Camps & Schools 09-26-18

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AN ANTON MEDIA GROUP SPECIAL

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How Children Can Make New Friends

BY ALISON GILBERT

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t is common for children to experience some anxiety when faced with a new situation. As the summer comes to an end, parents and children anticipate the start of the new school year. Back to school transition is certainly one of the most common triggers for anxiety in any child.

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SEPTEMBER 26 - OCTOBER 2, 2018

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CAMPS & SCHOOLS • SEPTEMBER 26 - OCTOBER 2, 2018 25A

How Children Can Make New Friends

from page 23A

Some children may be able to articulate their fears and concerns while others may have more trouble expressing their worry. Often the concerns about back to school are related to making new friends or keeping old ones. While parents can reassure their child that their peers experience the same thoughts and concerns, they can help by coaching their child on how to make new friends and secure the friendship of old ones. The following are some coaching tips:

Be Emotionally Sensitive

Being an emotionally sensitive parent can help model for children how they can be more sensitive to others. Communicate with your child about feelings so that they can understand their own emotions as well as the emotion of others. When your child talks about their feelings take time to validate them. Ask your child to talk about the situations and thoughts they might be having that are related to those feelings, so that they can understand that feelings don’t just “fall out of the sky.”

Teach PerspectiveTaking

Help your child understand what it feels like to be in “someone else’s shoes.” Ask your child about what they think another person might be thinking or feeling about a situation as well as the impact of your child’s behavior on another child’s feelings.

Role playing a variety of situations or finding opportunities to teach perspective-taking in the natural environment can help your child learn this skill. Learning to take someone else’s perspective can also help your child with turn taking and sharing and help to foster empathy for others.

Create Superordinate Goals

Find an after school activity that fosters teamwork rather than competition. During play dates help your child set up activities that have a common goal rather than ones that promote competition (i.e., engaging in a fun activity together like building a fort or baking a cake). The rewarding impact on the group helps to foster friendship.

Be an Active Listener

Engage in active listening with your child at home by reflecting your child’s concerns, providing validation, inquiring more about situations that affect them and helping them to problem solve. Modeling active listening skills for your child can help them to

CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST Alison Gilbert

engage in the listening skills that are necessary for healthy friendships.

Encourage Emotion Regulation

Teach your child ways to manage their own emotions by using calming exercises like deep breathing or yoga.

Children who are able to manage their own emotions are better equipped to manage friendships.

Find Common Ground

When children find things in common that they can talk about it helps to promote friendships. Encourage your child to take their time to observe other children and ask them questions. Also encourage your child to participate in activities with other children who might have similar interests. Teach your child that friendship is between two equal partners and to refrain from bragging.

Teach Ways to Show Openness

Help your child to be open to friendship. If your child is shy, help him or her practice saying hello to peers. You can teach your child ways to start a conversation, for example, by giving a compliment or asking a question.

Making new friends might seem like something that should be second nature, but it is actually a skill that requires modeling and practice. By incorporating these techniques you can help your child foster positive and enduring friendships.

Alison Gilbert, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist. She is currently a Clinical Assistant Professor at Hofstra Northwell School of Medicine with a certificate in Autism Spectrum Disorders from U.C. Davis.

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National Bullying Prevention Month

Tips for Children:

• Look the bullies in the eye and in a calm voice and without showing emotion tell them to stop. While it is normal to feel angry or sad when being bullied, do not let the bully see those emotions.

Share those feelings with a

trusted adult at a later time.

•L aughing it off can be effective. Appearing as if you are not affected minimizes their power.

• Walk away.

• S tay with others. Being near adults lessens the chances of being bullied. If possible, go to the bathroom, walk the halls and eat lunch with others.

What Can Parents Do?

• Observe your child for signs of being bullied. You may notice an avoidance of school or social activities, a change in appetite, complaints of stomach aches, signs of depression and anxiety, and physical signs of assault (bruising or ripped clothing). Pay attention to any significant change in behavior • Ask open-ended questions to learn about what is going on and to help your child manage situations. Help your child brainstorm to which adults within the school they

PARENTING MATTERS Graziella SImonetti

can go when feeling threatened. Allow for a safe and open conversation where the

child does not worry about getting in trouble or does not fear having technology limited as a result for being honest about what is happening.

• Go over scenarios with your child to practice how to ignore the bully, how to tell the bully to stop without demonstrating emotion, how to laugh it off or how to ask for help from a trusted adult.

• Contact the school and ask to meet with the administration if your child is being bullied. Document all cases of bullying in case outside sources need to become involved. Threatening messages should be reported to the police.

• S et boundaries regarding technology. Teach your child about the risks of posting online and emphasize that any text or post can be forwarded or shared.

Keep the family computer in a public space where it is easily monitored. Monitor texts and social media usage.

Insisting on taking phones overnight can help eliminate inappropriate exchanges at night.

Children and teens have a right to feel safe at home and at school. Encourage your child to help others who are bullied by demonstrating kindness and/or getting help.

Bullying can cause depression and anxiety. If your child is having a difficult time as a result of bullying, consider seeking support from a mental health professional.

Graziella Simonetti is a parent educator for EAC Network’s Long Island Parenting Institute and works as an early childhood social worker for the New York City Department of Education.

She holds an advanced certificate in parent education from Adelphi University and is a NYSPEP credentialed parenting educator. Simonetti is a former kindergarten teacher.

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According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, bullying is “unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance.

The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.”

Verbal bullying includes teasing, threatening and name calling. Physical bullying is manifested in hitting, spitting and kicking. Social bullying occurs by excluding someone, by spreading rumors and by purposefully embarrassing another. Cyberbullying is bullying that occurs online or via cell phones or other forms of technology.