ARAB HORSE COUTURE

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LAUREN M. BRODZIK Photography & Design info@arabhorsecouture.com JENNIFER TEMPLIN Business Manager/Advertising info@arabhorsecouture.com CONTRIBUTORS: Jean Paul Guerlain - PARIS, FRANCE Hares Fayad, MD, Al Badia Magazine - DUBAI, UAE Julie I. Fershtman - USA Judith Wich-Wenning - GERMANY visionpure, Eva Reifler, - FRANCE Nancy Dye - USA

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Table Of Contents - February 2018 10 Classical Riding

Riding in the Classical Way on Your Beautiful Arabian Horse What We Transmit to Our Horses Written by Jean Paul Guerlain

12 Ansata Hejazi Born to Rule

Book written by Judith Forbis

Book Review

Written by Judith Wich-Wenning

25 Jill Vanstone Telling a Story in a Painting Written by Judith Wich-Wenning

34 HEAVY METAL ROCKS THUNDER SNOW IN AL MAKTOUM R1 UPSET

Editorial & Photos Contributed by Al Badia Magazine

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39 On the Cover

Andrea Bocelli Andrea Bocelli & His Arabian Horses Cover photo private

Written by Judith Wich-Wenning

54 visionpure The Hero’s Journey Chapter 3: Refusal to Answer the Call Written by Eva Reifler

64 Equestrian Law New Year’s Resolutions for the Equine Industry

Written by Julie I. Fershtman, Attorney at Law

69 Perfectionism Destroys Success Reality is a Choice Written by Nancy Dye

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CLASSICAL RIDING RIDING IN THE CLASSICAL WAY ON YOUR BEAUTIFUL ARABIAN HORSE What We Transmit to Our Horses Written by Jean Paul Guerlain

H

ave you ever thought about what you unconsciously transmit to your horse? We all know that when we are in a bad mood our horses are also often in a bad mood and we know that the very best riders are able to put aside their own issues and stay calmly focused on helping and understanding their horse. However, what we often forget is just how much our horses understand about how we feel towards them. I’m not just talking about when actually in the saddle but also how we feel about them on the ground. When we ride and get frustrated with our horse, we see immediately that the horse becomes tense and unwilling. As we relax, so too our horses relax and are more willing to help us get our message across in a subtle and gentle manner.

Still, if your horse knows that when you dismount you release all ties to him, he will become distant and the work unexpressive. I noticed this and the power of this concept recently with my two horses. One horse is my star and I talk about him constantly. My other horse is older and a little bit more of a worrywart and sometimes I forget how special his is. So, one day I went into the stable after training and looked into his eyes. He was sad with me and not because I was unfair or frustrated with him in training, because I work very hard to always keep the calm relaxed me on the go. He was sad because he knew that he was number two and that perhaps I did not love him like I love the other. I felt very bad, but he was right and the next day I went into his stable and told him that I was going to make an effort to show him that he was as special as the other horse. From that day, his work was more focused—he tried harder and I found that I enjoyed riding him so much more.

Nuno Oliveira (one of the great dressage masters) used to say, “To be a good rider you have to love your horse. Horses pick up on our state of mind and attitude. I now use my common sense; it seems obvious to me that if dogs can smell fear then horses feel what you transmit to them, and if you know you will fail, your horse will become tense, then you surely will fail. Have you ever thought about approaching him before a training session and telling him what is expected? Or visiting him post bath to discuss what could have gone better? Of course, the non-horsey’s will think you are mad, but chances are they

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In the past, in addition to his role as master perfumer for the House of Guerlain, Jean Paul Guerlain also accumulated World Championships in Dressage and Carriage Driving.

Guerlain is a French perfume house, amongst the oldest in the world. The House of Guerlain was founded in 1828, when PierreFrancois Pascal Guerlain opened his perfume store in Paris. Jean Paul Guerlain is fourth generation Geurlain and the last family master perfumer. Jean Paul continues to travel the globe to develop new fragrances.

do not even notice when people discuss their lives with their canine or feline friends. If you do not believe me, then try it. You must believe in it or of course you are fooling yourself and your horse. A horse with a rider that loves him will show it and a horse with a negative unfriendly rider will produce the same emotion in the dressage test (or any other competition).

The best judge to appreciate the quality of the rider’s aids is the horse. Look at his attitude, his ears, his eye. If the rider who just won a dressage test or other dismounts and his horse has a miserable appearance, we can say that the rider is a savage; the work was some kind of sport and not equestrian art."

“As we relax, so too our horses relax and are more willing to help us get our message across in a subtle and gentle manner.”

In my opinion, it is equestrian prove something works, it is luck, and please submit your the above techniques. Please

art, not science. So even if we cannot simply magical when it does. Good writings about your experiences using respond to: vitalcell.km@bluewin.ch -JPG-

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Heavy Metal (GB) (Salem bin Ghadayer - Mickael Barzalona) wins the Group

O

pening night of the 2018 Dubai World Cup Carnival

own in the US $135,000 Longines Conquest Classic, a handicap

was highlighted by the US $250,000 Al Maktoum

over the same 1900m dirt course and distance as that big race

Challenge R1 (G2), presented by Longines Gents

win. Having made an impressive winning reappearance at Jebel

Master Collection, over 1600m on dirt and won emphatically

Ali two weeks ago, he was far too good for his eight rivals on

by Heavy Metal, a second winner on the card for His Highness

this occasion, going straight to the front under Barzalona and

Sheikh Hamdan bin Mohammed Al Maktoum, who was present.

never looking in any danger.

Saddled by Salem bin Ghadayer and partnered by Mickael

“These conditions really suit him and he has done that very

Barzalona, Heavy Metal was able to take full advantage of

well,” Barzalona said. “He beat (subsequent Dubai World Cup

his low draw, stall two, going straight to the front and staying

winner) Prince Bishop when winning the second leg of the

there en route to a nearly five-length victory over favourite and

Maktoum Challenge, so his class is apparent. We were very

multiple Group 1 winner Thunder Snow with jockey Christophe

disappointed when he was injured last year and missed most of

Soumillon.

the season, but he is back to something like his best now and

Heavy Metal had won on his seasonal reappearance three

these two wins will have done wonders for his confidence.”

weeks prior over the same course and distance in the Listed

Frankyfourfingers was not seen last year after the end of

Dubai Creek Mile. He was also victorious on three occasions at

January when finishing second in a 1600m carnival dirt

the 2017 carnival over the same track and trip.

handicap won by Heavy Metal.

“These conditions really suit him and he has done nothing

Godolphin dominated the US $175,000 Singspiel Stakes (G3),

but improve, especially over the last year,” Barzalona said. “He

presented by Longines Ladies Master Collection, over 1800m on

relishes this dirt surface and is showing on the track what he

turf. Well-regarded Saeed bin Suroor-trained favourite Benbatl

has displayed to us in his work at home in the mornings. He

asserted his class and bounded clear under Oisin Murphy,

has always worked like a very good horse and has such a great,

finishing with plenty left and defeating Charlie Appleby-trained

willing, attitude. He is easy to ride. We had a good draw and

banner-mate Emotionless and jockey James Doyle in a swift

he broke well, so I was always going to go to the front and he

1:46.99. The pair looked set for a real battle at the top of the

enjoys those positive tactics. It has been a very good evening

straight before Murphy’s mount quickened well, putting the

for the whole team and long may it continue throughout the

race to bed in a few strides. Classy 7-year-old Earnshaw rallied

year.”

well for third. A third Godolphin horse, Appleby-trained Bay of

“He jumped out quite okay,” Soumillon said of the runner-up. “I

Poets suffered through a crowded trip and rallied well for sixth

was quite happy with my position. For the distance today, with

under William Buick.

that pace, it was probably a bit short for him, but he finished

“Saeed gave me an open book as how to ride him and they

the race quite well. It’s encouraging for the future. He gave me

are a very straightforward team to ride for,” Murphy said. “I just

a good effort in the straight and he’s a horse who needs to be

looked for a bit of cover and then when I asked him, he picked

100% fit and wasn’t today. The big target is in the future in a

up very well. He was a bit keen early on but he tends to be

few more weeks and we’re going to see much better next time.”

and, if you look after the line, he was still running away. He is

Earlier, stable companion Frankyfourfingers, winner of the 2015

a very nice horse, progressive and is going to get better. I am

Al Maktoum Challenge Round 2 (G2), proved in a class of his

very grateful for these opportunities on such nice horses on

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HEAVY METAL ROCKS THUNDER SNOW IN AL MAKTOUM R1 UPSET big nights, especially with His Highness Sheikh Hamdan bin

but now at seven he is hopefully at his prime as a sprinter and

Mohammed here.”

we will work towards (Dubai) World Cup night and the Al Quoz Sprint.”

“I’m delighted,” Appleby said of his pair. “(Emotionless) was crying out for a trip there. He was fresh and well at home and

The meeting opened with the US $60,000 Al Maktoum

that’s why we decided to let him have a run tonight. He’ll come

Challenge R1 (G1, Purebred Arabians), presented by Longines

on a nice bit from this run. We’ll probably head toward the

Equestrian Collection. Like its Thoroughbred counterpart, it was

Dubai Millennium Stakes (G3, Feb. 22). (Bay of Poets) ran on

contested over 1600m on the dirt.

well and we’ll have options with him. Benbatl is a good horse.”

A champion and multiple Grade 1 winner in America, Paddy’s

Godolphin also supplied both first and second in the 1400m

Day, having his first start for UAE Champion Trainer and

turf handicap, the US $160,000 Longines Moon Phase Master

U.S. expat Doug Watson, ran out the winner by a neck from

Collection, with Buick weaving through on D’Bai to deny

Barnamaj. It was a fourth win in the race for the handler.

James Doyle on stable companion Bravo Zolo. Seemingly with

Well away under Pat Dobbs, he tracked early leader RB Torch

nowhere to go with 300m to go, Buick was able to find a gap

until that one weakened fully 500m from home, leaving him

and his mount shot through, quickening impressively and

in front. He quickened, opening up a sizable advantage before

breaking the track record in the process with a time of 1:22.32.

appearing to get a bit lonely in the closing stages. His five

Both are trained by Appleby, who said: “We thought they both

previous UAE outings had all been on the turf at Abu Dhabi,

had a good chance but you need a bit of luck in these big field

where he failed to fire, but was much more at home back on

handicaps. D’Bai has all the ability in the world but just needs

dirt and running left-handed.

everything to fall right for him and William has given him a

“I rode him once at Abu Dhabi and it just did not suit him, but

peach of a ride. The horse has such tremendous acceleration, as

he was very professional tonight,” Dobbs said. “I was left in front

you saw there but again, credit William, who has found the gaps

too soon, but he had plenty left and I think if they had come to

and produced him with a perfect challenge.”

him he would have found more because he is all heart.”

The first Thoroughbred race, the US $160,000 Longines Ladies

An emotional owner Scott Powell added: “We always believed

La Grande Classique at 1000m on the turf, was won for the

he was a competitor for the worldwide stage and he has proved

third consecutive season by track record holder Ertijaal, who

it tonight. Doug and all his team have done a great job with

is trained by Ali Rashid Al Rayhi for His Highness Sheikh

him and we are truly delighted. We are just taking his campaign

Hamdan bin Rashid Al Maktoum. The maximum field of 16 may

one step at a time and this was the perfect first step.”

have gone to post, but Ertijaal was never headed under the retained jockey Jim Crowley. Chased throughout by gallant Irish

The meeting concluded with the Longines Gents La Grande

challenger Hit The Bid, the 7-year-old held well to the pleasure

Classique, an ultra-competitive 2410m turf handicap worth US

of the local crowd. It was more than three lengths back to

$160,000 and won with a brilliant ride by European win record

Dutch Masterpiece in third.

holder Soumillon on Golden Wood, who repeated in the race.

The Nicolas Caullery trainee out-willed a pair of Bin Suroor-

“My horse was giving away a lot of weight on his first run of

trained Godolphin runners in the process. Gold Star, second by a

the season and the runner-up is a very useful sprinter,” Crowley

nose, looked like a winner in midstretch and stayed on well to

said. “The front two have pulled well clear, so we have to be

lose narrowly, while top-rated Best Solution was another length

very pleased with that. He was a bit fresh, as you would expect,

back in third.

Editorial & Images - Al Badia Magazine www.albadiamagazine.com

Benbatl (GB) (Saeed bin Suroor - Oisin Murphy) wins the Group 3 Singspie

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The first Trade-Show dedicated to Equine

validated. Various professional training courses have been created during the past decades. For the first time in France, this trade show will provide a platform for professionals and experts in practices such as horse therapy, life coaching and personal development assisted by the horse, as well as coaching with horses.

Facilitated Learning and Human Well-Being will be held in Paris from the 1st to the 3rd of June 2018.

Paris 2018 The Bien-ĂŠtre avec le Cheval team (Achieving Well-Being with the Help of Horses or Equine Facilitated Learning and Human Well-Being) is organizing the first international exhibition intended to inform the public on all professional practices using the horse as a mediator to bring health and wellness to mankind.

These three days (June 1st, 2nd & 3rd, 2018) will offer conferences, new experiences and open-air workshops. Friday, June 3rd is dedicated specifically to companies and organizations looking for human development tools. The weekend is for individuals seeking alternative approaches to improve their health and wellbeing.

Children, teenagers, women and men of all ages will discover an authentic way to connect with the horse and experience novel approaches to exploring emotions or solving dilemmas in a secure environment.

Let's start with the obvious: spending time with a horse feels good. This is probably the reason why multiple professions are currently harnessing the power of horsehuman interactions and bonds to be effective in their work.

The therapeutic advantages of using horses in therapy, counseling and coaching have finally been scientifically proven and

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The visitors will also have the opportunity to meet Linda Kohanov (Arizona, USA), who is a pioneer of horse-assisted personal development. Hundreds of practitioners have trained in her method, including many in France. The Eponaquest © approach and her book The Tao of Equus are trailblazers of horse therapy. She will give a lecture that promises to enthrall audiences: The Heart of Evolution: Exploring the Hidden History and Untapped Potential of the Human-Animal Bond. The lecture will be held twice, Friday June 1st at 2pm and Sunday June 3rd at 10:30 am.

with horses or painting. The pleasant setting of the Enghien-les-Bains Racetrack will allow city dwellers to spend a day outdoors in contact with horses. Located only 15 minutes from Paris Gare du Nord by public transportation, it also has free parking for 1300 vehicles.

The Bien-Être avec le Cheval program and ongoing updates can be found on the dedicated Facebook page and the dedicated website: lectures held by professionals, planned workshops and demonstrations, the exhibitors catalogue, books by well-known authors specializing in the relationship between horses and men, as well as celebrity guest stars, will be unveiled later this year.

The exhibition area will include associated exhibitor’s booths, activities for kids, a bookshop and food trucks. Activities and live demonstrations will give examples of various horse-assisted approaches, as well as introduce associated trades such as yoga

www.salondubienetreaveclecheval.com https://www.facebook.com/ BienetreAvecleCheval

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Planning ahead for a successful 2018? You

same contract language that one state may enforce could fail in another state. Evaluating

might define “success” as great progress in

these state-by-state differences usually requires a review of ever-changing court rulings. For the best protection, retain knowledgeable counsel to

your showing, breeding, training, racing, and riding. The fact is, however, that people in the horse industry still rely on handshake deals and incomplete contracts when they buy, sell, lease,

help you comply with applicable requirements.

board, train, haul, breed, and give instruction to others. With the new year, resolve to protect yourself.

Read and Comply With Applicable Equine Activity Liability Acts

Here are a few suggestions.

Now is the time to review the equine activity liability laws in effect where you reside or do

Be Cautious About Using Standardized Contracts

business. Of the 48 states with some form of an equine activity liability act (as of December 2017, all states except California and Maryland have one) pay special attention to these:

Standardized, "one-size-fits-all" form contracts are quick and inexpensive. People often share them online. However, they run a serious risk of including illegal or unenforceable provisions or failing to comply with unique provisions that the applicable state's law requires. For example, many of the 48 state equine activity liability acts (as of December 2017) require equine professionals, equine activity sponsors,

• Many of these laws have contract language and sign posting requirements, usually directed at equine professionals and equine activity sponsors. They all differ.

• Most of these laws list exceptions to the immunities, and these exceptions could provide grounds for a lawsuit. If you allow others to ride or handle your horses or if you allow people to bring horses onto your property, take a look at the “providing an equine horse and failing to make reasonable and prudent efforts” exception, the “faulty tack or equipment” exception, and

and possibly others to include special “warning” or other language in certain contracts. These requirements differ from state to state. In a few states, the laws specify that those who fail to comply with these requirements can lose any liability limitation benefits from the law.

the “dangerous latent condition of the land” exception, all of which are found in several equine activity liability laws.

Also, states differ as to what language can make a liability waiver/release enforceable. (A small number of states will not enforce them.) The

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WWW.EQUINELAWBLOG.COM Use Written Contracts

Carolina (in 2013), and Virginia (in 2008). A useful website that offers links to equine and

Some state laws may actually require contracts

animal-related laws, and updates them regularly, is www.animallaw.info.

in certain equine-related transactions. Equine activity liability acts in Arizona and Virginia,

Conclusion

for example, have language requiring written contracts and releases, even offering some

Make 2018 a year of attention to legal matters.

language, to benefit from immunities. Equine sales statutes in California, Florida, and Kentucky

Stay safe and protect yourself.

require contracts that include certain language.

Carefully written contracts can help avoid

This article does not constitute legal advice. When

disputes and save money. In leases, for example, questions sometimes involve: Was the arrangement a sale? A lease? Were promises made regarding the horse's disposition or training? Who pays the vet bills if the leased horse develops a serious condition during the lease that the lessee did not cause? Does the lessee have recourse against the lessor if the horse injures him or her during the lease? These

questions arise based on specific situations, direct them to a knowledgeable attorney.

About the Author Julie Fershtman is one of the nation’s most experienced Equine Law practitioners. A lawyer for more than 31 years, she is a Shareholder with Foster Swift Collins & Smith, PC, based in Michigan. She has successfully handled equine cases in 18 jurisdictions nationwide and has tried

issues could lead to costly, burdensome, and inconvenient legal disputes. A carefully worded agreement can help avoid them.

equine cases before juries in 4 states. She has drafted thousands of equine industry contracts, is listed in The Best Lawyers in America, and is the recipient of the ABA's 2017 "Excellence in the Advancement of Animal Law Award." Her speaking engagements span 29 states. For more information, please visit: www.equinelaw.net & www.fosterswift.com

Remember That Laws Change Laws affecting you may have changed without your knowledge. More recently, equine activity liability laws have been amended in Iowa and Texas (in 2011), Michigan (in 2015), North

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upon) and her reality (not perfect and didn’t deserve the ribbon) conspired to dampen the enthusiasm and the

I was VERY excited to talk to my equestrian client, Robin (not her real name), after her second championship ribbon since we have been working together, and when she got

celebration. And in fact, “not riding perfectly” or even at her personal best level, soon evaporated into the “reality”

on the phone, she immediately started discounting. (Wait for it … here comes her perfectionism!)

of luck! And Robin was not open to any other meaning for those two events. She had drawn a line in the sand, and

“I can’t lie to myself,” she started, “I didn’t ride well.” (Well, there goes my fun celebration with her!)

she wasn’t budging on her reality that she did not ride well enough to deserve the ribbons. (OK, so let’s walk that ribbon right back to the venue and hand it back over!)

There was a list of reasons why she didn’t win, most of which did not have to do with what she did as much as outside forces. Lucky ones at that. “It was a gift.” “It’s all about who shows up that day.” “The win was determined

Her exact words were, “I call a spade a spade. I can’t lie to myself.”

You can’t lie to yourself? Well, that is the number one skill we need to work on because success is all about lying to ourselves!

by the California split of the classes.” “Averaging out the class was the reason.” (Best of the worst?) Basically, it was just luck. So, Robin was disempowered.

I told her that studies have been done and optimistic people, even if they are not “based in reality,” perform

What about her riding? (Was any of this because of her efforts?) “Well,” she continued, “I rode great, but I had a

better and succeed more often than all of us who are more Reality Based. Why is that?

bad day.” (For the second day, when she rode the wrong course.) “I’ve ridden better.” “Everything wasn’t perfect.”

And then she came to, “I had a good day. I could have

Because “realists” who see all the negatives, the potential problems, all the reasons why something may not work, may actually be correct in how they are evaluating things, but because they are more “negative,” they are more likely

ridden better, but I’m comfortable with that.”

OK, so while the lack of ability to immediately “own the win” and to celebrate wasn’t there, the good news is, she’s comfortable with not having ridden better. That’s huge.

That’s progress. Before Robin started coaching with me, she used to shut herself down by beating herself up

to give up; because, after all, they have calculated the risks of succeeding and failing and “obviously” the odds are against success.

whenever she wasn’t perfect!

And also, our brains tend to make into a reality that which we truly believe in and focus on. So, if you really believe you are not that good and are unable to succeed, and if you focus on that over and over, then most likely that is the reality you will create.

So, after I listened to the discounting, we discussed how her values are getting in the way. For example, I uncovered that she places such a high value on integrity and honesty, it was blocking her from seeing, owning, and appreciating her win. She was absolutely adamant that she couldn’t see it any other way than it was. “The truth is …” “The reality is ….” “Even my trainer said …” And on and on. (What about what your equestrian mindset coach says?)

The optimist, on the other hand, doesn’t even see the negatives or problems or the reason why they might fail.

If it is pointed out to them, they ignore it. They just make a decision! And then they just go do it with belief and faith … no matter how ridiculous and miscalculated it is.

They just jump in with everything they’ve got, and they stay focused on the vision of fulfilling their dream.

So, her trainer’s reality (some things can be improved

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And guess what? The belief (which some people would

But the plot thickens! The Old Robin (who she has

call lying to themselves or being in denial), thinking

been her whole life, prior to working with me) had a

the thoughts and doing the actions of the “winner,” eventually, leads that person to becoming a winner.

“story” that she held on to throughout her life. What was her story? Living every day with the pain of not being

They achieve their vision because they DID lie to

perfect and never being enough. She grew up with this

themselves. They created their own alternative reality

message from her mother; that no matter what she did,

out of thin air despite the “obviously real” reality that everyone else was seeing.

it was NEVER going to be good enough. At least, that is how Old Robin had interpreted her mother’s belief that she could and should do better.

Our current and past Presidents of the U.S. are two perfect examples. There were a lot of people on both

So now we have come to her core issue, the reason why

sides of the aisle who felt both Presidents were lying to themselves and not based in reality if they thought

Robin can’t value or appreciate herself or others unless she or they are perfect. She then admitted to me that,

they could become President of the United States.

unfortunately, she had “gifted” this kill-the-joy message of perfectionism onto her children. It’s a sabotaging mindset left over from the story of her past, and it blocks connection in all her relationships, because no one ever

But guess what? Both candidates decided they could be President, ignored everyone else’s “reality” on the subject, and just stayed focused on who they wanted to

experiences unconditional love from her.

become. They literally used their focus, determination, and optimism to create their position of being a President … their own alternative reality out of thin air!

And totally against the odds!

This unhappy, disempowering mindset of perfectionism will shut us down. What’s the point of trying? (Let’s give up on this dream and go find something else to do that

Robin’s difficulty with this concept of lying to herself to

we may be able to control more.) After all, if the sport of riding is really more about luck, then winning is really

become successful can be overcome by changing the word “lying” to “believing.” It’s the word “lying” that has

not under our power.

Does Robin unconsciously believe that riding is all about luck? Where does that come from? I dug some more and

the negative meaning for her, because I also uncovered that lying goes against Robin’s number one most important rule; thou shalt not lie!

uncovered that Robin had a powerful global belief that was holding her back from peak performance in all areas of her life. When I asked her to fill in this sentence, “Life

The other difficulty with this concept for Robin is because to “lie” to herself would not be fulfilling her top need for certainty; it would create a state of uncertainty, because it is not her usual pattern.

Uncertainty is NOT her emotional home. Calling a spade, a spade, being all or nothing, and thinking black and white is Robin’s emotional AND intellectual home, so that is always where she will want to return to.

That’s what creates that emotional pattern for her; the need to always tell herself the truth.

is ___,” she came up with, “life is a crapshoot.”

Wait, how did she formalize that global belief about life? Well, she had lost a parent when she was very young. How does all this affect her riding? Well, if it’s not ultimately under her power whether or not she wins, then her brain assumes she doesn’t have to really engage and pay attention to the details when she rides … it can relax and take a vacay from all that work because, in the end, it won’t matter if it works hard or not.

We have to explore how calling a spade a spade has been detrimental in her life. She has to feel the pain of looking at things like that, and then associate massive pleasure with pretending to have faith in herself all the way to winning. Yes, creating your own reality for success, it’s all about lying to yourself or acting as if.

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How well can you ride when you don’t pay attention to the details? You know, the little details like riding the right course? (Not to mention the obvious dangers of riding without thinking!)

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So yes, forgetting the course in the jumper ring the

issues, we have to look at the secondary gain. For

second day was ALL ABOUT the self-concept of being

example, if we are an overweight person that just can’t

“not enough and less than.” Certainly, an Equestrian Rockstar doesn’t ride the wrong course. Equestrian

stay on a healthy eating plan, what are we gaining from remaining overweight? Are we gaining the feeling of

Rockstars would take extreme ownership of executing

building a wall around ourselves? The feeling of being

every detail. Why take extreme ownership if it all comes

protected and less exposed? The comfort that all the other women won’t feel envious of us?

down to luck, and whatever you do is not perfect and therefore not good enough?

How can we overcome all these traps? How can we

Does the Old Robin also have an unconscious fear

just simply WANT to win without “our story” dragging

of winning too many times? Does she have a fear of

us down? Can we focus on our need for significance to override the need for certainty and love and connection

alienating others that did not win? Is it more important to win, or to have a family unit at the barn and the

with our teammates?

shows? Is this fear because she doesn’t want to lose

For example, women who are anorexic … they utilize the “trick” of using their need for significance and the certainty of control as their driving force. If they can stay

someone again?

How did that affect the rules that drive her life? Did she also grow up with a rule that people should not boast

thin (which our society places a high value on), they feel like a winner and superior to the rest of the world that is overweight, and then they will not want to eat and they

or brag about their wins? That it’s not polite? That it will make other people jealous, and then they won’t like her? (I was from that generation too; before the “social media” technology boom of promoting and branding

will lose weight. If their whole life feels out of control (because if you call a spade a spade, life really IS a crapshoot AND they are running away from growing up),

yourself as soon as you can learn to read and write!)

then at least an anorexic can have the certainty of being in control of something in their life!

What is the meaning that she gives to the word “humility?” Is her inability to not “own” and accept the

So, choosing to focus on a strong, driving force inside

ribbons her idea of remaining humble? Isn’t that kind of taking the humility thing to the extreme? Does she have

of us is how we can use our other basic human needs for leverage. We have to look at the leverages that will work best for each one of us. But again, it starts with not wanting the bad pattern of being a perfectionist and discounting our wins. We have to feel the massive pain and consequences of having that negative pattern. Then, we have to associate massive pleasure with overcoming that pattern and staying focused on the vision for the dream that we are striving for. If we have a high need for significance, that leverage may do it.

that inflexible and fallible belief that she shouldn’t ever feel good about winning?

WAIT, WHAT IS YOUR REAL GOAL? WINNING FOR YOURSELF, OR LOSING FOR YOUR FRIENDS? These are all the Old Robin patterns that are driving her life, so she has to really visualize and feel who she wants to be in the future (such as an Equestrian Rockstar), and then step into that New Robin now and practice it in her thoughts and actions all day long.

She can’t operate as Old Robin all day and then show up in the ring and push a button that suddenly turns on the New Robin, the Equestrian Rockstar. She might perform somewhat better, yes, but not as well and not as consistently as she would if she practiced being the New Robin 24/7 in all areas of her life.

Robin also said to me, “My persona is that of confidence, but on my inside, that is not the truth.” My answer?

You don’t always need confidence inside to win. But become a good actor, lie to yourself and pretend you are confident, and watch how well your muscle memory from all that training will kick in when you act as if you believe you can win!

When we can’t give up a bad habit or a disempowering pattern, such as sabotaging ourselves with all these

Your reality is whatever you choose it to be. We all live

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in our own realities (some of them we have created are

Listen, there is a difference between the perfectionist

like living in hell), and we all can choose a different

who implies, “You’re not perfect and it wasn’t good

reality. How do we do that?

enough again (and never will be) because you messed up here and there,” and the perfectionist who thinks

Well, you may call it lying to yourself, but if you want to

like this: “I rode well and I’m excited to have feedback

be successful in life, you need to lie to yourself.

of how to ride even better next time! I have high, attainable standards and I WILL achieve those goals.”

You need to be an actor. And a very good one at that!

One is disempowering and the other is the complete

You need to learn the role, memorize the script, put on the costume, and you need to step into the character

opposite.

and practice that role all day long.

But you have to have a strong WHY for doing this, and

It may not be what your trainer is saying or the exact words that your trainer uses. It may be how you are

you have to be willing to accept the consequences; the

hearing it or internalizing it; the meaning that you’re

time and sacrifices required to train. What is the reason

giving to the words or the tone of that person’s voice.

And the meaning creates the emotions inside of you.

to work on becoming the New You with an attitude of ALL IN for achieving your goals for personal best?

But even if your trainer IS saying the “wrong words,” change the meaning of those words yourself. Take the

And finally, what if your trainer is also a perfectionist?

power away from those negative words. Say instead, “I’m excited about my win. I rode great and here is how I am

“My trainer is just like me. He’s a perfectionist,” Robin says to me with pride in her voice. Why does she say that with pride? Because Robin and her trainer both have high standards, and “everyone knows it’s a fact

going to ride even better tomorrow!”

Don’t give the control of your emotions over to others.

You are in control of the meaning that you give to words

that having high standards is a good thing.”

and events, regardless of what is being said and what

What was Robin’s last lingering fear? Giving up her high standards. Whether she reached those standards or not, due to her perfectionism, that was not really the problem as much as it was the fear of not having high standards.

is happening around you. You are in control of winning, and celebrating that win, regardless of anything! If that is what you choose.

She was doing her all or nothing thinking again and

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

drawing her inflexible line in the sand … again … wait for it … she could not lower her standards AT ALL and still like herself. She just couldn’t live with that. That was not who she was.

Nancy Dye is an equestrian breakthrough mindset coach and resilience trainer helping people to transform the quality of their lifestyles.

Well, here’s a solution. Change the word! Instead of being a perfectionist who beats yourself up for not being perfect, what if you added into your New Robin identity that you were a person with “high achievable standards?” Now that’s something “do-able” that your brain can actually wrap itself around and get excited about working on to move forward! Doesn’t that feel better? Yes, she loved it!

Nancy specializes in solving the puzzle of why people are not performing at their best and customizing the right strategy for “jumping over” adversity. She handles all areas of a rider’s lifestyle to include relationships, career, addictions, weight loss, health and transitioning through life stages.

Nancy is certified as a strategic interventionist from the official coach training program of Tony Robbins and has over 30 years as a change agent; shifting people into peak performance.

With a past career in corporate sales and as a luxury lifestyle Realtor, Nancy has been coached by some the top sales trainers in the corporate world, as well as by some of the most elite coaches in the world of sports. Nancy redesigns the inner lives of athletes, executives, entrepreneurs, and elite military and veterans.

Nancy is married to Jack Miles, a former Olympian gymnast who is inducted into four athletic Hall of Fames. For one-on-one coaching or information on her workshops or riding clinics, Nancy can be reached at: NancyDyeResults@gmail.com; EliteLifestyleTransformations.com

Most of the time the solutions can be found hiding in between the black and white/all or nothing thinking. You just need to be open to looking outside of your rigid box.

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