BY"BRICRU.
SCENEIL-Sly
inthatdreadVutlandfight
WeresenttoHadesandeternalnight
Withbrazenthroatsweshouteff"Victory"!
Andlustierstill"We'remastersofthesea"!
ThecrywasechoedbyWeeBillyHughes, WhohaditcabledtotheDailyOozeOursuredefencebeneaththesouthernskies,
Themostefficientofthe"DailyLies."
TheOosenextpassedittotheSundayStink-
Anacknowledgedwasteofgoodprinters'ink
Theremaudlin"BlowFly"hamsinwoefulrhymes
AndconservestheodouroftheSavouryTimes.
ThejoyfulnewsoldladieswepttoPsear,
Andstrengthindeedthesoul-shrunkprofiteer
Withloyalhandtodeckhiscostlycar
Andshoutwithhuskyvoice"We'vewonthewa
Buttruth,orsoonorlate,willsurelyout, Aud-now'tfre'fabledastheJutlandrout.
Yetthis,ourlatestfeatupontheseas (pointstoDaniel)
Provesstillwe"bravethebattleandthebreeze."
Silence,saveforthelappingwaters.Abull-dog-amblesupthesleek towardsDaniel,sniffsabouthim,andgrowlsominously.Daniel -suddenlytakesthebull-dogbythenapeofthe*neckanddropsit overboard,thencalmlycontinuestowatchthecoastofIreland.The piratesareamazed.AnHibernianpirate(hewascapturedinthe wildstatewhentheislandwaspartlysubjugated)laughs.Thepirate captainglowersathimand,inahissingwhisper,ordersthathe -shallbeputinirons.TheHibernianpirate,withafullright,knocks eatthemate'sfalseteeth,anddoesotherdamage.Atlengthheis overpowered.
CAPTAIN:Ournativewitcanne'erthisracebefool, Theystabusdeepestwiththeirridicnle
OhthatsomemountainousAtlanticswell, Wouldsweeptheircursedisletodeepesthell
soloofhis boot;BoneheadLawlooksscaredandmovesofftotheother endoftheroom.
SLYGEORGE(ioquiiUr)Whatthough,mychiefs,mysmallbutgallantband, Thewarwe'vewonandoftimesgulledtheland
Yetneedsmustwethisothertaskcompel TotakeandholdtheprophetDaniel Theysayhisbite'smoredeadlythananAsp's, HisverynamegiveslittleBillygasps: Recallthetruthshe'stoldourYankeefriends, HowhardforGeddstwillbetomakeamends Whatdamagetoo,wherelordlyTibersprings, Ifearme,Howardwillfailtoworkthestrings: Infinehe'sbeenaveritablethorn
ALL(fervently)Wepraythegodshe'sslainthisblessedmorn.
DOUGHTYNED(gloomily)Alack,Ifearthey'llfailtheworktodo, We'vetraitordogsamongthepiratecrew, Thetaskweremine,theshipwereOrangethrough.
BONEHEADLAW(idioticallycheerful)Fie,gloomyNedhere,readthese"Blow-fly"rhymes, Tobringyoumirthinthesesotryingtimes.
DocoarrNED(angrily)AwayAwaythehorridjargonsmells, HomeRuleI'llhave,oranythousandhells Butspare,Ohsparetheoozefromfetidwells.
WindbagChurchyard,scentingafightwalkstowardsLaw DoughtyNedfeelingtheedgeofhisknife.
WINDBAGCHURCHYARD(truculently) WhosaidHomeRuleI''TwasIatAntwerpled DidyouspeakLaworyouoldgloomyNed?
Silenceagain.AllintentlywatchDaniel.Hesuddenlyturnstowardsthepiratesthemovementissounexpectedthatthepirate captaininvoluntarilyjerkshisheadbackwardsandstrikesthefirst officerfullonthenose.Theimpactispassedonandthereismuch eonfusion'andbadlanguage.AnIrishterrierpattersupthedeckand frisksaboutDanielwhopateandcaressesit.AnotherHiberniau piratelaughsandhealsoissetonandputinirons:Allgunsare pointeittowardeDanielasheapproaches.
SCENEIIL-CurtainrisesrevealingBillyHughescostumedas HenryII-Hesitswithdishevelledhairatatable-Onthe tablearetwoopenedrazors,anautomaticpistol,andonelarge bottlelabelled"RatPoison"-Billyrisesandkneelsbeforea bustofWilliamMorrisHughestowhichheoffersincense (TonitrussinistriWeirdmusicwithout)-Heagaintakeshis placeatthetable-Telephonebellrings,hegrabswildlyat thereceiverandlistens!Wongnumber-Billysays"damn" butimmediatelylookscontritelytowardsthebustofW.M. Hughes.(Shadedlights).
BILLYCAMBRENBIS(ioqUilttr) Cold,nervoustremblingsshakemymanlyframe, Allthenightlongthewindsdidshriekhisname Wildweremydreams,andoftIroseinfright, Frozenwithhorroratsomeghastlyeight. Alackitmaybethatthey'vemissedtheprey, Ifso,forme,thisisafatalday. (Withadramaticsweepofhishandtowards thelethalweapons) Theseweaponsprovehowdirefulismywoe, Icannotlive,iflivethedreadedfoe.
EnterFIERCE(MinieterofOffence,costumedalaWellington)Wrappedinadarkcloak,hestridesacrosstheroom. Billystartsupinalarm.
BILLY(loquitor)Angelsandministersofgraceforfend 'Ti.surelyhe,ourhopesareatanend! (Fleecefaceshim) No,nomuchthanks'tiethou0gentleFierce, Withsunlikegracehartcomeourgloomtopierce, Haatthounobalm,nocomfortwordtosay Thathaplynowmaydrivesadcareaway? FIERCE(despondently)Comfortthere'snone!muchwoeomenscontain. LastnightindreamsIsawyouonceagain InSydneytown,loudvoicedinthe'Domain.
(EnteraPurpleManoftheOrangeLodge) PURPLEMax(excitedly) Goodfriends,kindfriends-Iswearthenewsistrue, He'sta'en,heldfastbythebravepiratecrew.
Flrece TheImpah'ssavedandBillysoareyou.
NED(scornfully)GotiltatmillsYourthreatsbringmenodread. and Windbagtakesoffhiscoat;Carsonfollowssuit;theotherpirates(allexceptSlyGeorgewhocrawlsunderthetable)rushtowards thetrio.Abovethedinisheardtheclatterofahorse'shoofsonthe pavementAbreathlesscourierannouncesthecaptureofDaniel. NedandChurchyardfalloneachother'snecksweeping.(curtain). (Thecurtainrisestwiceonthereconciliationscene)
BillyfaintsandFiercethrowstheratpoisonoverhim,afterwhichhe revivesandwalksonhishandsthreetimesaroundthetablesoasto seethesituationfromanewpointofview.Maleandfemalemembers oftheL.O.L.,represetativesofP.P.A.andkindredsocietiescomeon thestage.Alljoinhandsanddanceaboutinacircle-inahappy, lightheartedfashion.Billy,Fierce,andotherssingtotheaccompanimentofanOrangedrumandthreetinwhistles. CHORUS.
'Tisgoodtobelivingto-dayanddrawingathousandayear, Torantofdefenceandempireandthedeathoftheprofiteer, A-gullingthefoolswhopayforblatherskiteanddamnlies Milewehob-nobwithWheat-KingandJap,andpockettheJudas prize.
.64ustraliaFirst" ArchbishopMannix. Registeredatthe6pO.PerthforTransmissionbyPostasaNewspaper 10!Pages,3Sections.TwoIrishLetters-Page7 rHEORGANOFTHEARCHDIOCESEOFPERTH No.1990(NewSeries) (10PAGES) PERTH,SATURDAY,SEPTEMBER,18,1920 PRICE3d VOL.XLIV DANIELINTHEPIRATESHIP ACOMEDYINONEACT. SCENE1.--Apirateship[offthesouth=westcoastofEngland-The seaiscalm,andthecloudsareliftingslowlyfromtheIrish coast,whichisvisible-Towardstheaftportionoftheship agroupofpirates,grim:auddetermined,armedcap-a-pie,is sheltered'behindahastily-thrown-upbreastwork-The piratecaptain,wearingfourgoldbandsonhiesleeve,stands bitadvanceofthegroup-Alleyesaredirectedtowardsthe bow,whereatallfigurestandsmotionless-ItisDaniel-His backistothepirates,andheisfacingtheIrishcoast-Save forthewashofthewaters,thereis:silence-Atlengthwith batedbreaththepirateCaptainspeaks. CAPTAIN(loqUiiMr)Oncemore,bravelads,havewewithvalourtrue Oncemore,theworldfromAntwerptoPeru Madetrembleatthegloryogourname, Andwiderspreadthecircleofourfame, Which-truthtotell-inthisquiterecentwar Sufferedgreatshook-hadquiteanastyjar Whenfourteenships
Fireworks(curtain),
George-costumedasCaptainKidd--smalland cunninglikeBillyCarnbrensisbutnotsoatrabiliouslooking, DoughtyNedCarsonaslongJohnSilver,minusthewooden leg,BoneheadLaw,WindbagChurchyardandotherpirates assembledatheaequarters.DoughtyNedgazesanxiously ataclockwhichKaiserBillpresentedtohimin1912It hearstheImperialArmsandtwoinscriptions,"Gottmitt uns"and"Alleshatseinezeit."TheclockhasbeenpresentedtothecommonroomjusttoshowthatNeddidnot reallymeantokickalltheotherpiratesandtheirplaythings intotheBoyne.Allwearredsashesandlongknives. WindbagChurchyardsharpenshisknifeonthe
aspiratekingswe'lllaughatthemesswe've wrought, AndthedelugemaysweepdearAussieland,for'twillcostusnevera thought. ORCHESTRA (CURTAIN) "TheJoysofWilliam" Schubert C.Y.M.S. Wearepleasedtoreportthata largenumberofmembershavetakentheadvicegiveninthesociety's notesofthelastcoupleofweeks, andhavepaiduptheirsubscriptions.Thenewcommitteehastakenaveryfirmstandwithregard tomemberswhosesubscriptionsare inarrears,anditwouldbewellfor suchmemberstomakehaywhile thesunshinesbypayingupatonce, ortheywillfindthatwithinavery shorttimetheywillbedebarred fromusingthesociety'srooms. Thefirstmeetingofthecricket clubwillbeheldonSundaymorn. ing,19th.inst.,at11a.m.There promisestobeaverystrongteam enteredbythesocietyforthissea. son,andallinterestedmembers shouldmakeaspecialefforttoattendtheinauguralmeeting.Afurtherremindermayalsobeissuedto intendingplayerswithreferenceto theirbecomingfinancialbeforethe seasoncommences.AmostenjoyabledancewasheldonThursday,9th.inst.,inaidofthecricket club'sfunds.Thefloorwasin splendidcondition,andthemusic wassuppliedbythatcapablemusician,MissOlitridge. OnhiswaytoMelbourneatpresentisoneofthesociety'sbestsupporters,JimRyan.LastWednesdaynightJim,whohasalways beenaconstantfollowerofthecricketandfootballteamsofthesociety,aswellasbeingoneofthe auditorsforsomeconsiderabletime, -leftbytheTrans.traintoseekhis fortuneinfreshfieldsandpastures new.Thereisapossibilityofhis returningtoW.A.,however,later on.Wecanassurehimthatwe willallbeonlytoopleasedtosee himbackagain,andinthemeantimewishhimthebestofluckin hisnewsphere. Aspecialgeneralmeetingwas heldonWednesdaynightlast,at whichtheterminalreportoftheold committeewasadopted.Wesincerelyhopethiswillbeoneofthe veryfewspecialmeetingsofeither thecommitteeorthegeneralmembersthatwillbecalledduringthe term,asnothingtendstomakethe attendanceatthemeetingssmaller thantheirregularcallingofthem. NextThursdaynightwillbethe footballclub'sfinaldanceforthe year.Someverysuccessfulandenjoyabledanceshavebeenrunby theclub,duringthewintermonths, andtheforthcomingonepromises tosurpassallpreviousrecords.Duringtheeveningsevengoldmedalsandthreeframedphotographswill bepresented. EUCHREPARTYANDDANCE willbeheldin HIBERNIANHALL, MONDAY,SEPTEMBER20,1920. InaidofSt.Joseph'sNewChurch, SouthPerth. GoodPrizes. Refreshments. Tickets:Gent's,1/6:lady's,1/-. V.YATES,Hon.Secretary. C.Y.M.S.FOOTBALLCLUB. CINDERELLADANCE. AndPresentationofTrophies. HIBERNIANHALL, THURSDAY,SEPTEMBER23. MusicbyJ.Griffin. Tickets,2s. PERCYC.DAVIDSON, Hon.Secretary. "Yourname,please,Miss?" "IonaCarr." "Oh,doyou?Whatmake?" THEWINNINGDOUBLE. UNIONBEER AND UlmNIMPERIALSTOUT. SpringandSummerMillinery CostumesandDressMaterials WearedisplayingEarlyShipmentsofFashionable GoodswhichfeaturetheLatestCreations,SmartestDesigns,ChoicestFabricsandLatestShades fortheComingSeason. WecordiallyinviteyourInspectionofthese BeautifulProductions,orplaceatyourservicethe SpecialFacilitiesofour COUNTRYORDERDEPARTMENT. FOY&GIBSON PTY.,LTD. UniversalProviders hayStreetandSt.George'sTerrace,Perth. SITUATIONWANTED. WANTED. HighlyrespectableyoungladyrequiresSituationinthecityasLady HelporCompaniontoaCatholic family;agedcoupleoradultfamily preferred.Advertiseris23years ofage.Furtherparticularswrite A.Z.,c/.thisoffice. Needlewomanwantsdailywork. BxpertRenovator;eveningdresses, children'smending,whitework, Teresa,PosteRestante,Fremantle. FORSALE. I ARCMLILIES,inlargeorsmall quantities,suitablefordecorations. Apply100MountsBayRoad,Perth. MAYLANDS. TheMissiongivenbytheRev. FatherMitchell,C.SS.RwasconcludedlastSundayevening.Itwas indeedmostsuccessfulthroughout theweek.Largercongregations werenevergatheredinthechurch before.Sundaywasoneofmuch activity,andonelongtoberemembered.Theseveno'clockMass presentedaninspiringscene,when almosteverysoulpresentapproach. edthealtarrailsforCommunion. TheChildrenofMaryinregaliaoccupiedaplaceofhonourononeside oftheaisle,whiletheHibernians (practically100percentstrong), alsoinregalia,filledthefrontseats ontheotherside.At'thenine o'clockMassthechurchwasagain crowded,thegreatmajorityof thoseattheearlierMasshavingreturnedtoheartheMissioner'sspecialsermon.Alargenumberat thisMassalsoreceivedHolyCommunion.AtnightthelargestcongregationyetseeninMaylandswas presentfordevotions,andtheclose oftheMission.FatherMitchell's discoursewasaninstructivegeneralisationofthesermonshepreachedduringtheMission,andconcludedwiththePapalBlessing.Father Mitchellwasassistedduringthe weekbyFatherLynch,P.P.,Dean Brennan(NarrogineandFatherG. Griffin.BeforeBenediction,the Missionerthankedallwhohad madehisstayinMaylandsthepleasureitwas,andthosewhohelped tomakethevariouspracticesthe 'uccesstheywereoneveryoccasion. LastMondayeveningaeuchre partyanddancewasheldinSt. Luke'sHall,inaidoftheLimerick Stall.Therewasaverygoodattendance.Competitionwaskeen andcardplayingwaswellupto theusualstandard.Theladies' prizeswerewonbyMrs.Pollard (first),andMissJ.McEvoy(second).Thegentsprizeswentto MrCroker(firstendMr.Quinn Carson'sRedHand TheDemoninIreland'sPath Arailwayguardhasbeensentto Oh!thered,redhandofUlster-hardlabourforstealingSirEdward Thedrippingblood-stainedOrangeCarson'scoat.Ifthiskindofsouhand- venircollectinggrowsonourrailAthousandcrimesdripfromit, wayswemayonedayfindSirEdwardinspectinghisUlstetGuardof Andthecursesofaruinedland.Honourinhispyjamas. TruthWillOut DebasedPatriotism Weseethingsastheyare.The lightofdayhaspenetratedthe transactionoftheSundayTimesin repurchasingacertainprinting pressfromtheStateGovernment for£5,300lessthantheGovernmentpaidforit,undertheresumptionschemeof1912,inwhichour Sundaycontemporarywasinterested.Veiywell.TheSundayTimes inacoupleofsquamishattemptsto makethedealmorepalatablefor thepublic,pleadedthatcertainexpensivefittingsweremissingfrom themachinewhenrepurchased.Be thatadmitted,wearenotprepared towastespaceoverthetraosactiou, butsimplytocallattentiontothe factthatofthevariousstatements connectedwiththisepisode-anepisodeperpetratedattheexpenseof thecountry,andtowhichtheSundayTimesisaparty,inspite,we emphasise,ofitspretendedchampioningoftheState,itsprotestationsofImperialisticultra-loyalty (questionableinthelightofAus taliannationality),itsrecentplea, "DoCristoOthers,"whichwasa tiradeofshriekinglies
theIrishquestion),hypocrisy,
villificationofCatholicsingenera/ its(onetime!)pesistentderisionof Scaddanas"Gone-a-millionJack," etc.,etc.-thelatestadvance(?) madeonthesubjectintheLegietr^. siveAssemblyonTuesdayevening last,whenthePremier(Mr.MOchell),inanswertoMr.Lutes-, madethefollowingadmissions,is proofpositiveofglaringmisrepresentation. Mr.Lutey'sQuestions. 1.HastheMinisterseenthestate mentrelativetotheHoepress whichappearedintheSunday TimesofAugust29th? 2.Isheawarethatinthestatementreferredtotheproprietary statedinteralia: "OnhearingthisTheSundayTimesaskedtheCommissionerof Railwayswhattiewouldtakefor it,andhe(theCommissioner) said,'Well,whatabout£500?'So wetookit." 3.IsheawarethattheCommt sinnerforRailwaysstatedinhis reportofSeptember2thatthe SundayTimesmadetheofferof £500? 4.Whichstatementiscorrect? 5.Whatisthefulltextofthe GovernmentPrinter'sreportof January,1920? ThePremier'sAnswers. 1.Yes. 2.Yes. 3.Yes. 4.THECOMMISSIONER'S. 5.Itisonthefile. ThePremier'srepliesgivethe publicthebreadthanddepthol ourSundaycontemporary.That paperstatedthatCommissioner Popesaidonething,buttheCommissioner'sstatementwasafiat contradiction.Fromtheaboveit islearnedthattheGovernmentpreferstobelievetheCommissioner. Whatotherconclusions,then,canbe arrivedatbutthattheSunday Timesattemptedtofalsifythe positionregardingthetransaction, and,morecondemnatorystill,make CommissionerPopethescape-goat ofthesituation. TheSundayTimesshouldexamineitsconscience,ifithasone. Havingexaminedit.ifitisnotalreadydeadandunresponsiveto promptingsoftruthandfairdealing,itwillmakerestitutiontothe Government. Butthatwouldnotbebusiness accordingtoSundayTimesethics. Ithas.tsHoe-ithasearnedit well.But,ugh,towhatsordid depthshasitsvauntedpatriotism descended? (second.TheprizesweredonatedbyMessrs.McEvoy,G.Hawtrey,J.Gleeson,andLevinson.Mr. Roseconductedtheeuchreparty, andwasalsoM.C.fortheveryen joyabledancethatfollowed.Mr. J.O'Donnellsuppliedthemusic, andMessrs.Dalton,Kenny.and. McEvoyhelpedtomakethefunctionenjoyable.Praiseisdueto theorganisers,Mrs.FineyandMiss M.Kenny. To-nightanumberofMaylands parishionersaregoingtoBayswater,whereamusicaleveningwill beheldinthehomeofMr.andMrs. A.Grieves,ofMurray-street,Bayswater.Thereshouldbeagood night'senjoymentforeveryonewho attends. OnnextSaturdayafternoon,the 25th.inst.,achildren'sgardenparty willbeheldattheresidenceofMr. andMrs.Franklin,Conroy-street. Thepriceofadmissionis3d.Refreshmentswillnotbeprovided free,butchildrenwillhavetheopportunityofspendingpenniuon lollies,cakes,jellies,etc.Thelnusicalevening,aspreviouslyannounced,willbeheldonthesamedate, andagoodmusterishopedfor. Afirstclasschildren'sconcert nowbeingorganisedbytheSisters. willbegivenintheschoolon Thursdaynext.Itpromisestobe thebestthechildrenhaveyet-participatedin.Severalyoungladies fromHighgatearegenerouslyassisting.Thereiseveryindication thattheschoolwillbecrowdedall thereisprobablynotasinglechild whohasnotsomepartintheperformance.Theadmissionwillbe sixpence. AREALDECLARATIONOF RIGHTS. "Ihavenosworneternalenmity againstEngland.AllIwantis thattheywillletmeandmycountryalone;allIwantisthatthey willgiveusjustice.Iwillwipe outalltheirdebtsinthepast;I willgivethemafreepardonfor alltheiriniquities--Iwillgive thempardonforitall,ifonly fromthistimeforward,theywill giveIrelandwhatGodintended hertohave,andwhattheIrish peoplearenowdemanding,and whattheywillcontinuetoassert, nomatterhowlongthestruggle maygoon."-Archbishop OBITUARY. Therepassedawayathisresidence,''KiaOra"(lateDalkeith House),High-street,Fremantle,at theearlyageof47years,Mr.EdMachen(Fred)Fynmore,onFriday last,the10th.September.Thedeceased,whohadbeenailingforthe lastsixmonths,hadlatelypassed throughagreatdealofsuffering.Towardsthecodmedicalaidwasofno availwhatever,andtheministrationsofRev.FatherNevillebrought himconsiderablecomfort.Agood husbandandfather,hislossiskeens lyfelt.ThelateMr.Fynmoreis survivedbyhiswifeandthreechil. drentomourntheir
Somedaythebubblewillburst,'tietrue:Then?-ohthedeviltopay! Butwe'llflysecuretothefoggyisle,withtheswagsafestowedaway. There,rightmerry,
(concerning
and
