Issue #8- April 2016

www.edinazephyrus.com

March 25, 2016| 36:7

TABLE OF CONTENTS

What’s inside?

EHS Zephyrus, Issue 8 News..............................................4 & 5 Read about the GOP, schedule changes, the speech and debate national tournament and more!

Features...............................................6 Read about senior regrets, Owen Stidman and Student Council that is taking EHS by storm In-depth..................................7 & 8 & 9 Curious about sleep? Turn to page 8!

Features............................................10 Learn more about EHS musicians, notorious Latin week and HTC...

Opinion.....................................11 & 12 Our writers go head to head on cultural appropriation versus appreciation! + more

Sports.........................................................15 Curious about fishing? Frisbee golf? Turn to page 15 for more

Culture.......................................13 & 14 Follow our Beyond the Bubble series, learn more about the Art Fair and anime!

Humor........................................................16 Read about police blotters, ridiculous scholarships and tips on how to get people to come to your grad party!

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

The Final Goodbye Lillie Westbrook print editor in chief

So how do we keep our college friends in our lives?

For starters, we must accept that the relationships will change dramatically. For them, their world is expanding, as are their The time has come. With AP tests, prom, and finals, social circles. They will be busy with classes and the full college comes the day all student work towards for thirteen years: experience, so there will not be the time to keep up the exact Commencement. And as our seniors commence on these new same relationship you had when you both were in high school. lives, whether it be college, traveling, the military, or something The vast expanse of social media in our lives is a godsend for else, they leave Edina. But what about those of us who are still times like these, allowing you to keep up with friends at times. here? The underclassmen who are watching our friends embark For some friends, keeping up will be easier than others. on exciting futures, while we are still just thinking about applying Those who are staying close in Minnesota can be easily visited to college? Must we lose our upperclassmen friends when they for a meal or just some time exploring their new town together. pack up the car and drive to that idyllic college town? How will Others who are moving far away, may need to rely on school we stay in touch while we live our busy lives? break in order to spend some real time together. Nonetheless, Throughout high school friends come and go, but this year texting and phone calls are still ways to keep up with senior especially, I am sad to say that I will see many friends leave. friends.

Don’t be mistaken, I am incredibly excited for all of the places The most important thing to keep in mind is that you can’t they are going and to see their dreams realized, but there is a leave it up to them to contact you. If you want them in your constant worry that by leaving for college, my friends are leaving life, you need to make the effort. Don’t wait for them to call, me as well. because they are experiencing a brand new world, and have busy schedules, and may not think to call. It doesn’t mean they don’t care, they would love to catch up. It’s up to you to keep up.

Finally, don’t feel guilty to be sad or jealous of where they’re going. It’s totally okay to be scared of losing someone you enjoy spending time with to other people. Also, seeing someone who is about to go to a great college and have a great time? It’s natural to feel a little jealous. Just channel that energy into applying to your own dream college. www.edinazephyrus.com So seniors, congratulations. Enjoy the summer as a time Twitter and Instagram: @edinazephyrus to enjoy childhood a little bit more. And when the time finally YouTube: edinazephyrus comes to move to college, make an effort to keep in touch with your friends still in high school. Respond to their messages, Facebook: Zephyrus encourage them to visit you. Don’t make promises to hang out if you really can’t, but try to make room for them. They can even do a “prospie night” and have it count as a visit! No matter what, these underclassmen were your friends in high school, so they Gage Aulik (Cover Art) count for something. Stay in touch.

Online

On The Cover Katie Manderfeld (Header)

Zephyrus Staff

Noah Chestler Editorial Board Anne Amen, online copy Tanner Jones Photographers Lillie Westbrook, print editor editor Max North John Osler Nate Saunders, head in chief Rebecca Edgington, human Farhia Osman photographer Outgoing Seniors Nate Saunders Isabel Thompson, online resources editor Zoe Cheung, photographer editor in chief Audrey Sheehy Josie Al-Najim, photographer Molly Sparrow, sports editor Christina Orth, public Page Editors Erik Lindquist Artist relations editor Jenna Simon Madeline Marker emeritus Gage Aulik Nikki Lund, art editor Ben Gustafson Megan Hussey Megan Talghader, head artist Advisor Hugh Cashman Anna Gratzer, features editor Colette Bruder, print copy Will Schwingwammer Sally Larkins editor Greta Morton Sophie Cannon emeritus Zephyrus is a monthly publication produced by students of Edina High School; 6754 Valley View Road; Edina, MN 55439; (952) 848-3800 x3087. Zephyrus is an open forum for student expression that recognizes the First Amendment guarentee of freedom of the press, and abides by Tinker standard. Opinions published in Zephyrus do not necessarily reflect the views of the entire staff, advisor, administration, or entire student body. Submissions and letters are printed based on space available. Anonymous letters may be printed only if a Zephyrus advisor or editor knows the author’s identity.

Letters should be mailed to the school or given to the advisor or a staff member. Zephyrus reserves the right to edit any letters for clarity and length.

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NEWS

Rumors of a New Schedule Isabel Thompson online editor in chief Things are changing at Edina High School.

One of these changes is a new daily class schedule that is being taken into consideration by a team of EHS teachers. Mr. Roddy, Ms. Mohs, Ms. Nimmo, and Ms. Slominsky have volunteered to work with Principal Doctor Locklear on the Core Planning Team to improve EHS to be the best it can be. While this schedule is not set in stone, it will be considered and reviewed by the school board in hopes of creating a positive environment for students and staff.

This proposed schedule is looking to be implemented for the 2017-18 school year when the high school’s construction will be completed. This schedule is being proposed as a way to effectively integrate the new freshmen and sophomores. The current proposal is for a seven period schedule three days of the week.

Two days would be four blocks each, each block would be 85 minute. There would never be more than two block days a week which means that if there was a shortened week, it would be all seven period days.

Having seven classes instead of six gives opportunities for high schoolers to take more classes, get personal help, to take optional classes, and get all of their credits completed.

“This schedule will allow students to gain the possibilities to take part in music, arts, Windigo, Zephyrus, or Student Council. Also, it allows students to avoid taking zero hour and photo by Nate Saunders The new schedule will c oincide with the completion of EHS construction

GOP Faces Potential Schism

others to take a study hall so they can get their work done in school,” says Roddy. Another perk to this schedule is that any student struggling in a class does not have to drop another class to get help. Their seventh period will become a time where they can receive individual help.

This schedule will also be introducing a new opportunity called the “flex block.” It would range ninety minutes once a week, filling the 8th block during the two block days.

As the schedule is not yet set in stone, the staff is still looking for new ideas on how to make this block the most beneficial to students.

Currently their ideas for now include a period similar to collab which would allow students to meet with teachers with the amount of structure varying. “A benefit of this flex block is that it would allow us to absorb the time for special events like pep fest or coronations,” says Roddy. This would benefit students and teachers as their schedules wouldn’t change and class periods wouldn’t be interrupted.

The block schedules give you 85 minute classes which allow for things that the 47 minute class periods do not. “It provides time for more longer labs in science classrooms, more in-depth project work, and more opportunities for teachers to touch base,” says Roddy. Some teachers prefer the longer class time, and others the shorter ones; the mixed up week would please the varying opinion.

Since students will only be having half of their schedule a day, they have the chance to slow things down. Students can have more time to complete homework and study for tests. The schedule also takes a load off of students who take part in sports and extracurriculars.

This schedule could benefit EHS and make it an even more exemplary school. While it is still in progress, meetings are held once a week to discuss the transition. “Each department at EHS has a representative that is advocating for their students in hopes that this schedule improves our education system for our students and staff,” says Roddy.

Tanner Jones opinion editor With candidates like Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders, and Ted Cruz, the 2016 Presidential Election has been decisively marked by unorthodoxy. A cycle predicted to focus on the debt crisis, terrorism, and the criminal justice system, has been driven toward issues such as college debt and immigration security by strong outsider voices. Facing this change, each party has produced a different response.

Where Clinton’s platform was able to shift to reflect Sanders’ “democratic socialism,” the GOP has been effectively split by Trump. Conflicting on abortion, immigration, and other key issues, the Republican establishment and so-called anti-establishment have been positively divided. The lack of unity within the GOP constituency has resulted in not one but two candidates in strong positions looking to November: Donald Trump and Ted Cruz.

And although Trump stands about 200 delegates ahead of Cruz, Cruz’s recent wins in Wisconsin and Utah—both by landslide margins—may have opened the doors to a contested convention.

To win the Republican presidential nomination, a candidate needs to receive 1,237 of the 2,472 delegates up for grabs in the primaries and caucuses across the nation. Then, once a candidate reaches the magic number, the party coalesces around him or her at the national convention in July. However if a candidate’s delegate count does not reach 1,237, delegates at the convention are given open voting status.

That means they have full autonomy to vote for whichever candidate they support, regardless of who their state voted for, regardless even if their candidate is running.

It’s this possibility that has brought Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, Ohio Governor John Kasich, and former Massachusetts

Governor and 2012 GOP Presidential nominee Mitt Romney into consideration as possible Trump alternatives.

The likelihood of another Romney ticket is slim. However, it remains possible that someone other than Trump, the current frontrunner, seizes the lead at the RNC convention in Cleveland. Amidst incessant controversy and an inconsistent platform, the Trump campaign has become the bane of establishment politicians. Hence, GOP delegates, the embodiment of establishment sentiment—largely constituted of active party members—are unlikely to stay with Trump if the convention is brokered.

Contested conventions have had a long history in the United States, and yet they are arguably undemocratic. The fact remains, if a candidate is nominated who was unable to amass a plurality in the primaries, the voting population is effectively being ignored.

Moreover, open conventions are widely unregulated. Cruz has taken advantage of this. Hoping for a chance to overcome Trump, he has been working across the nation to fill Trump’s delegate spots with his own supporters. Realizing that if it’s contested in Cleveland, Trump’s delegates will turn to his campaign. Additionally, bribery, among other dubious activities, isn’t specifically prohibited in the event of a brokered convention.

Although a contested convention may result in a candidate more favorable to GOP pundits, it may hurt Republicans presidential ambitions. The Pew Research Center, compiling data from all contested conventions and the subsequent general elections over the last 150 years, found that candidates nominated without first reaching the 1,237 delegate benchmark are significantly less likely to succeed in the general.

It’s hard to tell the probability of an open convention, and any number of upsets could occur between now and July.

Look Out, Salt Lake City!

Christina Orth public relations editor

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returning for nationals. Policy debate is a two-on-two category in which partners argue for or against a claim, often calling for a change of U.S. policy. The dream team reaps academic and social benefits as well. “I’ve made friends all over the country because we travel a lot for tournaments. It’s made me smarter in school, so social studies classes and LA essays are easier,” said Rawal.

Salt Lake City is ready for the Edina Speech and Debate Team. Fresh off the state tournament, the qualifiers set an example for those interested speech and debaters. Congratulate your peers and consider joining the team! photo courtesy of Twitter

The 2016 National Speech and Debate Tournament from June 12-17 is a big deal. The award-winning speech and debate team are “setting their sights high” on a travel down to Salt Lake City, Utah to compete. EHS seniors Arvind Veluvali, Matias Figari and Max Schleck qualified for the tournament, as well as EHS juniors Sukriti Rawal, Anne Lepow, Maggie Wells, and Meredith Song, sophomore alternate Tanner Jones, and freshman alternate Jonah Rosenthal.

5-year debate participant, two time debate state champion and Brown University bound senior, Veluvali will return to nationals for his second consecutive year. Veluvali debates in the LD category (named after the Lincoln-Douglas debates), a one-on-one debate emphasizing the importance of morals, logic and ethical values. Veluvali was a top 20 finalist at the 2015 national debate tournament, and he is projected to do well in June. “As far as learning how to write and speak, I think debate has been one of the most fundamental high school experiences,” said the debate team captain.

With 3 years of speech under his belt, Schleck is bound for the University of Wisconsin-Madison in the fall and the

national speech tournament in June. “Going to nationals is a huge deal. It means that you are the top 3 in your section. In Edina we’re probably the best section in Minnesota, possibly the nation. I qualified in the 2nd position, Matias Figari qualified in the 3rd position,” said Schleck. The other speech and debate qualifiers practice for approximately four hours a day leading up to the tournament. From downloading articles to creating memes, the team is proud of their qualifications.

“Nationals is the end goal, so you’ve achieved everything that you could. When you go there you just have to work hard and do the best you can,” said Schleck.

Figari knows how to prep a question in 30 minutes then give a 7 minute speech without notes like it’s no big deal. The 4-year speech veteran and accomplished musician, athlete, published writer, volunteer and EHS senior is ready to bring it all home. “[I’ve had] a lot of pleasure beating my competition so many times, more trophies to add to my trophy stand,” said Figari.

Self-confidence is key in speech and as one of the best in the state, the speech team captain is ready to fight all the way to finals.

Partners Sukriti Rawal and Anne Lepow are ready for nationals too. The policy debate partners finished as semifinalists at the annual State Championships and are

The Edina Speech Team

NEWS

Edina Teacher Takes Action on Student Violence Bill On November 9, 2009, Countryside Elementary School teacher Deborah York was attacked by a student. After biting a classmate, a first grader threw a chair at her, then tackled her with his 85 pound body.

York faced trouble with the Edina Public Schools administration following the incident. They put her on administrative leave after she sent an email to the parents of all students in the class revealing that she had been attacked, an action that violated the Data Practices Act, a provision meant to protect the privacy of students. York was also unable to directly contact the parents of the student who attacked her.

There was a massive outpouring of sympathy towards her, with community members marching in sub zero December weather holding signs that said, “Honk if you support Deb York,” and signing an online petition to get her back in class. Eventually York received $100,000 in exchange for dismissing claims against the district.

York’s situation was just an extreme example of a larger trend. According to 2011 study of 3,000 K-12 teachers, 80% reported feeling victimized or threatened during their job in some way. Many of these teachers reported being humiliated, intimidated, cyber bullied and, in York’s case, attacked.

But while York’s story may not be an anomaly, her response certainly is out of the ordinary. She is now a citizen lobbyist, working to support bills like House File 3670, which would alert teachers if they have a student with a history of violence in their class, allow them to remove said students from their class, and provide legal and medical support for victimized teachers.

“Teachers are professionals. They have the judgment and the wisdom to know when a situation just is not safe for

Is it Safe?

Julie Yuan features editor

photo courtesy of The Star Tribune

John Osler outgoing senior

Traveling to Europe:

Former Edina Teacher Deborah York themselves and others, and those actions need to be respected,” said Representative Jenifer Loon, who came out in support of the file after she was approached by York, in a CBS Minnesota interview.

When asked whether they would support House File 3679, Edina High School students were split.

“Yes, because [having violent students in a classroom] endangers everyone, including them,” said senior Matthew Hobbes.

“I think it would be a nice thing for the teachers to know,” said senior Nico Meersman.

Some students, however, thought that in some cases a student’s right to privacy was more important than a teacher’s right to safety.

“I feel like it should depend on the student… frankly, I think it’s none of [the teacher’s] business if it’s not an ongoing problem,” said junior Fatiha Hassan.

“I just feel like that’s their personal business, and that if a teacher knew that they might treat them differently, and that’s not fair,” said junior Tre Meyer.

Edina Robotics Leaders Prove to be Exemplary Colette Bruder print copy editor Two Edina High School Robotics Team members are heading to Worlds! Juniors Allison Schwaboda and Brandon Schenck were recently awarded the FIRST Robotics Competition Dean’s List Award. “It’s an award that recognizes leaders on robotics teams, so individual members that contribute a lot,” said Schwaboda. Schenck echoed this sentiment saying, “The dean’s list finalist award is an award given to kids who show exemplary leadership skills on the Robotics Team.”

Students have to be nominated to even be considered for this prestigious award. “I was recommended for this award by mentors who wrote an essay based off the work I do for the [Robotics team] and what I do for the sub team and need to qualify,” said Schwaboda. Schenck described the extensive process saying, “They submit the letter to the competition and then at the competition the judges will

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art by Olivia Chen

photo by Zoe Cheung

Robotics Team Leader Allison Schwaboda

interview you. Based off the interview, essay and your GPA you will be nominated as a finalist.”

This will be Schenck’s fourth year and Schwaboda’s seventh year involved with Edina’s robotics team. Mentors recognized these student leaders for their dedication and commitment to EHS robotics. “I would go to homeless shelters and I led a LEGO camp there to teach the kids about STEM education and the opportunities it holds for them,” said Schenck. Schwaboda stressed the importance of participation at Robotics competitions. “I had to be there a lot and contributing ideas and making sure everybody stays on task and knows where they’re going.” Along with doing summer outreach at homeless centers and elementary schools Schneck has been mentoring students through organizations such as First Tech Challenge and FIRST LEGO Leagues which help students build robots out of LEGO. Being nominated for the Dean’s list award came with many challenges. “Some of the challenges preparing for the interview was not knowing the questions or personality of the judge,” said Schenck. Schwaboda also stressed the demanding nature of robotics competitions. “Some of the challenges were making sure you that you get everything done in the time limit it is a big deal because at a certain point you can’t touch your robot anymore.”

Both of these EHS robotics team members hard work paid off and Schwaboda and Schenck will be headed to St. Louis for Worlds in late April. “Seeing the results at competitions is very rewarding after spending months on something and seeing it be effective,” said Schwaboda. “This is a great honor and I am very gracious for receiving this award and I thank my team for supporting me all the way,” concluded Schenck.

Millions of tourists flock to Europe each year to marvel at its famous landmarks, historic sites, and cultural icons. But in light of the recent terror attacks, many Americans are uneasy about their future vacation and travel plans to a continent badly shaken by terrorism and its aftereffects.

After the bombings in Brussels, in which four suicide bombers, allegedly sponsored by the terrorist group ISIL, killed over thirty civilians in an airport and subway station, travelers have ample reason to be wary. The US Department of State recently released a general European travel alert that warns of “near-term attacks [by terrorist groups], targeting sporting events, tourist sites, restaurants, and transportation.” While this information is not meant to deter tourists from visiting, it does urge them to remain vigilant and exercise caution while on their travels abroad. Other countries, including the U.K. and Australia, have acknowledged that terrorism is a “serious and credible threat.”

Despite the warnings, the majority of Edina High School students remain optimistic about their summer plans. “I wouldn’t say that I’m personally concerned [about terrorism]. We’ve definitely thought about how it may affect us but because the authorities there are more aware of it, we think that it’s still relatively safe and it’s not really particularly more dangerous than it would be here in America,” said Will Battel, an EHS senior who will be embarking on a trip across seven European countries with a group of friends this summer.

One of these friends, however, is less assured. “I’m trying not to think about it too much. … I would hope that another terrorist attack is unlikely, and I think that, after two, it might make the world and everyone a little more aware so things might start to change on our end to prevent another one,” said senior Lydia Knoll, who will be traveling with Battel this summer.

Indeed, things may already be changing on our end, or at least, on the ends of the European states most heavily targeted by terrorism. Over the past few months, significant budget cuts to government security and survelliance systems have provided opportunities for terrorists to disseminate their radical ideas in some of Europe’s most populous cities. But now, with the deadly warnings of Paris and Brussels in mind, several European states have begun programs to tighten border security and fight against the spread of radicalization.

Measures currently considered in the European Parliament include modifying the Schengen Agreement, which established open borders and visa-free travel across 26 European nations, and implementing an Entry-Exit program to collect biometric data from all visitors of non-EU nationality. Internally, a few European nations, most notably Denmark and the U.K., have begun small-scale deradicalization programs, with the aims of education and reintegration through strong support networks and community intervention. All of these options remain highly controversial, especially considering their implications with respect to privacy and civil rights.

And of course, with all of these increased security measures, travel to certain parts of Europe may become more difficult for tourists. The continued existence of terror cells and radical groups will inevitably threaten the continent again. But it is also important to realize that traveling inherently involves risks and the continent of Europe, as a whole, is taking measures to move beyond the events of the last few months and ensure the safety and security of tourists.

Europe: a favorite travel destination

FEATURES

Student Council: Working Hard for EHS Edina High School students are spoiled with dances, pep fests, fundraisers, and other school sponsored events.

Who is behind it all? Twenty five students and two advisors: Kimberly Caster and Colleen Raasch. There are eight sophomores, eight juniors, and nine seniors on student council. Members are elected each year, and students create witty campaign posters to vie for one of the coveted spots.

Student Council meets every day as a class during sixth hour, and they have an executive board to help lead the class.

“My role as president is to run class everyday and run the formal meetings as well as overseeing groups, the email and the Twitter,” said Mike O’Neil, current president and senior.

The executive board is made up of seniors, the other positions include vice president, treasurer, and secretary.

The members stress the intimacy of the class as one of their favorite things about Student Council. “The people are my favorite thing about Stud Co. They are all very nice and come from a wide variety of friend groups and it is a nice, fun way to end the school day,” said O’Neil.

Sophomore representative Sara Park echoed O’Neil while adding that “I like knowing that I am making an impact to the school.”

O’Neil did have one complaint. “The advisors are harsh graders on our research projects. It was brutal.”

Some may think that student council is a walk in the park, simply organizing a few events a year with lots of time to hang out in class. This is not the case. “I wish more people know how much we actually do and that we take it very seriously. We do a lot of behind the scenes activities that many people do not realize or think about,” said Park.

“We do a lot of work to raise money for different fundraisers, students, and groups. Administration comes to us all the time for money, support, or ideas,” added O’Neil.

Student Council gets up early on the Saturday mornings before dances and stays late after school to ensure that everything is in place and ready to go. They take on a large workload every year including “dance related activities, fundraisers, blood drives, community service projects, school improvement projects, senior celebrations, and teacher appreciations,” said O’Neil.

Their official mission statement is to “create a positive, educational, safe, and enjoyable atmosphere at EHS by planning activities, events, and projects that directly benefit and serve the needs of our students, staff and community.”

Or as Park put it “Student Council is responsible for making our student body happy. We want our school to be enjoyed by students like planning the dances, handing out hot chocolate during finals week, setting up the pep fests, etc.”

Next time you see a fellow Student Council member in the hallway, give them a high five and thank them for all the hard work they have put into EHS.

Seniors’ High School Regrets Anna Gratzer outgoing features editor

In just three years at Edina High School, it’s impossible to take every course, participate in every activity, and befriend every student. Many seniors are quoted on their high school regrets below.

Although, we expected humorous responses, we were surprised by serious tone of many answers. Are you a senior with a huge regret? Email your regret and name to edinazephyrus273@gmail.com and it will be posted on the online newspaper.

I shouldn’t have tried so hard.

Alex Meffert

Not taking as many AP classes as I had wanted to.

Lila Jones

I wish I had gotten to see the activities fair sophomore year and explored more extracurriculars.

Ashley Law

I didn’t just be free my senior year. I didn’t try new things, I didn’t make it my year to remember.

Liz Nye

I regret not dressing according to the weather inside of my classrooms.

Breanna Corder

Not being focused enough and not dedicating more time to studying and school.

Mario del Rio

I would say my biggest regret is not having a healthier balance between school and social life/friends.

Chiara Kohlmayr

Not getting out of dodge faster, now I can laugh at everyone while I don’t ake finals.

Shawn Rodbourne (PSEO student)

I regret not senior sliding.

Cindy Urzua

Not playing sports.

Not meeting the friends I have now earlier.

My regret is not trying out for hip hop dance team.

Elizabeth Anderson

My regret is not doing speech or debate.

Not trying very hard academically sophomore year.

Paige Briggs

Not asking the guy I like to Sadies or Sweethearts.

Valerie Garzon

I regret not putting in enough effort in school.

Playing trivia crack ‘til 2AM the night before my ACT. Yochana Kancherla

I regret not running for student council.

Josie Wilde

Edina High School Junior Owen Stidman is the assistant captain of the EHS Robotics team and recently received the Connecting With Kids Leadership Award. Zephyrus recently sat down with Stidman to discuss this achievement.

Zephyrus: What are some service activities you performed to receive this award?

O.S.: I am one of the assistant captains of the Edina Robotics Team and part of my role in that is organizing most of the outreach events that we do. So during the fall, I went down to Creek Valley every week and I mentored a rookie LEGO League Team which is the robotics program for elementary school students. My basic goal was to get them going as a team and hopefully they continue to keep going as a team next year.

Zephyrus: What are some of the things you did with LEGO Robotics?

O.S.: I mentored a rookie team and because they were rookies the coaches didn’t know a ton about the program and since I was on LEGO Robotics when I was in elementary school, a lot of what I did was help direct the coaches on how the program works. At Creek Valley I was also in charge of coordinating everything going on there now because there are a lot of teams.

Zephyrus: What first sparked your interest in robotics?

O.S.: I started in LEGO Robotics because I really liked LEGOs and I just wanted an excuse to play with them. Then, I moved on to the middle school program and started working with smaller metal robots and now I’m on the high school team with robots as big as six feet tall.

Zephyrus: Tell us a bit about your service activity at homeless shelters over the summer.

O.S.: I volunteered at two different homeless shelters in minneapolis. One was called People Serving People and the other was called Simpson Housing. At Simpson Housing it was basically just a summer camp where we went there for four days in July and we brought some LEGO Robotics kits and we showed them how all of the basic stuff would fit together and how it worked and then on the last day there we brought our high school robot and did a demonstration with that. At People Serving People we did one event in the summer where we just went there for a day with our big robot and then we also brought some form of STEM related activities such as building boats out of tin foil and seeing how many pennies you could fit in there.

There are currently 23 rookie teams at Creek Valley Elementary school that Stidman runs and organizes.

He plans on continuing to give back to the community through his talent for robotics.

Michael Crawford

Not reaching out and making friends with more people.

Cole Mauer

Joey Reese

Max North sports editor

All of it.

Nick Clarin Sam Thomas

Ivy Milagros Blanchett

I know this is really cliche but I actually don’t really have any senior regrets. I’m a pretty strong believer that everything happens for a reason. But if I had to say something I would say that I regret ever wearing moccasins with athletic socks.

Zoe Lama Lilak

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Owen Stidman enjoys a rare moment of relaxation

courtesy of edinaschools.org

Madeline Marker outgoing senior

LEGO Leader

IN-DEPTH

Sleep Studies

Audrey Sheehy outgoing print editor in chief Erik Lindquist outgoing online editor in chief Isabel Thompson online editor in chief Will Schwinghammer humor editor Jenna Simon news editor Heidi Mathers guest writer Will Kieffer guest writer

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FEATURES

Vocational Learning At Hennepin Tech

Latin Week: How the Romans Conquer

Jenna Simon news editor Edina High School students are fortunate to have exposure to different learning environments to help them figure out how they learn best. One of these environments exists through classes at the Hennepin Technical College.

At HTC, students have the opportunity to take classes and receive training outside of EHS in fields about which they are passionate. HTC offers several different types of classes, including law enforcement, nursing assistance, culinary classes, and several others.

Many EHS students have taken the opportunity to learn about specific topics and receive training in job fields through the classes that HTC offers. One such student, senior Valerie Garzon, is in her second year of taking HTC classes, having taken law enforcement her junior year, and nursing assistance this year. “I decided to [take HTC classes] because I wanted to get out of the high school...I was interested in law enforcement and nursing assistance, [so] I wanted to know more about it before actually planning on majoring in it,” said Garzon.

After starting her classes at HTC, Garzon found she loved the atmosphere the college classrooms offered her compared to a purely high school classroom setting. “[HTC] gives you a different perspective on if you want to study [the topic] in college,” said Garzon. “You can see if you actually like [the topic], and I feel like I learned a lot from the classes.” In addition to the different learning atmosphere, the specific nature of the classes well equip students to pursue their interests. After taking the nursing assistant course, Garzon is prepared to, and eventually plans to become, certified to work as a nurse’s assistant.

EHS senior Cindy Urzua also pursued nursing assistant training through HTC. Urzua decided to take the class due to her interest in nursing and her hope to work in pediatrics in the future. The classes at HTC gave her more in-depth information on nursing and how to become certified. In addition, it gave her a taste of the college experience. “I’ve definitely learned a little more about the college life and how classes in college can be tough…but the experience of taking the class at HTC made the choice clear for me that

Greta Morton culture editor

photo by Zoe Cheung

Have you ever wondered what it was like for the Romans when conquering the land of their enemies? Well, wonder no more! Here at Edina, the Latin classes take part in “Latin Week,” a week which celebrates the birth of Rome and gives Latin classes the opportunity to “conquer” other language classes. Zephyrus sat down with the Latin teacher Mrs. Drew to get more details.

Zephyrus: What is Latin Week?

Emese Drew: Latin Week is the celebration of Rome’s birthday. Rome was born in 753 BC on April 23rd, so that’s the logical foundation of Rome. And every year around that time we celebrate.

Z: What gave you the idea to do Latin Week?

E.D.: It is actually a tradition that the previous teachers have done here at the high school. It’s a great way to just enhance the culture around us of what the Romans have done, which is conquering.

Z: How do you involve your classes in the activities?

E.D.: The classes are told that they are under a Roman general, they are electing that Roman general and they need to expand their territory. So, they are going to get into other language classes and occupy them by proposing a challenge to those students and it’s like a battle. They say, “Veni vidi vici, I came, I saw, I conquered,” just like [Julius] Caesar. And then they propose a challenge. ... If the Romans win, that means that the Romans conquered a new province, a new territory.

They [become] our province so we can make Hispania, Gaulia, just like the Romans did [originally].

Z: Why have you continued to do Latin Week?

E.D.: The students enjoy it and it’s just something to look forward too. Students just have a blast and learn a lot of what the Romans did in reality.

Z: What is one thing you would like to tell a student who doesn’t take a language?

E.D.: They are missing out! [Language classes] are the best way to learn the differences that exist in society and pay attention to how those people live and how we don’t.

All the differences in between the cultures are really, really eye opening. Foreign language studies immerse students in a new culture. Students learn tolerance and appreciation of differences through experiencing other cultures. It is fun and eye-opening to walk in other people’s shoes!

that’s what I want to do as my career,” said Urzua.

With its enriched, specific class topics, HTC is a great option for any student looking for a fresh learning environment outside of high school. Through HTC, students can meet peers from all over the Twin Cities with similar interests to their own. “I’ve enjoyed meeting new people from different high schools like Hopkins and Richfield, [and] I still keep in contact with everyone in my class,” said Urzua. In addition to the bonds formed with fellow classmates, HTC students are also able to form unique relationships with their college professors.

“I know a friend of mine, her teacher wrote her a letter of recommendation,” said Garzon. “You can go back and see the teachers again, and just talk to them and see how it’s going.” Between the welcoming community and the strong, hands on curriculums, HTC is a great option for high school students who are looking to learn more about what they may want to study one day in college. “I would recommend [HTC] because it’s an opportunity that could help you decide on a career after college...It’s definitely a new experience that I encourage students to take if you see a class you like or are interested in,” said Urzua.

A Musician in the Making produce music. “An artist I found inspiration from is the one and only Chief Keef, his lyrical and his trapping beats inspired from day one.” Felton plans to continue making music and sharing it with his followers. “I hope my music career will take flight soon and I will become a famous rapper/singer/songwriter,” said Felton. He is one of many students at EHS who choose to independently pursue music and many have found much success.

It’s no secret that Edina High School is bustling with musicians, and our music departments produce hundreds of talented students every year. But some students shy away from music taught in a classroom setting and prefer their own methods. These students teach themselves, perfect their craft on their own time, and find success individually. One of these many students is Josh Felton, a sophomore at EHS. While many students start their music careers through the school as fifth graders, Felton brought his music public only a year ago. “I started dropping hot bars back in ninth grade. I would have to say that it is the best thing I have ever started,” Felton said. But Felton did have an obvious passion for music as a kid too. “I always enjoyed music when I was a kid, in fact the first defining moment in my ever rising music career was probably when I was four and I threw a tantrum in Target to get a toy guitar,” Felton said.

Felton runs his own Soundcloud page called “super chef felton.” “I write my original (icy) raps,” Felton said. The account has over 100 followers and features close to 100 tracks and mixtapes all written, sung and rapped by Felton.

Some include “Friday,” “All I Do is Eat,” and “Lil Sensitive Song to Melt Your Heart.” “My favorite song I have written is probably “Cookin Up Beats Like I’m a Contestant on Chopped,” said Felton.

Felton works hard to pursue and develop his craft. He takes inspiration from other artists around him to create and

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photo by Zoe Cheung

Rebecca Edgington human resources editor

photo by Zoe Cheung

Ms. Drew embraces the Ancient Roman way

Urzua has taken Nurse’s Assistant courses at HTC

Felton drops sick beats on the daily

OPINION

combatting appropriation The dictionary definition of cultural appropriation is the adoption of elements from a culture differing from one’s own. People think it is very confusing, but to put it simply, appropriation is stealing. A dominant group of people will take advantage of another group by taking certain elements of their culture without permission nor true knowledge of what it means.

When people say dreadlocks and braids are not cultural appropriation, they are wrong. For years, black people have been called terms such as “ghetto” and “ratchet” for sporting such styles. Black men with dreads are seen as deadbeats and women with weaves are looked down upon. These are hairstyles very much a part of black culture and natural hair.

Sadly, they have caused black people to be turned away from jobs, to be watched as they walk into a convenience store, and to be ridiculed by those more privileged. Even as a celebrity, Zendaya faced a tremendous amount of criticism for being “unprofessional” when she wore dreadlocks at the Oscars. However, when non-black people try to adopt these hairstyles, they do not face the same treatment. This is why it’s not “just a hairstyle” when a white person gets dreadlocks.

They may not know it, but their privilege is protecting them from experiencing the same harassment, which is why this is cultural appropriation.

When people think of cultural appropriation, the adoption of black culture is what usually comes to mind. But in reality, many different cultures experience appropriation as well and they cannot be ignored. Another example is the traditional Native American tribal clothing and headdresses.

Native American Indians primarily wear these clothes during religious ceremonies, community gatherings, and other special events. Each and every article of clothing has meaning in their culture, and different tribes have different

art by Meredith Song

Farhia Osman outgoing art editor

apparel. However, I have seen too many Halloween costumes advertising “authentic” Native Powwow dress or stores selling so-called fashionable Indian headdresses. This is extremely disrespectful on so many counts. First, America as a country has marginalized Native Americans for countless years. They already are not appreciated by society, but by taking their clothes and making them into costumes, a rich culture is being devalued into just a bunch of beads and feathers. Second, to reiterate, there are many tribes in the US, too many to name, and each has a different culture. However, such people who wear these said costumes are putting all the tribes into one

box instead of appreciating them all. Finally, their clothing has meaning. Each bead, each feather, each fabric, was hand picked for a reason, and when companies mass produce imitations, they reduce these ceremonial garbs into just a pile of stitches. And there are many other examples of the blatant disregard of different, less privileged cultures that I can name such as the wearing of bindis borrowed from Indian culture.

Anyone from any culture or race can commit cultural appropriation, however, it is usually white people getting called out for it. One reason is simply because of white privilege. White people have the upper hand over minority groups in all aspects of society. They may feel like it is alright for them to “borrow” these elements of a less-privileged group of people, but it is never okay because they are not giving credit where credit is due. Another reason may simply be that white people don’t really have a distinct culture.

It’s sad, but true. Minority groups have faced oppression for years against those above them. Due to this, those alike stuck together against the discrimination and alienation they have felt, causing the creation of a solidified culture. White people, on the other hand, have always been on the top of the social ladder and haven’t faced oppression to the extent that other groups have felt. White people were not able to form a cohesive culture, which is why I think they are guilty for many instances of appropriation.

This is highly prevalent in the music industry and there is a movie that portrays this exact situation called “The Five Heartbeats,” which is about black musicians having their music stolen and repackaged as the product of white artists.

The dominant groups that “borrow” these elements are seen as innovative and are praised, but minority groups are disadvantaged and ignored.

White or not, cultural appropriation is dangerous and needs to be taken seriously. By “borrowing” elements of a culture, you are essentially robbing minorities the credit they deserve, and the dominant group is given praise instead.

Appropriation or Appreciation?

Struggling to honor different cultures in an increasingly diverse society Hugh Cashman outgoing news editor While cultural appropriation isn’t a newfangled idea, it certainly hasn’t been as prevalent an issue in the past. Whether it’s because we live in a more informed society, or because of an abundance of over-sensitivity, racial tensions seem to be at a high and the difference between cultural appropriation and appreciation needs to be specified.

Cultural appropriation has been happening since the dawn of time, but it’s only recently become heavily discussed.

It seems to me that Amandla Stenberg’s YouTube video “Don’t Cash Crop On My Cornrows” is what sparked the controversy. It mainly focuses on cultural appropriation in the context of hair styles. She claims “Appropriation occurs when a style leads to racist generalizations or stereotypes where it originated, but is deemed as high fashion, cool, or funny when the privileged take it for themselves,” versus the dictionary’s definition “the adoption or use of elements of a culture by members of a different culture.” Based on this definition, cultural appropriation isn’t inherently evil. When I saw the video, it was the first I, and many others, had heard of cultural appropriation. Since then, it’s been inescapable. I’ve yet to have a conversation about cultural appropriation with anyone of any race that wasn’t centered around corn rows.

That is what leads me to feel that many of the people who claim to be so “woke” are really just hopping on an argument bandwagon. No Asian American has ever tried to call me out for cultural appropriation because I like anime, even though anime is arguably more integral to Japanese culture than corn rows are to African culture. Cultural appropriation is real, but there’s no blanket rule over what is and what isn’t cultural appropriation. Because most people haven’t researched the

topic beyond Amandla Stenberg’s video, they mistake the media for real life. The main example from the video and for all of these people is that Zendaya was accosted for wearing dreads to the Oscars, while white celebrities like Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus are praised for sporting the hair style. The media created that narrative, and racism sells. In reality, white people with dreads and cornrows face even more judgement for wearing unnatural hairstyles. The media highlights racial issues not to expose the racist narrative that presides in America but to increase tensions between white and black people to keep the U.S. segregated and make money.

The argument is that white people are “taking” dreads and cornrows from African culture to be stylish, but it’s naive to think that the majority of African Americans are only getting braids and dreds for cultural significance. Most people get them because they’re stylish.

The main argument surrounding dreds is that white employers deem it as unprofessional. While that is true and should be fought, where the cultural appropriation accusers are wrong is that they think white people can get hired with the same hairstyles. That’s utterly false. With that being said, based on Stenberg’s definition of cultural appropriation (stealing elements of a culture without facing the stigma associated with it) are white people with dreads still appropriating? If African Americans who sport dreads and cornrows can’t get a job, then their white counterparts are knowing and accepting the same fate.

Cultural appropriation is adopting elements of a minority culture with malicious intent. “Thug Thursday,” an old tradition at Southview in which freshman boys dress up as gangsters is definitely cultural appropriation. Getting cornrows because you think it looks good is getting a hair style. The two situations are different. Being non-Muslim and

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going to Mosques during prayer to take Instagram pictures for likes is cultural appropriation. Reading and adopting values from the Quran is not. White people watching anime isn’t cultural appropriation and neither are African Americans who play hockey. That may seem like a racist statement but it’s the same logic that causes people to scream cultural appropriation at the first sight of a white person doing anything “not white.”

It’s a slippery slope if you start telling people what to do based on their skin color. Your ethnic heritage should only be as much of your identity as you want it to be. People need to fighting over the little things and attack the system in place that allows racism to exist, mainly the logic that you can tell people what to do because of how you perceive their upbringing based on their skin color. Arguing over arbitrary things such as hairstyles desensitizes people to the bigger picture that is racism and prevents cooperation and love between people of different races. White privilege is real and cultural appropriation is a reflection of our racist society, but to make a blanket rule against “white people doing black things” or “black people doing white things” is dangerous.

What’s next, white people not being allowed to listen to rap music or black people being banned from traditionally white country clubs? Never before has America had the opportunity for such an integrated society, especially with the use of social media. People from different cultures adopting elements from other cultures is a result from increased exposure to people from different backgrounds. It’s not cultural appropriation, it’s acculturation, the effects of two cultures meeting. As long as there is no intent to harm, isn’t that a good thing? America’s culture is one of a melting pot, why not let the different and special components of our society mix? The more you try and separate people into groups based off of what they can and can’t do, you’re perpetuating our racist society.

understanding appropriation

OPINION

Media in Politics, a Necessary Evil

Law Enforcement: The Search for Reform Tanner Jones opinion editor

Ben Gustafson in-depth editor

Today, more than ever before, American police are viewed unfavorably. Following a string of brutal, and often racially motivated, murders across the country, police have drawn harsh criticism.

Various investigations made it clear that law enforcement agencies were both largely unrestrained and lacking accountability. And as a result of numerous claims of hostility, and the subsequent responses provoked, it’s become clear that the American criminal enforcement system is in desperate need of reform.

Perhaps the most concerning aspect of America’s police departments is their seemingly unrestrained tendency towards militarization. Capitalizing on our partial withdrawal from the Middle East, dozens of law enforcement agencies have been equipped with military-grade weaponry from our wide surplus. For Doraville, Georgia, a town of only 8,000 people, long toted as one of the safest communities in the nation, this meant purchasing a number of tanks. Although militarization may seem effective at combatting an age of domestic terrorism, it’s indisputable to say that no community in rural Georgia is in need of armored vehicles. Furthermore, militarization has a direct correlation with racially driven police-civilian hostilities. Armed with increasingly powerful weapons, trigger-happy police find themselves acting less proactively and more reactively.

There is a potent psychological consequence to all this. Police militarization not only normalizes destructive force, but fosters a culture of violence. This culture of violence is something that President Obama has vocally opposed, and is a phenomenon that has grown exponentially in recent years.

Beyond military weaponry exists the simple reality that many police departments lack accountability. A number of officers, explicitly identified in media as using unnecessary force, have left incidents free of consequence. Too often this comes as a result of insufficient disciplinary measures. Last month the Atlantic explained that most police-hostility cases are handled by police officers themselves. In many cases, with officers reviewing their own co-workers. The room for corruption here is absurd.

One clear way to implement change is through accountability-boosting procedures. The Black Lives Matter Movement has long promoted mandatory police body cameras as a way to institute change. Body cameras continue to be the most effective method to reduce race-involved police cases.

Another area where police can improve is interacting with civilians, specifically those suffering from mental illness. A recent study conducted by the New York Times found that only about 16% of law enforcement agencies have training programs designed to educate officers about suspects with potential mental health issues. This doesn’t bode well for Americans: about 3.3% of all American adults suffer from some form of mental illness and this population contributes to 400,000 annual incarcerations. Moreover, generally failing to understand unusual behaviors, police frequently employ lethal force on mentally ill suspects.

In recent years police have become the face of controversy and disapproval, and yet remain an ever-important hallmark of American civil society. Nowhere else is reform more necessary. art by Sophie Cannon

In the midst of the current election cycle, it is difficult to go through your day without hearing about the presidential candidates’ most recent gaffs and antics. Because we live in a democratic society, one might think this constant media coverage of politics would serve to inform the electorate; however, the media usually covers certain candidates disproportionately. For example, according to Nicholas Confessore and Karen Yourish of the New York Times, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has earned an estimated 746 million dollars worth of “free media coverage” compared to Donald Trump’s estimated 1.9 billion dollars. Therefore, when one’s favorite political candidate is trailing in the polls, it’s easy to blame the media. “I think if we had a media in this country that was really prepared to look at what the Republicans actually stood for rather than quoting every absurd remark of Donald Trump. . . I think, to be honest with you—and I just don’t, you know, say this rhetorically, the Republican Party is a fringe party,” said Democratic Senator Bernie Sanders. Quite frankly, in contrast with Senator Sander’s opinion, I believe that however the press covers politics, there will always be consequences.

First of all, negative coverage of candidates can backfire on journalists. For example, in the case of Trump, very few reporters have sought to highlight the good things he has done; they instead provide commentary on his most controversial traits in hopes of exposing his weaknesses. But despite the press’ motives behind negative coverage, a feedback loop has occurred, meaning attention has bred attention. According to Jonathan Stray, a Nieman Lab reporter who has done an extensive research on the media’s relationship with political campaigns, “There’s an uncanny agreement between the media attention and each candidate’s standing in national primary polls. It’s a textbook correlation, completely ignoring what journalists are actually saying, including whether the coverage was positive or negative.”

Another consequence of the media’s constant search for controversy is the rising polarization in American politics. According to a new Pew Research Center study, those at both ends of the political spectrum, who together comprise about 20% of the public overall, have a greater impact on the political process than those with more mixed ideological views. They are the most likely to vote, donate to campaigns and participate directly in politics. Thus, to attract the attention of the media and eventually the support of this select few, political candidates are encouraged to make outrageous remarks. But what is the alternative? Should journalists encourage more competitive elections by covering all candidates equally? The Federal Communications Commission still enforces the equal time rule which says that if a radio or TV network gives one candidate airtime, they have to give the same amount to other candidates. However the rule doesn’t apply to news programs which, in my opinion, is for the best. It would be useless to restrict media coverage in any way because, for one, it would fall into the realm of censorship, and two, the coverage of outrageous remarks would still generate more buzz or looped feedback than the other articles, meaning the equal coverage would not really be equal. It’s the candidates’ platforms that everyone is interested in, which is precisely how the media got to this point in the first place. To rid American politics of rampant polarization and widely unequal media coverage, the only solution that would work would be to eliminate the media all together which obviously, is out of the question.

H o w P r a c t i c a l i s E H S ’s C u r r i c u l u m ?

Attention Seniors of 2016: There are fewer than two months left of high school. Go ahead and celebrate. We deserve it, guys.

We have finally finished 12 long years of sitting in classrooms taking year after year of History, Math, English, and Science.

Give yourselves a round of applause and a well-deserved nap.

After the glorious summer however, most of us will head off to college and be living on our own, give or take a roommate or two. All those aforementioned years of high school should have trained us for this independence, right? Unfortunately, I do not think that this is the case at all. Taking a look at the high school required curriculum as a whole, surviving outside of the high school bubble may serve as a challenge for those who did not receive any outside education or instruction.

In 6th, 7th, and 8th grades, the Family and Consumer Science (FACS) classes were required to be taken at least once. The curriculum was filled with sewing skills, how to do laundry, how to file taxes, to balance a checkbook, and even make a comprehensive and cost efficient meal plan for a week’s worth of food. These life skills are essential for any senior about to leave the nest...except by now, who remembers anything from middle school? While the basis of this class is exactly what we need, the time frame of when it is required is

completely off base for preparing students for the real world.

A much better idea would be to move that class, and classes of that nature, to the high school and make it a requirement.

More required classes? I can already tell that this suggestion would make some seniors very upset, as taking more classes takes more time and doesn’t leave room for “fun” classes or free periods. Another suggestion would be to make the Gym credit optional and replace it with the FACS credit. Before you call Michelle Obama on me about how 60 minutes of activity is great for kids, hear me out. First of all, many students are active through sports. At a lot of other schools, students who play a sport or regularly work out are exempt from taking a formal gym class during school hours, freeing up class periods for academics and other opportunities. Secondly, many students, myself included, took gym online to avoid taking it in school and allowing myself to take Zephyrus and a Teacher’s Assistant position without taking any zero-hour classes.

Here is the part that I give the high school some credit.

Classes such as personal finance, economics, and creative foods are all excellent preparation classes for college and beyond. I just really wish I had time to take them all and still have room for the classic Math, English, and History courses over the course of the last three years. A simple solution is this: make like the middle school and combine! FACS 2.0 if you will, this class could be like the older, more in-depth FACS class,

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complete with sewing, cooking, and household economics skills that we will all eventually need after graduation.

Yes, many of us have parental figures who have taught us to separate the colors from the whites during laundry as well as how to boil water and write a check. However, some students have never had that opportunity, and for some of these skills, Google just won’t cut it. School is an institution set up for the purpose of preparing the youth for the adult world. Last time I checked, knowing trigonometry wasn’t as useful for living on your own as much as knowing how to take out a loan or filling out a W-2 form was.

With that said, class of 2016, I wish you luck, financial success, and the knowledge to not put in a red socks with your white shirts. art by Olivia Chen

Sophie Cannon outgoing senior

CULTURE

Books for the Summer

The “Finstagram” Fad Megan Hussey outgoing human relations editor

Farhia Osman outgoing art editor

T h e

Hugh Cashman outgoing news editor

The culture of anime in the United States is a very nuanced to say the least. Traditionally, anime has been relatively taboo in the states. People see gargantuan eyes and hair of colors and immediately pass it’s fans off as bizarre pariahs.

There are two parties right now in the community. There are the new fans who are bringing anime to the mainstream and there are the old fans who remember days of ridicule for watching anime.

“I’ve been watching anime since I was in 3rd grade, so about nine years” said Emily Porter, a junior,

photo courtesy of instagram.com

In the wake of a new era where technology is around every corner, it’s not uncommon for people to have multiple social media accounts. Some people even go as far as having two accounts on the same site. On Instagram, the new fad is to have a “finstagram,” or “fake Instagram.” Intelligent young adults will usually make an account to post embarrassing pictures and/or videos that they don’t want their superiors to see. These accounts are typically on private settings, meaning the owner must give permission for you to see their posts.

It’s no surprise that this trend has made its way to Edina High School. While many students approached by Zephyrus staff declined to comment on their finstagrams for fear of too much embarrassment, these four brave souls agreed to answer a few questions. They are senior Ellie Bender, junior Josh Felton, and sophomores Jack Ford and Katherine Harkman.

Zephyrus: Why did you make a finstagram?

Ellie Bender: I made my finsta to honor the sexiest male specimen on the face of the earth, Robert Pattinson.

People were too judgmental of my love for him on my normal Instagram.

Josh Felton: I got a finstagram because whenever I posted weird dancing videos people always threw salt on my normal insta #smh.

Jack Ford: I made the account so I could really post whatever I wanted knowing I wouldn’t be judged by the people who followed it.

Katherine Harkman: I got one because I wanted to post things about my nugget life without people judging me!

Zephyrus: What types of images go on your finstagram?

E.B.: Sexy pics of my main man and selfies of me crying over pictures of him.

J.Felton: All different types of images go on my finsta, but mostly it’s videos of me and my squad doing clown stuff.

J.Ford: I just post random pictures about what I’m doing and what’s going on in my life, or they will be completely random posts.

K.H.: Mostly really cute selfies of myself and sometimes a rare video of me doing something super awesome.

Zephyrus: Who follows you?

E.B.: Fellow Rob fan accounts! It’s like an entire community.

J.Felton: I only let true homies follow me.

J.Ford: My friends that I know won’t judge me for what I post.

K.H.: Only people who I know won’t judge me, so basically lots of other girls fake instas.

Zephyrus: What’s the best thing you’ve ever posted?

E.B.: I’ve only posted one picture that didn’t end up getting deleted so that one.

J.Felton: The best thing I ever posted is probably this one video of me dancing in my bathroom (it’s super icy).

J.Ford: One of my favorite posts was a video I made of me playing clarinet in a koala onesie, one of my friends requested me to post of video so he could see me playing clarinet and so I just kinda said “screw it” and went all out.

K.H.: Best thing I ever posted was a fake hickey that my sister decided to put on me with makeup which started lots of questions by my friends and so I made up a whole story to make it “believable.”... I did a follow up video of my sister wiping it off with a makeup remover.

Zephyrus: Have you ever posted something you wouldn’t be comfortable showing to your grandmother?

E.B.: Nah, she got me into him in the first place. P.S. hit me up with a follow, @robsessed12345.

J.Felton: Nah, everything I post my grandmother would love. In fact, if she had an Instagram, she would get the follow. Let’s hope she would hit me up with that team followback.

J.Ford: No I haven’t, but I’m sure other people with finstas have.

K.H.: Yes the fake hickey one, I really don’t think my Grandma Bert would appreciate that.

C u l t u r e has been a fan for a long time. Nine years ago, anime wasn’t a trendy thing. This was before all the trap lords like Chris Travis and Robb Bank$ were name dropping Naruto in their songs. Before 2014, the closest thing to anime the average person watched was Pokemon.

There was an image of shut ins who wore panda hats that made the thought of any “normal” people who liked anime incomprehensible.

“Anime definitely has a negative stigma surrounding it. I’ve been shamed before because I watch anime by people who’ve never even seen it. It’s unfortunate that people are so quick to judge things that they know nothing about,” said

Porter. It’s both a blessing and a curse that the stigma is fading away.

As crazy as it sounds, the transformation of the culture surrounding anime is transitioning from nerds to gangsters. The good part is that it increases the exposure of the art style exponentially to people who would have otherwise thought it was too strange. On the other hand, it’s regrettable that with new fans, comes a new image.

Anime, specifically shonen or “action” anime (Naruto, Bleach, Dragon Ball) are now becoming associated with underground gang and drug culture. Certain rappers and drug dealers who listen to them sit down and watch Naruto

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School is winding down to an end and summer vacation will once again begin. Although it seems there is no time during the school year, there is so much free time during summer break that it’s hard to know what to do. Instead of turning on Netflix, keep your reading skills sharp by picking up a novel. Here’s a list of books that have either come out recently or have a movie releasing soon.

“Me Before You” by Jojo Moyes This book actually came out a couple years ago, however, there is a movie releasing soon, and since the books are always better than the movies, I suggest you read this first. Will Traynor was wealthy, adventurous man, until his motorcycle accident left him permanently disabled. Lou Clark’s life falls apart as she loses her job and boyfriend. However, that’s until she receives a job working as Will’s caregiver. Lou’s upbeat, eccentric personality is too much for Will’s cold and distant one, but he slowly warms up to her. This romantic novel follows the two as they become closer and closer. It is very cute and will leave you smiling and crying all at the same time!

“The Girl on the Train” by Paula Hawkins This novel was an absolute hit when it came out last year, and the movie is set to release this October. This thriller begins with the mundane life of Rachel as she rides the same commuter train every single day to get to work. Then one day, she glimpses something strange out of the window, and her life is changed forever. I can’t give too much away, but just know that the novel is extremely intense and hard to put down.

o f

“The Last One” by Alexandra Oliva If you are looking for another thriller, try this new novel. Twelve contestants are chosen for a reality T.V. show and sent to the woods to test their skills. However, while in the woods, devastation occurs to the outside world, but the contestants have been cut off from society and are oblivious. One of the contestants, a woman named called Zoo, comes across the wreckage of society, but believes it’s all part of the game and pushes herself harder to win to be reunited with her husband. This book will raise many questions, and I highly recommend this book if you like novels such as “Station Eleven” and “The Passage.”

“Passenger” by Alexandra Bracken For fans of Young Adult novels, this sci fi-fantasy is a great choice to pick up. Etta Spencer is a violin prodigy, but one horrible night transports her through time due to a family legacy she has no clue about.

Nicholas Carter finds a strange passenger, Etta, on his ship and together they embark on a search for a stolen item from a powerful family named the Ironwoods. As their dangerous mission continues, Etta is at risk of never being able to go back home. The race against time begins within the pages.

“The Ballroom” by Anna Hope This is a gorgeous new love story set in an unusual place: an asylum. The year is 1911 and the setting is an asylum in Yorkshire, where all the patients are locked away from each other. However, one night a week, all patients gather into the ballroom for a grand night of dancing. John and Ella meet for the first time and dance, and their lives are changed forever. A story of love, obsession, madness, and sanity unfolds into a beautiful story.

A n i m e

because it’s “intense” and “trippy.”

The anime bandwagon is centered around minor aspects of the show.

This is the difference between the new and old anime fans.

“A lot of what attracts me to anime is the multitude of art styles and concepts of shows. Most people think it’s a bunch of school girls fawning over a guy, but in truth that’s only a fraction of the shows. There’s a style and genre for everyone, just like regular television,” said Porter. Anime isn’t a genre of television, it’s television using a different art style.

“Anime studios do a really good job of making characters that are loveable or extremely fun to hate

and then gradually making them do a complete 180. The changing characters make you want to keep watching and root for them,” said Porter.

Well, what happens if you don’t fit the description of either current parties of fans and want to give anime a try? “People should just try watching a show once. Remember, if you don’t it’s not your thing, it may just be the show because there are so many types of anime out there. At least give it a try before bashing it,” said Porter. Perhaps in the coming years, anime will form a fanbase that is wide and varied as the different anime shows.

CULTURE

Edina Brings Show to International Thespian Festival

Beyond the Bubble: Summer Edition Finally, summer’s almost here! While Zephyrus hopes that you have a fun and eventful summer right here in Edina, we challenge you to venture out and explore all the great things that Minnesota offers outside of the bubble.

Whether it’s for a concert at First Avenue or a farmers market in Centennial Lakes, make a day out of it and go on a fun filled adventure!

One of the many great things that you could do this summer is stop by one of Minnesota’s famous museums.

The Walker Art Center, located in the Twin Cities is a must see. With its visual art exhibitions, beautiful performing arts shows, and film screenings, it’s definitely the place to take in some of the most cutting-edge contemporary art from all over the world. Another museum that you should visit is the Minneapolis Institute of Art. Even if you can’t afford to travel outside of Minnesota, you get to see masterpieces from all different cultures and eras. Each visit will bring you a new discovery, whether it’s spending time with a Monet, checking out the Chinese jade collection, or viewing some of the American Indian pieces. You have the opportunity to step into an entirely new culture, without even leaving the state, and it’s free. Another amazing

opportunity during the summer is farmers markets, such as the Hopkins Farmers Market. Not too far from home, this market is open every Saturday, June 14 through October 25, from 7:30 AM to noon. You may have to get up a little early, but it’s definitely worth it. They feature locally grown fruits and vegetables, meat and poultry, eggs, cheese, and a plethora of homemade goods, including delicious breads, desserts, and honey. And this year, they will be hosting food trucks! There’s also the chance to see local artisans display their products for sale, including things like painting, pottery, woodwork, and hand-spun and woven clothing items.

And what would summer be without music? The Twin Cities has a great array of live music and music festivals featured this summer. 89.3 The Current kicks us off with Rock the Garden on June 18, a one-day, two-stage festival on Boom Island. See bands such as the Flaming Lips, Hippo Campus, and Chance the Rapper. Another amazing local festival is the Basilica Block Party, a two-day festival hosted at the Basilica in early July. The lineup includes Death Cab For Cutie, X Ambassadors, Phillip Phillips, and The Fray. These festivals are a stellar way to get out to see some bands you enjoy, and maybe fall in love with some new ones!

Some stand alone concerts happening this summer bring big acts to the Cities. At cozy First Ave, BORNS will be playing an all-ages show on July 27. British powerhouse Adele will be blessing us with her presence at the Xcel Energy Center on July 5 and 6. If you haven’t already bought tickets, get on that because they are selling fast. Also, at the Xcel Energy Center, eighties rockers Duran Duran will be playing on July 23. It’s a great way to take the pressure off and party to some sweet synth.

Now, enjoy these next few weeks of school, and look forward to everything great that the Twin Cities has to offer this summer. Whether it be museums, markets, fairs, festivals, or anything else that is offered in the summer months, have fun beyond the bubble!

Xcel Energy Center photo courtesy of Nikki Lund

Nikki Lund and Lillie Westbrook art editor and editor in chief

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16) and send off performances which will be in the Southview Middle School auditorium on June 17 at 1:00 and 7:00. The cast and crew will pack up the set the following day and begin the journey. They will get to spend the week of ITF enjoying classes and lectures, going to dances, and attending shows as well as preparing for their own. They will perform on Friday, June 24, and will make the trip back early Sunday morning.

The week will hopefully be one of pride for EHS and opportunity for the cast.

photo courtesy of hspvatheatreguild.org

You may remember the excitement that followed the news of the Edina High School’s winter play, “Peter and the Starcatcher” being one of eleven shows chosen from around the country to perform at the International Thespian Festival, or ITF, this summer. The time is nearing for the cast and crew to pack up the set of a London port in 1885, the two ships, and Neverland itself for the journey to Lincoln, Nebraska.

So here’s the update: originally, the show shouldn’t have been chosen in the first place because there are always ten slots for main stage shows each year. These slots are filled chronologically over the course of the year as different shows from different high schools perform. “Peter and the Starcatcher” was last in line and fighting for the tenth slot.

It was filled only a week or so before the performance. Tony Matthes, the director received an email from the ITF officials stating the following. “Hi Tony… As of last weekend we only had one opening left in the Lied (the Kimball was completely full)... We are inviting a show from last weekend, therefore there are no more openings. I am truly sorry that we won’t be able to consider your show for a main stage slot.”

Mr. Matthes wanted to at least allow the cast to have feedback so he asked if the adjudicators could come to

the show anyways and kept the news of the slots filling to himself so it wouldn’t sway the performance. The cast had no knowledge that this was the case and assumed that they still had a fair shot.

A week after the show was performed the cast received a notice on their facebook page from Mr. Matthes. It included the email mentioned above, and the feedback from the adjudicators. “We blew the adjudicators away! She said it was the best High School show she has ever seen… They actually added a mainstage… and rented a theatre to pull it off… We are so honored. They have never done this before! Congrats, and well done… you have taught me in your performance “To have faith is to have wings.”

So the ITF officials rented a theater about a block off campus to include “Peter and the Starcatcher” into the rotation of main stage shows so for the first time ever, eleven shows would be attending instead of ten. Some of the shows that will be attending are “Spring Awakening,” “The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee,” “Chicago,” and our own, “Peter and the Starcatcher.”

Since then, a show had dropped out of the rotation so “Peter and the Starcatcher” will be able to perform in the Kimball theater on campus. The cast has had three brush up rehearsals since the show closed in January, and plan to have one more in May before their tech week rehearsals (June 13-

International Thespian Society

Edina Ar t Fair Megan Talghader head artist The annual Edina Art Fair is planning to blow everyone’s minds with its beautiful artwork and amazing talent. The fair, taking place along 50th and France on June 3 through June 5, features 300 top artists from Minnesota, the U.S and Canada.

Artists will be chosen out of a pool of 800 applicants, and the exhibitors represent a diverse mix of all mediums including local and national artists.

Even the artworks are of a varied mix: drawings, ceramics, jewelry, wood carvings, photography, sculpture, glass, clothing — you name it, can be found at the fair. Some artists do high-end oil paintings, while others make “great lawn art, so it’s a nice mix,” says Rachel Thelemann, executive director of the 50th and France Business and Professional Association. In recent years, Thelemann has noticed more mixed-media and collage work at the fair. “Garden art and unique jewelry and fashion items are also popular,” she says. Plus, the fair has a good track record for returning artists, and it’s always attracting new people. Despite the sheer scale of the event, Thelemann does her best to make sure the layout is intuitive and familiar, even assigning exhibitors to the same locations whenever possible. “That way, fairgoers can track down their favorite artists,” she says.

Because of how successful the event has become, it’s ranked number one in Minnesota and is the second largest Art Fair in the state, just behind the Uptown Art Fair, according to event materials. The fair is also celebrating its 50th anniversary “It’s really cool to see all of the different artists and works they put up. There’s also a ton of delicious food to buy which is always a plus,” says Daphne Iskos, an art student and junior at Edina High School. “I feel like my experience as an art student helps me appreciate the work a bit more than the average person. It’s hard to appreciate the full extent of the creativity that goes into each piece without suffering through the creative process yourself,” says Iskos. courtesy of the city of Edina

Rebecca Edgington human resources editor

SPORTS

Royal Golf Course Fishing For a Good Time Will Schwinghammer humor editor

Molly Sparrow sports editor emeritus

art by Megan Talghader

photo courtesy of Google

Fishing is something you may have done off the dock at your grandpa’s neighbor’s house when you were seven, but that doesn’t make you a fisherman.

However, there are a handful of students at Edina High School that would consider themselves anything but beginners. Three of these people are Max Page, Drew Bartodziej, and J.R. Brauer. Page, Bartodziej, and Brauer aren’t on a fishing team, but they fish as a recreational sport instead. Zephyrus asked the three fishermen for their best fishing advice and experiences in order to understand more about the sport.

Fishing isn’t just simply sitting on a boat or dock, putting a line in the water, and waiting for a bite; it takes skill and patience. “I like fishing because every day is different on the water; it is always a test of knowledge and ability depending of the different conditions being faced. Even when nothing is biting, the day is spent in nature with good friends,” said Bartodziej. “I love the thrill of catching a fish and not knowing what type until you reel it in. Also, it’s a very mental sport with knowing all different kinds of tactics to be able to catch and locate the fish you are targeting,” said Brauer.

Some of the knowledge needed for fishing is knowing where and when to go. “The best time of the year to go is early morning or right before sunset in the fall when the weather is mild and the fish are active,” said Page. Besides knowing when the best time to have the most success is, a fisherman usually has a preference of how they fish; whether that be standing in the water, from a dock, or on a boat. “I usually fish from a boat because it is easier to access to spots that are far from the shore. In most cases, I prefer fishing from a boat because I can cast shallow and work deeper on the break line where most fish are located,” said Bartodziej.

“Fishing takes years of practice and a lot of patience, but it is a great way to enjoy nature,” said Page.

Fishing is a world-renowned sport that welcomes professionals and amateurs alike. Due to this year’s early spring weather, fishing conditions are ideal. So grab youself a fishing rod and catch yourself a good time.

While many Edina golfers are aware of all the recent changes going on at Braemar and the removal of the Fred Richards course, many may not have heard about the developments going on at Tartan Park’s new The King and The Queen course at Royal Golf Club in Lake Elmo. Private developers bought the property from 3M, who put the land up for sale last May, according to the Star Tribune. The existing course and clubhouse will be redesigned and upgraded, and should open next summer.

Since 1958, 3M privately owned Tartan Park as a corporate retreat location, but they recently sold the course to Pro Links Sports, according to bizjournals.com. The course was opened to the public in 2014.

Prior to that, only retirees and employees at 3M had access to the course. In addition to the golf course, Tartan Park also includes an archery range, tennis courts, and softball fields.The course will be redone and designed by legendary golfers Arnold Palmer and Annika Sorenstam.

Currently, the course has 27 holes. Palmer will take 18 holes and reduce them to nine, then redesign them into his new “King’s Nine,” according to the Pioneer Press. Sorenstam will redesign the other nine holes into her “Queen’s Nine.” The plan also includes 357 residential lots near the course, as well as a new restaurant, a clubhouse renovation, and a

fitness center.

According to the Star Tribune, the course’s list price was $10 million, but sale details have yet to be disclosed. Despite the price, a county assessment in 2015 only valued the course at just over $5 million. The project will cost an estimated $20 million, according to the Pioneer Press. Previously, public ownership of the natural areas of Tartan Park, which borders the much larger Lake Elmo Regional Park was considered, but that plan fell through due to a lack of public interest.

Lake Elmo residents were against restoring and conserving the parkland, in favor of keeping a golf course on the land, according to the Star Tribune.

Pro Link Sports was the only developer that didn’t plan to bulldoze the course, according to the Pioneer Press, either planning to keep it as open space or build houses on the land.

The King and The Queen Golf Course is currently in development

by Arnold Palmer Design Company and Annika Course Design, and the course will open to the public sometime in summer 2017. According to bizjournals. com, this is Sorenstam’s first course design in America, as well as the first collaboration on a design between Sorenstam and Palmer. ”This will be big-time golf,” said Pro Link CEO Hollis Cavner in an interview with the Pioneer Press. Cavner is confident that the new course will do well. “People will be clamouring to be out here,” said Cavner.

Frisbee Golf: Taking Minnesota by Storm Erik Lindquist outgoing online editor in chief

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This summer if you’re looking for a laid-back, free, and fun way to get outdoors with your friends, then try frolf. “It’s an easy sport to get into, and so long as you get a good disc and have good technique, you can do pretty well with minimal practice,” said Jensen. photo courtesy of discgolfreviewer.com

Frisbee Golf, also known as frolf, is a fun leisure activity that many Edina High School students participate during the warmer months of the year. “Frolf is a pretty low key and fun thing to do in the summer. Good way to spend time outside,” said senior Andrew Otterlei, captain of the Ultimate Frisbee team.

There are various frisbee golf courses all over the Twin Cities. Frolf is a precision and accuracy sport that consists of players throwing discs, which are smaller, more compact, more colorful, and more aerodynamic frisbees, towards chain “baskets.” The object of the game is to throw the disc into the basket in as few throws as possible, similar to normal golf where you want few strokes. Courses are often marked by about eighteen baskets, which are pretty much the equivalent to the flag and hole in normal golf. Aside from paying for the discs necessary to play, it’s a free passtime.

It seems as though Rosland Park, located right by Lake Cornelia and the Edina Aquatic Center is the dominant frolf course in Edina. “I think there’s a new course at Highlands, but I’ve never actually taken the time to check it out. I like

Rosland Park because it’s just a block away from my house, so I can bike there easily,” said sophomore Matthew Jensen.

“I think Rosland Park is pretty good course for people that just enjoy playing for fun, since it’s right in the Edina area” said Otterlei.

While Rosland Park is the only course in Edina, there are many other places to play. “My favorite place to frisbee golf is Bryant Lake park. It’s not very busy, so I don’t need to worry about hitting someone if I botch a throw,” said senior Alex Rice-Slothower.

One doesn’t need a whole lot to frolf. “I bring a golf disc bag with a couple pairs of drivers, putters, mid-ranges, and a water bottle. The sport is nice because it doesn’t require much equipment,” said Jensen. Driver discs are for longer distance throws, or drives, while putters are for shorter distance throws.

Mid-ranges are self-explanatory.

Some people stray from the norm and use an ultimate frisbee instead of frolf discs. “I’d say half the time I’ll use an ultimate [disc] because it’s fun to practice with one for Ultimate and half the time I’ll use a frolf one. I’m a big fan of using the putter for everything,” said Otterlei. Rice Slothower, on the other hand, uses solely drivers. “I’m all about the long distances.”

Frisbee golf course at Edina Aquatic Centert

HUMOR

Not-So-Scholarly-Ships Audrey Sheehy outgoing print editor in chief

Application Procedures: 1. Obtain a general application, which does not have to be filled out for consideration 2. Please take your time to properly assess your life, and write down which scholarships you apply for Original Pancake House Scholarship: One $500 award to an individual who likes to eat pancakes. Must consume 50,000 calories of OPH pancakes in one week.

Annie Amen online copy editor

Edina Super-Super Fan Scholarship: Three $2000 scholarships to seniors who have attended every single athletic event since sophomore year with a bee sticker on the corner of his or her eye.

Crime is a completely serious business. As we all know, police spend their time doing serious business things, like setting up speed traps and riding Segways in malls. The Star Tribune ceremonially publishes the best of Twin Cities crime every week in the West Metro section. Zephyrus has selected the incidents that speak to the maturity and intelligence of the human population, and has published them here to honor all the people who call 911 with imperative and serious concerns.

Bernie Sanders Scholarship: One $1,000 award. This student must have given all of their family’s money away and traded their house for a cardboard box in the lower fields of EHS. Donald Trump Scholarship: Two $750 scholarships (renewable) will be awarded to two seniors who think they are better than everyone else. Must have demonstrated every vulgar term in classroom discussion and objectified one girl in front of the class.

Over-Achiever Scholarship: One $5000 scholarship for one student who was simultaneously involved in Choir, Band, Orchestra, Model United Nations, Debate, Speech, Robotics, DECA, Math Team, Quiz Bowl, Writer’s Block, 212, YSY service, and three varsity sports. They must also like to paint, cook, and pet monkeys.

photo by Nikki Lund

Edina Band Alumni Association Scholarship: $15 scholarships for all senior members of the Edina High School marching band cult. Must have appeared in every group photo from every Bandie gathering, and must have “I <3 Band” tattooed across their forehead.

It takes grit to get a scholarship

Grad Party Greatness Lillie Westbrook print editor in chief

anyways?

(3) Be elected prom Gender-Neutral Ruler, and decree that all Edina High School students are required to attend your party by law.

Run a campaign for a student to be crowned Prom Gender-Neutral Ruler at prom against the administration.

Then, run another campaign to be elected said GenderNeutral Ruler. This means networking. Be captain of some sports teams, be president of many clubs, become Editors of Zephyrus and Windigo (also bring the warring kingdoms of the publications to peace for once and for all).

Put a picture of yourself in middle school holding some homemade spring rolls in South View’s atrium. Start a satirical newspaper/zine mocking the name of your middle school and drawing on your Texan roots. Do anything to make your name known in these next three weeks. Finally, once elected, rule with an iron, but party-loving, fist.

Force your subjects to attend your party under threat of not graduating on time. Bask in the cheers of your adoring citizens!

So there it is, folks: three easy steps to make your grad party a RAD party. With these guidelines, you can be sure that you’ll get all the awkward selfies and inherently more awkward tears from friends and kinda-but-not-really friends.

With this parting gathering, you’ll be ready to take on college and the adult world, with no stress or fear of the “See guys? I’m cool, right?” unknown. Happy partying! photo by Nikki Lund

Ah, the end of the school year. Finals, AP tests, and most importantly, grad parties. At a time when everybody is having a party in the same four hours of the summer, you need to make sure that yours is the event of the season. If not, how will you get all those sweet photo ops and chances to say goodbye to the people you spent minimal time with?

In order for you to get swarms of friends, family, and faces that kind of ring a bell coming to your party, follow Zeph’s guide to Grad Party Greatness.

(1) Offer a something that you’re sure no one else will have.

You know that cursed amulet that’s tucked away in your basement? The one that when asked about, makes your grandmother’s eyes flash and solemnly say “never again”?

Yeah, that one. Well, it’s time to dust it off (metaphorically of course, as it never seems to dull or gather any kind of grime) and put it on display. Your invitees will be so excited to find out what it does (and so will Grandpa)! Wait a second, why is Katie writhing and rising in the air? Why is it suddenly so cold? Why do the the Latin students look so scared about those deep mutterings coming from the sky? All questions answered at your grad party!

(2) Bump a fire playlist.

You want this to be accessible, fun party music. Get something that everybody knows the words to and can dance along. For example, play all of DJ Isaiah “JC” Smalls’ first album at top volume, and then slow it down with Malibu Express’s Wolfmother cover of “Apple Tree”.

Other suggestions include Harry Nilsson’s 1971 classic movie soundtrack, “The Point!” and the Clique Girlz “Then I Woke Up”. Avoid anything too niche, like David Bowie or Beyonce. How can anyone dance to “Single Ladies”

December 21, 2014: MAPLE GROVE: Property damage.

Someone threw eggs at a home and smeared mayonnaise in the driveway on the 16400 block of Urbandale Lane.

January 19, 2014: RICHFIELD: Theft. A 28-year-old Minneapolis man was cited for stealing 10 bottles of shampoo from Rainbow, 140 W. 66th St.

Ansel Adams Memorial Scholarship: Two $500 awards for any student who thinks they are a good photographer because they bought a nice camera and post overexposed and over saturated pictures on Instagram. VSCO account required.

Zephyrus Wannabe Scholarship: One $700 award will be given to a student who sincerely regrets never applying to Zephyrus. Must have sat outside looking in on all the parties, crying because they weren’t invited.

Crime Doesn’t Pay

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March 11, 2016: INDEPENDENCE: Harassment. A resident in the 3100 block of Independence Road reported that a bag of horse manure had been left in her driveway with a note attached. The caller said she felt offended and harassed.

March 12, 2016: MEDINA: Suspicious activity. A resident at County Road 24 and Homestead Trail reported that two white sports cars were driving back and forth in front of his home. An officer located two Porsches and their drivers, who explained that a professional photographer was taking photos of the cars for the upcoming auto show.

January 29, 2016: FRIDLEY: Domestic dispute. Officers responded to a domestic call at a home in the 5700 block of East River Road NE. A 46-year-old man reported that his 29-year-old roommate had eaten his food. The two agreed to separate for the night.

February 17, 2016: NEWPORT: Suspicious activity. Someone reported a group of juveniles with pick axes throwing snow in the 15000 block of Bluestem Lane. A deputy advised the juveniles to build a snow fort on their own property.

December 11, 2015: MAPLE GROVE: Animal complaint. A person reported that a potbelly pig was running loose in the 7600 block of Orchid Lane. Officers found that the caller had captured the pig, which was taken to an animal facility.

November 30, 2015: WOODBURY: Shoveling complaint. Snow was reported moved from a driveway into the street in the 1300 block of Schooner Way. The resident told police he was unaware residents could not shovel snow into the street. He said he’d move it after he finished dinner.

November 4, 2015: MAHTOMEDI: Suspicious activity. A man in the 1000 block of Hallam Avenue asked authorities if they were keeping an eye on his neighbor. He said he knew the neighbor was up to no good but had no specific information at the present time.

October 2, 2015: WOODBURY: Suspicious activity. A woman in the 1800 block of Bowsens Lane told police she is continually finding golf balls in her backyard. She said she has no idea where they’re coming from and none have hit her home.

Thank you, Star Tribune, for bringing these pressing societal concerns to our attention. The only thing that can explain their presence is the admission that “items are selected from reports made to police departments and are not intended to provide a comprehensive picture of crime.”