“There’s no difference in love whether you’re young or old,” says 87-year-old Mary Faucett, who met her husband when they were both in their 60s. “If you love someone, you love them.” � While many couples over 50 express this sentiment of love and romance, others tend to have a more realistic expectation and overall view of their later-in-life relationships, than when they were younger, says Ken Clark, a marriage and family therapist at Chenal Therapy.
“The advantages of later-in-life marriages is that we know what we need and what we want,” Clark says. “It’s not just about the butterflies. It’s more about, does this person care for me and take care of me? But, it’s not settling by any means.”
Mark Krain, PhD and University of Arkansas at Little Rock (UALR) sociologist and gerontology professor, says as life expectancy continues to increase--now in the late 70s for men and early 80s for women--it sets the stage for individuals to look for companionship later in life, even after a life-changing event, such as divorce or death of a spouse.
“People in their 50s and 60s have quite a life ahead of them,” Krain says. “And,
By Eric A Sw EE n E y pho T ography by brian chilson
married people live longer and have less stress,” says Robert Morgan, PhD and chairman of the UALR Department of Psychology. Morgan met his wife when he was 49. He says these advantages also include couples who are in long-term committed relationships but not married.
Christa Zawislak, now 70, met her husband, Ray, in 2007, when she attended what she thought was an event put on by her regular singles’ Sunday school class at St. James Methodist Church in Little Rock. When she arrived, she was surprised to not recognize anyone. She took a seat in the back near the door so she could “duck out,” if needed, she says.
“Sometimes you have to jump into something new,” says Christa, who was a widow. “As you get older, you’ve got to keep fun in your life.”
class turned out to be a divorce support group, which Ray, also 70, often attended. The Zawislaks dated for a year before getting married.
“We started talking and didn’t quit,” says Christa, who moved to Arkansas from Germany in 1961. The pair found they were “on the same page spiritually,” she says. They were also close with their families and, between them, have four children and six grandchildren.
“We love each other and share our life,” Ray says.
Sometimes you have to jump into something new; you’ve got to
many are reluctant to spend that time alone. With people living longer, there are a lot of people who will be looking for partners in mid and late life. It is not the youthful idea of romance or sex. It’s the idea of companionship, of not sleeping alone, not spending an evening alone.”
“There is compelling evidence that
After a few minutes, a man sitting next to her literally picked up his chair and moved across the room. As soon as he did, Christa said she looked up and saw Ray, who noticed her as well.
Ray slid Christa’s chair, with her in it, closer to him. “I thought she looked pretty good,” he says. “It was meant to be.” The
Bill and Linda Conrad met on match. com. Linda, who was divorced, says she was reluctant at first to set up an online dating profile. She was eventually convinced by her co-workers, who thought she worked too much, but refused to post a photo to her profile. Bill, who was also divorced, says his daughter set up his match.com profile after convincing him he wasn’t going to meet anyone out on his fishing boat.
One night, Linda was working late and noticed Bill, who was using the computer at his local library at that very moment. So, she “winked” at him through match.com. Both say it was a miracle they were online at the same time that night because they