3 minute read
Theology 101
Why is family life so important and so difficult? WHAT DOES FAITH SAY?
The essential pieces of our lives unfold in family life — love, life itself and our connection with each other. The Bible begins with the Book of Genesis. In the stories of creation, we learn about the foundational value of marriage and family life. Obviously, in God’s plan, family is central to our existence. It is a gift and a grace.
The opening chapters of Genesis also relate the challenge, difficulty and even the pain of family life. Original sin divides Adam and Eve from God, and it also separates them from each other. Later, pushed by an overwhelming resentment, their son Cain slays his brother Abel. And so, early on, we know that the gift and grace of marriage and family life are marked and marred by sin and division. Families need the healing and redeeming power of Jesus Christ. And, indeed, the Lord does heal and redeem our families through his Word, sacraments and the life of the Church.
We find ourselves positioned between the gift of family and its brokenness. Perhaps, the difficult challenges of being a family more often eclipse its reality as a gift. The 20th-century social commentator Michel Foucault described families as “fields of misunderstanding.” He argued that bringing together people of different genders, ages, roles and levels of experience and expectation necessarily results in painful difficulties.
Foucault’s point has validity, although it is incomplete because he did not consider the power of God’s grace to move us beyond our pain. Still, he named something that echoes, in my experience as a priest, what is often heard in the confessional: the people to whom we are closest and love are the very ones that seem to “provoke” us to sin with impatience, anger and resentment.
In a practical way, how can our faith help us establish our family as a school of love and not simply as a source of frustration and disappointment? There are some strategies that Pope Francis has offered in his apostolic exhortation on family life, Amoris laetitia. Here are a few of these strategies, and you may want to go directly to his exhortation to draw on more of his wisdom. First, receive the gift of family — really, the gift of each other — with gratitude. Deliberate and intentional gratitude is a fundamental discipline of Christian life that enables us to see life and others through a new lens.
Then, learn to love each other by learning to listen to each other. Often, the default path in family life is to think that we already have our family members figured out and know what they are saying without really listening to them. We need the discipline of dialogue rooted in
listening deeply to each other. Third, embrace forgiveness as a way of life. It is not a question of whether we will hurt or offend each other, because we most certainly will. Rather, it is a question of what we will do when it inevitably happens. Much depends on our own awareness of being forgiven. It helps to remember “In a practical way, our prayer: “Forgive us our trespasses, how can our faith as we forgive those who trespass help us establish against us.” our family as a school of love and not simply as a source of frustration and disappointment?” Fourth, pray for each other. Place each other intentionally, deliberately and regularly into God’s hands. And as we pray for each other, we will also see and appreciate each other differently. A final word of hope is in order. As people of faith, we lean into the future with hope. This means that our family life together — so important in itself — is even more significant as a prelude to our life ahead in God’s house as a part of God’s family. That makes meeting the graces and challenges of family life entirely necessary and completely worthwhile.
