Member Profile: Ben Gilmour

MEMBER PROFILE

Benjamin Gilmour

Benjamin Gilmour is a Paramedic, writer and filmmaker. He is the author of the books ‘Warrior Poets’ (Pier 9) and ‘Paramedico – Around the World by Ambulance’ (HarperCollins), a tie-in with his recent film of the same name. His latest book, ‘The Gap’, is published by Penguin Random House. He lives in Northern NSW, Australia.

Content note: this interview contains discussions of mental illness, suicide and trauma.

Can you tell us a bit about your book?

'The Gap' is about the summer of 2007/08 working as a Paramedic at Bondi, the closest response to Australia's infamous suicide spot at Watson's Bay. It was an exceptionally turbulent period for ambulance staff in the Eastern Suburbs and Central Sydney, as I reveal in the book. A heatwave, combined with the craziness of Kings Cross, Darlinghurst and Surry Hills areas pre-lockout laws and a spike in the suicide rate contributed to the impact that relationship breakdowns, my work partner John Dixon and I were having, on our private lives. It was a lethal mix with terrible consequences.

The book seems to be resonating really strongly with both Paramedics and non-paramedics alike. Who were you thinking of when you were writing it?

I wanted to connect with both but underestimated how challenging this would be. Firstly, it wasn't going to be a hero memoir. That might work for general readers, but not Paramedics. My approach was honesty and authenticity. It was time for a counterpunch to the highly curated Ambulance reality shows (or 'unreality shows' as I call them). I wanted 'The Gap' to be gritty and unsanitized, to tell it how it is, to reveal our vulnerabilities, our humanity, and explore the impact of the work on our mental health. In trying to make 'The Gap' appeal to Paramedics, it's turned out pretty confronting for the public. Some of it's outrageous, I admit. But an artist needs to be bold. There's no point beating around the bush, especially about serious issues like depression and suicide. At the same time, who wants to read a misery memoir? So, it was important to draw out as much humour as possible too. This ended up being the most unsettling factor for me. Would non-paramedic readers be able to digest the Paramedic sense of humour? Finding that balance was hard, but worth the effort. I was grateful 'The Gap' was released by Penguin Random House who've got a brilliant team of editors and helped with the tone.

Paramedics deal with traumatic situations every day, but generally you’ll always have someone there with you. Why

do you think emergency service workers often feel isolated in their experience of mental illness/injury?

You're right to say our work partners help us ride those waves of a job that has horrific lows. But where are they on our day's off? I think often we go from Paramedics we consider brothers and sisters and whom we share character traits with, to days off spent alone or with nonParamedics who may not understand us like our colleagues do. There's also the selfisolation, which I've observed over the years in myself and others. I've got theories about this. Part of it, I think, is not wanting to be a patient. We're conditioned to be the help, not need the help. We're fatigued by the rising number of 'psych jobs', many at ungodly hours of the night. Last thing we want is to be one of them. It's certainly not in my nature to reach out if I'm depressed. Being conscious of this fact is important. Self-awareness is the first step in breaking unhealthy patterns. There are many reasons people feel isolated through the mental injuries and it's hugely important to identify colleagues who are selfisolating. Because a loss of (or lack of) connection is a huge factor in severe depression and suicidality.

Are your creative pursuits a useful tool for you in processing the situations you encounter through your Paramedic work?

It helps. I've always written notes, observations, funny or tragic jobs, bits of dialogue. People have different ways of processing. I know plenty of paramedics who keep diaries. But it's not for

everyone. For others it's running or swimming, hiking or fishing. I like writing, music and surfing. Engaging with nature is good. I think there's something about the beauty of nature that helps to relieve the pain of the human experience. Working at Bondi for a decade I'd pass the beach between jobs. Just a glimpse of the ocean was usually enough to get me through busy days.

Are employers letting employees down when it comes to mental health?

Because ambulance services in Australia are so huge, change can be slow. Even when all the right mental health strategies are introduced, there'll be individual managers asleep at the wheel when it comes to staff wellbeing. In saying that, anti-bullying campaigns and the raft of new wellbeing workshops and strategies are extraordinary. Improved monitoring of incidents likely to need follow up, such as the significant events register, are also great achievements. New Paramedics can thank their predecessors, many who suffered greatly and fought hard for a healthy, positive, nurturing workplace. It takes time to win trust, especially with veteran Paramedics who are still hurting from being let down in the past. But we are heading in the right direction and I've noticed a terrific positive change in the past 2-3 years.

What more can employers do to support the mental health of their staff?

It's great to have Peer Support Officers, Chaplains and counsellors available, and we're in no short supply, which is excellent. But these are part of a reactive approach to staff mental health. While it's pleasing to see a focus on prevention and resilience in wellbeing workshops in the form of fitness, diet and mindfulness, what I've heard many Paramedics talking about recently is the negative impact of operational matters, predominantly rostering. A focus on cost-saving rosters over those that work for Paramedic wellbeing and career longevity for instance, seems to be undermining faith in the notion that staff wellbeing is paramount. Because the vast majority of Paramedics know how essential those 5 days off are to their mental health.

While your book covers a great deal of pain and trauma, what sticks out is a sense of solidarity, and the love and compassion you have for your fellow Paramedic. What role does solidarity have in the mental health of Paramedics?

Huge. In fact, I think solidarity and camaraderie, the feeling of being part of a family, is one of the greatest joys of the job, and vital to career longevity. It's similar to what soldiers experience, fighting alongside one another. They rely on each another for survival, not just in the physical sense, but mentally and emotionally. I absolutely wanted to convey this sense of solidarity in 'The Gap', particularly our shared black humour. We're not islands, we can't come to work and sit in that ambulance with another person and be thrown into all manner of drama together without it creating a deep bond. And because of this truly unique relationship, we need to take care of it, to treat it with care. We can't just walk away from our partner at the end of shift without feeling confident they're okay. If this is your brother or your sister and there's any doubt as to whether they're okay, speak up, follow up. Don't let the sun go down on that doubt.

Is it difficult publishing a memoir like this while still employed?

Yes. I know the ambulance media policy inside out, believe me. It's pasted on the back of my toilet door. The Gap is absolutely an unofficial memoir. My personal views do not represent those of any organisation. I was very careful to avoid comment on policy or identify directly as an employee of a particular service, and you won't find any pictures of me in uniform online. I took painstaking care with patient privacy matters. I had manuscript assessments by psychologists and lawyers and so on. A book like this is not a simple undertaking. Retire first, is my advice!

Why is being a member of APA (NSW) important to you?

As a member of APA from the outset, I've witnessed some terrific wins the association had early on. It's proactive, responsive and very good at communicating with members.