The Record Newspaper 30 June 1988

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umber 2590

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... AS O E MEETS AUSTR A'S JEWS tini n terrorism", Gro z said.

values th t led to Hitler's murderou campaign directed tov ·ard the annihilation of European Jewry,' Gro z id. · 'e must cont t all endeavours to ma e banal the unique tra dy of the [ev in the hoah or to equate it w 'th other e\ en o this vil riod," he adde .

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ecord Anyone debating whether one year's feast day cele ration is much like another or whether the Church's liturgy celebrates God's intervention in history has pie ty to ponder with this year's observance of the feast of Sai ts Pe er a d Paul.

It firstly maintains the tradition of bei g a distinctly Roman and Catho ic ce ebration both in ome and in the wider Churc world.

It as implications far beyo d the visib e frontiers of the Ro an Catholic Church today, fo examp e · the o reg lar ower g exc ange of greeti gs and de egatio s from e O odox Patriarc of Co sta tino e o reversed the procedure ast ove ber a d was a guest at he Vatica for fore days o e feast of St A drew and who will send represe o o e this vveek.

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7

KNOW YOUR FAITH

Way to fight ...

We can expect losses in

our li,es, but our reactions ue not always predictable.

Depending upon their magnitude and our O\\-TI strength. we deal with some lo-..,(-:, well while others stav with us a long time hurting off and on.

Death, divorce and terminal illness rallv the community's grief· But we \\'PCP alone over other lo ses, for in. lance the loss when a friendship ends, Denise and Virginia were surr e-sful in their bunking careers.

Thcv " re also good friends I saw them together frequently at civic and prof ional m ling.., Then I began to "" Virginia alone and asked if her friend had moved

a,,a .

"\tm,�1 on," Virginia responded, her eyes telling me this was not casv to accept.

Later. over coffee. Virginia related the story of the lo.-,.s of her friend.

She explained that when they first became

By Jane Wolford HUGHES close lriends, she realised that Denise was "a drifter. moving from person to person. telling her story mer and over; changing friends, jobs, apartments and even husbands".

But Denise told Virginia that she felt she had "at long last found a true friend".

"We had so mu .h in common," Virginia said.

"Our interest in finance, the shared challenge of being women in a mal · dominated field. even reaching 40 in the same year Then. Virginia continued. Demse asked for a transfer to the bank's mortgage section and became evasive about meeting for lunc.h later. using the e cuse of h,•r

new responvibrluics.

"Her rejection created an invisible wound that continued to fester," Virginia said.

She took her pain to the Lord asking that"! would be able to forgive the ficlJen of my friend

Loss can make people feel "incredi· bly isolated", says Father Herbert Weber.

But there are ways to help a person recovering from loss to o¥ercome such isolation. "for those whose faith li¥es are intertwined, p in still is felt but it is not suffered alone," he

say�.

just as he had long ago".

Virginia called Denise a couple of times. But their conversations "were as bright as ice", Virginia said.

Then she and Denise attended the same corporation party. "! tried to appear nonchalant," Virginia said, "but I was crackling with the lightning of anger that had no place to go but to tear me.

It was pointless to direct it to her," Her anger was cleansing. Virginia said, for she decided that evening to let it go. •;-..;ow I understand the [ournev of loners," she said, "Thev travel light." .

Brian suffered a different Ins.,. but he felt just as solitarv when he lost hes job as an electrical engineer during a cornpany merger.

"I wanted to be quiet and alone," he said "I needed time to put myself together" Mer looking for three months, he remained unemployed. When his

wife, Marion, found a full-time secretarial position, he became the caretaker of their three children and the house.

"I wasn't very good al it, I was so preoccupied and scared," Brian said, "Marion was wonderfully understanding, but her family did not share her faith in me. Their accusations of 'giving up' and 'being lazy' were shattering the spirit I had left."

Marion encouraged Brian to go back to college for retraining. His previous education and experience proved to be a great foundation for a new field of data processing repair Eventuallv Brian found a job with ·a solid future in a large corporation.

He said he would try lo forget the year of unemploym nt e , ept for two thing, "\1drions belief in me and what I learned about rnv-elf - that with God's help I can properly battle life's problems."

'Tm a different, stronger person now and know you're never so alone as vou think," he said. ·

•••

Comp led by NC News SeMce

a bittersweet reminder

Mother's Day 1988 was a bittersweet day for me. For the first time in many months the family gathering included only my hw> sons, my young dau,hter and me.

It reminded us of the manv times we had celebrated happrly together in previous years. It also brought home to us how our family has changed and will continue to alter in the years to come For my famil} is at the end of an era. Within the next four months my two sons will rnarrv and change the strur ture of our family life forever For me, m), sons' marriag,·, represent a Ins., the loo, of comfortable

patterns of relating which we have built up over the years. It probably means my sons will need me less for emotional upport, that they will have less time for me.

But their marriages also present a challenge. the challenge of ho" to relate to two interesting young women. of learning how to cherish them and to make them feel

welcome in rnv farnilv , ircle. · ·

It will be a challenge as well to relate to m1 ,on, in their OC\\' role ifl their own families.

Pcrhap,, becau of my own experience, Judith \'iorst\ book on loc, captured m\ attention.

adapt to loss shapes the person we become.

However, as experience tells me and Mrs Viorst admits. growth doesn't come or easily automatically, For some people, growth doesn't come at

more self-reliant and independent.

• Someone who has taken a loss in income and learns to make finances stretch may come to a new apprecialion of the biblical call to live simply.

For others, growth com at the cost of anguish and hard work.

Often it is apparent only from a distance: As ad people look back on a � ... ugh Mrs Viorst given experience, they pa a bleak pie lure of recognise that a loss has h1 she is quick to led to personal growth. obw that loss can Some exarnpl : ha some • ,, person who mo, a1 Jen.Salions. to a new cit, awav from roughout our life a I vinR network of " w b1 giving up," fri nds and farnilv mav II ) The "a" we be forr.ed to �m�

• A person whose health is fragile may be more in tune with the spiritual dimension of life. Through reading spiritual classics or keeping a journal, the person may feel closer to the Spirit than before.

Another benefit of loss is gained over time.

People gradually learn that they can deal wtth loss and that something positive may ultimately result from it.

By KatharinelRD

The popular poet and author wrote ":-a:. ry Losses" (Simon and Schuster, 1986) in 1981 \1rs Viorst approach loss as a basrc fac:t of life People first experience it as infants when the are thrust out of the warmth and securitv of their mother's womb into thr cold world. she says.

That imtial experience is only the beginning of a continuing C.f'riC\ of !°" , that end, onlv with our deaths, \!,;, Viorst say».

Th I im·vitabh include tho death of a family member somewhere along the line.

Mrs Viorst pomts out

thpeople can expect to

exnence many other kis of losses as well,

F instance, the} eventu.y nave to "lose" some cl e romantic illusions t�tbey enter marriage wi and also the notion tll they can protect ch.ren from I 'We gi,up certain cherished pa of ourselves," she

aU.

When und standing 11 comes I circle 1

She said the feeling was - of endless emptiness.

Nothing made sense. The baby that Jane and her husband had waited tor could feel kickin& in her -,b just a week earlier - was no more.

She had known the baby as only a mother could. Her husband had shared the Joys of the new life growing within her.

But instead of celebrating new life the pa.rents were mourning because their baby had been stillborn.

Although I know that every loss IS hard. I fear that I underestimated the

pain of the p1•nts whose child had 'ied [ust hefore birth.

To me the lossWIS 'ot so with the P""ls; certainly not so n the mother.

Lots of svm�etic friends offered Janfree advice on how toope: "Trv to have ailher baby. Mavbe it is Iller this- way. Your •by didn't have to sum When I tailed rith Jane, I found that well-meant by 1.it. reeled messages � not help her deal with bat to her was a totalh fair action on God's

Then a woman in the parish who had survived the ,;ame tragedy stopJll'<l to visit Jane. They tal.ked and picked up strength from Dee's ability to understand.

Soon another woman came forward. A small support system began.

Often losses and the pain that flow,; from those losses can make someone feel incredibl isolated.

The mistale that others may make is to assume that just because a l"'s is personally dl'Vastatin�. it also needs to be felt alone.

There are ways to

Psy,chologists tell us that making chang,,s .tr people are uncomfortable live, at the thought of civin up In part thi.s is • ' cl their accustomed ways of doing things and their venturinR a,,·a� llm patterns of thi kin . tt isa familiar habit< loss of self that is fund From lime to 11\f> - a loss of what people people have an t Ing currently recoenise to be that it might to "thernsel,es". explore, ·hat fortH,a.s The fear of such a I""' yet, are uncharte.l lhs can funchon powerfully to growth and I ter to impede people from maturih,

Strangely enough. it i., fear that can keep people from growing - even from gro"ing awa from familiar wcakn and bad hab1Ls to whirh the are accustomed For Chnshan�. fear is therefore amonR the factors that can slow conversion do,vn.

People have a sneaking suspicion that it is risky

mewhat

anonyous.

bridge the gap between individuals which build solidarity. Like to-like ministry, where one who has gone through a situation particular reaches out to another in the same circumstances, is an example of such solidarity.

Many groups have been organised this way including adults abused as children; cancer patients; parents of teenage suicides; children of alcoholics; single parents.

The bonding between group members can help the afllicted person share ,vith others at a deep level.

Some people view loss as a basic fact of life. But loss, painful though it is, can be an occasion for personal growth. As author Judith Viorst observes, "throughout our life we grow by giving up".

By Father Herbert WEBER

But it would be simplistic to think that only those who have suffered in an identical way could be a ministerial assistance to another. A smallgroup faith community can provide the same support.

When Daniel was a teenager, his father died.

Although his older brothers cried openly and talked freely about their loss, Daniel remained quiet and controlled,

The first couple of years were very difficult. Then be buried his pain in the busyness of high school and university.

Gradually, however, Daniel started to trust others at his church.

Priests and lay parish staff who were good listeners started to fill a void for Daniel.

Through them and other parishioners an informal support system developed Daniel was able to complete his grieving in a healthy way.

Whenever a church allows faith lo be e.xpcrienced as a boncling between individuals

gathered around a com-

mon concern, like par· ents of preschool children.

Every effort needs to be made to prevent faith from becoming individualistic and private.

When that happens, the special solidarity of communal faith is lost.

A Je\vish friend told me that he was part of a special support group: children of survivors of the Holocaust.

Although his parents had sun;ved the horros of the 'azi regime, his older sister had not.

As he d=ribed the meetings, he said that the weekly coming together

gave him a sense ol wholeness.

When I asked ff he meant that he was getting over anger or guilt, be said it was more than that. The gathering allowed him to be at one with those who had suffered. Through that agony a new quest for life \\.IS born.

The understanding ol loss comes full circle: death where birth is expected, but birth coming from a collecti,.., sharing of death and pain.

For those whose faith lives are intertwined, pain sWI is felt but 1t is not suffered alone.

many people sho"'" that when changes need to be made, human beings have a much greater capacity for coping >vith the unknown future than they suspect they do.

It may be a family that needs to give up some way, of doing things that an> divisive - that is, that allow family

members virtually no time at all to be together.

It may be a couple who feel the need to realign their stated and unstated goals, ha,ing discovered that some old goals are draining the hfe out of them and their marriage.

It may be an individual who needs to give up some of patterns isolahon.

It may sound odd to 'ia} so, but it takes courage bravecy - to make sur.h changes. For in each of these cases, the change called for requires the loss of something: the loss of old, familiar wa} of doing things

there will be avenues/or healing. If channels for faith commitment smoll-group faith communities - already ore de,·eloped before o trose<fy strikes, group members will know that they do not have to carry the burden of pain alone.

Sometimes parishes develop these groups in a formal way. Some retreat and renewal efforts have lent themselves to ongomg group formation.

At other times, small faith communities are less formal. They may be family groups or neigh-

bours

or

persons

Fear 1:an block new moves 1n life be;

8 The Record, June 30, 1988

The I ace of pain ...

pirit

athways of the

to change or develop in significant wa}'-·

The} wonder if they have more to lo,,e than to ga.in.

There are many old. familiar way of d01ng things that people should retain in their lives because they are good and beneficial.

But the experience of

•

What can happen is that

is seems easier not to

change than to change.

The Record, June 30, 1988

9

warm \ -ith lov it memb rs, and through them pread that warmth to veryo th y com in contact with, and tho e who witness their warmth. caring and Im in tov ·ards othe .

E h y ar m nt ha a which i the Fo ol v ·h r to th r

S nd c

They both had go d incomes "but all around us in luding our marriage, thin \ er t rting to lo direction", Paul said.

ny interest d parti ipants hould contact Centre people on 3878430 or 271-3222.

Becoming in ·olved with the Focolare, was a turning point in Paul' life.

He admit to bein prett • wild 1 -ye r-old" v ·ho had familv and other problem nd h d ft th Chu h numb r of y b or .

o:

j b with g

by COLLEEN cGUINESSHOW RD

Clo es no n

dnesdays.

5 min. for fir t 28 Po t or d, /iv r.

No ph ne call .

D Sit. D Sit. D Help O Tea r an ed D eacher available O Building trades D For sale

O

anted to buy

SELLERS GET B

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D 0 0

O Baptism fre

D Enga ement O arriage O Silver w ddin O Golden edding O Diamond wedding O Jubilee O nniversary

ord .

O Death 0 0 ath: Than

O n memoriam

D Thank O anted O Public tice O Personal O Information

d them in a live-in nti I home "and I loved them, this a traumati for me. But I oul n't cope an more."

•••

g co

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to the Editor

Anglican concern BUILDING TRADES

ACCOMMODATION AVAILABLE

from Gordon EDWARDS, Karawara Sir, May I comment - as an Anglican - on Phil Shields' thoughts The Record. June 23).

I is true that the Anglican Communion should loo to Rome and the Orthodox Communions as elder broth rs - and many of us do. Howev r, there are times when eld r brothers must s and heed the ad e of their juniors.

Anglicans ha e always recognrs d our d bt to Rom . In , so gr t 1s this d b that our ol

needs to be considered a whrle, maybe rnodif red to suit local usage. And some must be thrown out. But it works the other way too In the light of the foreign experience, some local customs may be untenab e, modifiable or distinctly su rior.

But why must we always look on the negative sid of this situation? Can we not use our common beliefs and achiev ments as a solid rock foundation? Often we a bumper sticker: "If you can re d this, than a primary teacher", which should perhaps read. " ... prais Yahw h", or." ... than the Christian Church". 0 spite the schisms which divid us. wh ch religious group rs th most concern for th Ifare of II peop s of ny

His laconic sense of humour, his insightfulness and above all his utter confidence in lay people as the church in

the world will long be remembered and appreciated by his many friends throughout Australia.

OBITUARY

ble for the successful ma et· ing of estem Australian oats and barley deli ered to the Oats Pool and the arketing Board.

Hi memorial perhaps is the Grain Pool publication "fortnightly heat ates" · de circulated throughout the orld and for ich he ote notes for 20 yea prior o retireme .

In his Cathohc lrfe. hrs mo e to the ci y sa him join the Veritas Libra (la er the Ca holic Library) nd Che erton Club. then in Pier Street He h d ong membership of h th Southern Cro H

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RECORD CLAS IFIEDS 26 JOH S RE T - P.O. BOX 50 OAT BRIDGE. W.A. 6000

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