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THE LUCKY GENERATION

Why Baby Boomers have it all

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

CRUISING

Papua New Guinea THE OPPOSITE OF REACHER

Nathan Blackwellâ€™s crime debut

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nzherald.co.nz | The New Zealand Herald | Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Back to being us again... After losing his beloved wife Keitha, Reg Morris felt a bit lost. Reg thought that he was doing ok. He could cook and he was happy with his own company. How wever, after he was involved in a serious car crash he strug ggled with being g dependent on family to drive him to hosspital appointments. He did not want to be a burden. With encouragement from his family, Reg began to investigate retirement villages and popp ped into a Ryman village. ”It was just a difffferent f attmosphere, a difffferent attitude. I thought that’s prettty good.” What stood out for Reg was that everyyone was so happy, and that included both residentss and staffff. f Before Reg moved into his serviced ap partment, visits with his son Greg were really assessments of Reg’s wellbeing. “Has the cleaner been? Have you remembered to turn the electric fry pan off?” Now he’s moved in they can be happy being father and son again. The icing on the cake is having extra help, which alleviates worry. For Reg’s family, knowing that help is at hand is extremely important. They can relax in the knowledge that Reg doesn’t have to shift again as there is a full continuum of care if he needs it. Reg was sold on the ﬁrst day when a few bottles of Old Dark were brought up to his room. “That set me offfff on the right foot,” he laughs.

To see Reg’s full story or for more information about the Ryman difference visit www.rymanhealthcare.co.nz or phone Josie on 0800 000 290

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nzherald.co.nz | The New Zealand Herald | Tuesday, September 26, 2017

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Editor Greg Fleming gregory.fleming@nzme.co.nz

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Advertising enquiries Ben Trethewey ben.trethewey@nzme.co.nz Contributing writers Greg Fleming, Paul Casserly, Sarah O’Neil, Ewan McDonald, Dani Wright, Joanna Mathers Cover design Gina Lenssen The next issue of +Plus will be published on November 28. +Plus is a NZME Commercial Publication

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nzherald.co.nz | The New Zealand Herald | Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Baby boomers have worked hard for their retirement, says Sandra Stewart (below).

Self-assured and with a good work ethic all their lives, baby boomers are re-writing the ageing process to become the lucky generation, writes Danielle Wright

Picture/ Getty Images; Supplied

s home ownership becomes further out of reach for new-home buyers, and crippling student debts make life more difficult for millennials, the baby boomers are finally reaping the rewards of their hard work — but, have they always had generational luck on their side? One baby boomer, Wellingtonborn Sandra Stewart, 70, who retired three years ago, says her generation has been very lucky in life but they’ve also worked hard, stayed healthy and not given up when they saw the need for societal change. “Apart from the Vietnam war, we’ve never had a war like our parents and grandparents, who all knew someone affected by combat,” says Ms Stewart. “There also hasn’t been a really bad economic depression for us, either. We’ve definitely had scares, but mainly it’s been a pretty easy ride for baby boomers.” After struggling with high homeloan interest rates (at one point she was paying 19 per cent interest on her mortgage), Ms Stewart now owns her home and has low debt. Many of her generation had free education, and in New Zealand the public education system at the time was excellent. In terms of health, she says baby boomers are better off than previous generations, thanks largely to still seeing cooking as more appealing than convenience foods, as well as knowledge on how to grow their own food; a skill passed down by their parents. “Without children to care for and high mortgage responsibilities, we can now travel or start businesses after retirement,” says Ms Stewart. “We all still feel young, so it’s a time when we can do all the things we’ve wanted to do all our lives, but never had the time or money.” So far this year, Ms Stewart has travelled to Sri Lanka, China, Vietnam and Melbourne, making the most of what’s known as a SKI holiday, or ‘Spending the Kids’ Inheritance’. After a career in property management, and the burden of raising three children as a single parent, as well as

THE LUCKY

GENERATION

working in a health food cafe three nights a week to make ends meet, she says she’s earnt her ‘lucky’ retirement. Her strong work ethic has still seen her exploring volunteer positions in tourism, such as working in visitor centres, airport lounges and as a tour guide, which is a new passion for her.

it’s changed from the last time you did it,” says Ms Stewart, adding that libraries are great resources to help older people master the technological skills younger people take for granted. She also believes older people get overlooked, as if they’re no longer seen when entering shops and are

We are a lucky generation because we have so many choices. It’s as simple as choosing to stay young or choosing to get old – a lot of it is in your mind Sandra Stewart

Other benefits that come with age include free off-peak bus travel and other discounts through the SuperGold seniors card, as well as seniors meals at many places. But, there are some downsides. “It’s hard to keep up with all the technological changes — even to access bank details and pensions you have to log in and it seems every time

Retirement living, your way

often left without anyone asking if they need help. “It feels like younger people think of us as bludgers, because we might get a discount, but we’ve worked hard and saved to get where we have,” says Ms Stewart. “We didn’t have credit cards when we were young, you had to save up for what you bought, so most of us are very

careful with our money and either spend it, or give it to our kids.” There’s also the worry of aged care to contend with, but baby boomers aren’t taking the worry lying down and changes are already being put into place so they don’t suffer the same experiences as their parents may have. “That’s something we’re all determined to change, we won’t just give up on life, we want to keep our mind and bodies healthy,” says Ms Stewart. “You hear terrible tales of aged care, but also the positive ones. It’s awful when you see old people being treated like children in retirement, though, they really do still know how to live after all those years.” Despite the balancing act between good and bad, she believes getting old is not the worst thing in life. “It’s actually quite uplifting to get older, you get calmer and things don’t worry you so much,” says Ms Stewart. “I sometimes wish the younger generation knew that life will turn out better. If you’re healthy, that’s all the luck you need.” Having lived through the 60s, baby boomers had hope because many refused to buckle down and do what was expected, and that’s what they are clinging to in the face of retirement options and the desire for them to change. “We’ve always forced change, maybe because of sheer numbers or because we’re dogmatic,” says Ms Stewart. “Women’s rights, for instance — when I first started working after my divorce there were letters in the

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newspaper saying women with children shouldn’t work — everyone was very anti mothers working back then.” She says that has been a huge change with mothers now able to become doctors and lawyers and have more opportunities, as well as the opportunity to look after themselves financially. “So many of us have shaped the way society is, we’ve changed things,” says Ms Stewart. “In my mother’s day, when women got to 30 they had to dress a certain way. Baby boomers have refused to grow up and we dress quite modern compared to previous generations — we all feel young, whether we are or not.” She believes baby boomers still have a lot to contribute to society after retirement, especially in terms of acting as mentors part-time or pairing older people with young kids to impart knowledge with reading or crafts. “We are a lucky generation because we have so many choices,” says Ms Stewart. “It’s as simple as choosing to stay young or choosing to get old — a lot of it is in your mind.” And for those mindful millennials feeling sour grapes about how good the baby boomers have it, just remember they are paving the way for the rest of us — who knows what retirement will look like once baby boomers and thrown their luck and passion behind its transformation. As William Shakespeare wrote: “With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.”

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nzherald.co.nz | The New Zealand Herald | Tuesday, September 26, 2017

The opposite of

Greg Fleming talks to the mystery man behind a gripping new crime novel

Nathan Blackwell, crime writer. Picture / Ted Baghurst

“... you have to be the professional. You maintain your composure. That’s what everyone expects. So you cut away from the brutality, the blood, the bodies, the trauma, the pain — job in this box, emotions over here in this one. Then you bury that box. You bury it deep.” It’s dark stuff and Blackwell likes it that way. “I watched the first season of True Detective and I liked how that was negative until the very last moment, and I hadn’t seen that in a movie or novel before. I knew it would turn some readers off, but I wanted to put out something that was different and realistic.” The next 300 pages of The Sound of her Voice chart the results of years of dealing with the worst crimes imaginable. Bad guys get away, the court system lets victims down — homicide investigations proceed at a snail’s pace. “It sure wasn’t as glamorous as TV pretended” ponders Buchanan at one point, “And the main characters were a shitload uglier too”. (There’s a nice streak of black humour running throughout the book.) It was after reading Simon Wyatt’s 2016 thriller The Student Body (Wyatt was another detective who Blackwell served alongside) that he thought about trying to get the manuscript published. In person, Blackwell’s smart and focused — not unlike his fictional detective Matt Buchanan — but the

As a cop, your job is to be the sounding board, the voice of hope, the link between them and the wheels of the legal system. It's a very tough, long process. Nathan Blackwell

tortured hero of the book is a carefully controlled construct masking a life in turmoil. “No, no, Matt’s not me, although he’s definitely based on experiences and people I’ve met in my career. I never felt the need to seek any help for trauma. I never suffered PTSD. I still love the police and everything about it and would go back if this job doesn’t work out,” says Blackwell, who has seen his fair share of cases go south in the courtroom, a fact he portrays powerfully in the novel. He says he admires the detective programme here, and believes it one of the best in the world — (“It’ll give the FBI a run for it’s money”). “As a cop, your job is to be the sounding board, the voice of hope, the link between them and the wheels of the legal system. It's a very tough, long process. I think I've tried to bring that out in the book. I definitely worked harder on those cases than anything else, because you get to know those people. You see them

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take the stand to give evidence, holding it together, giving it everything. And then the lawyers break them down. It's horrible.” And it turns out that the bad guys aren’t much different from the rest of us. A likeable police informant, Pete, in the book is based on the crims he’s met while investigating Auckland’s meth trade. “They get hooked on meth, can’t afford it, start dealing it, then learn how to cook it thinking they’ll be able to do it for themselves. But then the gangs come knocking at the door and say ‘hey you’re going to cook for us’. Most of these guys are normal people, they have tradie backgrounds and get into it because a lot of the chemicals used in the process they are familiar with. “They’re trapped and don’t see any way out of what they’re doing. If they were to go on record and stand up in court they know they’d get a hiding or worse — so a lot of drug informants are meth cooks and dealers. They’re

pleasant people to talk to, strange as that may sound. They’ve made a lot of wrong decisions and end up in a downward spiral. They’re usually bottom of the chain; they take the big risk, and face life in prison if they get caught and it’s very dangerous health wise. “There’s threats from police, threats from the gangs — it’s not a good place to be, and nobody really wants to be in that situation.” I ask him if writing the novel was therapeutic. “It didn’t start off that way. The initial thought was to portray the CIB realistically; in a way that it hadn’t been shown before. But while writing the book I was able to get out my frustrations with a lot of things like the court system and the laws around meth.” Blackwell’s in favour of decriminalisation and treating addiction as a health and education issue. “I think the public have a misconception around the police. Most police hold the same views as the majority of the New Zealand population but they have to operate by the law.” “In many ways, Matt Buchanan’s the opposite of Jack Reacher,” he says. “Reacher doesn’t have to play by the rules but cops do. My goal going in was not to sell books but to show how cops think in their heads. I didn’t want to clean it up too much, because cops aren’t robots and that interior voice is often at odds with how they do their job.”

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t’s a miserable, rain-drenched morning when I meet crime novelist Nathan Blackwell. That’s fitting as it’s raining constantly in his gripping debut novel The Sound Of Her Voice (an atmospheric marker reminiscent of David Fincher’s equally bleak noir movie Seven). But it’s the book’s subtitle that better gets to the heart of the matter — one cop’s descent into darkness. I can’t tell you a lot about Nathan Blackwell (a pseudonym he made up quickly from a scan of some friends’ Facebook pages), as his time in Auckland’s CIB covert operations team means he has to keep his true name and identity hidden. “It’s not like there’s a target on my head,” he tells me. It’s just that revealing his true identity might impact on continuing investigations. What I can tell you is this: he was in the police for 10 years where he investigated a wide range of cases including drug manufacture, child abuse, corruption, serious violence, rape and murder. He attended Westlake Boys’ High School, is now in his 30s and works for a “government agency”; he’s fit, lean and personable and he’s written during the last two-and-a-half years — (sometimes a paragraph a day after work — one hell of a cop novel. It’s an insider’s view that deals with the real and tragic consequences of drugs, crime and abuse, on criminals, victims, families and cops. Blackwell’s intention was to bring a sense of realism to a genre where writers often sidestep workday realities in favour of big thrills and swift plot progression. His strategy was to give the book over to one cop — Matt Buchanan — a widowed, damaged, but diligent detective who has been in the job too long. If Buchanan’s first-person account of life on Auckland’s mean streets is sometimes indistinguishable from Blackwell’s — “Nearly every adult I’d ever met in the course of my work who had serious anger, personality or drug issues had been abused as a kid. Physically, sexually, emotionally — or a combo” (Buchanan) — it’s a frisson that, for the most part, works. Even when Blackwell touches on real life cases, such as the Jane Furlong investigation. When a police psychiatrist diagnoses Buchanan as a “highly functioning depressive”, he nods, goes home and downs the prescribed anti-depressants with bourbon. Buchanan is a smart, diligent cop. He knows there’s something very wrong with him but just trudges on regardless.

REACHER

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nzherald.co.nz | The New Zealand Herald | Tuesday, September 26, 2017

The trip to Italy Ewan McDonald eats in Tuscany, Naples and Bologna without leaving Auckland

hat lunch in Orvieto where the elderly, bow-tied and black-aproned waiter grated cricket-ball sized truffle over the pasta. The father-and-son backalley dive in Venice, when we thought he was offering “mice” but he was saying “maize”. The 24-course degustation at Dario Cecchini’s trattoria in Tuscany, with the butcherchef spouting Dante and disembowelling Verdi. Ah, the memories. But Italian food never tastes the same outside Italy. Is it the ingredients? Is it the cooking? Is it the weather? Is it just that we’re not in Cannaregio now, Toto? WE SHALL begin this trip around several of Auckland’s “Italian” restaurants with some Gusto. “Italian” because, as every TV cooking show/coffee-table cookbook/food bore tells you, there’s no such thing as Italian cuisine; there’s a road trip of regional recipes. And Gusto because it was Herself’s birthday and I invited her to Sean Connolly’s Italian inspired diningroom in the SkyCity Grand. It seemed suitably flash, I thought: marble tabletops, dark wooden furniture and decorative greenery. The decor is as reminiscent of a Tuscan or Umbrian village trattoria as interior design consultants could contrive inside the lobby of an international hotel. Connolly gets straight-up, honest food, well-executed, just right, both here and at The Grill next door. There are no airs, graces, fizzes or deconstructions and few surprises on this menu. Be aware that it’s based on sharing plates, and some of those would feed mamma, papa and half a dozen bambini. We ordered as many tastes as we thought we could decently manage — an amuse, a pasta, a smaller plate, a main dish each — but even the waiter sighed. The veal cutlet, on its own, was the size of a dinner plate; if we wanted to eat that much, we should have brought the Juventus football squad. Gusto’s food and service was excellent; its wine, pretty good. Problem: it was all but empty on a Saturday night, and if there’s one thing that a rustic trattoria in Umbria has, it’s plenty of loud and happy people. WHITE-TILED,

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Clockwise: Pasta & Cuore, Mt Eden Rd (top); Pasta & Cuore’s Spaghetti with gorgonzola, walnut and rocket; Spacca Pizza E Cucina, Remuera. Pictures / Michael Craig; Guy Coombes

shopfront Spacca is not so much a restaurant as a neighbourhood eatery. Another friend and I met up early to swap stories in this cheekby-jowl place, only a few tables and counter seating, lots of takeaway custom. I don’t quite know how it happened but the family next to us was talking about their imminent trip to Italy and the waiter intervened and the next thing, we were swapping tips about Arezzo and Assisi and why you should never miss Spoleto or Gubbio. I think the family left confused as to where they should go, other than home to ask TripAdvisor.

Spacca takes its name from Naples’ main drag; chef Gaetano Spinosa, once of O’Sarracino, and owner Gino Buonocore come from there, and so does the food. Pizza, of course; pasta and seafood, naturally; just four classic meat dishes. Spacca’s vibe was excellent, tiny and crowded and buzzy; its wine, okay. Problem: my schnitzel dish had too much salt, too little flavour and swam in wine. And if there’s one thing that a family-run osteria in Napoli has, it’s simple, strong, gutsy flavours. WOULD ANYONE get it right? Would anyone bring back that evening in

Bologna, underneath the arches of the old city, the poetry of that perfect ragu? A third friend and I agreed on Pasta e Cuore in Mt Eden Village, because we’d meant to eat there and never quite got around to it. Well, I hadn’t. “I’ve been here three times in the past fortnight,” she said as we sat down to a homely table in the upstairs dining room, which feels like someone’s grandmother’s parlour, especially when someone’s grandmother’s handwritten recipes are framed and hung on the walls, and reproduced in the little book that passes for a menu.

Especially when that granddaughter is the chef/owner: Stefania Ugolini, taught to cook by her grandmother, worked in a country trattoria (maybe the one where they got the idea for Gusto’s decor) and later in Bologna. If you’re going to serve this heartland food, it helps to come from the heartland of parmesan, prosciutto, mozzarella and balsamic. Like Spacca, Pasta & Cuore has a shopfront where locals buy handmade pasta and ready-meals. There’s a courtyard out back, which produces the kitchen’s herbs and some greens and may get sunny sometime this year, as well as the parlour. For antipasto, soft cheese on a regional flatbread; pasta for her — tortolloni with butter and sage; for me, spaghetti with an idyllic, creamy gorgonzola sauce, walnuts and rocket. From there we cut straight to the chasers, panna cotta and tiramisu. Dante imagined nine spheres of paradise. After my road trip around Auckland, I’d settle for this one.

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nzherald.co.nz | The New Zealand Herald | Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Get into the vegetable garden S

Sarah O’Neil

pring is the perfect time to get into the garden and create your own vegetable patch, and there are many compelling reasons as to why you should. Here are just a few to convince you. The freshness can’t be beaten There is a special advantage to growing your own food that only the home gardener can experience. Fresh produce, eaten within moments of being harvested has a quality about it that isn’t found anywhere else. The sugars that ordinarily convert to starches in the days, hours or even minutes after being removed from the plant or pulled from the ground, make the vegetables taste sweeter — particularly in crops such as carrots, sweetcorn and asparagus. Peppers, salad and celery also have a fresh crispness that makes growing them worthwhile. You know where it’s been In this day and age, there can be a fear of the unknown — what has happened to the food in the stores or while it was growing? How long has it been since it was harvested? In general, what has been done to it? This can be why many people grow their own vegetables — so they can take back the control. If it needs to be sprayed, then an informed de-

cision can be made about what will be sprayed on their food crops. And after all the effort to grow clean crops, gardeners are prepared to chop out any imperfections and happily eat the rest. Cutting costs Recently the cost of vegetables has been climbing — especially after the weather-related crop failures recently. So, growing your own can make sense, but you need to be sensible if you are gardening to cut costs. For many people, gardening is a hobby so there is a vast array of exciting gadgets and things that are available to enhance the gardening experience. However, if your motivation is purely cost cutting — in most situations you don’t need a fancy raised bed — just turn over the soil and pop in a seed. Growing crops your family will actually eat is also a good idea so nothing is wasted. Or you could luxury vegetables to live like kings for next to nothing. Teaching kids Gardening used to be a life skill handed down at the knee of a parent or grandparent, and returning to the garden can not only invoke wonderful memories for those taught that way, but it is also rewarding to pass the knowledge of where food comes from and how it grows to children. This can be in your own backyard

Growing your own food can be very rewarding.

or by offering to help out at a school garden. This will ensure this important life skill will be kept alive and handed on to future generations. Kids who grow food are much more likely to eat it — or at least try it. More often than not they are more willing to eat it right there in the garden than they are off a plate. Always learning The mind is always kept active when you’re gardening, because even if you have been growing your own vegetables for 50 years or more, you still never know everything.

From the moment the gardener learns the basics by putting seed in the ground, the garden begins to teach you; how to grow in a windy season, how to grow in a wet season, how to deal with re-occurring rust on garlic, how to get a better yield from a tomato. There is so much knowledge to gain and it is fascinating. Feeding family and friends There is a certain pride that can come from putting food on the table that you have had a hand in creating from scratch, not just in the kitchen but during the previous few months in

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the garden. Vegetables often grow in abundance and there is always an excess that can be shared. The gift of giving is also very rewarding, be it to friends and neighbours or helping out the local food bank. Sarah O'Neil is an author, blogger and passionate gardener writing about the trials and tribulations of growing food for her family. Her books The Good Life and Play in the Garden and the recently released Growing Vegetables are available at all good bookstores. sarahthegardener.co.nz

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nzherald.co.nz | The New Zealand Herald | Tuesday, September 26, 2017

ON LY

.9 7

NTIL 12 years ago Paul Mears was an active serving fire officer who loved nothing more than playing with his kids at the weekends and playing rugby for his local club. But a game of rugby was the beginning of his problems. Two accidents in as many years left him a completely changed man. First, he broke his left ankle during a game and then 17 months later he suffered a fall at work that left him with seriously damaged ligaments and tendons in his right knee and ankle. His prognosis was not good. After two operations and endless hours of physio he was still unable to walk without the aid of a walking stick. He was forced to retire from the fire service and the pain and discomfort steadily got worse. “I tried all kinds of pills, creams, gels and therapies but none of them took away the incredible pain I was in. The soles of my feet, ankles, legs and knees would swell up within minutes of standing up in the morning. To add to that, arthritis started to set in and it left me almost crippled at times.” I asked Paul how he dealt with it mentally? “Not good… not very good at all! I couldn't move around so all I did was sit and eat. Then I got really depressed and ate even more. I ended up putting on nearly three stone and obviously that put even more weight, pressure and agony through my bones and joints. It was such a vicious circle… I even had to get antidepressants from the doctor.” But on the day I met with Paul he was walking fine. He didn’t appear to be in any pain, no walking stick and no sign of depression. He even insisted we do the interview in the park as it was such a nice day. So I asked him what had made such a dramatic difference? A delighted look came over his face as he explained “My nephew Simon is a physio in the Army

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ankle and knee joints. Within a couple of days the swelling had gone down.” That was over two months ago and Paul was more than happy to show me that he no longer has any swelling and that he’s completely pain free, apart from the odd twinge when the weather is cold. On top of that, he has also lost over a stone and is well on the way to being his old self again – he’s even off the antidepressants after consulting with his doctor.

“I was gobsmacked! Within about an hour of wearing them I had a walk in the garden and could immediately feel the difference. I felt lighter on my feet, there was much less pressure through my

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nzherald.co.nz | The New Zealand Herald | Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Give me the shock factor Paul Casserly TV review

ring on the truly adult shows, ones that make you work a bit, ones that challenge preconceptions or shock or surprise us. I want some titillation for sure, but make it real, make me cry while you’re at it too. On the surface, most television gives the pretence of treating us like adults but so much misses the mark. Usually, they over-explain, or overdose on cliches. Often, the bad guys are made of jib. The heroes are made of marble with a heart of marshmallow. Sure, everything is full HD in millions of colours but somehow it’s all so black and white. Common complaint: the grumpy cop who ranks higher than our protagonist and gives out orders in 12, 24, and 48-hour increments. Why is it never “you have a couple of days or so” to carry out the unorthodox plan to find the killer, serial rapist, or international terrorist? At least give me an odd number from time to time, “you have 33 hours to go catch that white-collar criminal!” In many ways, David Simon’s latest production, The Deuce, (Soho) is an orgy of cliches, but he of all people can be relied upon to fashion something rather fetching from the hoariest of chestnuts. Set in a beautifully rendered 1970s New York, (Deuce is a nickname for 42nd Street) this already feels as authentically glorious as his previous works, such as the fabled The Wire and less-loved but solid Treme. He’s also back with ace collaborator George Pelecanos, with whom he’s done his best work. There are also clear nods to the great gritty New York films of the ’70s: Taxi Driver, Dog Day Afternoon, etc. If you’ve ever been to New York pretty much any time up to the mid90s, you’ll recognise the preDisneyfied Times Square setting of The Deuce; the trash on the streets, the XXX cinemas, the grime. But even if you’ve only been to Kings Cross or K’Rd you’ll know the look. There seems to be an international palate for these places, a bustling patina of worn architecture, pent up sex and if you’re lucky, neon. The art direction and attention to detail are of the highest order and for most of the first episode of this series, I was unusually transfixed by the street scenes, like a man in a gallery eyeballing the brush strokes on a Hopper or Caravaggio. I rewound a few just to soak up the street vibe again. That detail is also felt via the script with Simon’s wonderful dialogue, dialled back from usual

Maggie Gyllenhaal (above) in The Deuce; George Pelecanos and David Simon (left). Pictures / Supplied; Getty Images

hyperbolic TV drama carry on. The Deuce is about the birth of commercial and legal porn in the modern world. It’s also about a guy, or two guys to be exact. Both are played by James Franco. The

identical twin bros are loosely based on real-life characters who worked the fleshpots of ’70s New York. Hookers, pimps, Mafiosi, it could so easily have been a clusterf*** of cliche, but with Simon and Pelecanos

at the helm, fear not, there are adults in charge. They’re not selling sex as much as detailing exploitation. That said, they have fun along the way, it is a fine line between sexy and sexist after all, to quote Spinal Tap. Like Franco, the wonderful Maggie Gyllenhaal also co-produces. She stars as Candy, a streetwalker doing it for herself rather than working under a pimp. She is, of course, a walking cliche, the hooker with a heart. But before long, we start to see the depth of her character, the motivations that will presumably compel her into a grim life of making porn rather than the much grimmer life on the street. It’s a luminous performance. In one scene, a phone message left by Candy’s mum, who looks after her child back home somewhere, much is revealed. I replayed that moment too, just audio down a phone line, so perfect was the tone, the dialogue, a tiny detail so artfully rendered that it rips your heart. I suspect there are millions of these luminous spheres to be had in the coming weeks. The Toast of London Meanwhile in The Toast of London

(Netflix), Steven Toast, middling actor, hopeless ladies man and casual misanthrope, is suffering from the sort of arrested development that makes for thigh-slapping comedy. He’s one of the great man-babies of the genre, up there with David Brent, Larry David, and Homer Simpson. Toast is played by Matt Berry, a recidivist scene-stealer on other great comedies such as The Mighty Boosh, and The IT Crowd, thanks in part to his booming voice and a face that somehow says ’70s porn star and Baron Von someone or other at the same time. Toast, the show, has the DNA of absurdist British-comedy greatness too, going back to Monty Python if not all the way to The Goon Show. Naturally, it’s bawdy as all get out, with sex ever-present but played at a high pitch and played for laughs. Toast has a plethora of nemeses, all with terrific names, there’s Ray Purchase, (whom Toast is cuckolding) and Clem Fandango, an ad-industry grotesque who might be greatest archenemy since Seinfeld’s “Newman”. All three series are to be found on Netflix. It’s tremendous fun, for adults of all ages.

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nzherald.co.nz | The New Zealand Herald | Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Discovering Eden P&O Cruises still know how to throw a party but this revitalised line has come a long way since the 80s and 90s, discovers Tiana Templeman

ver run into someone you haven’t seen in years and been amazed by how fabulous they look? That is exactly how my husband and I feel when we board P&O Cruises’ Pacific Eden. We have not sailed with P&O since the 1990s, when our South Pacific cruise was memorable for all the wrong reasons, and cannot believe how much the line has changed. The hard-partying, lowbudget vibe of old has been replaced by glamorous bars, upmarket specialty dining, attractive public spaces and family fun. New Itinerary It had been a long time coming but we decided to give P&O Cruises another try because it was one of the few lines cruising regularly to Papua New Guinea, one of the South Pacific’s most stunning emerging cruising destinations. P&O Cruises launched its first Papua New Guinea itinerary in late 2013, and the region’s growing popularity has seen departures available from Brisbane, Sydney and Cairns, with itineraries of up to 14 nights. Our route would take us to four ports in the Milne Bay Province, including the area’s capital, Alotau, and three stunning and culturally rich islands. Being first-time visitors to Papua New Guinea we decided on a modest seven-night round-trip cruise from Cairns. We agreed this would be long enough to get a feel for the destination (and the new look P&O) but not too long if we didn’t like it. It takes one day to reach Papua New Guinea from Cairns, which gives our family time to explore the ship. At around half the size of megaships such as Ovation of the Seas, Pacific Eden shows that sometimes good things come in small packages. It might not have the bells and whistles of larger ships, but Pacific Eden’s compact size means it can dock at more ports and there is still plenty to do. We challenge ourselves at the P&O Edge Adventure Park, an outdoor activities area on the top deck with 14 options to scare

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For more information on P&O Cruises departing from Australia and New Zealand, please see a licensed travel agent, visit pocruises.co.nz or call 0800 780 716.

A P&O ship docked at Kiriwina Island; the zipline at the P&O Edge Adventure Park (left).

ourselves silly, such as walk the plank, ropes courses, funnel climbing and abseiling. While this costs extra it is worth the spend. We fly through the air on a zipline high above the pool deck, waving at passengers far below, then have lunch at The Pantry, a light and airy dining area, which has replaced the traditional cruise-ship buffet. With a choice of eight different outlets ranging from salads to fish and chips and spicy Indian, this spot is another pleasant surprise. Dining Unlike many cruise lines, dining at almost every onboard restaurant including the specialties, Angelo’s and Dragon Lady, is free. Our son’s favourite is Angelo’s, a contemporary Italian restaurant with white linennapped tables and a shiny Vespa out the front. Surrounded by classic black-and-white photographs, we dine on fennel-and-spinach risotto and carbonara with a twist. Angelo’s, and the entire ship, is impressively luxe for a mid-priced cruise experience. However, in some ways, this is also P&O’s greatest downfall.

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Like all of P&O Cruises’ Australian and New Zealand ships, Pacific Eden once sailed for another cruise line. Previously known as Holland America Line's Statendam, the 24-year-old ship was treated to a multi-million dollar refurbishment prior to joining the P&O fleet. When you are surrounded by such upmarket surrounds, it is easy to forget this is not a five-star cruise line, except perhaps when you are inside your cabin. These have not been renovated and still feature traditional old-world Holland America Line decor, which does not match the ship's otherwise modern look. However, our oceanview cabin is more than comfortable and has plenty of room for our family of three. Provided you keep your expectations reasonable, P&O Cruises generally overdeliver. Island life The first stop on our cruise is Alotau, the capital of Milne Bay Province in south-eastern Papua New Guinea, which played a pivotal role in the Battle of Milne Bay in 1942. War history tours are popular here but other options, such as sightseeing bus trips, cooking classes and village visits, are also available. While there are no formal cruise-ship shore excursions at many of the other ports, this is a delight rather than a disappointment. At the tiny island of Kitava, located

just off the larger Trobiand Island of Kiriwina, bare-chested islanders greet us with flower leis and shy smiles. Rows of elaborately decorated bamboo rafts line the shore, ready to transfer passengers to a sandy atoll that looks so idyllic it resembles a postcard. Our rollicking boat ride to the tiny island costs 5 kina ($2.50) and is accompanied by a fierce yet friendly race with another raft. Our win is heralded with a conch shell fanfare and we spend the morning snorkelling over pristine coral and sitting under shady trees, chatting with fellow passengers. With no mobile phone coverage or internet access available on the tiny atoll, we disconnect with the outside world and reconnect with each other. That night we move from bar to bar to catch some of our favourite musical acts. With talented musicians and groups playing everything from jazz and blues to rock, R’n’B and cocktail piano tunes, there is music to suit every mood. Our next stop is Kiriwina Island, the largest in the Trobriands, which is home to over 10,000 islanders, yet similarly undeveloped. We awake to discover Pacific Eden anchored impressively close to shore, in a deep natural harbour created by sheer rock walls that plunge into the sea. The island looks so close it feels as if we can reach out and touch the ruggedly picturesque shoreline, shallow coral reef and white beaches.

Pictures / Supplied

We cool down in the shallows and chat to kids who cruise alongside us in dugout canoes, handling their craft with the skill of seasoned sailors. English is spoken more widely here and it is easy to strike up a conversation. Back on shore, woven mats form a makeshift marketplace, selling exquisite wood carvings inlaid with mother-of-pearl. Kiriwina is famous for its carving and many passengers return to the ship with souvenirs. We don’t buy anything but our memories of this unique cruising destination are priceless. Conflict Islands Our last port is the Conflict Islands, a privately owned archipelago of 21 untouched islands surrounded by a cerulean blue lagoon, with one of the most biodiverse coral reefs in the world. P&O Cruises has exclusive visiting rights for the Conflict Islands and this is our family’s most anticipated stop of the cruise. We are up early with our snorkel gear packed, marvelling at the beautiful day outside and ready to board the first available tender boat. However, an onshore wind makes tender operations impossible and, after a sincere apology from the captain, the ship departs for the journey back to Cairns. This P&O Cruise may have been our first for many years but it won’t be our last. As the ship pulls away from the island, we are already planning our return visit.

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nzherald.co.nz | The New Zealand Herald | Tuesday, September 26, 2017

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nzherald.co.nz | The New Zealand Herald | Tuesday, September 26, 2017