Lessons for 21st century man

Lessons for a 21st century man from an 18th and 19th century man by Nothando Cele

In the olden days, the father's role was clear and unchallenged as a leader and head of the house. The father was the provider and the protector of his home. Even the mother was the “child” in the house this is why everyone at home called the father “Baba”. Young boys and young men looked forward to starting their own families, looking at the respect their fathers commanded and their role and leadership as something to look forward to. But just before they could get to that part of their lives systems changed. That submissive woman disappeared, - unlike his father – he cannot punish his children with a rod or belt because now his children have rights.

I believe the 21st-century man is a confused man. The systems of this world have changed, unlike the olden days; women have rights and have become equals. While women are being empowered, cultivated and groomed to be independent, men have not been taught how to deal or coexist with such powerful women. Lack of structure and understanding leads to frustration, frustration leads to anger, anger leads to headlines of men resorting to abuse.

According to the 2013 Statistics SA report, 67% of children are raised by single or stepparents. This means seven out of ten children are either raised by mom only, dad only or step mom or step dad. Majority of these children are raised by single mothers, the fathers are absent.

The 21st century man started questioning his role as a man. Adamant that he is the leader but with no knowledge of how to instill his power he resorted to forcing his leadership by enforcing fear and with violence which landed him in jail or, he decided violence was not the answer so he decided to leave. Both these scenarios leave homes with no leaders and children with no father, no guide, no leadership trainer. Most 21st-century men are products of those scenarios. But what can the 21st-century man learn from the 18th and 19th-century men?

growing up our fathers taught us respect and especially the respect of our elders. As old as I am today I still respect even someone younger than me,” Respect is earned not demanded. It's the things you do that command respect on your behalf. More than respecting other, a man should respect himself. No self-respecting man would ever violate a defenseless woman or a child. A self-respecting man would say “I'm better than that”. A selfrespecting man would never share alcohol with children. No self-respecting man would sleep with a child young enough to be his daughter. No selfrespecting man would have supper without knowledge of his child keeping.

Taking Responsibility Majority of the 21st-century African men are absent fathers. They do not know what their children are eating, wearing, what age they are, are they even going to school, or – lord have mercy – don't even know their children's names, they never stuck around long enough. Back in the days, fathers were family orientated. Everything they did was for the betterment of their families. They understood the responsibility that came with name “father”, the responsibility of being a provider and protector.

Being Protectors Nowadays 3-month-olds are raped and killed by people old enough to be their father or even their own fathers. Some men are feeding off on others misery, that is why we have an outbreak of “Sugar Daddies”. Men back then played a huge role in raising the community, when other fathers were away for work those around automatically became second fathers, someone whom would lead, guide and protect a child. “I wish fathers of today could be man enough to take responsibility for their families so that we can raise better men for tomorrow. When we were young we were raised by the whole community but men today would actually drink with young ones instead of grooming them to become better men one day,” said elderly man Mr. Ndlovu.

Pride Today's man has become attached to material things. Young men will date older women just so they can get flashy gadgets to show off to their friends in the “hood”. In the olden days, a man had too much pride to be dependent on a woman. You cannot expect a woman who takes care of you because you are lazy to respect you.

Culture Today's society and media have reshaped our men, they are now influenced by the media and are doing things done in the west “America”. A 21st-century African man knows little about his culture and tradition whereas back in the olden day's men used to pride themselves with their culture and followed their tradition.

It is said you can't choose where you come from but you can choose where you go from there. “Life is about choices you make for yourself, we are the sum of our choices” these are true words by Richards Cooper. Unfortunately, our choices also affect others, so remember it's not always about you. But a responsible man would already know that.

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