Poem by Stephen Alan McDonald

FREE

Free when you can spread your wings and fly away

Free when you can live to see another day

Free when you can see your friends and family grow old together in love

Free to be with the one and only one—the one you love

So kick off your shoes put your feet in the grass feel the breeze zooming by as you pass

It don’t cost you nothing—

just free!

Stephen Alan McDonald

TOO MANY THOUGHTS

Too many thoughts. Not sure which way to go. I have so much to say. But no one to tell it to. I want to be adventurous, But I am afraid to leave my comfort zone. I am feeling selfish. I want to share with the world. I am a complex, misunderstood, And often confused individual.

I am as simple as you see me.

Shurland H. Aird VIH

It’s early in the morning and my host body can’t sleep. He is restless, and in some discomfort from my latest ploy to take over his body. Ha, ha, ha. I am the Dr. Evil of the disease world. But for now I will give him a break and let him try to get some more rest. OK, OK—That’s enough! Now I will make him cough. Let’s see...where do we go today? Does he have to go see his doctor? Wait...maybe this is the day he has to go to Social Security and sit the whole day (if there is a place to sit) and wait to be called only to be told that he is not sick enough to receive help. The fact that he has been in the bathroom six times does not count for anything. With a stroke of a pen he is dismissed. But what do I care? I have no feelings. I want to kill them all. Mess with me, will you? Ha. Ha. Ha.

Shurland H. Aird

HOW HARD IT IS TO CROSS THIS BRIDGE

I want to cross. I want to go over. I want to discover the joys that await me on the other side. I want to look back and see how far I have come. I want to look in the mirror and like who I see. I want to feel the satisfaction of completing a task. I want to be rewarded for that task. I want to receive that award in front of many.

To obtain all these goals and more I have to find the balance in my life. I have to donate equal time and energy. I have to allocate the right amount of will. I have to trust in myself. I have to trust in the Lord. I have to trust that I am doing the absolute best for me.

I will need to be honest with myself. I will need to look at the big picture of my life. I will be strong. I will make a better effort than before. I will look beyond the obvious. I will have more stamina and endurance.

I will make the right choices. I will strive for a better balance in every aspect of my life. I will make every day more fulfilling. I will be more aware of my opportunities. I will be happy and healthy. I will cross that bridge and many others.

Shurland H. Aird

ODE TO THE TREES

Some are yellow. Some are green. Some have lost all their leaves. Some are homes for the many, many birds. Some are a source of food for the squirrels. Some are mere twigs. Some are giants to behold.

I wish I were a tree. But do not pee on me! I can stretch high toward the sky. I can even catch a string kite going by. I shade the baby plantlings till they are grown. I grow toward the light with a mind of my own. I provide shade for mankind. I wish they would repay me by not being so unkind. Like when they carve their names into my hide. People think, Oh, trees can’t feel. But I am alive, So let’s be real. I know I was put on this earth to aid mankind, But please allow me to have a life for a little while.

Shurland H. Aird

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE DISABLED?

You can drive a car. Why should you get disabled parking? Why should you have a discount pass just because you have AIDS? Why should you get your medications free? They are not free for me. Why should you get free food? I have to pay the grocer for mine. Why should the government give a shit and money for a cure?

Because some days I can’t get out of bed. Because I throw up while sitting on the throne all at the same time. Because unlike other meds, some HIV meds cost $800 for 30 fucking pills. Because I lost my job when they learned I had HIV. Because my landlord changed the locks on me. Because my family abandoned me—too ashamed of me. Because my depression drives me crazy. Because now no one will hire me. Because I am treated by most like an outcast. Because I am unable to have the life I had before.

Shurland H. Aird