Issuu

BACCANALIA

2012

chief editor | Katri Blomqvist layout | Julia Hamara photos | Julia Hamara, Viivi Mustonen, Antti

printing | X-copy run | 120

Lipsanen, Satu Salo, Antti Suomela

BACCANALIA

2012

Words From The Editor

KATRI BLOMQVIST NIVERSITY.

New faces, interesting and less interesting lectures, tons of reading and wild parties in the middle of the week. This was the representation I had in my mind of my new study place before entering student life wholly during the first two weeks of tutoring. Like so many others’, my impression was soon to be changed for good. Entering university is not about starting in another new school, it is much more. It's a whole new world. WHEN WE LEFT high school last spring, my friends and I were convinced (like so many times before) that this was the end of the golden days, the feeling of belonging to a group and the beginning of real adult life, featuring spaghetti and beans, alongside with exam loads and a constant shortage of money. We couldn't have been more wrong. What happened to me when I first stepped into university parties happens every day to some experimental people getting their hands on drugs or a masterpiece of video games: I became addicted. From that day on my life has been so much more than I ever imagined it could be. WHEN DOZENS OF NEW AND OLD ENGLISH STUDENTS come to contact with each other, sharing ideas takes place on the Internet (let’s be honest and say Facebook) and during late (early?) hazy hours of a Thursday night in after parties. And given the like-mindedness of Anglicans, the shared ideas aren't likely to be ignored, but rather forwarded without-of-control laughter. I know that the current chair would like me to confess that this is exactly how I found Know

your meme in the first place, apparently and admittedly years after everyone else did. Oh well, I guess a freshman has to have some flaws, don’t you think? AFTER SPENDING way too many words on opening up about my personal realisations, let me say a few more about what you're holding in your hands right now and for the next thirty minutes at least, considering its page-turner nature. Baccanalia 2012 is designed for one extremely important purpose among several less outstanding ones: giving you a glimpse of how our writers perceive their university life and, believe it or not, their life after graduation. Each writer has written about something very dear to them or alternatively essential to Anglican life. This issue is a collection of useful evaluations, fascinating stories and shocking pictures. First and foremost, however, this issue is about our dear Dr. Keith Battarbee who has given us more than we can ever be able to thank him for and is now leaving us to enjoy his well-earned pension days. To make sure he is on our minds even after the last exams of the spring, we've decided to give you a special dose of Keith in the form of an interview. Accompanied with Anglica’s special badge, there is now questioning who the person to talk about this spring is. AS A FRESHMAN I was a bit horrified about what I had done when I promised to be the editor in chief of this Baccanalia. I was lost and worried, to say the least, but obviously for nothing. This year’s writers have proved themselves to be active, intelligent and full of ideas. As the editor, all I had to do was sending a few emails, organizing one meeting and reading through the fruits of the writers’ creativity. I would therefore like to thank the whole team – especially Julia, the guide without whom we would have been deep in trouble - for giving me one wonderful experience more and giving you the mind-blowing reading package that is also known as Baccanalia 2012. Because (don’t say you were not warned) university life is guaranteed to blow your mind.

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Words from the Chair Text SALLA ROKKA Photo JULIA HAMARA

"AFTER ALL, WE CAN'T ALL BE DOCTORS AND LAWYERS, MAYBE MY ROLE IN LIFE IS TO MEMORIZE BEOWULF!"

REETINGS, my fellow Anglicans! This part of our annual publication has traditionally held some inspiring thoughts from the current chair. So, even though I have got some pretty big shoes to fill, I thought I'd do my share by talking a little bit about identity. "And the people in the houses all go to the university, and they all get put in boxes and they all come out the same. And there's doctors and there's lawyers and business executives, and they're all made out of ticky-tacky and they all look just the same." - Malvina Reynolds FOR MOST OF US, the way we think about ourselves changes drastically during our first year at University. We go from being pupils to being students; from language enthusiasts to

linguists; from being the best in English in our class to being compared to others who are just as good, or better. And to grasping sentence structures as difficult as that last one. Are you there yet? And perhaps most importantly, we become humanists. The reshaping of one's identity is hardly a simple task. You can wear your Turkulainen humanisti -t-shirts and sport your blue overalls, and that goes a long way. But at the end of the day, what really made it happen for me was that I had other wonderful people to share those realizations with. It became clear to me why the concept of identity has also been called sameness. That, I believe, is Anglica at its finest. After all, we can't all be doctors and lawyers, maybe my role in life is to memorize Beowulf! AS WE INEVITABLY START to branch out in our respective directions - be that teaching, research, other languages or even different faculties - our identities continue to grow. My hope is that you won't forget where you started from, and know that you can always come home. Sap fest!

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Get a little closer to

the board of 2012 Text LOTTA MĂ„KINEN Photo ANTTI LIPSANEN

The members of the board were asked to share a little something about themselves for this year's issue. We hope these oh so revealing answers will help you to get to know them a little better.

1 Salla Rokka, Chair 1 I'm from Helsinki but Turku is my home. 2 My reasons for wanting to be a part of the board were ...What's another year? 3 If I could be a character from my favourite TV show I would be Martha Jones. She gets to time travel with the Doctor and is a total kick-ass. I also envy Abed for his infinite imagination. 4 If I was to design a t-shirt with a slogan it would say something really profound, like "The opposite of war isn't peace. It's creation" 5 If I had to name

one song that describes me best, it would be Insomnia.

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2 Tomi Rautaoja, Vice Chair 1 I'm originally from Anjalankoski. 2 If I could be a character from my favourite TV show I would be Roger from American Dad. He's never bored. 3 If I was to design a t-shirt with a slogan it would say "Hello Ladies!" 4 If I didn't study English, my choice for a major subject would be astrophysics because it seems cool. 5 If I was to be kicked out of a club the probable reason would be that I tried to take the roulette table out for a spin.

3 Heikki Haapam채ki, Treasurer 1 I'm from Vaasa, the mecca of Finnish Swedes. 2 My reason for wanting to be a part of the board was that I wanted to be part of organizing stuff. On my second time on the board, part of the reason was that nobody else wanted the job. 3 My favourite pubs/clubs in Turku are Proffa and Three Beers because of the location and cheap beer. Dynamo because of the music. 4 If I was to be kicked out of a club the probable reason would be ...That won't happen, I'm so nice. But it would probably be because of too much liquor. 5 If I had to name one song that describes "Bodausanthem"

me best,

it would be Ruudolf's

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4 Viivi Mustonen, Secretary 1 I'm from the grand village of Vihti. 2 My reason for wanting to be a part of the board was that it is the ultimate excuse to be the first one at a party and the last one to leave, and to get keys to the joints that matter. 3 If I could be a character from my favourite TV show I would be Phoebe Buffay because I’d love to be the composer of a masterpiece like “Smelly Cat.” 4 So far the best party organised by Anglica was Britpop, because good music + awesome DJs + Dynamo = what’s not to love!? 5 If I had to name one song that describes me the best it would be “Can’t hug every cat.”

5 Hai Nguyen, Info 1 I'm straight outta Vietcong - Varissuo, Turku, Finland. 2 If I could be a character from my favourite TV show I would be Foreman from House MD, because I've always wanted to be black, a badass with a degree. 3 So far the best party organised by Anglica was Britpop 2012, because we had bomb-ass DJs and a smokin playlist. Oh and the partygoers were great too. We love you audience! 4 If I was to be kicked out of a club the probable reason would be for calling the bar patrons racist homophobes, or other customers. 5 If I had to name one song that describes me the best it would be Mastodon - Megalodon

6 Saara Yli-Kauhaluoma, Educational matters 1 I originate from Rauma. 2 My reasons for wanting to be a member of the board were that, originally, I wanted to make the most out of my own as well as others' time as a student. It was also the best way to meet as many new and interesting people as possible. Now, being on board for the third year in a row, I dunno what I was thinking. I probably have problems letting go. This is the last round, I swear! 3 My favourite pub in Turku is El Gringo! Yummy tortillas, cheap beer, good music, and nice staff = everything you need. 4 If I was to be kicked out of a club the probable reason would be being a pain in the ass. 5 If I had to name one song that describes me the best it would be Rise Against - Swing Life Away

7 Pirkka Hallamaa, Party&Culture

1 My roots are in Nummi-Pusula, a small town located between two great cities, Turku and Helsinki, but I'm trying to pull those roots out completely. 2 My favourite bar/club/pub in Turku is Koulu because their own beers are worth drinking, you don't have to wait in line for hours and the atmosphere inside is amazing! 3 So far the best party organised by Anglica was the Toga Sitz, the whole night was just bursting with epicness. Another must-attend is Piltti Sitz. 4 If I was to design a t-shirt with a slogan it would say "You can't spell 'Pirkka' without 'irk'!

5 If I didn't study English, my choice for a major subject would be the subject that would help me get to study English because DUH!

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7 Janne Haapaniemi, Party&Culture 1 I'm straight outta Raisio, yo! 2 My reasons for wanting to be a part of the board were that I was looking to be an active part of the student life and since I party a lot, the party&culture posish fits like a glove. 3 If I was to design a t-shirt with a slogan it would say ...The Kuningas-shirt sold at futisforum2 pretty much sums up my opinion and I'd never invent the wheel again. 4 If I didn't study English, my choice for a major subject would be gender studies because I would like to understand women. 5 If I was to be kicked out of a club the probable reason would be emptying their supply of Jaloviina and repeatedly asking for more.

8 Julia Hamara, Projects 1 I'm from Jyväskylä. 2 If I was to design a t-shirt with a slogan it would say "Makes you sad panda, yes or no?" 3 If I didn't study English, my choice for a major subject would be ceramic and glass design, because what I've actually always wanted to do is make clay pots. Really. But then I thought I should get a real profession and became a humanist. 4 If I could be a character from my favourite TV show I would be John "The Biscuit" Cage, because he has all these cool widgets like a toilet-flushing remote control and an own nook behind the unisex toilet. 5 If I was to be kicked out of a club the probable reason would be my company..

9 Mikko Salminen, Vice Member 1 I was born in Hyvinkää, but raised and schooled right here in Turku. 20810, baby! 2 My reason for wanting to be a part of the board was that, as one former board member informed me, there always has to be that one member of the board who proves that good looks haven't got anything to do with election results. 3 If I was to design a t-shirt with a slogan it would say the classic Blues Brothers line ”It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses” 4 If I didn't study English, my choice for a major subject would be contemporary history because that's where I first applied to, upon finding my true love: those Friday mornings studying Aspects of Narrative. 5 If I had to name one song that describes me the best, it would be Kari Peitsamo - Mimmit Pihtaa.

9 Jarkko Kouhia, Vice Member

1 I was born in Zürich, CH, then lived allover in Finland, including HKI, Jyväskylä, and Hämeenlinna. 03 area is where I've spent most of my life before TKU. 2 If I could be a character from my favourite TV show I would be Rainbow Dash! NO, Applejack! Wait, I don't even know what they are. Next question! 3 My favourite bar/club/pub in Turku is The Castle, because on the very first day I was told it HAS to be my favorite, so it has been, ever since. 4 So far the best party organised by Anglica was iNMatES. Because it spanned the whole weekend, and there was so much to attend (and consume). 5 If I was to be kicked out of a club the probable reason would be doing permanent damage to people's eyesight with my unparalleled moves on the dancefloor (both literally and metaphorically).

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My First Year as an English Student Text PIRKKA HALLAMAA & VIIVI MUSTONEN PH Oh my, it’s quite impossible to try to summarize the first year in university. The parties, the great moments shared with newfound university friends, the hazy Friday morning lectures, the ups and downs that a fresh piltti experiences during his/her first year. Tears have been shed and laughs have been bellowed. Still, I wouldn’t give this year worth of experiences for anything! VM As the first year has gone by, all I can say is that I am greatly surprised of my attitude and focus shifting from ”I want to get really good grades” to ”I just want to organize really good parties”. The fall went by very fast, leaving me with only these distant memories of studying like crazy and trying to learn the most efficient studying techniques and what not. The spring has been quite different, as I have to take care of my responsibilites as a student and as a member of the board of Anglica. Being on the board has given me insight on how organizations work and what I can do to make Anglica work even better and offer more help and amusement for our members. PH I started my first academic career in the less academic University of Applied Sciences in Turku in fall ’07 and learned the academic ropes there. Of course, the change of attitude was still very eye-opening for me. I’d heard all about the optional lectures, easy first courses and general easiness, and figured I could still keep doing 30 h a week at work while studying. After finding out that almost all of our lectures were mandatory and the courses weren’t that easy, the work contract was quickly decreased to 15 h, but still I feel that one shouldn’t try to study and work at the same time. VM I don't know if this applies to all organizations or just Anglica, but I've noticed how my life has become very integrated with our beloved organization – I spend a lot of time

on campus with the same people I go to parties and spend my free time with. As I've talked with Anglicans about this matter, we've come to the conclusion that Anglica is like a big, welcoming family, which means that you're never alone. PH I have to admit, being in Anglica has been a life changer for me too. I mean, I’ve been to student parties before, but the general warm and inviting atmosphere of Anglica seriously affected me. Anglica is something special, and even though I may sometimes slack in my school work, I’m dead serious about my work on Anglica board! VM As I have no previous experience in the academic world, I can't compare my studies with anything except my gap year. All I can say is that working in a job you don't want to do for longer than a year can really be that motivation boost you need to help you focus on studying and doing well in the entrance exams. PH Well, I studied chemistry for one year, found out it wasn’t for me and quit it quickly afterwards. I’m not completely happy with my studies this year, but it’s nice to notice that this time my choice was the right one! The feeling that I’m in the right place with the right people will (hopefully) help me study more and become the English expert I wish to be one day! VM It was great to notice that studying English is the right thing for me too. Somehow everything seems a lot easier and more straightforward when you don't have that nagging feeling of uncertainty and keep thinking “Well, I don't know if this is what I want to do in life.” Turku, my studies and the new friends have changed my life, and as Pirkka said it, I wouldn't trade these experiences for anything in the world.

Life Beyond the University

Text EETU LAINE

CADEMIC STUDIES are more often than not the biggest task a just-anointed freshman has ever undertaken. Dedicating five years or more to a single purpose is understandably daunting, especially at the brink of adulthood. Many fail this task for one reason or another and drop out. Many leave their thesis hanging for years on end without ever finishing it. Many abandon their English studies and apply for something else instead. Many also find employment during their studies and forgo the idea of ever graduating. YOU MIGHT THINK these people lack discipline or that they made a mistake choosing their major. You might also think that you'll never fail miserably like this but will gloriously finish your studies and be knighted by the headmaster at the fountain in the end. This is far too simple a description of the situation, however. THERE'S CERTAINLY plenty of discouragement available for the English major. It seems the only clear career path for one is teaching, which many abhor and many quietly accept. It seems other fields of study such as law, medicine, economics, natural and social sciences have better prospects and better salaries. It seems the humanities are constantly fighting off a threat of downsizing and the horror story of not finding employment awaits you in the near future. YOU MIGHT NOW THINK that all your fears are justified and you'd be better off studying something else or trying to become a Siwa manager or whatnot. Well guess what, there's something people often forget. Most University of Turku English graduates find employment and lead well-to-do lives just fine. According to followup questionnaires, 85% of graduates find employment immediately. A few years down the

line, 100% are employed and withdrawing a decent salary already. This is what people often forget. The average English major will finish their studies in due time, find a job and get paid well. I want to say they also live happily ever after but I guess some things other than their degree have an effect on this. THEREFORE, if you think you've made the right choice, all you need to do is finish and you'll probably do just fine after. Desperation strikes at the heart of many an English major once you get to the stage where you can see the final stretch of your degree. There will probably come a time when you're just about finished with your thesis but without post-graduation plans yet. This is the worst stage, but remember, it's only temporary. On average, you'll finish your thesis, graduate and get a job (although liking it is another thing entirely which I won't deal with here). YOU MIGHT BE EXPECTING a huge change in your life to occur after you graduate, that working instead of studying is a completely different thing. It is, but donâ€™t expect it to feel all that different. Much of your life will probably be the same apart from receiving a pay check monthly. There's one thing about working life that the average English major will enjoy after graduation. You will no longer have an unfinished thesis/essay/learning journal or a book exam to study for. You do your job and relax afterwards. It'll be much easier to separate work and free time. Find enjoyment in this. Some people will, however, always find projects and tasks to stress about in their lives but this is entirely their own fault. TAKE WHAT YOU WILL from this story but at least remember that doing your academic studies is a short if not simple phase in your life with much longer and challenging ones to follow. And by the way, you donâ€™t get knighted in the end, just a letter at home (organize your own party).

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The magnificent

Student Cafeterias around us

Text PIRKKA HALLAMAA

The lecture just ended and the next one starts in thirty minutes. So, you walk to Parkkis to grab a quick bite between lectures. The next day you’re feeling adventurous and after the last lecture, you go to Assarin Ullakko. They are both fine choices, but there is a world of opportunities for you! So, the next time you’re feeling hungry and don’t feel like eating spaghetti with ketchup at home, you could try something new. These are just some of the many cafeterias available in Turku, and you should test them all at least once.

RESTAURANT ICT Location: Joukahaisenkatu 3 (ICT-talo, first floor) Lunch time: Mon-Thu 10.30 - 14.30, Fri 10.30 - 14.00 Restaurant ICT (or ICT-talo, whichever you prefer) is rarely visited by university students. It’s a bit off course during your normal university day, but the little hike uphill is actually quite rewarding. With its fine selection of different kinds of food, this is one cafeteria worth visiting. The price of the food varies, but the cheapest foods are really cheap. For example, a basic meal (for example ham and potato casserole) only costs 1,48€, and it includes the magnificent bread selection,

which is one of the best in the whole city of Turku. Every non-vegetarian student should also taste the game stew with potato puré and lingonberry sauce, available for 4,68€. The whole building is spacious, bright and modern and the height of the room can’t be explained in words. Seeing is believing! So, take your last student allowance coins with you and enjoy you lunch hour in the future.

MONTTU Location: Rehtorinpellonkatu 3 (In the old building of the school of economics) Lunch time: Mon-Thu 10.30 - 14.30 Fri 10.30 - 14.00 Most of the people dining in Monttu study – surprise, surprise – economics. So, Monttu is worth visiting just to see how the more economic group of Turku looks like. The clothing is wildly different from Assari just

across the street. The food is nothing worth dying for, but the bread selection deserves recognition. Also, it’s good to show the fellow economists that we humanists know how to dress up

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VEGETARIAN RESTAURANT KEIDAS Location: Itäinen Rantakatu 61 (Wanha Rahtilaiva, next to Föri) Lunch time: Mon-Fri 11:00 - 15:00 True men (and women) eat vegetables, and what’s a better place to eat ’em than next to the manifestation of Turku, the (in)famous Föri. Keidas is located quite far from the university, but this place surely is worth the effort. Some of the student cafeterias have this very strong facility feel to them, but Keidas doesn’t have

that problem. It couldn’t actually be much more un-facility-like. The food tastes awesome (unlike in some other vegetarian restaurants in Turku) and Keidas uses many kinds of organic foods. The restaurant is open through the summer, so the next time you stroll near Keidas, do try it out.

GADO Location: Porthaninkatu 3-5, Turku Lunch time: Mon-Thu 11:00 - 16:00, Fri 11:00 - 15:00 Do you feel your Swedish skills degrading? Well, the best way to sharpen them up is to head directly to Gado. You get to use your second native language, and the food’s good too. Breaded salmon steaks, steaks of minced lamb meat, chicken fillet skewers and more. What’s even more awesome is the fact that Gado is just a short walk away from Juslenia.

So, if you’re feeling a bit adventurous but you don’t have your best walking shoes on, Gado is a safe bet for you. The well-lit restaurant will surely lift your spirits after a long lecture. Remember the other Swedish cafeterias Arken (Tehtaankatu 2) & Kåren (Hämeenkatu 22).

TOTTISALMI Location: Kirkkotie 13 (YTHS, 2nd floor) Lunch time: Mon-Fri 10.30 - 15.00, Sat. 11.30 - 15.00 Tottisalmi is the place to go to if you want to have a good quality meal. Some of the courses might sound special every now and then (LiverBacon sauce comes to mind as the most recent example), but they never lack in quality. Every day there are four meals from where you can choose, and also a salad takeout where you pay by the kilo. The vegetarian foods are tasty, the bread table has a great selection of warm delicacies and you rarely have to stand in a

queue for more than a few minutes. The interior decoration is beautiful and modern and the spice table has an ample amount of exotic spices. The lunch is also served on Saturdays, so why not start your next weekend with a stomach full of great food?

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Anglica presented:

BAND NIGHT @ Klubi/Live, March 14th 2012 Text ANNA VAHTERA & MIKKO SALMINEN Photos VIIVI MUSTONEN HE TRADITIONAL ANGLICA EVENT, Band Night, once again proved that our student organization is not short in talent when it comes to music. The night saw three bands, featuring current and former

Anglicans, taking the stage at Klubi. The DJing duties were taken over by DJs 2 Mikkoa, whose set varied from Finnish garage rock to American electro.

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The first act was SISSIPRINSESSA & VIETKONG, making their debut appearance in front of an audience. The duo featured Lilli Airaksinen on vocals and Hai Nguyen on acoustic guitar/”Spongebob Squarepants” ukulele. Hai also took over the lead vocals on a few cover songs. Besides a few rough spots (naturally due to a limited number of practices), their show was pleasant and warmhearted. Lilli’s amazing voice was backed up with simple guitar lines, forming a nice combination that wasn’t overdone. A more intimate room would have served the opening act even better, but the duo’s great personalities made the audience feel at home. The second performer of the night was MARKUS PERTTULA with his band that included Magdalena Valkeus playing the cello, Toni Turpeinen playing the drums and Joona Liesilinna on bass. Perttula sang in Finnish, and his music was kind of Finnish folk and pop music combined with British indie and rock music. There was also a lot of influence from

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the American singer & songwriters like Jeff Buckley. The beautiful, dreamy and a bit melancholic melodies and lyrics were easy to listen to, and the leader of the band was quite easy on the eyes as well…! The third and final act of the night was MAGLEVS with Mikko Koskinen (guitar, keyboards and vocals), Christopher Stratton Smith (bass, keyboards, percussion, backing vocals), Toni Turpeinen (drums) and Kasperi Teittinen (keyboards, guitar). Their music was a mix of British pop and indie music, and the show was all in all very energetic and enjoyable, even without the sympathy points that the lead singer tried to get with his damaged leg. AFTER THESE THREE BANDS had had their chance to prove the talents that can be found in our beloved Anglica, it was time to end the traditional Band Night. May the tradition continue!

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Text JULIA HAMARA & RIIKKA SALMELA Photos JULIA HAMARA

Ourfourex-secretaries werecaughtinJuslen ia oneday,totallyoutof hand.Notbeingonth e boardanymorehas obviouslybroughtup thedaredevilsinthem Baccanaliapublishes . theshockingphotos exclusively!

He just couldn't help calling his friend and shouting out loud his favourite passage from Beowulf in the strict silence of the library.

Shejustdoesn'tcareab out rules:Sheusesa megaphoneinthelib ra shelikes.Dealwithit ryif

After gathering courage for quite a while, she finally dared to knock on Dr. Battarbee's office door.

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Salla and Riikka went wild the minutes.Wow!

As ex-secretaries, JAntti and SAntti couldn't resist caressing the (black) board despite the prohibition sign.

JAntti just und erlined BeË™d-maker. [f. BED sb. +

MAKER.] 2. One who arra nges beds for u se again, after they have been slept in; th e official name in the En glish universiti es for all old women or men who make the b eds and sweep the room s in college

from the sacre d OED.

OK,

As you might have already guessed by looking at the pictures, this is a personal interest story about a lecturer at the English Department. This is a story of Dr. Keith Battarbee. And some of you may already know this, but Dr. Battarbee is retiring after this semester from the University of Turku. I had the honor and the chance to pick his brain about life, the University and everything before he would depart the department and leave us behind with his legacy, the North American Studies program and a new Juslenia.

Text HAI NGUYEN Photos JULIA HAMARA

BACCANALIA T'S A MID-MARCH AFTERNOON and the sun fills everything with its orange glow behind my back as I'm walking the familiar route towards the University on Hämeenkatu, only this time I'm not heading to Juslenia or Proffa. I glance at my cell phone in horror to see whether I'm already late or not. I'm two minutes early - no worries. So I go in, get some coffee and wait for Dr. Battarbee to show up. In a few minutes, he walks in, says hi and goes to get some coffee. I try to eavesdrop if he orders in Finnish or English, just out of curiosity. He sits down and we get to business. DR. KEITH JOHN BATTARBEE came to Finland in the 1970's. And when he arrived in Turku, he expected to be in Åbo – but soon realized that he couldn't do his shopping in Swedish. Back then you couldn't get proper ales from the supermarket and university students were appalled if someone asked a question in the middle of a lecture. I imagine a younger Keith Battarbee on a ship's deck, staring at awe at the mighty frozen sea – it's all much like Titanic in my head, without the tragedy of hitting an iceberg and everybody dying. From Yorkshire to Varsinais-Suomi – how does that happen? THE CITY OF HULL he called home for a number of years, but I guess at this point, Turku's had more years over Hull. But no matter how long he's lived someplace else, he tells me that his Yorkshire roots are very important to him, though the strong sense of regional identity that Yorkshire people often have, amuses him. I've never heard an authentic Yorkshire accent, but in some lectures Keith does give interesting examples of his native dialect, so I guess the yorkshireness persists. We talk about identity and language, something Keith is very interested in, and we get to some very interesting stories about Keith. Even though he's lived here longer than most of us, Finns might still see him as a foreigner, despite the fact that he's been a citizen for about 30 years. ”I REMEMBER A FEW YEARS AGO hearing some kids talking about me, near where I lived, and they referred to me as 'se englantilainen',

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and I'm sure it persists. I've gone through some big swings about identity, except that I've always felt I belong to Yorkshire. For a long time I was not very happy with being British, but that was when Margaret Thatcher was Prime Minister and I didn't like her policies. But I've been a Finnish citizen since 1980, and I very much like having two political identities. I think I'm a bit of a chameleon.” IT'S INTERESTING that a person who's interested in the social dimensions and usage of English should experience his own research. And it hasn't been the first time he's been referred to as 'se englantilainen', so I go on and ask him about whether he likes to be referred to as the Englishman, or something else. In less than a second, he snaps out an answer: ”I prefer to be referred to as Keith”. The British have always struck me as the sort of people who talk really fast, and I'm proven right again - Keith swiftly continues on how some Finnish speakers call him Kiihi (/ki:hi/), because they listen and try to imitate what he's saying and not looking at how it's written. Then again, if they did, he'd still be unhappy. ”If they'd look at how it's written, they'd call me Kate (/keIt/) and that I have more problems with.” BEING A FINNISH CITIZEN, you'd expect him to speak Finnish. When I was eavesdropping on him earlier, I heard the lady selling coffee respond in Finnish, so I assumed he knew his way around getting coffee in Finnish. I wonder how much Finnish does an English English teacher use on a daily basis? Then again, how can the supermarket cashier tell he's English? I've noticed that the assumption in Finland is that everybody speaks Finnish unless corrected. And this is the case with Keith too – apparently, very rarely does anyone switch to English with him anymore. They used to, but now when people hear him talking Finnish, they ask him how long he's been in Finland. You can probably imagine the reply: first you see some beard displacing, then come in the eyes with the smile.

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”Longer than you have.” I remark that he says it a lot, and he explains that when you have a joke, you have to work it hard. I start thinking about how many of Keith's jokes I've heard that so many other students before me have heard as well. Thinking back 40 years, there must be hundreds of them. BACK IN THE 1970'S, foreigners in Finland were a rare sight. The only foreigners Finns had regular contact were probably Swedish. But keeping in mind, that Anglica was founded in 1958 and English has been a major subject in the University of Turku since 1946, we've probably had foreigners here and there. But Finland has never been kind to foreigners. And it gets damn cold too. So how did Keith Battarbee end up in Finland? “A SHIP,” he snidely remarks and then there's a silence where I freeze up. Where does he come up with this! We both laugh, and he tells me I walked right into that one and continues with the story of how he came to Finland. “I WENT TO UNIVERSITY IN CAMBRIDGE, and I read English literature for the first degree, and then I did my doctorate in what they call the Faculty of English. But it all was really sort of cultural history. After that I went and taught in Germany for three years, and whilst I was living there, I met my first wife, who was Finnish. And the first time I came to Finland, I came to meet her family. And that was also my first ever experience with frozen sea: we came across late March or early April, from Stockholm and the sea was frozen. And I had never experienced, seen or heard frozen sea before! Because we didn't have much money, we had a cabin right down the bottom of the ship, and it was very noisy with all the ice banging against the hull. And when my job in Germany was coming to an end, a job was advertised in Turku and we thought that that seems to be a good idea, we'll go to Finland for a few years and then see what happens. And I'm still here. And that was 1972, 40 years ago. So when I retire, I will have worked for the University for exactly 40 years, to the day.”

SO HOW does a person go on from studying English literature to teaching courses like Language and Society, Linguistic landscapes, Contemporary Societies and Institutions USA/UK and so forth? ”SO I STUDIED ENGLISH LITERATURE IN CAMBRIDGE, but I had spent half a year in California, staying with friends and family in Berkeley, between high school and university. And I audited classes at University of California, in sociology and political science, so I was already interested in the social sciences. I was always reading modern history and sociology and stuff like that as well. And when I went to Germany, I was recruited to teach English literature and English language proficiency. After a couple of years, there was a change in the degree regulations, and they said that students doing languages must also do cultural studies of the language area whose language they were studying, and my department said 'we don't have anyone who could teach this' and I said 'yes you have.' SO I STARTED TEACHING British studies, which was then a big shift in my work. Since then I've taught British or Anglophone studies, along with social history and contemporary society and so on, for the rest of my career.” NOT ONLY has Keith taught British studies after that, but he was also one of the people who founded the North American Studies program. The whole thing got started when he was recruited to Turku to teach British studies, but after a few years he thought it was crazy to teach only British studies, because yes, Britain is important for English, but so is the United States. He then started to do some reading on American history and society and at some point he offered courses dealing with the United States. Not long after though, he realized that teaching only about Britain was a kind of cultural imperialism, and what he'd done was to replace one cultural imperialism by two. So Keith began to thinking about other English speaking countries, and he started looking at Canada. So here are the roots of NAMS.

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literature,

SO FAR IT'S BEEN A BLAST shooting the wind with Dr. Battarbee, he seems like a person who could talk for days and you wouldn't get bored. It's a shame there isn't enough space to contain all of Keith on these pages. I finish my coffee and really start digging. Before the interview, he seemed intrigued by my set of journalistic tools – a Zoom H2 recording device, a pen and some paper. Apparently technology has made huge leaps, and my recorder reminds him of his iPod he'd got while in Canada doing research.

“I'D VISITED CANADA whilst I was spending the half year in the States. And I thought it was interesting partly because now I was living in a Nordic country, and Canada is this kind of English (and French) speaking Nordic country. A bit after that, we had some visiting Canadian speakers and I hosted them. Somehow then, I discovered a Nordic association for Canadian studies and I joined that. I was a grassroots member for quite a number of years and eventually I was elected to the Finnish committee and then to the Nordic board. I served on the Nordic board for twelve years, until last year. Eventually that took shape as 'why don't we have a North American studies program?' There were about half a dozen of us involved, and that was the early 1990's. Since then, I've been teaching courses on North American studies. And it's been a multidisciplinary study program right at the

THE IPOD however was four times smaller than my recorder. I immediately take on the subject and begin questioning him about his Apple devices, because among the students, he's known as a Mac user. He's constantly showing off his älypuhelin, iPhone, and his Mac will gleam at you from the corner of his office. And apparently, he's an OG when it comes with Macintosh computers. “I BOUGHT MY FIRST COMPUTER IN 1986, and Macs had been around for two years. I spent about half a year, playing around with different things. IBM had brought out the first PCs, and I found them very clumsy to use. At that time I was commuting between Turku and Tampere, teaching there two days a week and a colleague at Tampere showed me his computer, which was a Mac. And I was just immediately won over by it. So I bought a Mac in the Autumn of 1986. Brought it home, plugged it in. You can't really compare it with what computers are like now, but I was really struck that my four year old son sat down with the 1980's graphics program and he just picked up the mouse and started drawing.

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So you want two dinosaurs in the same picture?” laughed Keith, when he was asked to be photographed in front of Juslenia.

I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, if a four year old can do this, then there is something about it. Despite being a Mac user, I'm not cutting edge technology – I never got around to updating the OS on my iPhone, so people I get people asking me if I've seen this and this app. There's one astronomy app, where you just hold your iPhone up to the sky and it shows you what stars and planets, but it only works with whatever iOS we're up to now. So, I just never got around to it, but one of these days I will – too many things to do in life.” WHEN I SAID HE'S KNOWN for using Macs at the department, he asks me if he's known for other things as well. And I just sit there, staring at him and wondering what I can say. So I go on and start with his emails, because they're almost infamous. I hear some students even compare what kind of emails they get from Keith. All of his students probably know the emails Keith sends out – they're usually four or five lines long, and they often remind me of

'The Semiotics of Professor E-mail Signature' which is about interpreting university professors' emails. So Keith's emails amuse some of us, and some of us are irritated and offended by them. But I think he secretly enjoys sending us supershort emails. “I REALIZED SOME YEARS AGO, that often all I need to say to a student is yes, so there's no point in spending 10 minutes when you can do it 15 seconds. So it saves time, but I guess it also amuses me to send ultrashort emails. I did it once to one of my sons, who didn't like it at all. Do people think it's rude? It's better if they amuse people. I've never tried calculating how much time I save, but I roughly spend about 2 hours a day, 5 days a week, and then maybe 1 hour a day on weekends, reading and writing emails. Obviously, distributed unevenly. So there will be days when I'll spend the whole day catching up with emails, usually when I've been away. It's just an amazing amount of email. It's kind of funny, because email has

BACCANALIA been around for about half of my teaching career. Before that, students had to come and see you in person. Now that was slow.” MY SILENCE ABOUT HIS QUESTION on what other things he's known for among students left me in a pickle, because I feel obligated to be an instrument of truth – so I go forth and blurt it out, beginning with an awkward “well, you know there's this one little tiny thing..” He seems curious as I lift my hand to demonstrate one of his mannerisms. I tell him there's a pose he does while lecturing, and while I do it, I explain to him with painstaking detail how he lifts up his hand towards his head and how his fingers encroach his forehead. My face goes a shade paler out of horror, because I think he's going to be offended but instead he looks at me, smiles and exclaims: ”I am totally unaware of this! (giggles) Well, it's a good thing I am not going to be lecturing to you very much more, because now I will become acutely selfconscious of it.” TALKING ABOUT STUDENTS, it occurs to me that Anglica is turning 55 in 2013, and Keith's been here for 40 years. When I mention this to him, he gives me that Keithian smile and snidely remarks: “Gosh, you mean Anglica's been in the department longer than I have?” It means that when Keith first came into the department, Anglica was only in her teens! So I wonder what his relationship with Anglica has been like. ”I THINK IT'S BEEN A VERY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, we keep a suitable distance from each other and you get with your studenty sort of things and we get with our staff-y sort of things. And I'm fairly serious actually when I say that there is a suitable distance, because Anglica obviously has a very important social function for students and that's not going to work very well if members of the teaching staff are mingling too much, looking over your shoulder while you're engaging in social activities.” AS THE INTERVIEW DRAWS TO A CLOSE, appropriately the lady working there informs

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us she'll be closing in a few minutes. Keith says ok and grabs his coat. But I'm still anxious to ask him a lot of questions about everything! He really is the type of person who could go on for hours, and no wonder, he has seen a lot in his time. So I rush on to get some favorite moments or memories he'd like to share. ”I'M GOING TO DISAPPOINT YOU on this one, because in one sense, there are so many, I don't know how to pick one. I've been here too long. It is time for me to leave, it is time for the department to get new people coming in. It's been lovely over the last few years, we've had a lot of change in the staff and some of the new people we've had... Alyson was great, Max is great – Damon and I get on extremely well together. I guess, we both have somewhat similar extroversion. Though he's louder than I am.” I GO ON FAST to enquire what he's going to do with the newly found time on his hands, now that he's retiring. My question is met with laughter. ”RUTH AND I are almost certainly going to Manchester for a year, I've got a book to write, I'll probably do some studying. And I will still intend to go to conferences and do papers, stuff like that. I'll probably try to take up more music, find a choir or two for singing. And get some of those books read that keep accumulating on my shelves – because the unread books accumulate faster, than the read books. That's gonna be a real problem though, because I lose my office at the university, and you may have noticed, there's a book or two in my office. And we have a very small house in Raunistula. They're going to have to go into boxes, and where do we put the boxes. That's a real problem. We need a bigger house.” A FEW SECONDS BEFORE we are kicked out, I ask Keith for his words of wisdom to us students. “Never trust your teachers but sometimes they might be right.”

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A F C

NGLICA

OOD

LUB

Text VILLE NIEMI & SATU SALO Photo SATU SALO OLLOWING THE NOBLE EXAMPLE set by the older Anglica Beer Club, the Anglica Food Club was also started with the intention of bringing together all those Anglicans who share a passion for something and, in this particular case, the passion being the love for good food. The idea of the AFC is very simple. Our members use the clubâ€™s Facebook site as a place to share their recipes

with fellow club members, to exchange cooking tips and also to inform other members of nice restaurants they have visited. Most importantly, the members of the club have come together on several occasions to prepare and cook various kinds of delicious meals and to mingle with like-minded friends of the culinary arts.

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"WE ALL LOVE GOOD FOOD AND THAT IS A LOVE THAT IS BEST SHARED!"

THE VERY FIRST AFC MEETING took place in early October and it was held in the cosy confines of H2 where the participants gathered to enjoy each other’s home cooking. While the number of attendants was low, everyone had a great time and the consensus was clear: again, soon, more people and a clear theme. EVENTUALLY, the only objective we fell short of was ‘soon’ and the next meeting on November 29th was a success. 18 hungry Food Club members flocked to the spacious kitchen and salon of the sauna rooms in Ikituuri (through the courtesy of Ms Satu Salo) to enjoy a wonderful combination of African, MiddleEastern and Indian food. The favourable reaction of the attendants only strengthened the organizers’ conviction to ensure that more such nights would follow. The third and, as of this writing, latest but definitely not the last AFC meeting was held on February 7th and, once again, in the sauna rooms of Ikituuri. This time we had opted for a Mediterranean menu which combined the best the Greek and Turkish cuisines had to offer. The number of attendants dropped down to only nine this time but that is the only negative thing that can be said of the evening. THE WRITERS OF THIS ARTICLE shall not mince words trying to convince the readers of the apparent awesomeness of the Food Club. Instead, we humbly suggest you look us up on Facebook and ask to join us if you already haven’t so you can join the fun. We would, however, like to take this opportunity to briefly explain the fundamental philosophy behind the Food Club.

ONE ONLY NEEDS to look at the enthusiasm with which Anglicans participate in the Bake Sales and the tremendous amount of effort they put into their delicious pastries and it becomes obvious: we Anglicans are a living contradiction to the popular and (hopefully) untrue true myth that, when it comes to cooking, we students are an unimaginative, uncreative and lazy lot; that we all too gladly shy away from the effort of actually preparing and cooking something ourselves, choosing to subsist on microwave noodles instead. As the Bake Sales and the aura of joy and the good times that always surround them demonstrate, the food we consume is not simply fuel to run the engine that is the human body but, as cheesy as it sounds, food is something that should bring people together to enjoy ourselves and also the company of our nearest and dearest. Eating together has been and should forever remain an important social ritual during which we nourish not only our bodies but our minds and spirits as well. This belief lies at the very heart of the unofficial motto of the Food Club: We all love good food and that is a love that is best shared! “In fact, people who possess no magic at all can instil their home-cooked meals with love and security and health, transforming ingredients and bringing disparate people together as family and friends. There's a reason that when opening one's home to guests, the first thing you do is offer food and drink. Cooking is a kind of everyday magic.” – Juliet Blackwell STAY HUNGRY!

Text ALEKSI KIM Photo ANTTI SUOMELA

ABC Rates Cheapo Beer IVE MEMBERS of Anglica Beer Club (later ABC) met to rate cheap lagers found at local Lidl stores and Citymarket supermarkets. The four raters were Aleksi Kim, Timo Savela, Antti Suomela and Ilkka Perkiö. Otto Lehikoinen acted as the beer slave and tiebreaker. THE BEERS were chosen rather arbitrarily, with a non-alcoholic and a premium but still affordable alternative thrown in for comparison. Rating was done in a blind experiment using appearance, smell, taste and mouthfeel as criteria. As all of our beers were cheap lagers, differences were predictably small; nevertheless, we had little trouble reaching a consensus. Without further ado, the results from worst to best are as follows: 7. NON-ALCOHOLIC NIKOLAI (3.42€/l). Couldn't fool us even in a blind test. Got ranked the worst of the lot by all of us. Entirely drinkable, but only in the sense that you don't have to chew it. Smells terrible, tastes even worse and won't even get you drunk. The brew of the abyss; considering that this is the kind of stuff that ABC members are forced to drink in Hell, I would suggest avoiding it like crotch rot for as long as you live. 6. EUROSHOPPER PREMIUM LAGER (3.30€/l). The name is both highly optimistic and ridiculous. The brand image cannot justify the sleep-inducingly boring red-and-white can. Sharp and metallic taste, so it's like drinking razor blades, only less pleasant. The price is too high as well. 5. KARJALA (2.91€/l). The common bar draught performed worse than we expected. Failed to

catch our imagination; it wasn't praised, but not scolded either. That's bland, all right. 4. NOBELANER (2.19€/l). The cheapest beer here is usually considered reasonably good, but the competition proved too tough this time. Like Karjala, Nobelaner received little flak but it wasn't praised either, so the two are the barrier between the dreadful nonsense and the good stuff. 3. SAKU ORIGINAAL (4,60€/l) Our premium alternative did quite well, but a strong malty first taste can only carry you so far when there is no aftertaste whatsoever. Can you truly convince yourself it's worth the price when it got beaten by two cheaper beers? 2. PIRKKA LAGER, tall yellow can (3.68€/l). Had a relatively rich taste, with hints of sweetness and hops. Reminded us of nightclubs, cheap bars, pool halls, sauna and barbeque, so should be easy to chug down anywhere and everywhere. 1. PIRKKA III, small blue can (2.79€/l). Shared first place with its sister beer until Otto voted for the blue one for its distinctness. Smells and tastes slightly sweet and floral, with a slight fruitiness to complete the package. The blue stuff is also cheaper of the two, so there you go. MANY LAUGHED at Pirkka when they unleashed their lagers upon the world, but now it turns out that Juho's praise may have had a very serious point. Make no mistake, cheap lager is always cheap lager, but we are happy to report that not all of them are as bad as you might think.

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Beer

Nikolai, nonalcoholic beer Pirkka Lager (yellow can)

Karjala

Euroshopper Premium Lager

Appearance

Smell

Taste

not what a very pale, sicklish beer should unpleasant yellow, malty, skunky, taste like, ”piss”, malty, nonswimming greenish existent – hall yellow strikingly so yellow, golden, pleasantly golden

malty, beery

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Mouthfeel

Overall

watery, littlemedium carbonation

easy to drink but tastes bad and smells even worse

sweet, malty, good for light floral sauna, cheap sidenotes (hops), nightclubs or generic, cheap light, medium bars, pool nightclub shit, carbonation halls; enjoy easy to chug with cheese down anywhere and anytime sausages

like someone a darker gold, beery, malty, had put out a cigarette in the yellow, slightly beer, average, golden yellow skunky blander than the 2nd, malty

quite light, light carbonation

between beer #1 and beer #2

light, little to medium sickly slightly fruity, slightly fruity, similar to #2 carbonation, pale/yellow, malty, floral meh, malty, ”if I remember but sharper like beer #1 notes sharp and thinner, correctly metallic stronger than #1-3 and #5-6”

golden, Nobelaner unpleasantly golden yellow, yellow

malty, light floral notes, light fruit, malty, OK

like #2, too much extremely ”Try carbon to taste light, lots of carbonated anything, malty, carbon, (light water instead. more distinct to) medium Still better aftertaste, 2nd carbonation than #1.” strongest taste

strong first yellow, malty, light floral taste – no light, medium Similar to #2 golden sidenotes, ”more aftertaste, Saku carbonation, and #4 but yellow, light attack – I have pungent malt Originaal yellow (lagercarbonated more drunk this but dies pretty carbonation like) before”, OK soon, malty

Pirkka III (blue can)

dark-ish golden yellow

plesant, sweet light, sweet, like a flower floral, quite light, Different from field, no good, slight carbonated, others, Pool distinct fruitiness that lacks in body hall vibe maltiness but separates it again ”more distinct from other from others” generic lagers

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A Minimal Pair

Pub Crawl Text JANNE HAAPANIEMI & ANNE HEIKKILÄ Photos VIIVI MUSTONEN

IT’S 8.47 AM and the two thirsty Anglican students are eagerly waiting for Alepub to open. It is a thirst that only beer can satisfy.

1 ALEPUB (Brahenkatu 2)

+ Prices (beer 2,90€, cider 3,50€) + staff: friendly - No patio/service outside - The customer base: already drunk at 9am…

After finishing our pints, we decided it was time to take care of some educational matters and headed towards Juslenia. (and Proffan Kellari)

2 JUSLENIA (Anglica’s coffee hour) (Henrikinkatu 2) + Free coffee - No alcohol

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3 PROFFAN KELLARI

(Rehtorinpellonkatu 6) + Happy hour: 12am to 5pm (beer 3,30€, cider 3,70€) + Staff (especially Teppo) + Board games, pool, darts + Patio + Customers: mostly students (and only some of them were drunk!) + Location location location - Music (when we were there it was a little bit depressing, but it varies from day to day) Our editor Katri joined us for the rest of the crawl and made Janne buy her some seriously expencive cider at Proffan Kellari.

4 BAR BRISTOL (Hämeenkatu 16)

+ Variety of beers + Music: oldies but goodies + Board games and quiz nights - Ladies room: the smell was indescribable,

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and definitely not in a good way (not even remotely breathable) - No patio After downing our drinks we decided to enjoy the approaching summer and headed towards the Turku Cathedral after a quick stop at KExtra Puhakka for some cold ones. .

5 TURKU CATHEDRAL

(Tuomiokirkonkatu 1) + Puhakka’s renowned selection of beers + Pricing (0,5l Heineken 2,99€) + Afternoon sun warms the stairs quite nicely - WINDY! - No music (the sound of traffic does not count) Having discussed enough about pandas and cats on beaches (!?) we started to make our way towards our next destination: the Main Library (with a quick pit stop at Lidl)

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6 MAIN LIBRARY (Linnankatu 2)

+ Cheapest beer so far (small can of Nobelaner 0,87€) + The sun shines on the stairs as well, less wind, more people around + Everything is close: toilets, bars, shops, food and you can even buy a warm coat for under 5€! - Despite of the sun, the stairs were still cold. Our tushies got cold! - Disapproving looks were cast at our direction (What do you mean we’re not allowed to drink here!?) Since we’re in Turku, we just had to include the river boats to this crawl, even though the best ones are not open yet.

7 CINDY (Itäinen Rantakatu, Teatterisilta) + There’s food (restaurant below deck, but what’s up with the way too small ketchup packets!?) + View + It’s a boat. On a river. That serves alcohol. Enough said? + “Christmas” lights - Beer selection: only a few options available

After a brief photo shoot session on the deck of Cindy, we decided to change venue and left for Janne’s regular hangout Bar4.

8 BAR 4 (Kristiinankatu 4)

+ Award winning service and bartenders: excellent drinks! + The best JalluVintage in Turku (A bottle of Henry Weston’s Vintage cider served in a 1l pint filled with ice and a shot of Jaloviina) Naturally that was what we ordered! + Board games + Good music: club nights with excellent DJ’s, for example KSK on Sunday’s + Small patio + Location (close to Night Club Marilyn and Forte) - There could be more seats for the customers

It was still early when we arrived to Bar4 so we decided we might as well play a game of Scrabble and see who’s got a way with the words. Janne did, although our editor was not far behind either. After that we figured we should be hungry, and stopped for some delicious Hesburger cheeseburgers.

9 EL GRINGO (Kauppiaskatu 3)

+ Student friendly prices: beer 3€, cider 3,5€ + Really good music, awesome latino rhythms + Awesome tortillas ayayayayay! - Gets cramped quickly due to its’ small size. (On the other hand it does give the place its’ signature intimateness) Enjoying the cheapness of our drinks at El Gringo, we decided to continue on the same track and headed to Tinatuoppi, aka Tinis.

10 TINATUOPPI (Eerikinkatu 8)

+ Again, cheap beer + Surprisingly good selection of beers and ciders + Music was ok - Weird smell, and the place was scruffy overall We entertained ourselves for a while with some Taistelu-Jaska up on the platform, but eventually felt the need for more class and hopped over to the neighboring bar, one of our favorites The Castle.

11 THE CASTLE (Eerikinkatu 6)

+ Excellent selection of beers, ciders and whiskeys (Magners 6,20€, but totally worth it. Fosters 5€, not so much worth it) + Great music and live performers on weekends + The award winning bouncer/ regular customer Kalle + The place has a real cozy Irish Pub feel to it with it’s old British add plackets hanging on the walls (Guinness, Royal Navy etc.)

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+ Most of the staff is British and the drinks from taps are served in actual pint sizes (0,568l) + Quiz night every Wednesday 8pm. Board games and darts are also available + A regular hangout for the English Department staff and students Another Anglican freshman, Niilo, joined us at this point of our journey and since it was already past 10pm we decided to hit the clubs. First up: Forte.

12 FORTE (Kristiinankatu 8)

+ Prices are ridiculously low! + The only night club open every day of the week + The place to be (especially) on Sunday nights - Even our notes got stuck to the table, and if you arenâ€™t careful, you might lose your shoes to the dance floor

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After Forte, we only had one last place to venture, the main venue of student parties: Night Club Marilyn.

13 NIGHT CLUB MARILYN

(Eerikinkatu 19) + For the real bang for your buck, look for the special offers! + The best student parties in Turku by far (mainly on Wednesdays and Thursdays) + Award winning night club - Sticky floors The girls got tired quite early after this eventful day and decided it was time to hit the hey, Niilo followed their lead pretty soon after, but Janne partied till closing time, as usual. (So obviously that part of the night remained a mystery for the rest of us).

THE MINIMAL PAIR Janne Freshman/Party & Culture. Usually drinks: Beer and/or Jallu Hangs out at: Bar4 Anne: Freshman Usually drinks: Magners/other cider Hangs out at: The Castle

Additional thanks to Viivi for the pictures and Niilo and Katri for their precious insight on the matters at hand!

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“Did you know...?” Text JOONAS NIKKANEN

There are plenty of rumours and stories students tell one another. Some of them sound unbelievable but are true nonetheless, whereas others are just pure fiction. The following collection is inspired by the possibilities offered by the colourful past of the campus as well as the human mind’s incredible ability to imagine things out of nothing and the way one-upmanship can make a circling rumour gradually more and more amazing...

DID YOU KNOW? The University’s main library is supposed to have this amazing collection of all the texts printed in Finland since way back. Yeah, supposedly they have, like, hundreds and hundreds of shelves filled with books, newspapers, magazines and even stuff like advertisement print-outs and movie posters and-... What d’you mean ‘that’s just silly’? It’s true. I tell ya! There’s, like, a law that says they have to store each and every copy of Turun Sanomat as well as every single Seiska. Not that anybody would read them there.” “Mmm, though it might sound stupid it is true. Still, it would take quite a bit of space... That would explain why they decided to build the library up on the freaking hill – damn, it’s a pain to walk up those stairs every day- so that they would have somewhere to dig all those corridors and tunnels for them archives.” “If they really wanted to build it underground they could have done it pretty much anywhere! But yeah, it is a bit weird to dig down up there instead of simply building

upward or something. Why did they do it that way?” * “Oh, you mean the tunnels under the university hill? Sure I know why they chose to use them! I bet you didn’t know this but those were actually there long before the current university was built. My Granpa told me that when they still had the garrison downhill, where they nowadays have Edu and Calonia, there was a ‘supply’ tunnel that ran from a storehouse near the hill through the entire hill all the way to the cathedral. It was meant to be used for, you know, more discreet business since it made it easy to slip away for a night in the city and be back without people being none the wiser. Or at least until the entrance collapsed! Granpa said that one poor sod almost got himself buried alive there. The garrison was already being relocated to another place, though, so the whole incident was just swept under the rug, you know. I mean, with the entrance

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sealed you couldn’t get into the tunnels anymore except by digging new ones, so it didn’t really matter.” “Then what about the other end? The one near the cathedral, was it closed off as well?” “Apparently it’s supposed to have been in somebody’s basement, so I can’t imagine it would be used too often. You do have a point though...” * “Bah! All that about kilometres’ worth of books collecting dust in the basement of a library is nothing, nothing, compared to the other things you can get to through those tunnels. For instance, did you know that the uni’ got a quite generous donation from a couple of Finnish-American miners a few decades ago: gold nuggets! I’m not pulling your leg here, they really just gave away a bloody treasure and the whole thing is apparently still being kept in some small vault located under the university hill. I’m one of the few who knows this but, and this is just between you and me, you can actually get to those riches through the tunnel network. I know, I wouldn’t believe it myself if I didn’t consider my source trustworthy! I mean, he’s as annoying as they get but the guy has this uncanny ability to just pop out of nowhere. Either he can teleport or something or he has some way of using those underground shortcuts. There’s no way he could otherwise get from one side of the campus to another so quickly without anyone seeing him. I swear that fracking trickster probably gets some kinky kicks out of messing with normal people’s heads. Said he’s seen the nuggets with his own eyes! He didn’t take any of ‘em, mind you, ‘cause it “wasn’t his thing”. Doesn’t stop him from bragging about it...”

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“No offence, but you have got to stop spreading all those ridiculous rumours. Though I have to admit that I have sometimes wondered myself if the hill is as full of holes as a wheel of Swiss cheese. It’s just that when I started here, they told me that Juslenia was supposed to be taken down over ten years ago and every year people would say “this year they’ll finally do it”. Well, I won’t be convinced until I see the place going down with my own eyes. But anyway, the thing is that some say we have just been waiting for the building to sink and crumble down on its own as the underground corridors would finally collapse. I’m somewhat disinclined to believe it myself but you never know, eh?” Disclaimer: This text is meant for entertainment and page filler purposes only. Do not take seriously.

BACCANALIA

2012

Lacydemon I've read tens of books this month already But none of them mention Lacydemon Knowing "Not Knowing What to Do" won't suffice "Pseudonyms of Satan in a Nutshell" don't matter Thorough skimming of the fables' fat covers Brief me and that's enough of them, I think Now, Lacydemon, a character or characteristic In this one story I search for remains elusive in its full form which is truly paradoxical Like a headless man still living his life Laced letters are not to be demonized anymore; Too many trees are butchered everyday

Poems

By JANNE PELTOMĂ„KI

The Hangover Poem All sorts of liquids are downed. Down three too many And guts equal egg white and boisterous yolk We disco/nnect and the fight continues inside Stomach's an isle, a British continent of stillness We fend off beating waves - content for a moment In the natural balance that does not come to us naturally Oftentimes, though, we are pushed off the cliff, the brink But what is this? It's not an urge. It's inevitability. Sense of duty. I am forced to climb this impossible hill this Friday, too And sit beside similar carcasses in the morgue (for ninety minutes) Excs m'

Emmelin Church bells ring. Each heavy thrust denotes the beginning To which I must return every tonight, the next this night with subtle variations. Hmmh, something isn't right; I turn to face the window. An out-of-place happy face in it. Begs: "Lemmein, lemmein!" "Emmelin, I'll kill you!" But its constant screeches never let me have my say. I cannot "Escape!" "Curses!" Paper-cut glued face, planked, sways with each echo of the ring; my side is a sheet tonight. I'd escape if I could and ride and stop only to look at the time. Repressed time in me would be unraveled, saturated with one more color fuller and fuller like one I've seen. I would become a magnifying glass lens and the world my metal frame, I'd never be seen. "But God is dead and mankind cannot sleep!" "Salvation for the faithless!" I can hear or I imagine things or I remember "Paradise is in me. You'll die each hour but live eternally." I can never progress past one when I die a true death on a nightmare forest road or on a hospital bed or with my face kissing the freezing sprawling glass. Iris of hell lets me inside as a red vapor, late, unless I open the hinges first.