from The Arkansas Banker Spring 2024

ST. LOUIS FED SELECTS ALBERTO MUSALEM AS

Latrecia Carroll | President | Emerging Leaders Section

Let’s face it, tackling hard conversations is not for the faint of heart. Experts agree that we are wired to avoid confrontation. I will be the first to admit that I often dread confrontation, but it is crucial for success as a leader. Even with a rockstar team, difficult conversations are sometimes necessary. You might hesitate to approach because you’re unsure of the employee’s reaction. While your fear is valid, avoiding them sends a message that current actions are acceptable. These challenging conversations also prevent issues from growing and affecting other team members. There are approaches we can use to make hard conversations a little easier.

If you need to address a challenging issue, check your mental state. Don’t jump headfirst into the height of emotions; it only makes issues worse. Spend time sorting through your feelings, then pushing them aside. Ensure your concerns don’t arise from an exhaustive mental state.

Prepare yourself for the conversation; the more you prepare, the better it should go. Write down your concerns and propose solutions. Vent about the issue to a trusted friend or colleague, sharing the good, bad, and ugly. Take feedback to help prepare your words. Talking through it with others allows you to see an objective perspective, turning it into a compassionate and connecting conversation instead of accusations and defensiveness.

Be open-minded to different points of view during difficult conversations. Try to understand the other person’s perspective by imagining yourself in their shoes. Walk through the experience through their eyes, attempting to understand their emotions, triggers, and desires. This triggers empathy and self-awareness. At the same time, don’t let the issues fester. Take heart and go. It might not be pleasant, but the goal is to deliver in an honest, fair way.

When you decide to carry out the conversation, make room for the person to talk. Always be willing to listen more than you talk. The worst thing you can do is speak over them and refuse to hear them out. People want to know they’re being heard. You don’t have to agree with them, but at least acknowledge their point of view. There should be a sense of respect in your tone. Be specific with the issue and clarify that it’s not with the person, but a certain behavior.

The conclusion to any hard conversation is follow-up. Set ground rules for moving forward. Make your intentions clear and get acknowledgment from the other person. Offer resources that could help them improve or correct the issue at hand. Always recognize their efforts to make progress. Emphasize your willingness to help them succeed and reach their goals. Failure to follow up could cause the behavior to creep back over time.

Difficult conversations promote positive change and strengthen team culture. Remember, everyone is battling their own problems. People aren’t always aware of the impact their behavior has on the entire team or organization. Take a deep breath, prepare, and approach the conversation with empathy to find a resolution. Always look at the bigger picture.