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Poems by Theresa Ilardi
Only last night
For John-John, Joey, Katie, and Chris
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John-john, only last night read you Dr. Seuss, covered you in blanket, while inhaling baby powder and shampoo.
Joey, only night we talked about nothing and everything. Hugged and you said, “Love you Ma.” Your voice is changing.
Katie, only last night dropped by you on your fi rst day at new job— sweet sixteen in brand new Dunkin’ Doughnuts uniform. You snuck me coffee on the sly and remembered I didn’t take sugar. I am so proud of you.
Chris, only last night e-mailed you to let you know everything’s cool. Your baby brother home from hospital and all is well.
Only last night violated shelter rules by staying out a whole fi ve days. Oh well, thank you God for last night.
Th er a Ilardi
Theresa Ilardi
Fourteen candles
Eyes with hate stare me down across my child’s birthday cake. Candles are blown out. It’s time to hide. Theresa Ilardi
225-64
Building stands alone with numerous places to wander. Basement chains my deep, dark desires. Upstairs: many dark rooms with fears leaping out of corners. Down hall, another room, sunlight streaming on parquet floors. Keep out the closet—flying bones. Upstairs: a large, bright, gay nursery. Hanging in air, birthday balloons, pink, green, and blue. Well-used toys strewn about. A good place. Offside the door: attic stair. Sure you wanna go there? Boxes and trunks—bad memories keep them locked up. Another climb—rooftop, fresh air. Can see the beach waves crashing forth. View of my possibilities. Your eyes tear away from mine. Silence. Have you nothing to say after traveling my soul? Theresa Ilardi
Staying in
Day in, day out Know there’s something more. Too tired to find it. It’s raining outside. Theresa Ilardi
Yes, yes you can. No, no it’s too damn hard. And fucking unfair. Wasn’t born no shelter rat— but dying one, fear that. Theresa Ilardi
The good fight
Wanna be free, wanna let go. Ties are holding me down. Body hurting and sore from the fight. Day I stop trying is the day I lose. Theresa Ilardi
