UNCLE FLOYD’S TOTOWA TALES

Totowa’s Crooked Tree

It sits on a small, well-maintained plot of land at the corner of Union Boulevard and Jefferson Place, clearly in view of any pedestrian or motorist traveling on Totowa’s main thoroughfare.

A young tree, thin and forlorn in appearance, leaning on a forty-five degree angle in the free parking lot adjacent to our VFW Post and across the street from the Piggyville Municipal Building, also known as Pohlman’s Service Station, a town landmark auto repair garage—and according to Piggy, the “Mayor of the Lower Borough,” the place which offers motorists “the freshest gas and purest engine oil in New Jersey.”

A group of appalled and concerned citizens from the Stanley Street Association demands immediate action on the condition of this sad little tree—now! Stanley Street Association President Dyolf Oniviv spoke at Murph’s bar (Totowa’s country club), “If the town does not want this skinny little crooked tree, we will give it a home on Stanley Street!”

He continued, “Stanley Street is the Statue of Liberty in Totowa…” Suddenly the jukebox at Murph’s became so loud that it drowned out Oniviv’s passionate and stirring speech.

Who is to blame for this desperate condition? Surely not our DPW workers, for they represent the most talented lot of their kind in our county!

Fire Chief Shoppie said he would look into the matter and reminded us that he originated the calling of Stanley Street “The Panama Canal of Totowa.” He means that it connects Dewey Avenue to Grant Avenue. Such a comparison of connecting the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean by equating it to the connection of Dewey to Grant is without a doubt the most fantastic observation made by anyone in Totowa…ever.

It even tops the Mayor explaining to me that Union Boulevard is more beautiful than the storied boulevards of Paris! When the mayor was done explaining this to me, I actually believed him. I was sold on his powerful and dramatic oration on it all.

This tree was once an acorn. It deserves the best attention and care we can give it. It deserves better than what it is now getting!

Legendary entertainer and TV show host “Uncle Floyd” Vivino first moved to Totowa in 1980. Floyd still performs regularly; for more information, call (973) 633-8856.