Debate | Issue 8

debate ISSUE 8 | MAY 2015

CREDITS EDITOR Laurien Barks laurien.barks@aut.ac.nz SUB-EDITOR Matthew Cattin DESIGNER Ramina Rai rrai@aut.ac.nz

CONTENTS

CONTRIBUTORS Nigel Mckenzie-Ryan, Conor Leathley, Matthew Cattin, Mahafrin Variava, Amelia Petrovich, Kieran Bennett, Rhianna Osborn, Ethan Sills, Abigail Johnson, Julie Cleaver, Shivan, Nathan Fehr, Ali Thair, Alex Murphy

Pg 3:

ADVERTISING Harriet Smythe hsmythe@aut.ac.nz

Pg 20: Soundtracks to Sadness

Editor’s Letter

Pg 4: Vice Prez Sez

Pg 22: Judging Covers

Pg 5: Cool Shit

Pg 24: Don’t Blame John

debate@aut.ac.nz

Pg 6: Fun Police

Pg 26: Host with the Most

PRINTER Debate is lovingly printed by Soar Print

Pg 9: Advocacy – Drink Driving

Pg 27: Keep Calm, Label Palm

Pg 10: Faking Reality

Pg 29: A Slave to the Stripe

Debate is a member of

Pg 12: People I Will Never Understand

Pg 30: Reviews

Pg 14: Use Your Resources

Pg 32: Kids with Coffee

Pg 16: Thanks to You

Pg 33: Recipe

Pg 18: In Short

Pg 34: Puzzles

Contributions can be sent to

the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”). Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM. DISCLAIMER Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, Soar Print or its subsidiaries.

Cover image by Ramina Rai

DIRECTORY

AUSM.ORG.NZ

CITY CAMPUS Level 2, WC Building ph: 921 9805 Mon-Thurs: 9am - 5pm Fri: 9am - 4pm NORTH SHORE CAMPUS (Temporary Location) AE112; Office D ph: 921 9949 10:30am - 1:30pm

SOUTH CAMPUS MB107 ph: 921 9999 ext 6672 Mon-Thurs: 9am - 3:30 GOVERNANCE & LEADERSHIP April Pokino april.pokino@aut.ac.nz

MANAGEMENT Tuhi Leef tuhi.leef@aut.ac.nz

VOLUNTEERS Romulus Swanney rswanney@aut.ac.nz

STUDENT MEDIA MANAGER Victoria Griffin vgriffin@aut.ac.nz

CLUBS Josh Tupene jtupene@aut.ac.nz

ADVOCACY Siobhan Daly siobhan.daly@aut.ac.nz

FA C E B O O K . C O M / A U S M D E B AT E

EVENTS Carl Ewen carl.ewen@aut.ac.nz

E D I TO R ' S

L E T T E R

Hey All, It’s officially five o’ clock on deadline day (the time we aim to get the magazine off to print each week). I was sitting at my desk reading over my pieces in Issue seven, scouring for grammatical errors to either fuel my happiness or deep rage with myself, and what did I discover? I discovered that the last two paragraphs of my “Bootyful ≠ Beautiful” article are missing a solid three hundred plus words at the end.

Now, for most of my articles, I’d let it slide. I mean, the published article isn’t exactly inconclusive. It’s just “tied-up” a little differently than I originally aimed for. However, I can't help but feel that when you start a piece of writing off by saying that not everyone is beautiful…you better damn well conclude that article properly and make your point more than just adequately. My heart would hurt for months if I thought someone read my article, and walked away without getting the #deeper #artsy point I was trying to make with that statement. I went on for about 1500 words (1200 were published…) to make a point about physical attractiveness and why it should play no role in the definition of the word “Beautiful.” It was aimed to be a feel-good piece. Boy, would I suck if people walked away feeling worse off because of a silly error (that was definitely my fault…I’m going to be honest, guys, I didn’t feel very beautiful when I discovered that mistake).

So without further ado, I give you the concluding 300 or so words of last week’s article. If you didn’t read it, well…the gist if it is below now, so that’s probably all you need, really.

“Whether we fall within the beauty standard guidelines or not, if you don’t feel beautiful, no amount of outside reassurance will convince you otherwise. And my point in all of this is...why should it need to?

Physical beauty is a trait. You may have it and not believe you have it, you may have it and believe you have it, you may not have it at all - none of those degrees of ‘beauty’ possession should take any kind of toll on how you see yourself. Because lack of ‘beauty’ does not equate to ugliness. Ugliness is unloveable in every definition of the word. Ugliness is a trait of much greater depth than the shallowness we have assigned the term ‘beautiful.’ Ugliness is no essence, soul, or purpose. Ugliness has no one giving it a hug and telling it it’s ‘beautiful’, ugliness has no one at all.

Not everyone is beautiful. But no one is ugly.

It’s not one or the other, with those two words.

I know the world won’t be redefining the word ‘beautiful’ any time soon. Partly because there’s far too much of a history and influence in its standing definition, and partly because the world already thinks it’s been redefined. The praise of “inner beauty” in mainstream culture is the predominant argument against my little rant, but it loses all effect when I point out that it would hurt my (and many peoples’) feelings less to hear the phrase “You’re not the brightest bulb” than it would to hear “You’re not the prettiest gal.” The day we change what it means to be beautiful; the day we can truthfully say that everyone is beautiful, will be the day that I can say “not everyone is physically attractive” without pointing out where my email address can be found for hate mail. It’ll be the day where physical beauty doesn’t come into account when a person says they feel beautiful. It’ll be the day when every “You’re beautiful” is followed by a “because” instead of a full stop.”

Have a great week everyone, Laurien 3

Your voice is important to be heard. You would be amazed how many different things AuSM can do for you. It may be as simple as offering up a board game you can borrow to relax with, or helping you hire out our lodge. Have a good look at our website to see what you can find. There will be food and prizes!

If you are getting bored and want a new hobby, or are keen to meet some new people and try new things - why not join a club? AuSM has a list of clubs you can join and be a part of.

I am a part of the TKT (Titahi Ki Tua) club, which is the Maori Student Association. I’ve been in it since my first year of uni in 2012. I am also a member of the LOL club, which is the League of Legends club. If we don't have the club for you, don't worry!

You are allowed to make a new one! For more details, please contact Josh Tupene his email is josh.tupene@aut.ac.nz or visit the AuSM website!

So, the random fact about myself this week is something very personal that not that many people know. It is something I am still trying to understand as I was recently diagnosed with it.

It's something I always thought I had but didn't know where do go for help until I was in my second year of uni. I have a very high level of dyslexia, which is a learning disability. I had always needed to be tested but wasn't sure how, or couldn't afford it.

So one day I just walked into an open door of the AUT disability centre, and they explained to me that I could get all the testing done for free with them. They keep everything completely confidential, making you feel so much more comfortable. I am hoping by opening up with you guys that maybe it gives the confidence to at least one other person to go a get the help you deserve. You have worked this hard to get here, so why not? It’s free.

If you see me around campus or at events or free feeds, please don’t be shy to say hi or let me know what’s up. If you are too shy or busy please feel free to contact me on urshula.ansell@ aut.ac.nz , or come to my office at WC inside the student lounge, I’ll be there waiting.

Please don't forget our AGM is coming up on the 19th of May, so make sure you keep an eye out for it.

“With confidence, you have won before you have started” Marcus Garvey

VICE-PREZ SEZ Kia ora!

Study tip: find the space that works best for you.

Communication Studies degree. I know that uni is a long and hard road. Sometimes ‘throwing in the towel’ seems to be a favourable option (I have had these thoughts). But once you find the right support systems and your unique way of doing essays, reports, and exams, it becomes easier and somewhat “enjoyable.”

SRC SEZ Hello, Welcome? Is it too late to welcome you to 2015 at AUT? Better late than never I suppose, so welcome. I'm Jordon Milroy, the AUSM Disability Affairs Officer for 2015. This is my second year in this role and my final year at AUT. I want to share a quote with you: “Ehara taku toa i te toa takitahi, engari he toa takitini” - My success should not be bestowed onto me alone, as it was not individual success but success of a collective. This quote should/can inspire you to embrace who you are as a person with a disability, enjoy university life, work hard, but not be afraid to ask for extra help along the way.

This is my fifth year at AUT. I have a Certificate in Social Science, and am currently working on my last year of a

As this is my second term as Disability Affairs Officer for AUSM, I have developed a deeper understanding of the diversity of students with disabilities here at AUT. Some disabilities can be seen and some are less noticeable. This diversity gives us, as students, a great voice in how to we want to shape AUSM and AUT today, and for years to come.

I invite each and every one of you to be active in this change by voicing any ideas or concerns you may have to myself or AUT Disability Student Support. Email me at jmilroy90@ hotmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you, let’s make 2015 a great year. Remember to work hard, study smart, and have fun!

I will leave you with another quote to think about. “No one goes to University to change society’s views on disability. But when a person walks, rolls or crawls across the gradation stage - society’s views are changed.”

Kind Regards, Jordon Milroy Climbing to new heights! www.jordonmilroy.com | www.facebook.com/jordonsclimb

COOL SHIT

LUSCIOUS LA SHES 24/7 Maybelline’s got your lashes covered not once, twice, but seven times over!

Seven different mascaras for every day of the week. Smokey Eye Saturday, Mega-Plush Monday, Falsie Friday…it’s like a walk-in wardrobe for your eyelashes.

BOY OH BOY!

SHADES OF GREY

We haven’t forgotten about the men around campus this week! The Leonardo Skincare range for men combines the power of research and science with the natural properties of nature’s own fruit and berry extracts to form the base of their skincare range. We have two kits to give away that contain moisturizer, after shave balm, shave gel, and shave cream – worth $80! The first two people to Facebook message us with a ridiculously cool emoji win!

L’Oréal Paris introduces all the nail hues you could desire this season. This giveaway pack contains the new Colour Riche Le Vernis Shades of Grey collection – five limited edition shades for winter. You’ll have a shade to match every mood, outfit and occasion! We have two prize packs to give away, valued at $50.00 each. These prize packs will go out to the people who can make the most creative drawing – using a tracing of their hand as a starting point. Leave your masterpieces in one of our red stands, and don’t forget to include your email address!

You can also check out Leonardo Skincare online at: www.leonardo-skincare.com/

5

FUN POLICE

by Nigel McKenzie-Ryan

A few weeks ago, comedy veteran, Jon Stewart, announced that South African comic, Trevor Noah, would take his big, comfortable seat presenting The Daily Show. Skip a few days later, and he became subject of a massive ‘outcry’ regarding a few jokes he cracked on Twitter… jokes he made over a year ago.

Now you may be asking, ‘Nigel, why the hell are you writing about this? You said this happened over a month ago. In this fast paced world of instant messaging and HD porn streaming, it might as well have happened ten thousand years ago! Write about something recent, like how John Key pulled that girl’s hair!’ By the time this is printed, you’ll probably be eating your own hypothetical words, as someone else would have fallen into another swarm of fake-outrage.

What really pisses me off about the Trevor Noah thing is that his ‘offensive tweets’ were cherry picked, they were posted years apart. Some joyful little cherub read through his twitter and picked out the little for the sole purpose of discrediting him… That’s some goddamn psychotic behaviour. Let’s put this in perspective. Say you’re applying for your dream job, everything’s going swimmingly, you’ve got past the interview process and you’ve got your toe in the door. Until one morning, you find someone you had never met had called your boss and told them that you were angry one day, and spat in a shitty customer’s burger while you were working at McDonalds when you were Year 12. This goes beyond tall poppy syndrome, this is outright psychosis. The worst part of the jokes is that they weren’t particularly smart or funny. First one is from 2009. ‘Almost bumped a Jewish kid crossing the road. He didn't look b4 crossing but I still would have felt so bad in my German car!’ 3/10 - would laugh at if I was 12. The next one is from May of 2014, ‘Behind every successful Rap Billionaire is a double as rich Jewish man. #BeatsByDreidel.’

7/10 - Good pun. These jokes are about Jews, so Trevor Noah must hate Jews right? Yeah, of course. But, John Stewart, is a GI Jew; an all American Hebrew. Why would he hire someone so anti-Semitic? Oh wait, that’s right!

Because he isn’t a social idiot, and knows that he is joking!

Kidding! Fooling around! Taking the Piss! Noah also goes after fat women and many other ‘sacred cows’, but in 2011, he posted this: “I always wonder why atheists don't spend as much time questioning Satan's existence.” That’s pretty offensive. Many people view atheists and Satanists as synonymous! They’ve been persecuted for centuries by people of all faiths, even today. How come no one in the media used this quote in their snippy little articles? I have to give the social justice warriors credit though, it was awfully progressive of them to go after a black comic for racism for once. Good on you.

People are stupid. They laugh at many terrible things that comedians say, but get uppity if something hits too close to home. American comedian, Doug Stanhope, noticed he got more grief for making passing comments on diabetes during his sets than for his long-winded jokes about molesting football players during Super Bowl matches (that’s not a lewd hyperbole, he actually did that during a special. It’s ten minutes long, and beautiful). Trevor Noah sums it up in a tweet: “Some people like comedy until you make them think. You laugh at Zuma jokes but can't laugh at Apartheid jokes? #voetsek” Who the hell decides what’s okay to joke about and what’s not? Well, that differs from person to person. One of my comedian friends said the most important skill a comic can have is that of ‘reading audiences’. Basically, you don’t fire off Holocaust jokes at a bar mitzvah. The internet changes all that, especially

social media. If you can tell the ENTIRE (developed) world something, should you mince your words to avoid offense? No. Anything can be offensive, don’t you see?

Oh my God, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to say ‘see’, that would be offensive to the blind. Oh no, I shouldn’t have said ‘Oh My God’, that’s offensive to Christian people. Oh no! I shouldn’t have said ‘people’ because that’s offensive to Furries! Either all jokes are okay, or they’re all not okay.

If you don’t like what a comedian is saying because they’re challenging your own sensibilities, I suggest you find a juggler.

If you don’t like what a comedian is saying because they’re challenging your own sensibilities, I suggest you find a juggler.

Most people know the difference between a serious statement and a facetious joke. When you’re at a live, high impact snooker tournament and the announcer says ‘Larry Gooseman is smashing Ivan Ivanovich Ivanovski,’ people don’t start screaming and calling the police and reporting assault. They understand the context of the words. If you go to a comic’s show, or follow a comedian on twitter or read a satirist’s writing, you know the outrageous things they say are facetious. If Jim Jefferies mocks the disabled, you know he’s doing it just to get a dirty laugh, but if Auckland Mayor and Chinese woman enthusiast, Len Brown, were to do the same thing, he would be tarred, feathered and burned. Pay attention to the serious, bigoted hatred that assholes like Michelle Bachmann, Benjamin Netanyahu and Tony Abbott spout out, because they’re the ones that do real damage. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my country to be led by someone who legitimately believes gays, or Muslims, or Christians are spawn of the devil.

I heard many people say ‘The Nazi’s told cruel jokes about the Jews to dehumanise them!’ or ‘The Rwandan Genocide gained support because racist jokes on the radio normalised hatred against certain ethnic groups.’

No, you goddamn idiots. I hear this shit a lot, in so many different contexts. Rap music makes people violent, death metal makes angsty white virgins shoot up schools, and now, video games make people sexist. There has been no scientific evidence to qualify these statements. Sincere messages of hate encouraged discrimination and hatred.

Nobody hears a few Muslim jokes and decides it’s alright to bomb mosques.

7

A fascist military is coming to annex us, but everyone’s too busy talking about how terrible Lil Jimmy is for saying ‘damn’ in class.

Years and years of indoctrination from shithead parents or other bad influences build a solid base of bigoted fuckwittery. Dark humour is like marijuana, it never killed anyone ever, but people are still afraid of it. That’s partly why it works, we laugh harder because we know we’re not allowed to laugh, like giggling at a funeral of an aunt because she has a dumb look on her clammy face. The world is a dark and scary place filled with violence, cruelty and sadness. We have to laugh in its face to prevent the dread from overwhelming us.

The worst part of it is, these goddamn socially-conscious shitbags have a plethora of enemies to go after. Here’s a couple off the top of my head: child labour, homelessness, corporatism, the American oligarchy, the fact that small brick houses in Mt. Eden cost as much as European chateaus, cheap, unhealthy food, global warming deniers, ignored human rights abuses in Saudi Arabia, transphobia, high suicide rates amongst men, the glass ceiling for women, conflict minerals, I could go on for DAYS. The last few months, I’ve been seeing some protests of TPPA around. The keyword here is ‘some’. I had no idea what the hell the thing was about and neither do a lot of people.

After some investigation, I found out that’s not by accident.

In sort, the TPPA is a trade agreement that contains a lot of nasty laws that restrict copyright freedoms, increase the cost of medicine, ban parallel importing, and worst of all, allow corporations to SUE governments if they pass laws that harm their profits! The documentation of the TPPA is being kept hidden from us, the public, because there’s no way in hell we’d think it’s a good idea. This is some straight up dictatorial shit, no question about it, and what is anyone doing about it? Fuck all! A fascist military is coming to annex us, but everyone’s too busy talking about how terrible Lil Jimmy is for saying ‘damn’ in class.

We can all rest easy at the end of the day, the forces of hatred that want to censor us and keep us divided always lose to the forces of love and fun.

Trevor Noah is still in line to be the host of The Daily Show. Bill Maher continues to be insufferably smug, albeit funny on his own show, and laughter continues to ring out around the world. Life is inherently ridiculous. People judge other people solely by the shade of their skin, we fight and kill for gods we’ve never seen or met, we spend billions on weapons to protect ourselves from hypothetical threats while our neighbours starve and die in the street, we complain that our countries are run by millionaire sociopaths, but continue to vote them into office. Our society has issues, but constantly denies their existence, making them fester. We think that if we just pretend that we don’t have a problem, then it’ll go away. No. We can fix the world, but we don’t do it by censoring what people say, and forcing them to adopt a politically correct, inoffensive opinion. Taking words away from people makes them all the more powerful! Think about the word ‘bugger’. Thirty Years ago, if you said that on TV, you’d walk into a wall of shit, but now no one gives a shit. Yeah, racism, sexism, bigotry and all other kinds of nasty things are everywhere in society. Let these ugly attitudes out of the cage and let them die. Humour is the gun that will hasten the process. At time of writing, here’s Trevor Noah’s latest tweet: ‘If we can’t find reasons to laugh then we will only ever cry. Happy and sad are two sides of the same coin.’

The war is over, if you want it.

ADVOCACY Q&A DRINKING AND DRIVING LIMITS Under 20s

Zero, None, Zilch!

Don’t even think about getting behind the wheel even if you only had a sip.

Over 20s

250mcg of alcohol per litre of breath OR 50mg of alcohol per 100ml of blood.

Q: How much is SAFE?

There is no one true answer here so DON’T TAKE THE RISK. The level of alcohol in your blood can depend on many different factors including, gender, age, weight, height, how fit you are, timeframe of alcohol consumption etc… There is no one decisive measure to say whether you’re safe or not until you give your name and address to the breathalyser.

Also, bear in mind that alcohol can linger in your system much longer than you might expect. Many appear in the District Court facing an Excess Breath/Blood Alcohol charge thinking they were okay after a couple of hours or even the next day. When you get pulled up at 9am in the morning after a heavy night out, don’t be surprised if you are still over the limit. You may feel completely sober after a descent sleep and/or feed, but alcohol can linger in your system and you may blow over the limit.

Q: My car is impounded, what do I do?

Well, we’ve all heard and seen it before, right? We know the worst ending to Drink Driving. It ain’t worth risking your life or other peoples’ lives!

You wake up the next morning and everything is slowly coming back. You were stopped by police on your way home, you were tested positive, you then had to take an evidential breath test at the booze bus, which you did. The reading wasn’t good. After this, it’s all a bit hazy but somehow you got home and can’t see your car in the driveway - DUDE WHERE’S MY CAR?!

In terms of legal costs. For first and second time offences:

2 possible scenarios:

COSTS

1) Your car was immobilised

Under 20s: 0-‐150mcg / litre of breath

Over 150mcg / litre of breath

0-‐30mg / litre of blood

Over 50mg / litre of blood

1.

Infringement Fee and/or

2.

Demerit Points

1.

2.

3.

1.

Criminal Conviction Max three months Imprisonment Max Fine $2,250 Three months or more Mandatory Disqualification

Over 20s: 0-‐150mcg / litre of breath

Over 150mcg / litre of breath

0-‐30mg / litre of blood

Over 50mg / litre of blood

1.

Infringement Fee and/or

2.

Demerit Points

1.

2.

3.

1.

Criminal Conviction Max three months Imprisonment Max Fine $2,250 Three months or more Mandatory Disqualification

• Accumulating 100 or more Demerit Points within two years will result in a three months driver licence SUSPENSION. • If you drive while suspended or disqualified, you’ll face a CRIMINAL CHARGE. • For third and subsequent offences (ones with criminal conviction result), penalty rises significantly for over 20s. Max two years IMPRISONMENT, Max $6,000 FINE and MANDATORY DISQUALIFICATION of one year or more.

Your car keys were taken off you for being over the limit, in which case normally a 12 hour stand-down period is given. You would have been told for how long the stand-down period is to be. You can recover your key/car once this period is over.

2) Your car was impounded

Your car was impounded as you were in trouble (twice) before with drink driving. I.e. this is your third time. Impoundment in this situation is for 28 days. You can recover your car from the car yard once this period is over and you’ve made payments for towing/storage. These aren’t cheap, and this will be on top of any legal costs you will face in court. So THINK TWICE before you get behind the wheel.

Note: if you don’t pick-up your car within 10 days from the 28 days, the car yard can apply to NZ Police to have the car disposed of to meet their cost for towing/storage. If you don’t want to lose your car, make sure you get in touch with them once the 28 days is over.

END NOTE This column DOESN’T promote drink driving in any way whatsoever.

BEST practice is, if you had ANY alcohol, leave your keys and DON’T DRIVE! This is the easiest and safest advice.

If you need basic legal advice on any criminal case you are facing (whichever side you are on), CONTACT US on advocacy@aut.ac.nz with your details and concerns.

9

FA K I N G R E A L I T Y

by Conor Leathley

For someone who holds reality TV in quite a low regard, I spent an unfortunate amount of time last weekend with my eyeballs fixed on the current reality star of the week, Bruce Jenner (sorry Arthur Green, you can wait in line with the rest of your girls).

As I was listening to Bruce explain to Diane Sawyer (and the world) about how he has never felt comfortable being a man; how he has always desired to be a woman, a thought struck me - shouldn’t we know this already, as people who tune in every week to see him and his family on TV? If this show were indeed portraying a reality, shouldn’t this have been clear to audiences? Isn’t that the point of reality television? To put people in real world scenarios that we can all relate to?

Now, full disclosure, I have actually watched more than one season of Keeping up with the Kardashians (having sisters will do that to you). With the beautiful daughters, the Olympic gold-winning stepfather Bruce (father to the Jenner girls), and the domineering matriarch Kris, I suppose I can see why the Kardashians have become a required viewing for vast amounts of people (despite its 2.8/10 rating on IMDB). Oh yeah, and a shout out to Rob. Can’t forget about Rob (that will be the first and only reference to Rob, so if you’re a fan of his, I would probably stop reading now).

The one season that I have watched from episode one to end was the period when Kim was married to Kris Humphries. As a sports fan, I was kind of excited to see a NBA player, that most NBA fans didn’t even know, on the show (all whilst fulfilling the contractual agreement that at all times, at least one Kardashian must be involved with a sportsman).

Yet after the divorce that came 72 days later, that was when I began to question the validity of the supposed ‘reality’ that is shown, especially with Kris Humphries accusing Kim of only marrying him as a ratings ploy for the show.

Is that emblematic of the reality TV that is consumed today?

Passing off reality as doing ‘normal’ people things, yet behind closed doors it is simply a manufactured plot point to further a story line and trick the viewers?

This isn’t to say, necessarily, that every reality TV show is fake. You could say a show like Catfish accurately sums up how many relationships are formed in this decade, how you believe something to be real because you see it on a screen, despite the fact that it may not be real at all (could not be any more meta than that). But to me, the most real life situations that take place through the television medium would be the fictionalised shows. Ironically, these can be relatable. I’m not sure how going to an island, or running around a city looking for clues, or eating bugs for a prize is relatable to society. However, a show about gay men (the show is called Looking) is something that is far more relatable. Heck, even Breaking Bad is relatable, when you get past the whole, you know, meth storyline. A man (Walter White) with limited means trying to look after his wife and disable teen, Walter White’s brother-in-law (Hank), constantly grappling with ideals of masculinity - the ideals and values in these shows are real, all without the guise of being a ‘reality’.

One of the most real events that has ever happened on a reality show would (unfortunately) be the X-Factor event that dominated world news. Quick recap - contestant Joe Irvine was ridiculed and mocked by X-Factor judges (and ‘celeb’ spouses), Willy Moon and Natalia Kills. They were quickly fired, after generating a wide-world reaction calling for them to lose their jobs.

This was reality because bullying is something that happens every day, in every sector of society. The reaction from the judges wasn’t something that was pre-planned (supposedly), meaning their visceral (and unjust) verbal assault was one of the most ‘real’ things ever witnessed on a TV medium, as well as the reaction that it generated and their subsequent firing.

BUT TO ME, THE MOST REAL L I F E S I T U AT I O N S T H AT TA K E P L A C E THROUGH THE TELEVISION MEDIUM WO U L D B E T H E FICTIONALISED S H OWS .

The X-Factor incident also posed a question to our society; why was it that event that caused almost everyone to join together on a united front? Is that a poor reflection on our society that these are the only things that people will agree with en masse? Maybe we were afraid that we were seeing too much reality, things were getting too real, and that frightened us? Or maybe that is why people watch reality TV. Because they know that it is a fallacy. By tuning in for half an hour to an hour of complete junk, people feel better about their lives. Rather than tune into the bleak world of the Walking Dead, why not watch someone fail spectacularly on stage (in front of a live audience) whilst attempting a rendition of Taylor Swift’s Blank Spaces.

Toward the end of his interview, Bruce reveals to Diane the dress that he intended to wear to their dinner that evening.

That single moment was more real than all of the hours that Bruce had spent on Keeping up with the Kardashians. This was the real Bruce, one that was no longer hiding behind a façade, and was comfortable showing the world what he had always dreamed of being. We finally saw, after ten years on a reality TV show, Bruce Jenner look happy.

11

PEOPLE I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND

by Matthew Cattin

Long distance runners.

Did you know that the singlet friction experienced by male marathon runners is so severe that their nipples can bleed? Now, I can understand running to catch a bus, to meet a deadline, or to the bathroom when you’re about to shit yourself, but long distance runners are a different breed – they just shit themselves on the go. Why? I’m not so sure… I’m not even sure they know why they do it anymore. The whole mentality behind mindless jogging just does my head in. What is their end game? What do they pound their feet into bloody mush for? The finish line? That’s the only logical explanation. It surely can’t be for the bloody nips, the worn out hips and the poo-stained jogging shorts.

Final page readers.

There is a special place in hell reserved for those who read the final few pages of a book before decided to start from page one. I remember on the day Harry Potter seven hit the shelves, my dad picked up a copy, read the last page, nodded his head knowingly, and put it back, much to the disgrace of the youngsters around us. However, he hadn’t invested in the series, so I reckon he’s right with God. I often wonder though if these awful, awful people approach other aspects of their lives with the same mentality. Do they perhaps read the punch line of jokes first, and then laugh at the beginning?

Do they prefer receiving unwrapped presents so there is no element of surprise? Are they premature ejaculators? I hope so…

Chronic Overtakers.

You’ve all been there… Driving at the speed limit down the motorway, and there is some impatient asshole sitting right on your tail, likely cursing your choice to obey the law and travel safely. After 30 impatient seconds, they pull into the next lane and roar past you, more often than not shooting you a filthy look as they do so. Ten seconds later, they’re already

behind another car, like a dog rushing up to sniff another’s rear. Not only is it dangerous driving, it is also pointless. Yes they may make a few hundred metres on you initially, but at the first intersection or red light, you often end up metres behind them once more. Chill out folks.

Unless your water has broken or you’re chasing a love interest to the airport, don’t be a douche behind the wheel.

Instalyfe.

I love photography, don’t get me wrong, but there is a time and a place my friends, a time and a place. Your meal has just arrived. It looks delicious. Hold up. Just hold up. It’s photo time. Your favourite band starts playing your favourite song. Hold up. It’s selfie time. I get it… I think… People like to document the high points in life. But there are times when the documentation of life becomes a priority over life itself. Yes, it’s a cliché topic, but deservedly so. Never before have humans been so hung up on documenting everyday shit. Whatever floats your boat I guess, but do try to enjoy your meal once in a while without the distractions.

Gossip mag subscribers.

I must admit, it’s a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine to flick through the odd Woman’s Weekly and have a giggle at the absurdity of it all. It tickles me to see the baby bump suspicions, the photos of celebs doing everyday things, and of course, the blatant body shaming. Despite their despicable content however, they leap off the shelves like freshly popped toast. I’d like to think the dedicated readers are simply having a laugh when they hand over their money, but the sad truth is some folks can’t live without the latest slice of goss. I’d like to be able to say “each to their own”, and move on, but those magazines surely do a lot more harm than good, what with their unhealthy messages interspersed with beauty advertising. Heavy sigh…

13

USE YOUR RESOURCES

by Mahafrin Variava illustration by Susan Murtaugh

Three words: Social. Media. Activism. Yes. That’s what this article is about. It’s about social media activism and really making good use of life’s many “free resources” available to you. That means if you’re bored already, or this isn’t up your alley; flip over to the next page. But if you keep reading, then congratulations – you’re probably willing to make a difference in the world, or you just agree with me!

I’m about to try and explain (using a computer screen, a keyboard and my words) – why I think social activism is important in today’s day and age and why as the next generation, you and I can be the change we want to see.

Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, YouTube, all accessible to many parts of the world (yes I’ve been careful with my generalisations) and millions of people log in and out of these mediums every day. You are one in a million (you’re welcome) and so am I. I read this quote somewhere and it went along the lines of “if you think something small doesn’t make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito “. It couldn’t be more apt for this article.

These days, we’re always finding excuses, or there’s always something keeping us busy. Studies, work, friends, family – there’s always something. And yet, somehow we still find a way to spare a couple of minutes (or hours in some cases) on Facebook. We log in, stalk a few people (maybe), chat with friends, and share a couple of posts, post photos, update our status… the same applies for Twitter, or SnapChat, or YouTube. So I guess my question is, if you’ve got all the time in the world to do all these other things, how can you not use what’s available to you to make a difference in the world!

Here’s my case for why you CAN (no pressure).

1) It’s all about your perspective. I’ll admit not everyone is the same. It’s your mind set! Not everyone wants to be political, or an activist, or not everyone is interested in drama and not everyone wants to be involved in social work, or human rights. You may just be the kind of person to use social media to keep in touch with friends.

I get it. We cool, that’s cool. But, have you ever thought about how you felt when you were put in a situation of difficulty and no one came to your aid? Or, when you felt really strongly about something and no one supported you in your cause? Or you just weren’t allowed to speak your mind? Hell, everyone likes to vent! I’m not asking you to be an activist. I’m asking you to merely change your perspective.

2) Globalisation and blurring the world’s borders using social activism. We’re all for travelling and globalisation. Everything is changing and as we speak, technology is crossing borders and so are terrorists, so are rapists, so are human rights violators. But so are ideologies. Blurring the world’s borders means that we’re always evolving and so is our thinking because everything is becoming more multicultural. Apply this to social media. We are now, in some way or another, connected with people across the world. Could you imagine that kind of power without limitation? (I’ll address this in the next point). We are constantly being influenced by social media; Vines are a good example of this. One guy started it and it’s gone off! So how can you influence someone tomorrow?

3) The power of social media. Use it for good things too! If we can connect with millions, we can change the lives of many. It is a tool we are not limited to use. You can post inspirational quotes, you can post memes, but have you considered publicly supporting a cause you may believe in, or your friends may believe in? This article is limited to activism, so that’s related to social issues and by no means includes religion (if you don’t want it to), or insulting people or spreading the wrong messages which do more harm than good. The great thing about social media is that it’s pure and real content. It’s not manipulated by mainstream media if it’s the common citizen posting. It encourages important conversations.

It gets people involved. We talk about subjects which are “taboo” to encourage the generations after us and perhaps even before us to think outside their box of limitations and norms!

4) Create awareness and educate. These days it’s all about competition, it’s about who can do it best and who knows more than the other to be able to do it well.

Where does this leave those of us that want to join the basic bandwagon of getting on to Facebook, tagging a friend in a Vine about “dez nuts”, and logging off again?

Again, I get it if that’s where you want to stay. But for those of you who want to do more, then read news articles, critique them, share them on Facebook for your

friends to see, encourage healthy debate, talk about the Nepal earthquake, support a cause and encourage your friends to do the same. Empower young people, keep them cyber-safe! I mean heck, how many people know about the human rights lawyer, Nasrin Sotoudeh, in Iran who went on a hunger strike for what seemed like forever just so she could have a fair trial, be treated well in prison, and visitation rights for her family! Or how many people know about the Indian soldiers who also fought alongside Kiwis and Australians in Gallipoli? We do not need to limit ourselves to anything. I guess in the same way – that’s the aim of coming to University isn’t it?

To broaden your horizons and broaden your mind! You don’t want to be someone who knows what everyone else knows, you want to know more!

I’m not asking you to be an activist. I’m asking you to merely change your perspective.

5) Finally, be the change you want to see. If you’re like me and you’re passionate about social change and social reform, then be the change you want to see! Child poverty in New Zealand among our very own? Who ever thought that this would EVER be an issue? The world has a generalisation of Western countries (and welfare states) and thinks that we are all rolling in money. But within our borders, we have issues too. Not talking about it, or not doing something to educate others around us, is only making it harder for us to get out of the cycle. In my opinion, by not speaking our mind, we’re contributing to the issue! Student rights? Talk about that. Support a friend who is shaving their hair for cancer! Support a club! Talk about the perks of being actively involved in uni. Do anything, but make your positive mark on social media. You can always sit behind a computer screen and complain about how things aren’t good enough, but what are you doing, as an individual, to see a difference?

I really and honestly couldn’t think of any way to conclude my article. So I slept on it and came back to it the next day, and I then realised that there was only one way. The ultimate way. The most unique way to end any article, ever. A quote. And not just any quote. A brilliantly written quote by our very own, very talented (very applicable to mature audiences)...Dr. Seuss (this one is from The Lorax), “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It's not.”

P.S: Share the same interests? Hit me up and we’ll have a coffee!

15

THANKS TO YOU

by Amelia Petrovich

Growing up, I knew that part of being an adult was having a job. What nobody told me was that actually, because you’re often broke as hell, being an adult is kind of about having multiple jobs. In the past four years or so, I’ve been a checkout slave, a Lotto guru, a boarding house assistant, a very terrible cleaner, and most recently, a mildly swanky waitress. It’s the latter role that I’ve been mulling over the most in the last few weeks in light of the whole John Key ponytail-pulling saga (and it is a saga, that man is a walking PR catastrophe, I swear). Hospitality is a weird and wonderful industry to be part of, full of addictive substances, hilarious banter and curious customers like our decidedly un-classy PM. You meet people from all walks of life equipped with all sorts of interesting perspectives and, just sometimes, the innate ability to be total wankers. I would like to take this opportunity to thank the people I’ve met working in hospo, wankers included, for all that they’ve taught me over the last year and a bit.

First and foremost, I’d like to thank the intriguing crew of old white men who sit down to lunch with us every Friday afternoon. You guys taught me that crazy, overt racism is still alive and well, not to be discussed in any normal situation but apparently acceptable to pull out of your expensive jacket pocket over generous helpings of Bluff oysters. I was helping my co-worker serve you lot tea and coffee, one of you sending him away to construct a slightly more refined espresso in the kitchen. He hadn’t heard you properly and had brought you a piping hot long black, to which you responded “Oh no, this isn’t what I wanted”.

“What was that?” my baffled co-worker asked.

You then turned to him, a wry smile on your face and quipped, “I said I was after a short black, sir… like yourself!”

All five of your friends chortled as my co-worker scuttled back towards the kitchen, coffee in hand. I know you guys are part of a very different generation to me, and truth be told, I don’t know the exact ethnic origin of my ridiculed coffee pal either, but I still don’t think I can condone that kind of crappy, racist humor.

illustration by Susan Murtaugh

Another person I’d like to thank and congratulate is the ridiculously cashed up gentleman who popped in to see us with his friend about a month ago. It was you who taught me that there are actually people in this world who are wealthier than the word ‘rich’ could ever convey. It’s one thing to be able to afford a 400 dollar bottle of wine to share, it’s quite another thing to be able to walk away and leave that bottle of wine

unfinished. That’s right, the pair of you sat down with a bottle of fermented grapes worth more than an entire month of my pay, and decided that you were tired of it after one glass each. Re-defining a word you’ve always known is an interesting thing for sure.

I once thought that a ‘rich’ person was a person who could afford really nice things; I now know that a ‘rich’ person is actually a person who can afford to waste really nice things.

It’s one thing to be able to afford a 400 dollar bottle of wine to share, it’s quite another thing to be able to walk away and leave that bottle of wine unfinished.

And to you, random guy eating way too many prawn canapés, you simply taught me that some people are massive misogynist dickbags! You called my male counterparts by name all night, but when I breezed through into the dining room, tray in hand, all I got was a condescending “Cheers, good girl”. I wasn’t being good or bad, I was doing my job, and if I’m wearing a name badge you should probably make use of all that cool stuff you learnt in year two (like, you know, reading) and thank me like a human being.

But after dealing with all of these really awesome people I think that actually, I have just one more hospo patron to thank. You caught me off guard when I was clearing your table, I’m happy I didn’t drop any cutlery in shock. You didn’t need many words or very long to make your mark on me, all you did was look me in the eyes and utter one short sentence: “Thank you, you’re taking fantastic care of us all tonight.”

And that’s how I learned that one cool human every so often could make the tidal wave of wankers seem completely superfluous. Thank you for teaching me that the good people aren’t gone and that y’all can still exist in a world of high-flyers and fine diners. Here’s hoping there are more like you out there somewhere - that way maybe every waiter and waitress can learn to laugh a little more at the ignorant ponytail-pullers of this ritzy, hospo world.

17

IN SHORT

THE #KYLIEJENNERCHALLENGE

SAFETY IN ALL NUMBERS BUT 1

By Rhianna Osborne

By Rhianna Osborne

It’s the latest, but seemingly not the greatest, craze storming the Internet. The Kylie Jenner challenge is trending worldwide with disastrous results.

The task encourages people to place a glass or plastic cup over their lips and to suck on it for approximately five minutes. A ridiculous amount of swelling then ensues, and voila! You’re Kylie Jenner.

For some strange reason, hundreds of thousands of young girls all over the world are falling victim to this craze. There have been thousands of photos posted of bleeding, cut, and bruised lips followed by captions entailing regret and, most of all, pain!

Has the media pushed us so far that we feel the need to take these extreme measures to feel beautiful? If this is the definition of beauty then call me a repugnant troll because there is no way in hell I would stoop to this level.

It saddens me that young girls only perceive what they see in magazines or online as beauty. To have all the riches in the world is not to be the most beautiful. The images we are shown of Kylie Jenner have been cropped, photo- shopped, and edited. Layer upon layer of makeup is caked on until what’s left is ridiculously far from the truth.

To achieve Kylie Jenner’s perfect pout, it would take a lot more than sucking on a shot glass. It is only now that plump lips have become desirable, simply because a 17 year old girl made them so.

To participate in this challenge is to listen to the messages that we are constantly bombarded with; that we aren’t beautiful the way we are. Well I say screw that. Following in the footsteps of a narcissistic teenager is not the answer. Confidence is beauty. So put on that bright red lippy instead, and rock the lips that your mama gave you!

As a teenage girl, I am constantly warned to be careful when out walking alone. Growing up in the haven of Tauranga has, perhaps, made me a little too relaxed regarding this issue.

However, upon moving to Auckland, I began to wonder if I really should be more cautious. Moving to a significantly larger and busier city meant settling into a new neighbourhood, and now, whenever I go out on my own, butterflies begin settling in my stomach. It is far too often that I stumble across articles of girls who have been stalked, assaulted, raped, and even murdered when roaming the streets. Sure, it scares the bajeezus out of me, but what’s the alternative?

I work as a barmaid and usually finish work at an ungodly hour. It takes me a mere five minutes to reach the safety of my apartment, but that doesn’t stop me from repeatedly checking over my shoulder, and jumping at shadows. The walk home typically resembles more of a run and by the time I reach the safety of my bed, my heart is still pounding.

According to recent Auckland statistics, almost 80 percent of people feel safe walking alone during the day, but that number nearly halves to just 45 percent when walking alone at night.

I don’t enjoy feeling unsafe in my own neighbourhood; in fact I think it’s ridiculous. In the wise words of Queen B, if I were a boy, nightcreepers would be the least of my worries. Yes, there are stories of men being attacked, but they are typically seen as out of the ordinary, and far more shocking. It angers me that when a woman is attacked, it is treated as just another unfortunate incident. Words are thrown about like ‘careless’ and ‘vulnerable,’ and people simply aren’t realising the severity of the issue at hand.

Whatever happened to security? To being able to wear something slightly skimpier than a trench coat without attracting unwanted attention?

I dream of a day where young women are able to go for that late night jog or walk those few blocks to meet friends without being on high alert. The fear of the unknown has dictated our actions for far too long.

MAN BUN ORIGINS

KEY SNIFFS LOCAL MAN'S CROTCH

By Rhianna Osborne

by Kieran Bennett

It’s the hairstyle that is sweeping the nations; the man-bun is well and truly here. It seems as though overnight, men from all corners of the globe grew out their hair, stole their girlfriends’ hair-ties, and the man-bun was born! The hairstyle has become somewhat of a pandemic, rising to stardom when everyone from Zayn Malik to Jarod Leto began sporting the do. So where has this ‘do’ originated from?

In yet another personal space related scandal, Prime Minister John Key has been forced to apologise after repeatedly sniffing the crotch of a cashier at his local supermarket. This comes two weeks after it was revealed that Key had been snipping off and saving the hair of a Penrose waitress. Many opponents to Key are now calling for a public apology and an investigation into how much of a weirdo the prime minister is.

Upon consulting Lord Google, the man-bun made its first appearance between the sixth and seventh centuries BCE, and was donned by none other than Buddha himself. It then reappeared many years later in 1825, when Prince Okundaira of Japan was depicted wearing what I would call a ‘bed head man bun.’ George Harrison of The Beatles then brought it back into fashion in the 1970’s, where it then appeared a few more times in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Saturday Night Live. In 1998, the character of Li Shang showed off his man-bun in the animated movie Mulan, complete with a red ribbon.

In the beginning of March, Key is reported to have visited a Parnell cafe and taken an interest in the hair of a waitress at the cafe. Over the following weeks, Key would return to the cafe and snip pieces of the woman's hair off, storing the pieces in a small box. Despite several protests on the waitress’s part, and an assumed knowledge of basic social convention, Key continued with his hair snipping.

When pressed for comment, Key described his hair snipping as "just a harmless prank". Only when the waitress was bald did Key think to offer some kind of apology, leaving a ham sandwich on the counter with a note reportedly saying "soz bout the hair".

However, it was most likely David Beckham who sparked the current man-bun trend when he sported the do on the field in 2003. 12 years on, and all manner of male celebrities have turned this unique hairstyle into a phenomenon. Who knows what the future holds for the majestic man-bun, perhaps it will be upstaged by the birth of the man-braid or even the manpigtail. Only time will tell.

It has recently come to light, however, that Key’s personal space invasion is not limited to hair with a Remuera cashier coming forward to tell media that Key would often come and sniff his crotch. The cashier, who did not wish to be named, told the press that Key would often come in, buy a bottle milk, distract him and then sniff his crotch. He said that he did not verbally tell Key to stop, but felt that "sniffing crotches is really weird" and that Key would understand that "normal people don't do that". The opposition is calling for a full investigation, while Key is describing the smell as “pungent and heady”.

19

SOUNDTRACKS TO SADNESS

by Matthew Cattin

When life serves me up a shit sandwich, I find it hard to relate to happy hooks and sparkling sonnets. I tend to instead delve headlong into some proper mood tunes, some real downer Debbie beats, and more often than not, I find it helps. Feeling as though an artist has been down to the bottom can sometimes be the only thing to help you look up and scramble back to the top. Here are a few of my favourites.

For Emma – Bon Iver

Sadly known by some as “that guy who covered Birdy”, Justin Vernon is one of the most innovative musicians of our time. As legend has it, his first album as Bon Iver, For Emma, Forever Ago, was recorded in an isolated cabin one winter, with nought but the wolves and bears for company. After breaking it off with his band and his woman, the icy north called his name, “Juuuustin…”, and he heeded the call of the wild. The album reflects this desolate time, with layered falsetto vocals (his only company), and what sounds like a rugged old guitar.

Despite the cold, the album creates a warm atmosphere, peaceful and reflective. It’s not altogether sad, however, and has the ability to make your melancholy days feel just a little brighter. Enjoyed best with wine and a log fire.

Hospice – The Antlers

The mother of all downers albums, Hospice is not for the faint-hearted. No, really, this shit is potent. A concept album about a doctor who falls for his cancerridden patient, each song brings with it a fresh bullet to pierce even the stoniest of hearts. As the sickness spreads, the relationship grows more turbulent, and the songs reach an almost unbearable despair. Each time I listen (or, whenever I can muster the courage) I am transported to a claustrophobic hospital bed, stressed out for listening but unable to escape. Musically, I found it took a few listens to register, and even now some of the tracks need a bit of context to work. But at the end of the day, it’s a story, and deserves to be listened to in one hit. Some of the tracks focus more on the atmosphere than the tune, so be warned, there are few pop hooks to be found here. But those who persevere will be rewarded with not just a collection of songs, but an unforgettable experience.

First Days of Spring - Noah and the Whale

An album that tackles all aspects of a break up, First Days of Spring does well to break the cliché and bring something fresh to the over-sung genre of love lost. Written about the lead singer’s split with exNoah and the Whale band member Laura Marling,

it’s a little bit Taylor Swift, only with less lipstick. What I particularly enjoy about this album though is its naturally progressive journey from pain to resolution.

Through the narrative you experience the initial hurt and confusion, the awkward encounters of a sexual rebound, the healing power of music, and eventually, the acceptance, forgiveness and promise of moving on.

It’s so much more than a down and out, “fuck that bitch” album, and if any of y’all are struggling to get over a significant other, I urge you to give it a spin.

Nebraska – Bruce Springsteen

Because no album list is complete without Springsteen, I give you Nebraska. While Bruce is best known as the arena-rocking, balls to the wall classic rock, one of his most critically acclaimed efforts was about as minimalist as albums get. Recorded on a four track in his bedroom, Nebraska was put together with the intention of fleshing out the songs with the E Street Band. However, the band and Bruce’s producers felt the album should be released as it was written and recorded, and the original bedroom recordings were mastered in a studio and pressed to vinyl. With only four tracks to work with, the songs have a stripped back folk feel with room only for guitar, harmonica, vocals, and a second guitar or mandolin. The songs tell bleak tales of down on their luck individuals, struggling to make their way in a hard old world. He sings stories of desperate Johnny, sentenced to life imprisonment for armed robbery, a Badlands couple who went on a violent killing spree and a young couple turning to a dark life of crime to keep afloat in Atlantic City. I won’t lie to you, it’s not a whole lot of fun, but if you like your folk dark, hopeless and extremely sad, by all means take a listen.

The Downward Spiral

How could an album titled “The Downward Spiral” be downers you ask? Great question, kids! Trent Reznor isn’t renowned for his smile, and his breakthrough sophomore sets the bar for depressing albums almost unattainably high. While the other records on this list are slow-paced and reflective, well that’s not really the style of Nine Inch Nails… Industrial sized and atmospheric, this album is heavy as sin. Recorded in the house of the famous Charles Manson murders, the album chronicles a man’s descent into deep depression. Best known for the sexually explicit Closer and the original Hurt (which Johnny Cash famously covered), the album pulls absolutely no punches in its graphic and twisted depictions of the downward spiral. With any luck, you won’t smile for weeks.

21

By Laurien Barks As much as we’d all like to argue the contrary, I think the vast majority of us go against the ol’ reliable cliché, “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” every now and again. It’s hard not to! Sometimes you just look at something and a giant helping of “nope” hits you over the head before you even get a chance to...well, give the thing a chance. I’m certainly no exception.

As much as I pride myself on my willingness to give most anything a go, there are a few things on this planet that I don’t need to try to know I’m not going to like them.

Clubbing If clubbing was a literal book, it’d have a cover that donned an image of a hundred sparkle/sequin/barely clad bodies gyrating against each other, and me standing in the middle of the dance orgy looking terrified.

It would smell like a sophisticated blend of sweat and sex, and if you pushed a button in the top corner (I realize this is now taking the form of some kind of twisted children’s book), you would hear a steady pounding and squealing - which could easily be mistaken for club music, but in actual fact would be a prediction of what my heart would sound like if it could cry. I may be constructing this particular book cover off of many years of club portrayal in films, 21st horror stories, and song lyrics, but I still can’t help but feel I will never be in any kind of mind-set to get low or tell anyone where the freaks at. This freak will be at home.

Raw Desserts So this book isn’t all that bad of a concept, but it’s chosen a cover that’ll make me judge it, and ultimately keep my distance, no matter how tasty/ healthy its products may be. I have no doubt in my mind that I wouldn’t mind (and even love) these kinds of dishes if I swallowed my judgement enough to get my butt into an establishment that served them. However, the fact that they come under the horrifically deceiving headlines of “Cheesecake” and “Ice cream” is what pushes me into Nopeland. There is no cheese in that cake, and that is not cream that’s been iced! You know that, and I know that, so why are you lying to me?! If you called it what it was; if you said “Here, have a slice of my soaked cashew and banana coconut gel on a crust” I would say “Thanks, now that’s a treat that makes me feel like I’ve been kind to my body.” But when you call that kind of concoction ‘cheesecake’, I know - despite the fact that I’ve acquired a lot of knowledge on the ingredients of raw baking from people who like to do yoga - some part of my subconscious is still going to be expecting cheesecake. And that means the taste-test is going to end badly for everyone. You can’t just swap the ‘a’ and the ‘o’ around in cocoa, and expect me not to notice and believe that it’s chocolate. Raw desserts are going to need to be given accurate covers before I stop prematurely judging them as ‘desserts’, and start judging them under the ‘hipster food’ category they belong.

JUDGING

Deep Fried Ice Cream On the opposite side of the ‘food book covers I judge’ spectrum, we have a dessert that is just TOO grotesque and harmful sounding to convince me to take a bite. Sure, desserts should be desserts, and blended balls of nuts and dates shouldn’t corrupt this sacred label – but at the same time, how much treat is too much treat? My humble little opinion forces me to declare that dropping balls of ice cream into vats of oil is too much treat. Kudos to anyone who’s open minded enough to look past this greasy cover and give this ‘book’ a go, double kudos if they managed to finish this dish and keep it down.

Call me crazy, but I like my ice cream (notice I said “cream” and not “frozen bananas”) unfried.

Little Robot Vacuums I think the one infomercial calls them “Roomba”? They’re little circular vacuums that go around your house and vacuum your floor like it ain’t no thang. Sometimes cats on the internet ride them and it’s hilarious. But my love for these robots stops at the 2:00am Youtube cat video binges, and I’ve judged them enough by their sales pitch to know that I will never own one. The whole slogan for these little vacuums is that you can just turn them on, and forget about them – meanwhile your floor becomes magically clean. I can foresee too many weekends, I’m home alone, chuck the Roomba on, play some music, dance around, make some lunch, hear the Roomba in the next room, forget that I turned the Roomba on like the commercials say I will, freak the heck out because I don’t know who’s in my house, barricade myself in my room, forget to take my lunch, get hungry, dig the gifted raw ‘chocolate bar’ that I boycotted two days ago out of the trash, etc. The struggle will be too real. And more realistically, how many times am I going to step on/trip over that bloody thing?

I’d rather haul the vacuum out, do it myself, and enjoy these bad boys from a cyber-distance.

Monokinis If Monokinis were a titled book cover, the title on the book would be the equivalent to “Harry Potter and the”...completely and utterly unfinished! Is it a bikini? Is it a one piece? I don’t know, and I hate it!

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate it for aesthetic purposes. Anybody that manages to actually manoeuvre the many confusing straps, cutouts, and holes of this trendy swimwear, will get my “totally bangin’” seal of approval for the sheer admiration I have of their patience and, to be honest, agility. I struggle enough with bikinis and undergarments (Dude! You can undo a bra with one hand?! I need two hands that

COVERS

belong to my mother to help get mine off half the time), I can’t imagine myself facing off to a stretchy, skimpy piece of fabric that, when not on a person, looks like a full-body thong. I definitely don’t need to dip my toe into this fashion choice to know it isn’t for me.

23

Why TV3’s Problems Go Behind Campbell Live

By Ethan Sills

For the past few weeks, my family and I have done something we haven’t done for a long time, and that’s watch Campbell Live.

It used to be a staple in our household back when it first began, as we followed him over from hosting the news to running his own programme. The only individual story I can clearly remember is an interview with Rove McManus where John nearly wet himself laughing, but the general tone and John’s personality always stuck out and made me a fan.

looming so close to his neck, my family and I, like so many others around the country, ensured we had TV3 on at 7:00pm to do our bit to keep the show around.

As a result of everyone tuning back in, the show has seen some of its highest ratings in years: on April 27th, the show got 419,410 viewers, losing to Seven Sharp by less than 50,000. The Friday before, hundreds of people marched on Mediaworks to deliver a petition against their plans to axe it. It would basically be impossible for TV3 to axe the show now that there is such attention on it, unless they want further bad publicity.

Things changed for me back in 2007. While recovering from surgery, I quickly became engrossed in Shortland Street’s serial killer storyline, an actual great bit of soapy drama the show has attempted and failed to replicate since. I quickly swapped John for Joey, and despite promising everyone I knew I’d stop watching once the Ferndale Strangler was over, it was a further seven years before I finally decided 7:00pm on TV2 was no longer where I wished to spend two and a half hours a week.

However, as Throng.co.nz, which publishes all the nightly ratings data for New Zealand, has pointed out in several articles, one of the issues is that people aren’t sticking around after Campbell Live to watch the rest of what TV3 has to offer.

Campbell Live, much like Seven Sharp and Shorty, are seen as ‘lead ins’ to the rest of the night’s viewing, with the networks hoping that watching the shows at 7:00pm will make sure a person keeps watching for the rest of the evening.

However, it was not until it was leaked that the show is now under review that I became encouraged to actively watch the show again. With so many other options now of what to watch – we have Sky and the hundred plus channels it offers, as well as the option of catching up on shows on MySky – there was never an urgent need to watch it. But with the axe apparently

But I don’t think TV3 can dump all the blame on Campbell Live for their low ratings. Lead-ins are a nice concept, in theory, but I don’t think it really works for the modern age. I don’t know anyone under the age of 60 who would simply turn a channel on at 7:00pm and watch it for the rest of the evening without thought.

Even if I wanted to do that, the fact of the matter is: TV3 is playing a lot of crap. Ever since they went into receivership three years ago, causing them to lose Home and Away and their deal with 20th Century Fox, (taking away a large chunk of content such as staples like Bones and Modern Family), the channel has not really had any big hits drama or comedy wise lately. Instead of putting money into promoting the shows they do have, all the promotion seems to go towards the reality shows they have dived in with: The X Factor and The Bachelor are the first of five local reality shows the channel will air this year, and that does not count Australian versions of The Block or House Rules.

The thing with television nowadays is people are going to watch shows they actually want to watch. With so many options today of what people can watch, people aren’t going to turn on the television unless it’s something they want to watch, no matter how much they love Campbell Live. If you don’t like reality shows or the various versions of NCIS, you aren’t going to blindly watch them just to keep one show around. I don’t watch any of TV One’s various news or current affair shows, but I have watched that channel more in the past year than TV3 as they have played a great selection of British crime dramas (such as Happy Valley and Broadchurch), that I, and apparently over 300,000 other people, want to watch – more people than those wanting to watch X Factor.

TV3 just needs to look past 7:30pm to see their current strategy, beyond Campbell Live, isn’t working. For several weeks now, they have been filling Wednesday and Thursday nights with movies, most of which have averaged well under the 200,000 viewers most of their other shows get. They attempted to replace Top Gear with Richard Hammond talking about the weather; they tried being topical with a documentary about planes; even their reality shows are struggling to do better than their competitors – X Factor’s ratings have decreased since it premiered, though The Bachelor seems to be doing better. The only day that TV3 does well is on Friday nights, where their three hour comedy block manages to beat TV2 and prove a serious threat to the geriatric Coronation Street. And the reason is that people actually want to watch these shows; they are different, new and original, and provide an alternative to what is being offered by their rivals.

So if TV3 is going to do a review, they should be looking at how all their shows are performing, and not just Campbell.

Why don’t they try playing some different dramas and comedies to draw in audiences, rather than documentaries and movies that apparently no one is watching anyway?

Their Friday night success also shows that pairing shows together is just as important as having a good lead in: viewers are sticking around throughout the comedy shows because they flow nicely into one another. They make a much better pairing than The Bachelor and NCIS, or, if we go back a few months, Grand Designs and Sons of Anarchy (seriously, whoever paired those two shows together should be fired). If TV3 is so desperate for viewership, shouldn’t they be trying to actually challenge their competitors and play different and original content rather than putting on whatever they have lying around?

Ultimately, the bosses at Mediaworks need to accept that times are changing. On most days, Sky TV makes up around 30 percent of what people watch every day, while TV3 is only about 15 percent on average. We are in a media environment with more than just two options of what to watch in the evenings, and if they want people to watch their channel, offering something other than reality shows is probably their best bet. Considering how TV3 does much better than Prime or Four, and even TV2 is struggling a bit, Mediaworks should be happy with the ratings they’ve got. It is understandable they want to do better, but I am surprised they are even getting as many viewers as they are with the amount of garbage they are playing.

I will admit that I didn’t particularly miss Campbell Live when I didn’t watch it, but it was always nice to know there was some good journalism happening in the background. Now that I’m watching it once again, I can’t believe I ignored this show for so long. It offers something different and interesting to the other 7:00pm options, and their recent expose on Gloriavale is making much more of a difference than The Bachelor ever will. Whatever the outcome of the review is, I just hope Mediaworks realises that if people aren’t sticking with them after 7:30, they only have themselves to blame.

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HOST WITH THE MOST

by Abigail Johnson Linguist and philosopher Noam Chomsky once said; “The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum.” It was a quote I had read and admired but not given too much thought, until late last year.

It was around October, and the NZ Herald ran the headline “Hosking v Henry: Heavyweights to lock horns in radio breakfast battle.” It was an immediate call to action: CHOOSE YOUR SIDE. The Chomsky soundbite was the first thing to pop into my head.

That eerie feeling of media manipulation befell me as I mentally voted ‘Henry’. I knew that, compared to other current affairs presenters I respected, Henry would always fall short. And yet side by side with Hosking, he seemed an angel here to liberate and inform us all.

It doesn’t matter if you are a fan of Hosking and Henry, it is still problematic that our most successful current affairs presenters fall within a highly limited spectrum: cis, white, male, boomer, conservative, and arrogant (arguably).

It is fine to have people who fit that mould on the bill, but wouldn’t the chance to choose them out of a wide range of options make the support they do receive more meaningful? Instead, the support I throw behind Henry is not true support, but a ‘best of a bad lot’ scenario.

On the other side of this limited spectrum sits John Campbell. Campbell has received a lot of attention lately.

With the threat of his cancellation, TV viewers have been flooding the streets/newsfeeds/petition sites to save him. And so they should. John Campbell is one of the few presenters who fits into the aforementioned hugely powerful spectrum (cis, white, male, boomer, 7pm timeslot) and uses the power that comes with that to shine a light on the disadvantaged. Unlike #TeamKey pundits Henry and Hosking, Campbell has an eye, and a heart, for the people of New Zealand.

Being a white straight male, et al, affords John Campbell a certain amount of power that people who don’t fit in the spectrum don’t have. Yes, it’s sexist. Yes it’s racist. But that is the way of the world. He is seen as not having an innate bias, an agenda, and has used the power that comes with that to raise hundreds of thousands of dollars for charities, aid appeals, and struggling families.

I have not watched Campbell Live as much as I should have; it being something I thought would always be there.

But with the possibility of losing our most powerfully compassionate current affairs host, I resolve now to tune in more.

And so should you. Marvellous.

First of all, palm oil is a vegetable fat found in the fruit of the African oil palm tree. It is cheap and versatile and can be found in cosmetics, soaps, foods and even biofuel. Unlike most vegetable oils, palm oil contains a high amount of saturated fat. Dietary guides say we should only eat a small amount of saturated fat; therefore our palm oil intake must be limited. Although food labels do not have to list palm oil specifically, they are required to list the total saturated fat in the product. Food Standards Australia New Zealand (FSANZ) make their labeling decisions based on health reasons, and since the total saturated fat must be stated, they do not see the need to specially label palm oil.

However, FSANZ have not fully considered the ethical issues surrounding palm oil. Since palm oil is widely used in so many of our processed goods, according to Unmask Palm Oil, an activist group, there have been 40 million tons of new palm oil production in the past forty years. 90 percent of all world palm oil production comes from Malaysia and Indonesia and the way that it is being produced there is having dire consequences on the environment. This is because half of all new palm oil plantations have been set up at the cost of deforestation. Deforestation contributes to twenty percent of the entire world’s carbon emissions; that’s more than all the transport in the world combined!

Also, many endangered species that live in the rainforest such as orangutans, tigers, elephants and rhinos are being wiped out, and are now on the brink of extinction. Lastly, many indigenous people in Indonesia and Malaysia have relied on the rainforest to support themselves for years.

Now that it is being cut down, millions of people are struggling to sustain themselves and their families. There are also a heap of land disputes between companies, the government and the indigenous.

K E E P C A L M , L A B E L PA L M

by Julie Cleaver Palm oil has been a hot topic ever since Cadbury changed their Dairy Milk recipe to include it in May 2009. To the company’s surprise, many New Zealander’s boycotted their products after this change, leading to a massive decline in Cadbury sales. A few months later, Cadbury changed their Dairy Milk chocolate recipe back to their old one.

I was personally blown away by the way New Zealander’s banded together to create positive social change. It showed how we, the consumers, hold a lot of power when shaping large corporations. Although this was a phenomenal accomplishment, New Zealand’s problem with palm oil has not ended there. Currently palm oil does not have to be labeled in New Zealand and Australia. This is bad news for so many reasons.

This seems crazy, right? How could all this be happening just for some fatty oil? But it is, and we have no ability to avoid it, as palm oil does not have to be labeled in New Zealand or Australia. Currently it can be listed as either vegetable oil or one of two hundred scientific names, which no one in their right mind would be able to remember.

Whether you care about the rainforest or not, I believe that everyone should at least have the choice to boycott products that contain unsustainable palm oil. As Francis Bacon once said, “knowledge is power” and without it, we have no hope of keeping our planet functioning and our species alive. The Cadbury example proves how powerful people are when we are aware of an issue and united.

Luckily the legislation on palm oil labeling is being reconsidered in July this year. If you would like to put some pressure on our Minister of Food Safety and let her know you would like palm oil to be labeled, check out this link or scan the QR code. A pre-written email will be waiting for you, all you have to do is fill in your name and email, and you’re away!

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A SLAVE TO THE STRIPE Image by Margaret Zhang

by Shivan

Are you a slave to the stripe?

This season Cotton On, Country Road, Supre, recently Topshop, and more have flooded the New Zealand market with their take on the humble striped apparel shirt. These well-known apparel outlets have created an army of striped bandits that are taking over trendy coffee shops, malls, pubs, concerts, and any other social congregation.

From the Zebra, to the pedestrian or the bar code, stripes having been ruling the world of fashion for over 150 years. Going back to the medieval times, stripes were only worn by prisoners, clowns, prostitutes, hangmen, and all of the condemned, it was seen as a pattern associated with evil.

If we fast forward to a more stripe-friendly time, the 18th century reinvented the stripe as chic after Queen Victoria dressed her four year old son in a stripped sailor suit. A 21 blue striped shirt symbolised Napoleon’s victories, and this became the uniform for all French Navy men. In the 19th century, the stripe was again reinvented to takeover beaches, swimmer’s paraded head to toe in stripes every summer. Along the years this nautical stripe fashion was supported by many great names in history: Pablo Picasso, Andy Warhol, Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe and many

more. Recently, designers like Lacoste, Tommy Hilfiger and Oscar de la Renta have reinvent and reintroduced the stripe to the Paris and New York runway.

So are we a Slave to the Stripe? Have we always been?

I, myself, am a “slave to the stripe”. I shamelessly own two striped shirts and do wear them a little too often for my liking.

As I am typing this, sitting on the fifth floor of the library looking down at the foyer, I have already seen many striped inspired looks by the students of AUT. If one of these students is you, I have a few tips of how you can look stylish while wearing stripes, be it daily wear or formal.

1) Everyone always told me to stick to horizontal stripes, and if you’re new to the stripe army then I would suggest horizontal stripes too. However, if you are a bit of a risk taker, try wearing vertical stripes.

2) Vertical stripes do come with some caution, I suggest breaking up the vertical stripe with a belt, or try vertical striped pants to help make you look taller.

3) You can experiment with thick or thin gaps between each stripe, or even multi-directional stripes to help break up the look and give a polished aesthetic to your style.

A MOVIE WITH MUMMY Here's our comic winner from Issue 6!

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Having recently acquired Netflix on a free basis, I have been doing my best, and failing, to watch as many of their original shows before my free time runs out. While I haven’t managed to watch much, a clear highlight has been their latest original comedy series, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and I am glad I managed to watch this, if nothing else.

Starring Ellie Kemper (Bridesmaids and The Office), Kimmy follows the titular hero after she is rescued from the bunker in which she has spent fifteen years of her life (its much funnier than it sounds). Deciding to move to New York to find herself, she moves into a terrible apartment with mega-camp, wannabe Broadway star, Titus Andromeden, and gets a job with mega-rich and mega-bitchy, Jacqueline Voorhees.

UNBREAKABLE KIMMY SCHMIDT Created by: Robert Carlock and Tina Fey Starring: Ellie Kemper, Jne Krakowski, and Tituss Burgess reviewed by Ethan Sills

From the creators of 30 Rock, this is a brilliant comedy that doesn’t have much in the way of plot, but will make you laugh out loud every few seconds. With a mix of some of the stupidest characters, possibly ever, assembled on television, I haven’t enjoyed a new sitcom like this in years. With just thirteen episodes, this is the perfect show to binge watch over the course of a weekend, and it is an experience you definitely won’t regret.

I have never been that interested to read the Holmes books, but since one of my childhood favourites, Anthony Horowitz, was selected to write them, I read the first official commission The House of Silk and enjoyed it enough to return for the latest offering, Moriarty.

MORIARTY Created by: Robert Carlock and Tina Fey Starring: Ellie Kemper, Jne Krakowski, and Tituss Burgess reviewed by Ethan Sills It’s a good time to be Sherlock Holmes. More than a century after the character first debuted, he has enjoyed resurgence in popular culture over the past few years, with two mainstream TV shows, a blockbuster movie franchise, and has returned to print, with the Conan Doyle Estate commissioning the first official continuations of the series.

REVIEWS

Set after the infamous The Final Problem, where Sherlock Holmes and Professor Moriarty fell to their doom at the Reichenebch Falls, Moriarty begins with American detective, Frederick Chase, arriving in Switzerland on the tail of Moriarty. Meeting Scotland Yard detective, Athelney Jones, he reveals that American crime boss, Clarence Devereux, was in communication with Moriarty and has likely arrived in Europe. Fearful he might take over Moriarty’s position in British crime, the pair team up and follow the meagre clues they have in order to stop Devereaux before he takes over.

Though set in the late 19th Century, Moriarty (thanks to Horowitz’s wonderful writing), feels very modern and makes for a digestible and enjoyable read. Though it takes a while to get going, the plot races along after the first grisly murders are discovered. A very unexpected twist in the third act stunned me, and though the very end doesn’t quite match up, this was still a great follow up to House of Silk. An enjoyable crime thriller for fans of Holmes or Horowitz alike.

Yet, as it so often occurs in these movies, things don’t go to plan: Ultron is born, and decides the only way to protect the world is to destroy it and The Avengers.

Building a robotic army and teaming up with the super powered Wanda and Pietro Maximoff, Ultron forces The Avengers into battle once more with the stakes higher than ever.

There were a number of highlights in the two plus hour movie.

In a general sense, I enjoyed this more as an experience than The Avengers. Everyone got a decent amount of screen time; there were some fantastic action pieces, namely the muchhyped showdown between Hulk and the ‘Hulkbuster’; and the humour was as Whedon-y as ever. The best moments came largely from new entry, The Vision: his screen time was brief, but he owned every scene he was in, delivering my favourite line of the movie and earning the biggest collective gasp I have ever experienced as part of an audience.

AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON

Directed by Joss Whedon Starring Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo reviewed by Ethan Sills There is really no avoiding this movie: as the sequel to one of the highest grossing movies ever, a part of the highest grossing franchise ever, Ultron was always going to be a big deal. As a fan of the MCU, I happily got sucked into the hype. With all the promise of Joss Whedon returning, and the excitement of seeing The Avengers return, I went to my opening night screening ready to have my mind blown again. Thankfully, I enjoyed the movie. Unfortunately, just not as much as I would have liked.

Ultron begins with The Avengers reuniting to bring down the last HYDRA base post-Winter Soldier. While they manage to win, Tony Stark believes they’ve reached the point where it’s time to stand aside. Finding artificial intelligence in what they recovered from the base, Stark and Bruce Banner use it to create Ultron, a global defence program to protect the world instead of them.

However, I found it easier to nit-pick with Ultron. It was only in second, third and fourth viewings that I began to notice issues with Avengers, but with Ultron, there were clear problems that diminished my enjoyment. Not all the action was great or necessary; the movie felt longer than it was; Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch were criminally underused while still getting a lot of screen time, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I think the most disappointing thing was that this does so little with the shared universe concept, practically ignoring Phase Two and half-heartedly forcing in Phase Three references – why go to the trouble of creating this shared world if you’re going to completely ignore it in the end?

Ultimately, I expected better from Marvel. Are my sights set a little too high? Probably, but after the brilliant Winter Soldier, the delightful Guardians, and the fucking amazing Daredevil, it is clear Marvel knows how to make quality products, and I should not have to lower my standards. I still hope for the best, but considering I left the cinema feeling a bit exhausted, I am unsure what to expect in the future. The worst bit is that Marvel seems to feel the same way.

From an old parking garage to a lovely evening bar and restaurant, Tyler Street Garage impressed on multiple accounts.

Boasting impressive harbour views from the patio and an excellent setting for evening drinks inside, it’s equipped for all occasions.

TYLER STREET GARAGE

120 Quay Street, Britomart, Auckland reviewed by Nathan Fehr

There wasn’t a clear choice for appetisers, so we began with wines and mains. There was an excellent range of both whites and reds accompanied by a moderate amount of beers on tap. I had the steamed salmon salad with tomato and avocado and my date had the Vietnamese chicken with chilli and crispy noodles. The salmon salad was bright and refreshing with tender pieces of salmon generously strewn

throughout. I couldn’t fault my dish if you asked, and my partner said the same about her Vietnamese chicken.

For dessert we ordered the spiced apple donuts which proved to be just the ticket to finish off the meal; an excellent end to a charming meal. The service was above expectation as well.

The waiter enquired how the meal was shortly after we’d started eating and though plates weren’t cleared as promptly as they could have been, it was understandable given how busy the patio had become.

All in all it was an outstanding evening, great food and service and I would go again at the drop of a hat.

Be sure to make time for Tyler Street Garage.

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by Ali Thair

OVEN-BAKED MEXICAN QUINOA CA SSEROLE This week we have lovely, simple, vegan recipe brought to you by the blog “Vegangela.” Angela has been a Vegan for nearly 19 years, so has plenty of tips and recipes to share with Vegans young and old. You can check out her blog at: www.vegangela.com

Ingredients

Method

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

1. Preheat oven to 350F.

1 tbsp vegetable oil 1 onion, chopped 1 clove garlic, minced 1 cup uncooked quinoa 796ml can diced tomatoes, with liquid ½ cup water 2 tbsp nutritional yeast (optional) 1 tbsp tomato paste or ketchup 1 tsp cumin 1 tsp oregano ½ tsp chili powder (more if you like things spicy) Salt & freshly ground pepper 540ml can black beans, rinsed and drained 311g can corn kernels, with liquid 3 cups baby spinach Toppings of choice: vegan sour cream, avocado, cilantro, vegan cheese, etc.

2. Heat 1 tbsp olive oil in a medium frying pan (or stove-topsafe 2.8 liter/3 quart casserole dish). Add onion and garlic, and saute until translucent, about 8 minutes. Remove from heat; and transfer to oven-safe casserole dish if not already using one.

3. Add quinoa, deced tomatoes (with juice), water, nutritional yeast, tomato paste (or ketchup), and spices. Season with salt and pepper and stir to combine.

4. COVER and place in oven and set timer for 30 minutes.

5. Caferfully remove casserole from oven and stir in drained beans and corn (with liquid). If the mixture looks dry, add a half cup of water.

6. Return to oven WITH LID and set timer for another 30 minutes.

7. Caferfully remove casserole from oven and stir in spinach. It will wilt from the heat.

8. Top with sour cream, diced avocado and/or cilantro and serve.

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PUZ ZLE S

SUDOKU C L ASSIC LO LLIES

TRIO

by Alex Murphy

Find the three-letter grouping that fits into each of these word trios.

E.g.

F_ _ _K AT_ _ _ C_ _ _H

Jaffas

Snowballs

Minties

Flake

Pineapplelumps

Jetplanes

Fruitbursts

Peanutslab Picnic

Mackintoshs

Milkbottles

Chocolatefish

Blackknightlicorice

Winegums

Dinosaurs

Pinky

Pebbles

Marshmallows

Perkynana

Cadburyroses

Circle all the words in the wordfind, tear this page out & pop it into the box on the side of the red debate stands, and you could win this motherflippin’ sweet prize:

Name:

Email:

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Solution: FLASK ATLAS CLASH

1.

U___G _ _ _ GE CA _ _ _ O 2.

BUR _ _ _ IN _ _ _ T RO _ _ _ T

=

“LAS”

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To take advantage of this great deal, follow these simple steps below and create a 2Life Account.

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Go to aut.2life.co.nz Enter your AUT email address Follow the sign up process Download the 2Life Help mobile app

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