SANTOS WATCH A Fish, A Yacht, Two Rallies, And Brazil

Acknowledging some of Santos’ most mind-bending recent headlines

jburns@antonmediagroup.com

Rounding up the latest news in the cinematic universe of Representative George Santos brings to mind the Terry Gilliam-directed 1985 film Brazil in a few different ways, not just because of the alleged credit-card thing (see below).

For one thing, there’s main character Sam Lowry, a lowly employee of the Ministry of Information, who spends half the film fantasizing about a better life in glorious display, only to end up under complete scrutiny by the powers that be (if somewhat more sympathetically than Santos has).

There’s also renegade

At some point in our relationships, we are bound to make a mistake. Being able to own the mistake and express remorse is important, as is validating our partner’s feelings. Researchers Peter Kim, Donald Ferrin, Cecily Cooper, and Kurk Dirks (2004) note that while apologizing acknowledges guilt, it also expresses regret and the desire to avoid making the same mistake in the future. This in turn can improve trust between partners.

Not only is acknowledging what you did important, but so is the way in which you do it. It is important to avoid ifs, thats, and buts when saying sorry.

Take for example Clara and Joe. Clara recently snapped at Joe when she realized that he forgot to unload the dishwasher. While it is okay to express to Joe that she wanted him to help around the house in ways that he had promised, the manner in which repairman Archibald “Harry” Tuttle’s famous line, “I came into this game for the action, the excitement. Go anywhere, travel light, get in, get out, wherever there’s trouble, a man alone.”

And then there’s all the stuff about disinformation, misinformation, hand-warped identities, the inestimable power of wealth, and the ever-evolving status quo.

Overall, both are a colorful, cameo-filled plummet into an intentionally dizzying series of experiences, finally leaving you with a gut-sinking sense that it’s too late, the antagonists have won, and all you can do is close your eyes and dream. In my case, at least, only one of the two is a trip I’d care to take again.

Some Recent Highlights:

• In mid March, The New York Times reported that Rep. Santos reportedly helped broker a deal, with commission, on a $19-million yacht this past winter for a donor.

• Over roughly a month in late winter, local activists hosted a “Drive Out Santos” car caravan and rally and a “Drag Out Santos” rally with drag performers outside the

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No Ifs, Thats, or Buts

c. I’m sorry if that upset you.

d. I’m sorry and I will be more conscious of my tone from now on.

Which is the best way for Clara to say she’s sorry? If you guessed D, you are correct! Let’s examine why.

Love Lessons

Marisa T. Cohen, PhD she communicated her frustration was hurtful. Not wanting to hold anything in, Joe explained to her that her tone was harsh and that it upset him. Clara realized right away what she had done and wanted to express regret for her delivery. Below are four statements that she could use when saying sorry to Joe. a. I’m sorry, but you forgot to unload the dishwasher. b. I’m sorry that you feel that way.

Statement A turns the apology around and makes it about Joe’s action (or lack thereof), rather than about the tone that Clara used.

Statements B and C are placing the blame on Joe for the way in which he perceived what Clara said. If Clara were to use either of these statements, she is not acknowledging that in fact she did make a mistake.

Statement D is the most helpful. If Clara were to apologize in this way, she is taking ownership of the way in which she communicated with Joe.

When expressing remorse, it is important to acknowledge your partner’s feelings, own what it is

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Administration Linda Baccoli that you are sorry for, and clearly state your apology. It is also important to make eye contact with your partner so that you can connect. Additionally, you must be open to engaging in conversation about what it was that transpired. Your partner may want to discuss the incident to be sure that you understand the impact of it on them. Leave time to have to have that conversation and avoid getting defensive. We are human and all make mistakes. It is what we do after these mistakes, and the way in which we express our remorse, that makes all the difference.

Reference

Kim, P. H., Ferrin, D. L., Cooper, C. D., & Dirks, K. T. (2004). Removing the shadow of suspicion: The effects of apology versus denial for repairing competence-versus integritybased trust violations. Journal of Applied Psychology, 89(1), 104.

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