Baccanalia 2015

CONTENTS 3

Contents

4

Editorial

Johannes Suoranta

5

Words From the chair

Pirkka Hallamaa

6

The Board of 2015

Ida Räsänen

10

Britpop, actually.

Lassi Yli-Muilu

12

Singing the Same Tune

Joni Järvinen

15

May Day Mad Libs

Leena Hyrsky

16

Let Turku Take a #Selfie

Auriina Kaarento & Eetu Laine

18

The Newcomer

Essi Haapaniemi

19

Words from an Oldie

Taru Suova

20

Necromancers 2015

Johannes Suoranta

22

SecretarieS

Auriina Kaarento

24

The morning after

Saku Hellbom

25

Living in America

Pauliina Rautiainen

27

Adventures in Asia

Pipariina Lehtonen

29

YOLOhja

Ville Heirola & Atte Makkonen

30

Prefect Day

Päivi T. Tua

bacchanalia 1. (often capital) orgiastic rites associated with Bacchus 2. any drunken revelry Baccanalia Anglica ry. 2015 Printing: X-Copy Run: 90 Editor: Johannes Suoranta Layout: Mikko Suhonen Thanks: Essi Haapaniemi, Pirkka Hallamaa, Ville Heirola, Saku Hellbom, Joni Järvinen, Auriina Kaarento, Antti Kaunismäki, Eetu Laine, Anu Laurila, Pipariina Lehtonen, Riina Lumme, Atte Makkonen, Viivi Mustonen, Pauliina Rautiainen, Ida Räsänen, Johannes Suoranta, Taru Suova, Olli Törmä, Lassi Yli-Muilu and the people we forgot to mention. And you for reading this! Go you.

EDITORIAL JOHANNES SUORANTA

S

pring has once again snuck up on us, and with it May Day. How do the days run by! I am quite sure that it was only yesterday when I started, for the second time in my life, to make new friends from my fellow Anglicans.

We have truly had an awesome year, haven’t we? I am once again humbled by people all around me. Thank you all, you bring out the best in me. Now, let’s get to it, shall we?

I have personally been even more active this year than on my first, which is saying a lot. That is the beauty of Anglica, it draws people together and makes them do stuff together. And boy oh boy, we have been active this year! We have had numerous sitzes and other parties, and some little pocket dimensions within Anglica, for example the somewhat new beast called Anglica’s Gaming Crew, has also kept people from the supposed academic work. They say that student organisations that have numerous and varied activities all throughout the academic year and possibly also during the summer (beer and BBQ, anyone?) stay together, and I have to agree.

This volcanic publication known as Baccanalia holds the truth between those words. We have stories from faraway lands written by our lovely special correspondents Pipariina and Pauliina, Lassi telling us how it was like to spin records at Britpop and we even have a dark horse who spins yarns across the oceans of time, to name but a few. In addition to these really awesome texts we also get to look at some pretty pictures and learn something new from people around us. To me, Anglica is synonomous with friendship, and this issue celebrates that fact. Well, every issue so far has, but this one especially.

As I am writing this, I can’t help but to notice that I have missed my own deadline. Well, no matter, I am running this ship now! I should probably seal the deal before everyone realises that I might have not been the best choice for this post. Luckily I had the best possible aid in my Great White Editor-in-Chief -duties. I want to thank Essi and Mikko for all their help and each and every contributor, you are what makes Baccanalia the single greatest May Day publication which Anglica puts out.

I will now steal a rather sexy move from last year’s head honcho, Lassi, who is just one of the awesome people

whom I got to know this year. I will also put a quote here which fits this fine and glorious day:

“He who makes a beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man.”

- Samuel Johnson

I could have done this more stealthily, couldn’t I, not giving it away like that? Well, no matter, it’s May Day. Smile, drink and be merry, I know I will be. Let the bedlam commence!

WORDS FROM THE CHAIR PIRKKA HALLAMAA

”Baking a cake, yes, means you gotta try. I’m doing this for years, but don’t ask me why” - Cheap Cheap the Cooking Chicken, PaRappa the Rapper

B

efore starting the process of writing the wise words from the Chair, I spent a good while reading the works of my predecessors. They had quoted famous English authors and other great thinkers. My brain is still trying to reconstruct itself after the yearly Big Bang also known as NMES, so my quote comes from a quirky Japanese video game. The Chairs also wrapped their text up with some great life advice. Oh lord.

First I thought about writing this whole text as a poem, since that would’ve been something new and special. But then I understood that my status as the serious leader of Anglica required words without any additional pointless gimmicks. See, this is my fourth and final year in the board, and I guess an artificially funny poem won’t cut it.

I just want to say that for the past four years I’ve had the delight of enjoying Anglica’s events, happenings, occasions and parties. I’ve arranged many of ‘em with my beloved board member friends, but I still have to say the best moments are the ones when I see our even more beloved members attending to those events, socializing with one another and having fun.

Anglica is nothing without you. Yes, YOU. You’re the reason this magazine was printed. You’re the reason Anglica does different events weekly. If you weren’t such an awesome person I wouldn’t have stayed in the board of Anglica this long. So, heartfelt thank yous to you, enjoy the May Day and have a great summer!

Oh yeah, the life advice. Cool kids stay at school. Don’t smoke banana peels. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start.

“A chicken in the kitchen is making all the sound, the cake is done while we were sitting around.”

THE BOARD OF 2015

IDA RÄSÄNEN

T

hey drink coffee at Coffee Hour. They throw parties and arrange bakesales. They make sure all is well and dandy with their fellow Anglicans. But who are they? Where did they come from? What makes them cry? And most importantly, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck? Who knows, but here are some things about the members of the Board of Anglica you never knew you always needed to know.

CHAIR

Name, age, favorite color?

Pirkka, 27/M/Turku, persimmon orange.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I’ll just let lady faith decide that and enjoy the ride! Or a Pokémon trainer, if that ever becomes a possibility.

The best Disney movie ever is...?

This is probably the eight year old Pirkka speaking, but seeing Lion King in a movie theatre was a life-changing experience. So I guess we’ll have to go with that. Then again, ‘That Darn Cat!’ from 1965 has an awesome title!

What is your favorite place to eat in Turku, and why?

It’s not the place that matters, it’s the company! Unless it’s Trattoria Romana. I’d eat with Janne Kataja and Sami Hedberg in Trattoria Romana.

How do you feel about pineapple in pizza?

How do YOU feel about tuna fish in your morning porridge?

VICE CHAIR

Name, age, favorite color?

Auriina Kaarento, 24, green What do you want to be when you grow up?

Dumbledore Is there anything you feel you’re too old for? If so, what?

I’m too old for sitting on the floor on my knees for more than 10 minutes What is your favorite place to eat in Turku, and why?

Smör’s surprise menu, a seven-course finest quality meal for an affordable price Say something inspirational?

One can never have too many spare lip balms.

TREASURER

Name, age, favorite color?

Leena Hyrsky, 23, burgundy What do you want to be when you grow up?

I’m gonna go all cheesy on this one but my answer is happy. I have given up on some dreams when I have realized I don’t have it in me, and I’ve accepted the fact that you never know where life takes you – so happy is something I want to be, whatever happens.

If you wrote an autobiography, what would the title be?

Netflix, food and some more Netflix– The Leena Hyrsky story The best Disney movie ever is…?

The ultimate bestest everest is definitely Lion King, but one that I have probably watched the most times is Princess and the Frog. New Orleans, the music, the voodoo, the Cajun accent, it’s an amazing movie!

Say something inspirational?

“Remember the sloth. They don’t do shit and haven’t gone extinct. I’m sure you can afford to take a nap!” Not my words but damn are they true.

SECRETARY

Name, age, favorite color?

Anu, 21, maybe green? Blue is also nice.

If you wrote an autobiography, what would the title be?

“101 ways to inform everyone you’re tired and you want to go home: an autobiography by me” Is there anything you feel you’re too old for? If so, what?

Going into men’s locker rooms in swimming halls without anyone questioning it.

What is your favorite place to eat in Turku, and why?

There are many great restaurants in Turku, but nothing beats the Subway at Hämeenkatu, when you’re drunk and going home at 4 in the morning.

How do you feel about pineapple in pizza?

BURN IT WITH FIYAAH. I mean, I strongly dislike it.

INFO

Name, age, favorite color?

Kalle Moilanen, 22, favorite color: Forest Green What do you want to be when you grow up?

A failed musician/A failed comedian/Teacher of English If you wrote an autobiography, what would the title be?

“How to grow a mustache, kill a joke, and other basic life lessons” How do you feel about pineapple in pizza?

No way. Too sweet, especially when cooked. I like fresh pineapple, but keep it away from my pizzas! (also, if I pick pineapple as one of my toppings in a restaurant, there will be less room for meat on the pizza) Say something inspirational?

“Dude, sucking at something is the first step towards being sort of good at something.”

-Jake The Dog

PROJECTS

Name, age, favorite color?

Essi, 23, blue.

If you wrote an autobiography, what would the title be?

“Life among my weirdo Facebook friends” Is there anything you feel you’re too old for? If so, what?

Not really, I’m a young soul!

The best Disney movie ever is…?

This is a tough one, since I’m very passionate about Disney movies. I’d have to say that The Lion King and The Little Mermaid share the top spot.

What is your favorite place to eat in Turku, and why?

Maybe Cantina Azteca, I enjoy the relaxed atmosphere and the delicious Mexican food. My other favourites are (Ranta)Kerttu, Mami, Blanko and Tintå.

SOPO / KOPO

Name, age, favorite color?

Marika Santavirta, twenty-six, my favourite color is the one of which Aerosmith sings about: pink!

Is there anything you feel you’re too old for? If so, what?

Nightclubs’ dancing poles. If you see me there, drag me away please!

The best Disney movie ever is…?

Oh, so hard to decide because I love them all.. I am old fashioned and love princess fairytales so I’m gonna go with Cinderella.

What is your favorite place to eat in Turku, and why?

Restaurant Di Trevi is my absolute favourite.

How do you feel about pineapple in pizza?

In my opinion pineapple belongs in a pizza even though in Italy you might go to jail even mentioning those two in the same sentence.

PARTY & CULTURE

Name, age, favorite color?

Charlotte, 22, blue.

Is there anything you feel you’re too old for? If so, what?

Unfortunately the bouncy castle and ball pool.

The best Disney movie ever is...?

But they’re all amazing! I’m going to say Peter Pan, because after the previous question I don’t want to grow up either!

How do you feel about pineapple in pizza?

I love it!

Say something inspirational?

“Nothing is impossible; the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!”

- Audrey Hepburn

PARTY & CULTURE

Name, age, favorite color?

Saara Lindberg, 22, cornflower blue!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I think teaching English might be it.

Is there anything you feel you’re too old for? If so, what?

Look at what former Disney Channel stars post on Instagram but I still do that.

What is your favorite place to eat in Turku, and why?

Panini, because how can delicious Italian food be so affordable?

Say something inspirational?

Whenever you feel like you’re not doing as well as you should, think about yourself at 13 and how far you’ve come. You’ll feel so much better.

VICE MEMBER

Name, age, favorite color?

Juuso, 22 years, none.

If you wrote an autobiography, what would the title be?

It’s All About Me: The Self-Indulgent Ramblings of a Twenty-Something Know-It-All. Is there anything you feel you’re too old for? If so, what?

I’m too old to believe that anyone knows what’s going on.

The best Disney movie ever is…?

Frozen - nothing is as glorious as Olaf’s summer song. Or Miracle because I’m a sucker for cheesy sports movies.

Say something inspirational?

“You can fail at what you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love.”

- Jim Carrey

VICE MEMBER

Name, age, favorite color?

Joni Järvinen, 24. Favorite color is red. And blue. And green. But mainly blue. Or red.

If you wrote an autobiography, what would the title be?

I don’t know, but I’d want it to be a pop-up book to make my life seem more interesting than it really is.

Is there anything you feel you’re too old for? If so, what? Probably being breastfed. Other than that, not really.

How do you feel about pineapple in pizza?

I have no issues with it. I believe that we as a humanity have far greater things to worry about. Like mankinis and belfies.

Say something inspirational?

If you ever feel like you can’t cope with something, don’t be alone. Talk to someone. Most people want to help if they can. Then eat some ice cream and you’ll feel much better :)

BRITPOP, ACTUALLY.

A pop music lesson on the dance floor.

LASSI YLI-MUILU “Pop music has greater power to change people and to affect people because it’s a universal language. You don’t have to understand music to understand the power of a pop song.”

I

love pop music. What other genre of music could ever hope to encompass so much variation and convey so many emotions? From bliss to blah to the blues, pop has it all. Now, you might be thinking mainly of artists such as Madonna or One Direction, the chart-topping stuff. If you do, don’t. For me, pop music represents the freedom to set your tune and the instruments according to it, be it an acoustic guitar, a synthesizer, a cello or a harp.

Although many pop songs do have a predictable form, to me, pop can be freely formatted to the needs and wishes of its author.

Given that a good deal of the pop I’ve spun on the plate or filtered through my auditory canals does come from the British Isles, I was rather intrigued to be given the possibility of reappearing yet again as Raaka Popmuiluttaja, this time at my favourite club in Turku and with a British twist, obviously. Additionally, Britpop has to be one of Anglica’s best events. Luckily I had a nifty partner in crime, Maailman ihanin Ismo, a dear chap and a fellow music buff. I wanted to give people a tune or two to dance to, a chance to experience emotions from nostalgia to euphoria (slight exaggeration there, but as I say, aim high) and of course spin a few of my personal favourites while at it. Now, approaching the task did require a fair amount of planning and balancing. On one hand, you do want to give people the music they know and want to hear; on the other hand, you do want people to discover new music, too. The order of tracks is key as well, if we play this and this first, then what. Not being an experienced DJ, I had no idea what would actually keep

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- Paul Epworth

people on the dance floor (although playing Spice Girls every 15 minutes could do the trick).

Negotiating our approach to the set list we were quite unanimous: yes, the big, actual Britpop hits need to crop up here and there. Then again, Britpop as a genre isn’t actually all that danceable (and I happen to think that dancing makes everything a bit better), added to the fact that the actual era of Britpop was only a few years somewhere in the mid-1990s. After listing the big hits by you-know-which artists, what was left of the actual Britpop seemed like a whole bunch of semi-obscure lukewarm guitar-driven mid-tempo tracks. Also, paging (i.e. clicking) through lists of “50 Absolutely Greatest Britpop Songs of All Times Ever Ranked” I noticed these lists usually included music from about ten different artists with Oasis usually taking places 3, 2 and 1. So… yeah.

Anyway, being one who sometimes lacks a respect for clear boundaries, we decided to take a wider, holistic approach to the matter. As long as it came from the British Isles and suited our tastes, we were okay with it.

Working with a partner offered us both a few insights, too. I volunteered probably more tracks than my partner could actually digest and he some of his favourites.

Picking the best of 80’s synthpop and revisiting some of the slightly nostalgic classics from the early noughties my goal was set. This needed to be a pop feast, a musical banquet to cater the needs of the dancing crowd.

Additionally, we had themes. There were the easy going

mid-tempo tracks of the early evening, the more classic and punk-ish slot, the pure pop bliss period, the classic Britpop-tunes, the 80s hit parade, the tough hour of sweat, the drunken let-me-lean-on-you-for-just-a-bit anthems (pointing towards you, Verve and Oasis) and of course the final built-up by someone you know is never going to give you up.

So we had ambitious plans. So what? It turned out to be a reasonably successful evening, at least from my point of view. Setting our equipment (and learning how to use it, too) we began our night. Gradually the dance floor filled up, adding to our inevitable, nascent sense of contentment. As a DJ, a perk (depending on how you want to see it) is getting feedback and hearing all kind of, hmm, stuff from the audience. To some of which I was tempted to reply: “No, by 2:30 am we haven’t played any Suede, why… should we?”

“Yes, absolutely, in future we will stick to a genre of your preference – just name it!”

“I realize that the Pokemón theme song and Candy Shop are your favourites, but they’re not exactly on the menu tonight, you know?”

“Yes, I realize it was a shock to you that we haven’t got the whole history of British music at our fingertips right now, but breathe darling, we’re only humans after all.”

How very dare we indeed? Okay, joking aside, we really enjoyed playing all those tunes and seeing how people had a good time (until approximately 3:45 am when a member of the staff said “okay, enough” and we had to vacate the booth). But that’s the main thing after all, having a decent time. I feel like that applies to life, too.

No matter what you do, always (try) to have a good time. That’s why I love pop music – I have a good time listening to pop. And I hope you all had, too!

“Of course, I will play that track again because you thought it came up at the wrong time.”

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SINGING THE SAME TUNE JONI JÄRVINEN

“T

irlillillil!” echoes in the auditorium of Educarium, where the Turku University Choir is practicing hard for the upcoming spring concert. The somewhat challenging rhythmic choreography of the Finnish folk song “Tirlil” is causing some rather puzzled expressions on the faces of some singers.

“We need more precision at the start of each phrase! Let’s go again from the first measure,” conductor Mikko Sidoroff instructs. And indeed, the assidous finetuning continues.

Turku University Choir was founded in 1987 and it is comprised of around 60 men and women. Despite its name, the choir is not only for those who are students at the University. Some singers have already finished their studies, but decided to continue the hobby they enjoy and love. Some attend, for example, Åbo Akademi or Turku University of Applied Sciences.

In essence, the choir is open for anyone who takes part in the auditions and is consequently approved by the choir’s Artistic Board. Auditions are held at least once a year.

AT THE HELM

The choir rehearses each week from 6 pm to 9 pm on Thursdays, normally at Arcanum. Since 2009, these rehearsals have been led with humor and professionalism

by Mikko Sidoroff, who is the conductor of three different choirs, as well as a composer.

Sidoroff holds the degree of Master of Music from the Sibelius Academy, from which he graduated in 2011. Since then he has established himself as a notable choir leader and composer of Orthodox church music, but

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has not been afraid to test his skills in other music genres too.

“Recently I’ve composed multiple pieces outside the sphere of Orthodox church music for many different choirs. However, that is the genre that has always been the closest to my heart ever since I started composing in high school.”

When asked about the Turku University Choir, Sidoroff says he has enjoyed conducting the group.

“The singers are talented and it is very rewarding to work with them. On average, the singers are younger than in the other choirs I conduct.

Members of the choir also perform frequently in quartets at events such as weddings and birthdays.

Sidoroff notes that the choir’s strong tradition of quartet singing is immensly beneficial.

“Singing in quartets helps people develop their vocal skills, which in turn helps to polish the overall sound of the choir.”

This year the foundation of the spring repertoire are six songs that are the finalists of the choir’s composition competition. Each song will be performed in the spring concert, where the winner of the competition, chosen by a jury of four professional musicians, will be announced. The rest of the concert consists of songs composed by the members of the jury.

According to Sidoroff, the choir has performed well when practicing the versatile repertoire.

“Rehearsals have gone well. A lot of new singers have started this academic year, so the choir sounds a bit different when compared to last spring. This brings its challenges, but also new possibilities. We have a large choir with great potential,” he adds.

THE ANGLICAN INVASION During this academic year there were two auditions, and a strange phenomenon has been noted within the choir. Seven of the new singers are English majors and members of Anglica. And six of them are first-year students.

What on Earth could be the reason behind the Anglican invasion? That is what people have kept wondering since early fall.

It seems that all the Anglicans in the choir have been involved with music most of their lives. Three of them, Aino Aavaluoma, Emilia Kemppainen and Riina

Laakso, all decided to audition in order to fill a small musical void in their lives.

“I moved to Turku from Helsinki, where I was in a band. Since I didn’t have that anymore, I wanted to find another way to practice music,” Aino explains.

Aino has always played many instruments, even though she has never studied music. She says understanding music theory and reading notes are whole new learning experiences for her.

“It’s easier to sing in a choir if you can read notes. I’m doing my best to be able to sing prima vista one day!” she laughs.

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Riina and Emilia have both been to Puolalanmäki music-oriented high school and have experience of singing in a choir. After high school, they both wanted to continue the hobby.

“I’ve been in a music class when I was younger and I’ve played the piano for nine years. I wanted to keep music as a hobby, and being in a choir is a great way to do that.”

“Singing in a choir is a fantastic hobby to have,” Riina adds. “It’s both fun and rewarding to sing with others.”

According to them, the choir is a community of like-minded people, who are open and accepting. In Aino’s opinion, the best aspect of the choir is that it is full of people of all ages in various life situations, coming from different backgrounds.

“We are all brought together by our love of music,” she concludes.

CHIME IN!

The choir works closely with both the University and the Student Union of the University of Turku. The group can be heard performing in many events that play a significant role in upholding academic traditions. This spring is no exception.

In addition to the spring concert on May 9th, the choir will also perform traditionally at Taidemuseonmäki during the May Day celebrations. They will also be singing at the University’s Ceremonial Conferment of Doctoral Degrees .

After this, there is a well deserved summer break. The new academic year will once again begin with auditioning new prospective singers.

In the audition, people must complete a couple short singing tests to show they have the musical abilities needed for choral singing. The applicant should also choose one song that they can sing a capella.

Mikko Sidoroff gives a few pointers to anyone who is considering taking part in the auditions. He says it is best to choose a simple song, like a folk song.

“The song should be one that gives the person a chance to demonstrate the best qualities of their voice.”

Finally, he ends with a piece of advice that appropriately summarizes what the Turku University Choir is all about.

“Just be yourself.”

Photos: Riina Lumme & Olli Törmä 14

MAY DAY MAD LIBS LEENA HYRSKY I’m sure many of you remember doing the gap-filling stories with your friends, “fart was farting fartingly in the fart” etc. Now you get to release your inner child, and create your very own May Day story. Ask friends, acquaintances or complete strangers for words to fill up the gaps, and see how your Vappu turned out!

OMG, it’s time for Vappu! I wake up looking like a ___________ (adjective) __________ (noun), pull on my _________ (adjective) overalls and make my way towards the __________ (adjective) Juslenia building. I’m glad we’re staying on the front lawn, ‘cause someone told me the building is infested with _______ (noun), yuck! I see some ___________ (adjective) Anglicans ___________ (verb ing-form) _______ (adverb of manner), as usual. I hear people singing that Robin song, you know the one that goes “Boom ______ (interjection), boom boom _____ (interjection)”. The table is full of ________ (adjective) goods; ______ (adjective) pasta salad, _______ (noun) filled donuts and baguettes. This year they’re even serving _______ (adjective) _________ (plural noun)!

The punch tastes like _______ (noun) and _________ (noun), it’s really yummy. The celebration goes on, people are chatting and __________ (verb ing-from), everyone’s having a great time.

The Baccanalias are flying off the shelf, probably because there’s a picture of a __________ (adjective) _______ (noun) on the cover. I especially enjoyed the words from our very own chair, Pirkka “The ________ (noun)” Hallamaa. But now it’s time to move the celebration to the _________ (adjective) city center for the capping. Kauppatori is filled with _________ (adjective) people, who ____________ (verb) ___________ (adverb of manner), and are holding balloons shaped like __________ (plural noun). The clock strikes six and the caps fly in the air, it looks like a sea of ________ (plural noun). The _________ (adjective) champagne is flowing and everyone’s singing and _________ (verb ing-form) merrily. We take some pictures with friends and post them with #__________________ (anything!). Life is good, “_________ (noun in Finnish) on irti” by Antti Tuisku is playing and someone made up a new dance move called “the __________ (verb ingform) _________ (noun)”. We end up at a party full of _________ (verb ing-form) __________ (plural noun), and dance the night away __________ (adverb of manner). I eat a late night __________ (adjective) kebab I got from a new place called the “ ________ (adjective) _________ (noun)”, and walk home listening to the _________ (plural noun) __________ (verb ing-form) in the night and think to myself what a __________ (adjective) May Day this was!

THE END

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LET TURKU TAKE A #SELFIE AURIINA KAARENTO & EETU LAINE

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3 2

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7 1. Posankka Caribia 2. Lilja Runeberg’s park 3. Paavo Nurmi Aurasilta

4. Genius ohjaa nuoruutta Turku University fountain 5. Hirvi Kupittaa

6. Portsan pojat Puutarhakatu 34 7. Kissa-Alli Hämeenkatu 6 8. Tähtiin tähyävät Myllysilta 17

THE NEWCOMER ESSI HAAPANIEMI

S

ome of you may know her from Introduction to Linguistics or Presentation Skills for example, but to many of us Susanna Mäkinen is still a new acquaintance.

I decided to get to know the newcomer of the Department of English a bit better.

1. Let’s start with the basics: where are you originally from and how did you end up here at the university of Turku?

Despite having spent the first couple of years of my childhood in Vihti and Kankaanpää, the place I feel I hail from is Jämijärvi – my home town for the majority of my childhood and teen years, and the place where my old room is still waiting for me whenever I visit my parents. I first ended up in Turku in 2002, when I started my English studies at the university (to a certain extent following in my mom’s footsteps, as she’d studied at the English department here as well). After graduating, I spent four years teaching English and French in my old high school in Kankaanpää. However, the idea of postgraduate studies had been brewing on the back of my mind, so when the time was right (i.e. the person I’d been filling in for came back from parental leave), I decided to make a comeback to university life and Turku.

2. Was being a teacher always your goal or did you have any other dream jobs?

When I was a kid, it’s what I wrote in the questionnaires in those “friend books” under “What I want to be when I grow up”. However, my opinion changed a bit over the years and I distinctly remember telling a friend of mine in high school to “punch me in the head until I come to

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my senses” if I ever even start considering becoming a teacher. My friend obviously failed to do so, as I went on to study languages in the university, then decided to do the teacher training “just in case”, and in the end came to the conclusion that teaching is perhaps not that bad an option after all…

3. What is your favourite thing about teaching here?

Being able to answer the question “So, what are you doing these days?” with “Oh, I am teaching at the university” – as it probably sounds more impressive than it actually is :) But honestly, teaching here is interesting because I get to learn all sorts of new things myself all the time.

4. What do you like to in your spare time?

There is the perennial favourite of “lying on the sofa, watching reruns on TV while simultaneously surfing the internet”. Other (not terribly exciting) activities I do in my spare time include reading, doing crossword puzzles (particularly the L.A. Times ones online), the occasional knitting project, keeping in touch with my friends, etc.

5. What is your favourite thing about Turku?

The thing I missed the most when I lived elsewhere was perhaps being a walking distance away from a movie theatre. I also like the general “ambiance” here, the fact that Turku is a city with a long history, and (like anyone with eyes in their head and a shred of good taste) I really enjoy the riverside in the summer.

Baccanalia’s readers thank Susanna for the interview!

WORDS FROM AN OLDIE TARU SUOVA

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ather ‘round, kids, for words from an old student.

How old? Old enough to vaguely remember the first round of Rick Astley’s pop culture relevance. The lack of available sticker space on my student card is evidence I’ve been around a while. Remember the ship from the Pirates of the Caribbean with the crew all crustily melded into its hull, faces covered in clams and seaweed? Think of the English Department as the Flying Dutchman, and me as the pirate-barnacle stuck to its side. Yo-ho, yo-ho, a student’s life for me.

I feel like my lengthy stint gives me a unique perspective.

During my slow crawl towards graduation I’ve seen the department grow and change. Back in the day it was English Philology, a wholly separate beast from the English Translation, and I still haven’t quite adjusted to the marriage of the houses of philology and translation.

I’ve seen professors come and go, retire and, sadly, pass away. I think of John Skinner, rest his amazing soul, with his jokes about crawling into bed with a fat Trollope.

Keith Battarbee marching into the lecture room roaring the opening lines of Henry V. The vein on Lydia’s temple throbbing when my paper was three days late (which it usually was.) The desks in Juslenia classrooms, you know, the ones that trapped you snugly like a toddler in a high chair. It’s probably an apt simile, as I did grow up with the English department, and I think of it if not exactly like a parent, then a slightly grumpy but benevolent uncle.

Apart from eventually moving out of Juslenia, one of the positive developments I’ve noticed over the years is the increasing amount of guidance offered to students these days. There are obligatory classes of the “what is this degree for anyway” variety. The department has an entire person now whose job it is to provide study counseling, which is fairly brilliant. In my freshman year you got

a 15 minute tête-à-tête with a faculty member labeled “academic advising”, and thenceforth it was up to you to swim or sink. ”HOPS” was just a beer ingredient. They also expect all sorts of insight from you now, like having some kind of idea about how to be employable upon eventual graduation. Part of it is, I suppose, awareness of the fact that having a degree isn’t enough anymore; you need to display a set of applicable skills besides the ability to understand complicated puns about the Norman Conquest. It forces you to consider life after university, the thrilling and terrifying climb into adulthood.

Some professors of the old order think students are being coddled too much, that they won’t learn to become independent if they’re lead by the hand. They probably also think we should relinquish our laptops and go back to parchment and quills because dammit, son, you’re too soft and that’s why you’ll never be a real frontiersman.

I think it’s in the best interests of the university to help students along so they graduate in a timely fashion and become functioning members of society, instead of becoming that weird cloaked figure in the corner of the seminar library that hisses menacingly when you get too close.

This summer, the powers permitting, I’m getting my coat and walking out with a master’s degree. There were a couple of times I considered giving up and settling with a BA, but I’m very glad I didn’t. At the time of writing this I’m not sure whether I’ll make it to publiikki, but if I do, I’ll be the one doing a slo-mo powerwalk to Queen’s “We Are the Champions” in a shower of champagne. Slow and steady does occasionally win the race. So, if there’s some advice I want to leave you with it’s this: Don’t compare your progress with anyone else’s. Do back up your hard drive. Choose an occasional class for its entertainment value. Take your time, but don’t be a barnacle.

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In the Crypt of the NecroMancErS 2015 JOHANNES SUORANTA

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The train ride to Vaasa was quite uneventful, most of us even managed not to start boozing in the restaurant car. We got to Vaasa easily enough, but the minute we got out of the train...The city tried to blow us back into the train and send us back home, or so it felt like. The weather was something close to a hurricane, but it did not deter us from procuring alcohol, food and accomodation. A few kilos of greasy Rax pizza and a few beers makes everything seem much better, and we settled well enough.

Soon it was time for the first event, the checkpoint race.

On the windiest of plazas we were rounded up and divided.

We were treated like cattle, I say! But it turned out for the best, as I was teamed up with truly amazing people and started to run from checkpoint to checkpoint. The first task was to fling undergarments to a pair of antlers. Sadly, the antlers had been detached from any animal they had previously been attached into, but you can’t get everything you want. After the somewhat arousing experience which also sadly did not make me question my life decisions, I saw that the organisers were all drinking Gambina. What are these goddamn animals?!

I raised my own bottle to my lips and pressed on deeper into this kingdom of apparent decadence.

Other checkpoints included close physical contact with my teammate Joonas (also somewhat arousing), amateur theatricals and crossing a river of feces (while carrying an injured teammate), to name a few.

Libations were freely enjoyed, although the weather conditions once again tried to snatch them from our hands. This entertainment carried us nicely until 9 PM, after which there was sauna and more mingling at Domus Bothnica. I remember mingling with some enchanting people, drinking beer, hugging numerous bearded gentlemen and comparing our palindromes (if you what I mean!) in the heat of a Vaasaian sauna. Then calamity struck. Someone had stolen one of my black socks! Thieves (or possibly just drunk people) make a man run around drunk wearing just one sock, shouting profanities. #Sukkagate2015 was a reality.

Even the walk back to the school which acted as our accomodation was a blast. Climbing a tree never seemed like a better idea and I even managed to snap a twig and create beautiful music with it against various surfaces along the way. I haven’t rattled a good picket fence since my childhood in the 1920’s. The school yard greeted us with Northern Lights. Or they might’ve been just alcohol hallucinations, who knows, but they were pretty to look at.

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Pirkka Hallamaa

had heard about it, but missed it last year. A few of the older students raved about it all year long, and when finally the Doodle came up, I had to jump to the opportunity. NMES or National Meeting for English Students is an event in which people come together to mingle, drink, and mingle some more. Vaasa was proud to host the festivities this year and it our 15-person expedition sent out to conquer, all in the name of Anglica.

The next morning was somewhat less energetic than the previous night which caused the sluggishness in us, but it did not dampen our mood. Breakfasts were eaten and beer opened. Now was time for the academic side of this little excursion! I personally enjoyed both of the lectures and can now resurrect the dead using discourse analysis.

Nap in the sun was really fun experience, too. Turku once again showed other cities what we’re made of! Gelatine, apparently, but damn it was a good nap.

After the lectures we were told the topics of the shows we were to give during the evening’s sitz party. You may not know, but Turku has for many years now blown all other cities out of the water with our off-the-cuff, ex tempore style of performing. This year’s topic was Dungeons & Dragons, a favourite manner of spending time should you have a neckbeard. None of that preparing nonsense for us! As other cities scrambled to find a solid place to prepare, Turku decided to go have lunch, buy some more beer and take a nap number two. We even had ample time to get ready for the sitz party.

The sitz itself made me both happy to be there and happy to know that sitz culture we are accustomed with is maybe somewhat superior to the chaotic manner which these sitz were conducted. Still, I had fun, sang, drank and mingled. My song book is filled with drawings and little notes by people sitting around me, which is in my opinion one of the most entertaining aspects of any sitz.

And as usual, Turku dominated the show competition!

Joensuu, Vaasa, Tampere, Helsinki and Oulu had all practised in vain, because our ripping (not to mention interactive) rendition of the Ducktales theme song was clearly the superior piece. With a foreword from our lovely Pirkka ”He Who Occupies the Chair” Hallamaa it lasted well over a minute and a half! When we exited the stage, I saw actual tears in the audience. Plus, many whispered that was quite something and who is this Pirkka guy?, which can only be a sign of a good performance.

The afterparty was held at Fontana, which is apparently the place in Vaasa. Upon entering I suddenly got cold sweat, like any Vietnam veteran gets while in the grasp of their PTSD. I have been here before! I remembered it now, the year was 2009, I was just a chubby boy back then. Vaasa had claimed me before, shall it do it again?

Well, after this point my memories become a bit fuzzy, but I did drag my carcass through the early morning back to the school and finally got to sleep at 6 AM. On the way back I listened to the early birds singing and even saw two fresh puddles of sick. That is what being a rock star is all about, what?

Morning number two was aptly named. They say that as you get older the hungovers get worse, but I had no idea just 24 hours would make such a dramatic difference. It took all my courage and strength to deter the Angel of Death from circling over me, same applying to various other members of our little group. My face was rat salad and my head felt like Baghdad. Eventually it was zero hour and we were exiled from the comfort of our sleeping bags into the painful sunshine outside. I can tell you, Jaffa never tastes as good as after an evening of debauchery.

The train ride back was considerably more restless than the one which took us to Vaasa. Poor jokes, lemonade and madness. I would not change this for anything. The platform at Seinäjoki looked like a mass murder with so many of us flat on our back. After Parkano I felt I might survive after all, and a cheese laden kebab later in Orikedon Taverna sealed the deal. That was also consumed in the presence of friends, which NMES is all about.

All in all, I had heaps and heaps fun, caused a little chaos, all that sort of rot. I will definitely be going next year, even though the fish-eyed abomination in the mirror at home wasn’t actually that arousing. You win some and lose some, eh?

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ANGLICA’S SECRETARIES IN DARING PHOTOS! AURIINA KAARENTO

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nglica’s secretaries were roaming around Signum the other day and they were completely out of control! Apparently the writing and editing of the minutes has finally taken its toll, and the secretaries needed to let loose a bit.

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The morning after SAKU HELLBOM

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nce again I wake up in my bed. As I slowly open my eyes I see the sun is shining outside my window. It’s the morning after a student party. On the corner of my eye I detect my blue overalls, being thrown on top of a chair, from when I stumbled home last night in a drunken haze. I roll over on my back, and stare at the ceiling. So this is what it’s like, huh? The life of a university student.

Six months ago I couldn’t see myself living the life of a university student. Sure, I had heard from several of my friends what it was like, but hearing about it is so much different from actually experiencing it.

I decide to carefully sit up. As my vision is a bit blurry I try to figure out if I’m hung-over or not. I focus my vision on my overalls, and take deep breaths. I try to recall the happenings of last night. I remember drinking, dancing and above all, laughing with my newfound friends. I had lots of fun. I suddenly remember the first day when I started studying here. The older students and tutors had welcomed us with open arms to Anglica.

They had prepared us for what it was like to study here.

Not once did I feel pushed away, and at all times I could ask them a question if I was unsure of something. Now, as a member of Anglica, I feel part of something great.

Something awesome.

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After a few moments pass, I come to the conclusion that I did drink enough water before going to bed, and managed to avoid a hangover. I stand up, and slouch to the kitchen. I’m starving. I make a couple of sandwiches, and put the coffeemaker on. I lean on my kitchen counter, and for a moment, I smile.

For so long, I had heard about my friends meeting new people at the university, or at a university of applied sciences. They had told me how special it was to find an awesome group, studying in the same field, and having similar interests. Having such a group was one of the biggest things that I had anticipated, when I had applied to study English. Now, I have several new friends to hang out with, to talk to, to party with, and to share the university experience with. I am thankful for that.

The coffeemaker is finished, and I grab the coffeepot.

Suddenly, a familiar sensation appears. I stop and put the coffee pot down. I know this feeling. It’s not a good feeling. It is like a presence I haven’t felt for a long time.

Oh crap, I was wrong all along. I hadn’t drunk enough water. I feel sick. I’m hung-over. The drinks of yesterday wish to escape. I rush to the bathroom.

I am a university student.

Living in America “I Pauliina Rautiainen

have done this before, I have lived abroad so I know how this goes.” This was my initial thought before my exchange semester in the United States. Four years ago I moved to Wales to work for a few months, and it was the first time I lived abroad. I had no expectations or ideas how that might change me. It was surprising that the short amount of time spent in an unfamiliar environment, in a different country, speaking a language that is not your mother tongue, and without your family and friend, can affect you in many ways. And now I was about to do it all over again.

I was scared before coming to America. I wondered if I would make any friends, or if I could survive in the big world alone. I already had my group of friends in Finland, and I didn’t know if I could form new relationships again with new people. It’s probably normal to worry about these things before moving to a new place. In hindsight, I could have worried less because I was very fortunate to find a wonderful group of people here, with whom I have gotten very close to. Of course you cannot form close relationships with every person you meet, and that’s alright too. Even though it has only been a little over two months now, I feel like I have made strong friendships here. I guess we rely on each other a lot more since we are all alone and far away from our homes. It is funny how you can find like-minded people that come from such a different backgrounds and from different countries. The sad part is, that after this experience, we probably won’t be seeing each other that much due to the distances between us, but I’m happy that I got to know these people.

I’m in my dorm sitting in my room writing this, and it feels weird to think about life in Finland, because you adjust to the environment you live in very quickly. It’s interesting how naturally it happens. This is my life at the moment, and it isn’t the same life I have back home. For example, here I share a room with another person, and back home I live by myself. I wouldn’t think that the environment you live in has such a strong impact in the way you act or even think, but staying in this culture and this particular place has made me learn a lot about myself. I always thought I’m that type of person who needs her privacy, but here I am, surrounded by people almost all the time, and I like it. I like having lunch and dinner every day with these people and I even like living in the dorm, even though I have to share the bathroom with a bunch of other people.

Being around people is one thing I will miss for sure. It has also made me think about some of the things I normally do in my life. It is so easy to get stuck in a certain way of living or seeing things. Stepping out of your normal life gives you perspective and you might see things in a new light. People sometimes see their way of living as the best possible way, and can’t see the good in the ways that differ from their own.

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I have to admit that I had some stereotypes about Americans and the American way of living before coming here. That was actually one of the reasons I chose to spend my semester in the United States. I wanted to experience it myself and challenge the stereotypes I had, such as Americans being overly friendly. What I have noticed is that people are very polite here, cars will actually stop and let you cross the street, people say “excuse me” when they pass you by, and they will hold the door open for you. People also smile to you, which is quite nice. Someone might consider that as fake, or putting on a show, but it is just the way people here socialize with each other. They might not mean everything they say, or they may act as if they are interested in what you are saying when they actually are not, but that is okay.

Another thing that is very different in America, compared to Finland, is the way you study. Here you have to do work every week, and you might have four exams for one course, when in Finland you might just have one exam at the end of semester. I personally can’t say which one I prefer, because they both have their positive sides. It has been interesting to see different methods of teaching and try out other ways of learning. One thing I do know though, is that I prefer the chairs and desks in Finland over the ones they have here. They are so tiny in America!

All in all, my semester in America has been great so far. I believe you get the most out of your stay abroad if you fully engage in the experience for the time you are staying there. You shouldn’t criticize the customs of

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other people but focus more on the positive things you encounter. A semester or working abroad is something that everyone should consider doing. It might seem scary and it can be so, but that is what makes you grow as a person. You learn that you can do it on your own, especially when you don’t have your usual networks and friends there with you. You also might learn something new about yourself and others, and that is always worth a while.

Can’t wait to see you all and can’t wait to participate a real Finnish student party!

Lots of love from Blacksburg Virginia, Pauliina Rautiainen

An Anglican’s Adventures in Asia PIPARIINA LEHTONEN Dear fellow Anglicans,

G

reetings from South Korea, the land of bright lights, technology, spicy food, and stunning mountain views.

As of the time I’m sitting here writing this, I’ve been here for over seven months and have about three months left.

It seems like time has gone by so fast but at the same time it feels like it’s been an eternity since I left the airspace of our oh-so-sweet homeland. Well, at least now that I’ve been here for so long I can safely say that I don’t feel like a tourist any longer and the metropolis of Seoul doesn’t seem like such a huge city now that I’ve had time to master the subway system.

Needless to say, right after arriving here I noticed that I wasn’t in Europe any longer – I was definitely in Asia: the all-too-familiar Roman alphabet had been replaced with its Korean equivalent known as Hangul and suddenly I was the only pale and blond person in sight and all the stares I got made me feel almost like a zoo animal (and sometimes I’m even treated as such, what with people taking ”secret” pictures of me and all, haha). However, those were just superficial examples and being here for more than half a year has allowed me to notice countless of other a bit more profound differences between my life in Finland and the life here.

One of the first of these differences that I came in contact with was the dorm life here. I share a small room with another exchange student and we have a long list of rules we have to follow. Some of the forbidden things include visiting a room of the opposite sex, cooking, walking around with “noisy slippers”, and entering the dorm between 1 and 5 am except for during exam periods.

From each of these forbidden acts, we are given a specific

amount of penalty points and once your points reach 20 you will be kicked out of the dorm. However, almost just like in the Harry Potter -series, we can do various things to reduce our penalty points: these redeeming acts include, for example, these equally easy feats such as shovelling snow and saving someone in a fire. So, if one feels like their penalty points are approaching the 20-point limit, all they need to do is start a fire and save someone.

The second notable difference that I’m going to mention is, of course, the food. My tolerance for spicy food has grown significantly while living here since it’s actually very difficult to find food that isn’t spicy. My absolute favourite food here is Samgyeopsal, also known as Korean BBQ, where you are given strips of pork belly which you cook yourself on your personal grill that’s built into your table, then combine the meat with special sauces and various side dishes inside a piece of lettuce, form it into a bundle of deliciousness and finally shove it in your mouth and you shall feel instant bliss.

Another difference well worth mentioning is Korean dating culture. Here couple holidays are by no means limited to just Valentine’s Day, but instead the 14th of every month is a different holiday that you celebrate with your significant other. To name a few, there’s Movie Day, Wine Day, Photo Day and even some days for singles such as Black Day, when all the lonely souls gather in restaurants to eat noodles with black bean paste, and Green Day, which is when all the couples head to relax in parks or go hiking while all the singles drown their loneliness with soju, which is a strong alcoholic beverage that happens to come in green bottles.

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Speaking of alcohol brings me to the next subject: the drinking culture. The important rule that I’ve learned back home of remembering to eat a lot before going drinking does not apply here: every bar here also serves food, which very often is delicious fried chicken, and you are expected to order at least one dish for your group of people. In other words, drinking always comes hand in hand with eating, which is actually pretty great.

Another thing that is great here is the price of alcohol: for example, one 500ml bottle of the aforementioned soju (which is about 20% alcohol), only costs about 70 cents from a convenience store, which means that it’s actually cheaper than bottled water. In addition, a fun way in which the student organizations here gather money is that they set up cheap pop-up bars all around the campus area, which would sadly never be possible back home.

All this talk of drinking makes me think of Finland and even though my time here in Seoul has been amazing so far I’m already kind of looking forward to returning in late June. A big part of the reason for this is that it has been far too long since I’ve last been to a sitz party and I can already feel the withdrawal symptoms. Anyhow, I wish you all have an incredible time during May Day celebrations and I can’t wait to see you all again next semester!

Sincerely, Pipariina Lehtonen

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Straight Outta YOLOhja I

Ville ”Da Two Towers” Heirola & Atte ”Return of da King” Makkonen t’s a common joke for people with small town backgrounds to berate their hometown, whether it be because of the apparent backwaterness or Dunwich-like atmosphere but the joking is mostly confined to towns that every Finn recognises. For example, places like Kittilä, Hanko or Alasalmi have distinctive personalities.

Kittilä has Levi, Hanko is a vibrant summer destination and Alasalmi isn’t even a town. Lohja just doesn’t seem to have anything going for it. Amidst the depressing concrete buildings lining Suurlohjankatu and bored teens shuffling through their Facebook feeds in the local Prisma, the retired baby boomers search for a purpose.

At first we were quite excited to tell something about our hometown, but we soon realised that there isn’t much to say about it. Although Lohja is a large town (ca. 47 000 inhabitants), and arguably the centre of western Uusimaa, there is absolutely nothing to set it apart from other towns other than its size. We mean, there is an old church and other things of historical value, but nothing that seizes your attention for more than a twenty minute museum tour. Everything Lohja has, other places have too.

Except Lönnrot’s childhood home, which is nowadays in Lohja simply because of a municipal merger. Not very impressive.

Many find Turku rather ugly. With its style reminiscient of Soviet architecture and worn-out looks it’s a reminder of home for us Lohjanites. The city feels like a natural environment since we are used to similar surroundings, excluding all of the funky stuff like the empire style buildings or the Aura river. Also, the biggest church around here is way cooler than the one in Lohja. All that in mind, it wasn’t that big of a culture shock to move to Turku. The only real change was the amount of people trying to cross the road with you and the abundance of Hesburgers everywhere. Also the fact that the Amazing Race never visited Turku. The show’s quick pit stop in an old limestone mine remains the most important event in Lohja’s public profile.

Despite all blandness, Lohja has found some popularity on the internet. The local rapper Pale Tone became a sort of a phenomenon for a while. He was even interviewed by an American radio host and his YouTube video Dreams got almost half a million views before its removal. We take no stance on the possibility of his fame being purely based on irony. Additionally, in the Finnish internet culture, Taistelu-Jaska (transl. ”Samurai Jack”), a badly re-dubbed He-Man cartoon from the 1980s, coined the classic phrase ”Mieluummin nyrkki perseessä kuin asua Lohjalla.” A rough translation would be ”Rather a fist up the bum than to live in Lohja.” This should be sufficient to describe the general attitude towards Lohja.

The video series is actually made by a guy from the neighboring town Nummela.

According to our serious and completely objective analysis, Lohja is famous in southern Finland only because of its size. It represents the countryside or ”pönde” in the minds of those who live in Helsinki or in its close vicinity. Lohja sort of sums up all of the nearby coutryside. After this, others in Uusimaa have taken up this mindset and now make fun of Lohja, although places like Vihti and Raasepori aren’t any better.

Coming up with things to say about our hometown proved to be really difficult, it’s hard even for a prolific writer to think of different ways of saying ”Well, it’s just kind of there.” What we are saying is that Lohja is not that special. It’s neither horrible or amazing or even delightfully quirky. It just simply exists.

We’d like to thank you, dear reader, for taking this (quite pointless) trip to a factory town stuck in the early 90s with us. We’d also like to thank our editor-in-chief for presenting us with this loaded gun of an assignment. It is now time to drink hundred beers and punch a cop car in the face.

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Prefect Day or: A Walk in da Rein (from Cohorts of Consumerism) PÄIVI T. TUA The sound on shining smoke fills the oral cavity hashtag deep, oh yeah, ravish me shine dissolves get on with it+it’s not that hard nononononononono there are sides to my existence which I do not even know yet I de-side on everything impale the earth with my name harken you to come and bow towards Bukit Keteri at the bottom of the world my jeans always rip what’s up with that no matter no music is playing and life reverberates and pussy (a cat) is running wild beer, that’s what’s for dinner and you no longer need to run from the voices! beer, that’s what’s 4 dinner I no longer believe in anything iron is oozing from your brains where does the line go? The voices won’t tell? bubblegum and coitus, could you ever need or even want anything else, huh? the most important thing is to be nonsensically good looking run around naked on a summer’s night stuff your mouth with anything can’t I do whatever I wish to do on summers hmmm, maybe I should spank a monkey or not...

Tullamore Dew, the procurator of my thoughts! you rat, well, no matter I have a fetish for reality, no nono while spending days looking for stones with which to give a distress signal descartes was wrong and no one is right gore is the solitary truth Welcume ta hell, is warm. On the other hand, aren’t we all going there, eventually? it won’t come, you are lying as always, but why? headline star date 666 commander’s log today nothing happened huh, yes it did, there was booze you git 30

look ma, no hands. Am I an adult now? or where does THAT line go? bassoon, I play it as I shall play with you a GFE in the spirit of fungtionalism helge hegle lehgl ledge baby im close to the edge I’m a boy who can’t be ignored I devour crap and read postcards you mean you oh yes I do hah, serves you right, you devil how do you know you’ve had enough?

I have solid tolerance Bottle is named 26, that was it. Vagina.

Fried Green Tomatoes all around me oh my sweet satan candlelight reflects the endless mind this is all dialogue, trilogue, quadlogue vogue in the stages of souls power to the guitar and tremendous vibrationer the venue is hopping and hammering and the venue of life is clear as crystal and without form notions to air notions to water notions to earth lotions to fire you fucking slutface try to manage there goes that blackguard and my study grant with it OLDFINNISHGODTHEKINGDOMOFLUCIFER Dagon be praised, Iä Iä Iä Cthulhu ftghan [sic] Let them be, this shall be my end and everything else’s as well, and . . . it is in vain to wait