OY VEY

OY VEY! HAVE I GOT A PROBLEM...

Oy Vey! Have I Got a Problem

Dear Rachel, I have a two-fold dilemma relating to a significant issue. I’m in my early 20’s, have an outgoing, upbeat personality, and am optimistic regarding an upcoming interview for a dream teaching job. On another note, I’m dating a guy seriously, and it looks like we’re heading in a positive direction that will, with G-d’s help, culminate in marriage. So, I’m sure you’re wondering, what’s the problem? Well, here it is: I have mild anxiety and take medication to keep it under control. So, here’s my two-part question: Do I have to be upfront on my application where they ask if I have any medical conditions? And do I have to be transparent with my date? I am concerned that if I tell either of them about my anxiety, my revelation may be a deal-breaker, and that would really be unfair and unjust. My anxiety does not impact my abilities or performance in any situation, and I, thankfully, lead a busy and productive life. What’s your take?

Sincerely,

Naomi

Dear Naomi,

What a brave question! You obviously value honesty, yet you don’t want to be judged unfairly for a condition that is well-managed and doesn’t affect your life negatively. To give you the best possible advice, I consulted with a mental health professional and will convey her recommendation.

Regarding the job, since you manage your anxiety well, it would be unethical for an institution to use that information to disqualify you. If I were a principal, I would rather hire a teacher who deals with her mental health issue in a healthy way over a candidate who refuses to look at herself in the mirror and deal with any possible concerns. What is the reason they ask you this information? Is it so that in the event of a medical emergency, they would have on file the prescription you are taking? Or is it to weed out a potential teacher who may not be fully qualified for the job?

The counselor I spoke with advised having an open conversation with the principal and asking for guidance about your situation. These days, most people are much more understanding of mental health conditions and would only want to have that information on file in the event of a medical necessity.

Regarding the man you are dating and hope to marry, here is my feeling. Any serious relationship, especially marriage, needs to be based on a foundation of trust. In the initial stages of a relationship, as you get to know each other, I don’t think it’s necessary to mention your anxiety, especially since it’s mild and is being treated effectively. However, once your relationship deepens, and it sounds like you have already reached that level, I think you should be open about your condition. If the situation were reversed, wouldn’t you want your fiancé (or future fiancé) to mention his condition to you? How would you feel if he didn’t?

If this man is your bashert, then something as relatively minor as low-grade anxiety shouldn’t be an obstacle in moving forward. And if this man decides to back out of the relationship, then he is not your intended, painful as that may be. But it is certainly better to find out now than after you are engaged.

I wish you happiness, success, and fulfillment in both of these significant roles. If this teaching job works out, may you thrive in reaching out to the coming generation, helping to mold your students as they tune into their strengths and learn to utilize their potential. Regarding your personal relationship, may you and your bashert share a relationship of closeness and love that grows and flourishes with each passing day. ìì

Wishing you success, Rachel

Atlanta Jewish Times Advice Column

Got a problem? Email Rachel Stein, a certified life coach, at oyvey@ atljewishtimes.com describing your problem in 250 words or less. We want to hear from you and get helpful suggestions for your situation at the same time!

JEWISH JOKE

Wake-Up Call

On the morning of Rosh Hashanah, Rebecca went to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for synagogue, to which he replied in a dull voice, “I’m not going.” “Why not?” Rebecca demanded. “'I’ll give you two good reasons, Mother,” he said. “One, they don’t like me. And two, I don’t like them.” In an exasperated voice, Rebecca replied, “I’ll give you two good reasons why you must go: One, you’re 54 years old. And two, you’re the rabbi.”

Source: Chabad Naples Jewish Community Center

YIDDISH WORD OF THE MONTH

schlimazel

Yiddish: שלימזל ,is a person who consistently gets into trouble. It is a portmanteau word, i.e. a fusion of two words into one with a new meaning (e.g. Britain + Exit = Brexit). A widely accepted explanation is a fusion of the German schlimm = “bad” (from Middle High German: “crooked, bent”) and the Hebrew מזל mazel = “luck”. Schlimazel is often associated with another Yiddish word, Schlemiel, a clumsy or awkward person. For example: “The schlemiel spills the drink on the schlimazel’s lap.”

Rabbi Joab Eichenberg-Eilon, PhD, teaches Biblical Hebrew and Aramaic at the Israel Institute of Biblical Studies, eTeacher Group Ltd.