April 2024 Special Needs Living Magazine

Repeat After Me: I’m A Good Mom.

BY SUMMERLY ROWLANDS

There’s too much to do.

“Mom, can you play?”

I don’t have the energy. There’s not enough time in the day.

She needs me to rock her.

He can’t cope if not in my arms.

She’s screaming louder and louder. Will he ever find calm?

My job is to protect. My job is to guide. My job is to listen.

Add the sports, Add the school functions, Add it all up.

But don’t forget medical appointments and medical bills, it’s all piling up.

No one cares, there’s no one to help, I feel frozen and stumped.

I doubt my strength, question my will, what was I put on this earth to do?

Well, that’s easy. Yes, it’s hard. But nothing’s ever been clearer.

Feed Clean Work Yawn

But then

Hug Kiss Squeeze Love

I’m a good mom. I’m a good mom.

Repeat after me. Don’t let your head outspeak your heart.

There are days where I question, “Am I ever enough?”

I just look at my kids, I break down, but I am tough.

I will rock her, and I will hold him. Her sounds are quieting down. He’s calm and I’m calmer, we read each other and react to one another.

My job is to protect. My job is to guide. My job is to listen. AND I AM. AND I DO.

Add the sports, Add the school functions, my schedule is a zoo.

But I love it, I’m here for it, And I’m here for them, too.

Yes, there’s medical appointments, and more bills than I can say, But I do what I must, and My advocacy outweighs.

When I feel like no one cares, I think, so what if it’s true?

There’s little hands and little feet That absolutely, surely do.

I may doubt my strength, And I may question my will, but when I ask myself - what was I put on this earth to do?

Well, that’s easy. Yes, it’s hard.

But nothing’s ever been clearer.

Feed Clean Work

Yawn

But then

Hug Kiss Squeeze Love

I’m a good mom. I’m a good mom.

Repeat after me. Don’t let your head outspeak your heart.

I’m a good mom. I’m a good mom.

You’re repeating to yourself What they’ve known from the start.

To be completely transparent, there’s always going to be a struggle whether your child is typical or not. I do find myself unsure of my worth and confused some days, but I know just how important my job as a mom is, and I could never imagine myself without this title. When I talk to other parents, when I talk to my partner, when I talk to my family, when I talk to my therapist, the one thing that can bring me to my deepest darkest fears - yet my truest, most astounding accomplishments - it’s my kids. Nothing makes me more emotional, nothing makes me braver, nothing makes me stronger. I will do anything for them at any cost. I will fight. I will advocate. I might cry - we all do. But they are my world and I’m lucky enough to know that I am theirs, too.

My name is Summerly, I’m the mom to toddler Izzy Snow, a 22q warrior, along with my elementary aged boys, Elijah and Kameron. I am always open to talk. Never hesitate to reach out. I’m in this with you.

I do find myself unsure of my worth and confused some days, but I know just how important my job as a mom is, and I could never imagine myself without this title.