Debate | Issue 11 | 2016

DEBATE ISSUE 11 | MAY 2016

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Complimentary Refreshments & Prizes to be won!

AGENDA ITEMS INCLUDE:

2015 Annual Report 2015 Audited Financial Accounts 2016 Constitution

2016

12 noon Tuesday 31 May 2016 Vesbar, AUT University City Campus

All AUT students welcome. Please bring student ID

CREDITS PUBLISHED BY

EDITOR Laurien Barks lbarks@aut.ac.nz SUB - EDITORS Amelia Petrovich Julie Cleaver DESIGNER Ramina Rai rrai@aut.ac.nz CONTRIBUTORS Julie Cleaver, Kieran Bennett, Chantelle Cullen, Shawn Cleaver, Amelia Petrovich, Kurt Schmidt, Shivan, Ethan Sills, Tyler Hinde ADVERTISING Harriet Smythe hsmythe@aut.ac.nz

Contributions can be sent to lbarks@aut.ac.nz

PRINTER Debate is printed lovingly by Soar Print

CONTENTS

Debate is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) This publication is entitled to the full protection given by the Copyright Act 1994 (“the Act”) to the holders of the copyright, being AUCKLAND STUDENT MOVEMENT AT AUCKLAND UNIVERSITY OF TECHNOLOGY INCORPORATED (“AuSM”).

Reproduction, storage or display of any part of this publication by any process, electronic or otherwise (except for the educational purposes specified in the Act) without express permission is a break of the copyright of the publisher and will be prosecuted accordingly. Inquiries seeking permission to reproduce should be addressed to AuSM.

DISCLAIMER

Material contained in this publication does not necessarily represent the views or opinions of AuSM, its advertisers, contributors, Soar Print or its subsidiaries.

Pg 4 Ed’s Letter

Pg 20 A Bloody Disgrace

Pg 6 Letters to the Editor

Pg 23 The Broken Window of WG

Pg 7 SRC Sez

Pg 24 Time To Care

Pg 8 Cool Shit

Pg 28 Going Healthy

Pg 10 Cool Travellers Korero Correctly

Pg 29 Weekly Investments

Pg 12 In Short

Pg 30 Sisters

Pg 14 Motivation Killer

Pg 32 Reviews

Pg 16 “Oh, I’m from Syria”

Pg 34 Recipe

Pg 18 Things I Learned at Comedy Fest

Pg 35 Puzzles

AUSM.ORG.NZ

CO V E R P H OTO BY S H I VA N FA C E B O O K . C O M / A U S M D E B AT E

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EDITOR’S LETTER Hello People!

I was sent a news story that brought a procedure to my attention, one I had no clue existed. Apparently, post-mortem sperm retrieval has been a thing since the 1970s.

I know our sex issue was last week, but I’m keeping the theme going for one more editorial, because wow!

Essentially, it’s exactly what it sounds like.

Babies can be made from sperm extracted from a man who has died. And the extraction does not have to take place as quickly as one might imagine. While early research has stated the window for collecting and freezing sperm is 24 – 36 hours after death, specific case studies have managed to increase the upper limit all the way to an entire two days. This is partially dependent on how a person has died (ie. In one instance, a man who drowned in cold water had better preserved sperm than usual), but is also due to the fact that ‘fit’ sperm are not necessary under these circumstances – all it takes is injecting a single sperm (however sluggish it may be) into an egg to create a perfectly healthy child.

I won’t go into the process of extraction because I get told off when my editorials get too long (#realtalk), but I welcome y’all to have a sneaky Google for yourselves.

On one hand, this new knowledge has me going “holy hell, science you dawg!” but on the other hand is sweat that I’ve wiped from my freaked out brow while I cuddle my own knees and process the information.

I can understand the appeal in a strange, very vague way. I can understand wanting to have children with the man you’re in love with, and continue on with a life you’ve planned for yourselves. There’s probably a lot of comfort in that ideal, particularly during a time of grief. But also…just…what?

Is that actually healthy? I’m honestly asking, psychology majors.

a father who will never exist in their lives in any way shape or form? There’s often an option to track down a biological parent when a donor child turns 18. They gain the right to papers, forms, and contracts that tell them who their biological parent is, and much of the time, they do have the opportunity to contact them should they wish. With post-mortem ‘donation’ you’re eliminating that option. It may not be a big deal if the child is brought up with a solid understanding of the circumstances of their ‘coming to be’ story…but in some cases it might be a huge deal.

The person who sent me the article raised an interesting concern. One I don’t one hundred percent agree with, but is worth discussing.

They questioned why one would ever choose to become a single mother like that, and thought the decision might come across quite selfish considering the circumstances.

Then there’s the lack of the deceased’s approval on the extraction to consider,and there’s the reasoning behind wanting to have a dead man’s child to consider. Is this person having a child to help deal with their grief, is it to keep a part of the dead man alive, or is it to have the family they’ve always wanted – each reason could have entirely different consequences and outcomes in the long run. It’s a tough one to put a label on, is it a selfish act, or one of love in its most incredible form. I haven’t made my mind up yet.

Now, I don’t have a problem with people choosing to have a child on their own, considering they’re stable in every important respect. So initially, I was forced to disagree that this post-mortem impregnation is a selfish act. I would simply view it as a person wishing to have a family, but lacking the necessary components to start one. But the more I thought about it, the more I could see this person’s point…is it selfish to create a child under those circumstances? Is it a different kettle of fish to bring a child into the world with an anonymous live donor, than to bring a child into the world with

Flick me an email if you have thoughts on the matter, or opinions you’d like to offer up.

Always love to hear what you guys think.

Have a great week, Laurien

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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR High achieving nurses a matter of life or death

The article does not mention that in fact, AUT has to secure clinical placements in a competitive environment.

In response to “Warning: This Article Contains Signs of Sexism” published in issue 8.

The article also criticises the fact that the course cannot be completed on a part time basis, but fails to note that this is clearly communicated as a full time degree and that it is a requirement – and we believe a reasonable one – of the Nursing Council for the degree to be completed in a maximum of five years.

Debate is to be commended for providing our students with a voice to express their views and challenge the status quo.

At the Department of Nursing we encourage critical thinking and the recent article about sexism in nursing could have been a good example of this if the person responsible had been prepared to identify themselves and enter into the debate with fellow students.

The other concern is that there are several factual errors or omissions that need to be addressed.

Among these is the comment that students undergoing clinical experiences are not paid, which fails to point out that clinical is an essential part of the learning experience, without which our students would not be eligible to register as a nurse with the Nursing Council of New Zealand.

Auckland has five nursing programmes vying for these placements and we negotiate tirelessly each year to ensure our students have the opportunity to gain the necessary clinical experiences to be registered as a nurse.

It is difficult to address concerns about individuals without them coming forward, but we do encourage anyone at AUT who needs help to make use of our extensive support services both within the faculty and the broader university.

Concerns about our expectation of high levels of achievement from our students forget the stark reality that our responsibility is to create qualified nurses that are safe and fit for practice. Getting this right can literally be a matter of life or death for patients.

Stephen Neville Associate Professor & Head of Department – Nursing

If you have something to say about any articles we publish, let us know. Send our editor a letter at lbarks@aut.ac.nz.

SRC Kia ora everyone!

I’m Catherine, and I’m the North Shore Campus Representative on the SRC this year. I’m in my final year (fingers crossed) of a Bachelor of Health Science with a Health Promotion major.

I love being a student at AUT, I love the family vibe AUT has, the collectiveness and the willingness to help each other.

Being a student has been an incredible journey for me, it’s included my highest highs and my lowest lows, there have been tears and there have been triumphs, but I’ve always had people to celebrate with, and people to pull me up when I’ve fallen, and everyone at AUT deserves the same thing.

Student advocacy is incredibly important to me. Everyone deserves to have someone fighting in their corner when they need it. It’s challenging and sometimes we don’t feel our voices are being heard, even though the message we’re trying to share is important and valid, as a student representative I hope that I can help to ensure everyone finds their voice on this journey and gets heard. Your voice is just that, yours, you’re no less and no more than the person sitting next to you.

We’re a collective working together and learning from each other.

University is a tough and expensive time, it makes us and sometimes it breaks us, but it helps make us into people we’re proud to be, and I’m thankful I get to be a part of your journey.

Solidarity forever, Catherine.

CATHERINE ANDERSON Tēnā tatou katoa,

students, particularly tauira Māori, and help make their experience as enjoyable as mine.

Ko Toiroa Williams toku ingoa, he uri ahau no Te Whakatōhea me Ngai Tai me Te Whānau a Apanui I’m Toi and I am your Māori affairs officer for 2016. Growing up in Opotiki, a small rural town on the east coast of the North Island, I had a strong sense of whanaungatanga and identity. Coming to university was a big step for myself but also my whanau, as I was the first in my family to venture out of The Bay to further my study. In the beginning it was daunting.

TOIROA WILLIAMS

Coming to AUT University has been a decision I have never looked back on. For me it has developed into a community where we can connect and build networks just like back home in Opotiki, except without the seafood. I have enjoyed and benefited a lot form both staff and my peers’ support throughout AUT. So now, five years on, I want to return the favour and support our

Our ProVC for Maori Prof Pare Keiha has always said, since I can remember, that university is not hard, but it is hard work. The more you put yourself into anything you do, the more your achievements will flourish.

So live for the moment, ask for help, voice your concerns and enjoy your journey, because when you walk across the stage to collect your tohu and hold up your degree, you’re not just walking across for yourself but for all of us. “He waka eke noa” We are all on this waka together.

If you see me around do be afraid to give me kia ora with your hands, hongi or eye brows (whichever you prefer). All the best for 2016, whanau.

Kia ora Toi

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COOL SHIT

BOOST YOUR BREAKFAST Early morning favourites combined to create a new NutriGrain flavour. Here’s a new way to enjoy your two breakfast favourites – Nutri-Grain and Ice Break coffee. Kellogg’s has partnered with Ice Break on a new limited edition flavour, Nutri-Grain Ice Break coffee flavoured cereal. Developed with millennials’ palates in mind, Nutri-Grain Ice Break is available from May until December. Debate’s got 60 boxes of cereal to hand out this week – we’ve given 20 boxes to our AuSM receptionists at each campus, so first come first serve!

Walk in, flash our AuSM staff an awesome smile, and ask very politely if you may have one box of cereal…they’ll do their best to hook you up. If you miss out, they’re sold for $5.19 a box at New Worlds and Pak n’ Saves nationwide.

WIN!

WIN

!

GET STARTED Introducing Discover Trilogy Starter Sets, with different sets to suit different needs, these kits are sure to help you on your way to great skin. Discover Trilogy Age-Proof retails at $27.90 from selected Farmers, pharmacy, department and health stores nationwide, and is formulated with their new ingredient, Glycablend™. An innovative blend of pomegranate, strawberry, blueberry, and chia seed oils, this starter set is designed to help fight the naturally-occurring process of glycation and keep skin supple, healthy, and radiant.

PAINTBALL PARK PACK Asylum Paintball wants to send you and 7 friends to Auckland’s most haunted paintball park! A game experience pack with everything you need to play is up for grabs this week. Be the first person to Facebook message us your name, campus, and paintball haiku to win this awesome prize!

WIN!

' DINNERS ON US We’ve got a $20 voucher to Lone Star Newmarket to give away this week. Simply email lbarks@aut.ac.nz with your name, campus, and favourite side dish to be in to win!

WIN!

GO STRESS AUCKLAND ART New Zealand artist, Judy Millar will create an ambitious site-specific installation for Auckland Art Gallery in early 2017. The new commission was confirmed recently at the first annual appeal event for the Auckland Art Gallery Foundation, where more than $100 000 was raised. Auckland Art Gallery Director Rhana Devenport says proceeds will allow the Gallery to commission a dynamic new artwork by Millar, a leading Auckland and Berlin based artist, for the Gallery’s south atrium. Millar’s career highlights have included two exhibitions at the Venice Bienniale, inclusion in Rohkunstbau, Berlin, and solo exhibitions at the Auckland Art Gallery and the IMA, Brisbane. For more information on the exhibition contact Olivia Boswell at Olivia.boswell@aucklandartgallery.com

Go Healthy Go Stress Remedy is the perfect supplement to get you through the more trying times of life (ie.

Exams). Unlike many supplements, Go Stress Remedy can also be used by anyone taking prescription mood medication, as its primary ingredient L-Theanine supports healthy levels of the brain’s natural calming agents to promote a relaxing feeling of wellbeing.

During times of extra stress or panic – such as flying, interviews, deadlines, public speaking, or those days that feel super intense and crazy – you can increase the dose to a maximum of two-a-day. These supplements retail at $29.90 for thirty Vegecaps, or $47.90 for sixty, and are available at major pharmacies and Health stores nationwide. Debate has one bottle to give out for free, however, so be in to win by emailing lbarks@aut.ac.nz with your name, campus, and favourite de-stress technique!

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Cool travellers kōrero correctly Julie Cleaver | Illustration by Tyler Hinde I was in Bali hanging out with a bunch of travel writers for two months, so from them, I learned a bit about what roaming the globe long term actually entails.

And it surprised me. For most people, travelling is the only socially acceptable way to do nothing and be an alcoholic for long periods of time. However, to justify that they are as rad as their friends on Facebook think they are, worldwanderers will often learn about cultures they encounter and try to assimilate to their ways as much as possible. They’ll eat with their hands, wash their butt with a hose, and most importantly, pronounce place names correctly.

Even though the whole experience can turn into a bit of an “I’m more culturally sensitive than you” competition, I really do like the last point. I think saying place names how the should be said is really important, because I know how annoying it is when people call me Julia. Or Poolie-J. But that’s a different story.

The thing is, a lot of the travellers I met abroad were Kiwis, and they were extremely pedantic about pronouncing Canggu like chan-goo. But when it came to talking about home, they would butcher Māori place names worse than my high school principal would in formal assemblies.

I’ve been taking a Māori language paper this semester and I’m actually quite shocked at how wrong I’ve been articulating words for my whole life. I used to say Muriwai like mure-a-why when really it’s moo-ri-wai, with a rolled r. I said Whangaparāoa like funga-pa-row-a, but actually it’s fa-nga-po-ra-eww-a.

I think we all secretly know how Māori place names should sound, but there’s a stigma about expressing them correctly, especially if you are pākehā. I know this because whenever I say Tauranga like toe-rung-a, people kind of chuckle and go “don’t you mean Tao-rong-a?”.

I get it – no one wants to look like that awkward non-Māori person who can’t say something right. But the thing is, when you don’t try to at all, you are actually being that person. We’re living in Aotearoa, so let’s try to be culturally sensitive towards ourselves and say names properly. That way you can get drunk all the time and people will still find you cool. And to that, I say kia ora!

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IN SHORT

Seafood Industry Very Sorry For Being Caught Kieran Bennett

After a report released by the Fisheries Centre at British Columbia University, the New Zealand seafood industry has come forward to say that they are very sorry for being caught destroying New Zealand’s fishing stocks.

The report, published last week, outlined how the seafood industry and many private vessels under-reported catch for the last 30 years. It is estimated by the report that the total number of tonnes actually caught could be well over double what has actually been reported by officials. The report also insinuated that the seafood industry was primarily concerned with selling seafood and as such hinted at a conspiracy within the industry to obfuscate catch numbers. The seafood industry heavily denied the accusations at the time saying that it would be “poor practice” to destroy the thing that they relied on for their livelihood. Now, however, they come forward to say that yes, they are that awful, and they apologised extensively for being caught.

Manager of Making Uncomfortable Things Go Away Aly Undorflay promised the New Zealand public and government that in future they would try harder to hide their activities. She then went on to say that they deeply regretted “being sprung” and that several workshops would be taking place around the country about how to better lie.

The government has supported the industry, saying that they had a long standing tradition of being caught, but applauded the idea of apologising, something they hadn’t yet considered.

Homeless Encouraged To Build Own Houses Kieran Bennett

With housing in Auckland becoming more of a problem for more New Zealanders, the government has come under increasing pressure to take action over the large amounts of New Zealanders without a home. Prime Minister John Key has responded by asking the homeless why they don’t just build their own homes.

Over the past several years, homelessness in Auckland and New Zealand as whole has become an increasingly worrying problem.

Against all expectations, the unfettered nature of the Auckland housing market and the selling of thousands of Housing New

Zealand properties has done nothing to improve conditions. The government has now been under intense questioning about what further action they will be taking to ease the market, and also house thousands of New Zealanders living on the street. In what is being described as bold and a particularly genius move, Prime Minister John Key has suggested New Zealand’s homeless only need to build their own houses.

Speaking to press after cabinet meetings, Mr Key said that while he acknowledged the problems that the country was facing were serious, it was up to individuals to help themselves. He then went on to say that he personally would not be offering any help or attempting to make the situation easier, however he would be happy to offer useless and unsolicited advice. He then suggested that all Auckland’s homeless population needed to do was to find a large, empty plot of land; several thousand dollars’ worth of wood or brick; a full set of furnishings and simply build their own house. “At the end of the day the government has large piles of building supplies just lying around, waiting for someone to take advantage of it” was one comment from the Prime Minister.

He also said that anyone who was not taking advantage of the system that was already in place was clearly making excuses and that all New Zealanders “know how to build a house”.

While many groups have slammed the Prime Minister’s comments as “out of touch”, many more have come forward in support of his comments saying that while they have not personally built a house from scratch, they don’t see what could be so hard about it.

New Zealand Tax Haven Status Not A Huge Deal Kieran Bennett

A week after a joint effort by RNZ and One News journalists to examine the Panama Papers connection to New Zealand, many experts have come to the conclusion that the whole thing isn’t a big deal.

The so called Panama Papers are a series of documents hacked from Panamanian law firm, Mossack Fonseca. The documents detail a vast international network of shell companies used to 100 percent not dodge taxes. Hundreds of countries and thousands of world figures are named in the papers and New Zealand features prominently. The initial assumption by journalists examining the leaked papers was that New Zealand was some sort of tax haven due to our relaxed trust laws. After careful examination of the papers, journalists came to the conclusion that New Zealand is indeed a tax haven, but a week later concluded that it wasn’t that big a deal.

A spokesperson for the investigative team said to press, the idea that New Zealand was being used to funnel millions of evaded taxes was wholly true, but not to worry about it. They then went on to say that New Zealand’s reputation would not be dragged through the mud, as being a haven for illegal activity is pretty inconsequential.

Responding to further questions they said “Yes, hundreds of millions in illegal profits are coming through here and we’re doing nothing about it, but hey, what’re you gonna do, right?” They then went on to say that while the initial impression of the investigation was that New Zealand was complicit in an international tax evasion effort, this initial impression didn’t really matter.

The government has agreed with the statement released by the investigative team, saying that tax evasion and corruption were to be taken very lightly. They then went on to say they would be doing nothing in response to the Panama Papers as no other country was.

“Look, every other country we’re involved with allows tax evasion on a mass scale leading to the crippling of smaller economies and the burden of public services passing to the lower classes, why wouldn’t we do the same?” was the statement released by the Prime Minister’s office. It then went on to say that while some “left wing conspiracy theorists” may believe in paying taxes, they are, in fact, wholly optional if one has enough money that one wishes to not pay tax on.

Mossak Fonseca’s New Zealand representative, Roger Thompson, has congratulated the investigative team for coming to what he calls “the correct conclusion”. He has said that he never promoted New Zealand as a tax haven to clients, nor was he ever asked to use New Zealand in such a manner. He said the idea that New Zealand was a tax haven was not only ridiculous, but an outright lie. “I don’t think of New Zealand as a tax haven, rather, it’s a multi-level, international, economically liberal, legally loose hidey hole for money. The fact that no tax gets paid on the money is pure coincidence and one that I’m deeply concerned about”. Mr Thompson then grunted, puffed, strained and let out one single tear which he immediately bottled and inserted back into his eye.

The public, opposition and international community has collectively shrugged as wide scale corruption and the exposing of a flaw within the global economy is just not that interesting.

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motivation killer Chantelle Cullen

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Death of a parent or spouse.

Unplanned pregnancy or abortion.

Getting Married.

Divorce.

Fathering a child.

These are some of the most stressful things in life according to the Holmes and Rahe scale.

This list is long, and includes many events with the grading of how stressful the specific events can be on someone’s life. For example, the death of a parent or spouse has a rating of 100, compared to retiring which is rated 45. According to this scale, having the stress ratings total to more than 300 means you have a high risk of illness, and a score between 150 and 299 means you have a mild chance of getting ill.

But I am not here to talk about the Holmes and Rahe scale, so you can Google it in your own time.

The one thing that I believe should be on the list is the stress of university, more specifically: final assignments and exams. It manages to creep under our skin and get into our heads.

Some lucky people have the ability to keep their heads screwed on tight and not let it get to them, but others get buried under the rubble of homework and can’t seem to get out again. The stress of starting at University is high enough, having to keep up with the work load and to find new friends (if you do want to find new friends) is even harder.

Did you know it wasn’t until the late 1950s that endocrinologist, Hans Selye, first identified and documented stress?

Obviously the symptoms of stress have been around longer than that, but once it was identified and documented, we could use it to help find ways to overcome it.

As difficult as it may seem, there are things you can do to reduce stress and make your daily routine a bit easier to cope with. It does vary depending on class schedules, work and what’s due, but the main ways to cope are mostly psychological, with some physical ways that can help too.

- Stretching your legs and getting away from your study desk every so often will help your concentration levels.

Your legs won’t cramp up as often. Even getting off the bus a stop early and walking works. Exercise is important for your general health – keeps your blood circulating and your energy levels high. Group workouts help with motivation, and laughing with friends always cheers people up and brings down the stress. Keep your leisure area separate to your study area. Read a book on your bed or walk outside in between sitting cooped up at your desk.

- Sunshine is a magical thing! It warms you up and makes you feel nice, and the vitamin D you can get from it has its perks; helps prevent diseases and depression, regulates the absorption of calcium and phosphorus, and is important for growth of bones and teeth. You only need 10 minutes a day of mid-day sun to get the benefits of vitamin D. - Time management is a jolly good way of keeping everything in check. Aim to have drafts of final assignments done at least 3 days before your hand in.

(I know! Imagine not having to pull an all-nighter the night before an assignment is due!) You can start your assignment by jotting down bullet points of what you want to write about, then expand on them as time goes by.

- Stay positive! As difficult as it sounds, every time you think ‘I can’t do this’, change your thought to, ‘let’s just get this done for now’. Taking it a step at a time is the way to complete assignments or study for an exam. Every time you have a negative thought, turn it around and just complete one task that gets you a step closer to the end.

Sometimes that’s all you need to get it done.

- Sitting at a computer for long periods of time can be hard. Make sure you have the correct posture; feet flat on the floor, elbows bent at a 90 degree angle, shoulders back and sitting up straight. Sitting with poor posture will do

damage to your back and shoulders in the long run, as my mother has told me on many occasions. Every half hour or so, make sure you look at an object in the distance and roll your wrists a few times to loosen up.

Some lucky people have the ability to keep their heads screwed on tight and not let it get to them, but others get buried under the rubble of homework and can’t seem to get out again.

- Time management is so important! University is supposed to take up as much time as a full time job, so treat it as one. Make sure you wake up at the same time each day, and sleep each day at the same time. Make sure you stop studying at a certain time each day, so you have enough time to do activities and hobbies that you enjoy.

9am until 5pm is the best way to time your day.

- Getting enough sleep is as important as all the steps I have written about. How are you expected to do well if you are too tired to even see the words? Your memory is worse when you don’t have enough sleep and that will lead to stressing about not knowing the answers.

There are plenty of other ways to deal with stress, but keeping your health up and time managed is basically all you need to keep stress at bay. Aim to get assignments done a few days before the due date so you don’t have the frantic push at the end.

I really need to listen to my own advice. But in the end, we are using university to get a degree and to add one more line to our CV, getting us one step closer to our dream job. We want to be emotionally stable enough once we graduate so we can actually deal with the final job anyway.

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“Oh, I’m from Syria” Shawn Cleaver If you plan to travel, there’s one conversation you’ll have over and over again until you’ve heard it more than the Harvey Norman and Pizza Hut jingles combined.

In no particular order, at least four times a day with new travellers in a hostel, you’ll exchange: -

How long have you been here for?

-

Where were you before here?

-

Where are you going to next?

-

How long are you travelling for?

But before any of this, one thing is certain.

You will be asked which country you are from.

Please note before we continue, I am 100 percent for this conversation taking place.

It gets repetitive, but it’s the expected formality of meeting other travellers. I once tried to avoid it, just to see if I could.

I opened with “where do you see yourself in five years?” Followed by “so how do you think you’ll die?” Funnily enough, the conversation didn’t really flow.

Anyway, I’ve had this aforementioned travel conversation so many times before, I’ve become quite good at it. When we eventually exchange the inevitable “where are you from” question, I’ve pretty much got an answer pre-planned and memorised for each common nationality.

Considering I’ve spent all my working career filling air with menial banter, I’d never felt so lost for words in a long time.

The answer I’m most excited to hear is “Ireland”, because I immediately lead with “OMG I love Hozier!” which is nine times out of ten met with “ahhhhh he’s a national hero we love Hozier too wow have you seen him live my cousin used to smoke weed with him I saw him at a park once blah blah…”

Then if it doesn’t feel too name-droppey (which it always does, but whatever) I play my Blue-Eyes White Dragon: “I actually got to interview Hozier last year when I worked for a radio station, he was really cool!”

This usually leads to alcohol together.

Sometimes you have to toot your own horn.

Funnily enough, I seem to struggle with New Zealanders the most. Simply because if they aren’t also from Auckland, I might as well be from freakin’ Al Qaeda. “Ohhh a bloody jafa! Auckland sucks yada yada yada…”

It’s just banter which is fine, and most other countries have it too with their big cities, (London and England, Dublin and Ireland) but I’m immediately on the back foot, and am quick to mention I lived in Tauranga for six months, which I loved. That usually does the trick.

Aussies have quite the reputation while travelling, but I haven’t met any ‘shitcunts’ at all while travelling, only ‘goodcunts’. It’s vital to know the difference when talking to an Aussie. I find there’s this underlying sense of brotherhood with Australians.

I’ll mention I have friends in Belgrave or Homebush in case they are from Melbourne or Sydney, and then we’ll usually talk about sports. I’ll steer towards union, they’ll bring up cricket.

I’ve successfully navigated hundreds and hundreds of travel conversations with

these same responses. They usually led to friends, travel mates, drinking buddies, and good times all around. Cocky with my five months of chit-chat success, I decided to test my skills in the big leagues: the multicultural melting-pot that is suburban London.

I’m sure by the title, you’ve figured out where this is going.

It went down at a take-away burger joint in Hammersmith. While waiting for my dinner, I got chatting to the staff. They’re always really nice guys. It didn’t take long before the challenge was laid down.

“Oh I’m from Pakistan…” he answered.

“Pakistan! Aw man, the mountains there look so beautiful!”

His face lit up. “Yes! In the mountains it’s nothing but tourists! So gorgeous, etc etc…”

I got away with that one. It was either mountains, or “oh didn’t they find Osama in Pakistan? I love Zero Dark Thirty…” I think he was glad the conversation didn’t head down that way. After a decent chat, I made a throwaway attempt to include the other worker in the shop.

“You from Pakistan as well bro?”

everyone in the last five months.

“Oh, I’m from Syria.”

“Nah nah no problem. My family is safe, we got out years ago when it was bad but there was no war yet. All that Syria is missing now is the peace.”

“…”

Considering I’ve spent all my working career filling air with menial banter, I’d never felt so lost for words in a long time. It didn’t look like this was his first rodeo though. Before I could scramble anything together, with a look of acceptance, he quickly mentioned, “I’m sure you’ve heard of Syria by now.”

Talking about Hozier, Jafa’s, and shitcunts is a privilege. Because when we do, it goes without saying that our families are safe, and there is currently peace in our home countries.

I took the bait. The only thing I could come up with was, “ I have man, I’m so sorry to hear what’s going on there right now.”

He seemed resilient, considering I’d probably brought up traumatic memories just by asking him the same question I’ve asked

Who knew I’d be having deep and meaningful converstions in a London burger joint at 5:30pm. We talked for a little more, but the damage was done. Asking Syrians about home isn’t going to lead to a very cheerful conversation. He was a really nice, down to earth guy despite the rat nature of the chat. He was grateful to be working in London. He missed home, but had no real hope of returning any time soon. That was the saddest part.

Talking about Hozier, Jafa’s, and shitcunts is a privilege. Because when we do, it goes without saying that our families are safe, and there is currently peace in our home countries. It seems so foreign and hard to relate to when you see it on the news, but the second you get chatting to another bloke just like you, it hits. Obviously not nearly as much as if I actually went to a war-torn area or a refugee camp, but this was the first time it was real to me.

It was the first time I had nothing to say.

17

Seven things I learned at the International Comedy Festival Julie Cleaver

Like most people, I don’t normally go to comedy gigs.

They’re pricey and usually only appeal to one particular audience (think glasses, curly orange hair and a colourful sweater). However this year through my various mafialevel connections, I managed to score tickets to seven different shows. I found it educational and funny (often for the wrong reasons). Here are seven things I learned.

1. All comedians are insecure.

Self-deprecating humor can be hilarious, but some comedians take it way too far. Instead of laughing, at times I just wanted to get on stage and hug those poor, battered souls. “I’m fat. I’m single. And my father never loved me.”

Dude, that’s not funny. Go get counseling.

Comedians know this and use this social flaw to their advantage, seizing any opportunity for a period or pussy gag. The audience gasped every time.

5. Comedy is not a very lucrative business.

Or so I was told…. about 260009090 times. Look I get it, your industry is terrible, you have no money, and you probably paid everyone in the show to be there. But in a world overflowing with funny cat videos and Donald Trump, spending money to laugh is no longer necessary.

It’s a luxury most people can’t afford. Perhaps if you wanted more money you would stop joking about having no money. Just a thought.

6. Comedy isn’t diverse.

2. If you don’t joke about Catholic priests, you suck.

Every comedian I saw somehow managed to find a way to jest about the HILARIOUS topic of pedophilia and rape in the Catholic Church. Whether it was through a New Zealand music angle (The Feelers) or from a personal experience (I dated a priest when I was young), almost every comedian I saw had a bit on kiddy fiddling. I thought this trend could be related to the new film Spotlight, but after some extensive research (two Google searches), I found comedians have been poking fun at this topic for years. Very original, guys.

3. Penis jokes are and always will be a crowd favourite.

Penis… PENIS… PENIS!!!!!! That’s right, people still love dick jokes more than ever. Whether it’s a cocky pun about “cumming in” or just a straight up “WHO HERE LIKES DICK?” the audience were all over it.

Even though the shows were all after dark, I wore Dirty Dog sunglasses to every single one of them, as the glaring white audience hurt my eyes. “THE WHITE! IT BURNS!” people would say as they walked into the grungy theatre, shielding their faces with their sleeve. However, the audience merely reflected the comedians themselves, which is pretty sad. The world of stage production seems almost as whitewashed as Hollywood.

7. Swearing is cool.

Although I learned this years ago at primary school, the Comedy Fest retaught me how bad-ass swearing makes you look. “Hey. Fuck.” Oooh yeah, coolness level raised! But seriously, there’s something about dropping an f-bomb that makes people laugh like a gaggle of geese (do geese laugh?). Swearing adds flavour to an otherwise boring statement and comedians shit all over the audience with their fucked up language constantly. But I personally like it. Why the fuck not?

4. Vagina jokes are also popular.

We live in the 21 century. Women are ‘sexually liberated’ and can vote and shit, but for some reason, people still find female genitalia shocking. st

To conclude, I think most comedians need psychological help, originality, and probably a career change. However there were a few golden performances, which made the whole (fucking) experience worth it.

19

A BLOODY DISGRACE (and why you should care)

Amelia Petrovich It’s that time of the year again where we all have to re-learn how to fill out a tax return form, and as such, a lot of us have money matters on the mind.

Money isn’t a subject that I usually know much about, I’m certainly not the kind of person who ever has a lot of it, which means that a lot of the time I’m not really qualified to talk about it.

A thing that has become evident for me in the last little while though is that, even if we all understand that in a capitalist country money does matter, not all money matters are equal and it certainly seems like some people’s money matters more than others.

These things are becoming evident because I am slowly learning more and more about the ‘Tampon Tax’ What is the ‘Tampon Tax’?

The ‘Tampon Tax’ obviously relates directly to menstrual protection products (pads, tampons, moon cups, etc.) and is a component of what a lot of people are calling ‘The Pink Tax’, which essentially is the extra amount a customer pays for the female-marketed version of something (for example, gendered shirts, pink-coloured razors, soap that smells like flowers and

other things that the masculine population can’t purchase for fear of combustion).

‘Tampon Tax’ however is a little different to a lot of these aforementioned pink things, because it deals with products that are pretty much unavoidable. It’s easy to want to buy flowery soap and purchase it by choice, but you can choose to use sanitary products just about as much as you can choose to use toilet paper.

In New Zealand and many other Western countries, sanitary products are taxed because they are deemed to be “luxury” items and are subsequently pricey as fuck to acquire, despite being something that most women have to purchase every month or so to maintain a decent standard of hygiene.

Why are people annoyed about it?

Basically, people who menstruate resent having to pay this much for sanitary items because quite frankly, having to buy specific products to deal with a bodily issue that re-occurs roughly every month doesn’t feel luxurious. It’s not a rose-pink bath bomb or a brand new top from Zara, it’s a freakin’ period and the only really luxurious thing about sanitary products is that, in Western society like New Zealand, a lot of us do at least have access to them.

But my god could that access be improved.

While petitions to do with axing the ‘Tampon Tax’ have been circulated for a while now in New Zealand, there still seems to be more coverage of the issue in places like Australia and England, and more resources online dedicated to the cause too. I hopped onto bloodydisgrace.org (essentially the international home page of the anti-tampon tax movement) and calculated that, when I’m as old as my Mum, the tax I would have paid on sanitary items throughout my whole life is equal to no less than nine botox sessions. Nine.

tax doesn’t dis-apparate once a product is selected by someone who doesn’t need it, it stays until the powers that be realise that it shouldn’t be there.

Also only supporting an ideal if it directly affects you is a pretty pathetic habit to have and you should probably work on kicking it if you have the chance.

What can I do?

Why should I care?

Keep complaining.

Needless to say, if you’re one of the many thousands of people in Aotearoa who menstruate or have ever menstruated, this all matters because at one point or another the tampon tax has directly affected you and your wallet. You’ve spent a lot of money on basic hygiene for a bodily function you can’t control, and that’s a big bit ridiculous.

Even here at AUT, free condoms are a thing, (which is fantastic) but tampons and pads are not. It’s probably just some weird oversight, something that wasn’t meant to happen. Even so though, it does seem suspiciously like certain people’s money matters more than others.

But even if you’ve never had a period and never will have periods, it’s still important to realise that this pricing bullshit ends up affecting roughly half of the population. In Australia, condoms, incontinence pads and kangaroo meat are all tax-exempt despite only being used by a segment of society. It’s kind of a big deal. And if you’re not really the altruistic type, perhaps consider the fact that one-day you may still have to buy sanitary products anyway. Maybe you have a wife, a girlfriend, a daughter, a friend with a vagina, whatever… the point is that if you ever do have to toss one of those Libra packets into your trolley, you’re going to have to pay that dumb tax too. The

Honestly, Google ‘tampon tax petition’ and a plethora of the things are at your fingertips. Sign away, continue the discussion and keep on posing questions. All of the negation I’ve read about this so far has pretty much been rich, old white dudes like Allan Bullott being like “yeah but where will we get that tax money from if not tampons? Checkmate girlies.”

Fuck knows Allan, but what we’re trying to unanimously say is that it shouldn’t be from our collective period agony.

Maybe start listening.

21

The broken window of WG Amelia Petrovich Beautiful people of AUT University, it is my solemn and reluctant duty to inform you of a tragedy in our midst.

WG Level Five, for those of you who don’t know, is the third year Communications students’ haven, fully equipped with computers, printers and sometimes even a communal stapler for assignment hand-ins.

It truly has been a safe space full of love and fun all year… bar one shocking oversight that is.

The big window that looks down onto Level Three and across to the library is still shattered.

That is correct ladies and gentlemen, the view from Level Five is partially obstructed by a spider web of glass cracks that nobody can accurately explain.

No one is clear how this happened or who did it, third years simply returned to AUT after the summer holidays excited to enter their new Level Five home, only to find the beautiful window in a state of violent disarray.

Over the past few months there has been much speculation as to the reason for this unsightly crack. Some say it was a third year of

2015, perhaps sick and tired of working on ad campaign briefs and compelled to head-butt rigid glass to vent their frustration.

Others wonder if perhaps Level Five was the site of a staff football match during the summer break, and if perhaps football isn’t a thing that Comms tutors are particularly gifted at.

Either way though, the fact remains that this break happened over last summer and now, as semester one draws to a close, the mysterious breakage appears no closer to being fixed.

The elongated time period that the window has stayed in this condition almost indicates that its presence on Level Five is intentional and welcomed.

Could this be art? Are maybe all of us un-cultured and unable to see this as the installation piece it really is? It is possible, dear readers, that this shattered glass is an observational art work depicting the fragmentation of today’s media audience, or the shattering of one’s own tertiary hopes and dreams.

At any rate, the broken window looks set to stay with us for the rest of 2016, an enigma, an antithesis to architectural structure and precision.

A mystery.

23

TIME TO CARE Julie Cleaver The refugee crisis is one of the most momentous events in recent history. Millions of people have fled their homes, risking an uncertain future and potentially death, all in the hope of finding a safe place to live. This enormous phenomenon has led some countries like Germany to look beyond race and just accept everyone as fellow people of this planet. This crisis is no longer an international one – it’s a human one.

However, we all know New Zealand has been a bit slow to jump on the compassion bandwagon. We take 750 refugees every year, and that number hasn’t increased since 1987. Which is crazy, considering back then only mad geniuses knew about the internet, smart phones were still a product of science fiction, and you could buy a house in Auckland for less than $80 000.

Although our government has decided to accept a few extras on top of the quota here and there, globally we’re still shocking. Compared to other developed nations we’re about as empathetic as Donald Trump. “We love refugees! Just not in our country… let’s build a wall.”

Our government’s lack of immediate action makes it pretty obvious that they really don’t care. In fact it seems as though a lot of people actually just don’t care. Or maybe they do for half a second when they watch the news, but not enough to go out and join a vigil or complain about it. However, there are some people who really, really care. These are the volunteers, and surprisingly, there are a lot of them.

According to Heidi Cripps – the Red Cross coordinator who manages refugee volunteers in Auckland – people are lining up to offer their services across the country. In Dunedin, the new resettlement city, the Red Cross received over 400 applicants to volunteer in one month, which was well over the 45 people they actually need. There are so many people wanting to help they actually have a waiting list.

This crisis iS no longer an international one – it’s a human one.

This is fascinating considering being a volunteer is a huge commitment. The process is like this: after people are screened and selected, they undergo a six-week training course. This happens once a week for a couple of hours. Then they are placed with a family to whom they are required to give three solid weeks of dedicated help to – five hours a day, five days a week. On top of that volunteers have to visit their families every Saturday or Sunday for three months. With that amount of time, you could finish watching both Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad from start to finish twice (literally, do the math). So what motivates people to give all their precious TV watching hours away?

25

Aidan Daly, an Auckland-based volunteer and full time high school social studies teacher, chose to volunteer after educating his students about what refugees go through.

“When Syria was really starting to reach a peak I was thinking ‘this is awful, there must be something that I can do that involves more than just throwing money at a problem’.”

In order to relate to what life is like for some refugees at home, imagine this. You walk into Countdown but the shelves are empty.

Through the experience Mr Daly has grown attached to the family he was assigned. He said he plans to keep visiting long after his contract with them ends.

“They’re a really nice family – lovely people – and you get really emotionally invested with them as well because obviously you want them to do well and you want to help them as much as you can.”

So what was it Mr Daly was teaching his students that motivated him to act? According to DoSomething.org, a refugee is someone who cannot live in their own country safely. They are in danger of being killed either due to persecution or war.

In order to relate to what life is like for some refugees at home, imagine this. You walk into Countdown but the shelves are empty.

You haven’t eaten food in a few days and don’t know when your next meal will be. Then you walk down Queen Street and think “I could literally die on my way to uni”. Or you vote for the Green Party and fear for your life when walking out of the election booth.

Volunteers know this. They understand that this is what people go through and that if they were in that situation, they would want another country to open their borders and let them in. Also, they would want someone to show them the ropes of that new place when they got there. Volunteers definitely have empathy, but more than that, they have knowledge.

Statistics back this up and show that there is a direct link between understanding and wanting to help. Heidi Cripps said, “We get between 70 and 100 inquiring about our program every month or so. When the emergency increase was announced following the picture of the drowned boy in Turkey – both those things happened really early September – that meant for

Auckland, our inquires went up to 660 for that month. So there was a huge increase.”

Tracey Barnett, an author and journalist who has reported from refugee camps, believes the large number of people wanting to volunteer shows how much New Zealanders support refugees.

“I think it’s indicative of the level of compassion and general public support for refugees that’s contrary to what we hear in contentious talk back. There really is a silent majority out there that feels we can do more and should do more for refugees,” said Tracey Barnett.

Ms Barnett also talked about fear mongering, and how some people lead the masses to believe that refugees are dangerous.

However, studies have shown that foreigners are less likely to commit crimes than locals. She said although some refugees do occasionally do wrong, their offenses are often blown out of proportion by the media.

Additionally, according to DoSomething.org, it is estimated that over 50 percent of refugees are under eighteen. So despite what many people think, the majority of refugees are actually vulnerable, not dangerous.

people dropped that brand name, which is littered with negative connotations, and instead just called them “normal people who just need a place to live”, I bet the quota would increase. Names are so important to people that it’s usually the first thing we find out when we meet someone new. So giving a group a bad name can deeply impact how their viewed.

I think part of the problem arises from the label “refugee”. If people dropped that brand name, which is littered with negative connotations, and instead just called them “normal people who just need a place to live”, I bet the quota would increase.

We’re extremely blessed to be in New Zealand right now.

And likely that blessing was given to you, either by birth or governmental agencies. But remember, there are people who have not had that blessing. It wasn’t their fault, and we need to help give them that blessing by pushing the government to act.

Volunteers really do care, and hopefully, now you do too.

I think part of the problem arises from the label “refugee”. If

27

GOING HEALTHY

Laurien Barks Last week I had the pleasure of having a consultation with GO Healthy’s own, Janeen Howard. On behalf of GO Healthy vitamins and supplements, Janeen had a chat with me for about half an hour about any ailments I have bothering me, and used the information to write me up a ‘prescription’ for a variety of vitamins that might help me out.

As part of a personal experiment, I’m keen to document a mini journal about how these vitamins make a difference in my physical well-being over the next couple months. Never being one to take many vitamin supplements, this’ll be a new one for me, and Janeen’s enthusiasm has most definitely peaked my curiosity.

Incredibly welcoming, and an absolute ray of sunshine, if you ever find yourself with the opportunity to stop in for your own ‘Warrant of Welness’, I highly suggest you do so. Even if there’s nothing that ails you, you’re in for a lovely warm chat (and some solid advice on how to maintain your bodily perfection, I’m sure).

The process involved going through pages and pages of questions regarding anything from joint pain, to digestion, to skin and hair – I was asked to be open and honest about whether I had any issues with a number of different physical areas so Janeen could form as accurate a picture as possible of what the haps was with my usually fine, but occasionally annoying bod.

Turns out, despite feeling pretty damn calm at the time, I was exhibiting a lot of signs for stress. I managed to peg this to a fairly stressful time not too long ago, and apparently while my mind is more chillaxed now, my body’s still trying to play catch up. A lot of us students are probably headed for a similar situation with exams just around the corner, so I’m curious to see if the vitamins I’ve been given assist in bringing my body back to its final form. From thinning hair, to blotchy nails, Janeen has promised to try and help my body calm the hell down (my words, not hers…hers were a lot nicer).

The other major issue brought to light was perhaps my most exciting revelation of the year, because I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve just started referring to my insane random bloating as my ‘gas baby.’ It’s become such a part of who I am, that I’ve accepted it and formed a semi-weird bond with it. It’s uncomfortable, it’s random, I figured I was allergic to something but was too lazy/stubborn to give whatever it was up. Janeen pointed out that it was probably a lack of great bacteria all up in my digestive tract due to being on the pill. Apparently the lil thing can wreak havoc in there, and cause major bloating and pain. I’ve been given a probiotic to test out, so we’ll see if I can get rid of my randomized baby bump over the next few weeks.

More updates of what my large intestine and hair follicles are doing are coming up, and hell, if you’d like to be a guinea pig yourself, we’ve got several giveaways for different vitamins coming up over the next few weeks of Debate. So stay tuned!

THE STRANGE AND WONDERFUL INVESTMENTS OF THE WEEK

Kurt Schmidt This week we explore Earth storage, improving business performance through wearable sensors, and the trendy world of medical apparel.

These are the top three venture capital investments of the week:

Omni / $7M Series A Omni is all about living lighter. However, unlike traditional weight loss apps, instead of helping you drop the kilos from your waist, Omni reduces the kilos or ‘waste’ from your living room; like that “Exercycle” or “Ab king pro” you’ve been meaning to use for the past year. Omni is a storage facility that you never have to visit. It’s like drop box but for real stuff that you also never really use. It works by having your items picked up, photographed and catalogued to your account. These items are viewable on the app where you’ll have a beautiful visual record of every single item you’ve stored. And better yet, within two hours the item can be back in your living room ready to help you lighten your waist.

Humanyze / $4M Series A Humanyze helps improve employee performance through wearable sensors. Sounds ironic right? The introduction of technology and saying you’re humanising someone. However this tech / social relations company is onto something. Their theory is that in large companies the people that perform the best are those that communicate with the most people.

Humanyze fits every employee with a Bluetooth name badge.

These name badges measure the contact with other name badges to create a map of employee communication. They take

this information and reorder the work stations so that people who are performing badly, and communicate infrequently are forced to say sit next to the boss…. Yay! Although this sounds like some employees worst nightmare, Humanyzes’ case studies show amazing improvements to employee performance.

Figs / $5M Series A Are you a surgeon, doctor, nurse or scientist? Probably not yet.

However being a student means there’s a good chance one day very soon you will be. And one thing you probably aren’t ready for is the fact that you’re about to be forced to wear some really shitty clothes. The inseam, pockets and shoulders will leave you feeling like the hunch back of Notre Dome. While the itch from the fabric reminds you that yes the NZ health system is publicly funded. You spend more time in your uniform than in any other piece of clothing, so having workwear that can perform at the highest level is paramount. This is where Figs come in. Figs creates innovative, comfortable, and supremely functional medical apparel for the modern world. Made by a fashion designer these clothes both feel amazing and look good, and seeing as you’re probably going to be saving the world you do deserve to be comfortable.

So there you have it, you can now make space in your house because your boss is moving in to make you work better, but don’t get too down because he/she is bringing along some kick arse medical apparel so you can hit the clubs together in style.

Team bonding and looking good: $16 million, actually enjoying being together: priceless. There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else there’s your boss’ MasterCard.

Stay tuned for next week.

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REVIEWS

I purchased Radiohead’s latest album off their website with a fiery excitement in my belly and an intense longing in my loins (too much?). Despite my fingers itching to press play, I waited for the perfect time of day, a time where my chances of interruption were lowest, so I could enjoy the undoubtedly stunning album in its complete, unsegmented glory.

Burn the Witch takes the initial reigns with a stellar string component to its complexities that carries through and features in the entire album. The heavy focus on strings this album surprised and delighted me, and now that I’ve had a taste, I want more. So much more.

The best tracks, in my humble opinion, would have to be Burn the Witch, Identikit, The Numbers, and True Love Waits, but most definitely work best as a complete compilation. It’s smooth, it’s twisty, it’s confusing, it’s complicated AF, it’s Radiohead.

A MOON SHAP ED POOL Radiohead | Album Reviewed by Laurien Barks

Highly recommended if you’re a fan of their previous work, it won’t disappoint. I commend the balance they’ve struck between the old and the new.

If you get it off their website, you get three downloads for roughly 10 to 15 dollars after the dust settles, or get amongst at your closest music store because it ain’t on Spotify yet, and you really shouldn’t be waiting around to listen to it.

For a movie that is nearly two and a half hours long, not a great deal happens in Apocalypse. We get told plenty of times that the end of the world is at stake, and they definitely want us to be prepared, but there is such little substance to these threats that by the time we finally reach the climax, you simply don’t care if the world ends or not.

Much like the previous X-Men prequels, the movie spends a lot of time bringing the mutants back together for a two day adventure: Mystique is a reluctant messiah, Charles has opened his school, Magneto is a labourer in Poland because why not, plus we get introduced to younger versions of Cyclops, Jean Grey and Storm.

Once we know how everyone’s doing, the villain comes in: this is Apocalypse, a mutant from Ancient Egypt who is never once called Apocalypse, who has vague plans to destroy mankind by having Magneto collapse every building on the planet for equally vague reasons.

X -ME N: A POC ALYPSE Directed by Bryan Singer Starring Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, James McAvoy Reviewed by Ethan Sills

The best part of this X-prequel series has been the acting: the series is more character based than other superhero franchises, and excels when McAvoy, Fassbender and Lawrence get to show off what they’ve got. Sophie Turner adds her own energy with a great turn as Jean Grey, but unfortunately, most of the actors are better than this movie. It is slow and meandering, delaying the climax for a lengthy interval in order to include Wolverine, and then both rushes and crawls in equal measure through the final battle in a way that makes Batman v Superman look calm and considered. The X-Men may have kick started the superhero movie revolution, but after 16 years, it’s time to hang up the metal helmet and visors and leave it to the professionals.

AL’S DELI

THE JUN GLE BOOK

Restaurant | 1/492 Queen Street Reviewed by Laurien Barks

Directed by Jon Faverau | Starring Neel Sethi, Idris Elba Reviewed by Ethan Sills

I’ve gotta say, while I love New Zealand, there’s been a time or two over the years where I’ve craved some really solid Canadian treat food. And until recently, I had only managed to track down Canadian wannabes who couldn’t tell me the difference between a perogie and a poutine if their manners depended on it. Cue Al’s Deli…

Auckland’s most legit Canadian cuisine to date.

With treats on treats on treats, this is the place to visit if you’re missing home, enjoy quirky atmospheres, or simply want to try something new and delicious.

I’d recommend most everything on the menu, but my collective personal favs have got to be their buffalo wings, onion rings, pastrami sandwich, and kale+broccoli little side dish (it’s actually awesome…and makes you feel better about the onion rings, pastrami, and wings). They’ve also got some badass authentic dill pickles to tickle your fancy – I only wish they sold them in bigger portion sizes.

I’ve yet to try one yet (though I hardly think you’ll need a positive review to sway your purchase decision – one look and you’ll be a goner), but their donut selection is ginormous and beautiful.

Complete with syringes pumped full of filling for you to DIY, and encrusted in glorious Reese peanut butter cups, salted caramel sauce, Crunchie bar pieces, and pretty much everything you’ve ever dreamed of, these gorgeous creations are sights to behold.

Disney’s plan to continue rehashing their old animated classics for the CGI era is not necessary in a creative sense, but financially, there’s no way this trend is going to stop any time soon. The Jungle Book is only the latest of this 21st century adaptations, and while the story is nothing new, the animation is enough to make it worthwhile.

The story follows Mowgli, a young boy orphaned as a child and raised by a wolf pack as one of their own. He and the animals live together in harmony until Shree Khan, a vicious tiger, makes a threat against his life. Mowgli is forced to go on the run, where he finds a friend in a lazy bear named Baloo.

The main attraction of this adaptation is the visual elements rather than the story itself: the animals and CGI jungle are all impressive to look at and make Jungle Book a pleasure to watch. Story wise it’s nothing special, though there is a nice message about being yourself that they handle well. The choice of voice actors varies: Idris Elba voices Shere Khan with complete dedication, but Bill Murray didn’t work as Baloo for me. At the end of the day, we didn’t need a new version of The Jungle Book, but the excellent animation justifies its existence – if only they’d put more effort into the story itself.

Good for any time of day, including happy hour with their hard milkshakes and fancy cocktails, Al’s Deli is a fantastic outlet to crush any craving under the sun.

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SISTERS

This series is about the sibling bond, even though there may be countless fights between siblings, you know they will always have your back when you’re in trouble.

Credits: Cynthia & Vanessa @Unique Model Management H&M: @madeupbyruth Photography & Styling: @Gathum (www.gathum.co.nz)

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recipe from Ocado.com

Braised Coconut Spinach & Chickpeas with Lemon

Grilled Halloumi Peppers with Honey •

100g couscous

•

250g halloumi cheese

DIRECTIONS

•

300ml hot vegetable stock

•

1 bag mixed salad leaves

1)

•

25g butter

•

2 tbsp honey

Put couscous in a bowl and add hot vegetable stock.

Leave to soak for 10 minutes.

•

1 bunch spring onions

•

4 tbsp olive oil

2)

•

1 medium courgette

•

2 tbsp red wine vinegar

Melt butter in a frying pan and fry spring onions and courgette until soft, add the tomatoes then remove from the heat. Fluff up the couscous with a fork and add the onion mixture. Season.

•

12 cherry tomatoes

•

1 tsp Dijon mustard

3)

•

2 large red peppers, halved and deseeded

•

2 tsp fresh thyme leaves

•

Salt and pepper

•

2 large yellow peppers, halved and deseeded

Preheat the grill, arrange pepper halves under the grill, cut sides down. Grill for 4-5 minutes until just beginning to char slightly. Turn them over and fill them with couscous mixture, then top them with slices of halloumi. Grill another 4-5 minutes until the cheese browns.

4)

Make the dressing by mixing honey, olive oil, mustard, vinegar, thyme, and seasoning.

5)

Serve peppers with salad leaves, spooning dressing over them.

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