ATHLEISURE MAG #78 JUN ISSUE | THE POWER OF RELATIONSHIPS

We love reality shows and a number of our readers enjoy The Bachelor/The Bachelorette and even tweet along with us during each episode. We love seeing the social interaction, the dates, experiences and more. Prior to the pandemic, reality shows that focused on relationships went to the next level with an array of social experiments from Love is Blind, The Circle, The Ultimatum and more. These shows break new ground and really allow us to analyze how we interact with another.

On June 24th, The One That Got Away hits Prime Video. It allows people to look at their past to see if someone at that time could be a great fit for them. We caught up with singer/songwriter, Betty Who who is the host of this show. We talk about how she got attached and what we can expect. We also talk with Elan Gale who serves as the show runner and executive producer delves into the intracicies of relationships with us.

ATHLEISURE MAG: It was such a great show to watch as who doesn’t love how we continue to explore social experiments when it comes to dating? What drew you to this show to want to be part of it?

BETTY WHO: I am such a fan of reality dating shows and it actually started with The Bachelor! I wasn’t really a fan of this and being in this sort of world. Then I got the chance to perform on The Bachelorette in Becca’s season. I was shooting it and I was thinking, “this is crazy – this world and this whole thing.” So I got super into The Bachelor and The Bachelorette and that’s how it introduced me to the world and now I feel like I’m a connoisseur and I’m all about it now! So when this conversation sort of started, someone came to me and asked if this would be something that I would be interested in. I was like, “guys, I don’t want to oversell it but, I would crush this job!” I think that this is a very powerful combination for me. I feel very lucky and yet very perplexed as to why they booked me, but I did what I could and I think that I showed up and showed out I think!

AM: I think that it’s such an amazing fit because in watching you, we’re used to the formats of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette where the host is interacting with the primary person and the people competing. In this situation, we have 6 people that are exploring themselves, you coming in and connecting with them and being able to interact with them when they’re broken down in the experience of it all! There are some intense moments and being able to see you in that way, what was your takeaway in watching all of this?

BW: I think that I really appreciated the opportunity to have conversations with those contestants in that moment. I think that as someone in my personal life, I really want to be warm and a safe space for my friends. I want to provide that warm energy with people and that’s something that I also like to do on stage as an entertainer. You want to create that safe space where people want to be able to come in and enjoy themselves. It was a new way for me to stretch my muscle in that way as it was 1-on-1, but still in this very highly curated environment where it’s still fundamentally about entertainment for us. I love to have a job, I love to entertain and I love to have all of these incredibly talented and creative people who know so much more about how to make a reality television show because what do I know? They’re like, do this and I’m like, ok this is such a fun adventure and I was in good hands! I think that that is a huge part of my enjoyment and experience on the show being such a positive one. I give that all to the people who sort of held my hand along the way. I feel very lucky.

AM: I saw the initial 6 episodes via the screener ahead of the launch on Jun 24th and I can’t wait to see the remaining 4! I really want to know as every episode I was transfixed!

BW: I’m so glad that you’re hooked! This is exciting!

AM: I am so hooked. As a reality junkie – I love this format.

BW: Oh, so you’re our target demo! So if you’re loving it, this is good news!

AM: For sure! At first when I heard the concept about the portal I was a little confused about it. But then I started watching it and getting how you guys delved into picking people from there past. Although at one point, I was like, wait they literally just got the guy that followed her on Instagram? I’d be mad too. To see you reasoning with her and asking her to go back one more time because there was a better person, was pretty funny.

BW: Um yeah, we’re definitely a little bit shady! But I think that that is my favorite part! I was watching to do some prep before I hosted a television show. I was looking at getting a lay of the land. I saw all of these hosts that did different things and I was watching Nick and Vanessa from Love is Blind.

AM: Love that show!

BW: I love that show and I was checking everybody out and I know that this isn’t a dating show, but I think that Jeff Probst – how shady Jeff Probst is on Survivor is one of my favorite things about the show! The way that he says, “so and so, I see you’re still having a tough time over there.” He is not afraid to stir shit up and I think that that’s especially amazing. I pray for a season 2 so that I can get even more. I just wanted to be nice the first time around and to have everyone like me as I was totally a fish out of water. But now that I know what’s going on, I’m ready to start some stuff up – you heard it here first!

If you have enjoyed watching The Bachelor/ette, Elan Gale executive produced both of these shows for a decade. A few years ago while we were tweeting along with others about these shows during a season, we noticed Elan talking about the episodes and providing insights. With the launch of TOTGA, we talk about the power of relationships, what makes a good show and the impact of our interactions.

ATHLEISURE MAG: As long time watchers of The Bachelor/The Bachelorette, it’s amazing to chat with you and we love interacting with you on Twitter to hear your thoughts. Before we get into The One That Got Away, what is it about relationships that you love delving into as this is something that has been a large part of your career in creating these shows?

ELAN GALE: Great question! I think that the honest answer is that I have always felt that my relationships are the greatest things in my life. I have a hard time focusing on anything else if I’m being really honest. I always found that I only know what I know. I am only around the people that I am around, I only have relations with people that are in my life and generally from where I’m from because that’s where we are and that’s how we meet. Relationship shows have always given me an opportunity to just watch other people interact with each other and watch them build bonds that hopefully are life changing. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship has to be permanent. I think that that is something that often we put too much emphasis on because almost all of our relationships are impermanent and it doesn’t mean that it’s not important or that it doesn’t change us or make us grow.

So watching people focus on things that are non-linear like relationships which are probably the most important aspects of their lives as well – I think it’s really interesting and it’s a window into how we interact with each other. I think that people are really interesting! I like watching them do whatever the hell they want to do!

AM: So what do you find to be the secret sauce in terms of putting that into TV as a medium? What are the dynamics that make a good show about relationships?

EG: I think that more than anything, we’re looking for people who are effusive. Anyone could be a good TV dating contestant really. What’s hard is finding people who want to explore their emotions in real time. When something happens to me, I process it. I take some time and I’m pretty shy about how I interact with my own emotional life. I would go so far as to say, almost a little cowardly in the way that a lot of people who come on this show aren’t. There’s an incredible bravery in being able to say that I am going to go through all of these intense emotions, but I’m also going to allow people into that and to let them into my world. So finding people who have specific points of few, strong emotions, strong desires, but simultaneously willing to be able to get it wrong because that’s what we usually do. We almost always get it wrong until we get it right! But it doesn’t mean that those are the most compelling relationships either!

Looking at relationships that are raw and based on feelings rather than logistics, I think that TV shows do a really good job of removing the logistics from relationships. I think that’s also one of the things that people find the most jarring about them. It doesn’t feel real to me because the logistics are taken away. But I have found personally, and maybe this is just me, I have found that when I am falling in love, when I’m in a relationship and when I am with people that I feel are important parts of my life – logistics do kind of take a back seat. If we’re going to continue to claim that relationships are the most serious driving force in our lives, then putting logistics to the side is probably a good idea. You can probably figure that out later. The weird magic of love and whatever is the stuff that you can’t do later and you can’t figure that out thoughtfully over time – I don’t think.

AM: I don’t think so either! What brought you to want to be part of this project. I watched the screeners and I’m obsessed, the fact that all of the screeners weren’t available at once made me mad because I’m so invested and I want to know what happens!

EG: I’m so glad you liked it. Thank you for watching!

AM: It was a great watch. I took a Sun and just let the storytelling unfold!EG: That makes me so happy! Honestly, these 6 people just went for it. This is a terrifying show. You don’t know who is coming through that portal and who you are letting into your life. That is such a bravery that they had to step into this – I don’t have it! That’s part of what was so exciting to me. I have a similar relationship that I think that most of the people in the audience had – I wish I could do that to have the tenacity and the openness!

AM: I could never! EG: For me, I have done so many dating shows where strangers meet strangers. There is such an interesting dynamic there and I love those kind of shows. I love watching those shows, but secretly probably the show that I am most addicted to is 90 Day Fiance. What I love about this show is that by the time you meet these people, they really have complex relationships. You have to peel it back like an onion as a viewer. So this – all the things that I love about dating shows, people meeting for the first time and adding this layer of complexity where you get to watch people who they were, previous iterations of themselves and for me, I really wanted to approach this show differently from any other show. I wanted to treat it like sci-fi. I wanted the portal to be like a real time machine and if I’m being honest, this might sound really crazy – for me the show took more inspiration from Rick & Morty than any other dating show I have worked on in the past. Looking at this like one tiny sliver of the multiverse where you can suddenly live a life that you have never lived for a short amount of time and see what that life may have been like. Yeah, if those relationships can go back into the real world, maybe they do – I don’t know. But if they do, that’s really interesting and beautiful, but more importantly this slice of life, this time and this place where nothing really exists is interesting. In the first episode, Jeff meets someone who he hasn't seen in 15 years. They were 2 people and now they're 2 different people just like everyone else is. Getting to watch them date for the first time, but also being able to come to terms with how they’ve changed and to see that through the eyes of someone that’s dating them, it’s really one of the most transformative processes for me as a viewer. At the end of the day, that’s what I am. Getting to watch them and these things that were happening and to be able to watch them and to really see them going through it! The thing that I am most excited about is that no one was focused on results. Everyone got a happy ending but it doesn’t mean that it’s the one that audiences were expecting. I think that we’re set up to believe that dating shows end like this. And maybe they don’t have to. Maybe dating is enough. Maybe moments with people and experiences that you share, looking inward on yourself through the eyes of someone who knew you back then – maybe that’s enough. I think it is and I think that that’s what makes the show so different.

AM: That’s so true. I think that when you look to The Bachelor/ette where you have a designated person that is available although in the upcoming Bachelorette there are 2 – but you have the designated person and then you have this whole group of people who are another dynamic. The idea that you have a couple of people for a certain person and how they interact with the separate house and the main house, that’s something because they’re also bringing in their own versions of the person that they know. That’s a whole other sociological study right there!

EG: I think you made a really good point. One thing that I think that this show does really nicely is that it plays up the dynamic friendships that the leads have with each other and of course with the arrivals as well. They’re going through this incredible process together and it’s something that no one else has ever been through before. The bonds are permanent and we don’t just revel in the rivalries on the show. Someone goes out on a date 2 days ago and their friends are hoping and wishing and praying that they come home happy and had a good time. Again, it’s all about building that universe. We talked about this on set. We called our location Lacuna. You never see it on camera – it’s just something that we talked about internally.

Lacuna is an unwritten piece of a story or a missing page in a book. We just kind of tried to build an environment where whatever story that person had been living, it was paused for a moment. They were encouraged to write a new story in this period of time and they go off into the world. Maybe it folds nicely into what you already have or maybe it doesn’t but it’s going to be interesting and it’s going to be messy. That’s what I love so much about the show too! Life is a fucking messy, disaster 90% of the time! Acting as if things are linear, perfect and meant to be – maybe they are, but there is also something about embracing chaos. I think dating is chaotic and I think that that is also what makes it fun. I’ve never gone on a first date and went, “it’s remarkably average and I can’t wait to do it again.”

AM: How did you go about finding the arrivals? There were those like the person from the confirmation, another who went to school together and then you had the one who just followed the lead on Instagram?

EG: Honestly, it was the most complicated process that I have ever been part of. Primarily, the way that our casting team did it was talking to family and friends of the individuals and trying to figure out people who they would be interested in. The leads also gave lists of people that they thought about, wondered about or were curious about. So there was some kind of dynamic combination of people that their mom or sister might have thought was perfect for them, a best friend or if they were close to their ex – someone that they thought that they knew. It could also come from someone from their very very long list or someone who was fascinated by them on their social media and felt more connected than maybe they actually were.

I think it also points out the way that we all create our own histories. We all tell our own stories or what part of our lives are important or not. I think that in a lot of the cases of the leads that they may have been more impactful on the lives of others than they realized. That’s really empowering for a lot of people where something that you said, or something that you did or a look you gave someone – even if it wasn’t meant in a romantic way, it stuck with them and made you important enough to go through a whole casting process, get on a plane, go to LA and then just walk through a portal to see someone. You had to have meant something to someone to fill them with a feeling and that’s a great place to start a relationship. Even if it doesn’t go somewhere because everyone can feel that a question that has haunted them, can be answered in a way that everything else is guessing. It’s fun to have a moment in life where you get to answer the many questions where I don’t know about you, but I’m haunted and plagued and live in a state of permanent regret! If I could go somewhere – can you imagine knowing what the sliding door version of your life is or lesser so the Butterfly Effect of Ashton Kutcher version? It’s a good movie, underrated – fun!

AM: Like you said, in watching this show, removing the dating/romantic aspect – you think about the coffee cart guy you see everyday on the corner and during the pandemic, you didn’t have it and you felt that there was a hole. The concept of relationships and interactions and what it means to you and the other person is an interesting dynamic.

What do you want people to walk away with in watching this. Should we all be digging into our past to find our relationships to figure our shit out?

EG: It’s such a good question! I’m not confident that the takeaway should be that we should go back into your past to find your future. I don’t think that’s the answer. I do think that the takeaway should be, that if you are actively looking for love, you should leave no stone unturned. I think that most people will not find their future from their past. A lot of people might. But if you’re curious about something and you have been looking for this long, maybe you don’t need a portal to do. Maybe you do and I’m glad that these people did, but these days you can pick up a phone. You can send an email and ask a question and it will probably lead nowhere because most things in life do. It might lead you somewhere really magical and you might find the one that got away and that would be pretty fucking cool.

@bettywho

@theyearofelan

PHOTOGRAPHY CREDIT | Prime Video