Who Am I Today?

Khouria Jeanette Gallaway Antiochian Women NAB Membership Coordinator

As an Antiochian Woman, as a member of the Body of Christ, each of us can ask herself, “Who am I today?” Each day we wake up and thank God for the morning, our rest, our families, our spouses, and all that is given to us to care for that day, that hour, or even the next few minutes. Often we try to make plans for the future and forget that God has given us this moment in time to love,to care,to see the beauty in our surroundings. We worry about what will happen tomorrow, and forget to enjoy and to love today. Who am I today?

Am I truly in the moment?

Today I am a mother, a grandmother, a wife, a nurse, and pray I can be a true Christian, one through whose actions others would see the Light of Christ. We wear so many hats and have to deal with the obstacles we encounter throughout the day. We get tangled in our business and forget to take a breath and think of all of our blessings. All of a sudden the phone rings, the TV is blaring, the kids are yelling, dinner needs to be made, the schedule is full of cooking and cleaning, working, and coordinating the life of the entire family. How do we stay calm? How can we show the love of Christ in the little things we do?

As I get older, I notice I can deal with a little more of the important things and realize that the stress is usually caused by the things we can’t change. I look at people’s faces and wonder what they must be dealing with today. In the past I thought, “What a grumpy person he must be,” instead of wondering what cross they are dealing with today. Our lives become centered around ourselves and not around others. We think we have all the answers, and forget to ask God to help us carry our own cross.

As a critical-care nurse, I have learned that a smile goes a long way. Too often we walk around in our own world and forget to look up and see others around us. I mean, to truly see them. We don’t even make eye-contact with someone, for fear that they might ask us to do something, or say something that might interfere with our busy schedule. A simple smile can show our love for each other, by just being there and letting her know that she is not alone. We must always try to have peace in our hearts, and to remember that God is with us in all our times of need, of joy, and of sorrow. We must remember not to be consumed with our phone, our thoughts, our distractions. We must be here and now, wherever that is, and not always have our minds wander somewhere else.

This doesn’t only happen when we are out and about, running errands. How often are we present in church, but our minds are somewhere else? How often do we attempt to pray and get distracted by something simple that we would not notice any other time? God knows I am guilty of that. The devil doesn’t want us to be in the presence of God. He wants to distract us and keep us so busy we forget God, His grace, His love, and His joy.

I have been blessed to be with many who have departed this life, whether as a nurse, or as a friend. There is such a difference, whether we give our life to Christ, or if we are non-believers who don’t believe we are entering a new realm. When my girlfriend died at the age of 27 and I was with her, the entire room smelled like roses. I called my priest and he told me that this only happens when a saint dies. What a warm feeling in the middle of great sadness! We sing troparia about saints, especially during the commemoration of the regional saints two weeks after Pentecost, for those we know and those we know not. I was blessed to witness the falling asleep of a true saint. This is truly a gift God has given me. I will be ever grateful.

If or when we find ourselves stressed in the middle of day, the church has given us a small but mighty strength that we forget to use. It is the sign of the cross. “But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world” (Galatians 6:14). The sign of the cross is a profession of faith and reminds us that Jesus is the Son of God and is with us always. He is God and Man. He died on the cross for our salvation. It also reminds us to give our mind, our heart, our strength to Him who will protect us and our family throughout our times of joy and sorrow. I use it to remind myself to ask God for help and remember He is always with us. Let us remember to get joy from the little things around us, so that we can deal with the larger, more difficult things. Let us look for the good in everyone we encounter. Let us see that they are placed in our lives to help us learn, love, and grow.

My favorite prayer in times of stress is one for the Beginning of the Day by Metropolitan Philaret: “O Lord, grant me to meet the coming day in peace. Help me in all things to rely upon Your Holy will. In every hour of the day reveal your will to me. Bless my dealings with all who surround me. Teach me to treat all that comes to me throughout the day with peace of soul, and with firm conviction that Your will governs all. In all my deed and words guide my thoughts and feelings. In unforeseen events, let me not forget that all are sent by you. Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without embittering and embarrassing others. Give me strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day with all that it shall bring. Direct my will, teach me to pray, pray You Yourself in me. Amen.”

Who am I today? I pray I can be the light of Christ in everything I say and do.