OY VEY

OY VEY! HAVE I GOT A PROBLEM...

Dear Rachel, I am not a happy person. Is there a way to change that? That is my whole question! I have many blessings in my life, including a loving spouse, healthy children, and a stable income. But I find that rather than walking around in a joyful state of mind, I am often prickly and hyper-focused on what goes wrong during my day. To be completely transparent, I often find myself looking at others through a lens of envy, imagining that they are much happier. Do you have any suggestions that can help me to enjoy life?

Signed,

Moody

Dear Moody,

It sounds like you have many blessings that you acknowledge, yet the state of happiness eludes you. I believe this is a common human characteristic. How many of us remember to be thankful that our car got us to work, that we or our children woke up feeling well, that all our appliances are functioning, etc.? And yet, when the car doesn’t start or someone is home sick and our lives are upended, suddenly we are having a terrible day! We don’t usually ask “Why me?” when everything is smooth and running efficiently. Rather, when difficulties strike, we rail and hurl that question heavenward.

You also mentioned the tendency to look at others and assume they have it better and easier, which leads you to jealousy. That, too, is a normal human emotion that we can and should try to combat and overcome.

Although negativity and envy are integral parts of human nature, it is our task to rise above these tendencies. However, there are also many individuals who struggle more with these emotions than others. We are all different and have our own individual sensitivities and emotions. So, please don’t blame yourself for your feelings. This is your challenge, and I commend you for looking to achieve positive change.

So, how can you feel happier? My suggestion would be to start with gratitude. When you remember to be thankful for the myriad gifts you receive throughout every day, that will jumpstart your quest to achieve happiness.

Experiencing your own growth, whether from raising children, doing well in a job, or completing a project brings a sense of meaning and purpose. Feeling fulfilled and accomplished leads to inner contentment and happiness.

Giving to others is also conducive to happiness. Whether it’s something as small and inexpensive as a smile or a bigger contribution, you will walk away with a warm feeling of inner contentment. Are you connecting with family and friends? As social creatures, people need each other. And there are few gifts that can compare to loving relationships with family and friends.

Next time your oven breaks or one of the kids gets sick, take a deep breath, and remember: I had a great day yesterday, and with G-d’s help, I will have many more great days. This is just a small blotch on the magnificent tapestry of my life. And believe it or not, you can often find gifts within the blotches — maybe staying home with that sick child will afford you special time with him or her that would not have happened otherwise.

I wish you much success as you attempt to climb the steps leading to happiness.

Warmly, Rachel

Atlanta Jewish Times Advice Column

Got a problem? Email Rachel Stein, a certified life coach, at oyvey@ atljewishtimes.com describing your problem in 250 words or less. We want to hear from you and get helpful suggestions for your situation at the same time!

JEWISH JOKE

Third Best Diamond in the World

A buxom blonde at a charity ball was boasting to a friend about her new diamond ring. “It’s the third most valuable diamond in the world!” she said. The first is the Hope Diamond, the second is Kohinoor Diamond and then comes this one – the Finkelstein Diamond! “Unfortunately,” she continued, “the owner of the famous Finkelstein Diamond must also accept the famous Finkelstein Curse.” “What’s the Finkelstein Curse?” asked the friend. “Finkelstein!” the blonde sighed.

YIDDISH WORD OF THE MONTH

shveml

n. mushroom

“Pineapple is fine, but don’t you dare put that shveml on my pizza!”

Ancient Israelites were known to forage for mushrooms following the rains. As the Talmud notes, wild mushrooms aren’t tithed, since they “do not grow by being sown nor does the earth extrude them.” Babylonian rabbis apparently enjoyed them for dessert during Passover Seder. Ashkenazi dishes feature mushrooms prominently, especially those belonging to the genus Boletus, like the porcini (Boletus edulis). Since mushrooms grow from the ground but are not plants, the proper prayer is not the one for vegetables or tree fruits, but the more general she’Hakol prayer.