Situations 22

SITUATIONS 22

Spring 2023

Writings from the Alliance Creative Writing Workshop

Situations is a literary magazine containing the writings of participants in the Creative Writing Workshop at Alliance for Positive Change.

The Creative Writing Workshop promotes medication adherence, stress management, harm reduction, and healthy behaviors by offering a forum for self-awareness, social engagement, and selfexpression among persons living with and affected by HIV/AIDS and other chronic illnesses.

The workshop is funded by a grant from the Phil Zwickler Charitable and Memorial Foundation Trust. The printing of Situations was made possible by the generous support of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). We thank all of these funding sources for demonstrating the vision and commitment to support creative programming.

Alliance for Positive Change is a leading multiservice organization that provides low-income New Yorkers living with HIV/AIDS and other chronic conditions with access to quality health care, housing, harm reduction, coaching, food and nutritional services, peer training, and more. Alliance opened in 1991, at the height of the HIV crisis—a welcoming community of transformation and opportunity. Today, we deliver on the promise of positive change with services and resources that equip people to navigate systemic inequities and achieve health and well-being. Learn more at www.alliance.nyc.

Situations 22

Situations Editor: Gerry Gomez Pearlberg

Publication Design and Origami: Talo Kawasaki

Poet Photos: David Nager

Alliance Poetry Leaders: Azeem S. Khan, Harriet McNeill, and Rosa Velez

Alliance Program Liaison: Ramona Cummings

Alliance Executive Director/CEO: Sharen I. Duke

Special thanks to: Brooke Montes, Dan Knitzer, and Ramona Cummings

Introduction…………………………………………………………………4

Poems by Viola Hairston………………………………………………………5

Poems by Karlene Forbes…………......……………………………………….6

Poems by Nathan R. Williams, Jr………………………………………………8

Poems by Jesus Rosado..……………………………………………………….9

Poems by Nildi Avila………………………………………………………….11

Poems by Michael Williams.…………………………………………………13

Poems by Dudley Joey Moss…………………………………………………14

Poems by Wilhelmina Love………………………………..…………………15

Poems by Darryl Wells.………………………………………………………16

Poems by Harriet McNeill (a.k.a. Star Heed)………………………………17

Writings by “E” (a.k.a. EROBOS)……………………………………………19

Poem by Luther Jarman..…………….………………………………………21

Poems by Vladimir R. Best……………………………………………………22

Poems by Iris Elizabeth Sankey-Lewis………………………………………24

Poems by Charles H. Waters.…………………………………………………26

Poems by John Madison (a.k.a. Mr. MAD)…………………………………….27

Poems by Fred Street…………………………………………………………28

Poem by Melissa Jones..………………………………………………………30

Poems by i.a. (Virgin Poet)……………………………………………………31

Poems by April B. ……………………………………………………………33

Poem by Eugene Eppes..…………………………………..…………………34

Poems by Lucy Cordero….……………………………………………………35

Poems by Rosa Velez.…………………………………………………………37

Poems by Azeem S. Khan..……………………………………………………39

Poems by Rufino Colón (In Memoriam)..……………………………………41

Poems by Robert Kirk James (In Memoriam)..………………………………43

Poems by Donald Terrell (In Memoriam).……………………………………44

Poems by Myrna Walker Wise (In Memoriam)………………………………45

Poems by Wellington Pinder (In Memoriam)…………………………………46

Poems by Grace Peterson (a.k.a. Poetic) (In Memoriam).……………………47

Poetry is a summer’s buzz that runs through my soul like flowing water, like the true love I have for one with no name.

–Donald Terrell (1961–2019)

We are delighted to share our 22nd issue of Situations, celebrating the extraordinary poetry generated in the weekly Creative Writing Workshop at Alliance for Positive Change.

In 2000, Alliance’s Executive Director, Sharen Duke, made the unconventional (and inspired!) decision to add a poetry workshop to the agency’s portfolio of health-promotion programs. The Creative Writing Workshop was an experiment rooted in the idea that creative expression can support healing, recovery, and wellness.

The experiment went amazingly well! The workshop has meet weekly for 23 years. Over 150 participants have seen their poems published in Situations and many more attended the workshop to find creative community. Participants have told us, time and time again, how the workshop helped them access their best selves, tap into their creative wisdom, and learn from their fellow poets through reading, writing, and listening deeply together.

It was a joy to lead this workshop from its inception through its 14th year, when two capable Poetry Leaders and longtime workshop participants—Azeem S. Khan and Rosa Velez—took up the role of co-teaching this group.

In spring 2020, as we were preparing to celebrate the workshop’s 20th anniversary with the publication of Situations 22 and our annual poetry reading at Barnes & Noble Union Square, the pandemic hit. Plans changed.

The Situations you now hold in your hands features poems from the unpublished “pre-pandemic” issue, plus those written in the workshop over the past couple of years. We are pleased to feature poets who joined the workshop since COVID-19 became a fact of life, side-by-side with people who’ve participated in the group for years—and in some cases, decades.

Please enjoy these poems and allow them to inspire you!

Gerry Gomez Pearlberg Workshop Facilitator (2000–2014)

POEMS BY Viola Hairston

REFLECTIONS

Shout out to everyone who is trying right now. Trying to do the right things, trying to stay open, trying to hold on, trying to let go, trying to find their flow, trying to stay afloat, trying to meet each day, trying to find their balance, trying to love themselves, trying new things and new ways. I see you. I’m there too. We’re in this together.

DARKNESS

The darkness is no longer in my world. There is peace and love that shines through me that never dies. My soul is like a violin that plays a melody that flows through my mind and opens out and becomes a special butterfly when I spread my wings on an open door.

LOOKING AT YOUR REFLECTION

Be a reflection of what you like to receive in return. If you want love, then you give love in order to receive it. If you want the truth, then be truthful to others. If you want respect, then you will have to prove that you respect others. Whatever positive thoughts you give out, you will get a positive result. Be soft and don’t let the world make you hard. Don’t let pain get to you. Don’t ever let bitterness take control over you. Be yourself and don’t ever let people put you down. Every age is a blessing—you have to receive it, life is what you make of it. There’s so much to life, we are growing every day, growing pains.

UNTITLED

You were born to dance to the beat of your own heart, to roam without cages, with the innocence of a child and the free spirit of untamed horses. I hope you laugh without stopping. Live with abandon and love like that’s all there is—stay wild.

POEMS BY Karlene Forbes

FULL

I am full.

I am not empty or half-full. I am full with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. I was born this way.

Everyone was born with a gift from God. We all was born with that knowledge. WE must grow in the grace of God.

I know I am not empty. I have grace, peace, and hope. I hope for every good today.

FREEDOM

When you are free you are actually standing up for yourself. No one to put you down or let you think less of yourself. Freedom is a must and when you are free you are actually talking about freedom. Free am, free really, free like the birds that flew from here and there. Am free.

I AM NOT!

I am not a failure; I have been blessed. From the day I was born—don’t matter what goes on in life, don’t consider that you are a failure. Everyone has a purpose in life. We were put on this earth for a reason. Sometimes in life you meet a little mishap, but don’t give up on life, God will work things out for you.

You just have to be patient and pray.

You never know what life holds for you, you just have to trust and believe in the good lord, and he will rescue you, don’t matter what goes on, you must be patient and have faith; we all are blessed.

LET’S LEARN

Everyone should learn from their mistakes. You do not try to make the same mistakes over and over again, that would seem you are really doing it on purpose. You always live and live to learn— don’t keep doing the same thing and think it’s funny. If you are doing something, just do the right thing. Everything that is right is pleasing in the sight of the lord. Don’t be disobedient over and over again. Let us all think positive, think good things. Away with negativity, let’s think about prosperities. Let’s think of good things.

UNTITLED

Let us think positive and forget all the negative thinking!! We have to remember there is only one life to live and one life alone. Today you are here, tomorrow you are gone. No one knows the minute or the hour when your name is going to be called. Let us think, and think positively at all times. Every breath we take, we are to be thankful. We never know what we have until we lose it forever. It is very painful—we do not really like to lose our loved ones. But let us remember that the Lord gives, and he do taketh. Let us all continue to pray and pray for one another, our brother and sisters and loved ones, because we do not know what we all go through. Let us all keep each other at the foot of the cross and continue to love and respect each other.

Nathan R. Williams, Jr.

TIME

Life is too short and time, it’s precious. Negative affirmation only decays your time of living. Live life longer, putting our time into positive health for a longer lifespan for our time. Do it now, before it’s too late because time don’t wait for no one.

I NEED SLEEP

Grey sky’s running wild. Sleeping in my bed, cold. Saying, I don’t want to wake up, 4 more minutes, momma I don’t want no drama Ten more minutes, momma. As I’m listening to the raindrops I finally found my peace.

WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND?

I created a world where I’m safe from the outside, but how I’m feeling on the inside is making me sick. I don’t trust to give you my all on how I’m feeling deep within. Some scars heal. Others don’t. But giving up is not an option. Stay true.

CHANGES WE FACE EVERYDAY

Beware of yourself. We are faced with the same opportunity. How often does it have to be? Remember us all. And one more thing: The time has taken all of us. We realize the moment of joy. Does it reflect on how we live with some actual words of kindness? Behold—we have ourselves to think: Do it the right way now.

MY OWN PAST EXPERIENCE

Look for the obvious experience when needed. Don’t change your own way of thought, stay more than positive, focus your mind on one thing, believe your past experience will never change the past. Show no mercy, fulfill your experience requisite upon the mission. Lies don’t matter without feeling or anyone’s past experience.

Be my own past experience. Experience your own experience.

Jesus Rosado

THE BRIGHTNESS

Short of becoming famous the brightness of love comes first and foremost before anything else. No mercy for the public, and the public seems to know why it’s becoming serious for a lot of us. Brightness comes back, be more alert. The short span of brightness conquers all. Leave the brightness behind. Look for the bright of life. Search for the brightness of love. Let the end become an important factor. What is then is now—goodbye, Brightness.

THE CALMNESS AROUND ME

The calmness of light seems so real. Nothing has yet been scarier than the thunder and lightning. Why did I feel the effects of lightning? Lighting is very dangerous when it strikes.

FLY HIGH LIKE A FEATHER For Elijah, Shalese, and Jayden

Fly high like a feather

Like a bird in the sky

Spreading my wings like an eagle moving in the wind

Like angels in heaven singing beautiful hymns so high in the sky

Feel the air against your body and imagine you begin like a feather in that wind—so nice, gentle, soft, and smooth as you move Fly high, fly high. Never let the heavy windstorms lighten your wings

Do go thru those storms, take a moment to gather yourself again

And then fly high again—

Fly high, fly high.

Everything that has tried to stop you from touching the sky

Is not stronger than the feathers and armor given to you to help you go thru the different seasons

Like a feather never stays on the ground, you was meant to fly high

Shine bright—there’s no limit to flying

Just fly, fly, fly high—my three heartbeats, there’s no limit to what you can do.

POEMS BY Nildi Avila

SOUL

Your soul is what keeps you in good spirit

Never let the bad of life take your soul

Soul is what keeps your heart warm not cold

Your soul is like a flower: got to water it with the wisdom, knowledge, and love Soul

your soul can’t never dim its lights if you don’t let it

I almost lost my soul due to allowing things and people to do damage in my life

I had to find my soul and spirit because I was going to turn on the world

Surviving your soul in the world isn’t easy but when you find that inner peace and the holy spirit, your soul will never die but live

Nildi Avila

A LETTER TO MYSELF

Dear Self,

You have come so far from where you used to be. I know things seem hard right now, but God has your back. You can’t give up on yourself or the spirit that was giving with you. It’s been times when you were just hard on yourself and threw in the towel—that’s not what you was made for, you was made for greatness. Your failures are what’s making you wiser and stronger, even when you don’t realize it.

When things gets dark for you, remember the battles you’ve been in. You have walked that milestone and are no longer where you used to be. Never allow people, places, or circumstance to get you to a place where you don’t value yourself and say, fuck it all. You been there—never again. There’s so much to give yourself. Take back what has been given to others. Love you more, because you never gave up on yourself, the world.

I’m proud of you. You’re doing a good job but have to feel that about yourself, because you made it, Queen, never quit. God is your armor and safe haven. He never gave up on you, so don’t give up on yourself. You’ve got this. Never walk by sight, but by faith. No matter what, walk because your kids need you, I need you. You’re higher than you know and higher than birds, even though you’re on the ground. Quitting isn’t an option. The devil is a liar. The little things you do show that you’re not a quitter but a warrior. Shine, baby, your time is coming. Show your positivity to others and be kind to yourself. Never give up.

This is a letter to myself. Never a failure, but a GOLDEN PRIZE.

UNTITLED

Thinking sometimes can be like a horse race, just keeps going and going, but you have to learn how to control the way you think about yourself, the way you think about things that surround your inner being. Sometimes I don’t like to think, but then I stop and think, Hey Nildi, you come a long way. Lonely nights, unlovely words towards you or on yourself…you’re a jewel, so just think about all the good days, sunny sky, even in the darkest waves. I’ve bloomed into a butterfly, so never think that you can’t make it. You inspire so many without thinking that it’s possible, showing others that opinions don’t matter, but the way God thinks about you does. Thinking is just an emotion, knowing for sure in your mind thinking is no longer a battle.

Michael Williams

COMING AROUND

I thought it was too hard, but it’s really easy. It took some time, but I finally graduated. Sometimes in life you have to say goodbye to the things you know and say hello to the things you don’t know. Life is finally coming around.

THE PROGRAM

I had come full circle. It was time for a change. And a change has come. The change being that I am in a new program. In this new program we get it popping. I mean we help everybody. We must win the day. Because if we win the day, the night will take care of itself.

UNDERSTANDING

Some people understand in the beginning… Some people understand in the middle… And some people understand in the end… That all people are good. That some people lose their way. But in the end, deep down inside, all people are good.

BLUEPRINT

A blueprint for life: Take responsibility and be considerate. That means: have your own mind and think of others as well, because in this world everyone has to learn on their own. Might makes right and weakness gives way to the moment.

POEMS BY Dudley Joey Moss

PEACEFUL AT THE TABLE

Work. Peace. Decision. The world is a table.

Happiness. Sadness. Prayer at the table.

Thanksgiving at the table.

Christmas at the table.

Family at the table for holidays and eating grateful.

Thanksgiving at the table.

Decisions made at the table.

Holidays at the table.

HELP

Help is help. Ask for help.

If you know better, you do better. Anything you need help with, ask. Go ask someone who can help you. A closed mouth will not get fed without help. To get help, open your mouth. Ask for help. Help, help. You know, be grateful for help, help.

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

Living the dream. A new way of life. Clean, sober, and grateful. You never know what’s going to happen in your life, and you have to accept it. Move on.

Pray through storms that blow.

Try to do different things instead of drinking and drugging: church meetings, movies, Broadway shows, and walking to exercise.

Loving myself.

Be happy cooking.

Being grateful for a roof over my head, food on my table, money in the bank and in my pocket.

I am grateful.

I count my blessings, with 19 years clean and sober. I lived to use and used to live.

Jesus, take care of me. Count your blessings.

POEMS BY Wilhelmina Love

JOURNEY TO NOWHERE

For a long time, I’ve been searching for life. I am always afraid of life because I was never given anything in my precious years to know how to deal with life as an adult. If I was given these proper tools as I was growing up, it would make life a lot easier for me today. For a long time, I was complaining and crying about the past.

It took me fifty-eight years to finally forgive and let go of my past, knowing that no matter how much I talk and cry about it, it’s not going to change anything. Right now, I am just grateful for what I have. I’ve been told that I’ve accomplished a lot in the times when I was homeless, but I do not see it that way. I guess the reason why is because it was never recognized in society.

THE SCENT OF A WOMAN

What is a woman to me? In my own opinion, a woman is the beauty of the world. She is also very powerful and is capable of doing wonders. She is able to reproduce and bring life into the world.

In the olden days, men and women were given certain duties, such as, the women’s duty to take care of the children or it’s the women who are supposed to stay home and maintain the cleanliness of the home. In those days women worked round the clock and never had time to rest.

Times have changed and today women and men share the same roles. There are still certain inequalities men and women still have. Women get less pay doing the same job as a man. Maybe one day society will wake and treat men and women as equal.

REDEFINING CHRISTMAS AT THE ALLIANCE

I’ve had many struggles during my hardship growing up. Even though I’ve been hurt for so long and never been given anything as I was growing up I still have a “Heart of Gold.” Because of the fact that I was never given or taught anything during these precious years, I have no sense of value for anything. So eventually I give everything away with no regrets. Sometimes when I do give my property away, I say to that person that if they don’t take it, they’ll probably miss it more than I would.

When I first came to the Alliance for Positive Change, every day was like Christmas. If it weren’t for me, everyday wouldn’t be “Christmas” at the Alliance for Positive Change. I am able to reach out to clients who are suffering from trauma, stress, or depression.

Even though I am not able to make myself smile, I can make others laugh or cry with my deep words.

I’M MY MUSE TRUE INDEED

True indeed!

I’m this poetic Apollo creed!

I’ll make your life rocky!

My poetry is precise, Joe, your poems are sloppy!

Paint pictures with scriptures, And I’m hard to copy

Are you mad that your wife calls me Poppy?

Or are you mad because you drive that 1975 jalopy?

I’m ecstatic, while you live somewhere in hell

I ain’t buying your bullshit, even if it’s on sale

You like a goldfish man

And I’m a killer whale

Ass backwards way of thinking in comparison you pale

You got mental chips, but I believe your chips are stale

Let me paraphrase my statement

Man, I’ll kick your tail

Who wants what? Get mad

I kick butt and leave the fight scarless

I have gold skin like King Tut

Poem is now done

Spit acid for fun, And remember you can’t be locked up For using your mental gun

TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE

If I said it I meant it.

Don’t know god yet, so I haven’t repented. Life is a maze, so sometimes our thoughts are cloudy or hazed. Sometimes I don’t leave my apartment 4 days.

But when I do get myself up and out, I make the world pay. I need to get adjusted from the boring day-to-day. Because when you walk with no god, you are bound for disarray.

POEMS BY Harriet McNeill

(a.k.a. Star Heed)

FROM WOOLWORTH TO WORTH

Woolworth, as I was a little girl

Sticking close to my Moms

Because I never saw such a big store.

I saw hats, coats, candies, sweaters

I saw books, scarves, gloves, and chips

I saw shoes, bags and people moving all around.

But what really caught my eyes

Was the candy: colored almonds

And the colorful candy buttons

That took my taste-buds away

Oh yes, that squirrel-nuts candy

That they sold was out of this world!

However now that time has changed.

Let me say this:

Nothing can compare to the home visits

To my Grandma’s house in the south—

The cooking, the cleaning, the laughing

Along with the jokes that came up

About the past as a little child

We would laugh and laugh and laugh

As I would pee in my pants

Because I could not move fast enough

To the bathroom down the hall in the back.

And even though Grandma is gone today

I do find a way

To laugh and joke with my own kids and grandkids

Now… I love it!

LIFE IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT

When you see your life in a different light

Sometimes people get the wrong idea

Sometimes people think that you think

That you are better than them

However, that is not always the case

How about it’s just the fact that

People outgrow you

Or you outgrow them

Either way you put it

Just don’t put attachments on me

For what people think

When I haven’t done anything to you

Because everyone’s adjustments to life

Are not the same

When dealing with the times of change

And the times of moving forward in life

You are you and I am I

We all are different—we look and act differently

Just don’t place my trust

On what other people say and do please

Because I see my life in a different light, Alright.

Harriet McNeill

HOLDING BACK

Holding words in, is like holding the world hostage

Because how else will people get to know the real you or not

Whenever people curse you

Do not curse them back

Whenever people hurt you

Don’t hurt people back

Whenever people cross you

Do not cross them back

Pray, meditate, and forgive

For in doing so

You will reap the benefits

Of the one who keeps your soul’s mind

Holding your spirit back

Is like holding yourself back

Holding your heart back

Is like holding your life back

Holding your feelings back

Is like holding your breath back

So please do not hold yourself back from advocacy

Because there is only one of you ever

To communicate to the world

Who you are and who you’re not

Just don’t hold back

VICTORY & DEFEAT

The victory of the joy

Of the heartbeats that beat

Waiting for the life to continue to be

How is it that life is so unpredictable

Like the seasons

Which change at any given moment

The victory of defeat

Of the heart that beats

Waiting for the life

That continues to spin painfully out of control

How is it that life is so unfair

With the seasons changing

At any given second

Whatever it is

Whether it’s a victory or a defeat

Go for it with everything you’ve got

Because life is full of many challenges

That go from up to down, downs to ups

However, just remember

That each side has its

Benefits and promises

As well as lessons

And as the song goes

Life is good and then we die

So be grateful for both sides of the coins

Because God has eyes on us

POEMS BY

(a.k.a. Star Heed)

06/33/2019

“ADVOCATE FOR THE RAIN”

The rain washes the atmosphere. It cleanses the air. It brings it with change. I think that’s the reason why people resent the rain; most people resent change. They don’t like it. Rain calms moods and attitudes. Rain is also a test on an individual’s determination: am I going to go out and get things done or exercise my prerogative and stay in bed? Rain also reminds us that we are made up mostly of water, not calm gentle breezes, not beautiful starry skies, not sunshine; water, which comes from the rain. The rain is a testament of things to come; it ushers itself to wash away waste, debris, trash. Fire cleanses by burning, but the rain washes the stains, burns, and scars away. If you stand or sit in the rain long enough, you will find that you de-stress, decompress, relax. You will find that you would be changed; you find that you would be cleansed.

05/23/2019

“WANDER”

Once I discovered that I had a purpose and that my life has value, there was a thirst to make up for lost time, to overcompensate for my lack of having a defined meaning. I was in a rush to fill up my emptiness, the results of my painful, numbing ignorance. The sun and faraway suns, which are the stars, are beautiful, but they are far away. They are indifferent. The moon’s painted on, idiotic smile is still grinning ear to ear whether I was content, happy, or joyful and it still stupidly grins when I was in pain bleeding all over myself and enemies. The stars shine bright, but they are cold and distant like the rich in their ivory towers. I search for my life in the cold, damp areas under the bridge of my soul. I always make my way to the same point that I had left. Ground Hog Day, in reverse sleepwalking fitfully backwards; looking down at my steps disappearing before my eyes. I shall wander no more.

03/14/2019

“THE OTHER SIDE OF INSTITUTION”

The light of the stars burn bright and light up the world in full, vivid color. Everything is lit and pure clarity and sharp contrast. I have learned to staple my darkness to my insides like a hernia operation and there it stays except it is I that have been stapled while my darkness is learning to adjust to the light. The complacency of my boredom means that I am in a good place in my life. “Life is good,” I can say. Living for the most part like a square, ordinary, yet extraordinary, I muse to myself that this is what an average life feels like; then I strive to enjoy it, the institutional prison of the mind is what breeds discontentment and dissatisfaction, doesn’t allow enjoying the moment. I’m free of something I know had a hold of me. As the healing of my traumatic life continues, the staples are loosening and are becoming part of my flesh. They will add to my many scars that I can feel like Braille.

POEM BY Luther Jarman

THE FEAR OF FAILURES!

I believe in going whole-hog or nothing at all. You either win or lose No use in having the blues. Go for it, go for it, is my theme. Things ain’t bad as they seem. You can’t have a wish you got to have a dream. You got to see yourself as a winner— A winner never quits, a quitter never wins! To give into failure is a sin.

POEMS BY Vladimir R. Best

FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is for healing of oneself not for the transgressor. Forgiveness is not part of my nature. Forgiveness is not due until the victim is good and ready to forgive. I will forgive but never forget.

LIFE IS A COOP

We live and love. We grow older. Some of us get wiser. Some stay the same. We become productive in life. Some aren’t that fortunate. We leave our mark in this world. Others leave a legacy, and it all boils down to— We all enter into this world to live, then to die.

THE AIR WE BREATHE

Breathing is a gift, and not a given right. Most of us take this simple task for granted.

It’s such a helpless experience when you struggle to breathe. You would do just about anything just to catch that new breath of fresh air, which we all need to sustain life. It all comes down to— there’s nothing better than a breath of fresh air.

Vladimir R. Best

AFFIRMATION FOR TODAY

You can live the life you’re living or you can choose the life you like. Cause at the end of the day, you’re gonna take whatever path would lead you to your Destiny.

IT’S GOOD BEING BACK

It’s so great to be back after such a long break to see all my Peers and staff so happy is that all it takes

Never thought I’d be back in this group so soon Oh, how I missed it and couldn’t wait to be here where I belong

Everything has changed but most remains the same like our way of living has taken a complete turn So what can we do but to live and learn and to be cautious of what not to gain

JUST FOR NOW

Just for now I’ll praise my higher power And be grateful for having another day above ground.

Just for now I’ll live life on a positive note And be kind toward others And leave that good mark on this world.

Just for now I won’t complain But I’ll be thankful for the precious gift of life For some wasn’t that fortunate to wake today.

And just for now I’ll live my life And enjoy every day like it’s my last For tomorrow is not promised Today is a gift and not a given right.

POEMS BY Iris Elizabeth Sankey-Lewis

WHY I WRITE

I am a writer I know this because The wind itself cannot resist Twiddling with leaves,

I write because reading nudges me As though I’m fitted for adventure, I write to exercise my rights Or passage with the Divine, I write because Stillness invites humility

I write to climb, to cruise To pause and screen as writers would Before the fog, I write to find refuge From darkened clouds, I write because it’s therapy so free,

I write to see clearer views of you and me I write to unravel thread of thoughts Strong enough to make amends, I write because writing is My second loyal friend,

I write to sift through sound and sense I write to merge words Fit for lovers of the art, I write because it’s bitter/sweet medicine From caring hands,

I write and my compass points And sails me safe from Fire Island And freedom reigns supreme.

DREAMS

I have known dreams Mirroring miracles that Flowed by while I was awake

I have seen dreams In the dark Shimmying like stars

I have held dreams of gem When beams of light on Wheels of time delighted my fancy

I have floated on dreams of mercy Recurring, and causing hope to rise And bloom itself as a flower

I have dared to dream And believe, and basked On a summer day in spring rain And felt kissed by morning dew

OF POETS

To stand With poets Great and small You will love them all.

To be seated With poets Archival Your muse entranced.

To dine With poets Sage and strong You’ll be seasoned.

To dream With poets Foresighted You will touch the world.

SOLIDITY OF RECOVERY

I will no longer connive At my own destruction

I saw the hounds No shelter found When I slid and clutched At slippery rocks that demoralize

I will no longer connive At my own destruction All my hope is to be free Those who have strived and rise I still can see However trodden on, I did not disappear So with mine eyes held to heaven skies, I shall survive.

POEMS BY Charles H. Waters

OPPORTUNITIES

I have a lot of courage and much strength at my age to seize the day. Live for the day. Make no provision. Smell the roses. Take the cash and let the credit go, cause if you grab something such as a chance— take advantage of it. Eagerly.

UNTITLED

Who am I? What do you see? I joined ASC* in the year of 1993.

Who am I? What do you see? A Black man standing here with HIV.

Who am I? What do you see? I had issues, an arrogant man with no priorities.

Who am I? What do you see? My issue dealt with addiction, anger, hatred, and dishonesty.

Who am I? What do you see? It was a wasted life smoking crack in a pipe.

Who am I? What do you see? Groups, staff, and Peers started to help me.

Who am I? What do you see? I would like to thank Brenda, Ramona, Manny, and others who help me. Who am I? What do you see? Not to forget it’s me.

Who am I? What do you see? New thinking. New beginnings. Yeah, that’s me.

Who am I? What do you see? My gratitude and respect. My integrity. Look at me. What do you see? A brand new man with the concept of reality. Look at me. What do you see? No stress. I’m blessed. I am at my best. Look at me. What do you see? Working my life through recovery. Look at me. What do you see? Me thanking you, my Alliance family.

* Note: ASC (AIDS Service Center) is the former name of Alliance for Positive Change.

UNTITLED

Don’t let people’s compliments get to your head and don’t let their criticism get your heart. My home is the light that shines through my window.

MERCY

Mercy, mercy me. I am living my life free, by his grace. Having peace in my soul will always give me mercy. When negative things have caught me in the wrong place and negative people are in my world, I ask God to please have mercy for them and me.

THE YEAR FOR ME

It’s time to do the right thing in life and keep going with my good. Keep my word to myself: My best is yet to come, my best is yet to come. Applying myself to be the best father and man. I can keep God in my life at all times.

THE DAY INTO THE NEW YEAR

I’m doing my best to do the right thing. I had a good New Year’s. My son came by for the weekend. It was good for us. It’s been a long time for us. Things take time.

IN THE GARDEN OF LIFE

I trust that my highest good is unfolding.

Before I begin my day, I pause for a prayerful moment and affirm that my highest good is unfolding.

I turn within and enter the silence devoting time and attention toward the unlimited peace and power of my source.

You can’t, you can’t, you can’t touch this.

The darkness some call our future! The madness in my head.

POEMS BY Fred Street

ENDEARING WRITING

I. A canvas of writing implanted on your heart is something beautiful—

There may be bumps and rough spots from your life’s challenges—yes!

The spaces where patience and care abide—

A community of believers together sharing a common purpose—striving toward a focused goal—will bring solace to all, concerning hope and love—

Through life’s challenges, such as healing, material comfort could bring immediate solutions to our problems—sometimes.

II. Take a few moments out each day, the canvas is being refurbished— lift up your endearing heart and mind— to your spiritual belief—

There’s many revisions and drafts on the writing of the canvas— keep writing—love has an enduring effect over time—understanding—

A single defect in character is enough to destroy a soul—

Our spirit knows our weaknesses but we work to overcome them sincerely—yes! We, as human beings, don’t control what might transpire in moments of time. Peace.

LIVING IN TRUTH

The more you live in the truth, the more your/my emotions will help us to see with clarity—yes!

Check the truthfulness of your/my paradigms, what you believe

Be willing to reexamine what you believe

We’re all flowers in a world of fulfillment to behold

Avoid extremes

MY FEMALE VERSION

Love everyone, despite a person’s position and always walk with God on your side by praying and helping others in every area of life. Have a pure heart and give to other people

H Helping

O Other

P People

E Excel in every area of their life

Do not give up on God and He will not give up on you. Thanks be to God.

More or less every trace of normalcy, has but gone

The purge of COVID-19 has left behind deadly consequences where we paid a heavy price

Of an attack where the squeals of the dead went unheard + spoke of

An aloneness of twisted dreams gone making us helpless + robbing our very souls

as it spreads quick + globally with little cause 4 joy we were scared + alone + its indifference + comprehensiveness stood the history of x as it revealed its truth by the barest economy + plain description that stripped us of our core + entangled the world

it claimed un-knowledged leaders quietly, persistent in its plan making its mark of tremendous power

Where there is No more comfort just waiting attentively

Hearing – some of us will die b4 our time of x a time of long gone kisses when things were defined as opportunities a way of a normal life you came + we looked for a chance 4 humanity

I’m going crazy as I remember the past Living 4 ever because as assault survivors we are….

RIP to all who passed b4 their x.

RESILIENT

Frame ur thinking + stop sacrificing ur thoughtfulness which no longer removes the waste from the body + has u responding emotionally. Seek the present + experience life’s lessons with active engagement + connectiveness turn over those triggers in the loop + focus on your reaction + situation allowing urself the freedom from lost regrets + past hurts + this x of self-confinement + a crisis that threatens humanity Find ur balance A pervasive uncertainty with no future in sight

DOUBT

Still

A body of light

Frees creativity

As the fog outside my windows

Leaves dew on the leaves

Tearing down walls

Of ticking clocks & city noises

U dash 2 write pages of self-conscious

Of ideas – that events depict a poem

No moods

No sufferings

Or matters of the <3 van Gogh knew of this

This alignment happens when Mystical union of words flow Into waves of resistance & hope

Putting focus on difficult journeys

Of buried dreams & constricted

Painful tears

Mourning self-abandonment

With emotional scars that are Placed in a quiet center

Invoking images of your identity

With the universe

That u are always bored in disguise

Disguised in fear

So take out your creative child

Speak of your dreams & hopes

Open yourself 2 inspiration in your Poems, of precious x’s when you Express your visions & images

These words in solitude

Will open 2 long walks

For your audience

A sunrise, a sunset allows others

2 feel the splendor of true intimacy

Where your creative singular image

Is 2 a wordless language of felt experience

Do not be a shadow artist

Push through that maze & create your distant dream

Nurture your inner child

Move into the light

& release your creativity

UNTITLED

When it rains I feel a washing of my spirt and soul

Everything beings to feel anew and not so old

My strength picks up pace and a smile comes to face

God is cleansing the Earth bringing back its worth

The amazing work of the Lord

As a child I always felt so loved and protected when it rained

It drowned out all the pain I used to feel as a child

And it still does

When it rains it gives me hope for a new beginning

TODAY

I struggle to accept my past wrongs I am guilty of it

It’s ugly when I look at it That was yesterday

It’s GONE

Now I fight to live my future right I know I can change

It’s beautiful when I vision it I can make it better That is today

It’s HERE

FREDDIE MAE

Freddie Mae! Freddie Mae! Very sweet and kind woman I must say!

She was born in Birmingham, Alabama

Raised in Detroit, Michigan

She was a seamstress could make house curtains with her hands

She never cussed but if you were wrong, she’d make a big fuss

She loved the Lord with all her Heart

Very quick, very sharp

How I miss my Freddie Mae

I thank God for the mother

He blessed me with

Taught me to be strong

Never give up, never quit

There so much to say about Freddie Mae, I would run out of words

Thank you Lord, there will never be another Freddie Mae

POEM BY Eugene Eppes

HERE AT THE ALLIANCE

Where I arose from my ashes, Like a phoenix, I made sure it was clear, so, everyone could see it, YEAH. Can I get a mic check? Is this thing even on? The Backbiters, Cheaters, Liars, Haters, the stigma-driving folks— the ones that make you feel bad about being yourself. The ones that can’t laugh, It hurts ’em when I smile. I just want to thank you for counting me out! The joke’s on you baby, you can’t count!

THE MIRROR AND ME

The mirror is my friend today, for yesterday I hated looking into one.

For each moment I take a minute to look into one…I see me— me: what I have become today.

For yesterday, and yesterdays past, are all gone… the ugliness, the hatred, the anger I kept built-up inside.

The mirror does not lie. It showed me me, for what I was— The person who had died…

Today I look and see the real me. It allows me to see the feelings I have inside, seeing all of what I put myself through the mirror shows my eyes: sadness, pain, scared.

But today I can look in the mirror, today I love what I see, what I have become, what I feel. Today, I see a heartful woman who needs not a painted face to see beauty, but a woman who has awoken to life. The mirror has taught me to self-love that person in the mirror. Today I am beautiful inside and out: “I am me, I love me some me.”

I need not live in yesterdays past. I need not allow others to rip my smile off my face. Mirror, mirror I love me some me.

AUGUST + SUMMER

August and Summer go together for me. August because it’s my birthday month. This year I turned 65. Wow. And summer because I love, love the hot sun. I enjoy each day I am allowed to rise up.

I am a walker. I rise up early, put on my walking sneakers, and head out. I sometimes pretend to be a tourist from far away, and explore different parts of the city or Brooklyn. There are many, many parts.

I enjoy the parks, the free concerts. I enjoy the ice-chip drinks—coconut’s my favorite. I sometimes wish it could always be summer—all year long. Born and raised by the beach, it was awesome. Summertime and August—my best time of the year.

RAIN

Rain…when I was a wee little one, I loved the rain. Playin’ in it just as long as there was not lightning nor thunder. Love the rainbow it leaves behind!

Puddles, puddles—I so loved splashing in them, especially on a hot summer day.

Best time ever

But today, the rain—I so don’t like it. It’s cold, it’s wet, it’s dreary. Makes me so depressed. It makes the day so long, it’s so dark. Yes we need the rain, it refreshes the ground, the water tanks. But day after day of rain is so depressing for me. Rainy days, I just sit home and watch the TV, catchin’ up on my TV shows.

But on real bad rain-days, I’m so scared because my mind plays tricks on me, the worst thoughts be running through my mind. Scares me ever so. Rain, rain. I don’t like it when it hits the windows, when the wind blows— I am so scared.

POEMS BY Rosa Velez

PRECIOUS WRINKLES

My wrinkles

Just a part of me

They are pathways

To my life

Pathways of my journey

In life

Crossed, Crissed crossed Narrow, wide, Never ending pathways

My wrinkles

Just a part of me

Not defining me

My hair, Sometimes thick, A little greyer

A little longer

A little stronger

Just like the journey And pathways, Destiny has taken me to

My wrinkles, Ahhhh….

My precious wrinkles

KNOW YOURSELF

Know yourself…

Enough to know

When to let go

Know yourself

Enough that the sun

Will still shine tomorrow

Know yourself

Enough to know

The sleepless nights, The memory lapses, The earthquakes of life W ill continue until you L earn to say…

“It is Done… It is Done.”

BY Rosa Velez

THE WATCHMAN

I’ve been acquainted with, The mysteries of night

The moon beaming Shining— Gives us a little path Of light Though the watchman’s Life, Passes him by Time stands still He watches over others Watching him Watching me—

What are we all staring at? Big brother Has time on his side—

Does he cry?

Does he laugh when he goes home, Or does he Go home?

Does he dream of the moments He could’ve been somewhere else?

Traveling maybe— Sleeping, quietly, on an island

I’ve been acquainted With these lonely nights,

The phone no longer rings W hen you want it to ring—

The ocean wants her Blanket back

Time stands still for all of us

No one to call him back, No one to say goodbye to—

On a cold dreary night

When the moon is shining bright And life— Keeps passing us by

As it did nights

Before… Yes, I too am The watchman

POEMS BY Azeem S. Khan

SMALL STEPS TO BIG VICTORIES

Because I am a canvas, Life has to paint on me With all its colors of trials, tribulations, and glory!

Don’t just put your foot in my shoes, take a walk in them.

You can soak up someone’s energy like a sponge, so be careful whose dishes you wash.

TABLE

I am new to this seat

But not to this table. I’m sure you’ve seen me when I sat in the distance, but now I’m up close and maybe a bit too personal for you. Maybe this threatens you?

But I have earned my seat at this table. And now I will feast.

THE…

The egg is cracked

The milk is spilled

The stitch is ripped

The thread has unraveled

The last straw was had

The line has been drawn

The camel’s back is broken

The nail is in the coffin

And the coffin is buried

HARVEST

The Harvest is Bountiful And should not be wasted. The Harvest is Bountiful And should be celebrated.

Azeem S. Khan

LESSON LEARNED

Karma is not about revenge, it’s about learning from a mistake for both parties involved. When someone hurts you and you say “karma will get them”— thinking the person will feel the hurt that they have hurt you, then you are no better than that person.

However, karma is there to teach that person the errors of their ways and remind you never to hurt someone the way you have been hurt.

TOMORROW

Today’s break is tomorrow’s breakthrough. Today’s chance is tomorrow’s change. Today’s smile is tomorrow’s laughter. And today’s tomorrow is the future.

CATCH YOUR BREATH

Life is like a carnival some colors dark, some colors bright, and some colors you can only dream of at night.

Floats and costumes dancing by each one grander than the next all the while I am wondering, How can one person carry the weight of that float or costume?

But I guess you don’t get all dressed up in your sequins, rhinestones, and feathers Without the determination to cross the finish line, while spreading joy to others along the way, occasionally stopping to catch your breath.

HUMAN-ANIMAL, ANIMAL-HUMAN

I wish I was a dog sometimes, dogs love unconditionally. Humans talk about loving unconditionally. Humans judge. Animals just love.

POEMS BY Rufino Colón

In Memoriam: 1945–2022

LION

He thought of himself as lion, but didn’t become one until he found out he was a lamb.

THE SOFT ANIMAL IN ME

The soft animal in me Is the one who knows how to love you for being you.

The soft animal in me is the one that barks at the moon just because it’s there.

The soft animal in me likes the smell of freshly cut grass.

The soft animal in me loves the bloom of spring.

Rufino Colón

In Memoriam: 1945–2022

THE GREAT THINKERS OF THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY

You know, the ones who think that if you don’t give out condoms, young people won’t have sex. You know, the ones who think that if you don’t give out clean-needle kits, people won’t shoot drugs. You know, the ones who think that if you don’t think a certain way, you’re an enemy of the state. You know, the ones who think that if you don’t praise their God, you are going to hell. You know, the ones who think that if you don’t love who they think you should love, you’re a sinner. You know, the ones who think that if you don’t love war for the sake of your country, you’re unpatriotic. You know, the ones who think that HIV/AIDS was God’s punishment for our sins.

CHILD IN BORINQUEN

I remember when I went to Puerto Rico I thought I was in heaven because it was summer all the time and I could play all day.

In the morning, the alarm clock was roosters singing their heavenly machismo.

The smells, oh the smells! Smells of all colors, flower-colors, candy-colors, and one I’ll never forget—the smell of coffee.

At night, I would lay on my back and look up to the sky and it was so black, sparkling with diamonds of all sizes.

I smiled like I knew a secret. Then God winked at me, letting me know that all good things are free.

POEMS BY Robert Kirk James

In Memoriam: 1955–2022

POETRY

To me, poetry is like you get in your own world by yourself, you sit down & your mind gets into yourself, you start writing what you are feeling inside yourself. You feel good that you are expressing yourself on how you are feeling about poetry—about yourself.

I BELIEVE

What I believe in life is that everybody in this life, everybody in this world, is different. We don’t take care of ourselves, we do what he or she do, what we have to do in life to survive, what we have to do in life to take of ourselves in this world. That’s what I believe.

CREATIVE WRITING

Roses are red violets are blue we come to Creative Writing on Tuesdays for an hour to read and write with Rosa & Azeem. For that one hour, that was a positive change for us—and that is the beauty of it.

THANKING TIME (PANDEMIC POEM)

I thank time for being alive & still enjoying life the way it is today. Sometimes we get ups & downs, but that’s the way life is.

POEMS BY Donald Terrell

In Memoriam: 1961–2019

LETTER TO MY SIX LITTLE DOVES

The light blue sky is upon all of you

The stars at night shall be yours

To comfort all of your sweethearts

Almighty God is your true father

But I’m just a shell of love

I love all of you with all my mind, heart, body, and soul

TEACHERS OF LOVE

Teacher, teacher show me now Teach me the ways of love

Love, true love comes from the heart

When you’re young You’ll understand how

To pass on the meaning of the heart Comes from the stars up above

So, teacher, now that I’ve learned The meaning of love, it’s time for Me to pass it on

REWARDS

Triumph is the essence of every life

Carry out the task with belief in your heart

The ecstasy is a part of your commitments of life

Joy and strife is the pathway to your travel in life

So foresee the essence of true love

You therefore rejoice in life

And have faith with the blessing granted by God.

FRUSTRATED

I am a little frustrated today, but it is better than before. I am a little frustrated today, but no need to go to war. My life is not as bad as I think. In fact, the aroma does not stink. What I go through I must not fear. God is in charge, I hold him near. I want you all to know it’s true. God loves you, you, and you.

So, my frustration is a small thing because I ride on an angel’s wings, and she floats me through everything

A HUMAN OPINION: IF I COULD SEE GOD!

I am not worthy, and I know it’s true the way I have lived my life was not to follow you. I’ve been bad and I know it’s real, but if I could see God I would know it’s all true. All the things I’ve read, and the stories told. I wish I could see God before I get too old. If I should die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul he should take. I ask forgiveness for all my sins. If I could see God it would be a meaning to my perfect end.

Amen.

POEMS BY Wellington Pinder

In Memoriam: 1964–2022

WHAT ABOUT ME AND MY LIFE?

What about me and my life? I want something better for me and I will be mad if I don’t get my needs, I will outburst, I am frustration at times. No, I don’t mean to be frustrated. I’m trying to create myself and live a BETTER life.

I SHOULDN’T BE AFRAID

I shouldn’t be afraid of songs that speak to my heart. I will be playing music on any phone even with my headphones blasting. I shouldn’t be afraid to pay attention and avoid some people. I’m living, but not just for today. I’m living for every day and so I can see the next era.

POEMS BY Grace Peterson (a.k.a. Poetic) In Memoriam

MY BLUEPRINT (HOW I WAS MADE)

I made her because I love her. She is different. She is unique. With love, I formed her in her mother’s womb. I fashioned her with great joy the day I created her. I love her smile. I love her ways. I love to hear her laugh and the silly things she says and does. She brings me great pleasure—this is how I made her:

I made her pretty and not beautiful, because I knew her heart and she would be vain. I wanted her to search her heart and to learn that it would be me in her that would draw friends to her. I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be, only because I need her to depend on me. I know her heart. She would go her own way and forget about me, her Creator. I’ve given her good and happy things because I love her. I’ve seen her broken heart and the tears she’s cried alone. I cried with her and had a broken heart too. Many times, she’s cried alone—she’s stumbled and fallen alone, only because she would not listen to my voice or hold my hand. She’s learned the hard way, she’s gone her merry way alone, only to return to me sad and broken.

Now she’s mine. I love her. I have to remold and reshape her. She is my image, and she has a high goal that I have set for her.

LIFE

What is Life?

Life is the air you breathe. Life is the sun that shines. Life is the moon that sets.

Life is the trees, the birds, and the sea.

Life is living ironic feelings, elevating. You see, Life is we, not just me. Live, love, laugh, and leave— That’s the facts of Life.