Poems by monté

Poems by monté

WHEN I DIE

I want to know that it’s over and that I have no regrets

When I die I hope it’s peaceful accepting surrendering to serenity

When I die I hope for enlightenment I hope that everything will be revealed all difficulties made simple

And when I die... don’t worry

Might I make a suggestion— someone donating a Persian rug so I may be wrapped and discarded comfortably

And when I die a block party on every other block in the city my favorite DJs spinning all my favorites nonstop for a week with people dancing on the blocks and socializing on every other block

My friends meeting each other some for the first time

...when I die. SIMPLY

I write because I must A form of gaining your trust I sketch the feelings we feel I paint the sensations so real I can take you on a journey from here to then And tell you how it was when

It’s a gift my muse constantly sends My hope is that it never ends.. Simply

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH....

In December of this year I will celebrate 30 years since my diagnosis of AIDS

30 years quite an accomplishment

At times I have felt like the leper who has been cured like Lazarus raised again

30 years, it’s a wonderful thing

But...

Nobody talks about the loneliness Nobody talks about the ravages of the disease Let me be the one to tell you

I am 63 years of age now not a commodity in the dating market

Scars from bouts with Folliculitis have lowered my self-esteem nobody talks about the loneliness

Sometimes I just want to be held...

I’d love to see that spark that excitement that reaction from somebody???

Ohhh...

Does living this long mean I’ll never be intimate with someone again? GETTING OLDER

“Love’s abandoned me Love don’t live here anymore”

Sometimes I think a love interest other than my teaching writing and performing would be good for the old man a boost in morale a reason to improve.

But until it comes I will be my own boost My own reason to improve and hope that love shows its face one more time.

Poems by

Dennis Martin

NEVER STOP THIS TIME AROUND

I will never stop I did not let HIV stop me From being me I will never stop I won’t let the stigma of HIV Make me hide Not anymore I won’t give in to the saying That I can’t I know I can I didn’t let drugs and alcohol Take me all the way down I even thought— I thought it was the end I still have the light in me I did not let my relapse stop me From becoming the man that I am meant to become In the voice of Miss Joyce, “You can’t take me down. I will never stop.” This time around things will be different A new start for me Again, I’m grateful But this time around I know what not to do, what not to say This time around I will make sure to put myself first To know my value To believe in me

MOM

If she should leave me I would be all alone The only true friend I’ve ever had Or ever known The only one that really cares No matter what

If I lost you I would lose my mind Lose all sense of time No need to live That’s how I would feel If I lost you, Mom DAD

But Dad, you can go I don’t want no more Cocaine No more jokes

It has become more than Clear That with you in my life now It’s like you’re still not here anyway

Never supported me Only supplied me With unwanted hardware

POSITIVE CHANGE

When I think now I think so much more… Different than what I did before A Positive Change When I talk to people I never met before I am more understanding… Much more than I was before When I open my mouth, I think before I speak A Positive Change has been made in me And The change in me is clear to see ASCNYC has made a change in me But there is still more Positive Change in me

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212.645.0875 www.ascnyc.org Celebrating its 25 year in 2016, ASCNYC promotes Positive Change for New Yorkers seeking health, recovery, and a better future as they navigate life with HIV and other chronic health conditions. We help our clients overcome addiction, access medical care to get their health back on track, escape homelessness, rejoin the world of work, replace isolation with community, and lead healthier and more self-sufficient lives.