OY VEY

OY VEY! HAVE I GOT A PROBLEM...

Dear Rachel, My baby sister has a long list of serious issues, and I worry about her. Since she doesn’t have a good relationship with our parents, I have stepped into the role of “mothering” her. She has a short fuse, struggles to keep a job more than a few months, and suffers from depression. Sadly, she had a rough childhood and got picked on in school. Being a noncon formist, she got into a lot of trouble – both at home and in school. Her relationship with our parents has always been very rocky with a lot of ups and downs and hurt feelings. Those are the problems that impede her. On the bright side, she has a long list of posi tive qualities. When she does a job, she cares that it be executed well, from start to finish. She is intuitive and warm-hearted and enjoys helping others when the mood suits her. I care so much that she find her path in life and achieve optimum success. I have en couraged her, even begged her, to go for therapy – but she is resistant, insisting there is nothing wrong with her – it’s the rest of the world that is at fault. It’s her boss, her co-work er, our parents; somehow, she is never to blame for anything that goes wrong in her life. What should I do? How can I help my sister?

Sincerely, Amy

Dear Amy,

You have asked a beautiful question. Your caring and compassion for your struggling sister comes through in every line of your poignant letter. She is lucky to have you as her support system.

I’m sorry that I don’t have a perfect solution. I wish I could wave a magic wand, and presto! Your sister will happily dance her way into an excellent therapist’s office and stick with the process until her issues are satisfactorily resolved.

I feel that a person has to want to help herself, and only then can she achieve success. If her mind is open and she truly wants to maximize her potential and make the most of her life, she will be willing to undergo whatever it takes to reach her goals. But if her heart is sealed, no amount of outside pressure can force her to take the steps necessary for change to take place.

I am sure this is not the answer you were hoping to hear. Perhaps you hoped I would suggest getting someone she admires on her case, which may not be a bad idea. If there is a rabbi or mentor somewhere in the picture, maybe she will be more open to listening to that person rather than from a know-it-all older sister. No offense, but that seems to be the way most younger siblings view the oldest, accurate or not.

I wonder if your job may be to take a step back. Perhaps your role is simply to be a listening ear and to offer compassionate support. Lending your ears and heart is of invaluable assistance to anyone on this planet; there is not a single person who doesn’t need someone to love and care about them! And, when your sister is ready, hopefully she will get up on her own two feet and take the necessary measures to affect her healing and move forward with her life.

Maybe, just maybe, your sister craves independence. You did mention that she is a nonconformist. It is possible that once she stops hearing “orders” from you, she will assert herself and devise a plan that will help her succeed in her endeavors.

Thank you for being a stellar example of what it means to be a caring sister. Wishing you all the best and much nachas from your younger sister,

Rachel

Atlanta Jewish Times Advice Column

Got a problem? Email Rachel Stein at oyvey@atljewishtimes.com, describing your problem in 250 words or less. We want to hear from you and get helpful suggestions for your situation at the same time!

Jewish Food Glossary Kasha Varnishkes

One of the little-known delicacies which is even more difficult to pronounce than to cook. It has nothing to do with varnish but is basically a mixture of buckwheat and bowtie macaroni [noodles]. Why a bowtie? Many sages discussed this and agreed that some Jewish mother decided that “You can’t come to the table without a tie” or, G-d forbid, “An elbow on my table?” Cholent

This combination of noxious gases had been the secret weapon of Jews for centuries. The unique mixture of beans, barley, potatoes, and bones or meat is meant to stick to your ribs and anything else it comes into contact with. At a fancy Mexican restaurant [kosher, of course] I once heard this comment from a youngster who had just had his first taste of Mexican fried beans: “What! Do they serve leftover cholent here too?” Latkes

There is a rumor that in the time of the Maccabees they lit a latke by mistake and it burned for eight days. What is certain is you will have heartburn for the same amount of time. Matzah

The Egyptians’ revenge for leaving slavery. It consists of a simple mix of flour and water, no eggs or flavor at all. When made well, it could actually taste like cardboard. Its redeeming value is that it does fill you up and stays with you for a long time. However, it is recommended that you eat a few prunes soon after.

Source: Harry Leichter’s Jewish Humor

YIDDISH WORD OF THE MONTH

V'GEYT'S?

What gives? What's up? What's new? What's wrong? pronounced v-gayt-uhs "Nu, I haven't seen you for a while; so, v'geyt's?"