SAFETY AT HOME A GUIDE TO ONLINE BULLYING FOR PARENTS AND CARERS

Online bullying can have a devastating impact on young people, whose online life is a key part of their identity and how they interact socially.

Cyberbullying behaviour takes many forms, such as sending abusive messages, hurtful images or videos, nasty online gossip, excluding or humiliating others, or creating fake accounts in someone’s name to trick or humiliate them.

I Think My Child Is Being Bullied

Your child may not tell you if they are experiencing bullying behaviour online because of a fear it might make things worse for them or they may lose access to their devices and the internet.

I think my child is being bullied

Your child may not tell you if they are experiencing bullying behaviour online because of a fear it might make things worse for them or they may lose access to their devices and the internet.

Signs to watch for:

• being upset after using the internet or their mobile phone

• changes in personality, such as becoming more withdrawn, anxious, sad or angry

• appearing more lonely or distressed

• unexpected changes in friendship groups

• a decline in their school work

• changes in their sleep patterns

• avoidance of school or clubs

• a decline in their physical health

• becoming secretive about their online activities andmobile phone use.

What To Do If Your Child Is Being Cyberbullied

TRY TO RESIST IMMEDIATELY TAKING AWAY THEIR DEVICE

Removing your child’s phone or computer could be really unhelpful. Cutting off their online access does not teach them about online safety or help build resilience. It could alienate them from their peers, and it also removes an essential tool for them to communicate and connect with friends.

STAY CALM AND OPEN - DON’T PANIC

You want your child to feel confident that you’re not immediately going to get upset, angry or anxious if they tell you about the situation. You want them to know they can talk to you and feel heard.

The best way to do this is make sure you have an open dialogue from the beginning. Talk to them without being judgemental or angry, and make them feel like they can come to you with anything, without fear of being punished.

LISTEN, THINK, PAUSE

Gauge the scale of the problem. Does it exist in a peer group or is it more widespread? Is it a few remarks here and there? Or is it more serious? Empathise with your child and let them know that you understand how they feel.

How badly is it affecting your child personally? If the bullying itself is not very intense, but your child seems quite seriously affected, this could be a symptom of something larger. In this case you may need to seek help, from a school counsellor, a helpline, or an external professional.

Try not to respond immediately. Take some time to consider the best course of action. Reassure your child you are working on it and will come together again very soon to talk through some options. Let them know you are there if they feel like they need to talk in the meantime.

Act To Protect Your Child If Necessary

If your child is being threatened, or if they indicate a wish to harm themselves, you should get professional help.

Call Triple Zero (000) immediately, if their physical safety is at risk. Contact a counselling and support service like Kids Helpline.

Empower Your Child

Wherever possible, try to build your child’s confidence and help them make wise decisions for themselves, rather than telling them what to do.

If you feel they may be struggling to open up to you, connect them with other trusted adults or with professional support.

Collect Evidence

Before you or your child block someone or delete posts or other bullying material, take screenshots and collect evidence including dates and times.

The evidence may be useful if the bullying behaviour continues and you need a record of how long it has been going on. You may also need evidence if you want to report it.

However, if the bullying material involves sexualised images, be aware that possessing or sharing such images of people under 18 may be a crime, even if you have just taken a screenshot for evidence purposes. For information about relevant laws in Australia, visit Youth Law Australia. You can also read our advice about sharing intimate images in sending nudes and sexting.

Manage Contact With Others

Advise your child not to retaliate or respond to bullying messages, as sometimes people say hurtful things just to get a response and it could make things worse. If they have already responded, encourage them not to respond further.

Help your child to block or unfriend the person sending the messages to limit contact with them.

Help your child change their privacy settings to restrict who can see their posts and profile page. Advice on privacy settings is available in The eSafety Guide.

Encourage your child to ask their friends whether mean content is still being posted and if so, ask them to report it.

Report

Many social media services, games, apps and websites make it easy to report content posted by other people. Our The eSafety Guide has links to report abusive content and online safety information.

If serious cyberbullying is affecting your child and you need help to get the material removed from a social media service or other platform, we can help.

You can make a cyberbullying report to eSafety on your child’s behalf if they are under 18 years of age. It may be useful for you to read the frequently asked questions about making a report and information about how we handle cyberbullying reports

CONSIDER SEEKING SUPPORT FROM YOUR CHILD’S SCHOOL

Your child’s school may have a policy in place to address cyberbullying and may be able to provide support, whether or not the bullying is from a student at your child’s school.

With your child’s agreement, talk to their teacher or the school counsellor.

Encourage Positive Connections And Coping Strategies

Try to keep your child engaged with interests like sports or dance that connect them with other young people outside school, or with activities that involve extended family. These things will also remind your child that they are loved and lovable.

Help your child identify tools they can use to work through the current situation, as well as help build resilience for any future challenges. Check out good habits start young for some tips.

Stay Aware

Check in with your child from time-to-time about how they are feeling. Keep an eye on their eating and sleeping habits, their ability to concentrate and make decisions and their overall mood.

If you notice any changes that concern you, get help for your child through a counselling or online support service.

I Am Worried My Child Might Be Bullying Others

If your child is treating others badly, is dismissive of their feelings or targeting or intentionally excluding a particular child or group, they could be seen as someone who bullies. If they also socialise online there is a chance they may be bullying that person or group online too.

Finding out your child is bullying others can be very painful but you can help them to change, with your guidance and positive engagement.

Watch video about positively engaging with your child to change their behaviour

Here Are Some Strategies To Try

• Talk to your child, in a way they can relate to, about how it feels to be left out or teased. Use examples. Build empathy — what it might feel like to be the other person.

• Encourage your child to be honest about their behaviour, take responsibility for it and apologise to those they have bullied. Perhaps show them the page for kids How do I know if I’m being mean online? or for young people I’ve been called a bully.

• Talk about accepting differences and how to deal with people that annoy them. Give examples from your own life such as working with a difficult colleague.

• Explain there will be consequences for them if they treat others badly — for example, if they are rude they need to apologise and lose access to something they enjoy. Remember to also praise any change for the good so they start afresh.

• Identify activities that make your child feel good about themselves such as membership of a sports club or an art class, where they can be successful and have fun.

• Praise your child’s strengths and any behaviour changes they try to make.

• Practice treating others well at home and let them know when they are being kind.

• Spend one-on-one time with your child such as watching a movie, playing sport together or cooking with them.

• Talk to your child’s school about their academic achievement, learning style and abilities and whether they need additional support.

• Work with the school on ways to develop your child’s social skills.

Help And Resources

The Office of the Children’s eSafety Commissioner esafety.gov.au

Good Habits Start Young

Parents and carers play an important role in helping children to develop digital intelligence — the social, emotional and practical skills needed to successfully navigate the digital world.

Even for preschool children, it is never too early to instil good habits, and as your child gets older it is useful to keep reminding them of these basic digital intelligence principles: respect, empathy, critical thinking, responsible behaviour and resilience. These are also principles you can emphasise with your child when things go wrong.

How To Build Digital Intelligence

• Promote respectful communication

• Encourage empathy

• Teach them to question

• Encourage safe and responsible behaviour

• Help them build resilience

My Child Has Shared Inappropriate Images

If your child has shared an intimate image of someone else without their permission

• try to get the full story

• explain why it is a problem

• try to stop the image being further shared

• help your child to repair any harm

For more information, visit www.esafety.gov.au

Check out the following support services and resources to help you keep your family safe online. other online concerns. The Department of Education policies in each state provide information for students, teachers, parents and the broader community to help raise awareness and counter the inappropriate use of technology. For more information, contact your child’s school.

The Office’s website contains information and related links to support parents in keeping kids safe online. Resources include practical, action focussed advice, videos, games, support, and research-based information, and everything is free of charge.

School support

Many schools have detailed policies and procedures in place to help support children online, including how to manage issues like cyberbullying, sexting and eHeadspace eheadspace.org.au eHeadspace is a confidential, free and secure space where young people aged 12 to 25 or their family can chat, email or speak on the phone with a qualified youth mental health professional.

Parentline parentline.com.au or phone 1300 30 1300 Parentline provides a counselling, information and referral service for Parents that operates 7days a week between 8am-10pm.

Lifeline lifeline.org.au or phone 13 11 14

Lifeline provides free 24hour crisis counselling and information about support services.

Crime Stoppers crimestoppers.com.au or phone 1800 333 000 Crimestoppers or your local police can assist with concerns about children’s personal safety.

Learn more about building digital intelligence

Read the guide to sending nudes and sexting for parents and carers

Online counselling

If you suspect or know that a child is being negatively impacted by things happening to them online, consider seeking professional support for them.

Kids Helpline kidshelpline.com.au or phone 1800 55 1800

Kids Helpline service provides free, confidential online counselling for children and young people. Kids Helpline also provides young people experiencing problems online with free and private web chat counselling.

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