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Contents Editorial Words from the Chair Observations from the First Year Bored of 2017? The Evolution of an Anglican Being Foreign Is Foreign to Me Anglica Reads! Everyone’s Favourite VILLAins Addressing the Cat King Anglican Art Review A New Face on the Campus The Memoirs of a Quiz Master Nausea and Disgust in Halleby Kaffila Scenarios Bienvenido al Paraíso! A Tale of Two Bands and One Special Night aNd it was a daMn fun mESs Our Love Becomes a Plagued Bill A Typical Anglican Day
Elina Keskitalo Joni Järvinen Sanna Valkama Kaisa Yli-Penttilä Pirkka Hallamaa Sam Contreras Siiri Kivekäs Collaboration Veera Jäntti-Rasanen Paul-Erik Niit Saara Lindberg Otto Tarkka Johannes Suoranta Katri Sohlman Marika Santavirta Teemu Helenius Elina Keskitalo Päivi T. Tua Lea Ikon Talkies
bacchanalia 1. (often capital) orgiastic rites associated with Bacchus 2. any drunken revelry Baccanalia Anglica ry. 2017 Printing: X-Copy Run: 90 Editor: Elina Keskitalo Layout: Elina Keskitalo Cover: Valtteri Kiviö Centerfold: Alisa Riikonen and Mikko Suhonen Photos: Anu Laurila, Elina Keskitalo, Veera Jäntti-Rasanen, Charlotte Laine, Alisa Riikonen, Sanna Valkama, Siiri Kivekäs, Marika Santavirta, Johannes Suoranta, Katri Sohlman, Sam Contreras Thanks to everyone who contributed to this project in every possible and impossible way, you are the reason we have a magazine. And thanks to the entire readership, you are our best inspiration!
Editorial Elina Keskitalo
Is it May Day already? I’ve come to understand that this is the customary proclamation at this juncture. I, on the other hand, can easily believe that the spring term of 2017 is over. Many a year has passed by in a wink, but this academic year has progressed at an alarmingly normal rate. Perhaps it’s because I have kept exceptionally busy this year. I was a tutor, started my first term in the board of Anglica, and am now editing my first Baccanalia, proving once and for all that sometimes the latest flowers blossom brightest. Or at least they are the annoying show-offs that are in full bloom when other, more sensible flowers, are preserving their strength for winter. But they are the ones that get the last laugh when the first frost comes. I’m certainly not the only one who has kept busy. We’ve had events big and small on a weekly basis, all welcome breaks to the tumultuousness of academia, although I’ve personally sometimes felt that if I relax more, my DNA will unwind. In many ways, this academic year has been an ongoing joint adventure, which gave us the theme for this year’s Baccanalia. Adventure. For some, autumn of 2016 meant the continuation of our journey together. To others, it was the start of an adventure of a lifetime, when the new freshmen joined our ranks. We got a brilliant bunch of new members, as always, and within these pages you’ll find one perspective from our freshman Sanna, and another from our exchange student Sam. Other adventures include the Anglica Band Night, whose revival was long awaited and which got the attention it deserved from Teemu, our music aficionado. You’ll also get to enjoy new traditions, tales of the brain-wracking quizzes held by Otto the Quizmaster, and mayhap some new questions to ponder while you enjoy tomorrow’s picnic. Pirkka, the venerable veteran, wrote about evolving old traditions into new ones, and a bunch of people shared their favourite Villa moments. Not all adventures need to happen in the here and now. Marika ventured away from us all, and Veera and Siiri ventured into fiction, both in their own ways. Some adventures are more concrete, and more… adventurous. This year, these include the culinary explorations of Johannes, and the odyssey that is the National Meeting of English Students by yours truly, from which we both are fortunate to come out alive, if not entirely unscathed.
Fortunately, with such a fabulous crowd of people, every day is an adventure. Kaffila, our basement oasis, has been a scene to many, which Katri has hilariously illustrated for us all. And speaking of the devil, even lectures can be quite illustrious, as our art critic Paul will tell you. Within these pages, you’ll also find hardhitting journalism by Kaisa and Saara, and the traditional words from the chair, from our esteemed leader Joni. And as ’pics or it didn’t happen’ is the slogan du jour, Alisa made art and loads of people took photos for this noble cause. Special thanks should also be awarded to our project person Valtteri for dealing with all the practicalities and the cover, to Mikko for making the super sexy center page, to Johannes for his help with the makeup, and to Toni and Sanna for being irreplaceable in keeping both me and this project together. Since Anglica is full of hugely talented people, my job as an editor has been mainly to hound people to donate a little bit of blood, sweat and tears to this publication. I can only thank everyone for their marvellous contribution in making a yet another brilliant Baccanalia, and to extend my thanks to all our readers, without whom our work would have been worthless. This magazine, like the entirety of Anglica, is a labour of love. This is a concrete result of people pulling together to create something memorable, something worth preserving. As May Day approaches, we will continue our adventure together, wherever it may take us. Today, I’ll drink to that. Onwards!
Words from the Chair Joni Järvinen
And so, another year has passed and Mayday is here again. This traditional celebration has become a big event for students. It’s the time of being proud of who we are. One of the most demanding tasks people can undertake is bettering themselves. That is exactly what students are doing. It’s not easy, so I wanted to offer some encouraging words. When sitting in Kaffila, drinking awful coffee if I made it, I often hear people discussing the insecurities they have about the future. You get a sense that we are afraid of failure. We are expected to be very efficient. If we don’t pass a course or get a great grade, there’s a chance we feel inept and insufficient in our skills. Then it is easy to start questioning everything: our choice of education, our studying skills, our motivation, our future. One thing I have tried to teach myself is to not be afraid of failure. Yes, you might not always achieve what you wished for and feel those horrible feelings you wanted to avoid. But you will not be able to achieve ever if you do not try. We all make mistakes, and we should not be judged because of that. Sometimes we make the coffee too strong. It’s our ability to learn from those mistakes that defines us. It’s our willingness to better ourselves that helps us grow as people. Don’t take failure as evidence of your own inabilities, but see it as a learning opportunity. Trying and then sometimes falling on your butt is part of being human. The difficulties and struggles that you face now will be a learning experience for the future. I think Anglica embodies that philosophy beautifully. This organization has faced challenges and it has kept evolving to serve its members better, which is why Anglica is so vibrant even after 59 years. Respect, open-mindedness and friendships are what make this organization feel like home for so many
people. Anglica is its members, and its sole purpose is to be there for you. We can have fun together and support each other while heading towards the future with an Anglican attitude. To echo what I said in my toast at Anglica’s birthday celebration: Don’t be afraid of the future. Yes, the unknown can be intimidating, but it can also offer many great things. You simply cannot write a script for your life. My advice to you is to hold your head high and keep moving forward. I look forward to another year together with you!
Observations from the First Year Sanna Valkama
What a wonderful sight. It is paramount that we keep calm while we watch this stunning scene unfold. In front of us, we see a large herd of gazelles take their first steps on the savannah. Vultures might circle above those of a more respectable age, but worry not. The overall mood is filled with youthful trepidation mixed with curiosity. How could we expect anything less from these creatures? Their steps are careful and calculated as they amble deeper into the savannah, taking in their new surroundings. But alas! The careful first foray is cut short as the herd comes upon a river. Which one of them is brave enough to take the first, refreshing sip? A few moments pass before one courageous individual takes a step, and oh... Successfully the inexperienced gazelle manages to slip from between the teeth of the first predator, a recurring deadline, er, I mean crocodile. You got me, we aren’t looking at gazelles. There isn’t even a small iguana running away from an excess of snakes, that absolute fucking legend. We are looking at my kin, my comrades, the freshmen of 2016. In truth, the whole analogy doesn’t even fit this colourful lot of people – on our first day we might have set off like a rampaging horde of frightened prey animals had someone suddenly clapped, yes, but ultimately, we are the furthest thing from gazelles. That is, we are decidedly less hairy and hopefully less horny. During my first year, I have gazed upon these people as if watching a nature documentary, but I mean that in the nicest possible way. Some possess behaviours and use words that are so foreign to me that it feels like I need a calm, posh British voice to explain it further. Unfortunately, they don’t sell pocket-sized presenters at every corner store. I chalk up my lack of knowledge to the fact that I’m growing older, not that I’ve lived in a bucket under a bridge.
It’s just that never have I set my eyes upon a group so varied and interesting. There isn’t a week where I don’t stop and think about the amount of talent and drive I see in my fellow freshmen. Whenever I have a hankering for company or conversation, I am not left wanting. The quality of the discussions might vary drastically, but at the end of the day it feels like we might have changed the world. Or at least figured out that hippos are natural-born serial killers. We all have our opinions, some stronger than others, but there is a common thread/threat that keeps us together and forms this close-knit group that I do not want to part from. For one of the many of us freshmen who has moved into a whole new city, this has been an incredible adventure. I might not have had to sign a long contract that entitles me to a sliver of a large treasure to give me this chance, if anything I think I’ve signed a few contracts that enforce the opposite. Everything in my life has changed in such a short time, but even amid this whirlwind of a year I’ve found a place that I can call home. The people around me have made it my home. How can I even really describe this year and the impact it has had on my life, when it isn’t over yet? Freshman year might soon be over but my path ahead is not. It might not be as straightforward as I hope but I’m filled with courage knowing that my journey is shared by my herd, and those that have been in the same situation before me. Wait, maybe there is one word that sums up my freshman year. Extraordinary.
Bored of 2017? Kaisa Yli-Penttilä
Well.. Maybe not bored, but one might argue if 2017 is looking any better than the infamous 2016. There was one election that didn’t go to shits though. Or did it? Now you have a chance to find out for yourself, here are the people you voted to be in charge of the faith of this world in these times of doom and despair. And parties and beer. And singing and good times. They’re a hoot, check ’em out!
CHAIR State your full name and where you’re from, please - Joni Järvinen from the land of Turku (author’s note: we do not believe this.) What’s your favourite thing about the board of Anglica? - The way we all look at each other with lust and mutual understanding What is the coolest thing about “the kid you”? - I can be in a serious meeting but the kid in me might still wonder what would happen if I suddenly farted just a little bit. Describe your perception of what does the fox say. - “I’m foxy and you know it.” What’s your favourite place in Turku to go and relax? Describe what you are doing there. - Home. Honestly. Just being at home and watching a video of cat being scared by a cucumber. That is happiness. What’s your ultimate pet peeve? - When someone turns the lights off and I’m still inside the room. Dude, that is like so rude.
VICE CHAIR State your full name and where you’re from, please - Saara Katariina Lindberg, Turku/Littoinen. What’s your favourite thing about the board of Anglica? - That it is a mixture of people who are different, but still are able to work together to achieve a common goal. It’s great. Also, Anglica is the best student organization there is, so the board is the best one too! If you could’ve been there to witness any event in the past, present or the future, what would it have been and why? - A Beatles concert. Well because... come on! What’s your ultimate pet peeve? - When people walk really slowly on narrow pavements, corridors or supermarket aisles. And pop-up ads. Pick three fictional characters that best describe you as a person. - Ron Weasley, Gretchen from Mean Girls and Moominmamma. What is a skill you would most like to learn? - To do that cool whistle, you know with two fingers in the mouth.
TREASURER State your full name and where you’re from, please - Paul-Erik Niit. Turku. Or Sauvo before that. Or Estonia. What’s your favourite thing about the board of Anglica? - Definitely the amazing team spirit, and the serious-but-not-tooserious way of doing things. What’s your ultimate pet peeve? - When people stand up and/or start packing their stuff before the lecturer has finished talking. Pick three fictional characters that best describe you as a person - Dr. House, Forrest Gump and Trollface (If it counts as a character) What do you want your tombstone to say? - Respawning in 10...9...8... What is a skill you would most like to learn? - I’d like to learn to play the saxophone. Knowing Careless Whisper and the Epic Sax Guy song would already go a long way. INFORMATION State your full name and where you’re from, please - Risto-Ilmari Koponen, from the mean streets of Kotka Describe your perception of what does the fox say. - The fox is a clever and mischievous little creature, and is always trying to lead people to the dark path, so maybe something like: Let’s go get one beer. Which leads to extreme hangover next morning. If you could’ve been there to witness any event in the past, present or the future, what would it have been and why? - I want to be there when we leave this solar system behind in the search of new greener pastures. Because I love sci-fi, and exploration of space would be fucking cool. Pick three fictional characters that best describe you as a person. - Bilbo Baggins, the Great and Powerful Turtle, Tyrion Lannister. What is a skill you would most like to learn? - I’d love to be able to draw or at least be somehow artistic. EDUCATIONAL, SOCIAL & ENVIRONMENTAL State your full name and where you’re from, please - Charlotte Laine, I’m from our beloved Turku. What is your favourite thing about “the kid you”? - Definitely carefreeness. The kid me was such as much a ‘calendar full –person’, yet did not have a care in the world, but viewed life through an admirably naïve lens. Describe your perception of what does the fox say. - I believe they’re mute. That’s the only explanation for their alleged slyness; they don’t gossip. Ever. If you could’ve been there to witness any event in the past, present or the future, what would it have been and why? - I would’ve loved to witness the Mayans creating their empire, I mean how on earth did they build all that with the equipment available back in the day? Pick three fictional characters that best describe you as a person. - Pippilotta Longstocking, Veronica Mars and Dora the Explorer. Strong, independent women and all.
PROJECTS State your full name and where you’re from, please - Valtteri Kiviö, Turku (if anyone has a problem with this, please refer to Rookie Guide 2016 page 6) What’s your favourite place in Turku to go and relax? Describe what you are doing there. - I don’t know if I have any one place that’s my absolute favorite, I love Turku in general. But I do like for example the fields in Halinen, where I can go take walks and just stand around contemplating life (and look suspicious) Pick three fictional characters that best describe you as a person. - Pingu, Hermione Granger (even though she’s not Ravenclaw like me!) and Alice from the American McGee’s Alice and Alice: Madness Returns -video games. (these probably don’t resemble me at all, but hey a boy can dream) What is a skill you would most like to learn? - I would like to find the will and courage to do all the things I want and dream of. I don’t know if that’s a skill, but it’s going to be my answer anyway.
SECRETARY State your full name and where you're from, please - Rasmus Nordman, Ekenäs. What's your favourite thing about the board of Anglica? - Judicious, a word that describes our board. Omniscient, from member to chair. Nurturing, we care for our Anglican horde. Inspirational, with a wee bit of flair. Describe your perception of what does the fox say. - As we all learned in Teemu's tremendously informative pub quiz last year the fox is capable of barking, growling, howling, yelping, whining and gekkering. What's your favourite place in Turku to go and relax? Describe what you are doing there. - Our bed. I snuggle. Pick three fictional characters that best describe you as a person - Sheldon Cooper, not Frodo, and that lad played by Jesse Eisenberg in Adventureland. What do you want your tombstone to say? - He was right. You're supposed to put the jam on the dough before you fold it.
PARTY AND CULTURE State your full name and where you’re from, please - Katri Elisabeth (I wish that this is somehow connected with the Queen of England…) Sohlman and I’m from Vihti (I wish I had no connections with the King of Vihti…) If you could’ve been there to witness any event in the past, present or the future, what would it have been and why? - I don’t know why but the first thing that came to my mind was my own birth and I’m pretty sure I don’t want to pay for the therapy after seeing that one. What’s your ultimate pet peeve? - People who are in general in the way: standing in my way, walking slowly in front of me or sometimes just existing is enough. Pick three fictional characters that best describe you as a person. - I’m the healthy combination of Tigger’s excitement, Piglet’s anxiety, and Rabbit’s butthurtness. Luckily all my friends are healthy combinations of Pooh, Owl and Kanga. What do you want your tombstone to say? - I was on fire on the 9th of March, 2016.
PARTY AND CULTURE State your full name and where you’re from, please - Otto Henrik Ilmari Tarkka, Helsinki What is your favourite thing about “the kid you”? - I was terrible at football but to the dismay of my friends, I would still play during breaks between classes. If you could’ve been there to witness any event in the past, present or the future, what would it have been and why? - The Battle of Hastings in 1066 just to impress Janne Skaffari. Pick three fictional characters that best describe you as a person. - Snufkin, The Grinch and Otto (from the Simpsons) What is a skill you would most like to learn? - Mongolian throat singing Do you believe in life after love? - What is love? Baby don’t hurt me.
MEMBER, ENVIRONMENTAL State your full name and where you’re from, please - My name is Inigo Montoya… no, wait, sorry. Elina Keskitalo. I’m half from a small town near Turku and half from a small town near Kuopio. If you could’ve been there to witness any event in the past, present or the future, what would it have been and why? - If all goes well, I will be alive to witness the next flyby of Halley’s Comet, so I won’t pick that. I would love to have seen the look on Sally Ride’s face, when NASA engineers asked her whether 100 tampons would be enough for a seven day space mission. What’s your favourite place in Turku to go and relax? Describe what you are doing there. - There are many natural locations I keep revisiting, Ruissalo, different places along the river, forests near and far. I walk, sit down and enjoy the silence, drink coffee and capture Pokémon. I love the big old cemetery as well. The inhabitants are so peaceful. What do you want your tombstone to say? - ”Loved by women, feared by fish.” Do you believe in life after love? - I’m not even sure I believe in life after lunch. MEMBER State your full name and where you’re from, please - Niko Sirén. Straight outta Ypäjä, Tavastia Proper. What’s your favourite thing about the board of Anglica? - To get to be involved in providing good things for English students in Turku. I like it’s mission to preserve and develop student culture for its members. Pick three fictional characters that best describe you as a person. - Depends on the day. Willy Wonka, Batman’s Joker, Cat in the Hat. What’s your ultimate pet peeve? - Wet socks If you could only keep five possessions you currently own, what would they be? - A phone, a set of clothes, a multitool, an apartment, a car. What do you want your tombstone to say? - What a difference a little difference would make. What is a skill you would most like to learn? - To learn to play a guitar. But first I should learn the perseverance the learning requires. VICE MEMBER State your full name and where you’re from, please - Taru Savolainen, Siberia (well, Virolahti to be exact) What is your favourite thing about “the kid you”? - I had an amazing dress sense even back then. Pick three fictional characters that best describe you as a person - Sebastian from Disney’s Little Mermaid, Phryne Fisher and Doris Collins If you could only keep five possessions you currently own, what would they be? - My electric mixer, set of coffee cups made in the USSR, a tapestry that I inherited, a gummy bear mould and a vintage LBD from the 60s What is a skill you would most like to learn? - It would be nice to know how to make cheese Do you believe in life after love? - Is there love after life?
The Evolution of an Anglican Pirkka Hallamaa
Being an Anglican for quite some years Having experienced joy, excitement and tears I had started to ponder one particular question And over the days it became an obsession How during these years our minds have evolved It was an interesting puzzle that had to be solved So I sat down at my computer, and sent out some mails And asked many among you about your successes and fails From the freshmen who were still a bit green behind ears About their experiences, hopes, sitz stories and fears To the oldest and wisest, the experienced Anglican bunch Who already knew to skip the 11:45 Assari lunch The findings were plentiful, the responses were great (Although some of ‘em came a week or two late Unsurprisingly, the respect for deadlines was stronger With the younger students, and the responses were longer Perhaps they still lack the skill to condense their replies Or they took this more seriously, to no one’s surprise) The events that the Anglicans mostly enjoy Seem to change a lot during the years, oh boy! The pilts still love a good night of dancing in club Lyn The oldies want to hang out in sweaters drinking Gin There was an event that everyone thought was a hit It was naturally the weekend Villa, that shit is lit!
When enquired about the future and what it will bring The results pointed out quite an extraordinary thing The younger students seemed to had a much clearer view Of what they’ll become when they join the working class crew It seems that the longer you spend time on the University hill The less sure you are about your upcoming work life treadmill Though some praised the lectures, studies and the professors Assari, Proffan Kellari, Puhakka or the Hämeenkatu hairdressers The English students of all ages had one thing they praised And I can wholeheartedly say that I wasn’t a bit fazed To know that the most important thing wasn’t the studies It was the people around them, their University buddies! So even though the years will bring you both good times and bad Remember, there’s always some amazing experiences to be had With the Anglicans around you, both the young and the old So go out and do stuff with them, be courageous and bold!
Being Foreign Is Foreign to Me Sam Contreras
A year ago, I could never have imagined that I would be studying outside of the United States. I had dreamed of such a thing, sure, but my expectations were pretty different in comparison to reality. The truth of the matter is that studying abroad has been glorified, and an idyllic, stereotypical experience is what prospective students are being fed. The advertisements act as though all you need is a passport, an acceptance letter from a foreign university, and anything you can fit in a suitcase. They make a point not to talk about the massive amounts of paperwork, the program costs and related fees, and things like culture shock. Now, my subjective experience with
traveling is limited enough that I fell for the hype and was in for quite the wake-up call when I began the application process. Because of this, it was my initial understanding that I would fill out a simple application, obtain a passport, and be on my way. However, I spent months rigorously working to obtain and complete the necessary documents before finally being able to say that I would be traveling abroad.
At the start of this all, I pictured myself on the warm, sandy beaches of New Zealand or traversing the hills and castles of Ireland. I thought that I would be taking part in endless adventures and excursions with friends wherein I would be traveling to new and exciting places all the time. but rather that these things are not as prominent as once imagined. Something often forgotten by students going abroad, myself included, is that they remain students even at their host university, meaning that there is still an Eventually, my imaginary version of studying abroad became less of something purposed for academic development and turned into more of an elaborate vacation. This is not to say that my experience thus far has been lacking in any way, obligation to attend classes, study, do homework, and take exams. Turku was not my first choice as far as universities go, but Finland held promises that other locations didn’t, primarily familiarity. Finland’s geographic location causes the weather to be fairly similar to that of Wisconsin for a good portion of the year, which is the weather that I’m used to. Next, the university’s atmosphere is reminiscent of my home university’s in that most of the class sizes are pretty small and the university buildings are in close proximity to one another. But on top of that, I had connections. I had friends in Turku, one of whom studied at my home university, so I had a valuable resource to help me integrate as seamlessly as possible into life as a Finnish student. For that much alone, I count myself as incredibly lucky. Since I rarely have the occasion to travel, I’m not used to being a foreigner, and studying abroad thrust me violently out of my element despite the similarities to my usual circumstances. There was a period where I was in denial about the whole ordeal and the idea of living in another country hadn’t really hit me. I’d like to think of this as the fantasy period, where your expectations haven’t yet met with reality. However, almost as soon as I arrived in Helsinki, I lost all sense of comfort, stability, and control. I was no longer in the same time zone nor was I in a place where I spoke the native language or was even somewhat familiar with it. What I once considered easy was now tedious and required extra planning. I even had to account for extra travel time on the off chance I got lost while going somewhere.
What bothered me wasn’t the fear of getting lost or needing to ask for help; what bothered me was the idea that I may need to ask for help during a task as seemingly simple as going to the grocery store and paying for my items. It’s sort of like taking a test that you studied for and as soon as you get the paper you can’t recall any of the answers. You feel like you should know exactly what you’re doing, but you feel uncertain and hesitant instead. There’s an air of frustration that comes with this because you find yourself asking a lot of questions about everyday occurrences that you feel you should have the answers to, but you don’t. One of the more jarring realizations I came to was that I was essentially living the life I was able to pack into a couple of small suitcases. Having my belongings in a room that I signed a lease for didn’t make my new apartment feel like a home, even a temporary one. I felt extremely out of place and disoriented, and this was a feeling that lingered uncomfortably for quite a while. I thought I was prepared to deal with the subsequent loneliness since I had brought a number of books and small games to occupy my free time, but I had grossly underestimated just how isolated I would feel. The time zone difference prevented me from keeping regular contact with my friends from home, and the distance alone was enough to make me feel disconnected from them. This, coupled with the fact that it took me a while to start making friends among my Turku peers, meant that I was spending an unusual amount of time on my own. At some point, I stopped knowing what to do with myself and resorted to killing time any way that I could. In hindsight, what I experienced can easily be categorized as culture shock. However, this in no way diminished my vivid excitement and sense of curiosity regarding the things that I was experiencing. The novelty of everything was both exhilarating and terrifying. Though studying abroad is definitely not
without its physical and psychological challenges, I have learned a lot about myself and my abilities over the course of my time in Finland. This has been more of a journey of self discovery than I originally bargained for, which in no way is a bad thing. The initial sense of wonder and bewilderment towards the things around me has not faded, but instead grown into a deep appreciation. I started to find my niche when I started to mingle with my classmates and regularly attend volleyball. I was able to showcase my identity as a student and an athlete, and I no longer felt the need to identify myself as someone who was merely an exchange student. It was like I was making a home out of a place that didn’t quite feel like anything other than my place of residence simply by being the same person I was at home. I was beginning to see familiar people in familiar places and interact with them in familiar ways, which helped me build some semblance of a routine in my day-to-day life that I was comfortable with. It was nice to feel like an average civilian again, even though there’s something semi-exotic about identifying as a foreigner. There are a lot of pressures revolving around having the optimal study abroad experience. At some point, it started to feel like I wasn’t doing enough, like I wasn’t utilizing my time wisely in order to maximize my experience. It didn’t take me long to figure out that your study abroad experience isn’t measured by the number of places you went or the incredible things that you did but rather the moments that were meaningful to you along the way. My moments became less about photographing everything and collecting souvenirs, especially because their purpose isn’t to allow for others to live vicariously through me, and more about experiencing places and committing sights to memory. Most importantly, I made a point to find something beautiful and extraordinary in every day.
Instead of lamenting that it wasn’t feasible for me to drop all of my responsibilities and spend all of my time traveling in and between countries, I’m going to cherish the experiences I’ve had. I have had the opportunity to be educated in one of the most prestigious academic systems in the entire world; I get to experience unique traditions and be fully immersed in Finnish student culture; and I will be able to say that I’ve survived Finnish winters, endured Finnish rains, and enjoyed a mild Finnish spring. Sure, not every day is new and exciting, but the point is that it never had to be. This is still an entirely new experience for me and I will leave it as a significantly different person than when I arrived. I have been given the opportunity to learn and grow as a person, and in the end that’s all that really matters.
Anglica Reads! Siiri Kivekäs
After couple of semesters of inactiveness, Anglica Reading Circle (ARC) made a small comeback this spring! ARC was founded autumn of 2014 after a lot of talk how awesome it would be to have Anglica’s very own book club. There are plenty of big readers among us but in between the studies taking up a classic of English literature seems easily like too much work. However, the satisfaction after tackling one, and getting to share your thoughts along with a big glass of wine – that’s what ARC is all about. This spring we voted among many fine books such as Virginia Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway or the great campus novel Stoner written by John Williams. These books still need to wait for their turn though because this time we chose to conquer Sylvia Plath’s tragic novel Bell Jar. Two and half hours passed in a blink of an eye with good conversation and some wine. In Bell Jar, the protagonist Esther Greenwood descents into depression. In many ways, the novel
was very modern and her feelings of inadequacy in front of the world full of possibilities echo most likely in many modern day students. Also Esther’s thoughts on marriage and society’s roles for women and men shake the late 1950’s American world she lives in. Bell Jar is a metaphor for both aspects: Esther feels trapped in her own head but as well the bell jar works as a symbol for society at large with its skewed conventions and expectations. Now WANTED: someone to keep this lovely almost-tradition of ARC alive! The job is very easy: you’ll be the admin of our Facebook group (go join it if you already haven’t!) and all you need to do is a poll on which book to read and when to meet up. Even if you’re such a dope that you forget to bring your ID on a day you need to buy wine there is usually a kind soul (thank you Nelli!) to save you from this pickle. It would warm my heart if the tradition of ARC would continue while I, yours truly, explore the Scottish highlands.
Everyone’s favourite VILLAins Or what happens in Ruissalo should never just stay in Ruissalo
If the academic year is an hourglass, then Villa is the narrow opening between the bulbs where everything comes together in sharp focus. Ironically, afterwards everything tends to be a bit of a blur, but the event itself is legendary for a reason. Various members of Anglica, old and new veterans of Villa, were asked to share their most unforgettable moments of the weekend camp. ”My favourite Villa memory? Tough question. There are many to choose from and I’m sure the best is yet to come. I could pick one of the sauna marathons: singing sitz songs and trying to come up with new lines for She’s a Lady in Red. I could go for celebrating our second consecutive Villampics victory with Paul (three-peat this year, just saying). I could choose watching Liverpool beat Swansea on a laggy stream and celebrating James Milner’s winner in Pirkka’s arms. I could select Saara convincing me to apply to the board in the early hours. I guess I’ll opt for sitting alone on the dock on the morning of the second day last year and performing my pre-match routine of listening to a few songs while visualising a Liverpool victory. The sun was shining and a light breeze made me shiver. I remember being very much at peace and thinking to myself: “This is where I belong. Right here. Right now.” - Rasmus Nordman ”2014. Me, then a second-year Anglican, eagerly waiting for the extravaganza that the Villa weekend is. Little did I know, in a few hours I’d experience something that would be one of the most uncomfortable, but also memorable, moments of my life so far. Now this wasn’t something we came up with on the spot, oh no. We had been discussing this since year one, when everyone realized that I was not a lost tween but, in fact, a student like everyone else (only a few centimetres shorter than the average female Finn), and that one of us had a rucksack. It was then decided. I would be fitted into said sack. Unfortunately, my first time in Villa ended prematurely due to excessive nosebleed, so the plan had to wait until the next year. There I was, minding my own business, having fun, playing drinking games, when someone (most likely myself) realized that the opportunity we’ve been waiting for for over a year was finally here! It took about 5 minutes and 3 people, and I was in the bag being carried around the house, while random people shook my lone hand poking through the zipper. I could hear surrounding gasps and laughter, but on every step, I felt more and more like an elderly man:
lost, confused and achy in the joints. After a few moments, I was freed from my boiling hot cell, and the evening continued as it had before. I would not recommend climbing into a rucksack for anyone, but I also wouldn’t trade this memory for anything.” - An adventurer who chose to remain anonymous
”Even though Villa is a wonderful time to foster group spirit, my fondest memories of Villa are actually conversations that were had one on one or in small groups. Wandering around the area, often barefoot despite the biting autumn air, you can run into pretty much anyone pretty much everywhere. The cover of late night darkness incites poignant conversations, casual chats, and hysterical laughs. When it’s dark enough, you sometimes end up talking to someone you don’t even recognise. Or you might purposefully haul someone to the small pier to look at the stars, maybe getting to show an adult person the Milky Way for the first time. Or laugh until your entire body hurts, just due to the fact that in some Finnish dialects, ’ashtray’ is an odd word.” - Elina Keskitalo
“Some of us may have some sort of a tradition when going on a trip to Villa. It might be that you play a specific board game, go to sauna, or grill some food. For me, it’s getting injured some way during my stay there. Mind you, I don’t TRY to get injured on purpose, but it’s something that has happened to me every single time I’ve been to Villa. On my first year, I managed to slip on the stairs of the sauna’s porch, and fell on my ass. Believe me when I say the size of the bruise was as big as my hand. On my second time in Villa, I got small bruises and cuts SOMEHOW, and on my third time I hit my toe on the base of the sauna stove, and as I was washing myself, I remember looking down and going “Huh, was that puddle of blood always there?” Regardless if alcohol is involved or not, I manage to get injured. Considering that accidents do happen to everybody, I’m not the only one injuring myself during my stay in Villa. For me though, it is something to be expected, and something to find humor in. If I would give you some pro tips on how to survive Villa, I would say that 1: the wooden boards and stairs in sauna and the docks are slippery 2: Be careful while using woolen socks in the main house, since the floors could be slippery with them 3: NEVER go swimming alone, and finally 4: Don’t be an accident-prone dumbass like me.” - Saku Hellbom ”I love playing the Never have I ever - drinking game in Villa! That being said, never have I ever driven my own car home from Villa. Luckily my fellow Anglicans have been more responsible than me, so my car and I have always made it home. Maybe next time I will be the one behind the wheel on Friday and Sunday.” - Marika Santavirta
“It’s the second day of Anglica’s traditional trip to Villa. The first evening, night and some of this morning of rejoicing and merrymaking are behind us. Understandably the mood has descended somewhat from the night before: now most of the people seem to be more concerned with hydration and deep breathing than playing beer pong and socialising. The upstairs area, where most of us were sleeping, seems to be completely devoid of air, and the smell of sweat and other body odours punches me in the face and steals my lunch money. At this point it would seem like a fantastic idea to go outside and get some air. I finish my breakfast, grab my guitar and walk with my friends to the pier, where our traditional jam sessions in Villa take place. Fresh air is definitely what I needed. The self-inflicted sickness seems to vanish as I’m able to breathe once again and as the surprisingly warm beams of the autumn sun caress my skin. Apart from our quiet conversation and the water gently rippling around us, the pier is completely silent. After having enjoyed the
silence for a few moments, we decide to start playing. Vilma has brought her steel string guitar, which sounds brilliant by itself and creates a lovely contrast with the softness of my nylon-stringer. Together and in turns we perform quite a large variety of songs: from beautiful folk songs to Tenacious D, from Disney songs to Eppu Normaali. Occasionally others join us by singing along, some more and some less. Regardless, everyone seems to be having an absolute blast. Once again, the pier jam has been successful in invigorating our chaos ridden bodies. Our spirits are high (in more than one sense) as we head towards another traditional event in Villa, the Villampics. Today is going to be a good day. PS. If any of you readers should wish to join our pier jam in the next Villa trip, you are more than welcome to do so! You can come play and sing along with us, or just listen and enjoy the soothing atmosphere. Don’t be shy, we won’t bite! - Toni Kerttula
Addressing the Cat King Veera Jäntti-Rasanen
Lady Lucifer Purrfection Avenue 9 Pawsville United Catdom
January 25, 2017
King Carbonel Clawsome Palace St. Catterton United Catdom
Your Majesty, Allow me to begin with congratulations on the tranquil start of Your Majesty’s reign. I know how hard it must have been after the tragic and sudden death of your father and the subsequent imprisonment Your Majesty suffered at the hands of that heinous witch. I and all of Your Majesty’s other subjects are extremely relieved now that the Usurper has been vanquished for all eternity and peace shall flourish once again. And it is now with a heavy heart that I must bother Your Majesty with a complaint. The grievance is against my human caretaker. She has not been performing her duties within acceptable parameters. There has been a noticeable decline in her performance for a few months now: frequency of play sessions is down by almost 50 percent, she has been absent from the Home regularly and for hours at a time without an acceptable compensation for time lost from petting me. Furthermore, in the Great Move the number of scratching posts has dropped alarmingly. I am hoping that Your Majesty could send the agents to verify my situation and put forth a motion to criminalize such blatant disregard for the wellbeing of felines. If the situation is not solved with haste, other caretakers might start to imitate her behaviour and that would be most unfortunate for all of us. Eagerly awaiting Your Majesty’s response, Lady Lucifer la Katti de Cleopatra
Anglican Art Review Paul-Erik Niit
This article exhibits some of the finest works of art submitted to us by the immensely talented members of Anglica. Each artwork is presented and reviewed by a renowned art critic Paul-Erik Niit, whose strengths, in his own words, lie in various forms of art, such as mathematics and football.
Portrayed in this masterpiece is Lindsay from MTV’s newest reality TV show “16 and Obsessed With 17th Century Clothing”. While admiring this outstanding illustration, it is almost possible to hear the girl’s delightful, high-pitched voice with a slight nasal tone in one’s head.
On first thought it might seem that what is implied here is the sensation of starvation, but a more trained eye will notice that the artist has in fact expressed their hunger for knowledge. What’s stunning about this piece is the attention to detail, as the carefully constructed composition of letters screams passion for English prepositions.
This is obviously a portrait of the creator of literary Internet-Finnish Mageal Agrigola, and it represents Finnish art at its finest. As an exquisite finishing touch, the artist has opted to include a genuine sample of the language Agrigola constructed. Elegantly, the artist has also acknowledged the fact that Agrigola was the first to introduce the triple-D emoticon, which is a distinctive characteristic of Finns online today.
Illustrated here are surrealistic creatures that once were fish, but have since developed human-like qualities. The theme of the piece is a contemporary classic: nature attempting to adapt to the world of man. If you were a fish and slowly turning into a human being was your only chance to survive, would you first keep your tail and take the upper body of a human being, or would you instead keep your head and develop a pair of legs with fabulous calves? This is undoubtedly the question the artist here has pondered.
The brave soul here has felt the need of expression during an exam. What’s unique about MFW-illustrations like this one is that the artist’s surrealistic self-portrait reveals a great deal about the situation that the piece was created in. For example, to evaluate the artist’s effort in the exam, one can rely on an old English proverb: “The longer the nose, the poorer the prose.”
Displayed here is a truly rare gem, namely the first draft of the best-selling Christmas gift of 2016, Giraffridge, which is a product that not only stores your groceries, but also guards them. Beautiful, practical and a piece of art even on paper, the Giraffridge is an essential element of interior design for those of us who choose to settle with nothing but perfection.
The style of the man portrayed in this piece represents socalled absolute fashion. The uppercut hair, the reverse Hitler moustache and the asymmetrical eyeglasses all echo the latest trends. Essential to absolute fashion is a cool and unimpressed facial appearance, which is clearly present in the illustration. The artist has sublimely acknowledged this to the extent that even the man’s mouth has the same expression as his whole face.
As we all know, venturing into the world of English phonetics often makes one feel hesitant and self-conscious. The artist here, after being exposed to palatoalveolar affricates, has begun doubting their ability to use capital letters correctly. The explicit demonstration of the artist’s train of thought is what makes this piece an instant classic.
Thanks to the artists Vanessa Michelsson, Alisa Riikonen, Johannes Suoranta, Vehka Liimatainen and Miisa Parrila for their brilliant contributions.
Answers: 1: a, 2: they absorb carbon dioxide, 3: The diameter of the cockade is different. For Finnish-speakers it’s 16mm and for Swedish-speakers it’s 22mm, 4: three times, 5: c
A New Face on the Campus Saara Lindberg
So first of all hello Maarit, and thank you for agreeing to give us this interview. Where are you from and how did you end up here at the university of Turku? Originally I’m from Vantaa although at this point I’ve lived in Helsinki more than in Vantaa. And how did I end up here? Well obviously by finding an announcement for an open lectureship, and then applying and having the good luck to be selected for the position. So what were you doing before you came here? Well right before I came here I was working for the University of Helsinki. I did my PhD there and I had my thesis defense in March 2016, so from 2010 to 2016 I was a PhD student at the university of Helsinki. In addition to being a PhD student I also had other jobs; a coordinator for a project and I was also a visiting lecturer in the university of Eastern Finland in Joensuu at one point. Right before coming here I was working as a project coordinator at the university of Helsinki. And if you want to go further than that, I worked as a professional translator for several years Standardisoimisliitto). I translated various types of technical standards for six years or so and I did as well. quite enjoy it but already when I went to work as a Did you always want to become a teacher or did translator I had an idea that I want to go back and you have other dream professions? start to work on a PhD. At that point I already had a I don’t think I’ve ever had a very clear vision that strong vision that I wanted to do my PhD on machine I want to be a teacher or a lecturer. Right after high translation, because I had a minor in language school I ended up spending one year studying to be a technology and that was something that really secretary, however I noticed that was not for me after interested me but I was not ready to start a PhD right one year. Then I started studying English philology after I finished my master’s. I wanted to get some at the University of Helsinki and in the beginning I work and experience elsewhere in between. So then, would say I was one of those new university students after six years of working as a translator I managed who did not have a very clear idea of a future career. to build up a translation department quite nicely at I thought, well I was good at English in high school, the standardization association. Originally it was just so I’ll apply for that and see where it takes me. And me as one translator, then a couple of years later we I went through the cycles of thinking I wanted to be managed to hire a second translator, and then when a teacher, in my undergraduate studies I took courses we had things established there, I decided to move intended specifically for teachers. For a long time I on to the university and they hired somebody else to said that the most important thing I learned was that I replace me. don’t want to be a teacher. As much as I’ve ever had a distinct plan what I wanted Towards the end of my master’s degree, I had an for a career, research was the thing, so my goal was emphasis on translation, multilingual communication probably more research than teaching and I can’t say and language technology. A little bit before I that I’ve had this dream ever since I was a little girl officially finished my Master’s I started working as or anything like that. It somehow formed during my a professional translator for an organization called studies. the Finnish standardization association (Suomen
What is your favourite thing about teaching here? About teaching here or teaching in general? About teaching in general, I would say, as much of a cliché it is, I enjoy learning from the students. Although it may not always be so successful, I do try to have a discussion style in teaching, so to get ideas from the students and when it works, it’s really wonderful. That’s my favourite thing about teaching. Also I consider teaching a form of learning, so I have to learn things first myself and that’s something I really enjoy. About teaching here at the university of Turku specifically, I would say something that has been a very positive experience, is the kind of team teaching that we do here. Previously when I was teaching in Helsinki and in Joensuu, I was mostly teaching alone. Here it appears to be quite common, teaching together with others. It is very interesting the way we then get to combine teachers with slightly different styles, different backgrounds, different strengths, and then you start build a course that is probably much more effective than with only one teacher. What do you like about Turku? Unfortunately I have very little experience of Turku as a city so far because I actually still live in Helsinki. Much of my knowledge is limited to the area between the Kupittaa train station and the university. I do try to see a bit more of the city. Some of the things I really like is that compared to Helsinki for example, it’s much more compact. I like a city where you can basically walk everywhere. Or as people tell me, ride a bike, I haven’t managed to get that far yet, but perhaps at some point. That’s something that I really like. It’s also a very beautiful city, particularly around the river. And about the university, I enjoy the way you have a real campus.
What do you like to do in your spare time? Well I have got into playing music recently. I play percussion instruments in a kind of afro-brazilian style. I’ve also been dancing most of my life. Although in the last year I haven’t had much time for that but I do try to go to dance classes whenever I can, mostly latin and afro style dance. I like to read, although again I must confess not as much as I’d like to. Nowadays much of it tends to be limited to non-fiction that is much too closely related to my work but when I do get the time, I enjoy it. The readers of Baccanalia would like to thank Maarit for the interview and wish her a very happy summer.
The Memoirs of a Quiz Master Otto Tarkka
A simple question? There is no such thing. Asking questions is the very essence of being human. The ability to wonder pushes us to learn new things and strive for greatness. “Surely, there’s more to life than this,” a youngster cries out and goes on to explore the boundaries of human knowledge. Where would we be if Newton had never wondered why things tend to fall to the ground instead of floating around? How would we view life itself if Darwin hadn’t had the courage to ask where humanity came from? Questions can be powerful but the true power lies in the answer, for great answers can change the world. Or they can make your team win a pub quiz. In the fairly little time that I have been in Anglica, I have already been the Quiz Master on three separate occasions. What I have learned is that much more goes into asking a bunch of random questions than meets the eye. What is just a simple interrogative clause to the listener, might be the outcome of careful planning and hours of research to the Quiz Master. My method is simple: I go to Wikipedia and search for anything that I happen to find mildly interesting. I skim through a myriad of articles, looking for any piece of fun trivia that could be turned into a question. I franticly click on links and open new tabs in my browser, searching for the perfect question. Now, of course, one scratches his head in bewilderment and asks: “What is the perfect question?” Well, the perfect question for a quiz should be hard but not too hard, which means that it should be related to something that most are familiar with, but only few know well. The questions should deal with a wide range of subjects and there should be healthy balance on different types of questions. There is often a great debate in my head whether to give multiple choices or not. And why is it that it’s so easy to come up with questions where the answer is a number, be it years, weights, or lengths, to the point where I notice all my questions are about numbers and I am forced to go back to the drawing board? Another thing that people often don’t realize is that the Quiz Master holds great power. By asking questions he can make the listeners think about subjects they have never given thought to. He can give political issues a stage and force others to face them. Just by changing the wording of a question, people’s minds can be affected. As stated above, there’s no such thing as a simple question.
Naturally, a quiz is not just a list of questions in Word document. It is a performance. It is an act where everyone is on stage and the Quiz Master’s job is to make everyone feel comfortable standing in the limelight. The Quiz Master is the conductor of an orchestra that plays the fine melody of useless trivia. Their instruments are the pens and pencils that write down words like notes on a tiny sheet of paper. Finally, the Quiz Master reading out the correct answers and revealing the name of the winning team is like the grand finale of a symphony of good old Ludwig van. At this point, I am sure, you, the reader, feel like a great light has been lit inside you and your eyes have been opened to the greatness of asking questions. Therefore, I will now let you go and let you explore the world. I could go on writing my pseudointellectual thoughts on being a Quiz Master. I could write about the importance of the venue, the time of day and setting the tone. Instead of that, I’ll do what I do best: give you a quiz. I hope it brings some joy to your May Day celebration.
MayDay Quiz Here’s a little quiz to keep you busy this May Day. Challenge your friends and see who knows most about the most wondrous time of the year! 1.
What title is often given to Saint Walburga? a. The first female writer of England b. The patron saint of workers and craftsmen c. The mother of aqua vitae
2.
What causes the raisins in sima to rise to the top?
3.
How do the student cap cockades of Finnish-speakers and Swedish-speakers differ?
4.
How many times in a row should the word “mayday” be said when giving a distress signal?
5.
When is Labor Day celebrated in the Unites States? a. first Monday of May b. first Friday of August c. first Monday of September
Answers can be found on page 21.
Nausea and Disgust in Halleby:
A Savage Journey to the Heart of a Youtuber’s Taste Palette[sic] Johannes Suoranta
“When going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” I tried to keep those words close to my heart, as things were about to get weird. Why did I let myself get dragged into this mess? Then again, wasn’t I the one responsible for this mess? That was irrelevant, as all I have left are some scribbled notes and a flurry of howling memories. Oh god, the memories! How they shall keep me company on cold summer evenings. As we all know, there’s nothing like good food. Grub. Chow. Belly-timber. It is necessary for living and sometimes you can even enjoy it a bit. I wouldn’t specify myself as a foodie per se, but the deeds of e.g. my friend Khalisha do not fill me with disgust. Anyway, where was I? Yes, there is good food and then there is Youtuber food… We were somewhere on the edge of the canned goods aisle of the Halisten S-Market when the reality of it all began to take hold. Why are we, a group of sane-ish individuals (an Indian named Lacks-Shins, doppelgängers of both young Lasse Pöysti and a certain bass player, myself [always a {not so slim} shady character] and two extremely attractive young women, both of which would make even the dirtiest misogynist risk an attempt to rescue them from our midst) packing all these products into a single shopping cart? To play poly drug use ping-pong? The shopping list, in no particular order, included the following items of produce:
• • • • • • • • • • • • •
soy sauce macaroni-with-cheese-mix apples soy sausages chili flakes Spam eggs canned pea soup porridge oats butter fish fingers lots and lots of alcohol macaroni
My friend Charles Bukowski used to say that we should live like beasts, so that when death comes to claim us, he shall tremble to take us. I always thought Hank was right, but now, in the harsh glare of the fluorescent lights of the S-Market, I had my doubts. Frankly, I trembled at the idea of not getting the sweet embrace of death. All of this was making my brain whirl, but we high-tailed back to the apartment and got to it. I think we all felt like a Russian revolutionary in front of the firing brigade, but instead of dying for our blazing ideals, we were going to die due to simple curiosity. The first “dish” was to be a devious cocktail of ingredients devised a certain Niilo22 way back in ’06 or ’07…any of you not familiar with the man, I highly recommend material from his early career, it gets into your bones and gnaws at your thoughts until they are picked clean of sentiment. Because this is some serious high-roller craziness, right up my alley. According to his life style vlogs, this…thing…was his breakfast some ill-fated morning. The order in which you add the ingredients might seem arbitrary, but not wishing to risk an explosion, we used the correct sequencing of chili-soy-pasta-sausage-appleoats. Boiled for good measure and most important of all: mixed with a whisk. About midway through the procedure the bouquet started to remind me of the aforementioned Bukowski in the throes of his most dedicated benders– not for the weak of will. Also, the whisk proved inefficient at mixing the terrible concoction, which by result burned pretty nicely. Still, I don’t think it made much of a difference, as the product itself tasted wrong. Not necessarily bad, mind you, but just wrong. Like taking medicine with beer or any of the point-to-work ratios at the Department of Phonetics. I would rate the porridge monstrosity 3/5.5, unless you bite into a big chunk of apple, because the sudden December in your mouth did not harmonise with all the other flavours.
Next on the menu was a succulent main straight from another Youtuber, Pasi Viheraho. In his video “Ruokavinkki Köyhille Opiskelijoille joilla on rahat tiukassa Jeesus saapuu” he prepares this exquisite dish. Somehow, the Indian in our midst thought it too much and ran away with the colours of the wind, but you can’t always win. He did, by escaping. Somehow, though, everyone thought this dish was the worse of the two. I did not mind it too much myself; I had been numbing my reeling mind with some low-grade lager which cut most of the anxiety away. I needed all the numbing I could get, as the next signals bombarding my cranium were not so gentle: in order to properly prepare the dish, to reach its zenith so to say, you had to use a pot which had remains of a food of the past in it. This meant that we scooped the remains
fairly simple: fry the fish fingers in an amount of butter that would make a Russian grandmother blush. Heat up the pea soup and Spam, add the macaroni. Mix and get filled with regrets. Finally, crack four eggs and let them sink into the depths of the worst dyspepsia of your life. And oh my oh my, this was something else. Like the cheesy porridge, it did not taste bad, but it surely tasted inexpressive. Especially when you caught a larger piece of Spam in your oral inbox, because that’s always an overwhelming experience. Luckily the fish fingers had disintegrated into the pea soup, as getting that and the Spam at the same time tested my fortitude even now. Still, to quote someone, probably Shakespeare, “if it’s worth doing / it’s worth overdoing”. I do not know what caused me to act so rashly, we hadn’t even touched any of the
of the Niilo22-travesty and dumped the thus-created nuclear burial site into the freezer for a while. You can probably guess that we did not get all the porridge out, and some of the flavours and, well…indescribable clumps stuck. It was time for this Light Brigade to charge. Pasi’s method of cooking is nauseating and scattershot, but somehow, possibly with the aid of the Doppelgängtaz, we managed to make sense of the man, who – to surprise of no one – ran for municipal dictatorship (number 396) in the Häme electoral district. Hardcore politics aside, the recipe itself was
harder components yet, but in a haze of cacophony of different tastes, I mixed the two dishes and wolfed a bowl of it.
The effect was unmistakable. I had gone mad, like Britney-Spears-2007-crazy, or the goddamn Indian had spiked my food with the milk of some rare and very potent cacti. I saw shapes, heard blurred sounds, the whole world spun like something that spins very rapidly and causes nausea. The next few weeks are erased from my memory. I have absolutely no recollection of them, save from being punched in the gut somewhere in Raisio, I think in Ikea. The combined effect of the two dishes is so dank that it makes you do the traditional Finnish wiener kiosk brawl in Ikea’s hot dog line. I finally woke in a swimming pool somewhere that definitely was not on my own property. How long had I lain there? No one knows, and one would think that swimming in March porridge-pea souped out of one’s skull would be more fatal, but apparently not. This food had probably transcended me in some way, and now I need to be either choked on what remains of it or be killed by Death itself. Because do you know what the best part of all of this was? Besides the alcohol, friends and bad craziness? The fact that I was left with huge portions of the stuff, which in turn made up most of my caloric (but not nutritional, mind you) intake for the next
week after my bender. But that’s the thing, you gotta commit to these idiotic plans. They paint your life with all the colours of the crazy. And your toilet bowl. And the floor. And a few lingering chunks on your shoes. But that just might be the best kind of food: too weird to eat, too rare to disregard.
Kaffila Scenarios Katri Sohlman
Bienvenido al paraíso! Marika Santavirta
Exchange year. A dream that I’ve had since I was a little girl. It took 27 years until I got to fulfill this dream when I got accepted to University of Oviedo in Northern Spain. When the traveling day arrived I had mixed feelings. I was scared, thankful, nervous, excited, happy, and sad; quite a scale of emotions to feel at the same time. But, I knew I needed to do this, I needed to leave and have this experience or I would regret for the rest of my life. So the adventure began. My boyfriend came to Spain with me, so I didn’t need to leave alone. We stayed at a hotel for a couple of nights and after I found my own place to live, it was time for him to go back to Finland, and for me to continue alone. The first two weeks in Spain were full of parties, because there was this festival called San Mateo Festival in Oviedo which lasted for 10 days. It included concerts in the city, fireworks, and a lot of people celebrating on the streets. After the festival it was time to do some actual studying at the University. Due to my lack of Spanish skills, I only chose English courses. They were interesting, but unfortunately the teachers spoke half Spanish in some courses, which made studying a bit tricky. In the very beginning I decided that I wouldn’t go to Spain only to study. I wanted to make
international friends, learn Spanish and local habits, and of course have fun! Fortunately, two of my four flat mates were English girls who became close friends to me, and with whom I got to practice my spoken English. My group of friends included people from Mexico, Argentina, England, Ireland, and France. We spoke English and Spanish with each other, which made talking confusing sometimes. Spain was the perfect place to live, and even though the weather wasn’t that warm, I really enjoyed Oviedo. I felt safe because the streets were never empty. Families, young and old people were always sitting in the restaurants and enjoying each other’s company. Oviedo is the capital of Asturias, and there are over 200 000 inhabitants, but the city center itself was small, so I could always walk to University, shopping streets, restaurants, and old town. My exchange year changed my life. I became more independent and open minded during those 6 months I lived in Spain. I have always loved traveling but after living in Spain I would like to live abroad later on in my life. The best part of the exchange year was my new international friends who taught me so much about different cultures and habits. I could never learn these kinds of things by reading books. Besos,
Marika
A Tale of Two Bands and One Special Night Teemu Helenius
I faintly remember the talks of the possibility of Band Night returning to the lineup of Anglica’s events last year when I was still a member of the board of Anglica. It was already then an exciting proposition. The numerous posters around Kaffila from Band Nights of days past have always been intriguing. I mean what could possibly be better than a showcase of Anglican musical talent? I’m sure we’ve all noticed how many talented musicians we have in our community. An appreciation of many different types of music also seems to be an ever present force among our members. I can surely say I’ve had some of the best music discussions with my fellow Anglicans. This Anglica’s Band Night was actually a night of two firsts for me. Naturally it was the first Band Night I’ve attended since there hasn’t been one in many years. I also have to confess that it was the first time I’ve visited TVO. Certainly TVO was an interesting sight to behold; it seemed to be almost hidden in the shadow of the much bigger Logomo. From quite far one can still get the general feel of the place already without stepping inside. The black & white posters on the entrance give a feeling of what’s to come. It’s place for music of many styles to flourish.
The inside gives the same impression and I think as a setting TVO was just brilliant for Anglica’s Band Night. The feel of the place is right for the music that was to come from Alkamaton and Lagrange Points. Shortly after arriving I managed to chat a bit with Otto Tarkka, the drummer from Alkamaton about their upcoming set which was also their first live performance. It’s certainly an interesting possibility to be able to talk beforehand with people you are about to see perform live. Otto remarked that they would be mostly playing cover songs but also bring out one original composition to the table. The poster for Band Night billed Alkamaton as a progressive/stoner rock outfit which seemed to match the reality on the stage. It was a special treat to watch Otto himself on the stage with his very energetic play style and facial expressions only a drummer could make. It was only appropriate that one drumstick chose to live a life of its own at one point as well. Alongside Otto was Antti Niemi, on bass guitar, who is from our own Anglican ranks as well. This rhythm section really made for a tight performance. Antti and Otto were bolstered by guitarist and lead singer Pavel Zaitsev whose blazing solos were a treat to behold.
The performance by Alkamaton had a couple of distinctly memorable highlights. As an avid Queens of the Stone Age fan, it was a pleasure to hear Song for the Dead performed. The frenetic performance really brought out the best of the energy Alkamaton had during their whole set. The group’s own composition was also quite the treat to listen to in addition to the covers. As often happens, the best was saved for the last. Alkamaton’s rendition of 21st Century Schizoid Man by King Crimson was quite mind blowing. It was a largely improvised effort that just seemed to grow with every motif into a fitting finale for the whole set. However, there was just the right amount of the original left to keep the whole thing teetering on the edge of balance. Phew, what a finish! There was a short break to get another beer after Alkamaton had finished their set. Shortly it would be time for Lagrange Points to get on the stage and show us their magic on the band’s second ever gig. It was a second for them and a first for me. I had listened to a few of the band’s songs months ago but other than that I mostly had the alternative / college rock genre tag to rely on. Nevertheless I was very anxious to finally get a dose of their live performance and clearly the rest of the audience was as well, whether they had seen the band on the first gig or not. The stage was set for the quintet to conquer
and that they certainly did. It was a joy to watch Ville Heirola (drums), Mikko Salminen (bass guitar), Kalle Moilanen (vocals), Juuso Mäntykivi (guitar) and Atte Veistola (guitar) play together since it was clear that they also enjoyed playing together. Lagrange Points played a pretty even mix of their own material and some covers that fit seamlessly with their originals. There was a delightful variance to the songs in general and I could definitely find the connection to the music of the North American band Pavement which was mentioned in the Band Night event text. Their other influencers are not as familiar to me but covers from Superchunk and Built to Spill proved that Lagrange Points can take on the alternative rock of the 1990’s and provide a formidable response to it with their own material as well as with the covers. I especially enjoyed a couple of the newer, faster songs that seemed to embody the best parts of the genre to me. Some real infectious melodies there!
What would be the second show of Lagrange Points and the first Anglica’s Band Night in a long time without a stunning finale though? Fortunately it wasn’t necessary to ask that question after the last song of the night by Lagrange Points. Maybe it’s just that I haven’t been to a live music show in a while but I just felt like the finale was one of the best performances I’ve heard in a long time. The choice for the last song was initially a big surprise to me and probably to many others in the audience as well. Neil Young? Cortez the Killer? Wow! From the first guitar chords onwards it started to make more and more sense. An utterly gorgeous and emotional rendition that was as hypnotizing as it was heart-wrenching. A big shout out to the guitarists are in order here. The guitar duel of the end still brings a smile to my face. What an ending to an already spectacular night of music. Many thanks to Alkamaton, Lagrange Points, the DJs (Vision 2001 and Maailman Ihanin Ismo), TVO and the board of Anglica for making all this happen. I think I can speak for the rest of the audience when I say it was a night of exceptional musical talent at display. Hopefully there will be many more of these to come and fresh new blood on the stage in the future as well!
The music of Lagrange Points can be listened at https://lagrangepoints.bandcamp.com/
We Went to Jyväskylä
aNd it was a daMn fun mESs Elina Keskitalo
”YEAH BOIIIIII!!!!” a yell echoes in my ears. Again, for the hundredth time this weekend. I am forced to reconsider both my choices in friends and my life decisions. How did I end up here, and why is this my life now? National Meeting of English Students, NMES for short, is an annual weekend event that gathers together representation from all Finnish universities with English majors. It was established in 1993, making this year’s event the 25th (author’s note: if this is wrong, I blame everyone except me). The hosting city is different each time, and this time around it was Jyväskylä’s turn. For some people, NMES is an inconsequential, if weird, trip a few people go to every spring and talk about it on and off for few weeks before and after. For others, it is the most important event of the year which cannot be missed come hell or high water. This year would be the year when I would move from the first group to the second. A couple of my friends had been hinting rather forcefully since last fall that it was about time for me to experience NMES for the first time (see above comment about reconsidering my choices in friends).
After I took up the position of chief editor of this fine publication, my fate was sealed. Since the trip was after the proposed deadline, I wanted to hoard this particular article all to myself. When the enrolment day came, I was eagerly refreshing my mail along with a bunch of other people. The smart bunch of people, it turned out, since our newest freshmen are super active. Turku’s quota of 17 participants filled in ten minutes, making this the first NMES in history where this happened. We ended up getting extra spots, though, and eventually a massive group of 25
left Turku to conquer Jyväskylä. The freshmen, against literally everyone’s advice, left by cars and we oldies packed ourselves, our mattresses, pillows, suits, dresses, and other necessities into a bus. The trip went quickly in a haze of excitement, hysteria, Smash Mouth’s All Star, and general wonderment that the other passengers didn’t murder us.
In Jyväskylä we were greeted by a treacherously sunny weather and two representatives from Magna Carta, the local organisation for English students. Our gear loaded into a car, we set off to walk to Kortepohja, which would be our home away from home this weekend. After a moment of traipsing along the very hilly Jyväskylä city, the sunshine did prove to be very treacherous indeed. About halfway we were hit by a real, proper hailstorm, which soaked us rather thoroughly. I, born and partially raised in Middle Finland, actually enjoyed it in some perverse kind of way, but my companions not so much.
Despite the storm, we made it to the school where we were to stay, immediately conquering the corner of the gym hall with the most electric outlets for our horde. While we were dragging gym mattresses around, the freshmen arrived, dry and toasty to our dismay and disapproval. There is something profoundly unfair in people who manage to avoid a joint experience of suffering… Soon the freshmen would get to exercise too, though. We were split into fourteen groups for the city task crawl (rustokierros) meant to familiarise us with both each others and the city. Since we’re an invasive species, all groups included at least one Anglican, mine had three. Fortunately the other three members
were familiar with Jyväskylä. In addition to the actual tasks performed at checkpoints, we were assigned extra tasks to do whenever. There the native members of the group were our salvation, since they actually understood the local lingo and knew where to find everything. This meant both that we ended up focusing more on the extras instead of the actual tasks, and that since the evidence was posted on social media, my Instagram feed will never recover from this weekend. But no shame, we were frankly brilliant. The tasks we did manage to complete were a lot of fun, and were a great opportunity to meet University of Jyväskylä students from different organisations. Plenty of tasks were also absolutely worth stealing in preparation for the next year’s Turku Survival, particularly the ball-tossing one… After a few hours of self-humiliation and desecration of various landmarks, it was time for
sauna and socialising. I think we lost some Anglicans somewhere at some point, but actual inventory was impossible since a) the sauna was crammed like a sardine can and telling who was who was impossible and b) there was so many of us to begin with. Wherever these mysterious people might have gone, will have to remain a secret. Since nothing breeds solidarity better than a huge line to the bathroom, I had so many chats with super nice girls during the evening, once again proving that English students truly are a fine bunch of people. I thought it better to not try and cram myself into the sauna, but opted to listen to the raucous singing in the dressing room. It’s delightful to notice how quickly sitz songs breed commonality among people all over the country, united in sweat and morally inappropriate song lyrics. The singing held plenty of promise for the upcoming sitz party as well. Alisa’s team won the city crawl, bringing a little slice of the glory to Turku. They had managed all but one of the tasks, which was super impressive considering my team did only half. A welldeserved victory! Deciding how to get from the sauna to the school was like herding cats made of Jell-o. I still don’t know how, but all of us made it to the school, some by cab, some by foot. Us lazyasses who took a cab were waiting for the walkers, comfortably sprawled across all the mattresses in our pyjamas. This peace and quiet did not last for long, as the more experienced NMES goers hauled us into the boys’ dressing room for an afterparty. The tiny room stuffed to the brim with Anglicans, and a few brave souls from other cities, we sang along to Spotify into the wee hours of the night. The dressing room was freezing cold but quickly turned warm with camaraderie, friendship, and, must admit, thirtyish people producing quite a lot of carbon dioxide. Leaving the room to go to the bathroom was a mistake, since return meant that you had to physically fight your way back through the thickened air. But spending time with friends made it worthwhile.
I collapsed at some point of the night, even though the overenthusiastic AC at the gym did its part to prevent me from sleeping. When I woke up, there was a lot more people around me than there were when I went to sleep, in various stages of unconsciousness. The first words I managed to utter were “is there coffee?” Having received a negative response, I pulled my blanket around my ears in a true ‘five more minutes mum’ fashion, for the fat lot of good it eventually did to me. Some subtly stolen sips of energy drinks later, I was ready to get dressed and go to the traditional lectures. Since the theme of this year’s NMES was daNk MEmeS, the expectations of our brave troops were high. Besides, we heard that there was coffee at the university.
I would not say that people were hungover, since this is an honourable publication and all, but some lowering of the morale was apparent. Some of the wisest members had brought snacks, which we shared in the enormous lecture hall. Like the civilised people we were, commentary was limited to the Snapchat group we had established earlier, which managed to produce some, ahem, unforgettable pictures. The lectures were enjoyable, the sports enthusiastics of our group were thrilled that one of the subjects was football memes. Although to be quite frank, my favourite part was the coffee and cookies they served. According to the program, there was lunch available at a local university restaurant, but we opted to highjack a nearby grill instead. The sun shone beautifully and warmly, the food was great, and the entire group was in
a cheerful mood. In retrospect, one of my favourite moments of the weekend. At this juncture, Pirkka managed to get stuck inside his jacket, which was also immensely cheering. After lunch, most of the group left to shop for overall patches, and five of us went to the city center to do some necessary shopping for the evening’s sitz party. This ended up being a packet of false moustaches, and several years’ worth of bad decisions manifesting into a joint purchase of four bottles of Gambina, the drink of the devil. The walk back to the school was eventful dodging of municipal elect candidates and spirited conversation with my moustache-bedecked friends, and although I’m still fully convinced that we took an unnecessary detour, I did not mind all that much. In that moment, friendship and camaraderie were palpable and heartfelt.
After our arrival and a quick grooming session, our group was ready for the long anticipated sitz, still with the moustaches. When some of us had been dawdling all over Jyväskylä, our more productive members had been making battle plans. The subject matters for the traditional performance battle had been given out earlier, and we got the task to readapt the story of Romeo and Juliet to include as many memes as possible. Pirkka, our veteran of six NMES, was determined to bring the victory and the trophy to Turku after eleven years of consecutive losses. Spirits lifted, we arrived to the sitzing location early enough for some photos and last minute planning. The script was frankly a genius showcase of our biggest talents, and hopes were high. The people I got seated with were delightful company all along the evening, even though we managed to badly shock them with three of the four Gambina bottles we were packing. What better way to instil fear into the competition than voluntarily drink the drink that in other cities is considered a punishment? The sitz itself was a very pleasant affair, the entire party stayed really orderly, the food was great (and eaten warm!), and the songs were a fun mix of familiar and new. An extra bonus were the enormous bathrooms, a rare luxury at student parties. The “Yeah boiiii” yells I mentioned earlier came from Pirkka and Johannes, whose punishment was repeat that whenever the ceremony masters asked for silence. I’m still not completely sure who exactly was being punished. The meme theme was visible throughout the party, from Epic Sax Guy song to people’s outfits. But
the crowning glory of the theme was the performances! Other cities had been assigned classic stories ranging from The Great Gatsby to Lord of the Rings, which were memed within an inch of their lives. It was delightful to see that the hours of procrastination spent looking at memes on the internet instead of studying finally paid off. Our group had decided to throw all decency and manners into the wind and adapt our story to the pivotal and oft-memed scene of the movie Der Untergang, where Adolf Hitler’s war bunker speech gets resubtitled to suit a variety of dramatic scenarios. I am still in awe of Pirkka as Hitler, who was highly upset that Romeo and Juliet had been dating in secret. Our other German speakers Rasmus, Otto and Paul did incredible speaking roles as well, and the rest of us were left to play the upset listeners who only needed to stifle their laughter in front of the marvellous show. Saara provided the hilarious and meme-filled simultaneous interpreting with an enviably straight face. As all of you, dear readers, have seen the cover, there’s no point in dragging this out. We won!!! A group of people have never let out a louder yell than we did at the moment the winner was announced, it’s a miracle the roof didn’t cave in. Raucous celebration, group pictures, more yelling, indiscriminate hugging and cheek-hurting smiles continued as we christened The Boy, as the trophy was dubbed, as the property of Anglica by taking turns in drinking from the cup. As far as victories go, few have tasted and felt as warm and loving as this one.
Here is where the group scattered again, The Boy was taken back to our residence, and most of the group left for the bar with the afterparty. I chose this moment to get enormously lost in the neighbourhoods of Jyväskylä, so I have no idea what went down at the bar, but I heard that fun was had. Eventually all of us found their way back to the school, me included, and the afterparty of last night continued even more raucous in our victory haze. The Boy got all the cuddles it deserved, and all of us probably ended up exchanging bacterial flora in drinking from the cup. But no matter, a glorious victory demands sacrifices. One of us got a cold week after, but that’s pure conjecture. I slept at least some, I’m not sure of many of the others. A party with happy people would probably have been better than chilling AC blowing directly on me and my squeaky air mattress, but age has its demands.
Sunday morning arrived to reveal that the night had surrounded me with creatures that were no longer quite human but some kind of rodents of unusual size, crawling in various stages of upright around the gym. Many were heard quoting the widespread Finnish meme in saying that they did not, in fact, feel well. Packing up was a less than enthusiastic procedure, but there were still reminders of last night’s triumph lingering in the air. Goodbyes to the organisers and other participants were said, and we headed towards the bus station for breakfast and the trip home. The freshmen left by their cars, I still don’t know how they did not die. I asked Katri, who drove one of the cars, how she felt before they left, and I quote: “I feel like a winner.
We’re taking The Boy home.” The comment I got the next day was “never again am I driving hungover”, but that’s beside the point.
Apparently we looked a teensy bit suspicious in our overalls, as we were strongly suggested to keep quiet in the bus. And as our seating was a bit more scattered than on the way over, the conversation moved from spoken to written. The way back was dappled with some very feedbacky group calls, a group chat that quickly descended into hours of utterly stupid cartilage jokes, and somewhat stifled hysterical giggles. Eventually sleep took pretty much all of us, but I heard that the car travellers thought that the group chat log was an absolutely surreal read. Despite our finest attempts, everyone made it home alive, including The Boy who will reside at Kaffila for the next year. The group chat and the Snapchat group are still alive and sporadically active, even though it’s been a while. I can now see what people mean when they talk about NMES. The experience certainly fosters unique closeness, and even though many of the group were my close friends to begin with, I think this weekend made our relationships stronger. I also feel privileged to have been able to witness, once again, how talented and lovely are the people I get to share my time with. I want to use this platform to extend my thanks, once again, to everyone who gave me this experience. I also want to thank all of you for ruining the word ‘rusto’ for me forever.
Our love becomes a plagued bill, from Days at Floor-Bell Päivi T. Tua
Yes yes it will be alright, they said sniff the kitten, I tell them back sometimes I am happy, sometimes not but oh viener how everything swells again and gains bloated shapes scent of death altures me or attracts and allures just like at the days of herring when things mattered and had meanings also outside of you when men were what they were and I was me Shut your mouth the most important thing is that you write learn to know mushrooms!zanderzanderand bloatedzander ‘tis my dog that I do gander because it is the greatest of blessings sheatish cocainish we are now getting married for the typo was fatalno fetal hey!!! I am amorous magnanimous, not monogamous ignominious Hasselhoff was an ok Hyde but who likes the nice doctor anyway? No one, says I and my opinion matters a lot as you know, you know do not talk down because you do not know what you are doing and Jesus is on my side he said it himself as he ascended again and again and again it does not mean that I do not love it means that I am not worthy for living nor for the world and probably not even for you, amaryllis
I lost the game because I did not know the rules I only concentrated on to the movement of your lips fkuc might I need help quiet, woman shit happens I am hollow and all that drunk is wonderful and arctic fox and what have you I am not thinking I am writing even if it creates trash it does not matter write do not think love and not think you goddamn idiot the men are hugging and are in that universal condition where one always confesses love there is snow outside and maybe we are cold as frozen pizzas or are we? Why are you questioning everything has to be questioned I believe in the goodness of people the university teaches critical thinking but sometimes is better just to feel. The couple falls asleep on the sofa they are not fighting back bät äre fighting towards it because sometimes battles are more fun to lose and you can always say that you tried to be a hero and that you gave everything you had but sometimes it is not enough and you crumble on to the person sitting next to you on the sofa go nuts and cause reactions even if they are allergic ones
The Maddest of Libs:
A Typical Anglican Day Lea Ikon Talkies
An Anglican’s day begins 1______________ and early when you wake up at 2______. Oh, who are you kidding? You hit the snooze button at least 3______ times, nearly missing your 4______________. The first destination of the day is a lecture by 5_________________, where you will meet your 6_____________ and 7________________ friends after a separation of 8______ long hours. The lecture is 9________________, which makes you want to throw 10_____________ at the lecturer’s head. But you decide not to, and instead you daydream about 11______________. After the morning lecture, you travel towards 12______________ to observe a/n 13________________ between Pekka Lintunen and Janne Skaffari. After having seen this, you feel 14_____________, but decide to carry on anyway. Then you and 15______________ decide to go and eat 16_______________at Assari. This is a mistake, since the place is filled with 17________ people. But at least the food is 18_______________. After lunch, you head towards the 19______________ sanctuary that is Kaffila. There you find coffee made by 20__________, which tastes 21______________ but is at least 22__________________ than coffee made by 23__________. The white sofa creaks threateningly under the combined weight of 24_________, 25_________ and 26________. They tell tales of Janne Korkka’s lecture, which consisted of stories of 27_______________ and 28_____________ beavers. Their facial expressions are that of 29_______________, which is perfectly understandable. When the day is over, it’s time for a/n 30________________. As you wish! There you can 31____________all night long with people you love. When it’s all too late at night, you take a/n 32____________ home. You know in your heart of hearts that tomorrow’s exam will go 33________________, but that’s a worry for another day. Right at this moment, you are 34_____________________.
1. adjective 2. number between 1 and 12 3. number between 2 and 100 4. vehicle 5. a lecturer’s name 6. adjective 7. adjective 8. number 9. adjective 10. object 11. activity 12. university building 13. two person activity 14. emotion 15. friend 16. food 17. number 18. adjective
19. adjective 20. board member 21. adjective 22. comparative adjective 23. board member 24. friend 25. friend 26. friend 27. plural noun 28. adjective 29. emotion 30. Anglica evening activity 31. verb 32. vehicle 33. adverb 34. adjective