Emma Rhodes's "november today tomorrow or yesterday"

Last night I dreamt of an evil pig eating all of my things and puking everywhere. I believe it was an omen.

Woke up at 1pm and wasn’t hungry. Sat on the floor of my shower. Watched as the water formed into balls and struggled to slide from my knee down my leg. But when the little balls successfully escape my sticky skin the only place they fall is back into the shower and down the drain. Water takes the shape of its container but without a container water is monstrous. I can be a glass of crisp cold water hydrating and getting rid of migraines left and right or I can be a river—white caps—don’t dare step in or I’ll wipe the ground from under you, rush you away. Drown you. But I am one ball of water struggling to escape my tight and sticky skin. Not drowned or drowning but small and everywhere. I am also the everywhere and I am the evil pig eating all of my things and drinking my only droplets of water so now I am also the one with a migraine. I sabotage and am sabotaged and I only want my head to stop throbbing. I only want to feel what it would be like outside of this skin for one moment. But when I do finally escape my skin—maybe puke myself out—if I do slip off my skin—where can I go? Where do I go? The shower. But I’m too big to fit down the drain. I’m too big to fit down the drain because I gained weight. Sabotage sabotaged big pig energy I wanted to text my ex so I took my brightest red lipstick and rubbed it all over my thighs. Better than a knife. Thought that would open me up or give me something new to look at at least but it only led me back to the shower.