiwis have always enjoyed a bit of a laugh) but he has been credited for cementing a unique brand of Kiwi humour, he was a pioneer and from what I can gather, things looked kind of bland before him. Isn’t that the great thing about comedy? It’s a good way of getting together, having a laugh and not taking ourselves too seriously. It’s like holding up a mirror so we can finally see our awkward traits; we become self-aware, have a bit of a laugh, and eventually a healthy discussion might open up.

And I do love watching Bill Hicks, he’s brilliant, but often his nihilism and cynicism goes so far that I don’t really find myself laughing; rather, I’m shacking in my boots – that man was intense!

Anyway, now that the NZ International Comedy Festival is hitting town for its 20th year, it’s a great chance for you and some mates to hit the town and enjoy a laugh – there’s plenty on offer for all your varied tastes, and some good student friendly prices too, so you don’t have to break your allowance too much. ……

On another note, in last week’s debate we looked at student loans and some proposed changes that might be taking place. Sure enough, Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce has recently announced the latest range of changes to the student loan and allowance schemes. If you earn over $19,084 you will have to pay your loan off more quickly at a rate of 12 per cent. Also, after four years of study, you will no longer be able to receive an allowance. Again, it’s just beginning to get a little bit harder.

NIGEL.

Letter

City Campus Level 2, WC Building 921 9805 Mon-Thurs: 8am-5pm Fri8am-4pm North Shore Campus Level 2, AS Building 921 9949 Mon-Fri: 8.30am-3pm Manukau Campus MB107 921 9999 ext 6672 Mon-Thurs; 9am-3.30pm

governance & leadership Kizito Essuman AuSM Student President 921 9999 ext 8571 kizito.essuman@aut.ac.nz

management

Sue Higgins General Manager 921 9999 ext 5111 sue.higgins@aut.ac.nz

advocacy

Nick Buckby Liaison Manager 921 9999 ext 8379 nick.buckby@aut.ac.nz

marketing

Kate Campbell Marketing and Communications Manager 921 9999 ext 6537 kate.campbell@aut.ac.nz

events

Carl Ewen Student Life Manager 921 9999 ext 8931 carl.ewen@aut.ac.nz

media

Nigel Moffiet Publications Co-ordinator 921 9999 ext 8774 nigel.moffiet@aut.ac.nz

sports

Melita Martorana Sports Team Leader 921 9999 ext 7259 melita.martorana@aut.ac.nz

vesbar

Zane Chase Vesbar Manager 921 9999 ext 8378 zane.chase@aut.ac.nz For a full list of contact details plus profiles of AuSM staff & student executive and information on clubs visit:

www.ausm.org.nz

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Oh, what a night!

Jersey Boys review Debbie Bennett

Photo byJoan Marcus

Photo by Jeff Busby

Jersey Boys was an awesome show: story, music and overall performance. Perhaps that’s why it has won 54 international awards!

The Jersey Boys (aka Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons) is a stage production that truthfully depicts the lives of the popular 60s group from New Jersey. The real Frankie says on exposing his life, “there is no value [in representing him] unless you tell it all”.

The Four Seasons are portrayed as an impressive group of four men who wrote their own songs and had a hard time dealing with the music industry and getting recorded. One producer demanded they make a hit before he records. One band member cries that they need a record before they can get a hit.

impression this was true. His narration helps us understand the story, and it glues the plot together. One of Tommy’s initiatives was to get Frankie in the band. Frankie (aka Francis Castelluccio) was an inexperienced Italian boy with a powerful voice. Castelluccio is of course the reinvented Frankie Vallie. As his lady friend says – Valli spelt with an ‘I’ because Valli spelt with a ‘Y’ is screwed up.

‘Y’ doesn’t know what it is – a vowel or a consonant? This woman becomes his wife who eventually stalks out. Frankie hits more brokenness with a resentful daughter who loses her life.

Bobby is another interesting character. He appears to woo Frankie into a musical partnership throughout the show. This splitting off was just one issue within the band. Tommy gets into huge debt as well. Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons’ troubles were bubbling under the surface, despite their success - performing hits and touring all around. They all had families but unfortunately didn’t get to spend enough time with them.

For me, Nick is the likable one. He’s the one with the deep voice which harmonizes with the scarily high voice of Frankie - yet he wanted to leave the group. “I want to go home” he says.

Finally the group slowly falls apart. And the rest is history.

The show, which opened on Broadway in 2005 and has had a twoyear run in Australia, has been playing in Auckland since mid-April to packed crowds and rave reviews.

The group’s tunes are familiar, but I bet you won’t be listing song titles off your fingers. So, wrinkle your forehead over these songs: Oh What a Night, Sherry, Big Girls Don’t Cry, and what Heath Ledger sung romantically in the 1999 movie Ten Things I Hate About You, to a marching band, Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You. Photo by Jeff Busby

The journey into Tommy, Bobby, Frankie and Nick’s career is never dull. All the technical parts of a musical were there. The backdrop lighting up with night club names, authentic costumes, good acting. I loved the microphones rising from the ground.

Smooth choreography made you want to dance with them.

Tommy tells the story with his gangsta-American accent. He obnoxiously thrusts himself as head of the band. You get the

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DEBATE WANTS YOU TO CONTRIBUTE If you are a news hound, sports nut, political guru, pop-culture fanatic, columnist, reviewer, feature writer, camera happy, artist, cartoonist, general know-it-all or astrologer.

Get in touch!

For more info on how to get involved with Debate Email Nigel at debate@aut.ac.nz or pop into the AuSM office for a chat

AUT Wellesley Street

Campus Conference Rooms WA 224 A&B

Tue 8 May: 10 am - 4 pm Wed 9 May: 10 am – 4 pm

Adam Tan My name is Adam Tan. I’m studying pictorial design within the graphic design major. So I don’t actually do any graphic design, but focus mainly on conceptualization/ illustration.

With my work, I just try to have fun or find something of interest for me to explore. It’s just the feeling of creating something that is worth sharing that drives me to do this.

My current body of work is an exploration of truth and isolation. I like to think of isolation as peace within the context of our modern, busy lifestyles and I aim to explore that idea of isolation through inspiration from my environment out here in west Auckland.

Check out my work at:

http://adamtanart.tumblr.com

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debate is looking for some super talented artists to profile. Do you know some artists at AUT who we should feature? Is it you?

Get in touch with us today. Send in your work at debate@aut.ac.nz.

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The

AUT University had one of its highest ever placing at the New Zealand University Games in Wellington during the mid-semester break. The AUT Titans - the AUT team name - came second, only narrowly missing out on taking the overall gold from the University of Auckland.

Robert Sanele in the mixed touch team

AUT Titans beating the best at uni games Scott Winton

The New Zealand University Games is an annual competition where university athletes from a range of sports compete against each other for the right to call their university the best in the country.

The games are also an opportunity for students to socialise and get to know each other away from the classroom.

Bruce Meyer, AUT Manager Sport Development said the AUT team gelled really well. “There was an excellent spirit and everyone had a great time!"

The games started 110 years ago with only three sports – tennis, athletics and debating. It now involves 30 sports and over 2000 people which makes it one of the biggest annual sporting events in New Zealand.

The AUT Titans were strong across a number of sports dominating the netball and women’s touch rugby who both won gold and finished undefeated.

The women’s football team came second and the men’s basketball and football won bronze medals.

The Titans first entered the competition in 2004 winning the overall team competition in 2005 when it was held on AUT’s North Shore Campus.

In addition to the sporting achievement, AUT was recognised for its fair play attitude placing second in the Spirit Award.

AUT Titans celebrate the women’s netball win

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NEWS

AUT’s health science students gearing up for aging population Adam Warin

More money aside for NZ’s aging population

New Zealand’s aging population has prompted a re-evaluation of University healthcare curriculums.

AUT’s North Shore campus is changing its health science curriculum to educate students about their developing roles.

An aging population means much of the governmental money put aside for health care is being used for hospital visits and treatment of chronic illness later in life.

The new initiative called “Better, Sooner, More Convenient” focuses on preventing health problems in an aging population in order to reduce costs across the country.

These visits and costs could be cut down by preventative measures and shifting the health sector towards more unified District Health Boards in order to centralise and streamline care.

This involves training health practitioners to deal with illness outside their particular expertise as well as working collaboratively with other members of the sector to better provide for patients.

Third year Physiotherapy student at AUT Alexandra Jost says her classes have reflected this shift towards collaboration.

“As the course has progressed we have learnt more in our classes about our work in the future as part

of a multidisciplinary team in the rehabilitation of patients.”

graduates which showed a number of gaps in their knowledge of the sector.

She says although it is a challenging course, she enjoys being part of the construction of the new curriculum.

The old curriculum focused on training students to work with ACC, but with the recent cuts to the scheme it has become necessary to branch their skills out.

One of the changes has been the introduction of workshops where AUT physiotherapy students worked with students in other health fields at a clinic on campus in order to learn from each other and encourage collaboration.

Third year AUT Physiotherapy student Chelsea Bartels also said her year of students acted as “guinea pigs” for the new curriculum.

“I personally like the new curriculum because it is based on learning to

“An aging population means much of the governmental money put aside for health care is being used for hospital visits and treatment of chronic illness later in life.” challenge and think critically about what physiotherapy is perceived as at the moment.

“There have been some things we have found to be really hard but we have been asked to give feedback which is taken into consideration and we are seeing changes between semesters.”

Associate Dean of Rehabilitation and Occupation Studies Duncan Reid says the curriculum was revised in 2008 based on feedback from recent NEWS

Students hoping to enter into the research field of health rather than the clinical side are also noticing changes.

Third year Auckland University Health Science student Curtis Warner says his course has been teaching him the background to the proposed changes and the context of New Zealand’s health sector.

“It will be my job to evaluate whether this new programme is a success and, if not, finding alternative solutions.”

Physiotherapy provides a cheaper alternative to medicines and, through collaboration with other health practitioners, provides an opportunity to cut unnecessary costs.

Focusing on Primary Care throughout a patient’s life and encouraging healthy lifestyle choices are goals for the health sector in the coming years.

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Ryan Phelan, of FOX Sports Australia gave everyone a bit of a giggle when presenting Monday Night Football, telling them that they were watching

“NRL on Fuck”.

Ryan Phelan

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Harry Carpenter, at the OxfordCambridge boat race in 1977 described to everyone how nice it was that

“the wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew”.

Harry Carpenter

An unknown PGA commentator gave us this beauty: “One of

the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them”.

Unknown

SPORTS

Alan Minter, a boxing commentator had everyone dumbfounded when proclaiming that

“there have been deaths in boxing but none of them serious”.

Alan Minter

Murray Walker, a Formula One commentator told everyone how

“The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical.”

Murray Walker

Scott Moyes

Richie Benaud, Channel 9’s immortal cricket commentator gave us this pearler:

“He’s usually a good puller, but he couldn’t get it up that time.”

Richie Benaud

Steve Ryder covered the US Masters and felt it necessary to tell the viewers that

“Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday”.

Steve Ryder

Murray Mexted, New Zealand rugby commentator entertained us with

“Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Darryl Gibson comes inside of him.”

Murray Mexted

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie, Fanny Sunneson, lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:

“Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.”

Ken Brown

David Coleman, commentating at the Montreal Olympics delighted viewers with

“And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.”

David Coleman

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards’ choice of tires on World Superbike racing:

“Colin had a hard on in practice earlier and I bet he wished he had a hard on now.”

Jack Burnicle

SPORTS

Ted Walsh, a horse racing commentator stunned listeners with

“This is really a lovely horse.

I once rode her mother.”

Ted Walsh

Bobby Simpson told us when cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham versus Lancashire match,

“with his lovely soft hands, he just tossed it off.”

Bobby Simpson

Pat Glenn, a weight-lifting commentators gave us more than we bargained for when proclaiming

“this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria, I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!”

Pat Glenn

Willie Carson told Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race:

“They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions.”

Wilie Carson

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Correctly identify the five differences in the two photos then circle them and drop your entry into your nearest AuSM office, or the box on the side of the red debate stands, or post to debate PO Box 6116 Wellesley St before 12pm Thursday.

What’s up for grabs? Two “squawk burgers” vouchers for Velvet Burger on Fort St, Auckland CBD.

Down 1. Journal (5) 2. Menagerie (3) 3. World’s longest river (4) 4. Secret or hidden (6) 5. Bustling (7) 6. Abated (5) 9. P laced a bet (7) 11. Thinner (6) 12. Consumed (5) 14. Proficient (5) 15. Female relative (4) 17. Part of a circle (3)

Name Phone # Email Campus

CONGRATULATIONS! to our issue 8 winner

Erdem Dugarov City Campus

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Across 1. Twelve (5) 4. Hoard (5) 7. Unaware (9) 8. Gape (4) 10. Wore away (6) 12. Birds of prey (6) 13. Notion (4) 16. Large spider (9) 18. The lowest point of anything (5) 19. Implied (5) Answers in next weeks debate

Aries: At 6:15pm tonight, you will begin to itch. Oh, how you will itch. You will itch for at least a full minute, all over. Then it will stop, and you’ll forget, for now. Yessssss. For now, my beautiful.

Taurus: Today is a good day to make up a religion, go door-knocking and tell people all about it. Be creative! People appreciate effort.

Gemini: Cut the yellow wire. Trust me.

Cancer: Assignment’s done at last. You should return your late library book. It’s been starting to speak in fluent Polish whenever you leave the room, then stopping short, with guilt, when you come back. You have a feeling that’s not something books are meant to do.

Leo: Good day for tidying up financial affairs.

Do your accounts. Realise you’re getting a different total every time you add up the same few figures. Make a mental note not to invest in sub-prime Euro-backed elf bonds ever again.

Virgo: Splash out for once. Buy yourself some new clothes. Slip them on. Feels nice, doesn’t it? We call this sensation... “pants”. I see that it is new to you. Seriously, man, put some pants on.

Libra: You are a rat. Rats can’t read. Stop wasting my column inches.

Dear Freaked out, It is possible that you are experiencing a type of panic attack. At least one in 10 people experience panic attacks at some time in their lives. Usually this follows a period of stress. Panic attacks are an extreme form of anxiety and they can be very scary; often people think they are having a heart attack or a bad asthma attack or even that they are going crazy. The symptoms can include: • heart palpitations ( rapid and/or irregular heart beat), • shortness of breath, • trembling/shaking • sweating, • a feeling of choking, • nausea, hot flushes • numbness in the hands, fingers, arms ,legs • dizziness • a feeling of extreme fear/terror or detachment.

Panic attacks can come on very suddenly, seemingly from out of the blue and can be very frightening. It is important to remember that they are not life threatening and will pass in a short space of time, usually 4-10 minutes. You may need to speak to someone to help you through this difficult time in your life. Counsellors are available free from Health Counselling and Wellbeing, to book an appointment call 9219992 for City campus and 9219998 for North Shore campus.

Scorpio: You’ve set a good friend up to their knees in quick-drying cement, due to tragically misinterpreting the advice of another horoscope you read this morning. This is what you get for not coming to me. I am the way, the truth and the jackhammer.

Sagittarius: Go to the sports and campinggear shop on the corner down the road and buy their best pair of binoculars. Today is definitely a day for romance.

Capricorn: You sleep and dream. You find

yourself in a small room or shed with rough wooden walls, with a horse. It doesn’t pay you much attention. You suppose your life must be pretty... stable. Put on sunglasses and scream ‘yeaaaah!!!.

Aquarius: You have a lot of Gemini friends,

don’t you? Just saying. Well, anyway, today you will be pulled out of smoking rubble at least once, but you’ll be okay. Maybe don’t wear your best shoes, is all I’m saying.

Pisces: Go on, steal his shoes. He’ll never notice. What a schmuck. The perfect cri*punch*

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AGENDA ITEMS INCLUDE: President's report Audited 2011 accounts Appointment of auditor Constitutional Changes

12 noon Monday 14 May 2012 To be held in WC202

All AuSM members welcome.

Please bring your student ID with the AuSM sticker on it.

AuSM Student President

New Clubs AuSM would like to welcome our newest clubs: The Oman club and AUT Snowsports club and up-and-comers the Surf club and AUT Glee club!!

AuSM support heaps of clubs on campus. Find out more about all the clubs on offer at our website and email deanna.berry@aut.ac.nz about joining or starting a club.

Hi debate readers

This week would be the last for the AuSM special promotion week. It is a great opportunity to ask any of the exec members, staff and trained volunteers questions about AuSM, sign up for free if you are not a member yet, interact with your fellow students who represent you at all levels of the university and be in a competition to win fantastic prizes.

Some of you may have heard about the government’s plan on the possible changes in the student loan scheme.

Students are being targeted in this year’s Budget as the Government tries to bounce back to surplus by 2015 through a revenue boost. The government is expecting to harvest tens of millions of dollars from a change that would lift student loan repayment rate from 10% to about 15%. Also, the government intends to reduce the amount it spends on student allowance. Increasing the loan repayment rate financially means more pressure on people with student loans. Reduction on student allowance also means more financial struggling for students as wages are not being increased as the cost of living increases to keep it balanced.

Changing the eligibility and reduction on the student allowances will keep more financial pressure on people from low income families and in the worst case scenario stop people from achieving their dreams by not pursuing their tertiary education at all. Is that what we want as a country with a great passion of investing in

the future generation? Obviously future tertiary students, current students and graduates feel that they are being targeted by the government for its revenue boost plan. AuSM is getting involved in the campaign against the changes in the student loan and allowance scheme so I would be interested to hear other people’s opinions on this issue. Please email me with your thoughts at kessuman@aut.ac.nz or walk into my office at WC202 for a chat about this.

Lastly, do not forget that next Monday 14 May, 12noon in WC202 is our annual AGM. There will be free food, drinks and spot prizes so why not come along and have your say. We need a quorum of 30 people to officially kick off the meeting, so come along with your AUT friends and don’t forget to bring your student IDs as well. We would be doing a provisional election during the meeting to fill up the vacant positions on the Executive Council. It would be a great opportunity to get involved in student politics and a chance to represent your fellow students.

The positions currently vacant are Postgraduate Affairs Officer, Culture and Society Faculty Rep and Te Ara Poutama Faculty Rep. Remember an association is only as good as its members.

Enjoy your week and I look forward to seeing you all at the AuSM AGM meeting next Monday.

Battle of the Bands Get ready for an epic battle of AUT’s best bands! The first heat is this Thursday night in Vesbar, 7pm. Spectators welcome! See you there.

Need a job?

Student Job Search is the best place to find a job while studying, hit up www.sjs.co.nz Pool competition Heat 2 of the AuSM pool competition is going off at Vesbar, this Wednesday 12pm-1pm. Free entry – email kyle.richmond@aut.ac.nz to enter or turn up on the day (limited spaces). Great prizes up for grabs!

Hit the slopes The AuSM Ski Lodge at National Park still has winter vacancies! You can hire the AuSM lodge from $130 per night and it sleeps 12 – that’s less than $11 per person!

Find out more or book now at www.ausm.org.nz

Shaping the world of comedy one gag at a time Matthew Cattin “A day without laughter is a day wasted” Charlie Chaplin

A tribute to the comedians who shaped the world of comedy by pushing the boundaries of race, class and good taste, but all in favour of a good chuckle.

Bill Hicks (USA) Bill Hicks has become something of a comedy legend in his short life, tragically losing his battle with cancer at the age of 32. He was known for his outspoken satirical style and often based his material on religion, drugs, consumerism, class and monotony of pop culture.

“I don’t do drugs anymore... than say, the average touring funk band.”

“I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.”

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Eddie Murphy (USA) Fast talking Eddie Murphy made his mark doing racy and often insensitive standup in the early eighties before being picked up by the film industry. He’s had his fair share of cinema atrocities (think Nutty Professor and Norbit) but made up for it, winning us over voicing Donkey in the Shrek franchise.

“I been seeing newspapers every Sunday morning, white dudes be in there in their drawers, never having no bulge in they drawers.

Smiling at you.

If I ain’t have no bulge, I wouldn’t be smiling!”

FEATURE

Karl Pilkington (UK)

Ellen DeGeneres (USA)

What makes Karl Pilkington different to every other comedian is his complete lack of any charisma whatsoever. Brought into stardom by Ricky Gervais and Steve Merchant, Karl just plonks himself down and in a dull moan, rambles about the most mundane and idiotic thoughts that swirl around in his head.

But for some reason, people love it.

The comedy scene has always been (and still is) largely dominated by men but cracking the jokes for the ladies is stand up comedienne, talk show host and actress Ellen DeGeneres. Not only is she lovable and hilarious, she has also done a lot of work pushing for equal rights, regardless of sexual preference. Role model much?

“They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn’t anything else to drown it out at the time?”

“Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.”

Billy Connolly (Scotland) You can’t help but love Billy Connolly’s thick Scottish accent and his cheeky grandfatherly grin. His high energy comedy had brought him to our shores a few times, even filming a BBC tour series across the country. Keep an eye out for him in the second film in the upcoming Hobbit films.

“Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn’t try it on.”

Billy T James (NZ) Consistently voted as New Zealand’s greatest comedian and the namesake of New Zealand’s most prestigious comedy prize, the ‘Billy T Award’, Billy T James was loved for his cheeky grin, his quick wit and for breaking down barriers between Maori and Pakeha. Sadly he died of heart failure in 1991 but he couldn’t possibly have left a bigger legacy to laughter in New Zealand.

“Where’d I get my bag? I pinched it!

Teeheehee”

Ricky Gervais (UK) Ricky Gervais got his break as the mastermind of BBC’s outstanding series The Office, but has since moved on to bigger (but not better) things, starring in various blockbusters in Hollywood and controversially destroying Hollywood’s A-listers at the Golden Globes.

His stand-up however is my personal favourite.

“Ebony and Ivory. No more racism now. That one’s done.”

Andy Kaufman (USA) Although referring to himself as a ‘song and dance man’, Andy Kaufman was a comedian that broke all the rules. Known for wrestling women, ‘foreign man’ impressions and for staging numerous stunts to mess with audiences; with Kaufman, nobody ever quite knew what to believe. Check out his life story in the Jim Carrey biopic film Man on the Moon.

“What’s real? What’s not? That’s what I do in my act, test how other people deal with reality.”

Jim Carrey (Canada) The loveable Jim Carrey has given the world some classic roles in his time including The Mask, Ace Ventura and Truman Burbank. Always the divider of critics and audiences, I think to truly appreciate his talent as a comedian you have to see

FEATURE

Louis CK (USA) Louis CK, self-proclaimed masturbator, is a selfdepreciating comedian, known for his brutally honest and endearing views on modern life. He is a regular on Jay Leno, Jimmy Kemmel and David Letterman, as well as starring in his own series Louie.

“The meal is not over when I’m full.

The meal is over when I hate myself.”

“A man will cut your arm off and throw it in a river, but he’ll leave you as a human being intact. He won’t fuck with who you are.

Women are nonviolent, but they will shit inside of your heart.”

his early stand-up where he does the best celebrity facial impressions ever witnessed by man.

"Ever since I started to get recognition I've picked out certain fans and reversestalked them."

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Ten Reasons Why Sonny Bill Williams is actually a ninja

10: His head is much too small for his body It is widely known that ninjas, like chimpanzees and mathematicians, gauge their own successes by how big their heads are in relationship to their bodies.

For example, a statistician with a very large head has probably only amounted to the lowly rank of high-school applied mathematics tutor, whereas a bonobo with a very small head is most likely a university lecturer. Ninjas are even less discerning, and Sonny Bill Williams is no exception; his head:body ratio is so out of whack that he has on various occasions been mistaken for Beaker from the muppets, a cinder-block with an apple on top, and Anne Hathaway.

A revelatory document by Brendan Kelly

(Note: when I say he has a small head, I’m not making reference to the common euphemism that people with big heads have large egos. All of the people and creatures mentioned above have physically small heads, including Sonny Bill Williams. His ego, on the other hand, is bigger than Jay Leno’s chin.)

9: He does whatever the fuck he wants, with a complete lack of regard for anybody else Ninjas, though not unknown to operate in packs to achieve a common goal, commonly operated alone. This is very much Sonny Bill’s style, as he leaps from country to country, team to team, sport to sport with the reckless abandon of an Old Testament prostitute. Treating him in such a fashion, the New Zealand and Australian public seem all too ready to forgive him for being completely unpatriotic and arrogantly assuming any country would be lucky to have him. Possibly because he has abs.

8: He goes wherever there is glory, money, or preferably both

There has been much speculation as to the species of Sonny Bill Williams. Is he an example of the rare Hokitika moose, long thought to be extinct? Has he fallen from Krypton? Or perhaps the truth is the most obvious of all, that he is in fact the long-lost left testicle of Hulk Hogan. Once and for all, I am here to dispel these incorrect myths and outline the truth behind the man behind the jersey behind the man behind the public urination case.

Sonny Bill Williams is, in fact, a ninja. Or, he isn’t. I’m not entirely sure. Here are ten paragraphs full of words to help you make up your minds.

The ninja of ancient times was highly trained and extremely well versed in the arts of espionage, infiltration and assassination. In saying that, they also had to make a living, so they whored themselves out to the highest bidder. But any good prostitute knows that there’s no point whoring yourself out to somebody who will be too poor, too captured or too dead to pay you, so ninjas tended to pick the side that would most likely end up winning. Sonny Bill has similar powers of selection.

Though he turned down a $6 million offer from Toulon in 2010, he signed with Canterbury and made his ITM Cup debut in September that year. Two months later, Canterbury were crowned ITM Cup Champions. Probably just a coincidence. His international union debut also occurred in November 2010, where less than a year later the All Blacks were crowned world champions. Probably just a coincidence. Then again, rumour has it that he’ll be at the Roosters this time next year. Because he only has a one-year contract with the NZRU. But that’s probably just a coincidence.

7: He has a highly influential and even more annoying team of advisors Standing firmly at SBW’s side, hidden in the shadows but still obviously there because he has never had the ability

Sonny Bill Williams - Caricature http://www.zimbio.com/Sonny+Shroyer/articles/ mxM3GzNqhnf/sonny+bill+williams+tattoo

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Humour

to keep his fucking mouth shut, is Anthony Mundine. The man is essentially nothing but a bicep with a voice-box, and yet Sonny Bill has emulated several of his career moves, his religion, and his unwillingness to commit to anything, ever.

To be honest, this point doesn’t fit in with the whole ‘he’s a ninja’ argument, but Mundine is a cockface so I wasn’t not going to mention him. Ninjas would never have dealt with Mundine. Ninjas are cool as.

6: His open combat is hugely flawed Warfare in ancient Japan was dictated by various factors, but if you wanted a psychological advantage, ninjas were your port of call. But ninjas were primarily focused on stealth tactics; open warfare was not their strong suit. If you were going to have to fight a ninja, it was best to do it head on. Just like his ancient ancestors, everybody wants to fight Sonny Bill – Shane Cameron, David Tua, that fat American guy. Boxers don’t like the idea that a random league/union player can show up in the ring and go toe-totoe with the best of them. And if Williams would actually face up to a decent one, it’d be nice to see him get his face just a little pummeled. Not bitter at all.

5: He wears black (when it suits him) Anyone who has the vaguest idea of what a ninja looks like knows that they wear black. But this was not always the case. In an effort to hide from their enemies, ninjas would go to extreme lengths to blend into their surroundings.

Perhaps they would cover themselves in leaves and make rustling noises like a shrubbery, or paint themselves orange and flap around on the ground like a six-foot goldfish. Sonny Bill also appreciates this tactic, making use of it many times throughout his career as he appears at various sporting venues dressed in red, blue, orange, and on the odd occasion, black.

4: His prowess and gravitas largely comes from myths and legends During the time of the ninja, rumours abounded about their supernatural gifts and powers that defied the laws of the universe. The majority of these were simply urban legends, passed around through Chinese (or Japanese) whispers until they became, ‘I saw a ninja once, right, and his head was so small that it looked like a pea balanced on a Range Rover, right, and then he turned into a muskrat, and flew at me with the wings of a dragonfly, humming the theme song to the A-Team.’ This is much the case with Sonny Bill Williams. League fans, and skinny white guys, will remember the days of high-school where to pummel someone with your chest was to ‘Sonny Bill’ him.

Screaming 17-year-old girls all over New Zealand will have watched all of six rugby games and know that Sonny Bill’s offloads are just, like, so, so amazing ay. Plus he has abs.

blending into their surroundings like a West-Aucklander at a System of a Down concert. Sonny Bill employs a less devious method, strolling into whatever sport or code he likes and jogging nonchalantly into the middle of the field. The players already on the field, stunned by his appearance, pass him the ball out of sheer befuddlement, at which point his shirt gets torn and the crowd is driven to frenzy. In this way Williams has infiltrated rugby league, rugby union, boxing, and Jaime Ridge (ooooh, yeah. Awkward that I went there.)

2: He is elusive In ancient Japan, it was notoriously difficult to get television interviews with ninjas. Those of you who watched the World Cup would have seen post-match interviews with the biggest names in rugby – Dussatoir, Carter, McCaw, Cooper. You may have wondered why interviews with Sonny Bill are few on the ground, considering he is arguably New Zealand’s biggest media sensation and one of our players to watch in the World Cup. Sonny Bill’s conversion to Islam with Mundine means that after games he goes away to pray. Fair enough, but this does give him a convenient reason to limit chats with the media. Smart and spiritual.

1: You never know where he will pop up next Like sand, banshees and liquid nails, ninjas could get into everything. There was no door too thick, no lock too heavy for a ninja. In imitating his ninja ancestors like a gigantic Whack-a-Mole, Sonny Bill pops up everywhere. In Australia, France, New Zealand; on rugby fields, in boxing rings, in court, in public bathrooms with iron women, and in the social pages skeezing on 18-year-olds. There’s nowhere SBW hasn’t been seen.

The ancient and perennial art of the ninja has gone down in history as one of the most fascinating and appealing forms of warfare. A ninja was highly trained; both beautiful and deadly. Honing their skills for years, ninjas were not bound by the same code of honour as the samurai, but still picked their targets with integrity and decency. Throughout the ages, they have kept the actions of their order shrouded in mystery, ensuring that its good name remains intact.

Actually, I was right from the start. Sonny Bill is nothing like a ninja. What a fucking stupid list.

3: He can slot into absolutely anything he wants to Some people are adept at fitting in no matter where they are. Ninjas do this through trickery and imitation,

Humour

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Come watch the Bands battle it out THIS THURSDAY

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Flying saucers and spaghetti floras:

The dark side of public broadcasting

Matthew Cattin

“With great power there must also come great responsibility” Stan Lee, comic book author of Spiderman.

Whether you are conning somebody into believing their last-minute essay was due at 10AM instead of 4PM or fraping somebodies unattended Facebook, pranks are always hilarious. However, when trusted public broadcasters get in on the action and bamboozle a whole country, for some reason people just snap. I think there is a certain distrust with which people treat their friends. Mates are more or less expected to hornswoggle you from time to time. But when it comes to being outwitted by the media, it seems people just can’t tolerate it.

Why? Because I think many of us trust the media as a reliable source MORE than we trust our mates.

The media, after all, would never sneak bites out of your play lunch or exaggerate fish stories. The media has a responsibility to publish the truth! Unless its April Fools…

One of the masterminds of filching people’s pilches was the broadcasting baron itself, the

BBC. In what was perhaps the first recorded display of diabolical defrauding, the BBC recorded a three minute video in 1957 depicting a family in Switzerland collecting a pasta harvest from spaghetti trees. “For those who love this dish, there’s nothing like real, homegrown spaghetti”, said the anchor.

Amazingly, the British public was totally film-flamed, even ringing up to ask where they could get their hands on a spaghetti tree, to which the BBC replied “Place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best.” It’s that easy…

A Kiwi example of badly behaved broadcasting occurred in 1949 when Phil Stone from 1ZB radio announced that a mile-wide wasp swarm was buzzing their way to Auckland. He suggested staying indoors but if going out was necessary, he instructed people to tuck their trousers into their socks.

At the perilous risk of looking like an absolute nong, people obliged.

Others even left honey on their doorsteps in an attempt to appease the bees! Craziness! Unfortunately, the Broadcasting Service and Bumble were not amused and denounced the hoax as horrible.

COLUMN

Not to be outdone in stupidity however, our nonsensical neighbours across the Tasman had a humiliating hoodwinking of their own. In 1975, an Australian news show announced that the country would be converting to “metric time”. This meant that there would be 100 seconds to the minute, 100 minutes to the hour and 20 hours each day. Seconds would be renamed millidays, minutes would become centidays and hours decidays. Many Australians were taken in by the prank, going to watch stores to buy metric time watches. The rest of the country was too busy trying to get their head around the new system to bother.

The most celebrated spoof of all time however has to belong to the War of the Worlds broadcast in 1938.

Directed and narrated by Orson Welles, the broadcast was a radio adaptation of the H. G. Wells classic book of the same title. The alien invasion drama was announced in an informative news reporting style which convinced many American citizens that some serious ET shit was going down. Later studies suggest over one million people were in a state of terror over the broadcast.

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Technology in Classrooms: Digital Distraction or Helpful Learning Tool?

Alanna Caveney For Generation Y, does growing up digital make us wired for distraction? I’m sure we all remember a time where the teacher would roll the big television into the classroom and exclaim that today we would be watching a movie while a chorus of hushed cheers rose up around us.

Although technology has been known to help engage and guide students in classroom activity or assignments, it has also been known to distract them. Doodling in the margins and passing notes in class are things of the past; today’s forms of classroom distractions are the cell phone and laptop.

Most university students have either a cell phone in their pocket, a laptop in their bag, or both. If the mood strikes during a particularly boring section of a lecture, a student can put either of these to good use, texting friends or surfing the Internet until the end of the class, officially tuning out.

The use of a computer during class has an overwhelming number of possibilities, helpful and harmful in terms of productiveness. Take notes, check Facebook, email a lecturer, or update Tumblr. I personally feel that checking my Facebook or blog is the equivalent of a smoker’s break.

I do a certain amount of work to the point where I feel my mind wander. So I take a five minute break, get my head back in the right space, and continue on.

Out with the old, in with the new The problem is that kids these days are wired differently and lecturers are still trying to teach us old methods. Three hour lectures are no longer effective (I’d argue they never were that effective). You can’t force someone to sit perfectly still and listen while you PowerPoint them half to

24

death. Nobody is learning with that method. The Internet essentially feeds our need for instant gratification while a lecture sometimes doesn’t.

On the upside, students can Google a term or subject they’re not sure about in a large class as to not distract the teacher, and they can type more comprehensive notes.

Many teachers have decided to take back the attention of their students from their phones or computer by using the very same devices to do so. There are classes where all assignments are based on blogging, and some teachers use Twitter to share relevant

“Teachers must be facilitators, and help guide students to the right resources to maximize lessons.” links and information with their students. Even iPhones can be used to record long lectures so we can go over the sections again to see if we missed anything essential in our notes. Unfortunately, for this to be possible, a considerable amount of money has to go into purchasing these technological gadgets.

Schools must be sensitive to insuring that all students get equal access to the machines, and that kids who don’t have computers at home are given the chance to catch up to their more computer-literate peers.

In the United States in 1983, it’s estimated that there was about one computer for every 125 students in the nation's public schools. By 1995, there was one computer for every nine students. Now there is practically a 1:1 ratio in most schools.

With some textbooks and required readings costing in the hundreds and an average

laptop costing around $600700, give or take, courserelated costs were brought in to aid with the “here and now” aspect of school supplies. A laptop isn’t a necessity, as such, but it can help out a lot in the long run. I have a laptop, but I never bring it to school because I don’t want to lug it around.

I’m happy taking written notes, and the odd reminder into my phone, and I primarily use it at home so I can isolate myself to get assignments done. However, these sorts of things aren’t always going to be a possibility for everyone.

AUT Library and its associated computer labs are open until 10pm every weeknight (but get in quick to book one, especially around peak exam/ assignment time). And while we are also required to pay for our internet usage at school, it is beyond a fair rate compared to a home broadband package (five dollars got me through an entire year once). For those not able to attend school on a regular basis, they can now take online classes, the number of which has gone beyond the one million mark.

That is 22 times the classes available in 2000. This is a catalyst for change which will bring rising education levels and give a larger percentage of the population a chance at a qualification that can lead them into a great job in the future.

As we’ve seen in passing years, technology like the computer isn’t just going to fade away.

It is a growing empire that everyone should have a certain level of competency with in order to get by in our changing world.

Column

Teachers must be facilitators

Since the beginning of formal lectures, people have been bringing in side projects to keep them entertained, even before technology.

Crosswords, books, magazines, drawing pads, these are purely for entertainment with no connection to the class itself. Laptops, however, are extremely valuable tools for any educator. Teachers can open up the world to their students, through the use of a laptop. Research, the backbone of university papers, is increasingly conducted via Internet using the online library database of journals and relevant websites. It is a teacher’s job is to get their material and message out to their students in the most effective way possible.

Technology is quickly becoming the way to do that. The old lecture style is dying. Teachers must be facilitators, and help guide students to the right resources to maximize lessons.

And at the end of the day, there is always going to be some form of distraction for students. If we’re bored, we can’t help but entertain ourselves. However, we students are paying to be here and to get a formal education. I doubt the majority of us would allow our Facebook obsessions to overwhelm the fact that we have assignments with strict deadlines, and they need to be done in order to pass and eventually graduate.

We are listening, I swear!

1. Get red wine stains out by pouring some white wine over the stain, letting it soak for a bit, then pouring salt over it.

So I don’t know how many of you out there are actually classy enough to drink wine, but for the few who are, it’s a handy tip. I have actually tried this and it works. Legit. Saves you mega bucks on cleaning products.

2. Spreading egg whites over a burn. So, apparently this works but I don’t have the guts to try. But if anyone feels adventurous, give it a shot. Cool the burn with cold water initially, then separate some eggs and get that egg-white all up on that burn. You can even use the yolks afterward to make yourself some kick-ass spaghetti carbonara.

3. Lavender oil around door-posts and window frames keep mosquitos away.

I was driving home late one night and all the radio channels were failing with music choice, so I decided I would attempt super intelligence by listening to talkback radio. More than one person called in to say they do this. So next summer, break out that lavender oil and see what happens.

4. Keep whites white with half a cup of baking powder.

So I know what a pain in the ass it can be to actually keep your white stuff white, and Napisan is charging a fortune for its white wash powder, and bleach smells rank, so shoving half a cup of baking powder in with your detergent could make those puppies sparkle again. Better yet, shove some lemons and the white top in a giant pot and just cook it. The sun also has a natural bleaching effect, so if you’re a really cheap dude, just shove your stuff outside for extreme periods of time.

5. Lemon juice or aspirin for sweat stains.

Not sure for how many people this would apply to, but for those mighty perspiring people, if you squirt some fresh lemon juice onto the stain, or dissolve two aspirin in half a cup of warm water and rub it on, it’s said to remove those stains. (Don’t know if it works on all stains, so I am not liable if it fails. Lemon juice is also a natural – although much slower - way of lightening your hair).

Ok, so I am not sure how many of you people out there really bother with this stuff, but my inbox has been getting spammed by people forwarding those ‘home remedies’ and I thought I might just share it – clearly the universe is trying to tell me I have to otherwise I will wake up and have a billion years of bad luck.

6. Open your car door (with central locking only) though your mobile. I am sure many of you have heard this before, but I think it is weird enough for me to mention, just in case this works. Basically, if you are stupid enough to lock your keys in your car and you have central locking, call someone at home with a spare unlocking thing, hold your phone about a foot from the door and get the other person to press it. Apparently it works…

7. Lemons - cure for rust stained fabrics.

So lemons are turning out to be like the Penicillin of the inanimate object world. I’m starting to wonder if lemons are the answer to everything.

8. Remove soap grime with grapefruit halves sprinkled with salt.

This is bizarre on so many levels, it might just work. Wet the tub or shower a bit, sprinkle the salt and then scrub the grapefruit half around, ‘juicing’ it slightly as you go. Super bonus – your bathroom will smell awesome afterwards.

9. Iron baby powder into white shirts to keep those sweat stains away.

Back to the sweat stains… awesome. But apparently, shoving some baby powder under the arms and ironing it, keeps the stains away.

10. Cornmeal removes grease stains.

So when you’re at home eating fish and chips or whatever, and spill something on that beautiful, light coloured couch you borrowed from your clean-crazy mother, shove some cornmeal on it for 15-30 minutes and then vacuum to remove. My question is this: who the hell has cornmeal at home?

COLUMN

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Morgahna Godwin

LOLZ Q: Why does Snoop Dogg Carry an Umbrella??

A: Fo' Drizzle What kind of bee produces milk?

A boobee Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

What did one piece of Sushi say to the other piece?

Wasabi Dad: Wanna hear a joke?

Son: OK Dad: Sex. Son: I don't get it...

Dad: Hahaha, of course you don't get it.

Guy 1: Know any jokes about sodium?

Guy 2: Na Why was the washing machine laughing?

Because it was taking the piss out of the underpants On a cold, cold night two bulls are standing in a field. One says "Boy it's mighty cold out here!", the other says "Yes, I think I might slip into a nice Jersey".

Kourtney Kardashian, Kylie Jenner, Kendall Jenner, Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian

This week the Kardashian’s have been in New York, so my social media feed has been over run with the Kim and Kanye situation (sorry to the haters). I went out the other night and Kim and Khloe were in the West Village. It was a little strange. Those women look flawless in real life. Their image is not as much of a facade as you think it is.

Anywhom, this is how it went down in cyber space: Kardashian’s arrive in NYC:

Kim Kardashian @KimKardashian “Oh how I’ve missed you New York!”

Robert Kardashian @RobKardashian “Just touched down NY…”

KhloéKardashianOdom @KhloeKardashian Knock knock Who’s there?

Jarred held back a tear as he realised his mother’s Alzheimer’s was getting worse.

“Crack is wack! “@RobKardashian: Just touched down NY...”

Every New Yorker then initiates their “Stay away from SoHo & the West Village” emergency plan:

KhloéKardashianOdom @KhloeKardashian Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk.

Q. Did you see Dolly Parton’s new shoes?

A. Neither did she.

What does Will Smith leave behind after Committing a crime?

Fresh Prints.

“Family day in NYC” -

In other more important news the comedy awards happened on Saturday night in New York City. Robin Williams received the Stand Up Comedy Award. God I love Mrs. Doubtfire but this woman obviously loves him more:

DG @Donna_Gallers

“I’m not ashamed to say I’m watching Mrs Doubtfire for the second time in a week. I am, however, ashamed to say I wanked over RobinWilliams.”

And finally in news from New Zealand, to anyone that cared Sara Tetro is NOT on facebook.

Sara Tetro @sara_mail

“I’m not even on Facebook”

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Media

Q theatre Saturday April 28 It was a night of pelvic thrusting, tight glitter pants and more sexual innuendos than you can poke a sausage at.

And no, I’m not talking about your Auntie’s 40th birthday party; I’m talking about the Irish comedy glam-rock trio Dead Cat Bounce. It takes a talented and charismatic band to play an energetic and entertaining set but to make the audience laugh as well is a whole new ball game.

Keep an eye out for the Windows U Crew around campus Do a trial, get a USB It’s that easy Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/windowsucrewnz Follow us on Twitter: @WindowsUCrewNZ

On first impressions, Dead Cat Bounce looked straight out of the seventies with their shiny Pantene locks and so-tight-it-hurts pants. Their costumes however did by no means surpass their awesome musical ability. Bass guitarist Shane O’Brien (Irish name much?) looked exSpinal Tap sporting a gorgeous handle-bar moustache and a head band while drummer Demian Fox’s playing was as tight as his wee ginger ringlets. Lead vocalist and guitarist James Walmsley looked very Jim Morrison-like peering out from behind his luscious hair between blistering solos.

Opening with a song about Chinese food-smuggling in airports, the band had the audience in hysterics straight off the bat with their curious ramblings on illegal pots of stew. From then on, DCB hit up all the hard issues, leaving nobody safe from their hilarious social commentary.

Christians in Love tackled the awkward first time on the wedding night, leaving nothing sacred with lyrics like “rubbing away like they’re getting a stain off a carpet” and “flapping about like a couple of trout in a puddle”.

DCB proved their versatility time and time again with a drum and bass comedy jam, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air rap and the not-so-cutesy children’s song Down on the Farm which exposed the sinister truth behind what farm animals really have to say. A few other song titles you can ponder over include Leeroy the Homophobic Penguin, Cormac the Dancing Accountant and Overenthusiastic Contraceptive Lady.

What most impressed me however was the band’s unwavering dedication to character. Fox was ever the lovably cheerful but dim-witted drummer, O’Brien the big-balled, big-bassed grouch and Walmsley the mysterious and vain lead singer. I would have enjoyed a little more participation with the crowd and I think the set list could be tweaked a tad as some songs went down a lot better than others. But the end result? A brilliantly believable and excellently executed pot of Irish comedy gold. The songs are genuinely funny, the music is catchy and well-crafted, the band banter is natural and the audience lapped it up.

Matthew Cattin

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GISH - Gish-takes

Which act are you most looking forward to in this year’s Comedy fest?

“Mine. I’ve been quite busy up and down the country promoting it.”

What would you say is the secret to your success?

“Not many people do what I do – some people write songs as part of their gig, but not as the whole gig.”

So there would be rival Gish’s around the world?

“Yup, in New Zealand there’s Simon Penny and Mark Short – but they aren’t fulltimers like me.”

Where does the name Gish come from? Is it from the Smashing Pumpkins soundtrack?

“It was actually a name my mates used to hassle me with because of my long hair and scraggliness, just ‘cause I’m all over the place. They were like ‘Mate, you’re so all over the place, you’re like a big Gish, you should do something with your hair’. It just stuck. I didn’t even know what the word meant.”

Do people dig the long hair and blanket?

“Yup – people like on the blanket pretty hard.”

What’s the weirdest heckle you’ve ever had?

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Meet Gish, the act behind this year’s show Gish-takes. A seasoned Auckland comedian, you can notice Gish from afar draped in long black hair and a blanket. He caught up with Danielle Whitburn last Friday to discuss vhis new show and the NZ comedy scene – a little hung over but still keeping it classy.

“I don’t know about the weirdest, but people often hum or sing the original song, or their own version they think’s better during my act. It’s really frustrating and annoying.”

If you could say NZ Comedy as a type of animal, which animal would it be and why?

“The first one that comes to my mind is a hyena – a laughing hyena! It’s really messy and runs along with packs. Yeah, that’d be right. Although that would only be from the comic’s side, not from the audience’s side.”

What do you think it is about song parodies that work every time?

“I don’t think they do work every time – it depends on your storyline and where it’s going. I’ve had a lot of songs where I’ve worked on the storyline and the lyrics, and then on the music, and then put them together and they sound awesome – but not on stage. To be honest, some of them really sucked!”

What is the piss-take song you’re most proud of?

“I’m proud of heaps of stuff – some of my stuff just accidentally works.”

Could you give me an example of an accidental hit song?

“Yup – it would be Live Forever from Oasis.

I don’t know what happened with that song – I had the tune together and then the words ‘date rape’ just came out of my mouth, and it was awesome. But there’s a bunch of others I’m really proud of too.”

FEATURE

Axis of Awes

With the help of an unknown Yo tweet by Ashton Kutcher, m overnight, but not without s Auzzie pals Jordon Raskopou their interest in theatre and mus have a shot at something new.

– The Axis of Awesome – was of the song ‘4 Chords’ at the M it went viral. It soon found its w it: “@aplusk I’m watching “A the video had 5 million hits Raskopoulos fills us in on the re Tour 2006, throwing in

Is this the Axis of Awesome’s first time in New Zealand?

“That’s correct yeah, we’ve kinda been all over the place and New Zealand was a place we’ve always wanted to visit but never had the chance to get there, so we’r really excited.”

What can audiences expect from your latest show?

“Well, we’re three human men who sing comedy songs for about an hour so that’s what we’ll be doing. We’ll be playing parodies through to original songs and playing our popular songs from the internet as well.”

How did you guys get together and create the phenomenon that is The Axis of Awesome?

“We started out doing theatre shows and stuff like that. Benny was the musical improviser and we started this side project and it kind of ballooned. I think the great thing about our group is that Le and I come from a comedy background but Lee’s background is music and he ha a couple of degrees in music and music theory, so it means that when we write comedy songs there’s a good platform in comedy and a good platform in music so the songs just aren’t funny, they’re also quite good if I must say so myself.

People just want to hear them over and over again. I think you’ll find a lot of musical comedy acts are either really goo musicians or really good comedians and

Nigel Moffiet

some World Tour 2006 – six years too late!

ouTube user, some surprise airplay on BBC Radio 1 and a random musical comedy group The Axis of Awesome literally shot to fame some good old fashioned hard work. The comedy trio (made up of ulos, Lee Naimo, and Benny Davis) came together in 2006 through sic; bored with the Sydney improv comedy scene, they decided to . In short, this is how “the world’s most awesomest comedy band” s born. But what about that tweet? Well, after a 2009 performance Melbourne Gala, a kid posted a video of the show on YouTube and way onto Ashton Kutcher’s computer screen and he tweeted about Axis Of Awesome” and it is AWESOME with an A+”. Within a week s and now it has more than 22 million. Speaking to debate, Jordon est of the story and gives us a few words on their upcoming World n a bit of admiration for the Flight of the Conchords while he’s at it!

s

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s

is

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we like to think that we have both.”

You most well-known song ‘4 chords’ exploded on Internet – did fame seem to hit you over night?

“A little bit, it went in waves. I remember once we just suddenly got a hundred MySpace friend requests overnight, this was when MySpace was not shit. Someone had played the song ‘4 chords’ over the radio in the UK and that started a bit of a push but then a year after that Ashton Kutcher tweeted about it and then there were five million hits within a week and it kinda went crazy.”

How did the ‘4 Chords’ song come about?

“It was Benny’s idea originally. He worked in a pub doing covers and eventually he got to the point where he was like ‘those were like the same chords to the last song I just played’ and then it went from there.”

So the song was put on the internet by a fan?

“Yeah, we put it up and then everybody else recorded it off the telly and they put it up and that was the video that went viral.

The one on our channel has a few million hits but the one with 22 million is on someone else’s channel.”

You spent a bit of time

touring the U.S. How was that experience for you guys?

“It was amazing, it’s a really different place. One of the strangest things about the U.S. is they’ve got a very different attitude towards comedy. In a lot of comedy clubs they see comedy as just one plug and a microphone. People get baffled when someone brings music along to it and sometimes it’s difficult ’cause they don’t have the equipment. I think Flight of the Conchords really did blaze quite a trail there for musical comedy because Americans like comedy to be stand-up and they also like their comedy from America. So I think when the Conchords broke out there it showed comedy can be more than just stand-up and can be more than just Americans. So that’s really paved the way for a lot of overseas comics to make it over there and try that market.”

You also have a bit of experience at the Edinburgh fringe festival. What’s it like there for you guys?

“It’s great. We’ve done Edinburgh for the past four years and we kinda keep growing year after year. Last year we played in one of the biggest venues and had a sold out season and nearly 10 thousand people came to the show.”

Are there any awkward language A lot of your

FEATURE

Axis of Awesome

comedy takes the piss out of some popular songs and musicians – have you had any interesting reactions as a result of this?

“A few yeah. We do a song called ‘Birdplanes’ which is a parody of the Five for Fighting song ‘Superman’ and the guy that wrote that song tweeted us saying that he heard it and he loved it. One of the coolest stories we’ve had from a musician is a British musician called Paloma Faith, and she came up to us when we did a gig in the UK and said when people play those chords she shows them our video and says I’m not singing to those chords.”

What’s some of the comedy out there that’s inspired you?

“We all grew up watching Monty Python and I think a lot of people end up forgetting the music in Monty Python as well. One of my favourite bands growing up was the Presidents of the United States of America. I kinda listened back to one of their old albums and I was like ‘this is probably my biggest inspiration in terms of music that was a little bit quirky and funny and stuff’.”

Is New Zealand part of a bigger world tour for you?

“Yes, this is our Axis of Awesome World Tour 2006 – I don’t know why we called it that but we thought it was funny at the time. All the printing places have rung us up and said ‘I think there’s been a print error’ and all that. So yeah, next stop New Zealand.”

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anna wintour winter natalie joos summer

Morgahna Godwin

www.thisismorgs.com

In order to help you understand the premise behind this article I must first explain to you what happened last Saturday night. Let's begin.

My friend then suggested we go to a party in the West Village, I of course agreed. So we start heading to the West Village which is yet another shift in fashion. The West Village and Meatpacking District (though New Yorkers would say they're completely different) are generally where working professionals, models and actresses hangout. The party I ended up going to made me feel slightly underdressed. I ended up at a private members only club that happened to be inhabited, at the time, by a few Kardashian's. As a side note those women are, regardless of what people think of them, flawless in real life. In this club I was surrounded by women who had the money or the social status to afford anything they wanted. It was incredible. There is no way to compete with them on a brand bashing level, not that anyone should ever buy something just for the label. But unfortunately it is still a trend that is alive and well. The only way to - not so much compete with these women - but to be on the same level is to have style.

Good style goes a long way. Almost as far as a good deal of confidence. If you can master both then you won't be shunned to the corner. As Captain Planet would say, "powers combined and you can achieve anything". Boom.

hanneli maya summer

So it got me thinking. This city is actually the biggest fashion test ever. As well as having each different borough to dress to you also have the extreme weather changes. For example the winter is built for inducing hypothermia and then summer is often unbearably hot.

I love looking in peoples wardrobes here just because I know I'm going to see such a range in clothing. It's nothing short of amazing. Going from trench coats to summer dresses is such an extreme change and one I'm not sure I'm entirely prepared for. However, it's a challenge I'm up for.

All photos by Tommy Ton

mary kate summer

maryna linchuk winter

Last Saturday night I went with some friends to the Upper East Side, knowing that I was going to have to leave them later on to meet another friend. I was unaware that the party we were going to was on Upper East Side; a place traditionally known for being a little excessive. Just watch Gossip Girl. Luckily it was a fairly low key affair with no real need to dress up. Though I had dressed for the worst case scenario. At 10:30pm I left my friends to meet another in the East Village. For anyone who is unfamiliar with New York, going from the Upper East Side to the East Village is like going from Ponsonby to Otara. I met my friend and we went and had a few drinks at a bar. I felt a little over dressed but nothing too out of place.

The Lucky One

Dur: 101 mins Starring: Zac Efron, Taylor Schilling, Blythe Danner Dir: Scott Hicks

Rating: 3/5 Every movie starts off with an apt title; except, perhaps, The Lucky One. The first thing you notice about this film is that it is not as lovey-dovey as it appears. Nor, I think, is Zac Efron’s character the lucky one (Schilling’s character quite easily lands a lovely and hot piece of man with a child under her belt already). Initial preconceptions aside, however, it is not as bad as one would expect, despite casting an unknown actress and the previous lead of High School Musical. It is a Hollywood romance with a country backstory.

Logan Thibault (Efron) is a marine with a past he can’t forget. An unknown picture of a beautiful girl (Schilling) acts as a lucky keepsake during the war, which Logan believes kept him alive. Grateful for his life and suffering intense survivor’s guilt, Logan goes to find the girl to thank her for her bestowed luck. Only, of course, getting there he finds that she really is beautiful, whereby his eyes are instantly glazed over with love. To try and earn the love of Beth, he takes the role on offer of dog handler and pooper scooper, rather than telling her the truth. He trains dogs and runs free with the huskies, chasing after Beth and her son in the same cheesy, lovable way.

We all know what happens after this. The boy and girl fall in love; someone else tries to thwart their love; boy and girl stick closer together; boy makes mistake and loses girl; girl decides to take him back in a fit of passion. This film nicely sticks to that plot, although sometimes giving enough of a time lapse in between to wonder whether the inevitable will really happen. Just to make your heart beat that little bit faster, Beth runs after Logan a lot, just when you think she’s let him go (in fact, since she used to be a triathlete, she runs almost the entirety of the film). There are some good moments between them, too, and they do appear to have chemistry. Watch Perez Hilton’s blog to see if a relationship develops.

Highlights of the film? Well, personally, I was quite a fan of Blythe Danner’s character, who plays Beth’s mum. Beth could be a little annoying at times as a character, but her mother was always there to chuck some humour into the situation. Overall, much recommended if you’re in the mood for a cheesy romance that isn’t highly predictable. Taking boyfriends and/or other romantically-reluctant parties is not a good idea (unless you’re quite a cheesy couple yourselves).

Otherwise, it’s slightly above average, mushy-wushy, American goodness.

Danielle Whitburn

Portal Retrospective Review (by Valve) PC, Mac, PS3, 360

Rating: 5/5 First off, if you’re somehow completely oblivious to the existence of the game Portal, you should stop reading now. Drop debate, run to your car or bus or Segway, and get home quick-fast to install it. It may sound superfluous, but it really is an important piece of media from the last few years. Developed in 2007, Portal casts you as Chell, a woman with a portal-shooting gun (hence the namesake), attempting to make your way through a series of test chambers. The game is mostly comprised of puzzle rooms requiring you to move boxes, flick switches, and use portals in every conceivable way.

All the while a robotic voice explains your progress with sharp wit.

GLaDOS (Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System), the robotic voice, is now infamous all over the internet for that same humour. Delivered by voice actress Ellen Mclain, the subtle, clever lines give the character of GLaDOS real depth. Her humour is definitely on the darker side of things. Lines like “Cake, and grief counselling, will be available at the conclusion of the test” provide a snappy narrative backing for your adventure through the increasingly dark and unravelled building.

The game’s mechanics and narrative are quite deftly paced. As you start the game, you are without the portal gun. However the developers slowly introduce different techniques applicable for certain puzzles, one step at a time. You actually have to complete a fair few test chambers before you are able to shoot the two separate portals. Robin Walker, a developer at Valve, described it as Portal being “an extended player training exercise. We spend a huge portion of the game introducing a series of gameplay tools, then layering these tools into increasingly difficult puzzles.”

The story works in a similar way. GLaDOS is originally an uncomplicated robot explaining basic mechanics to you, but throughout the rest of the game she slowly becomes more and more complex and animated. The pacing with which GLaDOS becomes a real 3-dimensional character, whilst also revealing Aperture Science’s deep, dark secrets, is the real genius of the game. The puzzles may be confoundingly fun and intricate, but the darkly whimsical GLaDOS shines the brightest.

Some of the lines spoken in Portal are incredibly ingenious, especially in context. Comments like “Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record, followed by death” are tasty humorous treats thrown at you constantly. Neat touches like adorable, yet deadly, turrets spouting feedback like “I don’t hate you” when you knock them over, flesh out Portal’s inherent comedy. The writing of this game really is one of the greatest pleasures in videogame history.

While Portal can be finished firsttime-through in about four hours, every second of every minute is superbly satisfying and smileinducing. Even at five years old, and after finishing it upwards of ten times, Portal still makes me laugh with ease. The lines are just so unassumingly hilarious, seemingly without effort. I would highly recommend Portal to anyone who likes anything, particularly if you have a good taste for dry and dark humour. So for science’s sake, you better get testing.

Lachlan Hornell

Home Again Michael Kiwanuka

Rating: 4 /5

Blackboard Mobile Learn Rating: 4 /5 Thanks to the iTunes store feature Genius, I was fortunate enough to stumble upon the app “Blackboard Mobile Learn” (Based on AuSM Connect).

Blackboard is the platform AUT uses to host AUTonline.

The app, which is available for use on iOS devices as well as Blackberry, Android and Palm smartphones, allows you to access your current course information from your handheld device. Powerpoints, PDFs and word documents can all be opened and viewed in-app, as well as having the option to view them in your browser. Other features include the ability to create discussion posts, upload media, comment on blogs, view announcements and export files to other apps. The layout is similar to AUTonline, so I found the app simple to navigate. One thing in particular that I liked was that I only had to enter my login details the first time I used the app.

An internet connection is required, however these days one isn’t hard to find with wi-fi now available in public libraries, on selected public transport and on campus at AUT. Overall it’s a handy app to have and straightforward to use. I would recommend it to any AUT student. Oh, and did I mention it’s free?

Erica McQueen

Home Again is the debut album from British singersongwriter Michael Kiwanuka. It’s an album rooted in soul, folk and bluesy acoustic melodies harking back to the good old days when these musical elements were still being pioneered by the greats like Marvin Gaye, Bill Withers and Otis Redding.

Kiwanuka lists these musicians, along with Bob Dylan and Paul Simon, as great influences but he’s quick to dismiss the sound as ‘retro’. “There was no intention for my voice to sound old. The songs come out like they do because I like the sound of stuff like that,” says Kiwanuka.

That’s a good thing, because I like those kind of sounds too. Listening to Home Again you get a sense of timelessness that is hard to find. The album is mellow and laid back, but not in the sense that it fades into the background or in that ‘elevator music’ kind of way. The music is edgy and moody as Kiwanuka uses ‘home’ as a symbol of peace and contentment. Kiwanuka struggles for peace of mind in the track ‘I’m Getting Ready’ and the track ‘Worry Walks Beside Me’.

Stand out tracks include the opening song ‘Tell Me a Tale’ which starts off with breezy orchestration, horns and percussion while Kiwanuka’s vocals come on strong and loud before mixing up the tempo with a groovy bass driven verse.

Title track ‘Home Again’ begins with Kiwanuka’s simple but clever guitar picking melody and a more smokey sounding voice. The track really starts to take off a minute in when the percussion opens up and drives the melody along.

The orchestration and mood gets a little darker further into the album and one of the highlights is the track ‘Always Waiting’ which is one of his more sentimental sounding songs as he sings of his sadness and his aching soul as he waits for his special friend amongst a backdrop of harmonies.

Throughout these tracks Kiwanuka sings effortlessly, making his songs sound natural and honest and never forced. There are a few tracks on the album that don’t stand out as much as the rest but the overall sound remains consistent and promises many great things from Kiwanuka in the future.

Nigel Moffiet

You might know Wade Jackson, 39, as part of the comedy group The Improv Bandits.

Jackson also studies MindBody Healthcare at AUT. Soon, as part of the NZ International Comedy Festival, you’ll be able to catch him in his solo show Where’s Your Head At? The show explores the mind-body phenomenon in an entertaining way. To add to Jackson’s list of skills he’s fluent in Japanese, author of two critically acclaimed books, double world improvised comedy champion, triple black belt, master story teller and registered clinical hypnotherapist. He speaks to debate about his latest show.

What can audiences expect from your latest show Where’s Your Head At?

Doing improvisation, do you have any idea where the show might go?

“I’ve got a background in performing, healing and martial arts. I’m studying MindBody Healthcare at AUT. So this is a combination of all those different kind of hats that I wear all kind of coming together for a fun show that explores the whole mind-body phenomenon.”

“You don’t have any idea. You walk on stage not knowing what you’re going to do or say next. And there’s definitely an element to that with my solo show as well, it’s not a scripted show. I just have things I know I want to cover but I don’t focus on any scripts.”

What is the mind-body phenomenon?

That must get nerve racking at times?

“That’s a big question. Let’s just say this show is a fun and fascinating way to show how we can access mindbody power. I’ll how quickly the mind works and how you can free it up to think quicker. I’ll be showing things about body power, energy flowing and martial arts kind of power as well. It’s all about improving performance. What connects the mind-body is the whole energy flow. We’ll be showing in a fun way how energy flows around the body and how to enhance and also disrupt this flow. It’s not a stand-up comedy show per se. It’s not a lecture either but a fun look at how we can improve performance.”

How did you first get into comedy?

“I started at university 19 years ago. I started doing sketch comedy, stand-up and improv.”

“No, it’s actually very freeing. You don’t have to try and get it right because there is no right. People who aren’t used to that might find it nerve racking but when you’ve been doing this for 19 years you’re quite comfortable going with the flow.”

You study mind-body healthcare at AUT, can you tell us about that?

“I’m looking at the stories that we tell ourselves around illness and wellness. It’s a holistic look at maintaining health and improving performance.

It’s the research part of what I do in my career and the show I’m doing is all about making it fun and accessible for people.”

debate is looking for some super interesting AUT students to profile. Do you know someone at AUT who we should profile? Is it you? Email debate@aut.ac.nz with your suggestions.

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